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' A-iiwiir a «•» OM ABE ^»|HFT*R •CMNWATI •mile tko'paliM, Mile mi Jsfa •?.* -S would ewroun I took the kind In qaea-itHlfcht lk»r {:;•*' ' •boat, _T • simple, it out." for no hfrnr »r*OK, h ihrough his Bar, <«p and fearfully " " fttattiafl* RIM*. ^ilrffi-TmTW " "" I"-"*" "* H«V1 bis dash, daslrtnl - ASDckaV off MI «W4 9t 6i« «ar." * ;.. J* •* - .• .::i| Bot after smother hot howr had flown Th# bead drops down V»o to roll, > And he ravi»d in • way that, the oertpla *11 My, 8tm«')c terror to mm vrat 4iS>fr •out* . «riwai-f«wrt^p -*i8«i Voi ill tttt he trot lor hl» pains, 80 h« tnatfoally awaUowed of poison a glwa, >4^1 wltt • Iwltet lie iorti out Ms •1 Bill L-i!j 1_: i *HE FAMILY IN THE ATffC. ^ anna *. CBMS*. fw-1 a bit worrit, don't 70a, Miss Hettie; at any rate you look so; sit ) down titers on the settee and I'll get you a little eorjal. I don't care what ' temperane? folks say about it, I believe in a Mttle Wine for the stomach's sake," and the kind old lady went in the di­ rection of the pantry for the bottle. "Plfease don't, Mrs. Lynn; I am not in want of anything to take; I only need a little rest," that is all. There, my head feels more comfortable already," Hettie said, laying it on the sofa-pillow. * Well, yon lie there till you get clear rested, and I'll go off into the kitchen, where I won't disturb you." " Thank you, but you need not go on my accountstill, Hettie was very glad to l>e alone, and such a luxury was sel­ dom allowed her. On this particular , evening Mrs. Lynn's boarders were all away, except Hettie, and, now that she Was alone, har thoughts went rambling back to the days of her childhood, when she and her little sister gathered wild flower* in the meadow grass, drove the old white and speckled cow to pasture, And went arm in arm to and from the little red school house, which was about 4k mile from her father's farm. Oh, what halcyon days, and how could they have been otherwise, with such a fond father, , mother, and sister to love her, and share in alfher pleasures; but now they were all dead, and she left to earn her own living with her needle, her only home that of boarder in a second-class city boarding house. Yet, Hettie was .still young, not having seen 25 years, but the sad experiences she had passed through caused her to both look and feel much older than she really was. When die was 15 years, her father and sister Were both stricken down by prevailing fever, leaving her mother and herself Alone on the farm, whioh was mortgaged lor twice its worth, and oI course soon desposed of for the benefit of anxious creditors, and since then, what a strug­ gle life tad been. She did not quite dfapair, however, while her mother -was feft to comfort her, but after her death, which occurred about four years prfevi- •ous, she became quite discouraged, .ana so we find her at the beginning of Cfcur 6tory. Her health was poor, and it seemed to her she never had been so weary as on that particular evening, and as are lay there alone on the sofa in Mia. Lynn's shabby-looking parlor, wonderingif any one else was sc bad as aha-- friendless, nek, still obliged to work--one of the boarders, a Miss Percy, fiat knowing that Hettie was in need of vert, entered the room, sat down beside * I begin to laeomit the misfort- I kjiMtr lUaSjf'ttvIng in the same been to see theovaoddrew the moSt pitiful picfcase tiwirwoee, "Really, then, there ate > who are worse off tli«a myself," "it Hettie; "I must go to see Bo, springing to her feet, she asked Miss Percy to go with "her to their room. Through % long, dark hall, then up two rickety pairs of stairs they went, and there, in a* little back room, they found the afflicted family, which con­ futed of a decrepit soldier, his wife, as almostrdyimj woman, a ha'i-idiotic child and a feeole old mother of either the &an or woman. Neither of the numt)er appearedable to wait on the other, and Were those four human be­ ings were, apparently dying for want of QSjSi nwjffHjwwfit and warmth. The woman flrasin a deep oonsamptioB, and evidently could not last many days, «j.«; positively shivering with the oold, hav­ ing bat one thin coverlet to protect her fttxn the chilly atmosphere. The oth­ ers were crouching round the hearth where a few OQUB were faintly horning, emitting just light enough to make their ghastly faces discernible, and dimly illuminating the other cheerless objects in the 100m. They had thqs far been kepi alive by the man's pension money and slight aid from the city missionaries Although 1 these mesna were insufficient for their support. they might have been mad© comparatively comfortable had the money been wisely expended. But some of it had gone for strong drink, •ad other articles that they could have done better without, as the man would have his tobacoo and the old lady her snuff, though they had neither bread nor fuel. Hettie, who had never be­ held such a seen© of misery before, was greatly aftected, and the tears came into her eyes as she stood over the woman, who was coighing dreadfully, and asked," What can I do for you that will benefit you most?" If I had a little money to buy some bourbon to strengthen me up," said the invalid, her ghastly face so frightening the girl that she drew a shining half- dollar from her purse--the last money she had--and gave it to her. Mjap Percy did not give her anything, al­ though she bad a number of dollars in her pocket. "It will hot do for you to visit them again," said Mrs. Lynn, after Hettie went back to the sitting-room, crying as hard as ever she could over the miar eey she had seen. "Let the city author­ ities see to them. We are all of us poor enough, without giving money away, though I must say 1 pity them dread­ fully and would help them if I could." Hettiedid not visit the family again till alter the woman died, which was in a ew days. Then she went up to the sf **xly half decently laid IimS »i! ^ ozeu cwwlles burning •round the coffin, as the deceased had bS?Pwh?n^tobe&fcoman Catholic. xwforlthp f y TBt forthe Priest to perform the funeral services, he would nave nothing to do with the matter At ̂£̂ l£oCaft;u<; ' 4SSto*t°h,he ™igl"'80 1 ̂ ^ te, <>«.' »1»11 she be in our cetaetery," said he, al- we desired to be laid beside a 'Qoe buried there, tio one r. JrM>r8J minirter8 itt the [y oflered his servio^, and, nerer Mm said., *8 ̂otHidition bettsir than this, I am sura I ought to be quite happy. 80 she worked on from day to day with hearty thanks to her Maker for giving her strength to do it. She also went quite often to the attio to help the throe lonely creature* left there, each of whom was becoming more and more helpless. And, with what she did for thorn, and was the means of others doing, they were made quite comforta­ ble, Nor did these extra efforts of Hettie's work ruin to her health; on the other hand, she-seemed to be given ad­ ditional strength and courage for this work of helping her fellow-creatures. By coming in contact with the mis­ fortunes and sufferings of others, her thoughts were drawn away from herself, and she dwelt less on her own bodily infirmities. Thus God gives strength to these Wao are ready to help fight the bettle of life for others than selves. Prrrerau>, Haas. A Cincinnati Horse Auction. "Here, gentlemen," said the auction­ eer, "is & horse--" Bystander--Glad you told us it was a horse, or we might have taken it for a sheep. Auctioneer--That wouldn't be so very strange, if it had your, head on. You see before you, gentlemen, a family hone. Bystander--He got those bunches on his knees from kneeling down at family preyers, didn't he? Auctioneer--You'll never have any bunches on your knees on that account. A horse, "gentlemen, that any family might well be proud of. Look what an eye he has. Bystander- What has become of the other eye? ' < Auctioneer--Gone to look after an­ other such fool as you are. Like old dog Tray, so touchingly described by the sweet singer of Michigan (sing­ ing): Hcs frentle and he's kin4-- Bystander the kind. Auctioneer-- *., You'll never, never fin J-- » „ , ^ Bystander--He would be fined bjpalNjr court in Christendom tot spring-halter- ations and interfering generally. Auctioneer-- A better hone than this old gray. Old gray hor»« i» ever faithful, etc. But we cannot waste our time on poetry, although the noble steed before you is the very poetry of motion. How much for him ? What do I hear ? Bystander--Nothing, if 'you can't hear more than he does. Auctioneer--Among horses, gentle­ men, this is the very ne-plus-ulira-- Bystander--Knock-nee-plus-ultra, you mean. a Auctioneer--And the 8 ine-qua-non-- Bystander--Compos mentis. Auctioneer--The ridges you see run­ ning clown his sides, gentlemen, are not an mdtcatioir c? a want of flesh; they are simply a wise provision of Provi­ dence for carrying off the rain-water. Bystander--What's £he matter with his tail? 1 Auctioneer--He was formerly owned by*i violin manufacturer, and he pulled out all the hairs for fiddle-bows. What do I hear? But we had heard enough to satisfy us that our friend was right, and that it was absurd to squander money on shows so long as these horse auctions are kept up to thgi? present high stan^p*d, . ; Egg? as Food. B^s wf various binds, 'teays "CaiwelFs Domestic Dictionary," are largely used as food for man, and it is scarcely pos­ sible to exaggerate their value in this capacity so simple and convenient are they in their form, and so manifold may be their transformations. They are exceedingly delicious, highly nutri­ tious and easy of digestion, and, when the shell is included, they may be said to contain in themselves all that is re­ quired for the construction of the body. It has been claimed for them that they may be served in about 600 ways, al­ though it is generally found that the more simply they are prepared the more they are approved. Although other eggs than those, of birds are eaten--for instance, turtles' eggs-- it is generally agreed that the eggs of the common fowl and of the plover possess the rich­ est and sweetest flavor. The eggs of ducks and geese are frequently used in cookery, but they are of too coarse a nature to be eaten alone., The eggs of the turkey and of the pea-hen are high­ ly esteemed for somel purposes. The weight of an ordinary new-laid hen's egg is frotu one and a half to two and a half ounces avoirdupois, and the quantity of dry solid matter contained in it amounts to about 200 grains. In 100 parts, about ten parts consist of shell, sixty of white and thirty of yelk. The white of the egg contains a larger proportion of water than the yelk. It contains no fatty matter, but consists chiefly of albumen in a dissolved state. All the fatty matter of the egg is accu­ mulated in the yelk, which contains relatively a smaller proportion of ni­ trogenous matter and a larger propor­ tion ©f solid matter, than the white. Therefore, in an alimentary point of view, the white and the yelk differ con­ siderably from each other, the former being mainly a simple solution of albu­ men, the latter being a solution of modified form of albumen, together with a quantity of fat. * * * Raw and lightly-boiled eggs are easy of di­ gestion. It is said that raw eggs are more easily digested than cooked ones; bat this may be doubted if the egg is not overcooked. A hard-boiled egg presents a decided resistance to gastric solution, and has a constipatory action on the bowels. La*2> tbat will grow corn or an aver- agejbyr crop is suited for the growth Th* demand for heavy horses far ex­ ceeds the supply, and is likely to for the next ten years. MASSACHUSETTS Was the first State in the Union to order a special survey of its forest resource* THE clip of wool for 1879 was the largest ever shown in ^ this country, amounting to 42:im,56o,<)00 pounds. THOMAS JmnrjBBsoK said: * Let the farmer forevermore be honored in his calling, for they who labor in the earth are the chosen people of God." THE tenant farmers of England pay a larger sum per acre for the use of land than they would be obliged to give in purchase mtiney for better lands in this country. * THE lovers of raspberries wjll find the Turner to be the most reliable red va­ riety for this climate, and the quality to bq excellent. The plants are hardy and rdiable. UNUSUALLY large quantities of baled hay are being exported at New York to Southern ports, Cuba and Great Brit­ ain, and an advanoe in prioe is pre­ dicted. THE Toronto Globe represents the American demand for Canadian horses as very brisk. It chronioles the total number purchased and shipped to Massachusetts and New York in a sin­ gle week at 131, costing $911819, aver­ aging about $75 each. THE condition of the public roads is the measure of the civilization of the inhabitants. Good roads facilitate trade intercourse, promote comfort and convenience, increase the value of real estate, add attractiveness to the neigh- bfc> hood and stimulate individual im­ provements. KEEP the stables clean. Clear out the manure every morcing, and scrape or card off all filth from the animals. The stable should be made so warm that the manure will not freeze at night. A lower temperature will either demand a larger amount of food or the animal will fall off in condition. WE loosen a wet soil to facilitate evaporation, and roll or otherwise com­ press a dry soil to retain it. When hoe­ ing to destroy weeds, be careful to lighten up your own footseps or you will find the weeds quickly germinate there. The soil being compressed re­ tains the moisture and facilitate® ger­ mination. AT the recent meeting of the Ver­ mont Dairymen's Association, C. S. Bliss gave an interesting account of the dairy Of Mr. Burchard, of Illinois, who on one occasion milked his cows, cooled his milk, raised the cream, made the butter, took it to Chicago, put it on ex­ hibition and received the prise all in one day. BARLEY is usually a profitable crop with me. The land must be dry, clean, mellow and rich. Last year I used superphosphate with decided advantage. It not only increased the yield but the quality. I sow from two to two and one-half bushels to the acre as early as the land can be put in good condition. --Joseph Harris, Rochester, N. Y. AN Indiana farmer asks this pertinent question: " Is it not better to feed corn to my cows, every bushel of which will make three pounds of butter, worth from 18 to 20 cents per ponnd, giving 54 cents per bushel for my corn at the door, with the manure left on the farm, rather than to sell it at 36 to 35 cents and impoverish my farm?" I HAVE been taking advantage of the mild weather to "go for" the borers in my peach trees. By removing a few shovelfuls of earth from around the body of the tree, exposing the roots a little, one can get at all of them; then till the hole with leached ashes. I dig borers out with a stout, sharp knife. Where gum or worm-dust shines is the place to look for them.-->F. js;. Fosnot, Ellsworth, Kan. \ r AFTER several years* experience in the use of a light harrow with teeth sloping backward at an angle of forty-five de­ grees in the spring upon fall grain crops, I can say that* it is very benefi­ cial. These teeth not only make friable the soil, but they draw it over the plants and cover the roots exposed by alternate freezing and thawing. The roller should follow the harrow, as it sinks all tufts, stones and other impedi­ ments into the soil, leaving a smooth surface to work on.--Rurus Stone, Columbiana county, Ohio„ 0 , W. J. BEAL says of Alsike clover: Botanists do not consider it a hybrid. I have twice tried to make crosses with this and white clover, but without suc­ cess. I have never seen any plants which were intermediate between Al­ sike and white clover, though I have seen bees working on the flowers of each species where the plants were well mixed. If the plants can be crossed, we shall expect to see new hybrids. The stalks sometimes grow four to six feet in length, but they fall down and the leaves decay toward the base of the stems. The stems recline but do not take root like white clover. It is valua­ ble for pasture and makes good hay, though its habit is not well adapted for meadows. Advice to a Young Man. No, my son, the world does not owe you a living. The world does not need you, just yet; you need the world. • If you can convince the world that you are necessary to its well-being, its hap­ piness, its pieasure, its moral existence, then the world will begin to claim you and make room for you in the body pews, with the softest cushions and the easiest foot-stools. But don't fail into the common error of supposing that the world owes you a living. It doesn't Owe you anything of the kind. The world isn't responsible for your being. It didn't send for you; it never asked you to come here, and in no sense is it obliged to support you now that you are here. Your living is here--a good, comfortable living. Plenty to eat, plenty to wear; an abundance of good, healthful, hard work; ripples of laugh­ ter and sprinkles of tears; hotra of happiness and moments of heartache days of labor and nights of rest; duties to be performed and rewtrds fco be woo; it is all here, son- disappointments, struggles, success and honors--bat the world doesn't owe you %ne of them; not one. You can't collect- your living as you would a debt, by simply present­ ing your bill, or giving your lawyer the account to sue. You have to work for it, son, and work like a Trojan, too When you hear a man say that the world owes him a living, and he is go­ ing to have it, make up your mind that you the . . . p l u n d e r y o u c a n •rin % ̂ b«ii«tvwork is yours, and no more. If |j9j| can't get any, why of it is yooi»t and if you can reach out and carry ftWiy ten times as much as your ]ff«gfabor, why that W all yours, and lie has no right to wait aud whine over his bad luck and want you #t> di­ vide. And, my son, in all human prob­ ability you will not want to divide. I hope you may, but it is very likely that yon won't.--Bob Burdetie. FACT» ASD FIGURES. THXBK are 309,430 Roman Catholics in Sootland. ENGLAND paid $12,500,000 for foreign eggs in 1878. SINCE 1869 the Paeifio railroad has landed 472,811 passengers in San Fran­ cisco, and brought away 280,863. AMERICA imported from Europe last year 29,642,396 gallons of wine, an in­ crease over the importation of 1878 of nearly 15,000,000 gallons. THE peanut crop of Virginia, Tennes­ see and North Carolina is estimated at about 1,835,000 bushels--an increase of about 500,000 bushels over last year. THE average life of a paper wheel un­ der trucks of locomotive engines ranges from 300,000 to 1,641,880 miles, aud under dining and palace cars from 794,- 000 to 878,336 miles. THE English market demands yearly 504,000,000 pounds of cheese. Their home make is 282,000,000, the Contin­ ent supplies 84,000,000, and America 158,000,000, of which Canada sends 40.000,000, and the United States 118,- 000,000. Germany is beginning to take a fair supply from this country. IN the reign of Loui3 XIV. France had a population of 19,000,000, England 8,000,000, and Germany 19.000,000. In 1789 France had 26,000,000, England 12,000,000, and Germany 28,000,000 Un­ der Napoleon I. France had 20,000,000 and England 19,000,000. A writer in the Republique Francaixe sees great danger to France in these figures. LAST year there were presented 20,059 applications for patents, and 12,725 pat­ ents issued. The total reoeipts of the office were $703,931.47; total expendi­ tures $520,637.97, leaving a surplus of $174,202 50. On January 1,1880,there was a balauce to the credit of the pat­ ent office fund, amounting to $1,420,- 806.56. It pays to have inventors busy. DURING 1879 the births in Rome numbered 7,987, of Which 7,980 were among the resident population. The deaths among residents were 6,724. On Dec. 31, 1879, the population num­ bered 298,960, an increase of 9.639 over 1878. Since 1871 the population hits increased by 54,476, mainly by immi­ gration. The sanitary condition of the eity shows improvement. THE first piano was made some time in the twelfth century, and appears to have been only a transition from the dul­ cimer, and consisted of an oblong box, holding a series of strings in triangular form, struck by a quill attached to the keyB. Daring the next six centuries the clavichord was in use. The change in this to something like its present form took place about 150 years ago. ACCOBDING to Sadlier's Catholic Almanac tor 1880, the estimated total Roman Catholic population of the United States is 6,143,222, but the BOF- ton Pilot says that many intelligent Catholics think the iHXiinil 1 much too low. There are 67 Archbishops and Bishops, 5,980 priests, 1,136 ecclesiasti­ cal students, 6,406 churches and chapels, 1,726 stations, 687 seminaries, colleges, and academies, 2,246 parochial sohools, 405,234 pupils in parochial sefiopla, And 878 chai itable associations. ^ • Seven Wildcats in a Tree. For several months last sumnfer con­ siderable loss was sustained near Jones- ville in lambs and poultry. At last the robbers have been found. The Rev. Mr. Elliott and five companions started out for a grand coon hunt, with dogs and guns. The dogs started a trail that led them iato the big timber, and ii» about the center the hounds all brought up to a long hollow tree. It being near dark, the party voted to stay all night. So, building up a rousing fire and send­ ing off for some refreshments, they wore off the tough hours of the night by playing dominoes on an old log. As soon as they could see, the tree was felled, and, to their astonishment, seven Wildcats, two being full-grown and five about one-half size sprung from the tree. A. grand fight ensued with dogs, guns and clubs, and ended by killing all but one of the wildcats, which was secured alive. The men oarried their game home in great triumph.--Albany Wis just making^ himself a good ex > tar living. vPC«a w " Predespernfttlon.'^ An old-time Baptist preacher of Lit tie Bock, Ark., who has retired from active gospel work, bdt who still keeps a firm eye on the faith, has just had a little experience with a colored man that causes him to think very seriously. Meeting the colored man, the preach­ er said: " Dave, if you don't bring that saddle home I'll have you put in jail." u What saddle is yer ferren ter?" " The one you stole from me." M Parson, fore de Lord, I nebber stole yer saddle." " Yes, you did. I saw you when you took it off the yard fence. I believe I'll have you arrested, any way." "Look heah, parson> you'se a old Baptis', isn't yer? "Yes, an# 111 have YOU sent to the penitentiary." " Well, so is I, an'now ketch de pints ez I gin em ter yer. Dar is jes' so many saddles in dis worl' what is ter be stole, an' dar's jes' so many man what is ter steal dese saddles. Dis is de pre- despernation. No^v, ef yer saddle hap­ pens to be one of de predisposed an' I lappens ter be one ob de predisposed men, ken I hep it? Dar was Judas, fur instancd. He couldn't hep trayin de Savior, kase de Savior said: ' Ju­ das, sop in dis dish an' go an' 'tray me. Hit wasn't Judas's fault, kase he was one of de predisposed; so 'tended fr->m de foundation ob de world." I don't want a religious discussion, Dave. It isn't the saddle now that 1 care so much about; it is that you told me ?, lie in saying that you didn't steal it." . t Well, den, parson, 'spose I takes back de lie an' keeps de saddle? " A lie onoe told always stands. You have lied to me, you Bcoundrel, and I believe it is my duty to have you ar­ rested." " Parson, dere's jes a certain amount objies ter be tole in dis worl' 'an' ef 1 is> One ob de men what is predisposed to tell one ob dese lies, hit's not my fault, an'I can't help hit." M You go on now and get that saddle, or I'll Swear out a warrant for your arrest." " I'll do the best I ken, parson, but dere's jes a certain amount ob stole saddles ter \>e returned in dis worl'. Ef I'se one ob de predisposed men, an' I b'lieves I is, you'll fine yer saddle hangin' on de yard fence 'J^out auA-, down dis evenin'." , „ &,-> • -- -- An Artist* A lady called at a photograph gallery in Columbus, Ohio, with a baby whose photograph she desired taken. The necessary arrangements were made, the little cherub was propped up in a chair in the best possible position, and the artist was proceeding to ^adjust his camera, when the mother excused her­ self for a moment. The moment grew to minute, and> the minutes to hours. In short, the mother did not oomeback, and tba avtiat finds bimaeif with a ready-Mad* baby on his hands, whose am)tnow» to [From the Ttaw.] Otte dMT, not long Hbtiiacoln tidh, Mr. Wade came in, taA&ng all over hit lac*, and said; "Well, Old Abe has just done the queerest thing you ever heard of. lie has given oat he has the amatl-pox to keep the politicians and office-seekers away from the 'White House.5' The story ran thus: Mr. Wade went to the White House to sea Lincoln, who had been ilL He found the Presi­ dent a little pale, but jolly as he could be. "Sit down, Wade; I am glad to see yoa. Oh, I have the funniest thing to tell you; it will make you langh. I never did such a thing before in my life, and never will again." Then the President laughed until the tears ran down his cheeks. "Now, Wade," he said, "you are not to repeat this outside, for it would give offense, and it by no manner of means comports with the dignity which is sup­ posed toihedge a President about. The doctor put me up to it to rid myself of a bore; I ought not to have done it, but I couldn't help it, it was so fanny. You know I have been ill, and a great many people have wondered what ailed me, but none of them could find out. The truth is, I was worried to death and talked sick pretty much by one man the most everlasting bore you ever saw who wanted aa office. I knew ha would come again as soon as I able to sit up, and the doctor put me up to get rid of him by saying 1 had the small-pox. I only got out yesterday, and sure enough this morning he called on me. I had deter­ mined to be polite to him, but he stayed so long the humor seized me and I sent for the doctor. Giving him the wink, I held out my hand, and in­ quired: " 'Doctor, what marks are those on my hand?' " • That's varioloid, or mild small-pox,' said the doctor. . Well,' said I, 'it's all over me. It's contagious, is it not, doctor?' "4 Very contagious indeed,' he re­ plied, ' and you should see no one.' " My visitor, who had been getting more and more nervous every moment, now could 3tand it no longer, and, ris­ ing, said: "' Well, Mr. Lincoln, I can't stop any longer. I just called to see how you were/ and then he started to hurry out. Stop a minute; I want to talk to you,' said I, 'about that office.' "' Excuse me, Mr. President, you are not well this morning and I won't bother you,' said he, shoving toward the door. "' Never mind,' said I; ' don't be in a hurry. It's all right, and if you are going to get the varioloid yon will get it now anyhow; so you might as well sit down.' "' Thank you, sir, but I'll call again,' he replied, fairly turning livid, and ex­ ecuting a masterly retreat from the fear­ ful contagion with whioh he supposed me to be aillicted. Now,' said Uncle Abe, 'it will be all over the oity in an hour that I have the small-pox, aud you can contradict the story, but I want you to promise you won't repeat what I have just told you.'" Wade laughed until he was weak, and when he could get his breath suf­ ficiently to speak he looked at the • ock as was hiB custom and suid: " Now for a little business and then I will go." "Don't go," cried Uncle Abe,.and laying his head in his hands on the desk in front of him he laughed until he shook all over. Presently raising up his face from between his hands he wiped his eyes and blew his nose until the report sounded like the winding of a horn. After another fit of laughing he said: <r " Wade, you should have seen him, and how scared he was. I'll bet that fellow never comes back here while I'm President." . As might have been expected, hardly had Mr. Wade quitted the White House when he heard the President had the small pox, and was very sick. Wade promptly contradicted the story, but thst night it was telegraphed all over the country, and many pdople will yet remember the story of Mr. Lincoln's having the varioloid during the war. Commenting on the report*, Unole Abe said to Wade: " Some people said they could not take my proclamation very well, but when 1 get the small­ pox, Wacte. I shall then be happy to say I have something everybody can take." ion.--New York Times. ^*hy Saving a Train. On Sunday evening last an incident occurred on the Western iaiiroad that will cause surprise wherever it is spoken of. . The train waa within thirty miles of Montgomery, running at a rapid rate, all unconscious of danger. The engineer spied a white handker­ chief on a pole, fluttering in the road some distance up the track. On get­ ting nearer he discovered it was some one waving the train down. The shrill whistle was sounded, brakes put on and the train brought to a standstill. The heads of the'passengers were popping out of the windows, inquiring what the trouble was, no station being near. The conductor came out, and, seeing a tramp was the one who had caused the train to stop, inquired in probably a rather angry manner what was wanted. This man, who belonged to a c)ass al­ most universally despised and subject­ ed to cuffs and kicks, astonished the conductor by informing him that about eighteen inches of rail was broken out a short distance further on. The broken placet was repaired, the train about to move off, when the conductor saw the tramp standing on the roadside, and asked: "Where do you want to The tramp replied: "To Pensacols." I •m "Then," said the ^conductor, don't you get on the iiain? " The reply was: "Because I have no money." The conductor told him to get aboard, that he would take him to Montgomery. On arriving in the city the fact was re­ ported to the General Manager of the road, who asked the man which he would have, money or work. The man answered he would rather have em­ ployment. A position was at onoe given him. At last accounts he was at work and doing well.--Columbia, (G&.) En­ quirer. . ^ _ Forests aud Hygiene."' Forests contribute to the general health by breaKing the foroo of steadily- blowing winds. They mitigate the heat of summer by the vast amount of evap­ oration that takes place through their leaves by day. By night the corre­ sponding condensation of moisture upon the leaves still further absorbs the heat, on the evaporation of the moist­ ure the next morning. They albo, as is now well known, pro­ mote rainfalls. Thus they check the tendency of the earth to too great dry­ ness, which is almost as injurious to health as it is to vegetation; for epi­ demic diseases are sure to do their fatal work where the soil-water is below the ordinary standard. Hence, cholera often passes a wooded district, and revels, in fatal power, in a treelesr. one. There are numerous facts like the following. A certain road in India leads for sixty miles through a dense forest. Further on, it runs for ninety miles through a barren plain. Hundreds of persons travel the entire road daily. Now, in the first or wooded portion, coses of cholera seldom occur; while in the latter the siok, the dying, and the dead are found lying by the way aide. In 1859 cholera raged in Aliahabad. British soldiers whose barracks were on a hill suffered the most from the epi­ demic ; those in barracks surrounded by four rows of trees much less; but not a single case occurred among the soldiers whose barracks were in a thicket. It was the same next year. Our Government is wise in promot­ ing the planting of forest trees. Our State Governments should do more. They should take measures to prevent their undue destruction. The Crops of 1878. The Agricultural Department has published a comparative table on the crops produced in 1879, together with the prices obtained by the producers, as follows: Jfc y -L 'i*r % • f Bob Bordette's Dream.. And I dreamed I died, and went to heaven. I thought I hah just fifteen brains, and all the way up to the gate I was trying to straighten them out, and I thought I would go mad, When I got up there, the gate was wide open, and all sorts of people were streaming in, just as they pleased. I hadn't the cheek to think I had a right to go in without any credentials or examination, so I hung bach looking for St.* Peter. And whale I was waiting I hope to die if Bob Ingersoll didn't aome along and walk right in, and he looked as if he were mighty glad to get there. Pres­ ently 1 saw St. Peter, right by tine gate, his head bent down and his eyes filed on his knees. I told him my name and where I was from, and asked if I might go in. Hb didn't say anything, and I began to feel rather streaked. So I said it again, a little leuder. Still he made no reply. Then I shook him by the shoulder, for I was getting pretty anxious, and I began to tell it all over again. It frightened me when he shook me off--"9,11, 4,14,13, 7--oh get out of this, you and your name; if arou hadn't bothered me I'd have got it the next more." « "Meadville! Change cars for Oil City aud Franklin! This train stops twenty minutes for dinner!" "Now," the fat passenger said sol­ emnly, "I am never going to fool with that Gem puzzle again. Not onge more." Girts as Canm Shot. Whether other nations will regard the tueof girls by the British artil lerists as contrary to the law of nations is a grave question. In former days chain shot was not permitted to be used except in sea-fights, on the ground that it inflicted an unnecessary amount of suffering. But a girl, when fired into a compact body of men, would do far greater execution than any chain-shot. Hundreds would be wounded by flying hair-pins and buttons. That girls thus used would greatly demoralize an ene­ my in the open field cannot be doubted. We can imagine what a panic would have seiaed tne Confederate army if the "V.-jjv.;,,.' > l;,! I-:-- Wheat, bushels Coru. bushels Oats, bushels Bye, bushels Barley, buxhels Buckwheat, bushels... Cotton, bains Tobacco, pounds...... Hay. tons Potatoes, bushels...,. Whest Com Oats Kye.. .* Barloy Buckwheat Cotton Tobacco H.y Potatoes ' HARVEST. 1S78. .. 430.122,400 .. 1,888 218,750 413,678 M0 25,842.7H0 42.246.630 12,246,880 5.316.604 392,54«,700 124,120,660 KilCE. « 32ti.34G.425 141.153.416 101.i»45,830 13.5y3.82ti 24.4HS «15 K. 464,MO 193.864,611 22.lo7.4Z7 286,643,752 73,060,185 1879. 448,165,000 1 544, JW.1,00(1 3«4 25;:,«00 23.64V,500 40.184,2ti0 13,145,660 6,080,387 £84,060.0511 35,644,000 181,360,000 | 400.108,000 580.260,000 120,No5,000 16.503.000 23,685,300 7.860,488 231,0(K;,000 21,464.Sid 325,851.280 78,971.000 $1,488,670,866 $1,004,480,060 This increase of some $415,000,000 in a single year is a most encouraging result. But there has also been an in­ crease of other values besides those of the crops noted above. The statistician of the department, who is reported to be gathering material upon which to base a careful estimate of the total in­ crease in certain other values during the year just closed, to include the in­ creased value of real estate and mining property, expresses the opinion, based upon material already gathered, that it W||J. not fait below $1,000,000,01)0. Exactness. There is nothing like exactness. An officer having to proceed on duty from one station to another, in making out his claim for traveling expenses put down the item, " Porter, 6d.," an item struck out bv the War Office. Not be­ ing inclined, to be defrauded of his sixpence, the officer informed the au­ thorities that the porter had conveyed his. baggage from one station to an­ other, and that had he not employed him he must have taken a cab, which would have cost 18d. In reply came an official notification that his claim would be allowed, but instructing him that he ought to have used the term " porter­ age " instead of " porter." He was de­ termined, however, to have the last Sword, and wrote back that he was un­ able to find any precedent for using the •word "porterage," but fcr the future would do so, and at the same time re­ quested to know if he was to use the tetm u cabbage " when he meant" $ab." --CKamb*r*' Journal^ How the Quaker Pat IV.^ All that a duel--or the challenge to a duel - amounts to is the silly dare " You risk your life and I'll risk mine." An improved form of challenge to a duel is the following Quaker note: "If thoujrilt eat twelve unripe apples just' befoft retiring at night, I will do the same, and we will see who survives." THE waves of a woman's handkerchief a row. * • ' > . . y t, < * f n>« ball's dsap touos--stear and sloww. Baat outoa th« Mmrtai air: - The cfeSld looked up, and, ami la*, mMfe "W» ata almost th«r*.» "»!Vr *$&;'.,£• -A-? Aad, once ssrala. when the apple Moo* „ * ^ - ' • Gave fragrance lo the bower. 1- • -> " „ - J I mt beside that self-same child-- V l ,.»AwrfeiuL' •t was her dyinK hour. " > V * A She laid: "Angels now are bearing BU . To lsnds where all is fair;" ' ] Tbea me closcd h#r eyes aud whispers* fewrsf. . j TWe are almost thswl* ^ ^ , CLAM3T0ON, Ark. Hlr r.» <J. T» * PITH AHD POINT. Vm'k A* ounce of r --»•<* is better tban a pound of wnlanatin^i after you have said it. THE sefl probably puts up with more' insults and abuse than any other ani­ mal. He is known as a fur-bearing animal. " THE prisoner being asked whethw he struck the man in the heat of nail' sion, replied: "No; I .truck him intip pit of the stomach." ' . IN extremis: Pat--"Do ye buy raga and bones here ?" Merchant--" We do. 8n"" Pat--Thin, be Jabers, put rae on the schkales!" j > DIDACTIC parent -- "Do yon knofjf why I am going to whip you?" Impefl tment urchin--"I suppose because yon are bigger than I am." _NUBSE--w Good-mom ing, Mr. Browifc*" Bid you have a good night? " Patient ~ fhe night was good enough, but I've had a beastly time of it--I have." p THESE is something terrible in tui;" expression of a cross-eyed barber whefei he takes a customer by the nose and holds a bright new razor over his throat. Iir I fail in trade, I can pome baoit to bee-raising," said Bijah. " Donnq^ said his father; "bee-hivea are pretvr poor things to fall back on." The old' man was right. IT was said of an inveterate drunkard that he had met with a great affliction, and drank to drown his grief. "The*^ said a bystander, " his grief must kno|jik' how to swim." "You promised to pay that bill yes­ terday," said an angry creditor to * debtor. "Yes," calmly replied ti§|L, other, "but to err is human, to foigfK? divine, and I forgot it." ; ? A LOVING British wife's postscript t her husband in New York: "Dear William: I have perused the police reports and Morgue returns every dai£ hoping to see your name." ^ A DANBUKY man can kick eleven* inches higher than his head. Du^ng good fruit years he hopes to make con­ siderable money in traveling through' the State and kicking boys out of treea. CHABLEY--"What girl was that you had in tow last evening?" Harry (on his dignity)--" What you please to call in tow, sir, is what people of culture generally speak of as blonde tresses, sir." TENNYSON frequently spends hours over a single line of his poetry before he can get it right, and.che Sweet Sing­ er of Michigan says if she couldn|| write poetry taster than that ahe would be ashamed of herself. A MEMBER of a School Board, not thousand miles from Boston, visited Ms ~ school under his jurisdiction. Wheal asked to make some remarks, he said : "Well, children, you spells well and reads well, but you hain't sot still." WHEN Boulton, the engineer, partnedh of Watt, stood in the presence edr George III. to open to him the mys­ tery of the steam-engine, and the Kinjfjf' asked him as he might ask a peddlea^ " What do you sell, sir?" Boulton rap plied, " What Kings, sire, are all food of--power." CLERGYMAN to newly-wedded pair-** "The marriage state imposes various duties. The husband must protect thb wife, while the wife must follow the husband wheresoever he goes." Bride -- ".Lor', sir,can't that be altered in ouv ease? My husband is going to be ft country postman." ^ A BRIDAL party approached the hy­ meneal altar and the clergyman pro­ ceeded with the service: " Wilt thou, Mary, take, etc. ?" he inquires. "NawP* is the reply. " What!" cries the good pastor; "if you don't want to marry tlanp gentleman, why didn't you say so soon? er? What made you wait till the mo­ ment of the ceremony?" "Because, sir, you are the first that hat conde­ scended to ask my advice or consent Ipt the matter." IT is pointed out that, in these badt times, a hint how to provide a most af- ceptable and inexpensive present fop. the children may not be unwelcome. It was the practice of an eminent army surgeon to lock up his olive branch * week before the anniversary of his birthday. On that day he solemnly opened his dungeon and released him, saying: "The most valuable boon which man can enjoy is liberty! Take it, my son, as a welcome presepfc irQjn your parental" » ^ Vi« A Stray BUIet-Doux. * ^ Three ministers sat in the pnlpit East Liberty Church, on Sunday eveij» ing. Arising young artist who has'II comfortable studio--if studios are very comfortable--on a street running from Water to Liberty, wko is one of the workers in said church, walked bravely to the pulpit before service and gave one of the ministers a notice to read before benediction. The services were about being closed, when the young artist again went forward and reminded the minister that he must not forget the notice of the temperance meeting down town. The minister begged pardon fqar his remissness, took the slip of paper from his vest pocket, read it, looko^ dazed, rubbed his eyes, then smiled. He passed the note to a brother minis* ter, and he smiled. Then he passed It to the other minister, aud he smiled. Then all smiled. Then No. 1 remarked, that he would like to speak to the young artist. The latter advanced to the pulpit, received the notice, looked at it, colored very red, and looked as though he would like to jump through the window. He had given the pastc$ a notice of a temperance meeting whicp -' read something like this: 6EAB JOHN: I am sorry I can't let yon coma to see me a« frequently as usual, but papa nod mamma think I should not receive e?eu my vary dear friends during the Lenten MMOS. It's awfully disagrefcsbSe if not positively cru& but you know we Episcopalians can't *o bads «>n Len\ I shall see you oftener than usual,"1 hope, whea the holy a^ason is gone wiiem tha* > woodbine twineth. Yours with friendship, *?}: --Pittsburgh (Pa.) Dispatch. * THERE was a bull-fight by moonlight? in Cam peachy, Mexico, reoently, ip which it is said that the Governor at the State figured, disguised as fe:' r f? i ' - -i. ;• ' •v'-MM* f?S', -