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Sffjtcnn? f latnflcaler I. V*H iLYKE. Editor andPuhlishet. MoHENRY, • - ILLINOIS no, THANK ror. «»L Y JTh^y met wh£n they were girl and •«»««• u i.» niiiOui Oiii; '!«>*. . ^ ^ . -And "Won't you tak" mv p°e top, deaf" Was oil Mmi lie could s*y, *v* - She bit her litt'e pinafore. Close to his si i<- she came. ,, /.."f ,f3She whispered, "No! no, ihankyoa, fiSS Bnt took it all the same. * H'hey met one day, the self snme way, |*'v When ten switt. years bad flown: i Jle paid, "I've nohne bur mv heart. But that is yours alone." -"And won't yon take my heart?" he said, ^ And cnTI vi her by name; * Bhe blushed and paid, "No, thank yon, Tons," But tcok it all the same. ?*knd < wenty. thirty, forty year*, Have broucht them care andJoJT! % Bhe has the little peer-top atlll,""*^ !< He crave her whf-n a boy. "Tve had no wealth, sweet wife," saidh», "I've never bronght you fame;" 6he whispered, "No! no, thank you, Ton* , You've loved me all the same!" ' '--Philadelphia Times. THE OLD WITCH INTHB CHIffiQR. f ive in a litlle old-fashioned honso, 'f own and wrinkled and crabbed and low; a behind the ace, you can easily see, ti " Per the clocks nre atwuys slnw; Tlie doors have each some trick of their own-- There's a tarn otgdfie vTist you can leatn if yon t.'y. } . .. . Botyou ought to havo lived in it all your lit» To know as well as I. "Twas a moral squint, in the bnflder'seye.-- ' Ehe pane in the windows are far too small; Tbereare twists in the very floors; therein beams fa the ceiling and bumps in tbs wall: There are qaeer little cupboards tacked away, , There are iitcplnre bic enough for ten. And the old brick oven, so long disused, . Would bake for a dozen men. Ton may laugh if yon choose, bat I give yon my > word Vhat doors will ope with no one near; In the d?ad of night there are noises heard , Thar. to say the leas', are qu-^er; They may lay it all to a flapping blind. Or the creaking limb of a doo'-yard tree. Bot I know there's a spell on all these things, And it will not let them be. • In a wide half circle en winter nights We draw our chairs to the glowing health. When a weird long call fron the chimney's m< nth .Strikes cold across enr mirth; Mixed wi h shatp -leet and whistling wind. With 'he wild white storm we dimly se\ In thoso winding alleys, steep and blind, llie old witch brews her tea. ".%is the blackest di aught that was ever brewed-- Black with bitter, strange herbs in th? pot; And it's stronger and stronger the longer it's stood, 411 seething and bubbling and ho".; The old en ne smokes her old clay pipe. And upward and outward tnrl the ring-*: She steeps her tea, and she nods her head. And the kettle sings a d sings. The snow purrs soft at th? window-pane, And th" cat purrs close to my ear: Ihave curled myself up on the rag awhile The purring- flames to hear; I heaTd lie old wi eh crooning a song-- . Asone with s cliarm to keep; B waked up thing-" that h -d slept too And it sent m» fast asleep! --i.'liine Gondale in Our Continent. OUZENBERRY'S BACKSLIDIKG. Lish Duzenberry's life tad "been a monotonous and unenventfnl one, and it is not to be wondered at that he thoroughly enjoyed the notoriety at­ tendant cm his conversion at the Friday evening praver-meeting. He was com­ plimented, also, on the success of his repartee in a way that caused him to oh tickle inwardly and regard himself as a man of brilliant attainments. "Wa-al, ye kind o* fixed him that time, hey, Lish?" said one after another ^ his friends, as they jocosely prodded faim in the libs, with canes and timbrel las, until Lish began to wish for anoth­ er chance to meet his antagonist in the . wena of prayer. ' There were certain inconveniences, fcowever, arising from the new state in­ to which he had entered, which worthy Lish found irksome, to say th-• least. Chief of these was the necessity of pro- >. flaring his accustomed supply of liquor ; a a surreptitious manner. * v When a native of good old New England experiences what i9 technical­ ly known as a "change of heart," he tekea his drinks in a drug-store instead of a sa'oon. That is cne of the first outward and visible signs of the inward ---not to say spiritual--grace. There was a druggist in Beanville. Jlehad a store opposite the Poatolfice, and a fine large house on the hill be- yound the cemetery. He owed his for­ tune to his skill in doing up demijohns and packages of l>otth»s so that they .. would outwardly resemble a Aveek's wash or a bundle of groceries. Back of his prescription department was a sloppy room well known to the elect of Beanville. Here liquors were dispensed medicinally, to those who?e conscience forbade visits to Peleg's iniquitious "back room." To this monastic retreat fysh Duzenberry wai wont to resort of Saturday night for a sufficient quanti- w of spirits to enable him to live * through the Sabbath. , One evening as he was plodding along toward home." happy in the thought that the week, with its toil and -anxiety, had ended, he was accosted by •one of his old associates, who was loit- l jfring in front of Peleg's tavern. "Don't see ye so much naow, Lish, es uster. Hain't had no chance to get ®ven with ye at euchre. Why don't ye #ome around 'n' show yeself 'mongst ~ " the boys same's in old times!" „ "We-al," said the regenerate rustic, pausing as he spoke, and carefully de- positiug his bundle on the ground, "the fact on't is, I've been kinder keepin' shady abaout euchre 'n' sich of late. The folks I'm a trainin' with naow $on't take much wtock in cards, 'n' so Tve sorter dropped aout from the ranks. ; Jiut they tell me Al Fitch got wopped *Dut uv his butes t' other night. How ^asit,hay?" An uncanny chuckle, which sounded more like the bubbling of the three witches' pot than a human langh, rat­ tled through the frame of the aged and unconverted sinner, and played over his wrinkled face. "Ye'd ougliter 'a, seen him, Lish!" he exclaimed: "The boys they piled the drinks *n' cigars onto him till we'd all like ter died to see him squirm. Guess it must'a'cost him nigh outer three dollars, 'n' seems ter me that's a leetle dear for au evenin's sport, to say nuth- in' uv hevin' to set 'em up fur the hull . crowd. Wa'al, I'll tell ye. He'd ougliter look mighty keerfill,' at ennv strange deck es a strange crowd deals from. 1 The words, uttered in a peculiar sly manner, and accompanied by an oracu­ lar wink, appealed to old Duzenberry's sense of humor, and caused a smile "of delight to flit over his weather-beaten face. "Sho," be exclaimed, his face on tli« broad grin; "ye hed Peleg's private deftk, hay? Wa al, thet must a' been fun." "It's too bad. naow, Lish, ye've drift­ ed away from us like. I swan I was-a- thinkiog' on ye all the time we was a- dealin', 'n' I says to the boys two or three times, I says: 'How this would sa' tickled Lish.' Naow I'll tell you suthin'. Al's just gone ^n the front way, V the boys is all a-layin' fur him ' •' in the back rootn. Uv course 't won't do fur ye to g'win thar along o' the rest o l us, bnt I really wish ye could see a little uv the sport." "Be they a-goin' to play with Peleg's deck ?" inquired Lish, eagerly. "They be." The regenerate one began to waver The prospect of seeing somebody cheat­ ed was something that appealed strong­ ly to his Puritan instinct, and the same instinct suggested to him an excuse for taking part in the fun. "I dunno," he said, thoughtfully; "but what mebbe I might feel called on to drop in 'n' say suthin' about the paowerful workin's uv the sperret, 'n' haow much better it is ter be saved. Mebbe I might be the means o' doin' some good -uv course I'll take care not ter interfere with the game, fur I don't wanter stop no fun. Be they at it naow t Guess I'll step araound the back way 'n' drop in a second." Lish Duzenberry's reception was hearty and enthusiastic enough to wArm his old heart. He was bidden to a seat at the table: his hat and coat were hung up for him, and, but for his re­ monstrance, a "hand" would have been dealt to liitn at once. He consented to accept a glass of whisky, on the ground that his stomach was "kinder oneasy" and needed a little bracing up. "That's a big turkey ye've got there," remarked Jake Higgins, as the new- eomer carefully deposited on the floor a huge brown-paper parcel, from which protruded two sinewy turkev-legs as an indication of its contents: "What does she weigh ? Lemme heft hor a second," he continued. ~ "N-no, le'be," said Lish, nervously : "Ye'll git,the string offen her, 'n' then I won't be able to get it on agin." The game of "set back" was now in full blast, and Lish an attentive watch­ er of the play of Jake Higgins, who sat next to him. Al Fitch was gitting de- cidelv the worst of it, although Peleg Perkin s "private deck" was not in use. "Wa-al," said Al Fitch, finally: "I don't seem ter hev no hands. If we was only pla} in' poker I might be able to warm some on ye." "Take him up,"* whispered Lish, nudging his neighbor and pointing to the three queers which his hand con­ tained. "1 never was much on polter," said Jake: "I gues3 I'll stick to set back. I'm by." "Lemme play the hand fur ye," said Lish, eagerly; "I'm with ye, Al." Nobody else cared to go in. Lish discarded two cards and drew anothet queen, almost falling oft' his chair al the sight of it. His antagonist drew three cards, and seemed on the point of throwing up his hand. "Wa-al," said old Duzenberrv, recov ering himself with a mighty effort "this hand don't lock quite as big as i< did ; but I guess I kin go a quarte* on't." His adversary skimmed through hi) hand, and said'd he'd go a quarter bet­ ter, just for the fun of the thing. "fm willin' to give ye a dollar, just to keep the game lively," said Lish. "\N' I've got a five-dollar note thai says my hand beats your n," said Al, with a sudden boldness that startled hii antagonist and put a serious aspect on the game. " '>*" I'm ready to warm ye on ten yer butes," said old Duzenberrv, excitedly, as he plumped a ten dollar bill on the table, "Toe the mark there, durnye! Toe the mark!" The silence in the room was so pro­ found that the winks which the differ­ ent members of the party exchanged, were almost audible. Lish mopped Lis flashed face. His adversary slowly un rolled a wad of bills, extracted there­ from the sum of $25, and laid it on th« table. "What ye got?" screamed Lish. as he made good; "show up there, gol durn ye!" Al Fitch obeyed. The old man stared hard at the hand which he unfolded, and then slowly articulated the words: "Straight flush is good." "Guess I'll l>e goin'," he added, as he grasped hi-t parcel. Someone had un­ tied the string. He seized only th«; brown paper, and left exposed to th< view of a;l a two gallon demijohn, tc whose neck were lirinly tied a pair oJ muscular turkey-legs. "Gol durn it all!" he cried,as soon ai he could make himself heard, "I'll plai ye agin, 'n' I'll get even, with the liui' crew on ye. I got converted so's tei s juare with Deacon Elderkin. Naow, by gosh. I'll backslide so's ter get even with this crowd, 'n' 111 do it, too, 'n don\ye make no mistake on't. Pull the cork ou!en that iiesky demijohn." Lish Duzenberrv kept his word.--J L. Ford in Puck. v The Rubbish ef Great Writers. An imaginative writer is almost cer tain to produce much that is worthiest or much that is extravagant in the early stage of his career. He tries iris hand at many thingB, and perhaps fail? more frequently than he succeeds; lie is apt to rush eagerly into print, and tc mistake ambition for achievement This was pre-eminently the case with Shelley. No poet of our century has composed verses more exquisitely mu sical; not one, perhaps, in his finest work has written with more consum mate art. As a boy, however, Shelley had the misfortune to produce some tales scarcely more coherent than the ravings of a madman; and because lie wrote "St. Irvyne" and "Zastrozzi," be­ fore he was 17, these rhapsodical ro­ mances are destined, we suppose, to oc­ cupy a place in every complete edition of his works.--Spectator. LADIES with oily and greasy skint may use, sparingly, a few drops ol camphor in the bath. Borax and glycerine are use with good effect by some people, while thoroughly disa­ greeing with others. Glycerine alone softens and heals, but in time will darken the skin and make it over sensi­ tive ; the borax obviates this and lias a tendency to whiten. No toilet table is complete without a bottle of ammonia. A few drops of this in the bath cleanses the skin and stimulates it wonderfully It is especially valuable in removing the odor from those who perspire freelv Richard Grant White on tlie "Hub." The dome of the Boston State House is the reverenced sign and token, seen from afar, of the only true capital city that is, a seat and center of govern ment, of society, of literature, of art, oi commerce--in all "America." It is in­ deed a mere protrusion heavenward ol the hub of the universe; the globed and gilded tip of that axis arouwd which all that is best in our Western world re­ volves, ever has revolved, and it seems ever will revolve, scecula saicularum. --Century. WHICH MR. JOHNSON I It was nn early hour of the morning, at ' All night had thcvcascmont jassamines To the dancers dancing in tuno." Tliis masquerade was the event of the season.. It had been long heralded and anxiously exj>ected. Great preparations luid been msule for it. The colored aristocracy of Third and Fourth avenues, State, Polk, Harrison a mi Clark sLreeui were represented with its beauty and chivalry. No one was admitted except with costumes and masks, and tickets were $1.50 eacli, so it may be supposed the assemblage was reasonably exclusive. About sixty couple were present, and all came promptly at 8 o'clock in order to have as much fun as possible out of the event. The orchestra was a good one and consisted of six pieces, the first and second violins, bass viol, trombone, har­ monica and bones. When they struck up the march of the "Charleston Blues" the effect upon the assemblage was elec­ trical, and Miss Angeline Lee confided to her partner, Henry Clay Jackson, that "Dat dar music has done set tny soul to wandering already. I wish dey'd get to bizness." After playing four or five verses of that Btirring ballad, which got every heel to rocking in the room, the orchestra stopped, and Mr. John Williams stepped up on the platform and addressed the audience. "Ladies an'genleni," he said, "I-don, 3pose you, all wants to hear no speech from me, or no one else, on de present 'cneion. We all have done met fur 'nutder and 'tirely different puphouse dan lissening ter speeches. An' even if I had de time I couldn't spatiafe sufficiently too keep yer from practicing de steps like voung Mosier in the corner over thah. To 'void all unpleasant complications I, as mas tab of ceremonies fur de ebening, call upon all genlem an'ladies tofohmon fur de gran' march." When the march began it was seen that many very handsome costumes were present, while there was a prepondecance of the grotesque and comic. After the march dancing began in earnest, and was kept up as if they had not another night to live. About midnight a dancer who wore a "Brother Johnson" costume, and had distinguished himself during the evening by his wonderful leaps and contortions, had the l>ad luck to lose his mask, and it was reveaJed to the aston­ ished eyes of those near him that he was a white man. There was an excited rush for the in­ truder, and he was quickly surrounded by a threatening crowd, while a horrified murmur of "a white man" ran through the room. "Whatyou doin'heali, man?" asked a burly fellow costumed as Borneo. ' 'Doan' you know you has 'suited dis gadderin,' hey?" "I was invited to come," replied the culprit, nearly scared to death. Who inwited you?" asked Borneo threatingly. I "Yes, dat's it. Who dar's ter 'suit de ladies dat way?" chipped in a person dressed to represent a Polk street dude' "Who dar'd," was the mutter all around, "to inwite permiskous pussons to dis heah dance?" "Mr. Johnson," replied the intruder, plucking up a little courage as he thought of the justice of his cause. "Johnson! W'at John? WTiah is Johnson! Less see 'bout dis," said Ro­ meo. "Johnson!" exclaimed the dude. "Dat brack cuss always doin' something he no business ter do." 1 - "Johnson!" repeated one of the ladies in a sky blue dress, plentifully trimmed with gilt stars. "Jes tink ob de cheek ob dat Johnson--inwitiug loww'ite trash 'mong ladies an' gentlemen." "His imperdence is 'miff to make a spectable puson ignoli him," exclaimed a rather overfed Juliet. About this time the music ceased and the meml)ers of the orchestra eliml»ed down to see what the trouble was, and a dozen or two hands were thrust in pock­ ets where razors were concealed. "Wi'ch Johnson?" asked a tall, un­ gainly figure, dressed in a poke Ixmnet and hoop skirts to represent Jeff Davis. "Dar's two or free Johnsons, man" "Was if Johnson, de calsominah?" inquired Borneo with a threatening ges­ ture. "Johnson, de barbali?" asked another. "Here he comes now," said the white man in a tone of intense relief, as a large, powerful man, with a make up like John L. Sullivan, elbowed his way through the crowd. "Oh, Billstickah Johnaon," said several. "Dat's all right." "Who dat wants me?" inquired John­ son, doubling up a fist that looked like a boiled ham. "Anybody been pesterik' you, Billy?" he asked of his white friend. "W'y, Mistali Johnson, dat you?" smirked the ladies, who had l»een anx­ iously waiting to see the "white trash" thrown out. "Ef dis gentleman's a freri' of vourn we's glad to know him," said Romeo. "He is a fren'," said Johnson, "an' any brack niggah dat--" The remainder of Iris threat was lost in a rush of'friends who crowded up to shake hands with the best amateur colored pugilist of the city. Then "Bill Sticker" Johnson, with a jiod fo his white friend Billy, walked off with the two belles of the ball on his arms, while the master of ceremonies climbed on a chair and said: "Take podnahs fob de cowtillion and prepah fob trubble!".--Chicago Inter Ocean. Juvenile Labor in Factories. New Jersey has for thirty-three years had a law in the statute books prohibit­ ing the employment of children under ten years of age in factories; but the law has been a dead letter, and over 12,000 children, a large portion of them under ten years of age, are now at work in the seven thousand manufactories and workshops of that State. In 1883 the Legislature authorized the employ­ ment of an inspector io inquire into the condition of the children and report what measures were necessary to en­ force the law. He has made the neces- investigations, nnd he testifies that wherever he has found children em­ ployed in labor beyond their years and strength lie has been shocked by uner ring indications of physical nnd mental ruin and moral degredation. Not only were they dwarfed and stunted in body and prematuiely old, but abnormally ignorant ahd "precociously immoral. Tne direct tendency of the employment of the children in factories is to depre­ ciate the value of adult labor ami re duce the earnings of parents who are able and willing to work. These remarks are true of child labor the world over. It is to the credit of the Tories of England that they suc­ ceeded in passing factory acts putting a stop to the work of children, as it was ruining the race of English working people. The labor of the father ought to 1h? enough to support the wife and children. It is worth remarking here that, although a candidate of the labor striction ought to b& placed upon lhe labor of children In a factory.--Denior- eftt'i: Monthly. A Substitute for Nulls. He had on a suit of clothes that may have been black some years ago; but or. thu occasion it had faded and refiided until it seemed to be a sort of "{jreeneiy- yallery" tone, which changed slightly as the light Btruck it. His hair and board were very long, and upon the for­ mer rested a gum drop Derby about large enough for a boy twelve years old. ' ' j "Good evening," he said politely to the proprietor of the drug store, who thought he had oome in to purchase some deadly poison with which to commit suicide. "What have you got?" inquired a man who was sitting in the place while his prescription was being compounded. "I have something," said the visitor; "that takes the place of noils." He then reached down in his pocket and fished up a piece of card board which had a sort of brass hook running out of it. Tlie man who was waiting didn't see the hook, and when the other said, "This take** the place of nails," re­ marked: "Can you drive that through a board?" "No," responded the petiuler. "Then why do you say it takes the place of nails?" "Because yoacan hang things on it-- see?" Tlie peddler turned the card around so that the man who was waiting for his prescription to be compounded could see the hook. The man saw it, smiled, and said: "That hook is only a quiufter of an inch long. Could I hang my hat on it?" "No; the hook isn't long enough," "CotUd I hang mv ulster on it?" - '•No." "Then of what Use is it?" "To hang things on," "What can you hang on it that won't pull it down?" "Your watch." "I haven't a watch." The peddler kept still for a few minutes, and looked around the store rather vacantly. Then the man asked; "You say that takes tlie place of nails?" "Yes." .. "Suppose I had a thumb nail squeezed off in a door, could I rig thatcard on tlie end of my thumb and be able to get as much satisfaction out of it as I do out of my natural nail? In other words, would it enable me to pick hard knots out of my shoe-strings, and pinch my shoe-buttons into the button-holes, and lift a pin but of the floor-crack?" "You could not." "Then why do you say it takes the place of nails?" ^ "Because it does," "Could you run it through your boot and have it torture your heel?" "No." -- "Then it is not like agnail." "Why isn't it?" "Because you can't hang anything on it" "Yes you can." "What can you hang on it?" ^ "A pair of ear-muffs," replied the ped­ dler. Let me see you hang »a pair of ear- muffs on it." "I haftren't a pair." "Why don't you carry a pair?" "Because my ears were chawed off ten years ago." . Then the man wlio was waiting for his prescription to be compounded said: "You say it takes the place of nails be­ cause you can hang things on it?" "Yes." "Does a clothes-line take the place of nails?" • f "No." "Does a gallows take. the place oi nails?" "No." i "Does a beer-saloon slate take the place of nails?" "No." "But on all those arrangements you can hang things, just as well as you can on these cards. Did you ever hang your ulster up on a slate?" "No." "That chair takes the place of nails, doesn't it?" "How so?" inquired the peddler. "Because you hang on to it so well." "Do you want one of these cards?" "No," replied the man who was waiting for liis prescription to be <5om- pounded; "but I'll tell you what I'll do." "What?" "• "I'll pay for all the poison you can drink." ^ A- • * The drug-man then remarked to the peddler: "Prussic acid is the quickest. Please put down your name and address that I may know you want the deadly poison to kill rats with." The peddler hurriedly thrust his sub­ stitute for nails into his coat, pocket, and shot forth as swiftly as the wind---E. II. Mitnkitric./;. tiirl'a Book Knowledge. Think of an undeveloped brain get­ ting up boakkuowledgeon ten different subjects all the same day, and this going on day after day for several years! It is altogether contrary to the princi­ ples of a sound psychology to imagine that any sort of mental process, worthy of the name of brain thinking, can take place in that brain while this is going on. The natural tendency of a good brain at that age to be inquisitive and receptive is glutted to more than satie­ ty. The natural process of building up a fabric of mental completeness by hav­ ing each new fact and observation looked at in different wayst and having it sug­ gest other facts and ideas, and thus set­ tle down as a part of the regular furni­ ture of the mind, cannot possibly go on where new facts are shoveled in by the hundred day by day. The effect of this is bad on boys, but is worse on girls, because it is more alien to their mental constitutions. --Popular Science Monthly. from Ohii THE century plant, which takes 10( years to ripen in the North, takes but twelvejears to^mature in California, I jng men for' the Pres:dencv, General j j.-i i_ a •_ " | jjenjanain'p. Butler believes that no re and takes only five in Mexico. The Necessaries of Life. A party of '"poor white trash" the South pissed through an town lately, and being hard up. a wo­ man was sent out among the citizcns to make a raise. When she came back with her basket full, the old man <»f tiie gang took it fri>m her saj ing: "\Vhut yer pit?" "Dead eodlins o' eatin' truck. Thar's bread an' meat an' pertaters an' cab­ bage an' most everything." "W'y, ver ornery, good-fur-nothin huzzy, wliat'd yer fetch them fur? Don't yer know we hain't in no lix ter be bavin' lugshui ies? Tote 'em back ag'n, an' tell 'em yer much obleedged but yer want the needcessaries uv life -- git whisky an' terbacker an' quinine." Merchant Traveler. THE Persian proverb "Woo unto the nation where the young have already the vices of age, and the aged retain the follies of youth," might be remem bered profitably by this particular na tton. Some Curiosities of tlie Government. Next to the president of the United States, the best paid federal official is the clerk of the supremo court. The states of Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Nevada, Oregon, Rhode Island arul Vermont have less than one-hali the population of Illinois, but have the same number of representative* in con­ gress--twenty two. Pennsylvania has a larger number of potsi offices than any othu* shite. Not a clerk in the pension office draws less than $1,000 a year salary, the aver­ age for tlie 1,173 clerks being $1.25)1. Even the copyists get $900 a year. These clerks have light lalx>r and short hours. The average salary of the railway post- office clerks throughout the country is only $977 a year. These men work hard, at the most trying labor and have long hoursi. Eighty years ago North Carolina had as nAny representatives in congress as New York. North Carolina now has nine, or one less than she had in 1800, while New York has thirty-four." There are 410 type-setters, besides apprentices in the government printing office. ~ Estimating congress to be in session two hundred days a year, the salaries of senators and representatives amount to about $10,000 a day. The state of Nevada, which has two senators and one representative in con­ gress, has not so largo a population by '217 souls as the city of New Haven, Conn. A number of the United States sen­ ate's employes are put down on the rec­ ords as "skilled laborerr," and draw pay at $1,000 a year, while those who are merely "unslmled laborers" get $840 a year. The distinction between the two is the kind of brooms they manipulate. The "skilled" laborer uses a common broom to sweep stone flagging, while the "unskilled" laborer yields a coarse broom in sweeping carriageways. During tlie past ten years the govern­ ment has expended nearly $70,000,000 in caring for the Indians. The total num­ ber of Indians attached to agencies is only 246,000, and of these 60,000 in In­ dian territory, 7,700 in Wisconsin, and 5,000 in New York are supposed to be at least partially self supporting. Last year the post olliee department used $11,000 worth of ink for stamping and cancelling letters. The five states of Delaware, Colorado, Florida, Nevada and Oregon combined have not so great a population by about 100,000 souls as the city of New York. Yet New York city has but eight repre­ sentatives in congress, while the five states have sixteen, besides their ten sen­ ators. In the fiscal year ended June 30 the government's disbursements for pensions reached a sum which exoeeds by $6,000,- 000 the disbursement for all purposes in the year 18S0. There are in the railway mail service fifteen clerks who draw the salary of $12 a year each. From the five states of New York, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Massachusetts and Ohio the government derives one- half of all its postal revenues. It costs $30,000 a year to light the cap- itol and grounds. More than one-lialf of the internal rev­ enue receipts of the government comes from the four states of Illinois, New York, Ohio and Kentucky. To wait on the seventy-six senators there are 242 employes, not counting polibe, watchmen and librarians. Virginia now has the same number of congressmen she had in 1798, when there were only sixty-five members oi the house. There are several postoffices in the country at which the annual salary of the postmaster is only $1. Postal cards cost the government fifty-four cents and four mills per thou­ sand. "Five hundred and eighty-nine dol­ lars for wines, liquors and mineral waters for use of visitoi*s to raval academy," is an item in last year's expenditures of the government. The pension office expends more than $60,000 a year for investigating alleged pension frauds. At the signal service training school, Arlington Heights, the students of meteorology, barometers and anemom­ eters are compelled to leave their study tables iu tlie exact center of the room, their bunks in a certain position in a cer­ tain corner, their coats hung upon cer­ tain nails, and their text-books piled up in a certain manner before retiring for the night, these and a hundred more similar regulations being prescribed "by order of the chief signal officer." Their Sunday dinner is coffee, bread and dried apples, stewed. After having spent more than a hun­ dred millions of dollars upon its builds ings in the district, the government find-, itself payiug nearly $(5,000 a month for rent of private buildings. The postoftice department uses $80,000 worth of wrapping twine a year. The thirteen states of Arkansas, Cali­ fornia, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hamp­ shire, Oregon, Rhode Lsland, Vermont and West Virginia, with an aggregate jaopulation whioh does notexceed that of New York alone, have twenty-six United States senators to New York's two. Among the expenditures of the gov­ ernment last year was an item, "For manufacturing medals, $25,498.23." It costs the government $187,000, a year to maintain lights and buoys on the Ohio, Mississippi and Missouri rivers. Two-tilths of all the newspapers and periodicals sent through the mails by publishers at pound rates are mailed at New York City. To supply public buildings throughout the country with fuel, light and water requires au expenditure c f $1,000 a day. Seven hundred and fifty persons are constantly employed by the two houses of congress (while in session) in and about thc-capitol. The government has sold more than $200,000,-000 worth of public lands in eighty years. In the last twenty years the govern­ ment has paid for interest on the public debt the enormous sum of $2,089,000,- 000, a sum which would defray all the exj>enses of the government, excepting interest on the public debt, for nearly nine years to wine at the present rate of exj>enditure; and for nearly thirty-five years if expenses could be limited to what they were in 1860. His Trade lictlned. "Can't you find anything to do,' Jim? ' asked one dejected-lookiim loaf­ er of one equally as forlorn. ' Not at my trade," replied Jim, "and I dislike to take anything I don't understand." "What is your trade?" "Keeping flies off the baby while he sleeps."--How­ ard Grip. THERE is a Jewish penman in Vienna who writes 400 Hebrew letters On one grain of wheat. In order to furnish the Emperor with satisfactory evidence of his extraordinary skill, he has written the ^ Jewish prayer for the Imperial family on the narrow edge of an ordina­ ry visiting card. James Buchanan, when minister to England in the autumn of 1853, was pull­ ing every wire to secure the nomination in 1857, yet coyly denying all the time that he wanted to be president. In an unpublished letter of his, dated Septem­ ber 5, 1853, which is in my collection of autographs, he says: "You propounded a question to me before I left the United States which I have not answered: I shall now give it answer in perfect sin­ cerity, without the slightest mental reser­ vation. I have neither the desire nor the intention again to become a candidate for the presidency. On the contrary, this mission is tolerable to me alone be­ cause it will enable me gracefully to re­ tire from an active participation in party politics. Should it please Providence to prolong my days and restore me to my native land, I hope to pass the remnant of my life at Wheatlands, in comparative peace and tranquility. This will be most suitable to my age (now past 62) and my inclina­ tions. But whilst these are the genuine sentiments of my heart I do not think I ought to say that at no imaginable state of circumstances would I consent to be nominated as a candidate." Henry A. Wise told the following story whilo he was in Washington during the know nothing excitement: A negro fisher­ man in Norfolk, Va., came one day to his master and said: "Massa, I want to buy myself free. I got $300, sir; I will pay you dat down, and gib you de rest when I mek um." "Very well, Tom," said his master, "you have been a faith­ ful fellow, and I will comply with your wish." The money was accordingly paid, and the inchoate freedom of Tom commenced. A few days afterward Tom went out to fish, in company with a fel­ low-servant, and there came up a blow which capsized the fishing-smack and drowned Tom's companion. The next day Tom came to his master and said: Massa, I change my mind, sir; I don't want to buy myself any more, sir." "Why, Tom," Baid have already paid your price, and by industry in your profitable calling you will soon earn and pay the residue, and you had better carry out your original intention." "No, massa," was Tom's economical rejoinder, "I radder hab my money back; nigger property too unsartin, sir." Matters were, accordingly, put in statu quo, and Tom abandoned all chance of being a freedman, and quietly and voluntarily returned to the condition of a slave, be­ ing unwilling to fish, on* his own hook, in the troubled and perilous waters of freedom. When General Harrison was inaugur­ ated he was so full of the progress of the old Roman emperors along the Appian way that he refused to ride down Penn­ sylvania avenue in a carriage, but rode on horseback, hat in hand, bowing ac­ knowledgements for the cheers which greeted mm. The weather was very cold, with a sharp northeast wind, yet he wore neither overcoat nor gloves. Ar­ riving at the capitol, he delivered his in­ augural address, which occupied an hour and a half, from the platform built over the eastern steps, standing bareheaded, while those around him, though covered and well wrapped up, were nearly frozen. When he had concluded he remounted his horse and rode to the white house, escorted by the military. It was evident that he wished to show that he was not feeble, if he was old; but all the physic cians expected to hear that he was seized that night by pneumonia. He did not apparently suffer any ill effects, but a month's overtaxing of his physical pow­ ers was too much, and his lifeless re­ mains were escorted along Pennsylvania avenue with great pomp. "The path of glory leads but to the grave." His death completely revolutionized the whig party, which had elected him, and John Tyler; who had been placed on the ticket as vice president to give it strength south, acted in defiance to the wishes of those who had nominated and elected him, bnt failed to receive the election as president w hich had inspired his po­ litical treachery. Tom Corwin told a story during the Fillmore campaign about an old darkey who had caught a fat rabbit, and whose mouth watered at the anticipation of the savory dish it would make. He broke forth with his praises of the rabbit in the following rioh strain, "Ah, Gora mity; rabbit good for eberyting." And then he admired its broad back and musular loins. "Noble rabbit, dat it is. Good for broil, good for eat anyway ? Gora mity!" Just as he got this far in his honest soliloquy the-rabbit sprang from his arms and away he sprang into the woods. "Ah," said the chopfallen nig­ ger "rabbit dry m«at, anyhow." "No­ ble old line whigs!" the democracy said, when they were patting them ̂ familiarly on their backs. "Oh, they will come to the rescue of Buchanan. They are a large and respectable party in everv state. They scorned to coalesce with the native Americans. They will now rally to the support of the democracy. They are good and true men, every man of them." Just at this moment the Bal­ timore convention came off, and lo! the noble whigs declared for Fillmore. Like the old darkey, the democrats exclaim­ ed: "Dry meat, anyhow! Knownoth- ings and nothin' shorter. Financial ({notation. "What are you crying about, little bov ?" asked a kind-hearted old gentle­ man of a little boy who was weeping bitterly in front of the Brunswick hotel, in* Austin. The trembling child ex­ plained between his sobs that his father had given him a nickle with which to make some purchases at a corner grocery for the brutal parent, and having lost the coin, the boy would be beaten and cruelly ill-treated on his return without •:ther the tonic or the money. "Hero, my l ttle boy, here you have another nic kle," and the stranger hand­ ed over the coin, but the urchin still wept, refusing to be comforted. " Why do you continue to shed tears ?" asked the old gentleman. "Because, if I hadn't lost the other liiekle, I would have had two now, and I could have bought me a ten cent cigar." I* ia the general impression m Austin that the first nickle the boy lost was a myth.--Texas Sifting*. The Market for Poetry. Twentv-live dollars for a poem? My friend, this is only a comic weekly. Our contributors would scorn to get rich at our exrense. You may quote prices current for good poems ^-<1 to $15 apiece. Largo consignments at reduced rates.--Art Editor Life. THE Japanese are seriously consider­ ing the utilization of the hot springs near Tokio as a means of producing both heat and power. In a country where the presence of hot springs and the frequence of earthquakes indicate a rapid increase of underground tem­ perature, not a few think that the thing may be quite practicable. IT reqnires ten cars to take $2,500 worth of grain, to market, while the same value of butter can be carried in, half a car. « * PITH AND POINT. UKBT always i you contract it THE motto for tively no credit THK best prescription for a poet--* composing draft. "BEFORE taking"--the thief on fh|| lookout for an opportunity. YOTT think you will shoot deer?" was asked of a sportsman goin out for a hunt "If venison of a gn_ does you can bet I will," was the reply. A RELIGIOUS exchange asks: is the mission of the humorous paper?*? Well, one of its missions seems to be tj( furnish material for non-secular jour­ nals to steal bodily.--Texan Sifdngtt. "O," PROFESSOR!" exclaimed senti­ mental old Mrs. Fishwhacker, durinar a private organ recital in her new music- room, "do pull out that sweet nux vomica stop once more!" "A FARMER'S wife" wants to know if we can recommend anything to destroy * the "common grub." We guess the next tramp that comes along could obligjft- you. if the family can't stand your cook' ing. BLACKSMITHS forge and are allowed to doit. Carpenters do a little countet- fitting and are not molested. Whilfc prominent hardware dealers sell iroll and steel for a living.--Carl PretzeVt Weekly. "DOCTOR, ray daughter seems to be getting blind, and she is just getting ready for her wedding. Whatever will she do ?" "Let her go on, by all means. If anything can opon her eyes, mar­ riage can." "WHERE is the girl of long ago?" sings Joaquin Miller. We saw her the other day, Joaq. But she isn't a girl any more. She had gray hair and M _ wart on her nose, had no teeth, anil his master, "yiu wore sP©cks. a large portion «L y* THE conception of a divine will, di­ vided from that of the human will, in­ volves, like it, localization in space and time; tlie willing of each end, exoluding from consciousness for an interval the willing of other ends, and therefore be­ ing inconsistent with the omnipresent activity whioh similtaneously works an infinity of ends.--Herbert Spencer1. This is the doggondest advertisement djt a bustle manufactory we ever read! W% thought Herbert Spencer was a scient­ ist--Newman Independent. EPITAPHS. Here doth a joklne barber lie Who dyed to live, vet lived to die, Again he'll turn "irom 'urnve' to Kay" If, on the razor-reoticn day. The anRel Gabriel says he's next." Bnt, if St. Peter htm re ject", He'll lizht the shavinsrs for Old Ntck,u And scrape acquaintance with him quick. Here lies a tailor with his thread Of life cut short Now that he's dead He'll mend his ways so in the sky He and bis goo*e can both hang high.. This is the last of the first shoemaker Who pegged out booting his undertaker. He left his wife and children small, His stockin' trade, a .d that was awl. For Bavins soles he wa^ well known; So we may hope ha saved his own. --it C. Dodge, in JJetroil Free lVosa. T.HK OLD ELM TRBSB. As I sat beneath an old elm tree, the wind « . . went whist ilntt br. It bent its houffna and soitlv breathed the following with a sigh: "I have lived here 1 or m»ny a year and seen the summer come and mi The spring time with its flowers and rain, the winter wi h its chilling blast, when white with snow and ice the skies are over-ca^t. In summer t me b?neith my shade have children < ften played, and oh, howott. beneath my l>ougrhs ) aveloverare­ newed their r lighted vows, and mnnva time ttaa old and fe ble havesonehtmy shade to smoke their pipes or ply the needle: and thus it's been with smiles and tears 1 have watched tbem come and go for thiee score years, and many a tale I could tell of what in that time befell, bat age is creeping o'er my head and I fear my Iota are setting dead; a n d a o o n I'Hw- lther a n d decay l i k e those who sought my shade each dar- --Chicago Sun. To Spoil Children. Laugh at their faults. Encourage white lies. Give them their own wftj. Tell them petty untruths. Give them what they cry for. Yell at the top of your voice at thetfi ~ Never encourago their efforts to better. Make them as much afraid of you aa possible. Fly into a passion with them several times a day. Pnnish them if they break some trifle by accident. , Don't be foolish enough to enter into their games. When they ask for information tell them to shut up. Tell them that the streets are the best place to play. Never take any notice of their child­ ish sorrows. Don't have any toys or playthings tossed around the house. Don't bother yourself about whose house they go to. ^ Don't trouble inviting their compan­ ions to your house. Always take part against their teach­ ers. Try to forget as mu^h as possible that you were once yoailg yourself. Tell them all tljjtf liiaqurpu can, an|fi halt kill them wlitn tliev v?ll you one. Wrhen they tell you they won't do * thing laugh at them. When they fall and hurt themselves scold them for their awkwardness. Give them expensive trifles to play with and punish them if they break them. Dress them in style so that they will, be afraid to play for fear they will soil their clothes. Don't get in the habit of kissing them good-niglit; if you should happen to die they would feel very lonesome without it. ' The Wisdom of Simplicity. Persons sometimes get answers they don't expect, even from children. One of them was questioning a Sunday* school class about the man who fell among thieves on the way from Jerusa­ lem to Jericho. Bringing the story to a point, he asked: "Now, why did* the priest and Levite pass by on the other side?" A scholar held out his hand. "Well, my boy, why did the priest pass by on the other side?" "I know," said the lad; "because the man was already robbed."--Vermont Pluenix. CHKFRFrLNE8s is just as natural to the heart of a man in strong health as color to his cheek; and wherever there is perpetual gloom, there must be bad. air, unwholesome food, improperly se­ vere labor, or erring habits of life.-- liUakin. IK Mexioo women are net allowed Id' attend at funerals. They can't keep 'em* away, however, from weddings.