McHenry Public Library District Digital Archives

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 25 Nov 1885, p. 6

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jjjrlunrti f laindcalct 2- MoHEXRY, VV ' „ L..J1I ,. . !• I. VAN SLVKE, Editor M<I Publisher. ; ILLINOIS. _ OITK MX TO BE& <Ai rifling toward the distant bine Tb* swan In mortal anguish flies, fca' ^ And uonnlrom out hi* throbbing tn|R' /' • Melodious notes athwart the skies. <ir -!Uor soup, nor wings avail him aught, - For soon he w avers, droops, and diet: Lv,. fio uselessly I beat the air •* .On wings cf doubt that curb my flight, T«t ever striving to mount higher, * ' ' As oft involved in darkest night;-- 5*{, O ray divine! if such there be, Bf-' ; Dispense the clouds: Illume my ai| )l¥ ' nw to see as one of old, -- -' "*« • On sea-girt Patmos'sacred shore, '!With vision never equnlled since •V \ .As it had never been before, The healing leaves, the living stream, ii "Where sorrow ceases evermore, jAnd night is banished, day supreme-- A glimpse th; ouph heavrn'n wtde-opMI (MOT. •-'JET. H. Nfwhall. in the Current. * ̂ HOW IT TASTED. , 'J&Sljjhi WM a maid of many charms, AS lovely as the rose; 8he hold her poodle in her arms, * ! And fondly kissed his noM. t Her lover lying at her feet. Was envious as could be; 4 And said, "Oh, give n kiss as sweat As that, my love, to me." She stooped and kissed him on the llpi, Then sprang he to his feet;' . * She, blushing to her finger tips, Inquired, "Well, was it sweet?" He wiped his mouth, picked up his MU, And then prepared to jog, , ; Remarking, "Sweet? well to be plain, It kind o' tastes like dog." *--Harvard Lampoon, idlv to anrt fro in his skillfttl efforts to keep the frail vessel from being dashed to pieces on the stones. "We were in the midst of A seething cal­ dron of writhing foam and dashing spray, of a dizzying, distracting whirl of waters, of a din that was deafening. "Could anything shwrt of a miracle save OB from the fate we had provoked by so sash a venture? To my excited mind it WlllSTLIKG ASP WHISTLERS. Some Keaaons Why Men. and Enn Women, Whistle--A Preventive of Profanity. It is an accomplishment which proves very useful in a variety of emergencies. Many a young man going home from seeing his girl, and plodding over a lonely country road, would have been seemed that every second must be our last, j scarod to death only that he had whis and I scarcely breathed in my constant ex- A,~a * Ui~ " ?'• A RACE FOR LIFE. BT.FRANK SHERIDAN. . ~ Til never quite forget the little adven­ ture I met with up in the Blue Mountains eVB-few years ago." said Captain Scarboro* -'lifter several of his comrades had related' , . • Incidents of their armv experience in the t m ,\ • Far West. "I had not been long in Ore- ! on. and was not familiar with the lay of he land; consequently the very first time I Ventured out a few miles from the fort I be came hopelessly lost in the mountains." "I had neither guide nor companion, and don't think I should hafe needed any if I ^liad not completely lost my head in pursuit #f a deer that kept just out of rifle-range *11 day, and finally gave me the sfiji. I %as so confused after the long chase, that Jlhe more I tried to determine in which di­ rection the fort lay, the more bewildered I became. i} • j "I spent the night on the mountains. In : i (act, to make a long story short. I spent 'iji'-lfhree successive nights there: for I was four days lost. There was game enough to keep fine from suffering the pangs of hunger, . imd I did not permit myself to become too . ' discouraged to eat. "On the fourth day I was sitting on a fallen tree in a beautiful glade, resting my «ching limbs, and wondering if I was' des- ,--lined to pass the remainder of mv existence. in this lonely wilderness, when a faint . *oniid fell upon my ear. It was so distant as to be scarcely perceptible, but the yell V *>f the red man had become such a familiar ;, «ouud tome during the dozen years of fron­ tier warfare that I could not believe I was Itoislaken now. "While straining myear to catch a repe- tition of the sound, there \yas a cracking ; ami snapping of brushwood near by, and a ®nan burst from a thicket, and came run- l4ng toward me. He paused, however, as he caught sight •f me, and then came forward at a mure leisurely gait, viewing me critically as he did so. He was a big muscular man. and I •aw at once from his garb and general made-up that he belonged to that adven- tnreous class of semi-civilized trappers who , (Kte not so plentiful now as formerly. "'Hullo, stranger,' he said in a groff ^noice, as he drew near. "Petirs to me jou're takin' it mighty easy hyer, all things M considered.' "Without noticing any significance in his %ords I replied: . "'I sat down here because I was tired out "&om wandering about these mountains. I M have been lost four day.' "'Have, eh? Wall, ef yer don't hustle Sound purty spry, an'make verself skeerce, .you're goin' to be lost fur all time to come,' remarked the trapper, coolly, 'Thar's as anany as fifty Injuns on my trail, and ftey 11 be Btfnrrain' round hyer as thick as dbes on a dead bufller inside o' ten minutes,' "I rose to my feet somewhat hastily. M 'Are you in earnest?" I demanded. " 'Sure's my name's Nick Piper!' he •answered; and then immediately added: •Have yer got any narre, stranger?' " 'I am not a coward,' I replied. " 'Then you kin go with me, if yer willin' S lo take the risk; an' ter tell yer the honest iruth, it's the only chance we have to 6ave •nr skulps. Them blasted Injuns are after ft Jne lickety-split, an' they're rabid as a pack wolves. We're meat fur the buzzards kt we stav hvre ten minutes. Hark!' "A yell, ftfe from a hundred throats, was faintly to our ears. " 'Xhey're comin',' said the trapper. 'We «nust stir our stumps, stranger. Thar's •Only one hope for us.' "'And that?' "Nick Piper pointed toward a chasm . «ear by. "Youhear the roar o' the water thar?'# . "The canyon?' I said. i "Exactly. We most .go down the ken- rj' ' yon.' m • «'Whatr t "'Thar ain't no help fur it, stranger. Thar's a good canoe down by Sti #he water's edge, an' we must |f,. $jgit into it and let the current take us whar jit will. I put the canoe thar myself 'bout two months ago, an' made up my mind to * ipse it ef I ever got into a tight place like Si.;. Hiis, an' couldn't see any other way out of it." . " "But that would be certain death!" I ex­ claimed, in amazement. "Not sartin, though I 'low the chances are agin' us," said the tr&pper, with awful ealmness. I began to think the man was mad. "Did any one ever perform the feat and live?" I asked. "Never as I knows of. Ef we do it we'll be the fust, I reckon. You couldn't do it alone ef ye're not handy with a canoe. You must leave its management to me. You sec how we're fixed, stranger; thar's cliffs all around us; we can't go ahead on foot, an' ' jt wcmld be sartin death to turn back. Thar's nothin'fur it but to shoot the canyon; an' by the etarnal we hain't got a minute to lose. Come--quick!" gecthtion of the crash that was to end our ves. But the canoe dashed on with una- bftted speed, nnd its unmoved pilot kept it straihgt with the Current, though several times it just grazed the projecting points that invited it to destruction. Not a won! was exchanged: once I began to say something, but I could not hear my own voice, and did not attempt it again. "We were now rushing through the deep­ est part of the canyon. \ On either side the cliffs rose like solid walls, hundreds of feet in bight, and the gloom that surrounded us was like that of night. "But, after awhile--it was an age of sus­ pense to me--the walls grew further apart, the river began to widen, and the current became less swift and treacherous. The change was so sudden, out of the fierce and dangerous rapid into a stretch of water where the current was only five or six miles, an hour,-that for a moment I could scarcely realize that we had passed through the danger in safety. " 'We have come eight miles,' said Nick Piper, stopping in his work to recover his breath. - 'The vust is over.' 'Thank God!' I exclaimed, fervently. 'There is another rapid below us," con- continued the trapper, 'but it's a short 'nn, an' not nigh so dangersome. After that comes the lake.' , " 'Then we're approaching a lake?' ! " 'Yes--wal, dnhi my skin, look yahder! Bv the jumpin' Jelioshaphat, I didn't think they'd,dar" do that!' "He half rose to his feet, with dilating 'eyes, as he uttered this sudden exclamation, and for'the first time he seemed a trifle uneasy. "The cause was instantly apparent to me. Glancing back over my shoulder I saw a * canoe tilled with Indians Come Hying out of the narrow part of the canyon from which we had just emerged," « They've dar'd to foller us.' continued 'I didn't think they'd do it. They've allers had a mortal fear o' this ken- yon: but I reckon the imps 'ud ran any risk ruthur'n let me escape. .He! he! I made six on em bite dust since sunri'se. Lord, see how fast they come!" "The Indians set up a wild whoop as they came in sight of us. and bent to their paddles with renewed energy. " 'Th<\v cannot fail to catch us now,' I said, feeliug that all hope was gone. 'See; tliey have half a dozen paddles while we have only one." j "Anyhow, we'll give 'em as lopg a chase as we kin, an' then die fightinY said Piper, philosophically, apparently finding much ' consolation in this conclusion. 'We hain't got but one time to turn up our toes--.' "Suddenly the canoe was seized by a | miahty force,^und hulled downward like a , bullet from a rifie. We had struck the other i rapid, of which the hunter had made men- j tion, and the rocks absolutely seemed to fly ; past us as we were once more borne forward by the roaring, hissing torrent. I "This time, however, it was a short dash, i and ended as abruptly as the other. j "The rocks suddenly opened in front of us. and the lisht craft, darting like a 'bird | from the mouth of the canyon, went skim- I rning out upon the placid surface of a lake." j "It seemed iike-the opening of a paradise } 'upon our vision. It was a lovely valley, . and the'miniature lake, less than two miles I in width, lay like a sheet of burnished silver under the glancing sunbeams, while on every side rose towering cliffs and ! cloud-capped mountains--all making a scene so picturesque nnd sublime that I could not help taking it in. notwithstanding : the imminent peril of the moment. j "But it was no time to give way to admi- \ ration of scenery. We were hotly pursued j by a band of bloodthirsty savages, and, al- j though there was scarcely a chance of es- j cape, it was our duty to make a tremendous | effort, i urged Nick Piper to let me re- j lieve him at the paddle, but he stoutly, and ! no.doubt wisely, refused. His powerful I muscles stood out like bands of steel on his arms, as with long, steady sweeps of the ashen blade, he sent the canoe flying toward the opposite shore of the lake. "I watched anxiously for the appearance of the Indians. In a few moments they came in sight, bursting like a rocket from the darkness of the canon, and heading straight toward us with yells of demoniac fury. "Then began a hot race, with all the odds in favor of the pursuers. With compressed lips, and heaving chest, Nick Piper put forth all his strength in the hopeless en­ deavor to defeat the united muscular power of a half-dozen stalXvart savages; but those six paddles flashed mockingly in the sun­ light, steadily diminishing the distance be­ tween us and our enemies. We saw that we must soon be overhauled, but kept on in the desperate hope that something might occur in our favor if we could only reach the land ahead of the Indians. "On the shore which we were approach­ ing was a peninsula projecting a considera­ ble distance into the lake, and covered by a dense timber. tied up his courage; otherwise lie 1 would have been looking about for ! ghosts and highwaymen, and got fright- ! ened by the sonnd of every falling leaf I or perambulating cat The whistle i prevents him from hearing mysterious i sounds, and his attention being taken ! up with trying to follow the tune and j working his eyebrows in unison, will | have no time to look about for what might be lying in wait for him. And , before he knows it, he will arrive at J the parental domicile and have to study about getting into the bouse without awakening his father. Many a man, and a great many more ladies, have been prevented from com* mitting the sin of profanity be­ cause they whistled when they pounded their forefinger instead i of the tack with which they were at­ tempting to fasten the carpet toward the evening oi a spring-cleaning day. Men whistle when they ara happy, and they whistle when they are sad. When you see a carpenter, or a house painter, pushing the plane, or slabbing on the paint and whistling a lively air at the same time, set him down as a man who pays his debts, is cheerful at home, and never whips the children. When the latter task has to be per­ formed his wife has to do it. When a man is sad he whistles in a doleful tone. Nine times out of ten he won't choose a dismal air, but he will whistle a lively tune, a hornpipe or a negro minstrel end song. And he will draw the melody in and out be­ tween his lips in a way to draw tears from all listeners. Sometimes a man accomplishes the same result when he is cheerful and trying to whistle real good. When a man is studying some complex problem, wondering how he can live at tlio rate of a year on a $500 income, or something of that Sort, if he has not got something to smoke he will whistle. He will walk ap and down the room, or the back yard, or he will sit in a rocking chair, and, thrusting his hands as far as the elbows into his pants pockets and whis­ tle--whistle softly. When a man is suddenly surprised at a preposterous statement, if he is very profane he will say: "H--and d--na­ tion!" If mildly profane he will say: "The d--1!" If not at all wicked he will whistle: "W-h-e-w!" Girls cannot whistle well as a rule. Now and then there is one who can, but she is an honorable exception to the rule. There is one pretty, golden- haired creature in Denver who can whistle first-rate, but the boys usually do not appreciate it, and they let her know it. But girls, as a rule, whistle in a jerky, disconnected sort of way, and groan mildly between tho notes. There used to be a pious old deacon of the Baptist Church who was contin­ ually whistling, although nobody was known to hear him. Wo was a fat, happy-looking gentleman, and ho used to walk with a slow, rolling gait, which, in a shorter man and one of quicker movements, . would have degenerated into a waddle. He always walked with his hands behind him. and liis lips ptused into the attitude of a perpetual whistle. Th,ua he would roll along the quiet streets of the town where he passed his peaceful life, over with the whistle just about to emerge from his lips, but still it never escaped. When he was very young, his schoolnJates, his sweetheart, and later his wife, and the brethren and sisters in the church, his neighbors, children and grandchildren, at the early stage of their acquaintance with him, waited for the tune, but all were disappointed, and lie died and made no sound. Doubtless there was a tune in his mind of so rollicking and worldly a charac­ ter that his position in the church would not allow it to go forth to set- a bad example to the young. Ami so he heroically restrained the earthly desire and went down to his ^?rave with the pucker upon his lips, and the world none the Worse for his having whistled all to himself.--Denver Tribune. Worry. What is my opinion of w6rrv ? Some­ body who knew what he was talking about has naid that it is worry and not work that wear so many people out, and I vote "aye"' on that resolution _ _ every time. It seems, however, to be "jTk^ard itep,Qmt w^^ttw^headed^th^~^JnMte,quaLity of_the,ihiiman, ;mind, At that instant another yell rose on the air, much nearer than before. ' I hesitated no longer, but with a desper­ ate resolve strode forward with the trapper to the brink of the canyon. The water was twenty feet below us, booming along at a terrible rate, and lashing its turbid waves into foam against the jagged rocks. It seemed like entering the jaws of death to go down there, but, as Nick Piper had eaid, it was our only hope; and as the blood-curdling war-whoop of the savages [ was growing unpleasantly near, there was ' no time to lose. j "I reckon Jthey won't follow us," said the ' trapper, with a, gleeful chuckle, "though ! they have got a couple of canoes a little j furder up the river.?' • | "I did not join in- his levity; it seemed terribly out of place at such a time. We clambered down the perilous descent, and entered the canoe that lay there among the xocks. We pushed it out into the boiling ilood. $n an instant it darted down stream like an arrow from the bow, and we felt ourselves whirled along with frightful ve­ locity at the mercy of the raging torrent. "I turned to look at 'my companion. There was actually a grim smile on his rugged features as he knelt in the bottom canoe, and reached it scarcely a furlong in advance of the redskins. As the little ves- t sel scraped on the sandy beach, Nick Piper : and I sprang ashore and ran swiftly across ! the shingle to the shelter of the woods. Tbe pursuers yelled derisively at what they considered useless efforts to escape, and plied their paddles with renewed vim. "But now came a startling surprise for i them. o ' • "No sooner had we plunged into the thick timber than a broad sheet of'flame streamed forth from the shadows of the trees, and the simultaneous report of half a hundred army muskets shook the air. "The result was all that could have been desired. Every one of the six Indians was shot dead, and the canoe, turning bottom- side upward, let the lifeless bodies sink to the bottom cf the lake. "Then there rose a long, loud cheer that made the welkin ring, and, as if by magic, the peninsula suddenly became peopled with blue-coated soldiers. "The explanation is simple. .On landing, we very unexpectedlw found ourselves in the midst of an entire company of United States regulars, who had been anxiously watching the race which they now brought to so abrupt an end. Moreover, it was my own company, and the hearty manner in which the soldiers greeted <me was one of the truly pleasant experiences of my life. The boys, alarmed at my prolonged ab­ sence, and fearing that some serious mis­ fortune had befallen me, had obtained.per­ mission to go in 6earch of their hare­ brained Captain, and had reached the edge of this little lake just in time to save my life. "Of course, with such ample protection, Nick Piper and I pursued our way to the front without fear of further molestation." sweet restorer" and been braced up thereby. A little brain shaken down into the heart will be found an excel­ lent correction in this complaint, and ' the earth will be*^* much more satis- faretorv place of residence as soon as worrying men and women apply the remedy.--Mrs. Brown, in Merchant Traveler. Stories Told at the State Fair. A crop of anecdotes about horse and cattle men have been brought out by the State Fair. One of the characters about whom the horsemen are full of reminiscences is old Bob Walton, who used to come down to Maine from Bos­ ton and buy a good many horses. Bob once sold a horse to a" man with the assurance that tbe horse could make a mile in three minutes. The buyer found that he could not drive the beast a mile in less than four minutes to save his life, and so he told Bob. "Walton," said lie, "you told me this horse could go a mile in three minutes, but he can't go it in less than four." "Well," said Bob, "a man must be in a terrible hurry if he can't wait one minute." Bob was once trying to sell a horse to a clergyman. "Will he stand?" asked the minister. "Stand!" said Bob. "Yos, indeed. He'll stood in front of a rum shop for you all night" Among the cattlemen the stories are going, too. They have revived the old story about the Vassal borough Quaker who told a buyer who was exumining a yoke of cattle: "That nigh ox is the best ox, I ever saw, and I do not see why the off ox isn't just as good." The men bought the oxen and found that the nigh ox was a good one, but the off ox was good for nothing. He re­ proached the Quaker for lying to him about the cattle. "Friend," said the Quaker, "I did not lie. I told thee that the nigh ox is the best ox I ever saw, and I don't see why the off ox isn't just as good--but he i-m't," They tell another yarn about< this same Vassalborough Quaker, fie sold a man a pair of cattle, and told , him they had never troubled him by break­ ing down fences or w'alls. The next day alter buying them the purchaser found them in a neighbors garden. They had broken over the, wall, and were trampling down the 'Vegetables and eating the corn. "Look here?" said he to the Quaker. "I thought you said those cattle never troubled you by being breachy." "Friend," said the Quaker, "I never allow such things to trouble me."-- Lewiston {Me:) Journal. So They ilad. "Bay," shouted a boy in front of the City Hall! ^ j Something like fifty men came to a dead halt. "!Sav! your wife said I should tell you not to forget to bring home tea," continued the boy in a louder voice. Forty-live men wheeled, slapped their legs, and grunted out: "Han"ed if I hadn't forgotten all • about it!"--Detroit Free Pres.-;. "THE smallest book in the world, as the Boston J<-urna1 learns, "is half the size of a postage stamp, and is an edi­ tion of the sacred book- of the Sikhs, belonging to the Earl of Dullorin." "Din it tire you much to listen to the talk of that lecturer last evening?" , asked a ladv of Jier husband. "Yes, it of the boat and wielded the only paddle it i ired me a good deal,/' was the snappish Contained, while his wiry fotm swayed rap- [ reply. or heart, or whatever organ or essence attends to that part of the psychologic function, to be in a constant state of restlessness, and if there isn't some­ thing provided to worry about, it will worry because there isn't. Women be­ ing more nervously constituted than men, do possibly about 75 per cent, of the worrying, but men manage to turn their residuary 25 per cent, over as often as possible and get all they can** out of the investment. Worry, in very many instances, is positively wicked, oind the best evidence of Christianity I know of is the judicious use of com­ mon sense philosophy.1 know women with pleasant homes, sober, industri­ ous, and kind husbands, good boys And dutiful daughters, plenty of money to meet all necessary expences, and with out any real cause of complaint, who continually worry about their homes and families. It doesn't occur to them that husband and. children are to some extent capable of caring for themselves, and that they have as much regard for the proprieties, socially, morally, do­ mestically, and religiously, as the wives and mothers who worry about thetB; It may be pleasant to feel that persons are so interested in us, that what we may do or may not do is of such moment to them that they give up so large a portion of their minds to our affairs as to forget themselves. Yet, the pleasure is marred by the knowledge that such worry becomes at times childish, and so, disagreeable to everybody associated with the worries. Many men who have worrying wives know how true this is, when by some business engagement or other they may be detained from home past the usual hour. To one wife in a mil- tion, possibly, a husband is occasionally .brought home dead or injured, and then the worry over his detention is excusable. In a larger portion, hus­ bands are brought home drunk, and then t'ne worry should be anger, and the riot act should be read in no un­ certain language. Worry is a weak­ ness which thrives on itself, and the woman who w orries an hour this month will have added a few minutes by next month, and so on, until she becomes a. continuous worry," as unplea«fnt to every one as she is painful to herself. Among men,, worrying, as I said, pro- vails less extensively, but there are men who lose nights of sleop over their business affairs, and when the issao comes they discover that they might just qa well have enjoyed "nature's Knowing When They are Pretty. • There are men of experience who will confidently assert that a woman is lovely of face, though they catch but a glimpse of the figure from behind, and they will be right aine times out of ten. Such are guided not by the eye alone, but by symmetry of shape and grace of movement. Ugly women have these qualifications, though as a rule it would be found that their ugli­ ness belongs to that class which logi­ cians would call "accilt ntal." Wilkio Collins tolls how one of his heroes con­ ceived the most glowing fancy of some young girl's face, upon observation of her back; she turec \ ami proved to be a mulatto. 'Ibis s what we should call an "accident.' Tuo beauty nature designed was marred by the luckless chance that her skin and features ap­ pealed only to negro taste. So it is with woman under a variety of circum­ stances, infinite as the risks and com­ binations of human life. The ex­ perienced person iB not deceived by in­ consistencies of his kind. He brings knowledge of the world and mankind to bear. A woman who is beautiful cannot be igno^q^ of the fact unless she be stupid; we read of such things with pleasure, as we read of other agreeable prodigies in romance. But when a girl child porceives that she is welcome everywhere, that old people smile at her approach, and young pay her more attention than her comrades get, she must be duller than are the majority of her sex if the suspicion that she is good looking does not strike her. In a few months suspicion be­ come delicious certainty. Whispers are overheard, glances caught, the mir­ ror anxiously consulted gives pleasing assurance. Even if there fee no ser­ vant, no complacent mother, nor good- natured friend of the family to set her doubts at rest, the warmth and the frankness of boy lovers is proof enough. We do no believe that there over was a girl living in the realms of the inhab- itable globe who did not^know her prettihess, if pretty she was, before reaching the age of 17; but it is sadly true that many girls who are not pretty fall into error on the point.--London Standard. qUAIL SHOOTING. * Placet to If n<l the Birds--Proper Dogi for the Sport. There is no shooting in America more exhilarating than quail shooting, says the Saturday Review. There is none that may be pursued with greater lack of success when the knowledge of the old sportsman is wanting. A few hints may, therefore, not be amiss. On a line close day--one of those magnifi­ cent November mornings that do not dawn anywhere as they do in America --the birds are up early; but if is be wet and cold--blessed with one of those northeast gales which mariners dread on the coast of the United States--then the quail rests in his bed until the day is far advanced, agd breakfasts at a fash­ ionable hour. If a steady rain pours down, the quail takes to the thickets for shelter and the wise sportsman takes to the inn. If the weather has been warm and dry for some time, you will find quails in the low fields, not in the hills where water is scarce; if it has been rainy, the quail will not be found in the lowland?. In short, these birds do not fancy very wet or very dry places, but prefer the rich stubble fields near a running stream. In windy weather they cling to the edge of cover, or lie under the hills for protec­ tion, and in such weather they are dif­ ficult to approach. At noon it is well to rest. Not only may the inner man and tbe inner dog be then refreshed, but the birds will be given time to gather after the scatter­ ing the sportsman has caused. More birds- will have left their watering- places, and will bo feeding in the fields. After half an hour's rest--or, better still, an hour's--one may start again, and will find tbe dog, if he is a good animal, as eager for the sport as at the dawn of day. The setter is the best* dog for general work on quails. In the early part of the season, however, he is apt to suffer from the warmth and dry­ ness of the weather; but he is always ready to penetrate thick coverts, liis long hair giving him ample protection. It is wise to take two dogs--a pointer and a setter--in the American uplands, It is liardly« necessary to remind the sportsmen that they should be thor­ oughly brokeri. When the birds are flushed, the self-;controlled sportsman will avoid «the strong temptation to fire at random into the covey. The birds are separating at a rapid rate, and such a shot is almost sure to be a failure. The old hand selects one bird, and kills him, and has his second barrel ready for any straggler that may rise after the body of the covev. It is absolutely necessary to exercise great care in marking down the birds. They may make for thick cover, and they may drop down Jn the thick bushes along the bank of some brook. The sportsman should follow them as soon as he can reload, and leave his dogs to attend to the dead. Never move till you have reloaded. There are nearly always one or two birds that do not rise with the covey, and when you move you will start them. On this account the dogs should not be allowed to seek dead birds till you have reloaded. It is not always a good plan to follow the birds immediately into a thick covert. The scent will be much better ten or fifteen minutes after they have settled. The American quail fre­ quently gives forth no scent whatever for a considerable time after alighting, and the sportsman who bears this well in mind will often spare his dogs un­ merited punishment. The quality most necessary, however, to the quail shooter is coolness. The American quail has been pronounced a most difficult bird to kill. There is certainly none harder, unless it be the Wilson or English snipe. Hia flight is rapid, unerring, and apparently swifter than it is. No bird is so likely to upset the sport" man's nerve3.--Boston Herald. Is Ignorance Bliss ' When it was discussed among the students of forty years ago, whether civilization contains more happiness than the savage condition, it was for­ gotten that we cannot secure the facts upon the savage side of the case. It is wholly impossible to call the witnesses, because they would not comprehend our questions, nor should we their re­ plies. Upon the side of ciyilization we could pile up the ills of poverty, crime, disease, baffled hopes, unhappy mar­ riages, disappointed ambition, the in­ justice of ^government, and of man to man, but when it comes to hearing the other si^te the barbarian could not be called, nor if called would he find any interpreter. We know, indeed, that poverty is an evil, vain longings are an evil, unhappy married life, ill-health, failures in busi­ ness, vices, sins, all evils, but when we ask what it is to be a Sioux Indian, or a Fiji Islander, or a Bushman 6f Af­ rica--a mind that has a few grunts for a language, revenge for amusement, raw meat and stupid sleep for luxuries --no answer can come to us, because we have never been in that death of soul and mind, and therefore cannot come, as by a resurrection, to bring any report to the court of civilization. If one were to ask you whether it was better to be a man or a dog, it toould be almost imperative for von to confess the difficulty of the answer, bo- cause of your inability to secure the facts upon the dog's side.--Professor Swintj. A Very Bad Case. "Lay the cat on lightly, please," said the Delewaro wite-beater to the Sheriff who was about to apply the lash to his back; "lay it on lightly and you will soothe my angry feelings." "Soothe your angry feelings,,sir?" said the Sheriff. "Yes; a soft tan, sir, turneth away wrath."--Boston Courier. A. Beautifrtl Memory. 1 had jnst run out from a rose pavil­ ion, erected in the center of a great bazaar, to get a peep at Abraham Lin­ coln, who was slowly making his way through a vast concourse of people. My hands were full of roses. Leaning over the balustrade of the winding stairway, I could see him in the hall below, his tall figure looming up above those about him. He had been inter­ cepted as he passed a supper table, and just at that moment was poising between thumb and finger a fragile saucer, into which, from a fairy-like ' cup held high in the air, poured a fra­ grant stream of hot tea. This primi­ tive cooling process continued calmly, with hundreds curiously looking on, until the last drop of the beverage was appreciatively swallowed, and then the tall, quaint man moved on and up the stairs. I bided my time, and as the strong, homely face of the President, in ascending, came upon a level w;ilh my laughing girl eyes. I held out my beautiful roses as a welcome. They were instantly clasped, hands and all, lost in his great, generous palms, but the eyes above remained unsmiling, and I was sure they had not once fallen upon me. Slipping quickly back to the pavil­ ion I gathered up fresh clusters of roses, and there, where he must pass, reawaited his approach, saying to my­ self, with the unfathomable desire of a choice, "Once again he shall greet me --shall clasp my hands and accept my roses--even though he should not once think of the donor." And so I waited, wondering if he cared for flowers and girls. On he came, seemingly unaware of his surrounding, so far away his deep eyes gazed and so strangely was he surely disjoined from the jostling crowd, I pressed once more the lovely roses, white and pink hearted, into his hands, and as before he took them, lit­ tle trembling fingers and all, while his eyes never falling upon my eager, up­ turned face, went on beyond all else. "I will say 'Good bye,' to him with roses, for lie sees nothing beside." I laughed, recovering from my disap­ pointment, and with fresh blossoms made my way to intercept him as he departed at the great door. There was a pause Ihere, so dense and persistent was the throng, and once jnore I laughed up with my roses into the sombre, faraway face of Abraham Lin­ coln. Then, at last, down into my eyes looked his own, and from out their shadow a sudden light seemed to grow, which spread over liis immobile, color­ less features, with the wiered, almost startling f-mile, sweet as a loving wo­ man's, fell upon me and my roses. "I have known you all the time, ray child," it seemed to say to my delighted senses, and then, for the last time, my hands and my blossoms were gathered up in the warmth of his own, and Abra­ ham Lincoln went out of my sight for­ ever.--Marie Le Baron. A shopman has a learned pig that lie is try to teach to sing, but tlio young swine won't learn. It is thought that lie fears it w ould bring him to the (,p)saltery. "CATO," said a surgeon to a colored attendant in a hospital, "which is the most dangerous cafe in this ward?" "Dat one is, sail," answered Cato, pointing to the surgeon's case of instru­ ments that he had just laid on the table. midshipmen's Pranks. "Hold on here! Clap a stopper on your jaw-tackles, yonnir gentlemen, be­ fore you run out o' rope."- This was what jolly Capt. Babbit said as he stepped between two mid­ shipmen on the government wharf at Key West, for they were loud at words and seemed about to come to blows. They both belonged to his ship, the United States sltfop of war Boston, which lay at anchor in the harbor, just in from a cruise among the Windward Islands of the West Indies. "What is the trouble between you twO) messmates?" he continued, as the two middies drew back with flashing eyes and blenched fists. "He is trying to cut me out with my girl, sir, and I'm not going to stand it!" said young J., a blue-eyed blonde of 12 years or thereabouts: "I've got as good a right to go and see the girl as he has, and she likes me best, any way 1" said the other, who was two years the oldest and had the dark eyes and complexion of a "South­ ern" born. "It's false! She eares only for me-- she told me so with her own lips!" cried young J. "This is a grave matter. Yon must not forget you are officers in a service which brooks no dishonor," said the Captain, with difficulty keeping back a smile. "You have each impugned the word of the othen. I sec noway for you out of this difficulty but mutual apologies, or else--as gentlemen, you must fight it out!" "That's just what I want!" said C., the elder. "If the girl isn't worth fighting for let him give her up!" "She is!" said J. fiercely. "Name your weapons and I am ready!" "I will name the weapons and second you both in the battle!" said the Cap­ tain, gravely. "It is a knightly contest for the favor of a 'ladye faire.' You shall fight on horseback with good Single sticks, and the ond who is conquered shall never after in­ terfere with the love of the other!" "I am satisfied with the plan, sir!" said the younger reefer. "Very well, young gentlemen. Se­ cure your horses and meet me on the parade grounds, in front of the old bar­ racks, in an hour. I will see the weap­ ons are provided." Now there were but two horses on the island, and I reckon the Captain knew it. One was a gaunt old cart horse, belonging to Col. O'Hara, the British Consul, the other a little Cher­ okee pony, belonging to Collector Stephen Mallory, afterward Confeder­ ate Secretary of the Navy. Young J. secured the latter animal in all haste, so his older, and heavier, antagonist had to put up with the old white cart horse--a stiff" and awkward beast, but double the height and weight of the pony. At the hour the two rode out on the parade ground, where the Captain and a select party of officers, and quite a crowd of citizens awaited them. . The weapons, two ashen stacks, basket-liilted, and about the size of ship's cutlasses, were handed up to the midshipmen, and they were told to face each 6ther a ship's length apart, and at the word, as given by the Cap­ tain, to charge, and each do his best in assault and defense. Both, like all the men and officers on board ship, were used to the exercise, single-sticks in lieu of swords in prac­ tice, and the only advantage was in the mounts. When the Captain cried, "Ready, charge!" young J. dashed forward on the spirited little pony, while C. kicked and belabored his huge animal into a slow trot. The pony shot past the large horse and J. got in a sweeping blow on one of the legs of his antagonist, dodging a cut aimed at his head by his oppo­ nent. Wheeling in an instant he came up in the rear of C. and before the latter could turn his unwieldy beast a dozen sharp blows were poured in on .his back and shoulders by the better mounted and more agile J. The latter saw his advantage and made play around his antagonist, hit­ ting him nearly everywhere he liked, for the large horse could not be kept in motion, while the pony was on the jump all the time, and poor C. had not the glost of a chance to get in on his opponent. Cheers rose from the lookers on, but the contestants took little heed of them. C. was desperate, and J. so sure of victory that lie began to grow careless, and consequently got some pretty sharp knoks. These stirred him up, and he made iip his mind to end the matter. So once more taking the unwieldy charger in the rear he got a blow in which dis­ abled the right arm of C., who, drop­ ping his weapon, was now at the mercy of his foe. The Captain called a halt and told tho bruised and battered rider of the large horse that he must consider him­ self fairly vanquished, and thenceforth there must be no more quarreling be­ tween the two. It was a funny affair, but better got through with than it would have been had pistols been used, as they generally were in those days. To the delight of young J., as well as to the mortification of poor C., Miss Drus.lla D., the fair cause of the con- tension, was an eye witness to the whole affair. In the end, years after, though she had been adnfired and courted by a dozen or more naval and army officers, she married a poor stick of a civilian who was hardly worth the salt he ate. Such is female taste. She refused Sherman when ho was a Second Lieu- tenate in the Third Artillery. Ho was lucky.--Ned Buiitline. PITH AKB POIHT. Michael Angelo's Mistake. In the central square of the Capitol at Home, surrounded on three sides by buildings, Stp.nds a very large bronze statue of Marcus Aurelius, once Em­ peror of liome, mounted on a spirited horse. This is the only equestrian statue which has been preserved in a perfect condition out of the many that decorated ancient Home. Michael An- gelo, who designed the buildincs which at prcseut stand on this hill,was very fond oi this statue, and especially admired the hofse. < ^ne day, while he was studying it, ho forgot that it was not alive, and wishing to see it in an­ other portion, ho cried out, "Cam:" which means, go on. After looking at this horse for some time, one might oaKil^imagine that a shout or a touch of a whip would make him jump.-^- Frank li. Stockton, in St Nicholas. Kaies for C crgynien. Clergyman (to hotel clerk)--"What do you 'charge a day ?" Clerk--"Two dollars." Clergyman--;"You have rates for clergymen, of course?' Clerk--"Oh, yes, sir." Clergvman--"How much are they ?' Clerk--"Two dollars."--New VorJ. Times, It la a bad omen to owe men. ^ - WHEN Dame Fortune wants a recruit* die calls for him. IK prosperity, enemies flatter; in acjji versity, friends encourage. NATURE puts up the perfect form f< fashion to desecrate--White Hi Times. IF you have a decided ltgnt for particular thing, be careful not to s: clown on it.--Carl Pretzel's Weekly. THERE is a time when even a preachflt is excusable for swearing, it is wheft he is on the witness stand.--Brooklyn Times. # MAN can subdue the elephant, th* lion and the rhinoceros, but the tiger generally gets the best of him.--TeaeW Sifting*. THE CAU8K OF IT Last night be wrestled with chamt>asnSi To-day the youth is ill at ease; The cause to him is very plain, It was the salmon and green peas,' " --Boston Courier. THE dropping of water will cut hole through granite, but the sum . 'human experience goes to show th«| kindness is wasted on a mule.--Chica^M * Ledger. AN Indian doctress pulls teeth to the music of a German band. Shakspeare knew what he was talking about when he spoke of one pain's burning out an- ' other's anguish.--St. Paul Herald. YOUNG man, you cannot raise an af­ fection in the girl's heart and a mous­ tache on you lip at the same time. Th^ - soul cannot bear two such agonizing strains at the same time.--Fall Rivft Advance. "GOING to fire up to-nijjlit?" said % A joker to a minister who was on his way to prayer meeting, one cold evening. "Yes," replied the good man; "don't you want to come in and warm?"-- Chicago Ledger. THIS country produces sixty millions of eggs every day. Forty-fivb millions are used for culinary purposes, while fifteen millions are required to prevent lecturers from talking the people to death,--Newman Independent. JOHN KEATS was a charming poet, but when he built love letters he had those things on him worse than the inebriated chap who pared his corns with a kraut-cutter and tried to part his back hair with a boot-jack.--Bar~ ber's Gazette. SUMMER SPOET. A. small boy sita on an old dak stump And into a rotten hole He pokes with the force of a suction-pump The end of a hickory pole. But anon the small boy madly flees With a wail as loud as a gong. Alas! he had tackled a nest of bees And was hit by the queen bee's prong. -- Washington Hatchet. SOME persons think the world is growing worse end want another flood to drown out the wickedness. When, the flood comes, it will require an ark no larger than the one employed in the days of Noah to hold all the genuine Christians on earth. And then they won't be crowded for room.--Norris- town Herald. "CONGRATULATE me," cheerily ex­ claimed Mr. Brenty, to old man Jenks, coming into his office one morning. "What for?" asked the old man,testily. "I was married last week." "Second time, I believe." "Yes." "Well, well, souie men never will learn anything, it seems to me. I'm sorry for you."--Mer­ chant Traveler. "YES," said the doctor to the editor, "you need exercise; your blood is slug­ gish, your circulation is weak, not what it ought to lift" "Circulation weak, not what it ought to be," re­ peated the editor warmly; "why, sir, I wish you to understand that onr circu­ lation is double that of any of our con­ temporaries.--Boston Courier. "Do YOU KNOW," said an Evansville young man to a friend, "that my girl has the greatest taste of any girl in town?" "Why no, I don't; I don't see anything remarkable about her taste." "Well, you haven't gone with her as much as I have." "No, but I see her often." "Yes, but you don't go with her. If you had to take her to all the oysters suppers in winter apd all the strawberry and ice cream festivals in summer, you'd think she had more taste than anybody. She tastes so much that he keeps me poor."--Evans- ville Argus. "YAS, boss," said Unole Cephus, "dem Jonsings am de highest toned colored people in de hull State. De pride ob dem young ladies is sumpin dat's past de onderstanding ob a com­ mon niggah. You see, dere grand- fader he died ob some kind of a high- toned misery in de back, wich de doc- tors called 'de cebrum spinal men • jetters, an' upon dat fac' de fambly hab been foundered. No, boss, I doan know what kind ob men dem 'men in jetters' is, but I spec dey is way up, caze Mi ss Libble she dun 'lowed dat de fam­ bly wus a-goin' to hab a cote ob a'ms.* --Detroit Free Press. ' • ' < Mysterious Joke. A joke is a mystery $o some people. In a certain court in this State on a time the proceedings were delayed by the failure of a witness named Sarah Mony to arrive. After waiting a Ibng time* for Sarah the court concluded to wait no longer, and, wishing to crack ' his little joke remarked, "This court will adjourn without Sarah-mony.* Everybody laughed except one man, who sat in solemn meditation for five minutes, and then burst into a hearty guffaw, exclaiming, "Isee it! I see it!" When he went home he tried to tell the joke to his wife. "There was a witness named Mary Mony who didn't coine,* said lie, "and sp the court said, "We'll adjourn without Mary-Mony." "I don't see any point to that," said his wife. "I know it," said he, "I didn't at first; but you will in about five minutes."-- ^Lewiston (Me.) Journal. He Didn't Kan. Moses Case was an albino, whiter than a Caucasian, though his parents- • were pure blacks. He went to the Mexican War as a musician in a Ken* tucky regiment. He was supposed to have made a precipitate retreat on one occasion, and, on being asked if he did1 not run, replied: "Not exactly, but if I had been goin' for a doctor you would have thought the man was very sick.-- GaIveston Neics. English the Cheapest Language. At the best summer hotels every­ where there is a tendency to do away with the use of French on bills-of-fare. The movement ori"inated with the landlords, who found that as their guests could not read French they or­ dered eve-yihing on the bill, making it a very expensive racket--Boston Post HAVE some aim in life aside from merely existing and obtaining means to do so. It is a noble thing to work and live for some great good, nud to feel that you are of use^ to tlie world, and not a mere nonentity and drone in the hivo. MRS. JOHN C. GREEN, widow of tbe 1 rinceton College patron, is worth fio.ooo.ooa

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