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,1 " .« iipp T^«* n«| :• f *-• ;, <-^v, " "Vf •/. . ^,,h: ^PV!PSiW U fSlaindralrt I. VAN SLYKE, Editor M<t Publisher. MC HENRY, ILLINOia A HAWKIMSTOIB (Qa.) lawyer has in his hands a mortgage on a set of teeth belonging to a lady in Dooley county. Miss VANDEBBELT'S wedding dress had a train 178 inches--nearly Hi teen feet-- long. Now if Jay Gould had a daughter to marry off, what a train we would see. ! and well-developed, while those on the ' right side are but s ightly developed. These measurements we taken with an instrument made especially for that pur­ pose, and indicate the distance from ear to organ or faculty measured. The fol­ lowing are the results the measure- ments given in inches.: Individuality, 5, eventuality -5$, comparison 5f, human nature 5f, benevolence 6, veneration 6J, firmness 6j, self-esteem 6J, coneentra- tiveness 6, inhabitiveness 5j, philopro- genitiveness, 5£, amativeness 4|, de- structiveness 61, secretiveness 6J, cau- A RECENT judicial decision in England recognizing all persons holding a room in a house and holding a latch-key as being, under the terms of the last ex­ tension of the franchise in towns act, entitled to a vote, will add tens of thous­ ands to the English voting lists. MIK SKTH GRKEN announces that any one sending 50 cents to his address, Rochester, N. Y., will receive from 300 to 500 eggs of . the Cali­ fornia mountain trout for experiment in fish-cult tire. This species is very hardy and easily raised in comparison with the Eastern brook trout. THE members of the Protestant Epis­ copal church in the United States dur­ ing the pist year gave $7,311,784 for its support, an increase of $298,032 over their gifts of last year. It has sixty- five Bishops, 3,401 clergymen and 3,035 parishes, and 314,580 communicants, an average of one clergyman to each 102 communicants. The baptisms during the year have shown a decrease of 3,000. IT is reported that Queen Victoria wants to marry her daughter Beatrice to President Arthur. No doubt it would be a good match, so far as looks are con­ cerned, for Beatrice is said to be uncom­ monly handsome; but if President Arthur wants to marry, there are plenty of American girls quite as good looking and quite as capable of makmg him a good wife, even if their mothers never wore a crown. A STORY is told of Jay Gould's drop­ ping into a strange restaurant for lunch and not finding himself in possession of enough ready cash to pay for it--great­ ly, of course, to his surprise and cha­ grin. He fiually attempted to find re­ lief from his embarrassing position by telling the proprietor his name; but that individual considered this "too thin," and threatened him with arrest for false pretenses. He was finally about to show a check drawn to his or­ der for a million, more or less, when a gentleman came in who knew him and 1: j u: itnocu iiitu iivj lending him $5. POPULAR SCIENCE. ORDINARY combustible substanoeamay be set on fire by nitric acid. OUR earth is moving through space with a velocity of nine miles a second. THE temperature of the blood depends on the rapidity with which it is oxidized. COAGULATION Berves in nature the purpose of stopping wounds. Salt pie- vents it. THE edible swallow's nest is made from a secretion from the glands ol a kind of swift. DEFECTIVE color vision is chiefly man­ ifested in the inability to see the differ- tiousness 5$, alimentiveness 5f, combat- j enc® between blue and green. iveness 4J, vitalitiveness 5|, approba- , Glucose is used for manufacturing Hvonea. yery large. Size of head' 23; ,<x>d for inches (measuring just above the ear). A CORRESPONDENT writing from New York says : The figures from the Van- ; derbilt railroads for the past year will bear turning over a moment. The main stem from New York to Buffalo took nearly $7,000,000 for carrying passen­ gers for the year ending Sej-t 30. At 2 cents a mile, which is the limit that can be charged on this road, that repre­ sents a great population hauled. It showed an increase in money of about $350,000 from passengers over the pre­ vious year. The road earned from freights nearly $21,000,000, a loss of nearly $1,500,000. The total earnings of this property for the ye ur are nearly $33,000,000, and it has been sometimes said, though I think extravagantly, that $30,000,000 would build the New York Central railroad, the right of way into cities, depot sites, etc., omitted. I have no doubt the Central railroad could be sold for $60,000,000, or double the year's business. The net profits of the road were under $8,000,000, instead of $10,- 500,000 as the year before, showing that the road is worth $60,000,000 and ubout ficial honey and in brewing, WHEN warm air is forced through a hot mixture of turpentine and water a disinfecting substance is produced. IN CASES of * arsenic poisoning the phosphorus which exists as phosphorio acid m the brain is replaced by arsenic. A SOLUTION of smelling salts in water, with a slight proportion of other saline matters, contains all -the elementary bodies which enter into the composition of protoplasm. THIN disks of very different sub­ stances emit sounds when exposed to the action of a rapidly interrupted beam of sunlight, proving sonorousness to be a property of matter. GERMAN scientists are making a study of the relative distribution of blondes and brunettes, in aid of their investiga­ tions of the origin of the German people. THE antennae of insects, besides being organs of touch, seem to be organs of smell. Flies, deprived of their antennce cease to display interest in tainted meat. THE arguments of Malthus in regard to the relation between food supply and increase of population are said to apply to fish. They increase more rapidly than their food. AMMONIA is to be found everywhere. By suspending a piece of glass, and after a while washing its outer surface by means of a spray bottle, the pressure of ammonia may be ascertained. A good climber can ascend only 9,000 feet in nine hours ; that is, raise his , IS 9 f THE discovery of the fossil remains of two monstrous sea serpents in a New Jersey marl pit is very gratifying to the far-sighted people who have seen these creatures alive and been laughed at by i* • iMfPlireleftulousacquaintances. It may be that some of the descendants of these huge serpents are still cruising about . fashionable watering places and showing themselves to people who are fond of spin­ ning yarns, but it is more probable that the specimens found belong to some ex­ tinct species, and are only relics of the antediluvian age. DR. VINCENT RICHARDS, of Calcutta, a well-known authority on Indian poi­ sonous snakes, has commenced a series 9 of experiments to test the efficacy in co­ bra poisoning of Dr. Lacerda's plan of injecting permanganate of potash. He + states that the experiments, although not absolutely conclusive, have yet, so far as they have gone, led to much more hopeful results than any previously in- \ stituted, and believes that the ground for hoping for a practical remedy has at last been found. Thousands of the na­ tives of India, who go bare-legged in the fields and meadows, lose their lives an­ nually from snake bites. 14 per cent, iu spite-ef the railroad war. ANOTHER arithmetic prodigy haa turned j own. ^eifi>ht 1,000 ieet an hour. The ... , Tk „r x work done by the heart is equivalent to up in the Old Dominion. We quote j itg ̂ weight 13>860 feet in the from the Luray (Va.) Courier .• A man j game time. by the name of Price, near Alma, who is- j THE archaeopteryx, the famous fossil, almost blind, and who is wholly unedu­ cated and not at all sprightly in other respects, is said to be able to solve al­ most any problem in mathematics that can be givefi him. He uses no figures* but makes his calculations on his fin­ gers. Mr Hampton, who is teaching in that neighborhood, gave him the follow­ ing problem, which he solved quicker than a good scholar present could do by algebra ; A man bought a horse, buggy and harness. The horse cost $48 more than the buggy, the buggy two and three-fourths times as much as the harness, and the harness one- seventh of the whole sum paid. Whllt WJ1S the whole oUm pulu what did each' cost ? Ho had no difficulty in working fractions, however complicated and intricate. Mr. James P. Graves informed us that he once asked him what was the third and the half of one- third of three and one-third, and he was with the answer almost ias soon aa he had finished the question. He is aboilt 23 years old. WHEN they shall have made the long and wearisome journey from the Sibe­ rian river where they have landed, the survivors of the Jeannette will be warm­ ly welcomed home. That journey may not be the most perilous part of their trip, but it will be one of great length and of but slightly mitigated fatigue. Two routes are open to them. One a six weeks' sledge journey up the river to Irkutsk. Thence in another six weeks they may reach 8t. Petersburg, or they may strike for China. It is a matter for rejoicing that they have been spared; j as reptile-like bird, was about the size of a ! ! pigeon, and had a tail as long as its ; body, supported by numerous vertebrae, j i a pair of feathers corresponding to each j ; vertebrae. j | THE following is useful in removing I i ink stains or bleaching wood .: Oxalic ' | acid dissolved in warm water, and ap- j j plied to the parts stained, will remove ! • stain, or bleech wood that is too dark to i ; match any other part. j | Two of the old-world reptiles have re-. ! cently been discovered at Stuttgart. ; Simo-aurus is the name given them, and I they form an important link in the chain j , of evolution, being land animals in pro- | ! cess of adaptation to the water. > | " The Man With the Iron Mask." I The identitv of " The Iron Mask." or 5 " The Man With the Iron Mask," has I never been satisfactorily established, j About the year 1679 he was carried with the utmost secrecy to the Castle of Pig- j nerol, and wore during the journey a j black mask, which was not of iron, but | of black velvet, strengthened with wliale- ; bone, and secured behind with steel springs, or by means oi k lock, as tome ! nay. The orders were that if he re- I vealed himself he was to be killed. He I was couveyed in 1686 to the Isle of Sainte j Margurite, and during the passage the I strictest watch was kept, that he might not allow himself to be discovered. The unknown prisoner was in 1698 trans­ ferred to the Bastile, and was, as before, hidden behind the mask. In that prison the captive remained until his death, in 1703. On November 20, the day after his death, he was buried in the cemetery of St. Paul, under the name of Machioti. The unknown was treated with the utmost respect, but so closely was he watched that he was not permitted to take off his mask, even in the presence of the physician who attended him. Many conjectures have been hazarded to who "The Man With the Iron strangle her on the spot, and, strong in the justice of my cause, go before a jury of twelve married men and true." " Bless you, my children," said the father, placing his daughter's hand in that of the speaker ; " bless you, my children. Jean, take a hack and bring the nearest clergyman. You shall live with us for the present, mj dears." Remarks oa Ike Etiquette of Oyster Parlors. Always go to some saltan where you have never been before, because if you have been there before, the proprietor might require you to pfiy in advance, and that would be very unpleasant. When you go in, fix your eye on the farthest table, and lead your girl around all the other tables to get there; if you cross the room three or four times in do­ ing so, so much the .better. It will give a chance to display her new opera cloak. , Stumble over everybody's feet on the way, and make them apologize for being in you road. The girl will tliit.k you in­ dependent if you aren't clumsy. Always call the waiter (Jeorge. Your girl will think you are faniiliar with the place, and don't care for expenses. Always tell the waiter in giving your order, that you will take half a dozen raw for yourself and tl^res dozen fried for the lady. Of courseMie will coun­ termand the order, but it will give the waiter an idea that you area find humor­ ist. • While you are waiting for your order to be filled, you may pass the time by feeling all over the marble top table, to see whether it is sticky; also examine your plate very carefully ; fiat will show her that you are very faitidious, and moreover it will give her great confi­ dence in the cleanliness of the place. While waiting, you may get impatient, and quote from Genesis: "I wonder if they are making those oyiters." This will always cause side-splilting laughter on her part. When your oysters arrive, smell tnem very cautiously to see how many weeks they have been on ice ; and then excuse your rudeness by telling her you thought you had found a pearl. Oysters must be eaten like peas, with a knife; it makes you slow about eating them, and slowness' in eating promotes digestion. I- She will consider it very amusing if ybu try to season her oysters for her, es­ pecially if the top of the bfix comes off. As a sort of side remark, we may say, G£MS OF TH^UGFFF. THE history year f^ftune b written first in your life, \ IT takes a bold man twoll his own idea into the world. THERE is as much policy in politeness as there is in honesty. THE greatest truths are the simplest; so are the greatest men. v IF YOU have no enemies, it IB a siga, that fo.tuue has iorgotten yon. < BEAUTY is the first present nature gives tb women, and the first it takes away. A PERSON often haa to talk for his virture but his vices speak for them­ selves. MANY a man's vices have been at first nothing worse than good qualities, run wild.--Hare. COMPLAISANCE renders a superior amiable, an equal agreeable and an in­ ferior acceptable. ^ THE two great movers of the human mind are tliedesire of good and the fear of evil.--John ton. IT IS better to have a lion at the head of an army of lheep ttyan a sheep at the head of an army of lions.--De Foe. FANCY is imagination in her youth and adolesecence. Fancy is always excur- ; sive ; imagination, not seldom, is Bedate. I THERE are moments when petty slights j are harder to bear than a serious injury. | Men have died of the festering of a gnat bite. WE FIND ourselves less witty in J remt mbering what we have said than in dreaming of what we might have said. --J. Pcttf, YOU would be pungent be brief, for it is With words as with sunbeams, the more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.--Saxe. * LKT US road the book of others lives, With their pages sorrow strewn; II will show us how our brother strives Aud content ua with our own. "* --Tsimpttm. I FEEL that I am growing old for want of somebody to tell me that I am looking young as ever. Charming falsehood ! There is a vast deal of vital air in loving words. ' No ONR is so accursed by fate, No one so utterly desolate. But some heart though unknown Responds to its own. Responds-as if with unseen wings, A breath from heaven had touched its sting*; And whispers, in its song, " Where hast thou stayed so long 1" --iongfrftow. THE worst ingratitude lies not in the their names. Soon it will learn to traoe them without aid. When I take my little niece in mj lap, I have her under entire control, and can secure the concentration of her mind on her book much more easily than when she stands or sits beside me. In the latter case her body goes through constant writhings and contortions, no doubt caused by the activity of her brain. With the first evidence of mental fatigue on her part, I lay aside the book and send her to her play. She reads t|ie same page over day after day till every word is familiar tip her, and till she has lenrned the page by heart. These worda lorn* a kind of stock in trade for her, and she is delighted when she takes the next page to find words on it already known to her. The Female Burglar. Every day we see that some new avenue has been opened to woman by which they may obtain a livelihood, and all of us who love women, and most men do, are glad of it, though we may be op­ posed to female suffrage. For there is such a thing as earring it too far, and allowiug women to engage in branches of business for which they are not fitted. We see by the papers that a woman has been arrested as a burglar. To think of women going about nights with a jimmy and a dark lantern, open­ ing doors and windows, and sneaking about rooms, is degrading. If a male burglar gets into your house, and he is ILLET0I8 SEW* _ THE Streator bottle factory is not do* ing as well as anticipated. i THEM are four men now living iu Jer- seyville who were there forty-five veara ago. No LAND can be bought within a radius of five miles of Mat toon at lesi toau $15 per acre. ALTON has a sensation in the shape of an alleged ghost that haunts a neighbor­ ing cemetery. MATTOON has voted to have water-sup­ ply from an underground river discov­ ered while boring for coal. ACCORDING to the Assessor's returns the number of dogs in Sangamon county is 4,246. Jjast year there were 5,056. The loss is 810 dogs. THE Illinois State Temperance Alli­ ance has issued a call for'a three-days' convention of the temperance workers of the State at Springfield, Jan. 17, THE shops of the Wabash railroad, at Peoria, do the repairs for 110 locomo­ tives, that run on 800 miles of road. There are some 375 men on the pay-roll? A SUMMARY of real-e t ate sales in Chi­ cago and immediate viciaity shows aa increase in 1881 over 1880 of over $10,- 000,000 ; over 1879 of over $20,000,000, and over 1878 of over $28,000,000. THE unprecedented high water in the Illinois river and lakes, and the almost imp<useable muddy roads, caused a de-. pression in the sales of holiday goods to discovered, you can shoot him, if you I ft R™W JTT « get the drop pn him, or luck hiii down i ^er llS'SS the top of the pepper box will always ossified heart of him who commits it, fall off unless it is tied on with a rope. Explain to her that the -hard part of the oyster is its eye, and that you are particularly fond ot eyes as an article of diet. She will relish the lunch all the more. When you leave, slip an oyster in your pocket, and place it in her hand when leaving her at the gate. This is quite a new trick ; it will create an undoubt­ edly good impression of you.--Evana- ville Argus. but we find it in the effect it produces on him against whom it was committed. As water containing stony particles incrasts with them the ferns and mosses it drops on, so the human breasts hardens under ingratitude, in proportion to its openess and softness and its aptitude to receive impressions. Origin of Familiar Proverbs. "Two heads are better than one," waa originated by Fremont Cooper, while heading a barrel in his humble cooper- S^°P* , , „ „ . ! eyes in whose clear depth the love light " All s well that ends swell.' said i ;,„;r ;,lsj with t-ilver, lying smooth upon her fadei] The Old-Fashioned Mother. Thank God some of us have had an old-fashioned mother. Not a woman of the period, enameled and painted, with her great chignon, her curls and bustle, whose white jeweled hands never felt the clasp of baby fingers; but a dear, old- fashioned, sweet voiced mother, with stairs, but who wants to shoot a female burglar, or kick her over the bannisters? You would almost rather let her go ahead and burgle, and go away with your roll of money, than to shoot her. Beside, you could not hit her with a bullet from an ordinary pistol iu a vital part. The heart and other vital organs are covered with bullet-proof corsets, liver and lung pads, porus plasters, eta You take a corset and tie it around a sack of flour, and try to fire a bullet through it, and you will find that the bullet will fall to the ground.*^ A liver pad is as good as boiler iron to protect the form, so you see there is no place to shoot a female burglar, except in the head, and no gentleman would want to shoot a beautiful woman in the face, and with a long dress on, he might as well shut his eyes and shoot at a hop yard, and expect to hit a pole, as to expect to hit a leg. Then, again, the natural gallantry of a man would prevent his making much Of a fuss if lie found a female burgler in the house. If the average man, and most men are average men, should wake up in the night and see a woman burglar feeling in his pants, rifling the pockets, or rummaging the drawers of the bureau, he would lay still and let her burgle as long as she would keep still and not wake up his wife. Were it a male burglar, he would jump up, regardless of his nocturnal costume, and tell him to get out of there, but he would hesitate to get up before a female burglar and ask her to make herself scarce, on the ground that she was too plenty. He would not feel like accosting the female burglai without an introduction. If be spoke to her familiarl}', she would be justified hoin<v A FARMER near Bloomington gave hip dog to a friend living in a distaat corner of Indiana. The floosier took the dog; home with him. Seventeen dajs from the day the dog reached Indiana he waa back at the old familiar kitchen door. HASKELL k HARRIS, private banketa at Hillsboro, have closed their doors and made an assignment to oover liabilities of §100,000. W. A. Young, a partner, was arrested at Litchfield whde on a trat|t and taken back. William Brewer, ot Hillsboro, had §25,000 on deposit. THE Cincinnati and St. Louis Air- Line Railroad Company was incorporated at Springfield. • The proposed route is from East St. Louis to the Wabash river at or near Palestine. The Mattoon and Northeru railroad, from Mattoon to some point on the Illinois Midland rail­ road, has been also incorporate*!. IN regard to the protect of the Illino|| Central Directors against the arbitrary freight tariff put forth by the Riilroaa Commissioners, President Ackermufe claims that the charter gives the Direct* ors of the road the right to fix rates, arid the charges have l>een so light that the average dividend has been less than 5 per cent. MIDWAY between Peoria and Pekin a lonely tombstone marks the resting- place of a mired wagon. The wagon belongs to a citizen of Peoria, who rash­ ly undertook to haul a tombstone we igh- mg 5,600 pounds to Pekin. On pro­ ceeding as far as he could, the wagon stuck fast iu the mud and had to be abandoned. Illinois CharlthMk „1 .--<• - f 11-* " 'ILi t tUO UbitbC UimLU but, notwithstanding all the expendi­ ture of energy and money, all their AWNT TAMAH BROOKS, who lives near Atlanta, Ga., is possibly the oldest ne- gress, if not the oldest person, in Ameri­ ca, having reached the remarkable age of 123 years. She was born in Roanoke county, Virginia, in 1758, as is shown in the Bible record of the family of Thomas Yancey. Aunt Tamah is remarkable for her strength of memory, remembers the three great wars of Amerioa, and tells many interesting incidents concerning them. She was in Virginia when the Revolutionary war broke out, and recol­ lects distinctly the starting out of our forefathers to fight for the liberty of our country. She is very active and energetic considering her extreme age. Mask" could have been, the one generally received at the present day by those who . have carefully investigated the subject trials and adventures, they return with- ; being the following: It is conjectured out adding an iota to the geographical "" " ' " ^A ~ knowledge of the north seas. The north pole is still wrapped in impenetrable ice, and continues to be as much of a mys­ tery as at any time since the active navi­ gation of the north commenced. It seems to be high time to quit an enter­ prise which, promising nothing but a barren discovery, costB so greatly in men and money and ships. The cost of the Jeannette cruise fell not alone upon the projector, Mr. Bennett. The whole people shared in the expense of the search expedition directed to be made by Congress. There will always be found adventurous souls ready to dare a polar voyage and hope for the discov­ ery which set ms to be denied to man ; but the gratification of their wish for fame and adventure, always barren of substantial results, is too costly for long continuance. A cow was killed at Franktown, Nev., recently who was not only full of honors and of years, but whose stomach con­ tained a large quantity of nails, bits of glass, bones, a piece of gold, and various j thonties of bis district, meeting in coun- other rare and costly articles. She re-1 cil, ijecide to pay the cost of deporting Siberian Exiles. A large proportion of the persons who are in Russia sent to Siberia belong to the class whom not a few New York tax­ payers would be delighted if they could similarly dispose of. If a man is idle, a drunkard, or a nuis­ ance in any way to a community, the au- r sembled a junk-shop which had been es tablished after years of accumulation in a cowhide tent The articles were all worn smooth by friction with the heavy consignments of hay which the beast was constantly receiving. Notwith­ standing the handling of the bric-a-brac above-mentioned, her teeth were per­ fectly sound, as she had never been ad­ dicted to the use of tobacco in any form. The indications are, however, that she had been boarding at the back door of a drug-store or a saloon, where some fs- eetious wag probably rung jn an occas­ ional bottle or case of hardware on the unwary beast. CLARK MILLS, who took a cast from Gniteau's head, has made accurate meas­ urements for the purpose of determining the phrenological characteristics of the head. Mills said it is one of the most curiously-formed heads that ever came under his notice. The faculties on the left side of the head appear to be normal him to Siberia, not as a prisoner, but as a colonist; for one of the objects of the Russian Government is to develop the resources of that vast and thinly popu­ lated land. The numbers sent have av­ eraged, of late years, from 17,000 to 20,000. A trustworthy authority says that the number of political prisoners sent to Siberia is enormously exaggerated. As a rule, the work imposed on those in the mines is by no means severe. The prisoners no longer go to their destination all the way on foot. From (Moscow, where they assemble, they go by rail to Nijni Novgorod, and then by water to Perm; thenoe by rail again to Ekaiernburg, whence conveyances take them to Tiumen. The remainder of the journey is by water or on foot. Prisoners are divided into classes. The first are treated as felons; the second only partially lose their civil rights, do not always undergo imprisonment, and in any case only for a period, at the ex­ piration of which they become colonists. --New York Sun. WHEN pained by an unkind word or act, ask yourself, " Have I not dona aa badlyr that he was the Count Matthioli. a Min isterof Charles III., Duke of Mantua. 1 This Minister had been largely bribed bv Louis XIV., and had pledged himself to urge the Duke, to give up to the French the fortress of Casale, which gave access to the whoie of Lombardy. | Louis found that Matthioli was playing ! him false, and lured him to the French I frontier, and then had him seoretly ar- j rested and imprisoned. As he was Min­ ister Plenipotentiary at the time, his seizure was a flagrant violation of interna- j tional law, which it was safer to be able to deny than justify, and when the de­ nial was made once, th<| " honor" ol! France was involved in upholding it. j How Chinamen ObtAin Their Spouses. ' A Chinaman, when anxious to have a wife of his own nation, sends a letter to an agent in Hong Kong. A reporter has one of these letters, but it is practically impossible to translate it into English. I The following, however, is a condensed^ I translation: "I want a wife. She must j be a maiden under 20 years of age, and | must not have left her father's house. ! She must also have never read a book, i and her eye-lashes must be half an inch i in length. Her teeth must be as spark- : ling as the pearls of Ceylon. Her breath j must be lise unto the scents of the mag- j nificent odorous groves of Java, and her | attire must be from the silken weavers ! of Ka-Li-Ching, which are on the banks I of the greatest river in the world--the j ever-flowing Yang-tse^Kiang." The price i of a Chinese woman, delivered in Sydney, by Bums, wheu he put a poultice on s lump raised by a hot branding-iron, used in the gauger business. " Faint tart ne'er won fair lady," wae written by Crabbe when he sent a sour apple-pie to his mdther-in-law. " Devil take the hindmost," was proba­ bly written by Pope. 5> *" Be sure you are ruii ; -hen go on head," was the remark%wllood. " Great cry and little wLlI,' is original with Bacon. \ "He jests at scars that*never felt a wound," Shakspere. " Man wants but little h^re below, noi Wants that little long," Fellow. " Too many cooks s^viil the- broth," shows that it must be Browning. "The milk in the cocoanut" is evi­ dently from the pen of Cow per. " Whistling girls and crowing hens" sounds like He mans. " Don't get your back up at trifles" are the words of Campbell. "Smooth words butter no parsnips" is the remark of Carl i^le. " A soft answer turneth away wrath," shows how much Wordsworth. " Enough is as good as a feast," sounds as though the author didu't want Hannah More. " The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat," is evidently Lamb. " As close as an oyster," sounds Shel­ ley. "A thorn in the hand is worse than two in the bush," is from Hawthorne. "Save at tho spigot and waste at the bung-hole," is from Fawcett. " Not so black as he's painted," sound! like Dickens. " Mightier than the sword," were the words of William Penn. " The horse leach hath two daughters, crying, ' Give, give.'" That is, " Moore, More." " He doesn't know enough to go in when it rains," must be the sentiment oi a man who loved Dryden. There are several others that will readily occur to the reader; and when you do happen to think of them, dear reader, keep them to yourself. Don't print them. There is enough of this sort of nonsense JIOW. We wouldn t have made the fore-goi^g public but for the reason that we couldn't think of any thing worse.--Burlington Hawkeye. cheek. Those dear hands, worn with toil, gently guided our tottering steps in childhood, and smoothed our pillow in sickness, ever reaching out to us in yearning tenderness. Blessed is the memory of an old-fasbioned mother. U floate to ua now, like the beautiful per­ fume from some wooded Uouwm The music of other voices may be lost, but the entrancing memory of her will echc in our souls forever. Other faces may fade away, and be forgotten, but hers will shine on. When in the fitful pauses of busy life our feet wander back to the old homestead, and, crossing the well- worn threshold, stand onCe more in the room, so hallowed by her presence, how the feeling of childhood innocence and dependence comes over us, and we kneel down in the molten sunshine, streaming through the open window--just where long years ago we knelt by our mother's 'knee, lisping "Our Father." How many times, when the temper lured us on, has the memory of those sacred hours, that mother's words, her faith and prayers, saved us from plundering into the deep abyss of sin. Years have filled great drifts between her and us, but they have not hidden from our sight the glory of her pure, unselfish love. upon him, and say she was insulted. It places a man of gallantry in a very em­ barrassing situation to have a fen^ale of Charities contains some interesting figures as to the financial record of the ten institutions controlled by this board. Concerning Anthors. There is an abnndanfee of writers foi the press, and to illustrate this fact, 1 may say that the editor of Harper'« Magazine has already a sufficient num­ ber of accepted articles on hand to serve for two years. Hence iliould he not re­ ceive a single fresh contribution his sup­ ply would last till 1884. The rejected matter, often of interest and real value, which is daily declined by magazines, newspapers, and booksellers, would fill a good-sized wagon. Bonner, of the __ _ Ledger, has for some years left orders is £38, but two Chinese women only cost ' with his clerks to allow no contribution '£52 therefore the heathen Chinese im- j to be left for examination. He has his port the women in couples. The porter never sees his women before they arrive, and then he generally selects the best looking one. The other is shown around to a number of well-to-do Chi­ nese, and after they have inspected her she is submitted to what may be called public auction. The writer happened | that to be present at one of these sales. A young girl, aged about 19, was offered, and alter some spirited bidding she was purchased by a wealthy Chinese store­ keeper, whose place of business is in one of the leading tbwns of New South Wales, for £120. The melancholy aspect of the celestial girl aa she went away in com­ pany with the man who purchased her was deplorable to the last degree.-- Exchange. regular list of writers, who till up the space allotted to them, and thus the pam­ per is made up without any new con­ tributors. Authorship and writing fpr A Greenhorn's Irish Experience. A story is told of an Englishman who landed in Dublin filled with apprehen­ sion that the life of any loyal subject oi Her Majesty was not worth a farthing there and thereabouts. The Land Leaguers, he imagined, were all blood­ thirsty assassins, and all that sort of thing. But it was bis duty to travel in the land--a duty he approached with feai and trembling. Now there happened to be on his route a number of towns, the names of which begin with the suggestive syllable "Kil." There was Kilmartin, and soon. In his ignorance of geographical nomen­ clature his affrighted senses were startled anew on hearing a fellow-passenger in the railway carriage remark to anothei as follows: "I am just after bein' over to Kilpat- rick." "And I," replied the other, "am afther bein' over to Kilmday." " What murderers they are !" thoughl the Englishman. "And to think thai they talk of Iheir assassinations so pub­ licly !" But the conversation went on. "And where are ye goin' now?" asked assassin No. 1. " I'm goin' home, and then to Kill- more," was No. 2 s reply. The English­ man's blood curdled. '• Kilmore, is it?" added No. I. " You'd betther be comin' along wid me to Kiiumaule." It is related that the Englishman left the train at the next station. Modern A, B,--Abs. Xs it easier for our little ones to learn to read than it used to be? It seems so. The old process of spelling a, b,--ab ; e, b,--eb; i, b,--ib; o. b,--ob; u, b,-- ub, has gone out of date, and now, so soon as they have learned their letters, burglar rob his house, because he would | which consists of George S. Robinson, be no gentleman if he did not offer to see her safe home. No true gentleman would like to see a feis&le burglar go homo alone at three o'clock in the morn­ ing, (utySl vVula \ve ungYii f$e\ the \ofea ot his property, it would be courtesy foi him to offer to see her home, and help carry the swag. Take it all around, il the women come to be burglars there if going to be mare or leas aimoyanee.-- Petk't Sun. 'r The Man With a Ftsli Story. Ho answered to the name of Elijah Gould, and he had a black eye and a torn shirt. ® • Run over by an ice wagon, I pre­ sume," remarked his Honor. " No, sir; I was run over by three or four men." ' • How was that ?" " Well, I went fishing day before yes­ terday." "And did they bite?" "They did, sir. I caught a pickerel whioh measured over four feet long and weighed thirty-seven pounds." Ilis honor fell back with a look of de­ spair on his face, while a number of the spectators laughed outright " There ! That's it--that's it 1" ex­ claimed the prisoner, "that's just what brought me here. I was in a grocery last night telling them how much that fish weighed and everybody laughed and giggled and gave me a racket I was telling the solemn truth, and when they doubted my word I pitched two M them over the stove." "Do you pretend to say that you caught a fish over four feet long?" asked the court " Pretend? Why, I'm ready to make oath to it!" "And it weighed thirty-seven pounds?" " It did. I weighed it on four differ­ ent scales, and it kicked the beam at ex­ actly thirty-seven." "You can go," quietly observed the court "How's that? I thought I waa ar­ rested ?" " So you were, and perhaps I ought tc fine you, but a man who will stand up and tell such a fish story as that cannot be exactly in his right mind. Pass out" The prisone* passed, but at the door he halted long enough to growl: " I never saw such people in my life ! A man who catches a fish ten feet long ia this town will have to fly for his life." --Detroit Free Press. the press is now overdone, and there are , or eyeQ a pa~rt of them> tliey begin read. but few, and these are, indeed, luckj , Ttmr lpam wntv1« who can make a living at it the magazine writers are It is said not an THEY were talking of the great mother-in-law question, in the drawing- room of a gentl man, with a charming daughter who did not at all take after her mother. "For my part," says a young man in the company, " whenever I have a mother-in-law that annoys me I •hall make no bones about it, but enviable class. They may receive $10(1 for an article, but it is so difficult to gel an article published that they are nol much better than a mere newspapei Bohemian. A leading magazinist is said to rate his income from this source at *1 ,200 a year, which certainly is nothing to boast of. I have read in the newspa fitted Why not? They can learn words as symbols of objects and acts and qualities as easily as they can learn letters to be symbols of certain sounds, and more easily. To my little niece, whom I am teaching to read, the word cat suggesfs the animal it stands for as qiickly as does the picture of a cat, and she could call the word promptly at sight a good while before she could spell it So of man and cot» and 6o.y and girl. * As our pers that a young man who ^ 1)rimers are now arranged with the same himself for journal sm b;, a codege ed- rp(.liri.llltr fr ®ltlv in the same ucation, had recently engaged to tend bar in a saloon at #8 per week. Thif may be intended ss a piece of humor, but there ia a sad truth underlying it-- New York Letter. & _ T~ A CINCINNATI paper intimates that it is a bigger thing in that city to have a hotel named after you than it ia to be .jrkitten about in a book. Word recurring frequently in the same page, a child can very soon pick out words that are alike and call them at sight. The memory is very much as­ sisted if the pencil is early called in as an aid. A bit of thin paper may be placed over the page, the pencil placed in the child's hand, and, guided by the mature hand, the little one will delight in tracing letters and words and oailuig The Lash in- Canada. Coulter was brought before Police Magistrate Duff at Kingston and found guilty. He was severely admonished af to the crime and sentenced to one yeai and three hundred and sixty days in tht Central Prison, and to receive forty- eight laches with ft cat-o'-nine-tails. twenty-four at the expiration of an* month, the other twenty-four at the enc of six months. In accordance with the above sentence twenty-four lashes were administered t< Coulter at the Central Prison at the ex­ piration of the month. The priaonei was stripped and placed on the trinagle He shgw^d considerable terror at th« approaching punishment One of tht guards bared his arms, and, taking hold of the instrument of torture, h< swung it over his head and brought i" down with great force over the prisoner*! bare back, who roared with terror anc pain, and implored the doctor to havt mercy upon him. His cries were un heeded, and again and again the blowi fell with redoubled force, while the victin continued his cries for mercy. Afte: the flogging was over the prisoner's bacl was bleeding, the skin being broken and he was taken to the pri-on hospital where a cloth saturated with oil wat placed over his back, and he was ord^ra to do light work for the remainder ol th* dar.--Ibronto Globe. Dr. J. C. Corbus, William A. Grim-haw, J. M. Gould, Dr. F. W. Hdler, Com­ missioners, and Rev. F. H. Wines, Sec­ retary. Thif report is qi lengthy doc giving a detailed statement covering the year ending Sept 30, 1880. The most interesting of the mass of statistics are given below: The total amount of money to be ao- counted for by the institutions is 416,481, as follows : - Cash iu bauds ol local Treasurers, Oct. 1, 18-W $ 66,871 Appropriations of 1879, undrawn Oct 1, 188 0 689,an Appropriations of 1881, la effect July 1, 1881 i,Tui,saa u Burr Fund " (Elgin Hospital) 700 Petit reoeipta dm ing year, not from State.....; 57,934 Total debit. .$3,416,481 Of the amount just stated, the follow­ ing disposition has been made: Outstanding debt Oct. 1, 1880, aiuoe paid S 12.9T1 Paid* on expellees of fiscal'ye*r 18S1.... 807,041 In hands of local Treasurers, Sept. 30, 1881 79, IM Appropriations of 1881, undrawn Sept. 30, 1881 Total credit $3,418,481 The total expenses of the year, as re­ ported to this office, have been : Ordinary expenses $ 63%861 Special appropriations 183,111 Total expenses $ 838,979 Of the expenses of the past year, $31,331.33 was due and unpaid at the close of the year, but the money to meet t.liiH indebtedness was at the commaud of the institutions, either in bank or in the State treasury on call, so that the year closed as usual without a deficit in any institution. It is now six yean since we have had to report a deficiency. The surplus, after allowing for the pay­ ment of the debt outstanding, is $103,- 583. The number of days" board fur- . nished to inmates in 1881 was 1,144,304*' The average number of inmates, there­ fore, was 3,135, an increase of 209 over the number for the previous year. The per-capita cost of maintenance waa $299.21, which is a decrease of $1.67. The expenses of the different institu­ tions are stated as follows: Institution. Total. Northern Insane • (140.317 Eastern Insane l°J7,t01 Central Insane r21,84J Southern Insane..... lJ5t,SW8 Deaf and Dumb.... lCW,*'*) B.iud *0,s52 Feeble-Minded..*.. 61,Si4 Soldiers' Orphans 48.153 Eye aud Ear 18,55J Beforiu School 3I.9J7 335 ITT 171 I 144 m m Total »8^,u;3 U* The total ordinary expenses for all oi the institutions was $655,861, of whieh $257,395 was for attendance, $177,675 for food, $42,657 for clothing, beddiiig, etc., and $614-18 for fuel. The following table is interesting as showing the growth o§ the institutions and the gradually-increasing extent el the eleemosynary work of the State : AVEBAQX MtnCBEB 1MB UAH. rntmution. 18T6. 187&. 1881. Northern lEsase Hospital. 468 4M &X Kasteru lE«sse . .... Itfi Oentral Insane Hospital ......... 48T 48S 8S8 8outheru Insane Ha#pital........ 904 IH <88 Institution for Deaf aud Dumb.. 8ST 804 339 Institution for the B'.iud &S W IT A-y uiu for Feeb;e-Mmd«d. 80 ICS VM Soldier#' O, plians' Honia Sill 281 8>1 Eye and Ear Infirmary 45 TT 13 Slate ReformScbool 180 1*1 197 Total i...io«4 £iu *15 The decline in the per-capita cost ia to be observed from the following fig­ ures : The per capita in 1876 was $23$; in 1877, $231; in 1878, $224; in 187% $202; in 1880, £210, and in 1>81, It is to be noted that the opening ot'a new institution, the Eastern Jusaa* Hospital, at Kankakee, has affeeted the result, for all the institutions taken to- <<ether, as shown in the table giv^u for the years 1880 and 1881. The per-capita cost of the other nine institutions fat those years is $203.16 and 32 '1.28, an averaee reducfion during the six yealS of a little more than 15} per cent.