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,. Vi..mUu..i «i»j . i «npi111 R j t. ; ' 1 1 & • < ' •H &£&ij l i .. s«fl"*ij»> »'.S.f ^ • r*-. v*';5H. *":£- "L*.- '* * f->- 'r " * V' »:- <" To t^HriftpoNUEirra. ,' All •*af»aio»a<*» pMlM bf lb* n«m» «T KM «^>." VBP*lHVVPP*» ta>lMU*n»ailtxfc*<a: •IMM iMMWft Hot neCMUrll/ fot W«~d fulth on tba pari i ^pjl <td< o( thw |wp»r. B', MM! distinct. I TBI GLORIOUS DAY# OF ccm 1 remember. I remes Karri hliotot; • where tlw mo* in at nuht tctffie wlMfbe'cr the lire was oak ' When ITT* had gone away; ,, Bar, no* 1 wish that icy ninthly ,*- j WMM come again to stay. > f ^ i ' rff-Wroeniber, I remember. The nooes red and white. The froxen ears that, tingled mr- Oh! what a cooling sight! The snow-house that my brother boijpt And where I used to He Uptil my bones were quito congealed-- * Oh, would it now were nigh! • I remember, I remember, ̂ Where I waa wont to skate; Si The pond waa smooth as glist*ntag -CUM Whereon I broke my pate. My buoyant spirit, then so light, Is hot and heavy now, _/ , And summer's pool can no more ooat? The fever on my brow. ». I remember, I remember, "• , ; The cold and icy church: I used to think the minister Would freeae fast to his percn. , 4 •• ; .1 Those frigid days have passed away,: . And now 'tis little joy To feel that I'm much nearer beat. Then when I was a boy. V; '-New York Mornind Journal' CONQUERING A HUSBAN^V "Uncle Phil has been lecturing me •gain!" exclaimed Mrs. Marian Dykes, 'as her husband came liome to tea one evening. "I cannot, and I will not, jstand it an^longer," and the young wife dropped into a chair as though the last remaining portion of her -strength had left her. " What was the subject of the lecture, my dear," inquired Mr. Dykes, with a cheerful smile, as though he did not re­ gard the situation as at all desperate. "You know very well that Uncle Phil Ins but one subject." " . "And that is extravagance, or the re- l^rse, economy," abided Mr. Dykes. • "Of course that was the subject of tne lecture; and you always take his side of the question. Uncle Phil has ten times as much influence with you- as I have. Whatever he says js right, and whatever I say is wrong," retorted Mrs. Dykes, rather warmly. "If supper is ready, I think we had letter attend to that next; and we shall feave the whole evening to discuss Un­ cle Phil's lecture. The subject will wAATt fA|> AlL'lllla " : "But Uncle Phil wffl be here to take - part in the discussion; and that is just what I don't want. He overshadows me entirely when he says anything, and I might as well hold my tongue as «g>eak," pouted the wife. "Uncle Phil will not be here, Marian, K is half-past six, and he has td go to a church meeting at seven." "Very well, but I am going to have iomething done this time. I won't have iOncle Phil here any longer. If he is to stay in this house I shall not." Mrs. Dykes was very young, and her ttgry pout, as she sailed out of 'the loom, made her look decidedly pretty; at least so thought her husband. But .before she was. fairly out, the door opened and Uncle Phil came in. The 'door was ajar and he must have been in •Hie hall during some portion of the lady's severe remarks about him. But lie looked as placid as though earth had BO sorrow for him. He was a man of Afty, though his hair and beard were ,, Trhrto fjione.li fog-seventy. ; He did notseem like a man who could Jbfi very disagreeable if he tried.He had A deaconish look about his face, that of a serious though not austere man. lOertainly no one would have taken him lor a shipmaster, but he had spent most oi his life at sea or in foreign parts, fie used to read the Bible to his crew «erery Sunday, and neve# allqw any ^wearing or other bad language in his presence on board ship. Though he Was a "psalm-singing skipper," no cap- jtain was ever more popular with his men than Captain Dykes. i Uncle Phil had been married in early ltte, but his wife died while he was ab­ sent on a long voyage. He had recently given up the sea, and retired to his na- jtive town, now an important place of III * 10,000 inhabitants. He found himself pf; ' - a stranger there, but at his own request His nephew had taken him as a boarder. *'jj| • The gossips were not a little bothered >•^1 to determine whether the retired ship- a&aster was rich or poor. He engaged In every church and benevolent enter- prise, and contributed moderately of jps * ' , this means. V- ' Charles Dykes had opened a store in ** Trippleton a year before, and everybody lf» thought he was doing well. Mrs.'Dykes Wrought so, though Charles himself in- Cv ' ' fisted that he was not making money jjvs, ^ jijery rapidly; hp could not tell how 'J ^ , much until lie balanced his books and '•;v* look account of stock. In the main he "V Was a prudent and careful young man, or at least was disposed to be so. {'l ' i -i Uncle Phil made a hasty supper, and k~ " <ttien went to his meeting. He acted jjtist a little strangely for him, though {the smile had not deserted his face. He ttaid less than usual, and seemed to be thinking very earnestly about some- iMiirig: l- "Do you suppose he heard what I "d, Charles?" asked Mrs. Dykes,wh^n nele Phil had gone. "I think not; but you ought not to say linything behind his back that you ^fould not say to his face," replied the liusband. "Uncle Phil is a good man, $ne of the salt of-the earth." M "He is altogether too salt for me. If should put too much salt in the , j&oughnuts, you would not like them. fl^Jncle Phil is Salter than Lot's wife." ; "I am sorry you don't like him, 'Marian.*' ' *• J "I can't like a man who is continual- •*-|y tripping me up, and lecturing me /!%pon economy. You ought to know ^better than he does what you can af- ioid." "I am sure that nothing but his in- , ,.v , (erest in us proiqpts him to'say any- ";*j'if i|thing. If one means well almost any- ; v- * thing can be excused." * (t Jrr$ "When I said that I wished you would ' ̂ ... "But he never said horse to me in his life. I can't afford to keep a horse." "Yes, you oan, Charles. They say that vou are doing more business than Tinkliam, and he keeps two horses; and bis wife looks patronizingly down upon me from her carryall when she meets me in the street," added Mrs. Dykes, with considerable bitterness in her tone. "I know nothing about Tinkham's business, and I do know something about my own," replied Mr. Dykes. Before the supper things were re moved Charles Dykes had promised to buy a horse and buggy. It appeared to be the only way in which he could in duoe his wife to allow Uncle Phil to re­ main in the house. Doubtless he was weak to yield the point against his own judgment. In the evening 'Squire Graves made a friendly call. Mrs. Dykes was very glad to see him, for he had a lady's horse to sell. It was just the animal she wanted, and as she had conquered her husband once that day, she intend- ep to have the horse trade settled that evening "Glad to see you, 'Squire; anything new ?" the young merchant began, do ing the usual common-places. There is news, but I suppose you have heard it," replied the visitor. I haven't heard anything: what is it?" ' 'Haven't you heard that Tinkham has been attached ?" "Tinkham! Is it possible?" exclaimed Mr. Dykes, glancing at his wife. "It's a fact; a keeper was put in his store this afternoon, and an attachment put, on his horses and carriages." "That was all because he kept two horses when one was enough for him," interposed Mrs. Dykes. With her the moral was between two horses and one. Before the squire left he had sold his lady's horse. Mrs. Dykes was per­ fectly happy, and her heart began to warm even toward poor Uncle Phil. When the retired shipmaster came in from the meeting, there were a dozen things she wanted to do for his comfort. The lady had beaten her husband and his uncle, and she was satisfied. Before breakfast the next morning Squire Graves' man led the horse over and put him in the little stable. One of the clerks was to take care of him. Uncle Phil saw the purchase, but he said nothing unpleasant. He looked the animal over, said he was worth the hundred dollars te be paid for him in goods from the store. Marian even though she liked Uncle Phil then. He did not prophesy any evil or disaster. After breakfast the lady thought she would drive over to her father's, in the next town. She returned in season for dinner. But Uncle Phil did not comedown to that irfeal. The lady rang the bell a second time, but with no better result. Uijele Phil evidently did not hear the bell, for he never kept the table waiting for him. The door was wide open, and she went in. The shipmaster was not there. His trunk was not there; the picture of the Seabird, in which he had sailed many a voyage, had been taken from the wall. Was it possible that Uncle Phil had gone without even saying good-bye to them ? There was a letter on the table. It was addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dykes." With the letter in her hand she hastened down to the din­ ner-room. To say that she was aston­ ished and chagrined, would not half ex­ press her feeling. "Uncle Phil had gone!" she exclaim­ ed. "He has left for good, bag and baggage." She tossed the letter upon the table, for she had not the courage to op%n it. "Then I suppose you are quite satis fled, Miu-ian. You have got the horse and gotr rid of Uncle Phil," said Mr. Dykes, greatly grieved to learn that the worthy man had gone; and he saw that he must have heard he impulsive words of Mrs. Dykes the evening before. Mrs. Dykes dropped into her chair at the table, and burst into tears. Just as she had become reconciled to the boarder, he had fled without even a word of explanation. She intended to treat him with the utmost kindness and consideration, as a'noble warrior treats a fallen foe. Just then she felt as thought she would be willing to lose the horse to regain Uncle Phil. Charles opened the letter. Iff was very short, but there was not a particle of bitterness in it. He should still pray Will three thousand put you on your I feet, solid ?" I THE TOBIES. "Yes,air; but I can't raise three hun­ dred." ̂ "I will give you a check for three thousand in the morning. I will be at the store at eight o'clock. I noticed that you have looked worried lately; but you said nothing to me." "I could not say anything to you, un cle; and I cannot take your money, af­ ter what has happened." "Nothing has happened yet, and with the blessing of God, nothing shall hap pen." Uncle Phil would not understand him. "You may help me on one condition,1" added Charles, after some discussion. "And that is that you will come back and live with us." Marian joined in insisting upon this condition, and the good man yielded. He used no reproaches; he would not even say, "I told von so." The note was paid the next day, and in the even­ ing Uncle Phil was domiciled in his old apartment, quite as happy as the young people. 1 Charles sold the lady's horse, the bug- gy, the piano, and other extras, and re­ duced all his expenses to a very reason­ able figure. Marian was happy again, and did not believe there was any too much salt about Uncle Phil. She had given up the business of conquering a husband. In fact, both of them have come to believe that neither should conquer, or try to conquer, the other. After a while it came out that Uncle Phil was worth at least fifty thousand dollars. Doubtless the church and the missions will get some of it; but it is probable that Charles Dykes will be remembered, though both he and his wife sineerely hope that the good man will live till he is a hundred.--Gooo Cheer. The Second Greatest Mao* are united in the opinion as to which is our best month, we are equally of one mind who was the greatest man that the United States has produced. That has become a traditional article oi belief. But the question now is who was the second greatest man ? This is a question which the drawer refers to the autumn and winter debating socie­ ties for solution. It will be a good ex­ ercise for the young gentlemen and young ladies--for we remember what age we are living in, that we are living in a grand and awful time, and perhaps it TURS a woman--to bring forward 'their, candidates for the second honor, and to refresh the mind of their audiences with the virtues of these rival claims to greatness. The question is an old one, for we learn in Judge Curtis' able "Life of James Buchanan" that it was asked in 1833 in the Alexander Institution, in Moscow. In one of his letters Mr. Buchanan says that he heard the boys examined there, and to the question, who was the greatest man that America had produced? a boy promptly an­ swered, "Washington. But on the second question, who was the next in greatness, the boy hesitated, and the question never has been answered. The same boy, who might have settled this question if he had not hesitated, was asked who was the celebrated ambassa­ dor to Paris, and instantly answered, as if he had been in a civil service examina­ tion, Ptolsmy Pliiladelphus. But he at once corrected himself, and said Frank­ lin. And the Drawer thinks that Frank­ lin wouldn't be a bad second to start on. --The Easy Chair in Harper's Maoa- tine. The lime to Cut limber. Mr. Edmund Hersey, member of the Massachusetts board of agriculture, has been making some experiments with white birches cut at different seasons, and with the following results: He cut lot of birch wood in August, and, without splitting, piled it up in the open air for fuel. The next spring he cut another lot, and also piled that in the weather without splitting. Both lots were overhauled in the following July or August. The lot which had Re­ mained in the pile a whole year was found perfectly sound and made good fuel, while that which had been cut in the spring and had been piled only about four month was practically worth­ less. Dr. Jabez Fisher, of Fitchburg, understands this difference between lumber cut in winter and summer so well that he eontracts for all his grape­ vine posts to be cut in August. The finest railroad ties we ever saw, says for them, and desired to do all he could* ^Tlte N<m> England Farmer, were cut |teep a horse so I could ride out every »<i. «'iday or two, he read me a lecture half pa hour in length. Whether he heard <£ue or not, I said just what I meant. ^Jfou must get him out of the hbuse in • feome way, Charles. Take your clerk to board, and tell your uncle you must I'yi^iiave the room." ̂ "If I tell him to go, I shall tell the tv; treason why I do so." f g : , . " I a m w i l l i n g t o b e a r a l l t h e b l a m e . ;y . X don't want' any one in the house to 'come between me and my husband," . .paid the lady with a deal of spirit. •J 'r "Uncle Phil does not come between you and me,.Marirn. That is absurd. I"I have asked you, and even begged a dozen times, to keep a horse, yeade Phil takes sides with you against ••trallsThtii ' *hafc"s%!w >u«Uk to serve and make them happy. "I will go to him and beg him to come back, Charles!" exclaimed the weeping wife. You will never forgive me." "I am very sorry he has gone, but I will not hate you, Marian. We will call upon him this evening at the hotel." They did call. Uncle Phil was ex­ actly the same as he had been before. He was glad to see them, and there was not a particle of change in his tone or manner. Both Charles and his wife tried to say something about his leav­ ing their house; but he headed them off every time. He would not permit the matter to be mentioned. They went home, unable even to get in nn apolyy. Both of them missed the kindly words and wholesome advice of the good man, though Mrs. Dykes would not ac­ knowledge it. His good influence upon both was lost. Even Charles became reckless in his finances The close of Tinkham's store brought more business to the young merchant for a time, though Ine bankrupt's suc­ cessor soon made things exciting for him. A ruinous competition followed. No longer restrained by Uncle Phil's prudent counsels, Charles branched out, and grasped more than he could han­ dle. At the end of the year the balance* sheet was not pleasing to look upon. Then followed a reckless attempt to recover lost ground. Notes at the Trip- pleton Bank became very troublesome. One of them was given for a new piano. People said Dykes was living too fast. The young merchant was worried. He had yielded to one extravagance and there was a long train behind it. His next balance-sheet showed that he was three thousand dollars in debt, and his stock was not worth half the sum. He saw that he must fail. Af­ ter supper, one evening, he told his wife all about it. It would be a terrible humiliation to fail, as Tinkham had; and poor Marian wept as though her heart would break. In the midst of the scene Uncle Phil walked into the room, as he always did, without the ceremony of knocking. He often called. "Uncle Phil, I am going to fail, for I cannot pay a note of four hundred dol­ lars that falls due to-morrow," said Charles, bitterly, when he saw that he could not conceal the facts from the good man. "How much do you owe in all, Charles ?" asked Uncle Phil. "About three thousand dollars," groaned Charles. in summer when the trees were in full leaf. The wood seasoned very rapidly, and, when handled, had a ring to it like steel when struck with a hammer. We are not ready to recommend the cutting of all timber and fuel in summer, but we believe that farmers should know what the effect upon lumber is when cut at different seasons of the year. It would seem that there is no way in which thu wood of a tree can be relieved of its sap so thoroughly, and be left in sc sound a condition, as when the sap goes out through the leaves, or through tlu pores, during the Reason of full leaf. A Healing not (fronted. Old man Nincumpoop is remarkable for t>eing the most silly man in Austin and at the same time he is exceedinglj deaf. A stranger was introduced to hiir last week, and, after some conversation becomes very much d isgusted, and, meet ing Gilhooly, asked: "What the mischief is the matter witt that old man ? He seem to be botl silly and deaf." "You have hit it precisely," replied Gilhooly. When he was young h< prayed to the Lord to give him somt intellect, but the Lord never grantee him a hearing."--Texas Siftings. THE peach-growing center is gradu­ ally moving South. A few years age there were great orchards in New Jer­ sey. Then Delaware was the chief pro­ ducer. Now Maryland and Virginia are coming to the front. The largest peach farms are in Maryland. The Eound- Top farm has 125,000 peach trees. On the estate of Col. Watkins there are 120,000 trees. A peach tree's usefulness is over after ten or twelve years of life, and the soil in which it grows is unfit for peach culture. SAD, indeed, is the spectacle of the youth idling away the springtime ef his existence, and, not only "losing the sweet benefit of time," but wasting, in the formation of evil habits, those hours in which he might "clothe himself with angel-like perfection.--Landon. NEWS item in a Tennessee paper: "A dog killed a woman near Scott's Hill on Sunday. Further particulars next week." A VERY large devil-fish was caught at Port Royal recently. It measured six­ teen feet across, and is reported to hav weighed two tons. _ • WhMe tfce Nuw Originated AM latomt- liiff Scrap of History. rPall Mall OaietteJ ; In Dr. Joyce's "Origin of Irish Names ,of Places"--of which a fifth edition with an additional volume has been pub­ lished this year in Dublin, and with which no tourist in Ireland should fail to provide himself--apropos of the derivation of the word "Tory," which appears in "Tory Island," off the coast of Donegal, and in two "Tory hills," situated in Kilkenny and Limerick, may be found (vol. 11, p. 50,) the most complete account yet published of the origin of the name: Tory is an Irish word, anglioized pho­ netically like most Irish terms; and the original form is toruidhe, the pronun­ ciation of which is very well preserved in the modern spelling*; tory. Its root is toir (tore), pursuit; and toruidhe is literally a pursuer--one who hunts or chases. There is still another deriva­ tive,toruidheacht, an abstract noun, sig­ nifying the act of pursuing; and all three terms are in. common use in the Irish language. We have, for instance, a woll-known Irish romantic tale called "Toruidheacht Dhiarmada agus Ghrainne," the pursuit of Dero^at and Grania. " " In the time of the Irish plantations of the sixteenth and seventeenth oen- turies, great numbers of the native Irish who were dispossessed of their lands took to the hills, woods and bogs and formed themselves into bands under the leadership of their principal men. From their wild retreats they made de­ scents' at every opportunity on the open country, drove off the cattle of the set­ tlers, and seized on all sorts of movable property they could lay their hands on. These men were called" tories--hunters or pursuers; for they chased every- thihg--the wild animals on which they ^partly subsisted, the herds of the set­ tlers, and the settlers them­ selves if they chanced to come in their way. The settlers on their part com­ bined for mutual protection, and vigor­ ously retaliated; and this social war was carried on without intermission in some districts for a long series of years. Many traditionary stories of those dis­ turbed and exciting times are still cur­ rent among the pesantry. In course of time the tories became mere freeboot­ ers, so that at length the word tory lost its original signification among the English-speaking people, and came to signify an outlaw--the first step in its singular change of meaning. It is believed, according to a state­ ment by Defoe, to have been first intro­ duced into England by Titus Oates; for a story went round that certain tories were to be brought over from Ireland to assassinate Oates and some of his supporters; and after this he was in the habit of calling every man who opposed him, even in conversation, a tory; "till at last the word tory became popular." The two terms, whig and tory, came in­ to general use as political designations about the year 1680; but they had previously, as Swift expresses it, been "pressed into the service of many suc­ cessions of parties, with very different ideas attached to them." The word tory is still retained among the peasantry of every part of Ireland in the sense of an outlaw or a miscreant of any kind; and it is quite usual to hear a nurse call a naughty child a* "young tory." They have a nursery rhyifle which preserves this sense very vividly; it is heard with some variations, in all parts of the country; and Crof- ton Croker has given a version of it in his "Researches m the South of Ireland." Til tell y ou a story about Johnny M'Gorjr, Who went to the wood and killed a tory; Brought him home and ate his supper, Weat to the wood and killed another. ' -- ./.t-ir p Kewhaven Fishwkes. Most picturesque of all the figures to be seen in Edinburg are the Newhaven fishwives. With short, full, blue cloth petticoats, reaching barely to their ankles; white blouses and gay ker­ chiefs ; big, long-sleeved cloaks of the same blue cloth, fastened at the throat, but flying loose, sleeves and all, as if thrown on in haste; the girls barehead­ ed ; the married women with white caps, standing up stiff and straight in a point on the top of the head; two big wicker- work creels, one above the other, full of fish, packed securely, on their broad shoulders, and held in place by a stout leather strap passing ronnd their fore­ head, they pull along at a steady, strid­ ing gait, up hill and down, carrying weights that it takes a man's strength merely to lift. In fact, it is a fishwife's boast that she will run with a weight which it takes two men to put on her back. By reason of this great strength on the part of the women, and their im­ memorial habit or exercising it; perhaps also from causes far back in the early days oi Jutland, where these curious Newhaven fishing folk are said to have originated, it has come about that the Newhaven men are a singularly docile and submissive race. The wives keep all tlie money which they receive for the fish and the husbands take what is given them--a singular reversion of the situation in most communities. I did not believe this when it was told me, so I stopped three fislierwives one day, and, without mincing matters, put the question direct to them. Two of them were young, one old. The young wo­ men laughed saucily and the old wo­ man smiled, but they all replied, un­ hesitatingly, that they had the spending of all the money. "It's a' spent i' the hoos," said one, anxious not to be thought to selfish--"it's a' spent i' the hoos. The men, they cam home an' tak their sleep, and then they'll be aff agen." "It 'ud never do for the hus­ bands to stoop in tha city, an' be ^pendin' a* the money," added the old woman, with severe emphasis. A Thirteenth Century Burglary Preven> tive. "By the way," said a New York man of a collector of the curious, "he had a weapon which I believe to be unique; it dates from the thirteenth century. It consists of a round shield of hammered iron about eighteen inches in diameter, containing a very powerful brass spring, which the owner winds up before marching out to meet his antagonist. His aim is to rush to close quarters, and, as soon as the shield touches his opponent, to let the spring go. Upon doing this four curved knives, like broad sickles, flv out and revolve with great force and rapidity. This is the machine for which the collector had the greatest affection; he used to keep it by his bedside to disembowel burglars with. But as he used to say, 'they would never drop in.' Did you ever hear of a 'devil's hat?' Well, he had one of them, and a visitor of his nearly lost his ears by putting it on one night while waiting for him. It was a com mon-looking stiff beaver hat externally, but after you had it well settled on your head razors and similar instruments projected inward from the sides, and jovl couldn't get it off without tremen- AMEBICAHFi curious I dous sacrifices. This last blood-curdler was constructed by a Russian hatter for an enemy; but the tradition goes that the intended victim got wind of it, and as the hatter was about to put it on him, the fellow seized it and clapped it on the maker's head."--New York Sun. The Blue-Grass Country. The blue-grass country is reached by traversing central Virginia and Ken­ tucky along the line of the picturesque Chesapeake and Ohio railway, unless, indeed, one prefers the swift and solid Pennsylvania route to Cincinnati, and drops down to it from the north. On this particular journey, at any rate, it was reached past the battle-fields and springs of Virginia, and up and down the long slopes of the Blue Ridge and gorges of the Greenbrier and Kanawha, in the wilder Alleghanies. It is found to be a little cluster of pecularily favored counties in the center of the State. Marked out on the map, it is like the kernel, of which Kentucky is the nut; or like one of those "pockets" of precious metals happened upon by miners in ther researches. The soil is of a rich fertility, the surface charming­ ly undulating. Poverty seems abolished. On every hand are evidences of thrift corresponding with the genial bounty of nature.' A leading crop in times past has been hemp, and land that will grow hemp will grow anything. This is being more and more withdrawn in favor of stock-raising exclusively, but the tall stacks of hemp, in shape like Zulu wigwams, still plentifully dot the landscape. # One drops into horse talk immediate­ ly on alighting from the train at Lex­ ington, and does not emerge from it again until he takes his departure. It is the one subject always in order. Each successive proprietor, as he tucks you into his wagon, if you will go with him--and if you will go with him there is no limit to the courtesy he will show you--declares that now, after having seen animals more or less well in their way, he • proposes to show you a HOBSE.- Fortunately there are many kinds of perfection. He may have the best horse or colt of a certain age, tlie one which has made the best single heat, or fourth heat, or a quarter of a mile, or average at all distances, or the best stallion or brood-mare, or the one which has done some of these things at private not public trials. Each one has, at any rate, the colt which is going to be \ the great horse of the world. This is I out of the dust," replied the wheel, and an amiable vanity easily pardoned, and it made for the grass. It next decided A atn« with Mends to • rat who had grown fat and sleek and nested undisturbed in a peasant's corn-crib was one day visited by a beg­ gar, who inquired: "How long since you have had any cheese?" "Cheese? Why I haven't even smelt the article for a year." "Ah, me! but you must be a rat not to help yourself to cheese. - wouldn't stand it a single hour if I were in your boots. You will never be happy rat unless you have cheese." . After the beggar had gone the rat got to thinking the matter over. He was fat, content, and safe, but now that cheese had been mentioned he felt that he must have a taste. He left the corn- crib and went nosing about until he dis­ covered a piece of cheese hung to a wire. He rushed for it, heard a click, and turned around to find himself in a trap and to hear the peasant call out: "Ah! here is another rat who didn't know enough to remain in the corn-crib." MOBAL--Let corn enough alone. THE TWO CITIZENS. A citizen having painted the front of his grocery, hung out a sign bearing the word "Paint." "Ah! So you have been painting??, queried the first man who came alonff. "Yes, sir." " "Is it fresh paint "It is." •'</' . "Will it rub off?'* • ' "It will." * "Ah! yes--I see--so it does;" contin­ ued the man, as he rubbed his hand wer the the boards, and brought it away covered with daub. MORAL--Never leave a fellow-man tQ find out anything by rubbing his back against it. THE WHEEL AND THE WAGON. Upon ail occasion one of the front wheels of a wagon became sulky and obstinate, and called out to the other part of the vehicle: "I am tired of being dragged around as if I had no mind of my own, as the tongue bends I must follow, and I am alwavs behind it. I not only have a mind of my own, but unless lean here­ after run this business I shall refuse to move." The driver of the vehicle thought the matter over and finally told the wheel to go ahead. The first thing I shall do is to get the enthusiasm is rather catching. A man's stock is greatly to his credit and standing in this section while he lives, and when he dies is printed prominent­ ly among the list of his virtues.--W. H. in Harper's Magazine, What Was Seen in Rome. As we drove through the principal street, containing the residences of' Rome's first citizens, I read several names on the door-plates, and were de­ lighted to know that such families as Brutus; Caius Fabricius and Appius Claudius were still in existence, though the founders had been dead several years, at least so Lucius Junius in­ formed me. '•And whose residence is that?" I asked, drawing attention to a stately mansion which was occupied, and hav­ ing a large card displayed in the win­ dow, witfi "To Let. 700 lires per month." That, Signor, is the home of the younger Casca, but he is an envious, miserly man, and can never get' a ten­ ant, he makes the rent so large." "Is he the the son of the Casca who made the rent in Caesar's garment?" "He is, Signor, and the trait runs in the family." "Thank you," replied I, handing Lu­ cius a lire for being so truthful. Our guide now conducted us to the Roman Museum, where we viewed the numerous curiosities so well known in history, but only observable to a few. Lucius Junius pointed out a large glass case containing a flock of seven stuffed geese, headed by a solemn-looking gan­ der. "And pray, what does all this mean, Lucius?' asked I of the guide. "These, Signor, is what saved the city." And what is that garment hanging on yonder peg?" The toga of the illustrious Caesar," he replied. vr ^ "What are those auger bits on the shelf, there ?" "Those, Signor, are the four augurs that interpreted omens." [NOTE.--Latin scholars will under­ stand the augur statement.] "What are those wax figures arrayed in white," said I, pointing to a row of six or eight lay figures ranged against the wall. "The vestral virgins-, Signor." "You haven't got any Sabine women in your collection, have you, Lucius ?" "No, Signor, they were all carried away several months ago." "What are those two wax babies?" General Pratt spoke up and inform­ ed me that they were Romulous and Remus. "Where is the wolf?" I asked of Lu­ cius. "They are feeding him, Signor, in the back yard."--Boston Courier, Broad Wagon Tires. . - " ' A farmer who had used a wagon with broad tires on the wheels long enough to ascertain their relative value as compared with norrow tires, writes: A four-inch tiro will carry two tons over soft ground with greater ease to the team than a 24-inch tire will carry one ton. The wheels are not so much strained by stones and rough tracks on the road, and the road is not cut up, but, on the contrary, is packed down and kept smooth. The prevalent idea that the draught is increased by widen­ ing the tire is altogether baseless; on the contrary, a wide tire reduces the draught. The extra cost of tWtires is repaid many times over every year in the extra work that can be done by a team. An Unfortunate Family. The Lampton family is in one respect one of the most unfortunate in Austin. They have lost by death five or six children, but the births are pretty much in th^"ratio of the deaths, so that the family is far from being childless. A few weeks ago there was another death in the family, and the undertaker's as­ sistant called at the house. A small boy met him at the door. - "Is your pa in?" "Whatdoyou want to see him about?" "I want to ask him when the funeral will take place." "You needn't see him then at all, if that is all you want. I can tell you that. Pa always buried us at four o'clock in the afternoon."--Texas Siftings. A MIDDLETOWN, N. Y., boy reoently attempted to commit suicide by taking arsenic because has father had promised to chastise him. that it was easier to travel in the weadow than upon the highway, and it balked at every hill and rested so often that little progress was made, and two of the other wheels were finally crowded against the bank and broken. # "Alas! that I did not know better!" sighed the driver, as he jumped down to contemplate the wreck. "One who undertakes to steer a ship from the cook's room will surely bring up on the beach." MORAL--A house where the head isn't boss, wobbles as it runs.-- Detroit Fret Press. How Fast they Stick Hogs In Chicago. We saw a piebald pig grunting and snorting in his pen, a quarreling mem­ ber of a quarrelsome family. Now, what happened to that porker was this: He was suddenly seized by the hind leg and jerked up on a small crane. This swung him swiftly to the fatal door through which no pig ever returns. On the other side stood a man, with a long, glittering knife in his hand. One plunge, of the cruel weapon in his fair, fat neck, and the dead pig shot across a trough and through another doorway, and then there was a splash. He had failed head first into a vat of boiling water. Some unseen machinery passed him along swittly to the other end of the terrible bath, and there a water- wheel picked him up and flung him out on a sloping counter. Here another machine seized him, and with one revo­ lution scraped him as bald as a nut. And down the counter he went, losing his head as he slid past a man with a hatchet, and then presto! he was up again by the heels. In one handful a man emptied him, and while another Bquirted him with fresh water, the pig --registering his own weight as he pased the teller's box--shot down the steel bar from which he hung, and whirled around the corner into the ice house. One long cut of a knife made two "sides of pork" out of the piebald pig. Two hacks of a hatchet brought away his backbone. And then in thirty-five sec­ onds from his last grunt--dirty, hot­ headed, noisy--the pig was hanging up in two pieces, cleaned, tranquiled, iced. Think of it. That poor and most un­ fortunate porker, who, before he had quite made up his mind whether to re­ sent the' first liberty taken with bis l^ind leg, was dead as a door nail, and half a minute later was actually ready for the cook.--Correspondence of Al­ bany Express. .. Got His Tooth PuMed. A deaf and dumb newsman on the Long Island railroad, known for yearB to residents of the island, and usually called by the train hands "Dummy," had been suffering from an aching tooth. One day at Jamaica he tied a string around the tooth, and, just be­ fore a train left the station he tied the string to the rear car. When the train started he ran along behind it until it had gathered headway, when he drop­ ped on his knees. The train carried the tooth to Long Island city. An ex­ pression of pain on his face was follow­ ed by one of delight when he knew the oause of his trouble was gone.--Chi­ cago Herald. Wouldn't Wash. , "Those goods are rather dear, ain't they ?" remarked Mrs. Arminta at the dry goods store to the new clerk. "I think not, ma'am. 'Itey're marked down almost to cost." "But they don't look as though they'd wash." "Eh?" enquired the open-mouthed clerk. "They dont look as though they'd wash." " , "Lord, no!" replied the olerk, "you'd have to wash them." And the young man wonderd all day what made the young lady flounce out of the store so quickly.--Blizzard. (Jood Advice. The American Farmer says: "Wheti will farmers learn that every snfooth, oily-tongued chap that comes along is not a saint ?. Instances of farmers be­ ing swindled by perambulating scoun­ drels are coming to light more fre­ quently every day. Do not sign a pa­ per, postal card or anything else, when presented by parties who are unknown to you." All of which s well, yet igno­ rant innocents who refuse to take and read agricultural and other papers, will continue to be swindled for .some time to come, if not longer. It oost $6,422,127 a year to partially prevent smuggling in this country. PITH AND POINT. No ONE ever heard corn-stalk ^ • '"'i STILL at the head--hair brushed ' ALWAYS going to seed--Canaries. THE old ticket--A restaurant check. SOMEBODY has said that mean men are the best at guessing conundrums. This comes from the fact that they hate to give anything up .--New York News. THE time of young ladies is divided into two parts. Half of the time they wait for the mails, and the other halt for the males.--Burlington Free Press. "THE celluloid," observed Jenkins meditatively, after he had passed the greater part of two days in trying to get one collar clean, "might better be called a sell unalloyed."--27ie Judge. SUMMER boarders that have been as­ signed to the top floor of old-fashooned farm-houses for a term of weeks unite in the opinion that such buildings are erected on the principal of hide-roast attics. WHY is a thief that is brought into the police court for stealing some books, like the Recording Clerk who makes an entry of the same? One steals the books and the other books the steal.--Carl Pretzel's Weekly. FOB SOUP. "I'm now in the height of the season," ! Said the elevator man; •• - When asked to pive his reason. ' • .•v;-,y.»gThe inquirer he did scan, -"A"-i As he sighed, ^ \ JLike a monk hi a cloister, » • And replied: \ jc.-.v . .. "Because I m a 'holster.*- * . : --Aew York Journal. > * A COUNTRY lad thinks that a city girt wears a red dress out in the field where the cows are grazing just to give her an excuse for climbing a tree when she imagines the cows are going to chase her. These city misses are sometimes so giddy when they get out in the rural districts.--The Dairy. 'DID you have any deviled ham at the banquet last night ?" inquired a mem­ ber of a certain secret society in Aus­ tin. "I don't remember having seen any deviled ham," replied the secret society man, "but I believe the champagne was deviled by the way my head feels this morning."-- Texas Si/tings. "YorR mother-in-law appears to have pain in the side?" "Not at all. She has the toothache." "But every now and thed I see her put her band on her side, as though she felt a pain there.*' "That is because she has put her teeth in her pocket" --Pittsburgh Sunday Telegraph. IN a certain Arkansas dance-house and saloon there is a reversible motto lian0= ing against the wall. At the opening the festivities the motto reads, "God Bless Our Home." But as the evening wanes, and knives and pistols flourish in the air, the proprietor flops the mot­ to over, and it reads, "What Will the Harvest Be?"--Texas S\ftvt^0^* ANTI-J ASPEii 8. Dat nigger Jasper am a fool To 'ny de earth do move, • i , 'Case I, myself, done 'sperienoe A fac' dat I ken prove. * I went up town one evenin" To see a friend o'mine, j- .1^ An' comln' home he 'sposed ton* To tick a glass o'wine. Dat night de worl* was rollin' m, v Like apples in a trough, rf.: ;» I sot right down and hoi' myawL To keep from slidin' off. ' • ' --•Independent, "I WISH our minister wouldn't preach. So awfully long," said his wife. "I am glad he preaches as long as he does," said he. "Now, there you are contrary again. You just say that through spite, because you know that keeps me quiet that much longer." "No I don't, either. I say it because it gives me the only chance to sleep on the Sabbath without being disturbed by your continual talking." "Well, now, you just wait until next Sabbath. I'll not let the children sit between us; and if I can't talk any I can hunch. I'll pay you for talking that way about me, when you know I scarcely ever^talk any." -- Kentucky State Journal. t. Presidents of the Senate. The Vice President of the United States is President of the Senate wheli sitting in that body, but in his absence a President pro tempore is proposed and chosen by ballot. "His office is un­ derstood to be determined on the Vice President appearing and taking the chair, or at the meeting of the Senate after the first recess." (See Jefferson's Manual.) The persons who have pre­ sided over the Senate are: John Ad­ ams, Thomas Jefferson, Aaron Burr, George Clinton, William H. Crawford, Elbrige Gerry, John Gaillard, Daniel D. Tompkins, John C. Calhoun, Hugh L. White, Martin Van Buren, Richard M. Johnson, John Tyler, Samuel L. Southard, Willie P. Mangum, George M. Dallas, Millard Fillmore, William R. King, David R. Atkinson, Jesse D. Bright, John -C. Breckenridge,Hannibal Hamlin, Andrew Johnson, Lafayette S. Foster, Benjamin Wade, Schuyler Col-. fax, Henry Wilson, Thomas W. Ferry, William A.Wheeler, Chester A. Arthur, David Davis, and the present incum­ bent, George F. Edmunds. A Case of Rank Heresy. Bob Gimble is a colored man, and coachman to a certain Austin family. He is of Episcopalian proclivities, and among the other numerous things he keeps is Lent When the solemn sea­ son was raging last year, Bob carefully abstained from eating meat on Friday, and indulged in other ascetic frivolities. One day he unfortunately met Sam Pender, a colored Methodist, and gave him a cut direct. Sam was indignant • at this treatment, and at once demanded an investigation. "Ise no explanation to gib," replied Bob. "Wiff my own eyes I seed yon grease your boots wiff beefs tallow on Friday. Youse no ligious principle in­ ter yer. /Youse a Bob Ingersoll moke, an' if yer spokes ter me agin on da streets, Ise gwine ter flop you on de groun' and stomp on yer, you----."-- Texas Siftings. Quoting Scripture. The following dialogue took place in a certain well-known theological col­ lege : Professor (loquitur); "You are the greatest dunce I ever met with. No^r, I don't believe that you could re­ peat to me two texts of Scripture cor­ rectly." Student (in reply): "Yes ̂ I can." Professor: "Well, do it." Student (feelingly and with much thoughtful consideration): "He departed ana went and hanged himself." Pause. "Go thou and do likewise." KINO HUMBERT has responded to Mr. John W. Garrett's gift of a $30,000 horse by sending him a lot of camels and other useful "critters." The camels are to form part of the attractions of- Druid Hill Park. AMASA SWALLOW, ol Delaware, W offered a reward of $15,000 for the cap­ ture and conviction of the slayer of hii son.