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""* ^TH.-^--^W.Jn-»~^^^.^-~,-.W.. _ .» ...X^-P. ,!«. R ;,A- '•V. IN BEAD EARNEST TOR ONCE. An Episode In Cliff Mdhon'i S irijr X«wt- ••:•** p»p«r R«P"| lance. A reporter, indeed! Well, tills is how it happened: I had been country correspondent for several metropolitan papers, and, believing that a sit as re­ porter OH a city daily would be about my average, I went to B. full of newsgathering notions of my own in search of a position. It took me seven long months, notwithstanding the cre­ dentials I had brought with me, to se­ cure even a third-rate sit; but, assuring myself that great ambition, founded on small beginnings was highly appropri­ ate, I went to work with vim enough to have destroyed the entire influence of the Daily Blossom, had I been given its management, which, naturally, I stoutly craved. But one night our foremost reporter was taken sick. Some one was wanted to take his place, and--well, the happy lot fell to me. If my memory serves me, my heart did flutter then. Why, it stood still, then gave an acrobatic leap, the like of which I have never exper­ ienced since. About 9 o'clock that evening, In my feverish chase after news, I discovered a bright light in the west. Of course reporters see these things first, though I directly afterward observed that squads of people were discussing the phenomena on the etreet oorners. In an instant my h$art gave another thump, and before I was aware of my wicked­ ness I was vaguely hoping that the fire fiend, dreadful to some, might burst forth as resplendent as my elated self. An alarm had not yet sounded, and with patriotic alertness I bounded away toward the light, which was every mo­ ment becoming brighter. The tall church spires were growing red with the glare, and in their majesty seemed to give a heightened color to my im­ petuous desire to outdo the other papers with this bit of news at the least. It soon became evident that the fire was outside of the city, just over the bluff. Qnibkened instinct taught me that na weather-worn reporter would •enture out so far, and who knew but I, upon this very night, could feather my cap, and on the morrow rank second to none in my chosen profession. At any rate, I was going to the fire. ' It was nearly two miles to the bluff, but what of it ? The hour was etirly, and I would h^ve ample time to get back and fix up matters at the office before going to press. Regardless of alluring paths and highways, I kept the firelight directly ahead of me, crossing open lots and fences, evading snarling dogs and policemen, until, with an al­ most shocking abruptness, I came to a bank of fresh earth, to surmount which would require some vigorous climbing. But up I darted, with the firm belief that the fire would be in full view when I reached the top. Just as I was about to grasp the sod above I felt the earth giving away beneath me. I gave a sud­ den leap to save myself, but no, down I tumbled with this veritable land-slide, my boots filled with gravel, and, more than all, my new silk hat lay half buried in the ruins I had made. But check the ardor of a fresh reporter, will you? Not much. I was up in a jiffy, and the next time, by the aid of an overhanging sapling, I succeeded in gaining the ridge of the hill. But, be­ lieve my eyes! there was another bluff between me and the fire! "With a quiet determination I resolved not to be bafflAf! in this W®y. There waa tKa firn directly ahead of me, and why not go to it? Well, I didn't even stop to ask the question. Climbing a rail fence I started across a piece of plowed ground, through a cornfield, in which the rows ran diagonally, jumped ditches, and finally began my ascent of the second bluff. Here I encountered some tangled underbrush, through which the fire­ light gleamed faintly, and which crackled in the ominous stillness as I forced my way along. Like a painted warrior I kept the one object sought before me, chuckling over the assurance that the farther away the fire, the less apt would be the other papers of gettin'g the news. , Yet when I reached the top of the hill my troubles were not ended. A dense wood still hid the fire from view, but through this I eagerly started, coming at last to an open field, where I mounted a fence to reconnoiter. As sure as I then lived and preserved my re- portorial identity, those deceitful flames were not in sight. With this inglorious reality before me, I wiped the perspira­ tion from my aching forehead. A re­ porter ! Bah! I could have fought a •whole tribe of savages rather than suffer defeat. In the strictest con­ fidence, dear reader, I knew not de­ feat. Such trifling annoyance ought never to foil an enterprise like this, for victory seemed written in huge letters of goid all along the tree topp; and with this strikingly dramatic parallel I jumped from my perch, and--gjreat guns, what had happened! In an in­ stant my heels were cleaving the air, and my head was chucked into a dead furrow, and in another instant I lay at full length upon the earth, star-gazing. With terrified snorts, a huge beast was making for the open field, from whose heels I received a lump of earth full in my face. With a reporter's clearness of vision, I sawit all now. Like a mid­ night assassin, I had pounoed down npon a harmless cow which had taken np her night's rest in the fence corner, and. as I had come down astride her, the result had been more realistic than charming. But with scaroely a thought of my de­ liverance I picked myself up and hur­ ried on over the rough ground, occa­ sionally stumbling headlong into a fur­ row which some painstaking farmer had filled with stone* and roots, as though reporters, like artists, must be made to suffer the almost unbearable conse­ quences of a well followed profession. Down into a meadowed valley I went, but, to add still more to my misfortunes, I suddenly found myself floundering in a sticky mire, the muddy water trick­ ling into my boots,the bottoms of which seemed riveted to some ponderous weisrht below. Failing to free myself at once, it occurred to me that if I sat down on a grassy knoll at my side I might be able to pull one leg out at a time. But, horror of horrors! it wasn't a grass knoll at all. It waa a deceitful bit of weeds which overhung a tub sunk in the ground, and into this tub, filled to the brim with water, I had sat with a humility that ought to have glorified a saint. With a chilling ingratitude I snatched my dripping self out, and stood upright. The wet compress at my back and the fever in my head were amiably contrasted by me as I took in my surroundings. But, in­ glorious as was my position, the fact that the fire just then be­ gan to show signs of flagging galled xafi to the quick. What if I should never reach the scene of the disaster? But now,as I relate these facts,let us be frank. Who ever heard of a reporter being at his v. it's end ? I had not up to that moment, and with a grip of Her­ cules I bent over and pulled the tub from its setting (which, by the way**' proved to be a barrel) and laying it upon its side sat down upon it to think. Happy thought! Over the cask I bent my form in a truly scientific manner, and reaching out at arms' length grasped some stout bushes, and when in readiness tugged vigorously to free my feet from the obstinate soiL So ingenious was my device that the third grand effort did the work, and I had the pleasure of rolling handsomely out of my peril, leaving but one boot in the mira to mark the spot of this my latest, difficul­ ty. To any candid philosopher I sub­ mit the belief that a truly inventive mind seldom suffers from the clod of circumstances, considering, I mean, the happiness I experienced while fishing that boot out of the mud. Soiled clothes were quite in harmony with what I gained, all of which would make my triumph on the morrow the more marked, etc., etc.; but why stop to consider a glory not yet fully earned? What did I do next? Without wait­ ing to improve my toilet I pulled on my boot and began rhy ascent of the third, and I hoped the last, hill between me and the fire. I met not the shadow of a hindrance until arriving at the top of the bluff. Incidentally let me re­ mark that the fire was not in sight l>e- cause of a .thickly-grown hedge fence surrounding a grave "yard. Now who ever heard of a hedge fence around a grave yard before? This was no doubt another dodge to perplex a well-mean­ ing member of the press. An artist, under favorable conditions, would have stopped and sketched it. But I--well, when I found a suitable place I crawled under it, the best I could do under the circumstances. It was a long, narrow piece of ground, thickly dotted with headstones and columns, all of which were yet ruddy with the still-glowing light of the fire. Spectral-like I hur­ ried over the silent graves, for as long as the hedge on the other side was be­ fore me I could see nothing beyond. Just as I was making my way around a wired inclosure, another ingenious thought struck me. Stepping up to a large monument, I sprang upon its pe­ destal, climbed hastily up to the let­ tered columns, and soon found myself able to clasp to my embrace the rai­ ment-covered urn at the top. With a most daring spirit I climbed further, until I stood on the top of this deserv­ ing work of art, from whence I cast a longing look in the direction of the light. Could I believe my eyes ? Cer­ tainly, certainly! Self-congratulations came into my mind without numbers. They fairly groaned for utterance. They said: scrape the mud from thy boots, put new stiffening in thy hat, beg the cow's pardon, and withhold not thy self-esteem, for, Cliff, you're a trump! There's the fire in full sight, not more than a mile away, directly across a beautiful stretch of plowed ground and buckwheat! Had there been room for me I would have danced for delight. As it was I clambered down and hurried on with * a new hope, actually hopping from grave to grave, and in thirty toilsome moments had traversed the entire field of fallow and grain, coming at length to a road, an object I might have cherished had I thought of one before. Here I met groups of people coming away from the fire, which was now but a, flat heap of glowing embers. Past these deni­ zens I stalked, more the object of their terror than suspicions, my bespattered stovepipe upon the back of my head, and my arms swinging in a way that denoted my intense interest in my call­ ing. Doubtless several large barns, haystacks, etc., had been destroyed, and only the residence next to the road had been saved. To the rear yard I went, but was surprised to find but one person present to answer my greeting, he an elderly man who sat smoking and staring comfortably at the ruins. The glance he gave me was proof that the fellow had never looked upon a truly dilapidated reporter before. To my queries he found courage to say: "You're a little late, ain't ye? The man as lives here, bein' a widderer, is away to the city, an' I've come over from Kibble's to watch the fire. Maybe you're prospecting hereabouts ?" I told him my mission briefly, and he replied that, bein' a stranger in these parts himself, he didn't know nothin' about the fire, only jedging from ap­ pearances, an' them's apt to be deceiv- in', sometimes. Thunder and Mars! was there no neighbor in hailing distance ? "It's a full mile over to Skimptou's, an' they're out in Sprat county a-berry- in'." Grief and remorse was all there was left to face this stubborn reality. Stop! I know what I'll do. Take myself to town, give a glorious imaginary account of the fire, with revengeful liead-lines, vicious sub-heads, exclamation points and the like, and--No, Cliff, don't you do it. Write a stickful touching upon the light in the west, its probable meaning, and directly go to bed.** The glory has been earned, but keep it to yourself, aye, silently bury it in your bosom. Act not rashly, my boy, but go home by the road, though it may be the longest way back. To this day, be it said, I hare never known upon what street I entered the city that night. The moon had gone down and it was as dark as tar, and, as I whisked up-stairs into the Blossom office, the bell in that sable old tower across the street struck 12, long and loud One thing more. The next morning at 10 I was rudely awakened by the manager, who had come to my bunk, and its I looked in*o his face I saw the rage of an inquisitor. "See here," he fairly shouted, "the Morning Skipper has a full half-column of the fire last night. What does it mean, young man ? out with it!" "Oh, then there was afire last night ?" I asked, with extreme innocence, clap­ ping my hand to my aching head, and trying in vain to straighten my stiffened joints. The truth was I was sorry for the manager, he was taking it so seri­ ously, and, had not my heart and bones ached so, I might have felt more for him. But what do yon suppose he did ? He turned white, then red, then broke out all over with a disgmsted smile, and went out of the room with a bang. But with all my subsequent inquiries I never found out how, as soon as the barn- owner had saved all he eould, he had mounted his nag and rode straight to the Skipper office because, he said, he took the paper and wanted the particu­ lars printed correctly. But in the light of human justice, let me ask, who earned those particulars? -- Detroit Post ' THE annual product of cheese in the United States, in an average season, Is about 40OSOOO,QQ0 pounds. A PROFESSIONAL CONFESSIOIT. Tile Uiraimat istml Experience of Utm Made Publi* The following1 article from the Democrat and Chroni/le, of Rochester, N. Y., Is of so striking * nature, and emanates from so re­ liable a source, that It is herewith repub­ lished entire. In addition to the valuable matter it contains, it will be found exoeed- 'ngly interesting. To the Editor of the Democrat and Chronicle: SIR--My motives for THE publication of the mo-t unusual statements which follow are, first, gratitude for the fact that I have been saved fiom a most horrible death, and, sec­ ondly, a desire to warn all who read this statement against some of the most decep­ tive influences by which they have ever been surrounded. It is a fact that to-day thou­ sands of people are within a foot "of the prave and they do not know it. To tell how I was caught away from iust this position and to warn others against nearing it are my objects in this communication. On the first day of June, 1881,1 lay at toy residence in this city surrounded by jy fri< nds and waiting for my death. F^veh only knows the a^ony I then endured, for words CTtn never describe it A^d yer, if m few years previous any one '.ad told ma thar I was to be brought so ow, and by so terrible a disease, I should i&ve scoffed at the ule:t. I had always b* ,n uncommonly stronsr and healthy, had veighed over 200 pounds and hardly kne"«, in my own expe­ rience, what pain or t-kikneFs were. Very many people who wil' read this statement realize at times that t hey are unusually tired and c ann o fraccount for it. They feel dull and indefinite pains In various parts of the body and do not understand it. Or they are exceedingly hungry one day and entirely without appetite the next This was just the way J. felt when the relentless mainly which had fastened itself upon me first be­ gan. Still I thought it was nothing; that probably I had taken a cold which would soon pass away. Shortly after this I noticed a dull,' and at times a neuralgic, pain in my head, but as it would oome one day and be gone the next, I paid but tittle attention to it. However, my stomach w s out of order and my food of­ ten failed to digest, causing at times great inconvenience. Yet I had no idea, even as a physician, that these: t lings meant any­ thing'serious or that a monstrous disease was becoming fixed upon me. Candidly, I thought I waf suffering from malaria and so doctored myself accordingly. But I got no better. I next notioed a peculiar color and odor about the fluids I was passing-- also that there were large quantities one day and very little the next, and that a per­ sistent froth and scum appeared upon the surface, and a sediment settled in the bot­ tom. And yet I did not realize my danger, for, indeed, seeing these symptoms contin­ ually, I fiually became accustomed to them, and my suspicion was wholly disarmed by the fact that I had no pain in the affected org ins or in their vicinity. Why I should have been so blind I cannot understand. There is a terrible luture for all physical neglect, and Impending danger alwavB brings a person to his senses even though it may be too late. I realized, at last, my critical con­ dition and aroused mvself to overcome it. I consulted the best medical skill in the land. I visited all the prominent springs in America and traveled Irom Maine to Ca.ifor- nia Stid I grew worse. No two physicians agreed as to my malady. One said I was troubled with spinal irritation; another, nervous pros!ration; another, malaria; an­ other, dyspepsia; another, heart d sease; another, general debility; ano her, conges­ tion of the base of the brain; and so on through a long list of common diseases, the symptoms of all of which I really had. In this wav several years passed during all of which time I was steadily growing worse Mv condi i ion had really become pitiable, fhe slight symptoms I at first ex­ perienced were developed into terrible and constant disorders--the little twigs of pain had grown to oaks of agony. My weight had been reduced from 207 to 130 pounds. My life was a torture to myself and fiienda, I could retain no food upon my stomach, and lived wholly by injections I was a liv­ ing mass of pain. My pulse was uncontroll­ able. In my agony t frequently fell upon the floor, convulsively clutched the carpet and praved for death. Morphine had little or no elfect in deadening the pain. For six days and nights I had the deatu-premonitory hiccoughs constantly. My urine was filled vHth tube caste and albumen. I was strug­ gling with Bright's disease of the kidneys In its last stages. While suffering thus I received a call from my pastor, the liev. l>r. x oove, fieoiox oi" SiL Paul's church, of this city. I felt that it was our last interview, but in the course of conversation he mentioned a remedy of a Prominent which I had heard much, but had never used. Dr. Foote detailed to me the many remark­ able cures which had come under his ob­ servation by means of this remedy, and urged me to try it As a practice njr "physi­ cian and a graduate of the schools, I cher­ ished the prejudice botfc natural and com­ mon with all regular practitioners, and de­ rided the idea of any medicine outside the regular channels being the least beneficial 8 , solicitous, however, was Dr. Foo e, that I finallv promised I would waive my preju­ dice and try the remedy he so l ighly recom­ mended. 1 began its use on : he first day of Jun", and took it according to directions At lirst it sickened me; but this I thought was a good siirn for me in my debilitated condition. I continued to take it; the sick­ ening sensation departed, and I was able to retain food upon my stomach. In a few days I noticed a decided chanure for the better, as also did my wife and triends. My hiccoughs ceased and I ex­ perienced less pain tban formerly. 1 was so rejoiced at th.s improved condition that, upon what I had believed but a few days be­ fore was my dying b^yi, I vowed, in the presence of my family and friends, should I recover I would both publicly and privately make known this remedy for the good of humanity, wherever and whenever I had aa opportunity. I also determined that I would give a course of lectures in the Corinthian Academy of Music of this.clty, stating in full the symptoms and almost hopelessness of my disease and the remarkable means by which I have been saved. My improvement was constant from that time, and in less than three months I had gained twenty-six pounds in flesh, became entirely free Irom pain, and I believe I owe my life and present condition wholly to Warner's Safe Kidney and Liver Cure, the remedy which I used. Since my recovery I have thoroughly re­ investigated the subject of kidney difficulties and Bright's disease, and the truths devel­ oped are astounding. ° I therefore state, de­ liberately, and as a physician, that I believe that more than one-half the deaths which occur in America are caused by Bright's disease of the kidneys. This may sound like a rsph statement, b«t I am prepared to fully verify it. Bright's disease has no distinctive symptoms of its own (indeed, it often de­ velops without any pain whatever in the kidneys or their vicinity), but has the symp­ toms of nearly every other known com­ plaint. Hundreds of people die daily, whose burials are authorized by a physician's cer­ tificate of "Heart Disease." "Apoplexy," "Paralysis," "Spinal Complaint," "Rheuma­ tism, " "Pneumonia, "and other common com­ plaints, when in reality it was Bright's Dis­ ease of the Kidneys. Few physicians, and fewer people, realize the extent of this di ea.*e, or its dangerous and insidious nat­ ure. It steals into the system like a thief, manifests its presence by the commonest evmDtoms. ana fastens itself unon the con­ stitution betore the victim is aware. It is nearly as hereditary as consumption, quite as common and fully as fatal Entire fami­ lies inheriting it from their ancestors, have died, and vet none of the number knew or realized the m\ 6terious power which was re­ moving them Instead of common symp­ toms it often shows none whatever, bat brinrrs death suddenly, and as such is usu­ ally supposed to be heart disease. As one who has suffered, and knows by bitter ex­ perience what he says. I implore every one who reads these words not to neglect the slightest sympt >ms ot Kidney difficulty. Certain agony and possible death will be tne pure result of such neglect, and no one can afford to r a ard such chances. • I am aware that such an unqualified state­ ment as this, coming, from me, known as T am throughout the entire land as a prac­ titioner and lecturer, will arouse the sur- of the medical am The Parasite. If in the figure of the butterfly we welcome the accepted sign of immor­ tality, personating the flight of the soul, what then is the spiritual correspond­ ence of this dread ichneumon of the in­ sect world by whose demonical inter­ vention the identity of the perfect being is annihilated, absorbed, and replaced by'this unnatural progeny? The par­ asite is omnipresent, and often, it would rfeem, almost omnipotent. It appears in endless disguises, an army that peo­ ples the air we breathe, and that sows broadcast the seeds of destruction. No creature of the insect world is exempt from its attack. But the vegetable kiugdom knows their dominence as well. Pave you seen that swollen bud upon the osier, the abnormal scaly cone npdn the cordate willow, that thorny ' ball Upon the brier-rose, or the crimson berry on the cinquefoil? These are but the wily pranks of some insinuated egg and of its artful elf that holds the growing fibre in the bondage of its whims. Strange mimic fruits are borne on leaves bewitched, the tiny bud be­ comes a tessellated tenement, the stem a bastioned castle. But not invulnera­ ble, for these in turn are invaded by the parasite with weapons from without. New guests are ushered into the tempt­ ing domiciles, unbidden patrons that proceed to eat the host at his own table, and then usurp his luxury. What with its parasites and its high-handed murderers, it would seem that nature is a vast arena (a mirror held up to the world of human life) where the mighty oppress the weak, and that universal massacre and destruction are the kev- note of the world's economy* Consider for the moment how "these thorns upon the rose of life" pierced the heart of "our Lord Buddha" when, lT „ • "Looking deep, he saw . How liaard fed on ant, and snake on him, And kite on both; and how the fish-hawk robbed The lish-tiper of that which it had seized; The shrike chasing the bulbul, which did The jeweled hutU'i tli.-s; till everywhere Each slew a slayer, and in turn was slain, Life living upon death. So the fair show Veiled one vast, savage, grim conspiracy Of mutual murder, from the worm to the "»« ' Who himsolf kills hiR fellow." A\ ho shall solve these dark problems of nature? for it is not alone the hiero­ glyph of chrysalis or the painted wing, the figure of resurrected moth or the mockery of the blighted sepulchre, that tests our thought, but every living or inanimate thing in some form invites our seeking, even as in the new-l>orn fern it takes an open symbol, and mimics the interrogation point--TFii- Ham Hamilton Gibson, in Harper's Magazine. - - Sadly Afflicted. "My boy was badly afflicted with rheuma­ tism, "said Mr. Barton, of the great stove firm of Redway &, Barton, of this city, to one of our reporters. "We doctored him a great deal, but could find no cure; f had heard so much of the efficacy of St. Jacobs Oil that I finally determined to try it. Two bottles of the Oil fully cured him.--Cincinnati Enquirer. , Charles Dickens on Industry. Many men have worked much harder and not succeeded half so well; but I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order and diligence; without the de­ termination to concentrate myself on one object at a time, no matter how quickly its successor should come upon its heels. * * * My meaning simply is, that whatever I have tried to do in my life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; that whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted my­ self to completely; that in great aims and iu small I have thorowhl? in earnest. I have never believed it possi­ ble that any natural or improved ability can claim immunity from the compan­ ionship of the steady, plain, hard-work­ ing qualities, and hope to gain its end. Some happy talent and some fortunate opportunity may form the two sides of the ladder on which some men may mount; but the rounds of that ladder must be made of stuff to stand wear and tear; and there is no substitute for thorough-going, ardent and sincere earnestness. Never to put one hand to anything on which I could not throw my whole self; and never, never, to affect depreciation of my work, what­ ever it was, I find now to have been my golden rules. THE local editor of the Springfield, Mass., Republican, Mr. J. H. Mabbitt, says: "We have used St. Jacobs Oil in our family for rheumatism, and found it to be a finst-class thing."--Boston Herald. \ prise and po'sibe animosity ofthe med profession and a tonish all with whom I aoauaififc- d i ut I make the foregoing state­ ments based upon facts which I am prepared* to produce, and truths which I can substan­ tiate to the letter. The welfare of those who may possibly be sufferers such as I was is an ample inducement for me toke tne step I ha others from once walked, fessional and personal consequences, J. B. HENION, M. D. THE two underground lines of rail­ ways in London carry 110,000,000 pas­ sengers every year, and the Metropol­ itan alone carries 20,000,000 for a maxi­ mum charge of one penny. St. Patrick and the Fairies. Now the King tould St. Patlirick that there was one thing the fairies knew an' r the divils didn't, an' that was what went on in Noah's ark after it was afloat an' the mountains was .covered. The way of it was this, ye see--this ark was the Lord's own boat, built by His orders by the man He choose, an' the divils darsen't go in there. Then the wather outside was howly wather, for ye moind, Paddy, that the windows of heaven were opened, an' the wather kem from there, an' in coorse it was howly wather, so the divils couldn't go in there. The air was open to- 'm - they are the powers of the, air, ye know, for Satan is the prifi«r of the powers of the air; but thin it was poor fun an' unprofitable be­ sides to be sailin' around above the wather like a flock of fish-hawks, an' not darin* to make a dive for a saumon or a sinner--an' it's my opinion there was more snners than saumon in that wather. So they went off to the Dog star, or some of thiin furrin counthries, an' made it lively there, IH go bail, un­ til the flood was over.--Our Continent Health, Strength and Vigor. If you are seeking health, strength and vigor, we earnestly request you to give Dr. Ouysott's Yellow Dock and SarsapariQa & trial. No medicine ever invented has such » good record m & health renewer, blood purifier and true etrengthener of every part of the body. Ask your druggist to get it far you. THE gentleman who was appointed by the court to obtain the secret of Kee- lev's alleged motor, reports that he has not yet obtained the secret, but that he has discovered that the motor is really a wonderful affair. This is not import­ ant, because Keeley admitted as much years ago. THE best sermon in the world never yet reconciled the proud man, trying to curl his feet up and out of sight under the pew, to the painfully obtrusive and evident fact that the wife of hfe bosom had used his blacking-brush to polish the kitchen stove. FRANCE has l^ad 10,000 murders in the last twenty-five years, but consoles herself with the reflection that she has also had 9*230 executions of murderers. QUE-HUOCB that th« Chinese men should have rach long hair. Ladies, if yon would hare your ag long as the Chinese and as beautiful as a houri's, use CarfaolincL the daodunsad patce- i«im juur renewer and oreaaer. A Local paper publishes a poem entitled, *W"y the Cows Came Late." The cows probably came late because they had an en­ gagement in somebody's front yard. It Steads the Te«t of Time! Thae tries all things, and few are the cus­ toms, habtte, or adjuncts of hfe that are not Sgffg,bsforsits remoneleaa^Burch. trodwMd, tested'anf fouqd'wantontc!1 *PWw MM* Punm Coax Exxmaetoa alone holds iV Pain lees Corn SxtncMr never faila to sake a complete cure. Sold everywhere. Wholesale, Loid,Stoatenburghlk Co.,Chicago. *AH," moaned a widow recently bereaved, •what a misfortune! I know what kind of • husband I have lost, but how can I know what kin<y of i! husbaud his successor will Pernonal 1--To Men Only I The VOT.TAIC BELT Co., Marshall, Sfteh.,will send Dr. Dye's Celebrated Electro-Voltaic Belts and Electric Appliances on trial for thirty days to men (young or old) who are afflicted with nervous debility, lost vitality and kindred troubles, puajraiiteefng: sueedy and complet e restoration of hcrJth and man­ ly viiror Address as above. N. B - No risk Is incurred, as thirty days' trial is allowed. •Sin following sign is as a photograph gal. lay at Santa Cruz, Oal.: "And God mid let there be light and there was light* ye will use that light to your advantage." free to All Minister* of Churches. I will send one bottle of White Wine of Tar filyrun, gratis, to any m nister; hat will recom­ mend it to his friends after giving it a fair test, and it prove* satisfactory tor coughs, colds, throat or lung diseases. DR. C. D. WARNER, Reading, Mich. lungses MISTRESS--"What a time you've been about that epg. Mary." Mary--"Yes, ma'am; hut the new kitcnen clock has such lazge min­ utes!" . ; Ftre Thontutnd Letters Have been received by proprietor Of the White Wine of Tar Syrup, from parties claim­ ing to be cured of consumption by its use. FORESIGHT: A--"Why have you marked the birthdays of all your friends In your al­ manac?" ft--"So as to know when not to oall on them." PDBB Cod-Liver Oil. made from select liv­ ers on the sea-shore, by CASWELL, IIAZARO FT Co., New York. It, is absolutely pure and sWeet Patients who have once U.ken it pre­ fer it to all others. Physicians have decided it siyperior to any of the other oils in market YOUNG lady writing a love letter for the kitchen maid--" That's about enough now, itn't it Kitchen maid--" One thing more. xnfc<; lust say please excuse bad spefiin' and writin'." • CoxTtoN ooiJ>s KKGI.EOTED cause one- half tl." deaths. Consumption lurks in every coujrb, Mi ten using as a mask the ruddy cheek and upaAI'ng <ye till its deadly seeds are deeply planted in the system. EII.ERT'B EXTRACT o." TAB ANI> WILD CHERRY will surely cure .x>lds, comrhs, croup, catarrh, bronchial complaints, and ward ofl consump­ tion. Ax exchange wants to know: "What are our young men coming to?" Coming to see our girls, of course. DB. WINCHKLL'S TXETHINO STHUP to Just the medicine for moth >ra to haw in the house for the children. It will cure colds, coughs, sore throat, and r< gnlate the bowels, Do not fail to give it a irial, you will be leased with it* ahanning effect Sold by all A Short-Winded Colored Man. Col. Percy Yorger, although a kind husband, a lc;uling member of the church, a patriotic citizen, and other-" wise a higli-toned Austin gentleman ot culture and refinement, its, nevertheless,^ not in tlWnabit of meeting promptly his pecuniary obligations. He owes everybody, 'including Sam John sing,, 9 his colored carriage driver, to which? tvusty Jehu lie o»ves a year's back wages. Of lato Col. Yerger has been exhibiting no uneasiness,' vfliatever, alxrat the iyatter, much'to the mental disquiotr.de ofthe faithful African^ "Boss, I tenders a vacancy in my de­ partment."' exclaimed Sain, yesterday, having screwed his courage up to the sticking point. "Why, Sam, what is it that perturbs you so much?" »-r f • "I'se disturbed1 "boss, Jipkase l*se a short-winded niggah. MY defected.". » = • "Judging from tlvMray y^u shout at camp-meetings, I should infer your organs of respimjtiou and artjeplotion were in a |>e*feetiy normal condition. "I reckon dey is, boss, ef you say so, but I'se a short-winded niggah, all do same. I can't run wuff a cent." "What occasion have you, to indulge in such violent pedestrian exercises'?*' asked Colonel "ierger, with his usual anavity.. , v .. .. "Boss, do6s yer aisrememlier me'ask- ing yer when yer wiis gwine ter pay me my back wages, an' yer tole me my Wag^s was running on all rigtil "Yes, Sam, your pay i3 running on yet. Thtere is nof occasion for appre­ hension." "Jess, so, boss, but Tse a short-winded niggah, an' my wages lias got such a big start ol> me in de race, dat I feels hit in my bones dat sicli a 'short-winded nig­ gah will nebber be able to ketch up. Dem dar wages am bound to kepp ahead ob me, so I tenders de vacancy in my department."--Texas ,Si/tings. pleased wi druggists. AN exchange has an articie on "how to treat wives." This seems to remind us of the old rule about cooking a ; rabbit--"first catch him." ' UMCLB SAM'S CONDITION POWDERS should be used by every one owning or having the care of horses, cattle, hogs or poultry. It improves the appetite, promotes the growth, and restores the sick. Sold by all druggists ~ A As DARWIN died worth £150,000, it's evi­ dent he devoted attention to the origin of the specie SUNNY Men. "Wells' Health Aene TO" re­ stores health, cures dyspepsia,Impot nee, "Rough on Corns." 15c. Ask for! igh< complete oure. Ask forltS Corns, warta, bonkms. THX most pronounced lie on record is that of a young man who asserts that he likes his % OKX greasing with Fraser Axle Grease will last two weeks, all others two or three daya Trf it It received first premium at the Cen­ tennial and Paris Exposition. SOMEBODY says that" women would never do to run railroads,,as the trains would al­ ways be behind." THERE are better times ahead. Improve the present by going to H. B. Bryant's Chicago Business College. VERT few milk-dealers will acknowledge that they know how to swim CHAPPED Hands, Face, Pimples, and rough Skin, cured by using JUNIPER TAR SOAP, made by CASWELL, HAZARO JKCo., New York. IT is a good thing to laugh; beasts ean Weep when they suffer, but they cann^ laugh. --Dryden. WHERE machinery is used the Drew Oil Cup will save •">() per cent, of oil. W rite for cir­ cular. Borden, Belleck & Co, Chicaga ANEW leading: Truth is stranger than fish stories.--Puck. FAMILY ran 8TRICTLY PURE. Hsvmlew to the Mpst TTnllii+f T • fit BT lu. faltfetal coxsgnpfipifMRta* Wen CURED when Mker JCMft*dUa« iuMl Physician* Vi i1 * sa etfect » - » ' T't . _Wnxi*x 0. Dteocs. merchant of Bowline Orw*. V»., writes April'4,1881, that he wants us to know tbaat the ic*o SULSAKjto. (WWW sum, after the physician luwfriven her up as jimim- ble. Het*y»,olh<ir*knwwiM berctatflrtMllihtte Balsam and been cured; he thinks nQ sq should i»iv« a tnal. til • WILLIAM A. (IITAHAM ft Co., wholes*!® draKista, Xajicsrilic, Ohio, write iw ot tha rtnre of 'HATHIA* FRKKMAN. a wcli-knowu citizen, WHO had beanaMicu*i with Bronchitis in its worat term tor t»*erw: ifef. . The LuNti BAU>AM cured him, is it BAA NUN; of Bronchitis. As an Expectorant it has No Equal. For Snls by nil MmUcIm DtalA. . TRUTH 31 <;•••* SfMMi Sin, Aaaateaw m * r « j - a , h r 1 0 -- i p , •riar «mi --* Mt it Mr, mi • COHKf W mi ftm Aim* tlwl m «Dk mm, •rtilwal MW> M^wllilii. ifimmj nnnl» di art aSaf. CA REED & SONS. A PIANOS. ,TJ CKwranteed flrxt-cJat* in tone and dnrabllitr- Oorre- ercondence invited. Catalogues >832, free. BEEDfE lEMfLEOF MUSIC, 139 Statist, Chia$o. hMUO. -'•'tifil GERHMllElt RHEUMATISM, Baokaoh*, Sent wii o9 ti» Ck Gout,Qyiiuj,Sor9 Tkroat,Swfl- iw« and Sprain*, Burn* T Scald*, 6*n*rat Bodily <; \ Pain*, Tooth, Car *uid Naadacha, Fr**t»B Foot and Ean, and all oikar Mn* and Mm. m m Sritoy'lSwS IMMI; A Mai «atafls tat AT MYMMR trifling outlay «f M OHM* iM trwrymf MMMM with pain saa kai* aksap aa* JMIMTI fmf TFM •lain. J DirtettoMli Btvti iMfMfn, * •OLD BT ILL S1TO&IBTB AID PKIT.1W •r KSDHura A. VCKHEXER * CO.. MN*mn,JM.i 7.1.X ^ Hjnd Doiital tor DTnfdCatalne. HUIX|*8. (Mr Store. 38 ft 4© Monroe Chicago.* WATCHES! JKWKI.BT, SiLvunwAR*. retailed at wholesale rates. Price-list free. T.W.Kennedy, P.O.Box850.N.Y. HUX LEY, Tynflafl, Spencer, Famous Rrtentitle Works, 15c. Cataloguefiee. 4.FrrzaER< u) & Co., 30 Laluyette Place. New York City. 25c buys a pair of Lyon's Patent Heel Soft­ eners and make a boot last twic& as long. IT was the contractor who lost money on' the Job who bu lded better than he knew. Tax the new brand, Sprlnsr Tobaooa To GET up a d nner of preat variety, cooks ahoald be allowed a wide range • f 1 i AM EXTRAORDINARY CASE. ' AUSTIN , Texas. February 30,189. Tb Mr. J. W.Qrataam, Druggist: Dear Sir--Mj ease was an acute form of Bronchitis, anA was of one and a half year's duration. I employed the beet medical aid possible, but failed rapidly, until the doctors said I would die--that my case was incur­ able. Thrown upon my own resources, I got a bottle of DR. WM. HAJUX/H BALSAM FOB THE LUNGS, and In six hours felt a decided Belief. In three days the cough almost disappeared. Now that my chances of Ufa are good for many years, I earnestly recommend the abore to every sufferer of throat err lung disease. C. G. LATHBOP. num,nnm l-si rurx'iitv- Is make New Rich Blood a 11.1 will completely change the blood tn the entire sys­ tem in tlirtw months. Any persrai who will take one pul ehcli fi .m 1 to 12 wneks m iy be restored to sound health if cuchaibin* t>t* possible. Sold everywhere, ot cent l<y innil f"r 8 letter 1. i*. <fe CO, Bertsa, Kaaa, lorm>-rly Bnsisr, Me. This HsYa Singer, $20 With $* set of Attachments Free > Warranted perfect. Uffhtninning. quiet, handsome and durable. Sent OB test trUl-plan when desired. Mmpmr Orgnaa I reta Reeds, U stops; Mechanical Sab Bass.octave coupler, tknee swells, with $3stoolend SI Book,only »7S- Also sent on test trial-plan If de­sired. Elegant case, magnificent tone, durable Inside and out. Cir­ cular, with testimonials, free. Ask O.Payne * CO. ̂ 7 Third Chicle NOT FAIL less*d for ear fall prioe far UK*. Jtvs to mpon appli- eattsa. Oottalas dascrip- tioaaef --iryM*? rfeqnfr- purchaser, special * ' .. I CO. , ISb XSfS* Wabash Amae, I'UtSfO, lilts Monarch & Young America* CORJi A COB MILLS. Only Mills made witu Cut (.Vrsf-A'ief Or- rid• r.i. Wa-- ranted superior to any in use for all purposes. Will grind faster, run easier and .wear longer. 8atistaction (guaranteed. JtS^Alfio.Corn- fEliell«w.Feed Cutters Cider [Mills,Hay Presses. Ben<l tor I circular* and prices Manu­ factured by WHITMAN AGRICULTURAL CO., St. Louis, Mo. g~-i TTif Our Medicated Chewing Bum, Uie best in VJT U IML the world. Send 20 cents for sample bos. Agents wanted. K. 1). YOUNO 4 CO., Brocton, Mas*. --90b«M pli' fr*4 he WOT it. Mlclf. AGENTS WANTED for the Best and Fastest-Sell­ing Pictorial Hooks and Bibles. Prices reduced 33 perceut. NATIONAL JPITHMSUWU CO., Chicago, 111. HULLERS5S3 <actte«ta AUUTMAX A TAYMMKKX be nai AUM AtWIIf iMMtah IXXManMd. PATENTS • I Bill • W Attorney K,Wa»iiiint^on,D.C PATKNI'US tUfrt*. J*ull fni ruction* and Hand-batik on PORTRAITS of Small Pictures. SGP~8end tienesee St., Auburn. ^ f MENTS WANTED in India ink, water col­ ors, oil and crayon en- _ _ latvi'd from all kinds of Small Pictures. *?" fiend tor redui-ed price-list. ase tbsaaaada of flaadlBf have bee •a Uaefleacy, that 1 ntber with a V ALII, went kind and at so strong is nynuta BOTTI.raFKU.te- th t* dissent* MRS VfRIBS AtL CUC rxHS. BCBtCboffh Byron. IMKiptd. Use In time. Bold by crogeiata. 6-page, ort*hua. bumeiws and literary pa- jo anv adJres? 4 weeks for fourS-cent ftt&mps» Add re** J. U. MI^LE'f. ISO Waah. ft.. t'hlcac» - jar** sized, very lively weekly nrcBm - Chicago Journa G WHITNEY & R G A N S f xcel All (><'if-ve lit s«n<S Do* rabUliy, HI best iisaiilon. iS ^ttil tor • of tit»\v style* Whitney A Holme* Orc*n Co.. Q :i'K ¥.lt) AGEXTS! BvT>OHk. AGEi^i! SUNLIGHT'NDSHADOW JohnB. Gough-m We want IfMSO more "sr.! to sell this fanon* bonk." Eveiyoae la-i-xlis and crit* it. Tens of ihoii«ands» ate now waiting for it. Ministers, BET "flirf. speed it. The finitpe?-£.nce cause is now " hrxyniwi, and this is pesfl " •eUlBg-book nw Now it the time to wo-k for J; de&**ry. Send for circular and our l&ra*,' 4*6. WETTLETON A" CC - • *. CtarL St., Uiira/o. Ill* fUC PCQT Magazine i r i C D C O ' T w o D o l l a r s . Demorest's Illustrated Monthly. Sold bv xll N w«lealer« and Fos ma«te>£ Komi inWtv tents Kir u *peciti>eit eo|iy to \V.J KNN1N tislVK. VI OKESY/PUBLWRT 17 E. l-lthM-, New lo.k. tM"The New Votume (19) commences with November. Send FIFTY CEKTS far three months; it will satisfy you that you can subscribe Two Dollars far a year and get ten times to value. BM or -^1 WSJ. ROOK IwiUHUHtf wC Han* ae Maa* ifSSK. AdfiSii mm «amiAii.Timfi.9Hto.! YOUR , Club 13 of , the Mutual _ 1 nvtttHMit • offer* the surest means of making tsfrouilu vest men tsofSIVti lintem r gets rts sent Club 13 paidslisrebotdero UKktbetr meragiM east three months. Mil toKlS 6H*il»l amon»i ;. nntaMceorreamtMenia B. KuiMiUrOk. CANNI Mchts., IT? * n» La saiie st., CNICASOK- -..i -- . i i. tn " i I'ff.i i i .--nuiia yifriPTOPlEB A MM • jLJLw' %y.CUSî MC||pSi $10 YOtraCAPIXMk* $20 STOCKS •fctfRt! WE ORCSS TMJ9$AaOJ#ta MOURNING, « BeoaaSi there are so aiaay tbosaands of n£ follow mortals safetin^*** djt*g b« eared by nsiac Ask druggists for it, or wnte to jdr. o. n. sys na. 168 MADISON ST.. CMICM0. ILL, For full infonsaMoa, teaUmoui^ls^ eta.. Vat tkls aat aaw, far this Ctrl will be sf valac ta jrsa. t3T Kame this paper when writing. r Magio Lanterns OnMomif lto 1 I foOIJIs wom«ft«itaimwxk «lMant chromo ana pnf «lMrant . A . Oar circtdars tell bow to obtain it Murray Hill Pub. Co., 129 E. 2th tfe, Ik Y. MASON ft HAMUN COMPETITION for .SIXXKKN mKMq^tliW fflSSSZ&tSSkfZ pafs 3K'I power, with best quality, forpopmq and sivular music in schools or famiMo " OXK HliNDKKD OTHKK U;.«72,*78.»93.«M ard. The iararr «iv2« ar* and nuri quo other Organ*. ItATKD PIANOS jjnjxrrtant̂ rî ôrementx̂ Misif to powtf MM Mpay of tone quarter at notch a* othmr /Vftmot, CI KClfLARS, with full partici THE MAtONVnill PIANO CO.. tUTnmaot UU>a. N. York; 1«9 Wall 'tW (HHWI, 49 R» A«a.wcaKa. MTTaU partiealan to Mai tree Meftcins THE MUY utMcmt oa. lUwa'm *. Oa aeoeant ef ooanteifaHstwa lew Wrapper; the only ceaeiBe. . -r JSSjbj; C.N.D. WHEN WK1TUVU TO ADTbKTl!<BlM. . vleaw say yw* saw dw aiiiillifwi , • t . " ; .7 •.% V' ;-i«» . . .