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VOL. H. "Wedged butto Truth, to Liberty and Law) Wo Fawn Win us and no Fear Shall Awe." M'HENRY, ILLINOIS, WEDNESDAY. AUGUSTS. 1885, NO. 5. J^rary piaiifalef. Published Kr«*y Wednesday by JV VA3f SLYKE CDITO! AHD PUBLISH!*, (Ace in Bishop's Block, --OPPOSITE Piur * OWKN'S.-- tBBlCS OV 8UBSORIPTIOH. Mf TlilrOB Advaaee) $1.50 If Not Paid within Three Months.*..;. .. too Snbscripttens received for |three or six tMtki in the ume proportion. 500 io no 15 00 9000 60 00 100 00 Kfttofl of Advertising1. We IIHIIMJI liberal rates for advertising m the PUISIilALER, and endeavor to state them so plainly that they will be reudlly un. lerstood. They are as follows: 1 Inch one year . . * i, t Inches one year . . 8 Inches ene year - . 8Column one year .... Oeinmn one year. Column one year - One inch means the meaiorement of one nctrdewD the column, single column width. YeaHy advertisers, at the above rates, have the privilege of changing as often as they Shoose, without extra charge. Regular advertisers (meaning those having Standing cards) will be entitled to insertion •f local notices at the rate of 5 cents per line Bach week. All others will be charged 10 Mnts per !ine the first week; and 6 cents per line for each subsequent week. Transient advertisements will be charged •I the rate of lb cents pe line, (nonpareil type, same as this is set in) the flrst issue, and leents per line for subsequent issues. Thus, an inch advertisement will cost $ 1.00 for one week, $1.80 for two weeks, #2.00 for three Weeks, and so on. The PLAIVDICAI.BR will be liberal in giving •illterial notices, but, as a business rule, it will require a suitable fee from everybody ••eking the use of Its columns for pecuniary gain. BUSINESS CARDS. H. T. BROWN. M. D. SURGEON. 111. PHYSICIAN AND SUI 1 Residence, McHenry, Office at PS C. H. FEGERS, M. D- IITSICIAN AND SURGEON. McHenry* Ilia. Office at Residence. O. J. HOWARD, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, McHenry, I 111. Office one door West of fltzslmmons A Bvanaon's store, up Stairs. BARBIAN "BRO?T CIGAR Manufacturers, McHenry, 111. Or­ders solicited. Shop, la Old McHenry, in Kelter Block, third door west of Riverside Bouse. WASHINGTON, D. C The popular palace hotel of the National Oapital. Conveniently located and accessible to all the street ear lines of the city. Open all the year. O. O. STAPLES, PROPRIETOR. Late of the Thousand Island Heuse. ROBT SCHIESSLE Having purchased the old stand of Joseph Wiedemann, NEAR THE DEPOT, MoHENRY, ILLINOIS, Knm taw for the accommodation of the PuMfasa First-Class SdM& aad Restaurant, Where be will at all times keep the|best brawls of Wines, Liquors and Cigurs to tie fraud In the market. . AIM Agent For FRANZ FAlK'S MILWAUKEE LAGER BEER Bear in Large or .Small Kegs or Bottles al. way*«n hand, cheaper than any other, quali. ty considered. Orders by mall promptly attended ta GOOD STARLING FOB HORSBt 4V0ait aadeee.us. Robert SehtoMflf. MeSewrr. Ilk. May ISth, KSS. M A R C U S ' GERMAN ROOT HK Manufactured bj|. F. MAROUS, •DEALER IN- IE8, LIQU CIGARS. Woodstock. III. The best Tonic in the world. Put itf lb futMd Quart Bottles. F. MARCUS, PatanHe. BUSINESS CARDS. ASA W. SMITH. TTORNEY AT LAW and Solicitor In L Chancery.--Woodstock, 111. <m. P. B&KX^fr, M. D. HTSICIAN AND SURGEON. Also United - States Examining Surgeon. Illinois. Richmond, A. S. CHILD8, M. D., HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN AND SITB-GEON, West McHenry, III. OQIs promptly attended to, day or night. E. B. BENNETT, M. E»., Late House Surgeon Cook County Hospital, RICHMOND, ILLINOIS, Special attention given to difficult Surgical eases. DEUT&CH OESPROCHEN. Office at Residence of Dr. 9. P. Bennett DR. C. R. WELLS. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, Lakb Co., 111. All calls ed, day or night. Office on Barker's harness chop. /"* rom Iain Wauconda, ijitlyatte _„_jnd. east of MAQJFEH. BARBIAN. HAIR WORKER, AU kinds of Ha\. Work done in flrst class style and at reasonable prices. Rooms at residence, north­ east corner of Public Square, McHenry, III. DR. C. E. WILLIAMS. DENTIST. Residence Dundee. Will be at McHenry, at Parker House, the 10th 11th 25th and 3Rth of each month. When dates occur Saturday or Sunday I make my visits on the following Monday,and the first day of such visit occurs on Pridajr, I will stay but one day. DjpT YOU FORGETLUt ASA W. SMITH, -OP-- Wbodatoek, - Backed by Millions of money, ofu you INDEMNITY against damage by 7 Flrsi Lightning, Wind Storms, CYCLONES AND TORNADOES. Drop me a postal card and I will visit you: eall on me and I will write you a policy, and wnen either or any of these destructive ele­ ments devaetatee your property, happy will you be Ifyou bold one of my policies, for I will surety visit you. and ^minister unto you. WtU net forsake yen. AAA W. SMFIH, 0m'l JMIMMW Agt A. Ml. CHURCH, W atchmaker and Jeweler NO. 55 FIFTH AVE., (Rrlggs House), Chi­cago, III. Special attention given to re. pairing Fine watches and Chronometers. WA Full Assortment of Goods in his line AT THE OLD STAND, JACOB BONSLETT, SALOON AND RESTAURANT, at the old stand, opposite Bishop's mill, McHenry, III. The choicest Wines, Liquors and Cigars to.be found in the county. Warm or cold meals on short notice on application. PHIL BEST'S MILWAUKEE BEER by the Bottle or C»&e, always on hand. GOOD STABLING FOR HORSES. J. PEKOVSKY, CIGAR MANUFACTURER, Wholesale and Retail Dealer. HANDLES nore but his own make,and will com pare his Brands with the best made in the Stale. Store and Manufactory next door to 'he Post Office, McHenry. 111. CHAS. H. TRYON. DRAINAGE ENGINEER. Levels taken, drains located and grades es­ tablished for tile and open drains Elevations taken of springs, ponds and water courses, and all work requiring accurate leveling. P.O. Address, Greenwood, 111. ANDREW BR OUT, HOUSE PAINTER* McHEIVRY, ILL. GRAINING, CALCIMINING, ETC. Done in the most approved modern styles, and Guarantee Satisfaction. Charges Reasonable. Can be found at Residence, ever lawltu* Clothing Store. ii4.iw Andrew Bronta DO YOU KNOW THAT Plug Tobacco, With Red Tin Tag; Rose Leaf Fine Cut Chew ng; Navy Clippings, and Black, Brown and fellow Snuffs ure the best and the choicest quality considered. Attention Horsemen! I would call the altentfion of the public to my Stable of Stock Horses, four in number: two Morgans, one 3-4 Perqherou, and one Imported Morse. They are all good representatives of their byeed. Also a fe\t Merino Sheep u> r sale. The public are cordially invited to call and examine stock, get prices, etc. No business done on Sunday. N, S. COLBY. 10-7.tf MCHENRY, ILL ILL ME, PUMP REPAIRING, CEMENTING, ETC. The undersigned is prepared to do all lobs in the line of Digging Wells, Repairing Pumps. will put New Pumps On short notice and warrant satisfaction. In short will do all work in this line. Can furnish yon a new Pump, either wood or iron, warranted, as cheap as • any other man. Good references furnished if desin you want a Well Dug, a Pump Repair new P^mp, give me a call. Post OIBoe, Joiinsburg * •" if bra L. promptly attended to. BANTE9. Johns Durgh, 111., May 25th, 1835. LMIlLMB'Srr PLOWSHME"" B l I I / * A , k y 8 u r M mm w • Dealer for it BOBEBT C. BBTHXTT, BREEDER OF Light Brahma fowls *' RICHMOND, ILL. (rtUT BBXICX AT MCHEWRY COUNTY fill . My fowls are of the celebrated DUKK OF YORK strain, remarkable for their great size and laying qualities. I can show a trio of last season's chicks weighing SI pounds. Kggs, per setting ?f thirteen. #1.50, delivered to purchaser in Richmond. Shipped, securely packed, 92.00. MOBERT a BENNETl' J. 0. KARGES, Hoose, Sign and Carnage PAINTER, ' Shop at McHenry House, Near the Iron Bridge- I am prepared to do all kinds of Painting on thort notice, and guarantee satisfaction. Sign Painting a Specially. Call and see me if in want of anything in the Painting line, as I am satishe I that I can please you, both in workmanship and price. «T. C. Kargeg. McHenry, June IS, 1885. rtltFY STXtftg HE. WKiHTM AN, Proprietor. First class rigs, with or without drivers furnished at reasonable rates, all kinds done on short notice. Teaming ot ATTENTION LADIES* Mft*J H,8EXTO«, Yor the past ten yenrs one of the leading Dressmakers in Elgin, has moved to McHenry where she is ready to do Dressmaking in all the latest f»tj lee. Satisfac­ tion guaranteed. Cutting and Fitting a specialty. Also agent for the I. X L., T ailor system of Cutting and Fitting. Full instructions given* Rooms two doors West tile Kiverside House. 15 *--CALL Off E M. HOWE Opposite Bishop's Mill, > has a complete line of the best stoves in the market, as well as a large stock of Hardware, Mechanic's Tools, rw, COPPER & SHEET IRON WARE, And, Jin|fact, everythingjln the hardware »tove and tin lino. HE WILL NOT BE UNDERSOLD. Call at his store before buying elsewhere, fobbing and repairing promptly attended to syKeinember, extra good Bargains ean at. ways be obtained at Howe's. McHenry, Dec. 1, 1883. NEWSPAl . JFLPVERTI8IHI Itoontalns lists of new A book of 100 pages. „ The best book lor an " advertiser to con- [suit, be he experl- I enced or otherwise. Itoontalns lists of newspapers and estimates oftbecostof advertising. The advertiser who wants to spend one dollar, finds in it the in­ formation ne requires, while forhim who will invest one hundred thousand dollars in ad­ vertising, a scheme is indicated which will meet his every requirement, or can be made to do toby slight changes easily arrived at by cor- retpotidence. 149 editions have been issued. Sent, post-paid, to any address for 10 cents. Write to GEO. P. ROW ELL & CO., NEWSPAPER ADVERTISING BUREAU, (lOSpruoeSUPrlntingHouse Sq.}, New York. John Helm, Algonquin, III., DEALER IN ludwait, Sto?M, Tinwut, In short, we keep evorythiu# in the above mentioned lines, which we are offe' ing to the buy­ ing public as cheap as any other house in this section. Cull and Seo its. JOBBNG & REPAIRING, PROMPTLY ATTENDED TO. JOHN HELM. Algonquin, Feb. 18,1886, SI for 13 Weeks. The POT,ICE GAZETTE will be mailed, securely wrapped, to any address in the United Sta es for three months on receipt of ONE DOLLAR. Liberal discount allowed to postmasters, agents and clubs. Sample copies mailed tree Address all order^ to JICHAKD X. FOX, FRANKLitfSQUAKE, New York. okers Call For LE OR B-CSSNT STRAIGHT VIGAH. ^ S I L V E R T A G , Or S for a Quarter Cigar. OR 10.CEN7 STRAIGHT CIO A R. The Finest Goods Ever Offered FO t SALE BY All First-Class Dealers. RETAILERS ATTENTION. We advertise the above brands in the lead ing St. Louis dailies, and your name will ap near among the list of ageunies once a week for (H) days from date of last purchase. *Vuh Urst order we send 3 neat nnd pretty signs. We have one price for these goods from which there is no deviation, namely: Xie.kle Tag, $35.00; Silver Tug, *00.00; Gold Tag, (70.00 iter 1000. We also carrv the most extens ive line of Domestic, Key \Veet and Imported Cisrars in the country, at bottom prices. Sample orders solicited. Goods guaranteed. Address. „ „ TAYLOR MFO 0.,St Louis. Mo. H. P. HULL, Manager. SIBLEY'S Send fsr.enr IIXTITRATED n*_ HCKIPTIVK CAfAUHiUb •" prrnn Vegetable, Flower rand Field JSCllIN PIIMTC BULB8, FLOKl!sT" ,"feFS rjLRIlIu Pl.IRM and I.WPl.t MENTg of all k|pds, mailed FtiEK »n nnplicalion HIRAM SIBLEY & CO. ROCHESTER, N. V. CHICAGO, ILL. ,WM36 E. Main St 200-i0C Randolph St> W I N S L O W ' S "Vineyard" Roller Skates. r For the hest, most durable and easie.st, run ning Holler sk.ites get the ••VINKV Alll>." *•1 ihe in'inrip.'ii Kinks are usinjrthe "ViNEYAltD" Roller. Put up in all Clamp, Half Clump and Strapped Complete. The demand for these skates is so great that they are kept in stock by all principal har 1 ware dealers throughout the country. Mnflufictured by the Inventor and'Patentee SAMUEL WINSLOW, WORCESTER, MASS. P. HAUPERISCH, \ ^MoHfenry, Illinois, •ah. 1 inform the farmers of McHenry and ••••-rounding country that he is prepared to sell them a F1RST-CLASS PLOW, An i warrant the same,at a lower price than •an i-e purchased elsewhere in the county. A1', *.'^1? otBLACKSMJTHING, WAGON tt'i ' ARRIAuK work promptly attended ta. I iEPAIRING, • tali kinds on abort notice. 4ETGive us a Mil nnd we will please you both in quality in < • rice of work. F. HAUP1RI8CH. Me ilenry, I1L. Oct. 7th. 1884. SAL00H and RESTAURANT Btiek's Old Staad, McHENRY, ILLINOIS. Fine Kentucky Liquors, French Bitters, IfcHenry Lager Beer, Falka' UilwaukH Emi, By the Bottle or Case. We buy none but the brat and sell at Reasonable Prices. Call aud see me and I will use you well. ANTONY ENGELN. McHenry, 111., 1884. Important to Ruptured Persons The Excelsior Knpture Cure MTg Co., of Ogdensburg, N. Y.. guarantee to cure any case of reducible Herila with tjjelr Remedies. THE RUPTURE PLASTER AND HEALING COM POUND. This treatment is endorsed by our best Doctors', Diuggists, and the general Sublic. Send 6cts for free hook on Rupture or sk your druggist for the Remedy- Soldiers' Department, CONDUCTED BT DB. S. F. BBMVCTT. County G« A* R. Directory. KTCHMOND POST HO 886. ea*hemonthflr*tand thirtt evenings of DB. S, W, BENNETT, Coat. WOODSTOCK POST, KO 108. motuht# th6 thln' Moo<lay •venlngs of etA B. N. SMITH, Com. HCNDA POST. HO--. WM. Bmra, Com. . BARVAKD POST, HO SOS. . the second and fourth Monday even­ ing* ot each month. ' DB. H. T. WOODRUFF. Com. MABENOO POST, NO. 168, Meets eve-y Second and Fourth Friday evenings of each month. J. B. BABCOCK, Com. E. Z. C. Judson, (Ned BuntHne) the famous story writer Is a member of the Grand Army of the Republic, He is seventy years of a*e and resides In a beautiful home in the Catskills. The number of pension certificates issued and signed during the «reek end­ ing July 18, 1885, was as follows: Or­ iginal, 735; increase. 555; re issue, 84; restoration. 17; duplicate, 20; accrued, 84; total, 1,495. The number of pension certificates issued and signed during the week end­ ing July 25, 1885, was as follows: Or­ iginal, 650; increase, 591; re-issue, 88; restoration. 49; duplicate, IS; accrued, 15; act of March 3.1885, 39; total, 1,375, Any member of the 95th Regiment knowing the address of members of the old organization outside the county will plea** send the name to Wm. But­ ler, Xunda, III., so they may have an invitation sent them to attend the re­ union, September 4,1885. Any comrade or old soldier having any knowledge of the whereabouts of Lewis Lehmaun, late a private of Co I, Fifteen h Illinois Infantry,or knowl«* edge of his death, Is earnestly request- ed to communicate with his brother, Wm. Lehmann, 2453 Cottage Grove Ave., Chicago, General U. S. Grant and Simon Boll- vjr Buekner were classmates at West Point. Bucknor was the flrst Confed­ erate general capture J by General Grant. General Buck tier ca'led on General Gram an tUe lOtU. The meeting wv an aftiietiug fe­ ed for an hour.' Gen. SliPrm.m was in Chicago on the i7th. looking after the interests of the Society of Mie Army of the Tennessee, of which he Is President. The society »ill hold its annual reunloti September 9 and 10, at which time the citizens of Chicago and the comrades of our sev eral Posts will have the pleasure of welcoming to their city and homes many distinguished veterans of the war of the rebellion. . . Tfie Soldier's Home. Paxton Register: "Old Salem, in Me­ nard county, the home of uO!d Abe," la desirous of having the Soldiers' Home, to be built by the State; 9200,000 was appropriated to that object. It might as well be built in Old Salem as any­ where else. The Idea that all public Institutions should be located in large plnces is absurd. The old soldiers will enjoy a quiet, cosy home much better than one in a large, uoisy town. For thnt reason we are In favor of Old Salem, provided Paxton can't got It." Attention 91st Illinois^ The surviving members of the 91 it 111. Infantry,are respectfully requested to forward to me at once the following information, to-wit: 1st, Names 2nd, Company; 3rd, Age; 4th, Occupation; 5th, Address,--Post Office. County and State ; 6th, If mem­ ber of Grand Army,give name and No. ot Post. It is designed to p.ibllsh a Roster of the Regiment, and to all member* sending the desired information a copy Will be mailed as soon as issued. JHO. P. SWALLOW, CO. E. Burchard, Pawnee County, Neb. Some men say thatGraut never knew when he was beat&n. Perhaps not, but he knew when the enemy were. And that's the point of Shiloh. At four o'clock in the afternoon of the flrst day the battle was fairly over for that day. Colonel Chetiain,approach.ng his com- mai.der, as the latter sat on his horse in his fixed and deliberate way, with that cigar bitten bard between his teeth, was orders J to take his men back tocami>; and Grant then said of things whereof he knew: "I guess this about ends it for the day. To-morrow we will finish them up." To morrow he knew he would finish them" up, and go he did. summer." Spottsylvanla followed, an< Gold Harbor; the Investment of Peters burg and that long aeries of assaults fortys, intrenctiments, and battle' which ended with the surrender of Lee and the explosion of the rebellion. There Is a story that upon the next morning after the first day's struggle In those tangled and ail but Impassable woods of the Wilderness, Lee and his officers came out, as aforetime, to see the Union forces going back again over the river, and that when he saw, instead, signs of their resuming the attack, he remarked to his companions: They have a General now. It Is all up with us!" The story may not be true, tut its facts were. It was after six days of battle that Grant sent to Washington the dispatch which ended with the grim remark: "I propose to flight it out on this line if it takes all Written for the pialndealer. , DBBSSRB'g DROLLCKin. NO. 94. - BY B> la D.. ST. LOUIS. MO. DRAB BOB:--AS I was sitting in a railroad car complacently swallowing the cinders, and enjoying the scenery, I was suddenly startled by hearing ta gruft voice say In my ear: "Steam is a wonderful invention my dear sir! But I have conceived a still greater marvel. I have invented a hair dye that is use­ ful not on|y for its coloring qualities, but is also palatable, and liarmlew as a drink. Have some?" The speaker was a long man, with little or no superfluous flesh. "Thank you,w I replied, MI never drink anything but machine oil, which is my favorite beverage." "Well," said he, "my dye onoe cured a cat of spinal meningitis, and saved her from dying. There was a man of my acquaintance who was a long suf­ ferer with catarrah. He was six feet long. He very foolishly took the ad­ vice of a quack doctor, and use 1 a garden hose capable of throwing a stream over thirty feet, instead or a nasal Douolie. The effect was really deplorable. His physical anatomy was so completely mixed It was difficult to locate liis various organs. His wind­ pipe got switched oft onto his spine, and his liver was where his left lung should4>e. H.s stomach became lodged between the shoulder blades, and his lung was in the place vacated by the stomach. His mucus membrane got mixed up with his other bra'n, and he was otherwise In a pitiable condition. He tried every remedy he could lay hi« hands on honestly, or otherwise, <but he not only failed to get relief, but contracted several new diseases, be­ sides getting as bald as a door kndb. I learned of his condition and sent him a bottle of 'The Great Dye Beverage, the Infallable Disease pestroyer.' Af­ ter taking one bottp he was so far recovered a* to be able to skip to Canadtf to avoid paying for the many patent medicines he had bought on credit. I could prove this to you were the gentleman here, bat he U at pres­ ent engtged In horse radish specula­ tion some where in Nbva Scotia. Elaine says, in the mAdness of desptir: 'I have gone mad. I love you. Let me dyeT Her wish could have beeu grati­ fied had she lived in the preseot era." "Yes,' I broku in, "she oould have dyed and bccome bald headed, for most of these patent compounds are more del tractive to the scalp than an'liidlan: 1 think the Injun Is unkind, The white man's scaln to grasp and^tever; It seems to be a little thing, \ Bnt when 'tis gone, 'tis gone forever!] When to the barber shop we lile. Our hair is gentlv clipped away, ' But soon »e see it grow again-- Because the scalp's allowed to stay ! I used some dye once, in a barber shop, that turned my hair twe)ve\dlf- ferent colors, besides giving me kb< painter's colic. I called upon the baff^- ber with a shot-gun, but as he was not in I klll«d his wife, considering that they weie as one. So you see I do not wish to buy any of the article you are endeavoring to sell." He smiled r*ther incredulously and aras commencing again, when 1 seized him and threw him out of the car win­ dow. I hope he wandered oft into the woods and got swallowed by a cow. The passengers said I had done them a great favor, and they presented me with a plug of tobacco. One old man even insisted that I should take bis umbrella, and a woman gave me a cat. As Dante makes no mention of the patent medicine man, I suppose the dye inventor looks forward to death with a boundless joy. If he is alive be wjjl not haye long to look. LOVELL, P>ir Cat. r, ie)c August Crop Keport. he following interesting data con­ ing the condition and prospects pf he/crops, etc., in McHenry county, has been furnished the Illinois Department of Agriculture by the regular corres­ pondent residing is this county. Tftis information will be published in the next monthlp Crop and Statistical re­ port soon to be issued by tha Secretary of the Illinois Department of Agricul­ ture. . MCHENBY COUNTY:--Corn oo tiled land looks well, and is far advanced, but that on low wet lands when planted late is backward and looks baclly.^^Che yield per acre will not come np the average. About three-fourths of tne winter wheat seeded last fall was har­ vested, and the yield will average about 17 bulhels per acre. Spring wheat will yield 22 bushels per acre. Other small grain will yield as follows rye, 17; barley, 30; oats, 64. Meadows will yield about one and one-half tons of hay per acre. Pastures are in goAd condition where not over­ stocked. Apples will aot yield »nore than one- third of a crop. Other small frattt yielded as follows: pears, W; pUuns;f|C grapes, 75; blackberries, 7J. Buckwheat wiU yield more than in average crop. Irish and sweet potat&es are doing well. Field beans and peaa are staking fine growth. Farm animals are In food conditio* and health. 1.. In New Hampshire/where there Is a divorce'for every seven marriages, the religious denominations have peti tloned the Legislature to make a law prohibiting divorced couples from marrflng again within two years after the decree. There would not be much virtue In such a law, says the Atta, when a divorced person cou.'d go over into a neighboring State and get mar­ ried within an hour after obtaining the legal separation, in the same petition it Is asked that "ail decrees of d&orce In the flrst instance be granted nisi to become absolute after the ex­ piration of a fixed time (suppose we say six months) unless the court shall for sufficient cause otherwise direct." It would apparently be better to enact that the divorce shall not be absolute until the end of two years, as that would put marrying in a neighboring State in a shorter time oat of the question. (^General Grant was opposed to having his memoirs Illustrated, but Anally consented at the urgent request of his publishers. When asked if he wanted Rosekraos' picture to appear In It be said: "Certainly, If others do; for he did noble work and I shall let no ptrsonal feelings come in here.** Call at S. M. Oweu & Son's for youg Farm Machinery. They keep none bat the best, and warrant everything. Postal Note*. f 1 The number of post-offices establish­ ed during 1884 was 3,4§4, The post-offices known as "Presided- " tlaP uumber 2,346. t The total nu'nber of money order offices In the United States h 6 992. "Letter rip" is not a new style of : correspondence. Many are called but few are chosen-- that is, up to date. A small boy learning the alphabets, may be likened 'to a postage stamjp. He gets stuck'on the letters. It may not require a philosopher to run*a post-office, out It does require a vast amount of patience and good na­ ture. Sixteen widovs, twenty old maids and fourteen married women are trjr- , Ing to get appointed postmaster at >~$ Newport, Ky. A postmaster, who knew how tooise his fists pretty well, was arre&ted re­ cently for knocking a man out of his office. His excuse was that he was dis- tributing the male. The clerks generally in the postal department at Washington, though originally RepublJLiMurt, are now Jack­ son Democrats. You couldn't find a Republican within the walls of that" great building with a microscope. The postmaster who has held ofl^MT for fifteen years, and is now raaiS enough to bite oft a nail because his successor has been named, should remember thaft this is a world of dis­ appointment, and even life Itself will cease some of these days. A lady who was seen standing around a post-otflce for an hour or two the other evening, was Inquired ol why the lingered so long. She said she was waiting for a male, and "by thunder, if he don't soon come, I'll cancel hie stamp." •Z..M • •' Hit W»y off The World* j The following paragraph ts true, every word of it: "When a rakish young man goes astray, friends gather around in order to restore him to the path of virtue. Gentleness and kind­ ness are lavished upon him to bring him back to innocense and peace. No one would ever suspect that he had ever sinned. But when a poor, confid­ ing girl is betrayed she receives the brand of society, and is henceforth driven from the way of virtue. The betrayer is honorably received--there Is no place for her this side of the grave. Society has no helping hand fpr her, no stbile of peace, no voiee of forgiveneM. There is a de*p wrong in this, and\ttoarful are the consequen­ ces. Atid ^it^ to our shame be it said, in tills christian land we boast of oar kindnessHo women." " " .if a An old farmer living a few allies west of Streator, who owns two han* dred acres of land, was one day last week offered 9120 per acre for hii farm. The proposition startled the old mao. He figured It up--*21,000! His hands trembled and tears stole Into his eyes, as he said he wouldn't know what to d » With so much money, and he promptly refused the offer. The land had out cost him one-tenth of the money, aud he had been farming it a series ot yean plodding along in his humble way, and believing that he was com »arativeljr • poor man, until his eyes were opened by this tempting offer.--Free iVesa. .' -i > '1 How dear to my heart was the oM family bible, that stood on the table so solemn and stHI; where often I've hid everything I thought liable, to fait In the hands of my bad brother BIN* How ardent I've sieaed it, with eye* that were glowing, and shook Its bright pages until out the things fell; b«| ojwallits charming old secreeya are^ going, with this new fangled bible tW bookstores sell. The new fangled bi­ ble, the twenty cent bible, the new revised bible, that saja shoe! for he& C# hJkM . ̂ i. .. , <L t ... ... . c' ' ' - • .i .J, S -&•» j* n. I