McHenry Public Library District Digital Archives

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 7 Jan 1885, p. 7

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lie?* from on high.* j borrows her sthrer from foroigngeld?" i silver moon that bath o'er as rollsd." rails np from the hariest breast?" that hath lain in the rock at rest." the widest bridge that can span a Iske?" "The IDS bridge--built of a single cake." flood may ne'er from tta bom* departT" stream that flows through th»kia«B baart." to It mourns In his gayest gown?' tee* when In autumn its down. tee* when in autumn leave* fall ECM not the inside of his own hoioe? snail, though he never departs there­ from." ere have they made the smallest king?" he kingfisher la but a small, weak thing. 3n»en does tba weak tread down the strong?" ' "Van crashes thejBarth as he walks alone. .. is stroneer than firm set ground?" plow, that tears it with many a wound. Is stronger than Iron or brass?" ,ery ftaroe that melteth the mass. , j than fiercest fire?" , _ im that can quench its fee . ,-fWhat Is moie strong than the wavesthst flow?" V lie wind thatl drlveth them to'and fro. nBeca j is stronger than the wind and air? .'^The thunder-\tbey tremble when that is thera" iy does not water flow np hill?" ,kr:; use to flow downward Is easier stW ^Why are the fishes dumb alway?" .. ^Because they've no cleye things to **JVho can answer these riddles true?" ; '•Whoever knoweth a rhyme thereto." nd wherefore do I now give o'er?" f ecsu-o 1 wish to bear no more." & m • . NOT IMPOSSIBLE SHL A young man was pacing impatiently and down the platform of the pretty tie station at Apple ton. The month „JM June; the time was 9:30 a. m.; the train was late; the young man was an­ noyed and impatient. It was a deli- ciona morning, warm, but with certain delicate little cool flutterings in the sir, that lifted the leaves and whispered that comfort dwelt out-of-doors under the trees, and not within in the protec­ tion of darkened rooms. The little park about the station was trim and fresh. To the east lay the Hudson, finding down, not to Camelot, but a place infinitely more interesting to the Impatient growler at the station, who •agerly scanned the bulletin each time he passed it as if hoping to see glome change in the announcement, ."Train from the west late two hours • •nd thirty-five minutes." Toward the Borth there were glimpses of the clean "White houses, and one or two church vfjpires, and beyond them larger and pretentious country houses suggested Wealth and luxurious summer retiro- ment. Tbe little station, much to tlie disgust of the Appleton people, had tjeen placed, not at the village, but Where, in the judgment of the railroad, ihe village ought to have been, and ifrould be Fome day. Presently something happened. There was a little bustle of expectancy Among the two or three men who were In charge at the station. The telegraph •gent dropped his paper, shut himself 1}p in his private coop, and after some jgitick, click, clicking, called out an unin­ telligible phrase, which, in its turn, loosed a sleepy official, who strolled «ot to the platform and began gazing "iacantly tewnrd the north. Then a low jtne of smoke then a whistle announced fyhat the official proclaimed in senato- ian tones to be the "Com mod at ion for elby." From the "Commodation for Welby" there alighted one passenger at the Appleton station. This was a grace­ ful young girl, an old-fashioned sort of pretty girl, with gentle blue eyes, dressed all in a bridish gray. The young man of the caged-hyena prance, preoccupied with his scorn for "Com- aaodatien for Welby," did not even glance at her. She walked through She station, looked helplessly about frith the distressed air of untraveled Womankind, deposited her satchel on a •eat approached the window of the tel­ egraph office, now closed and deserted. Gallantry at length asserted itself, and Fred Rylance, the impatient, ;ged to know if he could be of uny arvice. 'Yes, thank yon," (blushing and tim­ orously) ; "I want very much to send a message." "Oh, very veil; the man will be back directly. If you will write your mes­ sage on this blank, I'll give it to him when he return*." He handed her a ttlank as he spoke, and a delightfully Sharpened pencil from his pocket. . She hesitated a minute, then, with much embarrassment, asked, "Will you |>e so kind as to write it for me? I-- cannot--write." With great self-possession Mr. Ry­ lance restrained a movement of sur­ prise, and dashing down the date . Waited for the message, "Its to Mr. Edward Ferris, LovelL I want only to say that I came safely, amd that I'll let him hear from me as toon as I reach River view." "Mr. Edward Ferris, Lovell: Beached here safely on time. Will Communicate from Riverview." (" 'Communicate* is a stroke of gen- ions," thought Mr. Rylance.) > '*Do yon wish to sign it?" r "Oh, yes. Dolly Ferris." By this time the operator made his appearance, and after the message had been intrusted to him Mr. Rylance fol­ lowed Miss Ferris to her seat, and said •ritk an amused smile: "If you are going to Riverview von are certain to meet me, Miss Ferris. The young la­ dies at Riverview are my nearest and dearest neighbors. May I introduce inyself. My name Is Rylance--Fred Bytance," Miss Ferris explained very graceful­ ly that the young ladies at Riverview Were her cousins, whom she was visit­ ing for the first time, and that she ex­ pected them to meet her, and preferred to wait rather than have Mr. Rylance telephone to Appleton for the solitary hack. And so they got on very cheer­ fully until the arrival of the carriage from Riverview, which contained the dashing Misses Ferris--Kate and Milly. " You darling, how did you get here ?*" "They telephoned us from the sta­ tion that the train was two hours late." "And how did yon come to know Fred?" "And where's row trunk?" To this bewildering attack Dolly found, after a while, a cbanae to reply that the express was so late that her • father had advised the way-train as a possible means of saving her cousins vnnceaeary waiting. Mr. Kyi an tie further explained that he had be en fortunate enough to be of some little A" introduced himself. Th» farnnk w«B found, the young la- dies were all volubly and sflutterin^ly put fiato the carriage, whentke whistle of tfe* long-delayed train WM^ heard. A hejrfy good-by, and he found himself just in time to have the tram flagged. He flung himself into a comfenable seat, and hastily tearing a leaf from his note-book, wrote: "DEAR EVEMDOE: I am ready to keen my share of the pledge we once made each other. I have found my ideal, and you are the first to hear it. She shall be the second. She's come, I've seen* her, and been conquered. She's the woman I've dreamed of, from her lovely blond face to her sweet, soft voice; and, best of all, old fellow, I have positive proof that she isn't that pet horror of mine--that drug in. the modern matrimonial market --'a splen­ didly educated girl.' "It's the most curious thing, but she has been brought up according to my latest theory, which I will tell you when-- Never mind her name; it shall be Mrs. Rylance, if shell consent, and I cim be a pretty stubborn soldier at siege. I'm not mad, but intend to be. Be sure you keep your pledge, as I have mine, and congratulate me, not this minute, but after a while. "Yours, in love (with the ideal), "FRED RYLANCE." A day or two later the threatened siege began. There was an uninter­ rupted series of picnics and drives and walks, all arranged by Mr. Rylance, and all given in Dolly's honor, and all conspicuous by Fred's absolute devo­ tion to the yellow-haired visitor of Riverview. She furnished him more food for re­ flection than any one he had ever met. Until he met Dolly he had some sneaking doubts of his "latest theory," viz., that provided a woman were thoroughly refined, the less she had of "book laming' " the more charming she would be. But here it was, the only example he had ever seen, and the most startling and complete vindica­ tion of his ideas. She was quite as bright as her cousins and after the most careful scrutiny he failed to find a single occasion upon which her lack of "a common-school education" placed her at a disadvantage. To be sure, he wasn't quite fair. He never permitted the conversation to turn upon books-, and he could not help wondering at times what people would say when Mrs. Fred Rylance's accept­ ances or regrets were conveyed always in her husband's writing. One glance, however, at Dolly's bright, animated face was enough to dispel all these troublesome doubts. His curiosity ran high at times as to how this singular state of things had come about. A re­ mark of Milly's gave him a little light. She said once: "Isn't Dolly lovely ? And it is so strange that she is. She has been brought up entirely by her father, who has the modt Unheard of ideas on the subjeot of educating, or rather not educating girls. Its a won­ der she isn't spoiled." "Pity more women weren't spoiled in the same way," growled Fred. Save for her confession at the sta­ tion, two circumstances only betrayed her ignorance. He used to post letters almost daily to her father, but always addressed in Kate's writing. The other was that he came upon her once in the library, and found her reading Har­ per's Monthly upside down. This realy touched him. There was something pathetic in the idea that she so felt the difference between herself and other girls that she was led into this childish way of pretending that she was not so ignorant aB he might think from her inability to write. He longed to tell her that he at leased valued her all the more because she hadn't been spoiled by ridiculous the­ ories of education. He found an oc­ casion. They were talking one day--that is, Kate and Milly were--of a woman's novel that was running in one of the magazines. Dolly had been very silent, and Fred judged that his time had come for declaring his preference for unschooled and unlearned femininity. Throwing himself back on the grass, and gazing up at the blue patches of heaven visible through the net work of bows above him, he announced dicta- torially: "I never intend to read a line again from any woman. It's all nonsense. There's my friend Danforth, who has married Miss Colby-- ghe calls herself Daisy on paper, I believe. Fancy a man deliberately selecting a literary wife? Oh, not anything but an educated and superior female compan­ ion. " Dolly looked conscious and embar­ rassed, but was silent. Kate retorted: " Oh, you goose I You are like all the other men in the world, thoroughly inconsistent. I notice that in real life you never pursue sweet ignorance, as one would expect from your conversa­ tion ; indeed, the girls you like are in­ variably those who are called 'brilliant' and " "Nonsense!" said Fred: "who ever said I liked a fool?" But, seriously, the brightest and most charming wo­ men" (he havdly dared say woman) "I ever met could neither read nor write." No one answered for a moment. Then Kate, snapping her embroidery silk petulantly, folded her work, and rose, saying with some dignity: "Since you are bent upon making yourself so agreeable, I'll go to my painting awhile." "Oh, come, now," said Fred spring­ ing to his feet. "I'll walk to the nonse with you and make np." The next day was the last of Dolly's visit. It was to be celebrated by a moonlight lawn party, with all the charming acoompadiments of supper served in a great, brilliantly lighted marquee, of music everywhere, and above all, judicious gloom of Chinese lanterns in the more romantic and se- oluded parts of the grounds. Everything happened precisely as it onght, even Fred's well-devised scheme to beguile Dolly into a particularly dim, and romantic, and secluded spot, and there tell her that he loved her and her only. The plan was well laid, and, as had been said, went off with a pre­ cision which is rarely granted to the plots of wooing man at moonlight fetes, But the denouement did gang very much agley. At the critical moment when the heroine permits herself to be know rst. re can't be any worst. Try me aeAJge." *1 csn't--I cannot," quite composed- tirik time. "Bnt I'll give you some- to-night, when von go away, wttich will explain it alL Now, don't say another word, please. Indeed. I can't stand it," and Dolly, wiping her eyes, marched off toward the house. Fred didn't feel very badly, for he knew her secret, but he saw she was too much unnerved for an explanation just then. After they reached the house she disappeared for a few min­ utes, and Fred, meeting her at the foot of the stairB, walked out under the poarch and received from her a little box, some three inches square, careful­ ly tied with blue ribbon. "Promise me," she said, with a trem­ bling voice, "that you won't look at it until you get home." And putting out her hand, "Good-bye ; Tmgmng to-mor­ row, you know." He took the little hand, pressed it warmly, and replied, with much feel­ ing, "No; not good-bye. I mean to see you in the morning." Dolly turned away without a word. It seemed at least a week before he said good-night to his hostess and found himself at home, where he could examine the overwhelming proofs of Dolly's unfitness to be his wife. The harmless little box contained several cuttings, all verses, and purporting to be written by one Daisy Fern. There was "A Spring Twilight," "The Return of the Robins," "the Oriole's Nest," and various other not very original head­ ings, introducing not very original verses. It took Fred something more than a minute to comprehend that Dai­ sy Fern and Dolly Ferris must be one and the same person, and that all his well-meant animadversions against lit­ erary wives had had a far different mean­ ing for Dolly from the one intended. He groaned just once, perhaps twice, that even inability to read and write couldn't save a woman from being the victim of literary aspirations. But one thought of poor little grief-strieken Dolly banished his only half-recognized misgiving. Besides, he wickedly re­ flected that he would undertake to make it impossible for her to find an amanuensis. At half past 9 in the morning Mr. Fred Rylance's grr.y Roderick was paw­ ing the gravel in front of Mrs. Ferris' house, and Mr. Fred Rylance in the drawing-room was holding a little white-robed maiden to his heart, and telling her between times that he didn't care if she wrote "Iheophratus Such." When a more lengthy interval of lucid­ ity came to both, Mr. Rylance asked, with amusement: "But, Dolly, my dear* who wrote them for you?" "Who wrote them?" (indignantly). "Why, they're mine, even if you don't like them." "Oh, yes I know; but who was your amanuensis? You know you told me yourself that you couldn't write." "What!" said Dolly, in amazement. "What do you mean?" "Why, at the station, the day yon came, when I wrote your telegram." Dolly looked at him a moment in ut­ ter wonder, then burst into peals of laughter, until a rapidly gathering cloud on Fred's face sobered her. "Oh, Fred, forgive me" (more laugh­ ter). "I didn't mean I didn't know how to write, bnt you see I had written and written so much over these things, al­ most day and nigh$i indeed--I was so much alone ffcat I gate my whole time to it--and finally I got that horrid thing the matter with my wrist writers cramp, isn't it?--and the doc­ tor made me promise before I came away that I wouldn't take a pen i n my hand while I was gone, not once! Oh, dear, I cannot help laughing. It is so ridiculous that you should have thought I couldn't write." Fred joined in the laugh now him­ self, and this trifle settled they returned to the real business of life. Suddenly Fred jumped np and cried, in great anxiety: "And can^ou really read, too?" "Why; certainly." "But I saw you reading Harper's Magazine upside down." "Yes, I remember that. I was look­ ing at that photograph of yourself you gave Kate, and sudden I heard your footstep in the hall, and " That morning, after his retnrn from the train which bore Dolly to Lovell, Mr. Rylance sat down to confess to Everidge: "DEAR EVERIDOE : As soon as it can be conveniently arranged, Miss Dolly Ferris will become Mrs. Rylance. I feel in honor bound to explain that she is not the ideal, but she is so much bet­ ter that I've nothing to regpret. Come up and spend Sunday with me, bnt please do me the particular favor not to mention the 'latest theory' which I promised to tell you about. And let me give you some good advice--you know I'm engaged now. Don't you bother your head about your ideaL Just look out for a nice girl. Yours, F. R." tenderly gathered to the hero's manly heart, an Reginald whispers, "O, speak ever thus," Dolly drew herself emphat­ ically away and burst into tears. Fred was distracted. He did his best, his most artistic best, to comfort her, but she so evidently meant what she said in begging him not to say a word that he was forced to wait silently until she managed to compose herseif sufficiently to sob out: "Oh--if--you only [sob] knew sll about me [sob] you wouldn't [sob] ask me" [sob, sob, sob]. "But I do know, "©oily. I kn<jw-r-" ? . How Rover Saved the Cowa* " A: gentleman who lives among the Cat skills owns a bright and powerful Newfoundland dog called Rover. Of large and .commanding stature, Rover has a kind'ly eye and is one of the most intelligent beasts in the country. One Sunday last winter, when the family re­ turned from Deckertown, where they had been attending church, Rover did not greet them as was his invariable custom. The members of the family were quick to notice his absence. A iter they had been but a short time in the house, they were startled by the low baying of Rover; and, on opening the door, the dog rushed in on them, and, going over to where Mr. Titswortli stood, he looked up appealingly in his face, and gave utterance to low sounds of distress and tugged at his masters coat. At Mrs. Titsworth's suggestion, a lantern was procured and Rover was followed to the stables, where five cows had been yoked together in their stalls. A heavy beam had fallen out of its sockets; and the cows, when found, were all prostrated with this beam over their necks. A few hours more, and the whole number would have perished. They were speedily liberated from their perilous condition.--A A Healthful txerefee. "Are you fond of rowing, Miss Smith* ers?" Miss Smithers is a Boston girl, and the twain were out in a boat. "Oh, very fond of it indeed. I think it is such lovely exercise." "Have yon rowed very much this sea- son?" "Yes," Miss Smithers replied, with a little cultured cough behind her hand. "I have ridden a great deal."--New York Sun. NEW YORK and Boston ladies are suf­ fering from scalp diseases, brought on by wearing false hair. Do- a fur over- hat. He wnthe great "platform his nsa ads in his pockets, smoking and singing, apparently in t|ie best of humoar. One of those inquisitive men always to be found near a railway train, who nad been watching him for some time, finally ventured to address him. "From the West?" The individual m fur removed Mi cigkr and replied: "You bet" ° Going East ?" "You bet." The inquisitive man became inter­ ested. He was going East, too. It was eleven years since he had been east of Lake Michigan, and he was going down to see the old folks in Pennsyl­ vania. "That ain't a marker to mo,* said the Westerner, with great vehemence. "I went West in '49, and this is my first appearance this side of the Rocky Moun­ tains since. I live when Pm to home in Maine, and that's where I'm going now. When I left there. I was a boy of 22 or thereabouts. Do you think they will know me now?" and he stroked his gray beard thoughtfully. "They will if you've go meantime," said the inquisitive man, rich in the making an effort to appear as if he did not*care whether the question implied by his^remark was answered or not. He was equally surprised when his com­ panion responded: That's just it, stranger. Pve been he coast these thirty-five years. Je- klem! but think of it--a lifetime almost. I've had more'n a thousand prospeots that were considered im­ mense. I've been chasing something, nothing, all these years. Sleeping or waking I've seen the glitter of gold. Did you ever get that way? No, of course vou didn't. I have seen gold everywhere, and yet could not find it The mountains with their snowy peaks, the glistening ice, the sparkling frost have all filled me with wonder, avarice, greed. Everything that shone has tempted me. My eyes have been strained so long, my whole being has been so absorbed in this cursed search, that it tires me to look anywhere or at anything. I like to smoke, and close my eyes and think. A wasted life is not pleasant for reflection. The hard­ ships that I have endured, the things that might have been, haunt mo and disgust me with myself.® "Relatives down East?" inquired the man by his side, who was getting in­ terested. "Yes, sir, my mother; and that's what's taking me over the divide, stranger. A curious thing about that; mighty curious. For thirty-five years I hardly gave the old lady a thought. She wrote frequently, and I wrote when I had time, but not like I ought to have done. I was absorbed in gold- hunting, when one day I received a let­ ter from her containing her photograph. She's more'n 75 years old. It struck sm like an avalanche. 'Poor old moth­ er/ says I, and as I looked up I saw myself, wrinkled and gray, in a glass, and observed,'Poor fool "boy.' Well, sir, from that moment I lost interest in gold, quartz, and placers. When I looked at the snowy peaks, I saw my mother. I dreamed of her at night Her eyes were always before me, swim­ ming m tears as they were the day we parted. Finally I gave up, converted what little property I had into dust, and determined to go home. I don't care who knowB. Here's a '49er who has been lured from the gold country by a mother's tears. It will pay me richer dividends than the things Ihave been chasing so long." Lucky Plants. In some parts of the world, ofte'kind of aster is in high repute as a sort of divining rod. A forked branch is cut off with various superstitious ceremo­ nies, and the two twigs are taken in the 'hands and firmly held with the point in a horizontal position. The holder walks over the ground, and, according to the popular belief, when immediate^ ly over a spring, the point, in spite of all efforts to the contrary, will turn directly downward, thus indicating the presence of water. In other regions the hazel is used for the same purpose and is supposed also to indicate, in min­ eral countries, the presence of veins of silver or gold. Both hazel and aster 'are believed, in some mountain districts of Germany, to be powerful in protect­ ing men from lightning, and sprigs of these plants are often seen hung over a door to preserve the house from thun­ derbolts. The ancients used the lau­ rel for the same purpose, and Augustus is said to have put on a laurel crown whenever a thunder-storm came up. The lily, in some Catholic countries, is considered a lucky flower, it being the emblem of the Virgin Mary, who cared for it and all who loved it, while the marigold is also lucky, for it is likewise consecrated to her. The bleeding heart sprang from a drop of blood wrung from her by the Tagony of witnessing the death of her son, and is therefore also considered a very lucky flower. In England, the mistletoe has been rev­ erenced from the days of the Druids, but is now considered as lucky for lov­ ers, the kissing at Christmas time be­ ing done under its branches when sus­ pended in the hall. John's wort is luck if it be gathered before dawn on St John's Day; at any other time it has no power to command good fortune. .The poppy and tuberose are lucky for the living, because they are ioved by the dead, but oddly enough, the im­ mortelle is unlucky for the same rea­ son, "the difference being caused by some legend or superstition which has been forgotten. There is a French su­ perstition that the spirits of the dead revisit their graves and are pleased to see them crowned with immortelles, and these and the myrtle, which is sacred to love, are more frequently seen on graves in France than any other plants or flowers. £5 «irtsi&&'a cool, left Sbafo; In no other idMd, the yonng girt dMoped and laded. Sweeter and sadder gc#ir the light in her blue eyes, till by-and-by God's angel touched them with a dream­ less sleep. Loving hands crowned the white brow with myrtle, and under the branches she had loved laid her tender­ ly to rest But from that hour, as if in sorrow for the one that had tended it, the stately tree began to droop. Lower and lower bent the sad branches, lower and lower, until they caressed the daisied mound that covered her form. "See!" said her young companions, "the tree weeps for her who loved it." And they called it the Weeping Willow. --Alta Grant. 1 Practical Metaphysics. ^)on't drum on the desk with your fingers or "joggle" your foot by the hour while sitting down. In so doing you are expending strength for nothing --strength to get which you have eaten and slept--strength you need to use to best advantage in buying, selling and getting a living. Every movement of muscle, whether it accomplishes anything or not,whether voluntary or involuntary, costs an out­ lay of bodily strength. Every thought also involves an expenditure of strength. Therefore all thought involving fret, worry, fear, or borrowed trouble is so much strength unprofitably expended. It will waste you away mind and body. You may always tell a man or woman whose existence has been a life-long fret by their careworn, hollow, emaciated faces. They are never healthy. Fret kills more people than the cholera. It leaks away strength constantly. At last the weakest organ or function gives way. This we call disease. The doctor comes and gives the disease a Latin name. The disease may attack heart, liver, lung, stomach, kidney. But the real and underlying cause had been at work for years in the patient's mind. You can't help fretting, worrying, borrowing trouble. That makes no dif­ ference as to result. Merciless nature takes no account of what you can't help. The Legend of Ike One day a golden-haired child, who lived where no trees or flowers grew, was gazing wistfully through the open gate of a beautiful park, wnen the gar­ dener chanced to throw out an armful of dry cuttings. Among them the lit­ tle girl discovered one with a tiny but just starting. "Perhaps it will grow," she whis­ pered to herself, and, dreaming of wide, cool boughs and fluttering leaves, she carried it carefully home, and planted it in the darksome area. Day after day she watched and tended it, and when, by-and-by, another bud started, she knew that t%3 slip bad taken root Years passed, and the lowly home gave place to a pleasant mansion, and the narrow area widened into a spacious ! garden, where many a green tree threw 1 its shadow. But for the golden-haired ; child, now grown into a lovely maiden, the fairest' and dearest of them all was the one she had so tenderly nour­ ished. 8o other tree, she thought, 6* 1* & Walking down Broadway te veijr pleasant when you feel well, and "P K never felt better than when fefs friend asked him how he got over that revere oonsh at Ms eo boy' BaM TP--, "6,. M. D. AM It!" Aa4 his friend what O. M. IX meant. Re knew It did not neaa a Good Many Doctors, for T K a dozen In vain, •'ihave it," said he. Inst hitiloK the nail on the head, "you neaa Dr. Pierce's 'Golden Medical Discovery,' or Gold Medal Deserved, as my friend J fl always dubs it." Sold by druggists. No WA8TB of shot: "What did you kill?" Inquired a pedestrian of a sportsman on horseback. "Time," was the sententious response. " COLDS, fevers, and inflammations broken up by Dr. Yieroe's Extract of Smart-Weed. A SUBSCRIBER advertises for " A plain girl to cook." He probably was afraid he would be hanged if he cooked a pretty girl. Hon. Wm. I>. KeUey, ML. Judge Jos. R. Flanders, of New York, and T. 8. Arthur, have been interviewed by a newspaper reporter as to their experience with Compound Oxygen. Their testimony to its ciirative action is clear and direct, and shows It to be the most wonderful vitalizing agent yet discovered. Copies of these re­ markable interviews, and a Treatise on Com- pcuud Oxygen, will be mailed free by Ers. Starkey & Palen, 1109Glrard st., Philadelphia. **1 Have Been Afflicted with an Affection of tbe Throat from child­ hood, caused by diphtheria, and have used various remedies, but bare never found any­ thing equal to BsowR'e BBOBTCBIAI. TROCHES."--REE. O. M. F. Hampton, POeeton, Ky. 8old only In boxes. THE tortures portrayed by the author of "Inferno," are scarcely greater than those suffered daily by the victim of neuralgia and rheumntism. For a long time Mrs. Morris O. Williams, of West F.xeter, N. Y., was unable to rise from her bed without assistance. One bottle of Athlophoros cured her, and made her feel "like a new •woman.'" Price $1 per bottle If your druggist hasn't It, send to Athlophoros Co., 112 Wall street, N. Y. Years of habit may have made worrying "second nature" for you. It may be a habit as hard to break as the "joggle" of your heel while sitting at the desk. Both movements--the physical one of your foot and the mental one of your mind--may have become involuntary. You might call it automatic mind or body action or automatic exhaustion.-- New York Graphic. The Revolution In medical practice, which has taken place with­ in the past thirty years, has been very marked. When lloststter's Stomach Bitters first made their appcarance, violent purgation, the laacet and narcotics were measures resorted to with little regard to the idiosyncrasies of tho sick. Kow infinitely more satisfactory results are ac­ complished with the Bitters. The constipated are no longer dosed and drenched, the fever- stricken are not weakened by bleeding, and se­ datives have taken the place of opiates. Dys­ pepsia, nervousness, insomnia, irregularity of the bowels, rheumatism, and chills and fever, are successfully treated with this popular tonic and regulator. As a medicated stimulant, it is professionally commended, and is preferable, as a means of renewing exhausted energy, to the average tonics. These statements rest ample evldenoei. What Angered the Laailord. Whereupon the Second Vice Pres­ ident of the Hawkeye Club chipped in a story about a country landlord. "You know old Smith who keeps the hotel down at Smithville, don't you?" The members of the club unanimously voted that they didn't. "Well, one time two lads and lasses went to this hotel and got married--double wedding, you know. While the ceremony was being performed old Smith happened to.think that he didn't have a cigar in the house, and of course after the ceremony the bridegrooms would want to set 'em up on the cigars. So he hustled reund and persuaded a drummer to sell him a box of cigars. He opened the bos and dis­ played them to the best possible ad­ vantage in his showcase; and he was gazing on them with great pride and satisfaction when, the ceremony having been performed, the two bridegrooms came out. And what do you suppose they did ? Borrowed some matches from old Smith to light their pipes with."-- Burlington Hawkeye. WE accidentally overheard the following dialogue on the street yesterday: JotuM. Smith, why don't you stop that dis­ gusting hawking and spitting? 8m<W). Row can If You know I am a martyr to catarrh. J. Do as 1 did. I had tbe disease in Its worst form, but I am well now. 5. What did you do for it? • J. l used Dr. Cage's Catarrh Remedy. It cured mc and it will cure you. $. I've heard of It, and, by Jove, I'll try It. J. l)o so. You'll find it at all the drug •tores in town. "WHAT did you say your friend is, Tommy?" MA taxidermist." "What's that?" "Way, he's a sort of animal upholsterer." PCRE Cod-Liver Oil, made from selected livers on the sea-shore, by CASWELL, HAZARD & Co., New York. It is absolutely pure and sweet. Patients who have onoe taken it prefer it to all others. Physioians have de­ cided it superior to any of the other oils in market. THS Chinese most go, and all Americana shonld go--and buy a bottle of Carboline, the deodor­ ized petroleum hair renewer and dresser. Sine* the rocent improvement, no preparation ever had such a sale or gave such general satisfao- tion as Carboline. Sold by ail druggists. EVERY lady or centleman that is a sufferer from Bevere headache should read the adver­ tisement of Dr. Bells, In another column of this paper. CUAPPKD Hands, Face, Pimples and rough Skin, cured by using JUNIPER TAB SOAP, made by CASWKLI., HAZAKD & Co., New York. Important. When yen visit or leave New York Oltjr, save Baggage Expressage and Carriage Hire, and stav at the Grand Union Hotel, opposite Orand Central Depot: 600 elegant rooms fitted np at a cost of one million dollars, reduced to $1 and upwards per day. European plan. Elevator, Uestaorant supplied with the best. Horse cabs, ntaffe, and elevated railroad to all depots. Fami­ lies can live better for less money at the Orand Union than at any first-class hotel in the city. MKX can by no possibility become female clerks; but there is nothing to prevent wom­ en becoming mail clerks. Uor*ford'» Acid fboipfeats, VALUABLE MEDICINE. Dr. W. H. Parmelee, Toledo, Ohio, says: "I have proscribed the 'acid' in a large variety of diseases, and have been amply satisfied that it is a valuable addition to our list or oiedlciual agents. A MEW opera is called "The Orange Girl.'* It is expected to provoke " peels*' of laugh­ ter. M AN v ladies who for years had scarcely ever enjoyed the luxury of feeling well have been renovated by tho use of Lydia Pmkham's Vegetable Compound. THS habit of mendacity Is so universal that sometimes truth lies--at ths bottom of a well. Young Kw, Head Thin." TM VOLTAIC BILT Oo ̂of Marshall, Mtolk, offer to send their celebrated >utcrao-Voi> TAIC BELT and other ELECTRIC APPLIANCES on trial for thirty days, to men (young or old) afflicted with nervous debility, loss of vitality and manhood, and all kindred trou­ bles. Also for rheumatism, neuralgia, pa­ ralysis. and many other diseases. Complete jo.toiation to health, vigor, and manhood guaranteed. No risk is Incurred, as thirty We beg to Inform all parsons suffering from THROAT OR LUN6 AFFECTIONS, Buch as COUGHS, GOLDS, CROUP, ASTHMA, BRONCHITIS, CONSUMPTION, That they wtU not fkU to find reUef and a Permanent Gore by using, aoeordlng to di­ rections, ALLElTSLUlie BALSAM It is hsralsa to the most Aelicate ehQd! Xt contains no Opium in any form! NEW EVIDENCE. lead the foUowlngt ADDISON. PA* April ,j 1888.--I took a vtols_ _ cold, audit settled on my lungs, so much that at tunas 1 sritl blood. A LI, KiT* U1NO SATSiM recommended to. me 7.1888.--I took a TioTeat| O M as~a gooa remedy. I took it, and em now ID sound and well. Youn A?J!*B5]LEMAN. Y Lun SI U FxTrmt, K. 1, Jot. 12, 1881.--OenUe* osen: Allow me to say hat after using three Kittles of AUeiTi" Balsam for tack utirel. _ ^-- TQlu: iniyMDeneftl . xouTsiespectfall] BOINU. H. X). ADDISON, Pa.. April, 1883.--A. J. COLBOM, Esq., Editor of the Bomerset B~eraid writes: I can recom mend ALLEN'S LVNO BALSAM as being the best remedy for Coldi and Coughs I erei used. CONSUMPTION. P T I O N -uents: l can fully say your AL-iAwr Balsam, ifhara sold tor , Astoria. IIL, Apiil a VB3. --Gents: I can jheerfully en's ~ rhieh be past 19 yean, sells •etter than any cough i«r<5s sjjsWArsa: leal profession here. H.OJIooney, Dr'g'st SOLD BY ALL MEDICINE DEALERS. PENSIONS to Holdiers and Heirs, tie: for Circulsra L. BING1 tomey, Washington. V. C. OPIUM m • _ Send for circnlarquick: you're Agents PATENTM*® ̂ CTht OLDEST MEDICINE in the WOULD is ft probably Dr. IMM Thompson's U •Itbratsd Ey• WatsII This article Is a carefully prepared physician's pre­ scription, and has been in constant use for nearly a century, and notwithstanding the manv other prepar­ ations that have been introduced Into the market, the sale of this article is constantly Increasing. If the di­ rections are followed it will never fail, we particu­ larly invite the attention of physicians to its merits. John X. Thompson, Hons A Co., TROY, N. Y. • I«w«t egrmmUntfM i tionawt n inss&sa™ •Tft •••*» There is no infirmity so < densome to the human i ing of wfeteh i proaoh of serlouM aud despondenqy of sptrtt I are immeasurable. Ikato is taking from your elasticity, drlriMg tbe cheeks; that continued si forces, rendering yon irritable' Mi DON'T FORGKT, all of tbes ~ easily removed and permanent! the use of Recommended by physicians, ministers and , nurses. I prescribe Hope an* MAE/r !Pi»» ten* regularly in mjr practice. -- ROBBKP TURNER, M. D., Flat Book, Mich. If you cannot get Hops SUMft 1ML4ULY Bitters of your druggist we will sewft% express paid, on receipt of regular prioa, if per bottle. We prefer that ypu buy it frsss your druggist; but If be has not get it %»• not be persuaded to try sometbing eis ̂bat founded with other Inferior preparations of; similar name. Sake nothing bet lif asdnALTSltten. - HOPS t MALTBHTBBa <XX, Detrotty Mleit. sMb OMinty. *7B a \\J ANTR1>--8S " month and e: Sand stamp, u Dr. EE yiTALIZWe BLOOD Is absolutely wamated to cun tba WMS|) headache, nervous and bilious headache,« dyspepsia, and aM.'dnan*rmpnte ei unhealthy condition of the stomach, li*er,l blood. Ask your draggiM, or address r. BON, CenterviUe, Iowa. R.O,AWW| imet T -r Lorillard'i m thelMstanS cheapest, quality CREAM Ganges ne PaUu Gives letter «§ Rttalif C.N. IT. la this pa: M A Dlf FT URDEHIIS BUY ROItTREN •HWr ._ . i i . n HFL IT RC W E. 1 Wholesale Listof Warranted Northern fteede b«for* Wyte*ej»-•flOs^lmlB I where, will psjr you. UOHN A. SALZKIt, B**4Qn»w«r,LaCroe»a,W)s. FREE^* 1 ' 111» h*«Mk,H.J. HOWW *t H0WT0VI9AT wstaatlyoa bead every article rttraaportlagnralarBltTtawS WRITING TO AD' ease aajryoa aawtfce per. days' trial is allowed. Write for illustrated pamphlet, free. atones "Put up" at the Gault HUsts. The business man or tourist will find flrsth class accommodations at the low prioe of and $2.50 per day at tbe Gault House, Chica­ go, corner Clinton and Madison street*. This far-famed hotel is located in ihe oenter of tbe city, only one block from the Union Depot. Elevator; all appointments first-class. H. w. Hovr, Proprietor. HAST persons in Plttston ars using Ely's Cream Balm, a Catarrh remedr, with most satisfactory results. A lady is recovering tbe sense of smell wh.oh she bed not enjoyed for fifteen years. Bhe had given np her osse as incurable, lb. Barber has used It In bis family and recommends it highly. A Tunk- hannock lawyer, known to many of our readers, testifies tbst be wss cured of partial deafness.--FWfstan (Ai.) Oosatts. Netallqnld i or snuff. 60 c«slA I THIS OFFBft TILL FEB'Y 100,000 PRESENTS EveryMjr wis MMh m Arwtet gets a Proeit wsrth frea SI ceiti to Ths proprietor of TMK rOtXTSI SSSKB, bail* 4*iiou*of having the slieady well kaara sad yoMlfcr r«ihr I nor* widely cireulatad snd fntoodaesd into boom whOT* it if not already known, kas SWsnatasS to SMtaw «lf sit I this year, and in addition sm S portion *1 his capital for tbe aole purpose of inersaiiae Us SilTSlMliMB t tltsr dtcidinf to advertise SMT* eatsnsiTalr tksa *rm befare, Uw following plaa bss Woo adopted by as: POR FJJfTY OHNT centotbsy will besentfef fl, saS Mwirabaviptieaw<B be «aUn4apfertw« yeses. LIST OF PRESENTS TO BE M C. S. (biBssiai S»aS< etSSSS.. IS C.a Snialails of SM i« r. a s>»»»to»N etsioe IMMlbMMalb Sq*...., I plated I I l|MI I Utossssat Boobsva?.. IN W MS JffinSaailllsltSte!1 «00 IM i m mm i IISIIM1I..!.MJ, l^tahSSnl 1.SS0 C. S. Om sll si restlQMb... m^murnSSwSSm, a*ae i ItnH Bllialsill ofj-'iO ewb... luoaA«t»trssb Abl--M.ta esob.... a VSte«*CMrts....... Soaef Mat, Mats, «tas aad Cbalaa, sat SMU ether moults, HS.00S presents, tbas (aaianteeins a sssssat tosasSaaS eea All «f the above praeeBts wUl be awarded la a Ms • SIMeatl . vstasitMtt Mseats 91, sad «»ory tn eabaaeC ' sad istpaiUsl ' {seals to tl.aatos a MS i ber wbSsMs as »S ean. spsg. tjys t saboeribora, snd oqp estmfer yoartsortte. SBKD TBS SUSSCaiBKKS WITH #0.00 saS »S «S seftdjpa lg salseriptlras oad ISi sa aaswa sassa «• | Thl> offer win bold rood antil Mnaq B eaty. as we shall IMBR ibeaeat 4UIMTWUHL1 S Mens to 100,000, se we woold adrias sll of «<u[ friends to forward lubecnpliMui at a> eaily I -- - " ter than rebniary tX I |B Is ths best saA aMsst edited Poultry Paper in tbe ewmUj end slreed/ bss a skew] •H Istion ef SO.WO eepiee, snd require* only <0,000 awtobmtkwMnaia] sistsea psgss, beaetitolly ilhwtieted. TSUs bow tu make poultry-pay. 1 •d hr oae sesssl. Thass wsteaea sro warrants* So k» Rood tbae-beepsn. Wo will prist in Ml in a* fabnary lea|ia * TBS FOOLTST ElETia tbe aai ••winding Watorbarjr WaSabea. TMs egtr ts bsaa S4o awd will 1 - -V Sbsflwsa* is Wdai r iw Bwimwe wm is ms sew * pspm waass of rooeipta se they auty dinct. Ot7*aU>rATB<mB AKttSCBStaiBntt, whe» we»«»>b*T kjti OWL? SO 1 STee isssswy W sea*1teas'eeMaary latter at or

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