The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

I. VAN SLYKE. E«torand PobKahtr. %oHENRY, ILLINOIS. CON(JRESSIOSAJU4J£(J- I8LATI0N. Y * ; ̂ [From the Chicago TrftaM.) > it Intelligent men who are disposed to llct with national parties from consci­ entious motives ought not to omit a re­ view of the career of the late Congress, ffrhich was Democratic in both houses. "They will search the record in vain for 4|ny useful legislation that will compen­ sate for the cost of three sessions of Congress or justify the Democratic pre- pensions to capacity for lawmaking; but <hey will find it replete with lost oppor­ tunities and deliberate neglect of the de- Jtoacds of the people. The Democrats iirere not embarrassed in any respect by the Republican administration, which interposed its veto only in cases where <he integrity or credit of the Govern­ ment was concerned--such as the pro­ posed repeal of the national election laws •*nd the enactment of an unfair funding law, intended rather as a blow to the national-bank system than as a relief to J&e Government. The responsibility for succession of failures, therefore, rests entirely upon the shoulders of the Democratic party. When thu late Congress met for its last session its mission was very clear. There were certain thingB to do, the relative importance of which was easily recognizable. The appropriations for running the Government, the agreement upon a practical scheme for refunding -the bonds bearing a high rate of interest •and subject to call, and the passage of a& apportionment bill under the new •census were, in their order, the essen­ tials of the session. There were other •opportunities for useful legislation, but -a'successful disposition of the measures named would have acquitted the Forty- sixth Congress of a deliberate neglect of public interests. Instead of proceeding in proper sequence to the consideration -of these legislative projects, the session was opened with a desperate effort in the House to secure a partisan advantage by the adoption of an unfair rule for •counting the electoral vote. The Dem­ ocratic leaders were not able to secure "the presence of their own majority--in itself a grievous disregard of the public trust which had been reposed in them-- and hence they blocked legislation for a considerable time by insisting upon a partisan plan which they could not carry •out. Meanwhile the Senate was con­ demned to idleness, and the country was agitated by the implied threat of •disputing the count of theelectoral vote. It was known that the time of Con­ gress was limited, and yet it was not till long after the holiday vacation that the Funding bill was brought fairly to con- jsideration, and then in such a shape as to alarm the monetary institutions of the country. So stubborn was the Dem­ ocratic purpose to make funding a pre­ text for attacking the national banks that the measure was dragged out to the very end of the session rather than to Abandon the coercive feature it con­ tained. When it had passed tne two houses with the help of tricks and de­ ceptions the President vetoed it in time to give an opportunity for the passage of M bill identical in every respect except in its assault upon the national-banking ^system and its implied aspersion upon the Government credit; but'the Dem­ ocrats in Congress had no real desire to save the Government money unless they •could at the same time work out a spite they carried over for their late defeat, 4knd hence they contemptuously refused to give refunding any further considera- ~tion, and adjourned without passing a single measure of public value. • The ease with which a fair apportion­ ment bill was agreed upon in the House by the Republicans and. a sufficient number oi Democratic votes, when the matti r had been fairly presented, proved that an earlier consideration of the sub­ ject would have given the Senate time to •concur. Such a course would have eaved large expense and great embarrass­ ment to many of the States. But the Democrats were indifferent to all this nnli ss they could obtain partisan con­ cessions in the future composition of Oongress, and they permitted appor­ tionment to fail along with refunding, AH that was actually done during the session was the passage of the appropri­ ation bills, and probably some of these would have been allowed to fail if the Democrats had not been solicitous to Avert an extra session, and thus save the patronage during several months which Attaches to their control of the House •organization. The consideration of the various appropriation bills was conspic­ uously hurried and superficial. There was no lpnger so much as a pretense to economy, and as a last grab the River and Harbor bill was run up to more than $11,000,000, and now stands as the fitting termination of a worthless and greedy control of the legislative power of the Government extending over a term of two years. There were ample opportunities for the useful and patriotic exercise of the lawmaking function outside the pressing, necessities of the session. All were neglected alike. Mr. Reagan made re­ peated efforts to secure consideration for his bill, or some other measure looking to the regulation of inter-State railway •commerce, but in vain. Congress was in session at the time of the consolida­ tion of the telegraph companies with a capital stock representing three or four tones the actual value of their equip­ ment, but Mr. Springer was unable to secure its attention to the public demand for Government protection against the monopoly. The Senate passed the Bumside Educational bill, which, though deficient in rendering any substantial aid to the cause of national educa­ tion, contained an important recogni­ tion of the principle involved; but the House refused to. take the slightest notice of the matter. There was a per­ sistent refusal on the part of the Dem­ ocrats in both houses of Congress to permit any measure providing for ex- President Grant to come up for consid­ eration. The opposition to such a meas­ ure was prompted by party spite, and the only compensation for its failure is to b3 found in the re flection that the Democrats were not able to carry through their scheme for reinstating Fitz John Porter to the army. The tariff, civil- service reform, improvement in the pat­ ent laws, and various other matters of public import aSout which tue Demo­ crats have manifested great concern, were deliberately ignored, and the ses­ sion was absolutely unptoductive of public pool. The Democrats cannot escape their responsibility for tho omissions and fail­ ures of the late Congress. They were in full control. They consumed the time of Congress in partisan discussions, disgraceful scenes, and constant at­ tempts to rush through private jobs and public schemes of an objectionable char­ acter. That they failed in a large pro­ portion of the latter was due to the vig­ ilance and ability of the Republican mi­ nority. SOUTHERN POLITICS. What s Hmrih Carolinian Say*. [Washington Cor. Chicago Inter Ooean.] Ex-Congressman W. A. Smith, of North Carolina, is in the city. A con­ versation with him naturally turned upon the late dramatic scene in the Sen­ ate and Gen. Mahone's present position, and its effects upon the future politics of the South were freely discussed by the genial North Carolinian. " What effect," was asked, " will Mr. Mahone's movement have on the Bour­ bon element in Southern politics ? Will there be a break ?" * " I cannot speak for the Bourbons of other Southern States, but for those of North Carolina I can say that the only effect will be to intensify their hatred for Mahone and all of those who choose to think and act as he has done. The Bourbon, as he exists in North Carolina, can only be reformed by death. He is like the fool of whom Solomon speaks, who, even though brayed in a mortar, would be none the less a fool. Give the Bourbon of North Carolina all of the of­ fices, and permit him to dispense the patronage of the General Government, and he will be one of the nicest and pleasantest persons in the world, but he will not show any sign of gratitude. He accepts this as his right--the inherited right to rule." " Is there a Democrat in North Caro­ lina who could carry the State as . Ma­ hone carried Virginia, that is, by avow­ ing himself a Liberal, or, in other words, an enemy of Bourbonism ?" " There is only one." "Who is he?" " Senator Matt Ransom." " Why do you think Ransom oould do this ?" " Because he is so well beloved all over the State that he could carry off enough Dehiocrats to carry the State for any ticket that he might lead. But we do not need such a man. We've got Republicans enough to carry the old North State, without winking or blink- ing, plain, honest, stalwart Republicans, Garfield, Blaine, Grant and Conkling men, who, if properly encouraged and given a clear field and a fair tight, will make North Carolina as reliable a Re­ publican State as any of those which cast their electoral votes for Garfield and Arthur." " Wha» do you mean by encourage­ ment?" "To give every office, from the low­ est to the highest, to the Republicans alone, and to give to North Carolina her full share of the patronage of the Gov­ ernment." " Has not this been the policy of the administrations which have gone be­ fore ? " " No. sir; not all of them. Mr. Hayes* Southern policy disorganized us as a party in North Carolina. Had it not been for this policy, we would have car­ ried the State for Garfield. By adopt­ ing a policy which showed that he thought we were not as good as Demo­ crats, he discouraged the Republicans, and caused many of them to desert the camp. They couldn't see any use of fighting when their political enemies were sure to be rewarded with the hon­ ors and spoils in any event." " How do you like the policy of the present administration as far as it has developed?" V " We have not seen enough of it to judge, but we have every reason to be­ lieve that it will be a stalwart, straight­ forward one, and all that we desire." " Do you, as a Southern Republican, think Mahone ought to be encouraged by the administration ?" " I certainly do. He has had a hard fight in the past, and will have a harder one in the future, and therefore it should be the policy of all friends of freedom and fair play to hold up his hands, and in every legitimate way give him and the true men who back him all the moral and material support that they can command." " How are you Republicans treated in North Carolina ? Auy social ostracism or bulldozing?" " None at all, now. There are 60,000 white Republicans in the State, and they are the equals of the Democrats in wealth, intelligence and social standing. So, you see, as a matter of policy, they treat us well." " How do they treat the block Re­ publicans ?" " The better class of white people treat them as well as they are treated anywhere, and the Democracy have been particularly sweet on them lately, their evident intention being to fill the Demo­ cratic ranks, which have been depleted by white deserters, with black recruits. They love the darky when he votes with them, otherwise not." Costume la Nevada. Her dress was of a highly-wrought fabric of old pinchbeck gold, frosted over j with Paris-green can-spangles, and bro- j cadcd with mahogany sawdnst. There was an exquisite overskirt, shirred with 1 hempen yarn of a unique pattern, and elegantly caught up with a costly zinc- j plate suspender buckle. A wreath of natural shoemakers' wax ; hung in ravishing waves from the waist, while loops of molasses candy heightened the caudal appendages of the basque-de- | coat. The train was massive and decol j lete. It was gorgeously resplendant j with a row of richly embroidered shells- i de-oyster, sprinkled with assorted grains ! of costly coal-de-ashe. Surmounting all was a rich Oriental mantle of bag-de- cordage, which was pinioned at the right shoulder of the fair wearer with a shingle- de-nail, on which was a leviathan carved dome, wrought entirely of rare pieces of gum-de-spruce. | The fair wearer of all this magnificent apparel wore a tin star, buried in a per­ fect torrent of red hot black-coal hair, while she glided through the mazes of the danoe like a gazelle with its right arm in a sling. When she brought her pretty little Cinderella slipper down up­ on the marble tiles of the festive hall, the rafters in the building shook with silver lighter, while crockery in the cellar, like enchanted fa ries, leaped up and kissed the floor underneath. When ex­ cited and full of enthusiasm, this lovelv Venus opened her mouth, revealing two massive rows of pearl that reminded the enchanted beholder of trains of white­ washed cars gliding on wings of love through Hoosac's magnificent tunnel. Her musical laugh sent a thrill of delight across the maps of surging, worshiping humanity, lik- t e trickling of cold milk punch down tl e back of a man •who has just filled his boots with chocolate ice­ cream.-- Carson Gazette. POETRY is the art of substantiating Shadows and of lendiug existence to nothing. THE FAMILY DOCTOR. Take a knife or grater and shave off in small particles about a tea- spoonful of alum, mix it with twice the quantity of sugar, to make it palatable, end administer it as quickly as possible. Almost instant relief will follow. , WHOOPING COUFTH.--Tho inhalatipn of air charged with ammonia vapors, as a remedy for whooping-cough, has been tried in France with success. One of the methods of application employed is boiling ammonia in the room where the patient is. COUOH SIBUP.--Four ounoes of the best gum arabio dissolved in one pint of boiling water, with sugar, lemon juice and balsam tolu added; the whole or one-half daily taken before retiring will soothe throat and stomach irritations and relieve a cough. HEADACHE CURE.--Apply peppermint to the frontal bone, or forehead (never rubbing it), and fan it. Repeat this tli.ee or lour times, and then apply coiogne, and fan again. If the head­ ache is caused by a foul stomach, then swallow a small portion of hot water and peppermint. A CUM FOB DITHTHBBIA.--A South African paper gives the following simple remedy for curing that distressing and commonly fatal malady diphtheria. It is vouched for as being efficient in the most obstinate cases, provided that it is applied in time. A spoonful of flowers ot sulphur is well stirred in a wineglass- ful of water. This mixture is used as a gargle, and afterward swallowed. Brim­ stone is known to be abhorred by every kind of fungoid growth, and this remedy, which it may here be added has been long known to medical men in Great Britain, may have something in it. LIP CONTAGION.--A young lady writes way from California to ask if it is possi­ ble for one person to acquire blood poison from another through kissing, or by drinking from the same cup. Cer­ tainly. Contagious diseases have been conveyed in those ways too often to per­ mit of any doubt of it, and every one ought to know it Disease is not likely to be conveyed from lip to lip in kissing, unless the person diseased has a sore or abrasion of the mucous membrane, but the latter may be so slight as not to be noticeable. The practice of allowing in­ discriminate kissing of children is not safe. Between those who are not very well acquainted, a nod of the head or shake of the hand is enough. If one must drink from a public cup it is well to place its rim against the skin below the hp rather than against the more re­ ceptive mucus membrane.--l)r. Footc'a Health Monthly. How TO VENTIIIA/TE A BEDROOM WITH­ OUT CHILL.--With a proper supply of windows, and a proper supply of fuel in open fireplaces, fresh air is compara­ tively easy to secure when your patient is in bed. Never be afraid of open win­ dows then; people do not eaten cold in bed. This is a popular fallacy. With proper bedclothes and hot bottles, if necessary, you can always keep a patient warm in bed, and well ventilate him at the same time. But a careless nurse will stop up every cranny, and keep a hot-house heat when her patient is in bed, and, if he is able to get up, leave him to do so, without any precaution against chill. The time when people are most liable to take cold is when they first get up, after the twofold exhaustion of dressing and of having had the nhi« relaxed by many hours, perhaps days, in bed. Then tho same temperature which refreshes the patient in bed may be fatal to the patient just risen. They Drank HI in Up. In the neighl>orhood of Marseilles, not long ago, was discovered an ancient Ro­ man burying-ground, containing, among other interesting graves, that of Consul Caius Septimus, wherein a quantity of antique weapons and coins were found, and, moreover, an amphora--the inscrip­ tion upon which was all but illegible-- containing a small quantity of a thick, reddish liquor. The amphora, emptied of its contents, was submitted to the in­ spection of an eminent archaeologist, who, after bestowing extraordinary pains on the deciphering of the mutilated char­ acters engraven upon its surface, de­ clared it to be his opinion that they in­ dicated the presence of genuine Faler- niau within the vessel, adding that Caius Septimus, a jovial consul of considerable repute as a judge of good wine, had ob­ viously ordered that a flnsk of the best vintage in his cellar should be buried with him. The scientific gentleman who had discovered the consul's grave and taken possession of its contents, upon learning the true character of the liquid relic in question, at once started for Paris with his Falernian in a glass decan­ ter, and, there arrived, invited a dozen of his friends, members of the Academy of Inscriptions, to a dinner at one of the leading restaurants. At desert he pro­ duced the "consul's wine," carefully poured it into four tiny liqueur glasses, and handed it round to his guests, ex­ horting them to drink it, reverently and upstanding, to the immortal memory of Caius Septimus. The glasses had scarcely been emptied when a telegram was brought in by the head-waiter on a salver, and laid before the founder of the feast. Ho opened and glanced at it, and then, letting it fall to the floor, fled from the room, with a cry of terrible agony. One of the startled Academicians picked up the message and read it aloud. It ran as follows : "Marseilles, 7 p. m. Don't driuk contents of amphora. Not Faler­ nian at all. Have deciphered inscription on foot, which previously escaped my no­ tice. Red liquid is body of Consul Caius, liquified by special embalming process." But the friendly warning come too late. The archfeolagist and his Academical colleagues had drank up the cotisul to his last drop. Stock-Raising in the West. The freedom to pasture cattle on ex­ cellent grazing land, together with an accessible market, are the main reasons why at present stock-farming is particu­ larly profitable. The first of these con­ ditions is precarious, and it is evident that in ten years there will not be much good free range left east of the Missouri river. When immigration to that extent shall have shut li m off from free pastur­ age, tho stock man can either Bell liis farm at probably four times its present value, and move to Dakota or Montana, or else turn his attention to fattening stock on grain tor other parties. For instance, as a practical case, there is a cattle man of Council Bluffs who is said to own 100,000 hefcd of cattle in Idaho. He has a range of sixty square miles of land not worth a cent to the acre for agriculture, yet affording excel lent pasture for eatile. He has ten men employed at wages varying from $24 to $40 per month to look after the stock. These men require '200 ponies to handle the cattle. An overseer is hired at $1,200 a year. During the winter, how­ ever, tour men c^in do all the work re­ quired, which isniaijily breaking the ice i:i the streams that the cattle may have water. Stream* serve as the great checks upon the eat'le straying away, for they never will go far from water. In the t-pring of the year the cattle men of the plains have a gruud " round up " (as it is called), the stock is picked out by means of the brand, and those cattle that are meant for the Eastern market are started for Omaha. They travel about ten miles a day, and gen­ erally take the whole season in the journey from the winter ground to the Missouri bottom. At Omaha the cattle are put on the train and shipped nominally to Chicago, but really to different points along the road, to be handed over to farmers for fatten­ ing. Mr. Stewart delivered over 1,900 head to farmers lust fall, and of these only eight were lost during the winter. The parties who reeeive the cattle agree to fatten them at the rate of 5 cents for every extra pound of weight they add to the animal. This seems small at first sight, but when cattle put on 250 extra pounds during a winter, and where two hogs are fed from the refuse of each ox, the farmer finds that the result to him is equivalent to selling his corn at 100 per cent, profit. The large cattle-raisers, of course, have their inspectors, who travel from farm to farm to look after their property, and gather it together in the spring for shipment to Chicago, where they are either slaughtered or shipped to Europe. The cattle men have a great advantage over mere farmers, in that they are to a great extent independent of railways. If they are badly treated by one corporation, they have a simple remedy in driving their stock a few miles, to the next road.--Harper*« Magazine A Big Load of Wood. The Rev. Dr. Wellington was the old Templeton minister from early in the eighteen hundreds, and Col. Leonard Stone wa» one of his parishioners. It was the custom to supplement the min­ ister's moderate salary with presents from the products of the farms, and especially with wood. Now Col. Leon­ ard, one day in January, 1822, was draw­ ing to the parsonage some of his nice hardwood. It was a good ox-load--two cords or so. As he was going across the common with it his brother, Col. Ephraim, caught sight of him from the store, and was surprised at such a great load. "Hello!" says he, "why don't you take your minister a load of wood while you're abbut it ?" " Now, look here," says Col. Leonard, "I've been sawing out lumber down't the mill, and there's any quantity of slabs. I'll give the minister as big a load as you can take !" Col. Ephraim was a man for fun. He instigated the townspeople to take hold with him and accept his brother's chal­ lenge. First, they made the sled. Long trees were cut for the runners. These were made thirty-odd feet long and set eight feet apart. The body of tho sled projected two feet over the runner on each side. Thus the sled would hold twelve regular oords at one layer. There were two tongues, one in front of each runner. On the appointed day the men and the oxen from all over toiAt came to the meeting place. The sled was taken to the saw-mill and backed up against the great pile. On went the slabs with a will. Col. Leonard stood by, laughing, cheering, urging them along. When they had got on us much as they thought would do, they hitched up the team. One hundred and sixty oxen, four- abreast, found it easy enough to pull. They had to go around through Bald- winville, because there was not room at the Otter river bridge for the sled to turn in. When they had got onto the level ground above Baldwinville, they stopped and unliitched. Then with thoir eyery-day sleds they went back to the mill to bring more slabs and pile them on the big load. This they kept up till there were no more slabs. Forty cords lay piled up on that sled. And the evening and the moimngjMpre the first day. *. • • • jf • - The nest morning came the rest of the journey " up in town." The school children were let out to see the great sight go by. One of them, to whose home it was going, says it looked as big as a house. It lay unloaded for quite a while out by the parsonage, and people came from near and from far to see. It kept Mr. Wellington in slabs for years to come. When the great sled was taken to pieces, some of the timbers were used in building Mr. Winch's barn, and may be seen there in the framework until this day.--Boston Advertiser. A Literary Cariosity. It has not been thought necessary to give the backward as well as the forward reading of the following sentences, save in those in which there seemed some special reason for printing tho two ver­ sions. In going through the sentences backward, the requisite olianges in the punctuation must be understood by the reader: Kirs slowly fading day; wind* mournful sigh; Brightly stars are waking; Flies owlet, hooting, holding revel high. Nightly alienee breaking. Breaking silence nightly, High revel holding, hooting owlet file*; Waking are stars brightly; Sigh mournful winda; day, fading alowly, diet. Adieu, love. Part we must Stay, oh! stay, said she, weeping piteoualy. Now, indeed, sorrow is mine. Alas ! alted by the one, nor overthrown by the other, but to bear ourselves toward everything which happens with such ease and indifference of mind as to haz­ ard as little as may be. Every pleasure has its offsets; onee believe that fully, and we are on the right track of thought. PITH AlfD P0IN& Solomon had vast treasures--silver and gold - -things precious. Happy &nd rich and wise was be. Faithfully served he God. Men like fighting, though often beaten are they. She sits lamenting sadly, often too much alone. __ Dear Harry: Devotedly yours remain I. Have you forgotten £20 check? Reply immediately, please, aud to your*, Gi'ice Darling. Darling Grace: Yours to hand; please imme­ diately reply. Check £20, forgotten, you have. I remain yours devotedly, Harry dear. A BOCTOB'S ADTIC* TO A DYSPEPTIC*. Flax, with work blend, keep warmish feel Away drive trouble, slowly eat; Air pure breathe, aud early rise; Beware exceve, take exercise. Exercise take, beware; ltise early, and breathe pure air; Bat slowly ; trouble drive away; Feet wariuihU ko>p, bl=nd work with play. Float they gayly side by side, Paufintf, fearing, doubting never; Laughitig, singing, on they glide, Hope aud youth coinpanious ever. --^tC* Mines at Midnight. An old Ruby Hill miner, who has had fifteen years' experience under ground, says he has observed one peculiar fact, that between 12 and 2 o'clock in the night, if there is a loose stone 6r bit of earth in the mine, it is sure to fall. Says he: "About this time it seems that everything begins to stir, and immedi­ ately after 12, although the mine has l>een as still as a tomb before, you will hear particles of rock and earth come tumbling down, and if there is a caving piece of ground in the mine it is sure to give way."--Cnnt'in ('Av>iiKul. Born to Trouble. We can never escape trouble ; wo are born to affliction, and we may depend upon it, while we live in this world we shall have it, though with intermissions ; that is, in whatever state we are. we shall find a mixture of good and evil, and, therefore, the tni-^ way to content­ ment is to know how to receive those certain vicissitudes of li'e--the ivturns of good and evil-- f o as neither to be ex­ Boso* companions--Studs. A BHEKT and pillow-case party--The bedbugs. HABI> money is not hard to get when one has a soft job. BOARDINQ-HOTTSB butter solves the question of " rapid rancid." " A NHW way to pay old debts'* li to take the cash and pay them. A TouNo lady at a ball called her beau an Indian because he was on her trail all the time. IT was a Connecticut minister whose salary was $25 a year and the fish he caught. A TEMPTATION for milkmen to emigrate to Kansas is the fact that extensive chalk beds exist there. WHY cannot a gentleman legally pos­ sess a short walking-stick ? can never be long to him. WHY is the money you are in the of giving to the poor like a newly-born babe ? Because it's precious little. AN Indian chief, after the romantic Jbanner of his nation, hi* musket "Book Agent," because it is an old. smooth bore, " ° f.r *^st **" you le».p, you dunce, Ibe lightning's Btrofce would harm you lass." He leaped; off went hi» head at onoe-- 1 So much," Mid " for RounduM.* A LECTURER says, "fullness under the eye denotes language." He has probably been knocked down for some­ thing he has said. "OH, woe is me," exclaimed the boy of the house in the midst of his work, " to have sawed what I have sawed, and saw what J see !" BOSTON has established an "Institute of Heredity." Children who wish to l>e born into poor but distinguished fami­ lies should apply early. OBSERVING little brother's remark be­ fore a room full of company : "I know what made that red mark en Mary's nose ; it-was the rim of John Parker's hat!" PLAY spades if you would win pota­ toes ; play clubs if you would deal with a ruilian ; play hearts if you would win friendship; play diamonds if you would win a woman. " How LIKE its father!" said the nurse, on the christening of a baby whose father was over 70, " Very like, ' said a satirical lady ; " bald, and not a tooth in its head. "DOCTOR," said Julius Crasar to a Galveston doctor, "I think my liver . must be outof order." " What are your symptoms ? " " Well, after I have taken ten or fifteen toddies I fall asleep, and its soon as I wake up I am tormented with thirst"--Galveston New*. " THE mainspring of Italian music in the eighteenth century," says a recent writer, " was the exclusive and passion­ ate worship of the human voice. " Italian music has experienced a change. Its mainspring now is in a box, is worked with a handle. SWEET HISS MAT. Sighed Mr. Jouer, " My dear Miaa May, I dreamed an auctioneer, one day. Cried, 'Going, going, gone.' I thought I W»R the nlave he sold. And you--you bought me with your gold To kneel before your throne." "You're easily sold," emiled sweet Miaa May, " For when I heard the fellow aay You're * Going, going, gone,' I thought, alaa! he little knows He's selling one who never goes. And"--Mr. Jones had flown. THE last words of a dying photogra­ pher, "Now keep very still." Those of a dying ferryman, "I'm going over the river." Those of a dying barber, "I'm going to curl up and dye." Those of a moribund cobbler, " 'Tis awl up. My sole's safe at last." Those of a murderer about to be hung, "This suspense will kill me." ONE of our militia soldiers owns that he does not want any gore. Somebody asked him: " Now, Captain, what would you do if you were in the presence of the enemy?" "That all depends on the enemy. If the enemy were to run, and there were not many of them, I'd make it hot for them, but if the enemy wouldn't run, then I would. One of us has to get up and dust, anyhow, you know."--Galveston News. A TRAMP, while under the influence of beer, applied to a citizen for a tempo­ rary loan. "I am not in the habit of investing money in such enterprises, but here is a quarter for you," said the citizen, " but be careful you don't spend it for whisky." The tramp stowed away the quarter, and a tear of gratitude glistened in his eye as he said: "You're a brick, but I want you to understand that it is none of your blank business what I buy with my money. It's my money now, and I'll just buy what I blank please with it. I wish you would not meddle with my private affairs." White Horse Shares. A New Yorker was seated in an office in Gunnison City, Col., one day, when a grizzly looking old chap entered and asked if that was the place where they sold shares of the White Horse Silver Mine. Being assured he was in the of­ fice of the company he observed: "I have heard the White Horse spoken of as being a likely mine." "It certainly is. We took $10,000 worth of ore out in one day." "Phew! She must be just old richncss! How many men have ye got to work.' "Oh, about three hundred." "Have ye, though? Are the shee . go­ ing off pnrty lively?" "Shares are selling like hot cakcs, and we have only a few left. Everybody says the White Horse is a big invest­ ment. " "What are sheers worth to-day ?" "I will sell you at ninety-five, though I know they will be worth face value to­ morrow. " "No! You don't really mean ninety- five?" "I do." "Well, that's better; there's a hundred sheers which you sold my pard yester­ day for twenty dollars. I went over to the mine, found nothing but a hole and a dead mule, and I told him I'd come up^ and get his money back, or do some shooting! I'm tarnal glad to find them sheers has riz from twenty to ninety-five. That will give my pard his money back, and buy me a winter outfit besides. Here's the sheers, and now let me see the color of your money!" "Cut, sir, we--" "Pass out the cash!" said the old man, as he rested the end of his shooter on the edge of the counter. The company had left his revolver in his overcoat outside, and he didu't be­ lieve the New Yorker would shoot for him. Alter a look around, he began counting out tho money with a bland stnile, and as he made the exchange he said: "Certainly, sir--greatest of pleasure, sir. Sorry you didn't hold them one day more, and get tho full face value!" ILLINOIS LEGISLATURE. SMRDAT, aaieb 5IL--DBUTI.--A handful of Senators assembled themselves together listened to the reading of a resolution instract- mg the Anditor to issne hia warrant for the payment of the bills in connection with the railroad and warehouse investigation when certified bv the Chairman of theBailroad Com­ mittee. No business was dons. HOUSE.--Forty-six members of the House-- Jnst thirty-one short of a quorum--got to­ gether this afternoon and rushed through an avalanche of bills on first reading. Eighteen Senate and thirty-five House bills were thus advanced to the second stage. The abaenos of a quorum prevented any farther business. TUESDAY, March 22.--SESATS.--The special order for the morning was taken ap, being the consideration, on second reading, of Senator Fuller's Terminal Charsre bill After consider­ able discussion the bill went to third reading The bill forbidding the sale of deadly weapon to minors was road a third and last time, and passed by a vots of yeas 29, nays 5 Bills were introduced as follows: Allowing cities and villages to disconnect additions thereto ; offering a royalty on fo* scalps ; re­ imbursing one Shinniek in the sum of £5,000 for losses sustained in filling a contract of the Southern Insane Asylum. A Senate bill appro­ priating $4,500 for the ordinary expenses oi the State Laboratory at Normal failed on its passage. Horse.--Bills introduced • To appropriate $2,400 for the relief of the widow of Caleb Hopkins, who acted for some twelve years as custodian of the State arms and ammunition by the authority of the Governor, but without pay; amending the act in relation to township support of paupers by requiring the question of abandonment of such township support to be submitted on the petition of 100 legal voterj of any town in any county, in­ stead of a majority of the townships; a resolution declaring that the Legislature should adjourn at the earliest day practicable, 6Uch a course being imperatively demanded by the people : striking out the provision limiting rroceedings to disconnect the land not laid out iuto city or tow a lots, so that all lands may be disconnected if so desired ; to modify the form of affidavit required of a challenged voter ; to fix the pay of members of the General As­ sembly at i?8 per day, and the same mileage and incidentals as at present, but providing they shall be only paid for the time actually in attendance. The Senate resolution relative to the improvement by the United States Government of the Kankakee and Iroquois rivers was adopted. A bill to allow owners of mill property to draw the outlets of ponds or lakes of water, and to provide for compensation to private property injured thereby was pissed. The bill provid­ ing for tho apportionment of the State school fund on the basis of the census of 1883 was tabled at the author's request, for the reason that what the bill proposed to do the Anditor has in tho meantime done without any bill. A bill authorizing State's Attorneys to collect the lines for various misdemeanors which go to the school fund, and to retain the fees and commissions allowed them by law, was discussed at some length and finally decapitated. WEDNESDAY, March 23.--SENATE.--The special order for this morning was taken np, being Senator Mayfield's bill, on second read­ ing, requiring State's Attorneys to institute suits against railroad companies on complaints of discrimination and extortion. It was amend­ ed and scut to third reading. The bill appro­ priating $4,500 for the Laboratory of Natural History at Normal, which was killed yesterday, was revived and passed. The Senate bill requiring officers having the custody of public funds to publish a statement of the same was read a third time and passed. Senator Shaw's motion to reconsider the vote by which the Senate adopted Senator Clark's resolution to adjourn from April 15 to Feb. 15, 1882, was then taken up, and the resolu­ tion was tabled after much talk. Tho bill permitting United States surveyors to enter lands was passed. The bill giving fees to all witnesses in courts of record was killed. A bill giving voters {tower to authorize the lev­ ying of a tax for military purposes was dis­ cussed at great length and slain on the final vote. The resolution cutting off the introduc­ tion of all bilk except through committees after March 31 was adopted. The House amend­ ments to the Public Library bill wore promptly concurred in, and the bill passed. HOUSE.--A bill taxing railroad companies per cent, on gross earnings was introduced, The Joint Senate and House Committee to Visit State Charitable Institutions reported on the sub­ ject of npprepriations for State eiiantable insti­ tutions, recommending in all $1,551,400-- about one-third !es« than the several institutions asked for, and $100,000 more than the Gov­ ernor recommended. Bills were introduced: To provide for the publication of s com­ pilation of the statutes of the State; lequiring bridge companies to construct proper approaches to bridges in order that towing and other steamers ana bargos may safely pass in and out; to provide for the improvement of the navigation of the Kaskaskia river; to amend tho Feivand-Salary act in relation to Judges of city courts and County Judges; to abolish the exacting of tolls from funeral processions. The House then took up the special order for the day -- the resolution pre.-ented by the Farmers' Club demanding a revision of the Railroad and Warehouse Commission's sched­ ule of freight and passenger rates, and it was adopted. Bills passed: The Chicago Public Library bill; fixing tho salaries of the Canal Commissioners at f 1,000 per an­ num. instead of $5 a day as at present; reducing the expense of recovering damages for sheop killed by dogs from $10 to $2.59 ; fixing tho terms of tho Bureau County Court in February, Juno and October; providing that, where property is donated for park purposes, the improvement shall be paid for by special assessment of tho property benefited instead of by general taxation ; extending the official terms of To wn Supervisors to three years and provid­ ing for ona-third of the board retiring each year ; providing that two or more of the Judces or the Criminal Court of Cook County may each hold a different branch of said court at the same time; providing for the election of a Justice of the Peaoe in 5*se of vaoancy, where the unexpired term exceeds one year, and for an appointment by the County Board where it is less than that time; prohibiting the issue of blank writs by Justices of the Peace; allowing a minor to be­ gin suit by his next friend on the latter filing a bond, without any appointment by the court. TAUBSNAY, March 24.--SENATE.--The special order for the morning was taken up, being the consideration of the bill making stockholders liable for the full amount of the debts of cor­ porations, and amending the law thereof. The Dill was killed by a vote of 32 to 8. Majority and minority reports were re­ ceived from the Railroad Committee. The majority were of the opinion that very little further legislation con­ cerning railroads is heeded, except such as will tend to secure a better enforcement of the laws now on tho statute books, while the mi­ nority find much fault with the conduct of rail­ way affairs and with the Commissioners. The reports were very long. A motion to print the reports and evidence was made the order for 12 o'clock to-morrow. HOUSE.--The bill to appropriate $4,000 for experimenting with sorghum-cine to obtain sugar at the Illinois Industrial University was killed. The whole day was spent on the order of bills on second reading, and many were sent on their way to become laws. Bills were intro­ duced : Providing that parents w.llfnlly aban­ doning their children under the age of 1 year shall lose all right,controi,or authority over them; to abolish tho life penalty for murder, and to make the term of impriionment from ten to forty years, and to fix the penalty for man­ slaughter at not exceeding forty years, for rape from one to forty years, and for robbery, where the asfiailant is armed, not to exceed forty years ; regulating pawnbrokers ; makmg it per­ jury for an Assessor to swear that he has as­ sessed property at the fair cash value when the return is false ; to appropriate $3,000 for one W. G. Hill, injured at another solciiers' reuuion at Belleville; putting wages due laborers or servants for services performed for the di ce­ dent for the four months preceding his death in the seventh class of demands against es­ tates; to enable towns incorporated under a special charter to discontinue such lueorporu- | tion: a resolution to pay MierosUwsky, of j Cook, $893 for expenses in connection with the late contest for his sent; a reso­ lution raising revenue by hctfi.se and tax on earnings. Tha afternoon •eseiou was very pietism ntly wound up when' Lin g. r, of Alexander, rising to a question of privilege, presented Speaker Thorns, on behali of the mvmbers of the House, with a weli-execirod crayou portrait of h.mself, the work of a col­ ored man in Springtkld. FRIDAY, March 25.-SKXATE - The joint reso­ lution indorsing the non. Etaery C«»bb for the office of United B ates Coxini sionerof Agri culture, was concurred uk A bill was injro- duced limiting the charges of telegraph conk* ! pames for messages of ten worfs between. points in this State to 25 cents, includingdefivsrf. and a cent a word for every additional sraraL senator Condee presented t he report of UM Committee on WarehogBcs, recommending UM confirmation of Smith aud Bogus as Railroad and Warehouse Commissioners, and the Senate went into executive session and the gentlemen Were confirmed. The Gof*» ernor's appointees to the offices various charitable institution* were then coa» firmed, and the session arose. The qnestio* of printing the report and testimony of the itr- lesugation was made a speeial order for to­ morrow. The vote defeating Senator Lewjf bill to tax beds of mineral distinct from over­ lying land was reconsidered and the bill passed HOUSE.--The Canal Committee reported vorably on the Mann canal resolution, with tm amendment providing for a flow of 60,000 bic feet a minute through the canal "or Ml much thereof as in the judgment of the Oansl Commissioners the said canal can carry," ia lieu of the proposed inflow from the Desplainss and other streams. The subjeet was, by cond­ ition consent, deferred until Wednesday nesl» and made a special order for that timfe Bills wore introduced: Providing a cast-inM schedule of freight and passenger rates; to r»» pair the Supreme Court quarters at Mount Ve^» non. After adopting a resolution of regret sfr- the announcement of the death of Col. Fred Hecker, the House adjourned till afternoon In the afternoon bills on second reading oocS» pied the entire session. v " THE SNOW, HewlKsck Daniag* HIM it >s«st . [From Bradstreet] The extreme severity of the winter and tl# consequent lateness of the spring openfc|§ in the West have necessarily aroused i* eager desire to learn definitely the agtl». cultural, trade and transportation situation in the regions indicated. In response this want of the business public, we have obtained dispatches from our correspondents at Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, Dayto% Detroit, Grand Rapids, Indianapolis, Louie* • ville, Chicago, Peoria, St Louis, Milwaukee^ St. Paul, Burlington, Omaha, Kansas Crty, St. Joseph and Denver. Our correspondents at these centers are in constant communication with trained observers at interior points, wlio are in contact with the farmers and country merchants. One main que y which h is takes possession of the business public is: Has anything occurred in tne West to seriously check business prosperity? Fiomthe tenor of our dispatches, the answer unmistak­ ably is, No. While the elements have con­ spired to delay the spring trade in the West and Northwest, there is nothing to show that its volume will be less than last year. The trade situation is strongly sustained, ss the foundations of prosperity are unaltered, and promise to continue indefinitely. It is apparent that stocks of goods in the hands of country merchants are very much de­ pleted. This fact put with tho knowledge that the farming and industrial classes generally are just now abundantly able to purchase, in­ dicate conclusively that "both demand and con­ sumption through the spring must be large. Collections ha*o been slow, but it is evident that tne banks have been abundantly able to grant the credits required. While it is yet early to give judgment as to ibe general condition of winter wueat, it is safe to say, from our advices, that winter wheat has not been seriously injured. The uncer­ tain quantity as tc the wheat situation Is the extent to which spring-wheat sowing will be reduced, owing to the backwardness of the spring. The severe weather has besa seriously felt by the railroads in a large do- crease of earnings, owing to the expense at­ tending the dealing of snow aud ice from the tracks, and inability to receive and move mer­ chandise promptly. Regarding live-stock in­ terests, our Denver correspondent telegraphs that the losses on cattle will be under 10 par cent, and that one-tilth of the sheep NQS gone. This is toy no means ss bad ss has bee* . feareid. Chicago's Watch-Boxm, Chicago is ahead of all cities in lll|t „ Union in one respect, and that is in fhlf employment of what are called "watch* boxes." They have been in use but * very short time, yet they have so demo*» strated their utility that people now wonder how they ever got along without them. They are made of wood, am either square or sextngonal in shape, at* about three feet in diameter and seven feet high, and are provided with a tele­ phone locked in a box through a slot in which runs a telegraph alarm levee? Each box is provided with a door that is kept securely locked. The square boxes are usually fastened to a telegraph-pol^ while the sextagonal or newer form hike the place of a lamp-post at the corner of a street, the lamp being placed on its apex. Every member of the police and fire departments is furnished with key* to the doors of the watch- boxes, and also with keys to open the boxes con­ taining1 the telephones. Any responsi­ ble citizen who desires can procure a kegr to the doors of the watch-boxes upon making application at the police head­ quarters. Each key is lettered and numbered, and a register of the names and residences of the parties to whom they are furnished is kept. The boxes* adjuncts are trim-built wagons, eacfc drawn by two good horses. They am stationed at - convenient intervals throughout the city. Each wagon is manned by a driver and two policemen. We will suppose a citizen is passing along the street late at night, when ha encounters a gang of drunken roughs who assault him. There is no policeman within call to assist him, so the gang; alter pushing and jostling him about^ go on their way. The citizen goes to ths next corner, takes out his key and opens the door of the watch-box and pulls down the lever of the telegraph alarm. Each watch-box has its number and lo­ cation recorded, the same as ate fire- alarm boxes. In less than three mhratea, and often in a minute, the wagon is at his side with two policemen to assist him. The citizen meanwhile has his key remaining in the box, for while it throws the lock-bolt back the same motion s^ curely fastens it in the box, and he can­ not take it out until it is released by a special kev, which is only carried by police and firemen. If the citizen is badly injured the wagon takes him to his home or the hospital, while the police go in search of the ruffians who have mo­ lested him. This is only one of the numberless ways in which the box can be made useful. It is also used by the pokce to have drunkea or obstreperous prisoners taken to the station-houses without causing the patrolmen to leave their beats, etc. They not only assist in the capture of criminals, but, by making their capture more easy and certain than formerly, they prevent many of then^jjS1 from committing depredations. In case of riot or time of great need a peculiar alarm is sounded on the engine-house bells, when every policeman in the city goes to the nearest watch box on his beat aud receives instantaneous tele­ phone orders, telling him where to go mid what to do when he gets there. These watch boxes only cost £100 set np ready for use, Chasipagne. They say that we drink about 10,000,- 000 bottles of what is regarded as Frenck champagne wines in a year in the United States, and the estimate for some other countries is: England, 6,000,000; Rus­ sia, 2,000,000; France, 2,000,000; Ger­ many, 1,500,000. SCBKX--The gambling table at Monte Carlo. Personae--Young English lady with little sibter and a gentleman whose acquaintance they have uiude ai the hotel. Young lady--"On! I say, I shJi put a live-franc piece on the ntunber o( my age ! "--putting one on the 18. The number 28 wins. JLitUe sister--" VVhadi' fun I Kow, if you had re<uiy put it o* your right age, sis, yau wouulhavo w wouldn't you ? "