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figcftfnnt fflaindealft \ I. VAN SLYKE. E4 tor MS Psfeflctor. KOHENBY, . - ILLINOIS. IT is said tlmt Landseer never painted a fnil-grown cat. He painted kittens, and" left the rest to nature." 1 A MTTIJK girl in Louisville, while playing hide-and-seek, locked herself in a closet, and was nearly smothered •when rescued. fiuBOiiABS laboriously drilled seven holes in a safe at Madison, Wis. They discovered 11 cents--and also that the aafe had been left unlocked. But the 7 had the, satisfaction of knowing they spoiled the safe. FIFTY years ago the first American cheese crossed the Atlantic. During the year ending Oct 31, 1881, we sent 127,311 cheeses to our friends over the way, and the London hotels and coffee­ houses depend entirely upon the Ameri­ can 6upp]y. LAST year it -was tlie wind, and this year the water, that played havoc in the West. The destruction of property from floods in the Mississippi and Missouri valleys during 1881 has amounted to nearly $50,000,000, without estimating the iost time in farming, manufacturing .and other industries. IN the case of David Grant, leader of the Orangemen of Quebec, for false ar­ rest, against Mayor Beaudry, of Mon­ treal, it has been held by the Court of j memory has not suffered the slightest very peculiar species of woodpecker, which, hearing the vibrations of the wire produced in the poles, at once reaches the conclusion that a particu­ larly-succulent morsel of food in the shape of some insect heretofore unknown to them is concealed therein, and at once proceeds to peck the pole to pieces in search of its prey. Norwegian bears are also said to lie the victims of a most extraordinary delusion concerning tele­ graph poles. They also hear the hum­ ming of the wires reproduced in the poles, and sagely conclude that the noise is caused by the humming of bees. With the busy bee the bear naturally associates the idea of honey, and at once proceeds to scratch away at the base of the pole until it falls. Norwegian wolves are likewise so peculiarly constituted mentally that the insidious telegraph pole brings them under its fell influence, and it is gravely asserted that the wolves, imagining the wire to be some new kind of a trap gotten up for their especial benefit, strike out for the tall timl>er whenever they see one of the supposed inslpruments of destruction. THURLOW WEED lately passed his 84th birthday, and the veteran politician spent the greater part of if receiving the nu­ merous friends who called to offer him the congratulations to which the occa­ sion gave rise. The first to appear M as Mr. Hill, a retired merchant living at Weymouth, Mass. He is only four years the junior of Mr. Weed, and the two had nc»t met for severity-three years, having been boys together at Catskill. Mr. Weed's sight is failing, but his THE FAMILY DOCTOB. Queen's Bench that the Orange Society is illegal under the laws of the country, and that the arrest of Grant in July, 1877, was just and proper. THE city of Brooklyn has elected Seth Low to be her Mayor. . He is almost a boy in appearance, and is the son of probably the richest man in Brooklyn, the well-known tea merchant Low, who ! men take their bi er and I npver thought is of a Massachusetts family, long doing impairment. To a reporter who in­ quired regarding his habits of life, Mr. Weed said : •' When I was a printer, in my earlier days, I was an abstainer from all beverages supposed to i»e intox- j icating, even from beer. This -was not because I regarded total abstinence as a virtue, but becau&o I had 110 taste for drink. I used to see my fellow-work business in New York city. Young Low took the stump himself, though not a seeker for the office. His appearance was rather against him. His speeches Bounded Sophomoric, yet the polls were manued by young fellows. h'/r. Louis has a promising boy actor. Will J. Cartin, aged 13, was stage-struck last, year on seeing Keene in " Richard ]IT." He learned the play and secretly j d7sire for tobaeco trained a company of children to sup­ port him, HA dressed the parts with | taste and historical accuracy, had a stage ; built in his father's back yard, with all the fixtures, including a place for the orchestra. Recently ha has been em­ ployed in minor parts of a regular com­ pany, and is doing well. it my business to find fault with them because they liked it and I didn't. In later years I became an inveterate smoker, and the caricatures of me al­ ways represented me with a big cigar in my mouth. I never used tobacco in any other form. About twelve years ago I had a spell of sickness, aud when I was getting well my physician advised me to leave off smoking. I have not smoked since. In fact, J! have felt no since. JpFor a number PkBsoira struck by lightning, when not certainly killed, should have cold water poured or even dashed over them. AXI, copper and brass vessels should be carefully cleansed after being used, tc prevent the formation of injurious acid. SFALL experience goes to show that peo­ ple are far more liable to contract dis­ ease or contagious fevers on an empty than with a fnll stomach. THE only safe and immediate remedy within tii'e reach of a non-professional in case of poisoning by prussic acid is to pour a stream of cold water, from an elevation, upon the head and spine oi the patient. PROF. PALMER, in the Louisville Med­ ical N£W8, recommends coca to those who desire to break themselves of the habit of opium eating, and reports a series of cases which have given the best results. Others have tried it and have also reported favorably. Coca is an ex­ citant of the nervous system, and as such combats the terrible depression which ensues on suddenly ceasing the habit oi opium eating. In many of the cases re­ ported, this remedy has effected a cur« in a week. I11 some cases the opium was left off gradually, but Dr. Palmei prefers a sudden cessation. He thinke coca may be employed as a substitute foi opium. A dose should be taken every time a strong desire for opium is felt. THE Phrenological Journal, speaking of the healthfulness of fruit, says thai when Dr. B. F. Dunkley went to Dunks- burg, Mo., thirty years ago, there were no orchards, and very few vegeta­ bles raised. The diet of the people con­ sisted chiefly of corn-bread, bacon and black coffee. Inflammatory disorders ol the brain, boWels and heart, and malig­ nant dysentery afflicted the community, and were often attended with fatal re­ sults. Dr. Dunkley told his patients that their blood needed no medicine other than vegetable acids, and ordered them to eat oranges, lemons and sheep sorrels. Now fruit and garden vegetables are abundant and diseases are not of so malignant a type, and they yield read­ ily to medical treatment. Children who eat plentifully of Apples are in excellent health, while those that eat uo fruit are sickly. IN many cases of disordered stomach a teaspoonful of salt is a certain cure. In the violent internal aching, termed colic, add a teaspoonful of salt to a pint of cold water, drink it and go to bed ; it is one of the speediest remedies known. day must have been limited. Pears are regarded at the present time as among the most wholesome and nutritious fruits. Baking or boiling may improve them for weak digestive organs, but eaten raw and freely at all times they are productive of a fine blood and healthv skin. The amount of real nutriment they contain is hardly equal to that of apples, but the fine and delicate juices are hardly ex­ celled by any other fruit Pears are coming to be regarded as one of the staple fruit crops, and a great deal of attention is being paid to their culture and marketing. A French Barber Shop. [Prentice Mulford in San Francisco Chronicle.] French barber inclined to dull razor. Make up for deficiency in sharpness by physical strength. in shaving, it's a long pull, a strong pull and a pull al­ together with liim. A Frenoh shave is a modified sort of assault and battery with intent to half kiil. Barbt r's chair, straight back Suggests garrote. No cushions. Crotch for headrest. So all over the continent as well as in England. American must go abroad to appreciate his tonsorial luxuries at home. Foreign barber shop is ours as is a shambles to a parlor. Wlien French barber's shave seems half over, artist remarks, "Voila!" American sits still. Barber sings out again, "Voila!" and points to washbowl. Customers regard Americans curiously. Light at lust breaks in upon American. Finds out lie is expecetd to arise and wash lather from his own face. Custom of the country. Everybody does it Gets up and tries to do it Nothing but his own fingers given to wash with. No napkin. No si>onge. Washes. c Or tries to wash. Leaves lather in ears or thereabouts. Washing over. Has cuts bandaged: Goes but as if from a prize fight. Barber's apprentice expects fee. Urn on counter for that purpose. Penny therein elicits chorus of "Mercis!" ' 'Bieii mercis!" from all hands, from the boss barber down. Well worth a penny to hear such an explosion of thanks. French barber during shaving savage. Evidently one give.s himself in hand-to- hand conflict with an enemy. Lathers, cuts and slashes. Barbers wives aNo shave custodiers. Shaved by one this morning. Small suburlxin shop. Never shaved by a woman be tore, exeej t. at elmrcli fairs buying four-cent pincushion for one dollar. To raise funds to paint steeple and send a missionary to India. Head French barber out on a drunk. Assistant barl>er shaving French infantry officer 103d regiment Red pantaloons, The same will revive a person who seems l°ug sword, gilt tassel, and 103 wherever almost dead from receiving a heavy fall, it could be put 011 him. Sat down and In an apopleptic fit 110 time should be waited for completion of the operation lost in pouring down salt and water if | on the French army. Woman came sufficient sensibility remain to admit of ! from inner room. Barbery wife. Asked of years I have taken a little wine with my dinner." MR. J. STANLEY BROWN, private sec­ retary to the late President Garfield, has been requested by Mrs. Garfield to undertake the task of arranging her hus­ band's correspondence, letters and doc­ uments, so as to have them ready for the biographer next spring. As soon as he has completed the task assigned him by Mrs. Garfield he will connect himself with the banking and brokerage firm of Bateman, Brown & Co., of Wash­ ington, D. C. MRS. D. B. SILL, of Cuba. N. Y., for eight years has never been able to leave her bed alone. Hearing of the wonder­ ful cures effected by the prayers of Miss Judd, of Buffalo, who is said to have been cured of an almost-insufferable disease, Mrs. Sill sent for her. All medicines were cast out of the window, and the suffering woman was made an object for prayer. She soon began to improve and now she is declared to be about well. IT is generally supposed that when a man is running for Congress his political opponents car. say whatever they have a mind to about him, whether it is true or false, but a precedent has been estab­ lished in Pennsylvania that forbodes the destruction of the liberties of the press. When Mr. Scranton, of Scranton, Pa., was running for Congress, a year ago, a paper said that lie was a thief, and while Collector of Internal Revenue had stolen Government money. Mr. Scranton sued the editor for libel, and got 83,333 damages. THC dependence of the American citi­ zen upon his pie is quite touching. The amount consumed, if properly arranged with reference to statistical dyspepsia, would probably exceed the horror-in­ spiring figures which reformers love to cite in regard to the effect of tobacco and liqucrs. From 25,000 to 30,000 pies are daily sold in the city of New York alone. Multiply by fifty, the ratio of the population of New York city to that of the United States, it would appear that oyer a million aud a half of pie* are eaten every day by the people of the United States. -This does not include the pies made by private families and the large hotels in New York ; so that it is sate to say that at least a third of a pie or a pi* every three days is eaten by every family in tlie land. One curious feature is that during times of public excitement people do not 1 at as much as usual. One of the pie manufacturers says that duriu Garfield, especially at the time of his assassination and the day of his death, including also the <}ays of great sus­ pense, the business of pie eating and pie buying , fell. oK very seriously. The same is true of election times. Pump­ kin pie is going out of fashion, being superseded by apple and custard. How a Quaker Punished a Thief. A Quaker, having been disturbed by footsteps around his dwelling one night, arose from his bed and cautiously opened the back door to reconnoiter. Close by was an out-house, and under it a cellar, near a window of which was a man busily engaged in receiving the con­ tents of his pork barrel from another in . the cellar. j The Quaker approached, and the man I on the outside fled. He stepped up to | the cellar window and received the pork from the thief within, who, after a little I time, asked his supposed accomplice in a | 1 whisper : j "Shall we take it all?" The owner i : of the pork said softly, j ! "Yes, take it all;" and the thief ' handed up the balance through the j ! window and then came up himself. | Imagine his consternation when, iii- | 1 stead of greeting his companion in \ i crime, he confronted the Quaker. j Both were astonished, for the thief | | proved to be a near neighbor, of whom j ! none would have suspected such con- j I duet. He pleaded for mercy, begged I I him not to expose him, spoke of tko ne- ! ; cessities of poverty, and promised faith- i fully not to steal again. j "If thou liadst asked me for meat, it 1 .would have been given thee. I pity thy poverty and thy weakness, and esteem j thy family. Thou art forgiven." j The thief was greatly rejoiced, and ! was about to depart, when the Quaker I said, | " Take the pork, neighbor." I "No, 110," said the thief, "I don't j want the pork." j "Thy necessity was so great that it led ! thee to steal. One-half of the pork thou 1 must take with thee." I The thief insisted that he could never j eat a morsel of it The thought of the crime would make it choke him. He I bogged the privilege of lettiug it alone. But the Quaker was inflexible, and fur­ nished the man with a bag, put half the I pork therein and laying it upon his back, : sent him home with it 1 He met his ueiglibor daily for several years afterward, their families visited together, but the matter was kept a secret, and though in after years the circumstance was mentioned, the name of the delinquent was nevermade known. The punishment was severe and effectual. It probablv was his first --it certainly was his fast--attempt to steal. Had the man been arranged before a court of justice and imprisoned for the petty theft, how different might have been the result His family disgraced, their peace destroyed, the man's charac­ ter ruined and his spirit broken. swallowing ; if not, the head must be -sponged with cold water .until the senses return, when salt will completely restore tlie patient from his lethargy. In a lit the feet should be placed in warm water, with mustard added, and the legs briskly rubbed, all bandages removed from the neck and a cool apartment procured if possible. In many cases of severe bleed­ ing at the lungs, and when other reme­ dies failed, Dr. Rush found that two teaspoonfuls of salt completely stayed the blood. In case of a bite from a mad dog, wash the part with brine for an hour, and then bind on some salt with a rag. In toothache, warm salt and water held to the part, renewed two or three times, will relieve it in most cases. If the gums are affected, wash the mouth with brine. If the teeth be covered with tartar, wash them twice a day with salt and water. In a Ti^ht Place* A young Fond du Lie lawyer was out calling' 011 a 'lady, when a young man and another young lady called, and the young lawyer thought it would be cun­ ning to get down behind the lounge and n«t let them know he me to be seated in barl>er's chair. Sat. Wondered. Madame tucked napkin un­ der my chin. Felt queer. Madame ap­ proached with shaving ;pot and brush. Wondered if she meant business. Found she did. No nonsense. Lathered me. Wondered. Wanted to laugh. Feared to laugh. Tried to look as if I had been shaved by women all our life. Perhaps I have. More or less. Quien sabe? Nobody in the shop seemed surprised. Being then with Romans knew I must be as the Romans and not be surorised. Tried hard not to be. But 1 was. Madame flourished the razor. Strapped it And scientifically. Whereon she shaved me. Strange experience. Who can tell what a day may bring forth? She shaved well. Firm and delicate touch. Not unpleasant. Shut my eyes. Feared to look at her in the face. Sho performed only on half my face; for the assistant had finished^ the red-legged officer, and I was turned over to him, the £wk ward gawk oJabS^, r&o grabbed me by my free-bom nose, atid scraped and pulled at me with his cigarette- smelling fingers, and cut here and cut there and scarified and mopped off blood was there, and | an<* it up, and finally led me surprise them by bobbing up serenely 1 bleeding to the washbowl to clean up i* 1 _ I _ _ 1 * 11 1 • rn. * olnii i/\a | Belles and Bachelors. ' It takes a Western belle to speak her ; mind without !Var of consequences. One of these inevitable oid bachelors* of so- 1 ciety had been visiting one of these [ young ladies, aud when he rose to go he i expressed himse'f as charmed with her ! society, and hoped to see her soon again. | "Oil, as to that, sir," sanl the belle, 1 "since you are not a marrying man, I think there is no need of your calling ! again!" So that settled the matter, i ' Society is flooded with wretched old | bachelors and seedy widowers, who mo- i nopolize the eompeny of the belles to the illness of Pre.- ident j such a degree that a young man is cast comparatively in the shade. If, as one lady declares, all widows ought to be cremated with their defunct husbands, then all old bachelors and widowers ought to be drowned--so as to be for­ ever out the way. It is true these old fellows are handy sometimes for an es­ cort--just as we take pieces of cracked china from the cupboard when there is not enough better to go round; but, if a young lady indulges in a taste for an­ tiques, and allows herself to be escorted here and there by a train of wretched old fossils, who take up her time and at­ tention, and have not the slightest idea of proposing, as the years go by she will find herself fading into a passe belle, whom the vounger men will neglect and the more youthful beauties will deride as an "old maid." from below when the time came. They came in and the first thing they ask<-d was for the young lawyer, who had told the young man lie would be - there that evening. Then they began to talk about him, discussed the size of his feet, which they claimed were large, and the size of nil lie:ul, which they asserted was child's size. He perspired and they talked about his mashing qualities, how he mashed a girl that worked, in a laun­ dry, and the opinion was expr*. s-ed that he was a regular flirt Then they talked about his family, and he tried to stuff his ears. Just then a little terrier be­ longing to the girl's brother came in the room, and somebody said "rats," and told the dog to hunt for them, and the dog went under the lounge and began to growl and shake something, and there was a sound of revelry by night. The other young man and two girls rushed out of the room, and the lawyer got up on his feet, pulling the dog up near his suspenders by the teeth, and the dog shook, and the young man yelled, and presently the girl's father came in and seeing the dog trying to hold what he supposed was a burglar, lie took an old hair cloth covered chair and was going to brain the burglar, when the young man told who he was, and the father unlocked the dog's teeth, after he had remembered the combination, and tlie young lawyer took himself in his hand and went away. He won't speak to the young people now, and it is said he will sue tlie owner of tlie dog for arrtm or alparr, or some Latin phrase. Tlie worst thing in the world is to be attacked by conversation or a dog, when you are not looking.--Peck'* Snn. Queer Bedroom Companions. A recent writer gives us an idea of the experience one may have in trying to Eet natural sleep in variously populated adia. What would seine of your read­ ers think, while lying quietly in bed be­ neath the inevitable mosquito net, if they were to see, gaz ng intently from the ceiling right above, a long, lizard or centipede, cliall. liging each other to mortal com bit;, tlie ceutip de loses his hold, drops down 011 the sheet and whips under the bed; you involun­ tarily shut your mouth quickly, and turn over on your face, won leruig j whether or not he went down your [ throat or under tlie bed; you next closely | scrutinize the horizon line of the mat- j tress, and only being gifted with the | power of seeing in one spot at the same I time, you pivot around on your knees j with a pillow upraised, ready to smash ! him the moment you see his eye peer- ing over the edge--but he comes not. ; Your attention is next called to a half- ; hundred black I ugs, which are indulg- after the slaughter. The Reason ol iwrds. Several years ago a pair of my canar ies built; while the lieu was sitting th. weather became int nscly hot. Slu drooped, and I began to fear that slit would not be strong enough to hate!: the eggs. I watched ti.e birds closely and soon found that the cock was f devoted nurse. He bathed in the f esh cold water I supplied every morning then went to (lie edge of the nest, anc the hen buried her head in his breast, and was refreshed, \yithout hands ant without a sponge, what more could h< have dole ? Thc followi: g spring tin same bird was hanging in a window with three other canaries, each in a separate cage. I was sitting in the room au<; heard my little favorite give a pecnliai cry. I looked up and saw all the birds crouching on their p?rches, para\vzed with fright. On going to the window t< ascertain the cause of their terror I saw a large baljoon pasun al <11 g over the end of the street The birds did not move till it was out of Mglit, when thev all gave a chirp of relief. The balloon was only 111 sight of the bird who gave the alarm, and I have no doubt he mis­ took it for a bird of prey. I have a green and a yellow canary hanging side by side. They are tivuted alike and are warm friends. One has ofton refused to partake of some delicacy ti'.l the other was supplied with it One day I had five blossoms of dandelion; I gave three to the green, two to the yellow one. The latter llew about his cage, singing in a shrill voi >e, and showing unmistakable signs of angel. Guessing the cause I took away one of the three flowers, when both birds settled down quietly to enjoy their feast. Reining a Horse. One of the most senseless, and yet a very common habit of the American j>eop]e, is the reiuing of driving horses so tiglit as to inflict upon them a gre.it deal <>f piin'Tiiider the mistaken idea P | that if a id < to the stylish appearance of I the animal. When peopn> f>ee a horse's ; head drawn up bv the bea>ing rein, rem 1 see linn stepping short and chum ing 1 the bit, tov!-i:.'g his head and rattling the 1 hart-ess, they n^urn" that he is acting j in the pride of his strength and fullness of spirit, whereas the animal is rt ally suffering agonies of pain, and is li vui:-- to pain by the., - movements momentaty relief. T> our view, a horse looks bet­ ter, aud we know he feels better, wli- n pursuing a natur. l, leisurely, swingi;;-.: gait. It is as nece.ssa-y for his Ilea I to «.S'.-i.;!iite in response to th;» motions 1.1 his body as it is for a mari's hands to d . the same tiling. A horse allow* d ! i- head will work easier and last longer THE foreign papers are telling some tall stories about telegraph poles in Nor­ way, but as fairy stories are popular and allowable at this season of the year, and as news concerning Norway is always scarce, perhaps they are to be excused. It is said that Norway is the home of a ing in a game of lawn-tennis 011 the ! ., than one on v. hieh a check is used. floor, when in steps a bandicoot, a rat as big as a ' 'yaller dog,,' and devours this whilom garden party. Pears. Over 1,800 years ago Plinv wrote: " All pears whatsoever are but heavy meat unless boiled or baked," and it is probable that the varieties cultivated at that early date could hardly have been anything but small in 6ize and bitter in taste. But when Pliny recorded this famous opinion he wrote for his time, and the idea is as little worthy of consid­ eration to-day as the philosopher's r?al knowledge of the truth at the present 1! iiixla are another popular absurdity in the use of horses. They collect dust, pound the eye and are in every way a nuisance. A horse that cannot be driven with safety without; them should be M>id to a railroad grader. No colt should be broken to them.--Lincoln (Neb.) Jour­ nal. POUR into your age your whole life, i it be pure and good, and be sure that you have done something--your little all. There shall be no drop of that lite wasted. Where you put it there it shall be, an atom in the slowly-rising mouu- ment ot a world redeemed to goodness. A PABTY WITHOUT A PRINCIPLE. [From th« Chicago Tribuns.] Senator McPherson, of New Jersey, a Democrat somewhat advanced in years and one who has been a Bourbon ever since he became a voter, gives up all ex­ pectation of having a Democratic issue again on which that party can success­ fully appeal to the people. In a recent interview he thus expressed his despair: " What view do you take of the future of political parties ? " " I think that there are no differences between the present parties of any con­ sequence. Unquestionably the national supremacy is the desire of' almost every voter to-day, no matter whether he is a Democrat or Republican. We ali take a filial interest in the United States of America. I don't think the Democratic party can make any points by disputing the superiority of the oentral Govern­ ment in all matters affecting the liberty of the citizens, the right of moving to and fro, equal rights as creditor and debtor," etc. McPherson then remarked that there were four open questions before the country : First, the obliteration of in­ ternal-revenue duties, and the collection of our whole revenue at the custom­ houses ; second, the elimination of the clerkships and smaller offices from spoils ; third, an opposition to transpor­ tation monopolies; fourth, a policy of generous expenditure on internal im­ provements by the States. We have no question that in this abandonment of the State-sovereignty or State-supremacy doctrine,.as opposed to national authority, Mr. McPherson expresses the real sentiments of the masses of the Democratic party, though the party platform may still contain the old legend. The Democratic party once had strong and fixed principles which it was accustomed to parade, and which really commended themselves to the people. But the party was finally over­ shadowed by slavery," and gradually all its once-honored principles were sup­ pressed or subordinated to the divine right of property in man. In fact, the Rebellion was merely an assertion of what had become the theoretic platform of the Democratic party. After the war, the Democracy were forever look­ ing backward. They in 18(54, and at every Presidential election down to 1880, made an issue in behalf of some­ thing on which the people of ti e coun­ try had already made an authoritative decision. Jnst on the eve of Lee's sur­ render the party declared that tlie war for the Union had been a failure; in 1808 it declared that the war had l>een fought in violation of the constitution, and was therefore illegal and its results should be set aside; and so on, down to 1880, when, by some sudden inspiration, the suggestion was made that tlie tariff should be for revenue only. This single trace or modest revival of an ancient policy of the party was in danger of electing tlie candidate, when the Demo­ crats of New Jersey and Pennsylvania induced the candidate to repudiate this part of the platform, aud then there was the usual general smash-up of evervthing Democratic. Well may Mr. McPtierson declare that there is not a show of po­ litical principle left to the Democratio party 011 which to frame the semblance of an issue for the future. The abandonment of the theory of State-rights as opposed to national Union may, since the Virginia election, lie regarded as final, even at the South. When Virginia, the birthplace of the resolutions of '98, has formally declared that this is a national Government, and that the States are municipal corpora­ tions oreated for public convenience in the administration of local law, and wholly subordinate to the national or general authority of the Union, what is the use of keeping up the nonsensical doctrine of State-rights in any of tlie Southern States? If Virginia has be­ come heretical, and therefore has broken the "Solid South," of what avail is it to be orthodox in the Carolinas or Georgia? If the policy of a soiid South be a failure, why should any of the broken and disunited Southern States stand any longer in the way of their own interests and do violenoe to the civiliza­ tion of mankind by their inhuman efforts to pcr|>etuate a slavery that is con­ demned bv law ? The preservation of the solid South was the last anchor that held the Democratic party, but even that has given way, and Senator McPherson may well exclaim in his despair that the party is wrecked, hopelessly and forever. Mr. McPherson finds in the future several schemes of plunder which he thinks the Democracy may well take a hand in, and at least share in the dis­ tribution of spoils which they promise. He proposes that the tax on whisky be abolished, and the one hundred and more millions of dollars of taxes now due on spirits in bond be remitted, and that forever thereafter jvhisky shall be a> free from taxes as the air we breathe! This scheme will admit a very large and generous distribution, and the election of Democrats wherever there is a con­ stituency in favor of free whisky and free tobacco. It is true that this will prove a loss of $140,000,000 of revenue to the Government annually, which loss Mr. MePnerson proposes to make good by an increased tax on the cotton and woolen clothing of men, women and children ; on their boots and shoes ; on their articles of furniture; on their carpets and cutlery; on the tools of labor ; on their wire fences, and on the luml>er, the wagons, and harness, and nails, and other iron and ste^L used in machinery and otherwise. Having released whisky and tobacco from taxation, the gentleman points out that the SI 40,000,000 of reserve thus lost must be made up by increased taxes on all the necessities of life, and that this increased revenue shall be distributed to the States, to be by them expended in internal improvements. The country has had one ex|>erience in the way of in­ ternal improvements by the States, and we do not believe the people of the United States are willing to engage in an undertaking from the cost of which fortv years of vigorous taxation has not enabled tbeni to recover. Senator McPherson's lamentation over the political bankruptcy of the Demo- cra'i'- party will hardly encounter re­ monstrance anywhere. In the off-year the States of New York, New Jersey, Penn-ylvnnia and Virginia have written their condemnation of the party which confesses itself without auv principle, and which has even lost its one element of strength, a solid South. Virginia Democracy, even, has broken down, and the once all-powerful party is now a tramp, without a home and without a name that it can call its own. as you do in the North. Then we can get capital and men to oome on and de­ velop our resources, and can make Vir­ ginia as great as she ought to be. I nave encouraged my colored neighbors to vote as free men, and not as they were directed to vote by the Federal officeholders or by their employers ; and I and thoee who act with me mean to see to it at all hazards that every citizen, be he black or white, shall enjoy this right of a free man to vote and to have his vote counted." This was the platform on which Ma- hone carried the " Old Dominion" against the opposition ol 120,000 Bour­ bon bulldozers. Xahone's Platform. Senator Mahone, of Virginia, says : " I want every man to vote, white or black, and I want him to vote as he pleases, and to be neither threatened beforehand nor ostracized afterward for expressing his free opinion. I am tired of intolerance. I want white and black, no matter of what party, to act freely in politics, and live harmoniously togetner, ILLINOIS NEWS. THK revenue derived from the tax on dogs in Peoria countv, for the currant year, will amount to §2,402. A BUILDING, loan and savings associa- tion, capital $500,000, has been organ­ ized at Bloomington. A YOITNO man named Charles Dills was drowned while attempting to ford Lick creek, near ^Laomi, Sangamon county. MR. A. H. BAILKY has purchased the William Haines farm, near Delevan, Tazewell county, of 350 acres, for SI 1,1 000, be ing nearly $47 per acre. THE Galesburg Republican-Register nominates Miss Marv Allen West, of that city, for State Superintendent of Public Instruction at next vear's elec­ tion. MR. JAMES R. LOTT and his daughter Maude, who was maimed for life by falling through a defective sidewalk at Farmer City, have sued the city for $7,000 damages. POSTMASTER BIKDTER, of Mount PN- laski,^ Logan county, was taken to Sp'Y'o'iedd atid put under bonds for his appearance to answer the charge of hy- potllecriting postage stamps at a bank in Mount Pulaski. IT is about two years since Tom Neil I suddenly departed from Peoria, leaving creditors to mourn the loss of nearly §300,1)00. He hasn't, as yet, signified his intention of either returning or making restitution. THE Joliet steel works are among the largest establishments of tlio kind in the country. They employ about 2,500 men, and manufacture 1(3,000 tons of Bessemer rails and 2,500 tons of other goods per month. The monthly pay roll amounts to $135,000. THE State "Board of Health have issued a circular recommending that railroads have their employes vaccinated, as they are very liable to catch the contagion. In another circular they urge a syste­ matic vaccination of every member of the exposed community. A RAT clung to the lip of a daughter of Mr. Ledfermau, at Pekin, and, on being frightened off by the child's parents, a dog was let into the room and a fight ensued between the two, when the rodent cnuglit the dog by the jaw, which caused him to jump out of a window, with the rat still clinging to him. A NUMBER of farmers in Wayne coun­ ty complain that the wheat is being de­ stroyed by acres. An investigation into the oause shows that at the roots of each dying stalk there i'. a small white worm about three- fourths of an iucli in length. It destroys the plant entirely. A great deal of wheat is being BOWU over again. A TAZEWELIJ county farmer drew £400 at a bank in Peoria, and carelessly but­ toned his overeoat upon the package, thinking he had placed it in an inside pocket. On his way home, horseback, the money was dropped on the road anil picked up by p&ties riding behind. It has since been recovered, after some strategic work to convince the finders that t'.iey must give it up. THE trial of Belle Spaulding, at Gales­ burg, for the murder of Mart O'Connor, after dragging its slow length along for three years, was lately brought to a close ! by the acquittal of the prisoner, the jury 1 returning a verdict of justifiable homi- I cide. Immediately after the acquittal of the prisoner the jury were iuvited to her ho:iso, where an oyster supper had been prepared in a style in keeping with the great victory Miss Spaulding had ob­ tained. Eight of the jurymen accepted the invitation with alacrity, while four of them declined, and thereby showed their good sense. NEW Illinois patents: C. L. Ames, Chicago, folding cot; E. M. Crandall, Chicago, fence-wire stretcher, reissue; William Doepp, Homewood, tooth-pow­ der : J. R. Douglass, Batchtown, panta­ loons; D. H. Fitch, Tuscola, telephone; H. Gerred Chester, grain-meter ; M. M. Hally, Chicago, manufacture of boots and shoes; C. A. Haskins, Chicago, cigar and pipe lighter ; D. Ilepp, Chi­ cago, barbed fence; C. B. Payne, Clin­ ton, check-hook; T. T. Prosser, Chicago, woven-wiro mattress; C. E. Ramus, Chicago, bedstead-frame; G. B. Salader. Freeport, carriage-spring; J. B. Shaw and H. F. Humphrey, Chi­ cago, metallic lock-clip for joining wires; I. Shoudy and J. Licher, Paw Paw, railway-jack ; R. Thomas, Carbon- dale, coke-furnace; A. H. Wagner, Chi­ cago, direct acting engine ; D. G. Wells, Joliet, machine for barbing wire ; Will­ iam Woerle, Chicago, automatic-pressure relief apparatus. CHICAGO Tribune: Mr. Coburn, the Illinois farmer who came to this city a few days ago, was assaulted by a party of highwaymen, and was so fortunate as to shoot one of them instead of being himself killed, must regard Chioago as a rather curious place. One of the three ruffians who assaulted Mr. Coburn was arrested by the police. He is a wholly irresponsible person, but under the beautiful workings of the law it would be possible for him to secure a release from confinement by furnishing a small amount of bail. Mr. Coburn, who did he community such good service when ho lired at and hit one of the men who assaulted him for the purpose of taking his money, even at the expense of his life, lound himself very dilierently situ­ ated after the fracas was over. Bail to the amount of $10,000 was demanded by the Justice before whom he was brought, and had it not been that he was a man oi property, and also possessed friends who were in good ctrcuinstances, he would still have been a prisoner, sepa­ rated from his wife and family, ai.d compelled to associate with thieves and murderers until such time as the worth­ less tliug and would-be murderer, whom he shot in defense of his own life, should recover sufficiently to appear in court. The law is doubtless a very beautiful thing in theory, but its practical appli­ cation oftentimes results in punishing severely the one whom it should protect, while the transgress r on its domain is treated with respect and consideration. M. PASTEUR has resolved to extend his studies in vaccination to yellow fever, with a view of determining whether 01 not the disease is due to parasites and can be guarded against by inoculation. Great as the result of Pasteur's labor? thus far have been, he seems to be a*< yet merely standing upon the threshold of useful disoovery. PITH MSB POINT, A BOABTOHO-HOT78S keepar's t̂ree--'asM BmiLs were first made in theoooper •ge. A BOO and lvin' oatehes the biggest fish of the season. " DARIJNO, this potato is only half done." " Then eat the other half, love." PEOPLE talk of a visit to tlie salt sea for the purpose of getting a little fresh air. WHEN the river rises one foot what becomes of the other ? It remains of course. WHEN the Arab has stolen everything else in sight he quietly folds l»i« tent and steals away. WHEN a man threatens to gireyoa a piece of his mind he wishes to destroy the peace of yours. WHEN a young man is alone with his best girl he is generally supposed to be "holding his own." BY a mother-in-law--"You can de­ ceive your guileless little wife, young man, but her father's wife--never!" THK author of the "Little Brown Jug" was probably in a jugular vein, when he wrote that sometime popular ditty. A BRIDGE over a stream in Missouri bears this legend : " Drive over as fast as you want to, and be durned ! " Every­ body, therefore, drives at a walk. A TEXAS young man shot himself be­ cause a young lady refused to dance with him. In his blind rage he probably mistook himself for a rival. THE "utterly utter" kind of talk has infected the street gamins, one of whom, after picking up a more that usually fragrant cigar-stump, exclaimed to his friend: "Jack, this is quite too posi­ tively bully." " TOMMY," said a mother to her 7-year- old boy, " you must not interrupt me when I am talking with ladies. lou must wait until we stop, and then you can talk." "But you never stop," re­ torted the boy. PRIDE'S fall: " Yes," said Clara, " your Maltese cat is pretty enough, but he can never come up to my bird." That was all she knew about it. That kitty did come up to her bird that very day, and it was all day with the bird. "FATHER, did you ever have another wife beside mother ? " " No, my boy; what possessed you to ask such a ques­ tion ? " " Because I saw in the old fam­ ily Bible where you married Anno Domini in 1835, and that isn't mother, for her name was Sally Smith." A CAMBRIDGE youth wrote the follow- ing in a youug lady's autograph album : " In the chain of friendship regard me as a missing link ;" and after signing liia name he added underneath by way of postscript: "But do not mi^takA for Darwin's missing one! " " LAY off your overcoat or you won't feel it when you go out," said the land­ lord of a Western inn to a guest who was sitting by the fire. " That's what I'm afraid of," returned tho man. Tlitf last time I was here I laid off my overcoat. I didn't feel it when I went out, and I haven't felt it since." " CHARLIE, have you got a hooked nos^?" " Yes, darling," answered Charlie, smiling, "I'm afraid it is a lit­ tle liable to that criticism." "Well, I never should have noticed it," she added, indignantly, " if that horrid Spriggs gin across the way hadn't told me to aakyou if you wouldn't like to sell it for a sy­ phon." WHEN little Minnie was 2 years old she asked for some water one night. When it was brought she said, " Papa, can't you get me some fresh water? This tastes a little withered." Her little sister Belle had been acustomed to a light in the rooti, and waked in great distress, crying, " Me can't see, Aunt Bessie; my eyes are all blowed out." AT a juvenile party a young gentle­ man about 7 years old kept himself from the rest of the company. The lady of the house called to him: "Come and play aud dance, my dear. Choose one of those pretty girls for your wife." "Not much 1" cried tho youug cynic. " No wife for me ! Do you think I want to be worried out of my "life, like papa?" HE read in a newspaper paragraph the statement that " The child is father to the man," and straightway went and asked his mother if that was true? "Ye* my son, she answered, "it may seem a little strange to you, but it's true.** " Well, mamma," responded the inquis­ itive youth, " why is it if I'm papa's father that he always licks me and I never liek him ? " THE minister's man of a oertain preacher followed him up one day to close the pulpit door as usual. There was something wrong with the lock, and the door would not "sneck." John, losing his patienoe, said, " I think the devil's in the pulpit.' Just at this m<v ment the minister lifted his bowed head, and, turning seriously on him, said, " Surely, ye dinna mean me, John ? " What Ingenuity Poet. •very one has heard, I suppose, of Evans, the American dentist, who car­ ries flie city of Paris in his coat pocket. He was the Emperor's protege, and he has given European royalty more pain, for cash, than any man in the world. He operates in a dress suit, drives su­ perb horses, and lives in a wonderful mansion that was given to him by Na­ poleon III. Well, there is his like in New York just now. I was riding through the Park the other forenoon, aud my at­ tention was called to a big, handsome man sitting with self-possession which did him credit in one of those most atro­ cious vehicles, a dog-cart. " That," said my companion, "is Richmond, the new dentist." " Who is he ?"' I naturally inquired. " He came here from California sogie two or three years ago, with some con­ trivance for putting artificial teeth upon natural roots, so that nothing could re­ move them without hauling out the whole tooth. It is called the Richmond crown setting, I believe. The craok dentists of the citv went wild over it, but he had patented the whole thing, and had them where they eouldn t move. He crjne here with" only a little money and no practice. Now he employs seven skilled workmen, has offices that are simpty palatial, and is enabled to support the stvle you saw just now. He is, in a word, a seusatiou, aud will make §100,000 in a year. That shows what a little ingeau- itv will do for a man." 'it did. But too much ingenuity isn't always as successful. Wheu I was a lad, I knew an old fellow that was always in­ venting something. His last and great­ est work in this line was the concoction of a wonderful explosive substance. He completed his work, and demonstrated its power one afternoon, when I sat on the wall that separated our yard from his orchard, viewing his apple trees with speculation in my eyes, i saw one sec­ tion of his house rise a few yards in the air, and come down with a crash. I also saw where enough of him fell to hold an inquest on--and I have never invented so much as a clothes-pin.--Philadelphia Pre*».