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McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 23 Dec 1885, p. 7

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VASTNKSS. aCany a baarth upon onr daxk globa «%»• (AM many a vanished face, Manj a planet by many a s On may roll with th* (aust of a vanished race, 'Having politics, never at rest--aa this poor earth's pale history ruins-- "What is it all biu a trouble of ants in this gleam of a million miilion of suns? 'Xiies upon this side, lies up&n that side, truthless violence mourn'd by the wise, "Thousands of voices drowning hia own in a pop­ ular torrent of lies upon Lea; -Stataly purposes, valor in battle, glorious annals of army and fleet. Death for the right eaaae, death for the wrong cause, trumpets of victory, groans of defeat; Innocence seothca in her mother's milk, and Charity setting the martyr aflame; ' Thraldom who walks with the bannor of Freedom, aad recks not to ruin a realm in her name; Faith at her zenith, or all but lost in the gloom of doubts that darken the schools; •Craft witu a bunch of all-heal in her hand, fol­ low'd up by her v&Bsal legion of fools; Pain, tVat has crawl'd from the corpse of pleasure, a worm which writhes all day, and at night -Stirs rp again in the hc-art of the sleeper, and stings him back to the curse of the light; Wraith with his wines and bis wedded harlots Flattsry gi ding the rift of a throne; •Opulent Avarice, lean as Poverty; honest Poverty baro to tho bone ; liove for the maiden crown'd with marriage, no regrets for aught that has been. Household happiness, less competence, golden mean; gracious children, debt- ilden i and National hatreds of whole generations, pigmy spites of the villiage spire: Tows that will last to the last death-ruckle, and vows that are snapt in a moment of fire; He that has lived for the lust of the minute, and diod in tho doing it, fl- sh without mind; .'He that has nail'd oil flesh to the cross, till self died out in the love of his kind; : Spring and summer and autumn and winter, and all these old revolutions of earth; All new-old revolutions of empire--change of tide--what is all of it worth? "What the philosophies, all the sciences, poesy, varying voices of prayer? -- All that is noblest, all that is basest, all that is filthy, with all that is fair? 'What is it all, if we all of us end but in being onr own corpse-coffins at last, , "Swallowed in vastness, lo t in silence, drown'd in the deeps of a meaningless past? 'What but a m irmur of gnats in the gloom,' or a moment's anger of b'oes in their hive?-- "Peace, let it be! for I loved him, and love him for­ ever ; the dead are not dead, but alive. --Alfred Tennyson, in Macmillan't Magazine. FORCE OF CIRCUMSTANCES. BY CHAD. . IROCFCULEE FIKST. They were going to have a grand ball and masquerade at the Higginses', and Among the large number of invited guests •was our friend "Dal" Wrinkle. "Let me see," soliloquized Dal, after reading the in­ vitation. "What in thunder shall I be, an '.Italian organ-grinder, Malay Prince, Queen of May, or a Cannibal King? No, I've been all those as the former ball masques given by the Higgenses. 1 might rig up as an alderman or politician, but I could never stand it. It would require too much stuf­ fing and padding to give me the proper sized stomach. Oh, bang it all, anyway! I •would'nt go to this ball, if it wasn't for the fact that Miss Nellie Brightsmile would be present. I must get a new 'make up,' too, and that's what puzzles me. "Within the last six months,at the various masquerades. I've been everything, from a masculine fairy, to a wild, untortored Co­ manche Indian," and Dah sighed wearily, as he raised the window and glanced thoughtfully down the street. Suddenly his face brightened as a seraphic smile chased its way across his beardless visage. "Eureka!" he yelled, "I'll be a policeman," and jumping to his feet,- he executed a break-down on the floor, which brought the landlady up-stairs, in great haste, to find out whether the house was on fire, or if one of the boarders had committed suicide, through melancholia, brought on by eating the galvanized fire-proof biscuit, which served as the "staff of life," in that cheer­ less household. Dal was standing with bis back to the door (having concluded his dance), looking into a large mirror which hung on the side wall, adjusting his cravat, when the landlady opened the door with surprising force, striking Dal in the small of the back and precipitating him through the mirror head-foremost where he nearly had his brains knocked oat on the wall be - youd. "Oh, Mr. Wrinkle! Just see what you've done!" exclaimed the landlady in a grievous voice, as soon as Dal had ex­ tricated himself from the debris of broken attracted to a large crowd gathered in front of a saloon about two blocks away. His curi­ osity aroused, he quickened his pace tuid as he drew near he observed that the crowd scattered in all directions leaving two of their number pofinding each other vic­ iously. - "A fight." said Dal to himself; "I voider where are the police." • * • By this time he reached the place where the men wer§ rolling together on the ground clinched like bull-dogs; "Hi! there," shouted a voic<* in his ear, "Hadn't we bettor be after taken them to the stashun now, seein' the crowd's gone?" Turning around Dal beheld the herculean form of a policeman. "I don't care what yon do with them," he Answered "Don't. ye? Well faith an' that's cool. Sure an' what are ye paid for, I'd like to know, but to haul in all the drunks, yon come across, pervidin' they're harmless." Suddenly it occuired to Dal that the officer had mistaken him fqf a lirother 'policeman, for he still wore his masquerade attire. So pulling his hat down over his eyes he an­ swered, "All right, I will help you run them in, but I am not on duty at present." "Come, now," he shouted to one of the ruffians, as he grasped him by the arm, "I Want you." "I ain't doin, nuthin," whined the man. "No, I persume ye call that noth­ ing." chimed in the policeman, "a-punching of that duffer's head. But ye must come along all the same," and, raising the men by their coat collars, the officer and Dal. strolled for the station with their prisoners, where they arrived after a short walk. En­ tering the station they cast the two wretches into a cell, and after entering the offense, started to leave the station, when the ser­ geant exclaimed, to Dal, "Officer, where is your star?""I,--I--lostit.eii," he answered. "What was the number?" "6,471," replied Dal, in desperation. "6,471," exclaimed the amazed sergeant, "why there is no such number. What is your name?" he asked, taking down a- big volume from a book­ case, nearby. "Kelly, sir, is the name," replied Dal. "There must be plenty of Kellys on the force," thought he. * "Ah, ves," continued the sergeant, "Kelly, here it is--Kelly, W. J. Kelly, T. W.Kellv. Patrick William; what is your full name please?" "Michael Kelly; sir," "Michael elly? Here is Kelly, John H. Kelly, P. D. and plenty of other Kellys, but I must j inform you that Michael Kelly does not be- I long to the force, and I think, sir, that yon j are an imposter. Officer, place this man | in a cell, please; we'll investigate his casein the morning." And in spite of Dai's pro­ testation he was placed behind the! grates and the door locked on him. "Well, here's a nice fix, Mr. Dalrymple, Lorenzo, Wrinkle," said he to himself; "this is what you get for impersonating an officer;" but still he could not suppiess a smile to think of how but a few hours be­ fore he had been one of the merriest of mortals. "Surely, this is quite a change," he re­ marked to himself, "from the gilded ball­ room to the cold stone walls of a cell in the station-house." He looked at his watch, lacked but a few minutes to 5 o'clock. "Two whole hours yet," he said, with a yawn, "before I can get out of this con­ founded place. Well, I might as well make the best of it," and, taking a cigar from his pocket, he proceeded to enjoy a smoke. The time passed slowly enough, and when at last he was released from the cell, and marched into the court-room, it seemed as if he had spent a week, instead of a few hours, behind the bars. "What is the offense?" asked the Justice, a man with a very small head and a mam­ moth body. , "Impersonating an officer, yer Honor," replied the policeman who had accompa- ined Dal to the station. . "Your Honor," said Dal, appealing to the court, "let me explain." "Shut up!" roared the court. "I wouldn't believe you, sir, under oath." The policeman then told the court all the particulars of the prisoner's arrest, and a great deal more, showing how he had, single-handed, escorted the two "drunks," and their desperate companion (pointing at Dal), to the station, winding up his long harangue by remarking: "He's a bad 'un, yer Honor. Sure an' I ve had me eye on him for some time." "What a cold-blooded liar!" inwardly re­ marked Dal. "Young man," said the comt, "I fineyon $20 and costs." "Twenty dollars," gasped Dal. "flow much are the costs?" "The costs are $10." "Why, this is robbery, • " "Shut up!" roared the court. "I raise your fine to $30 and costs, which will make $40," Farming in the Old World. Consul General Mattson, at Calcutta, Bays: "The small American0 garden plow, which turns a furrow of eight or faine inches, aud is so light that a ten- year-old boy can carry it on his shoul­ der, and a good-sized pony can work it in the field, is, in my judgment, the •ery plow io introduce into Inlia, where an immense market awaits the Successlul manufacturer." From our consular reports it is gleaned that the almost exclusive use of hand labor in farming operations in Japan, and the comparatively nominal cost.of the rude native implements that fully meet the farmer's requirements Seem to preclude the introduction of American machinery. The latter is used only on tho government experi­ ment farms* An American merchant in Japan says he has tried to sell nearly every description of American imple­ ments, but without success. Now he has a stock in his warehouse which has been on hand for fifteen years. Farm labor is so cheap that it is practically impossible to underbid it with labor* saving machinery. The methods of agriculture pursued in China, and the tools used, are of the most primitive form. Even an apology for a shovel is seldom to be met with, while the hoe is a long, narrow and heavy blade, used for almost all pur­ poses. The plow is a rough and clumsy affair, with only one "stilt," and only the point shod.with iron. The harrow resembles that used in this country; and the rake, when used at all, is j formed of curved and split bamboo, but is frail and of little value. Farm j carts or wagons are infrequent, very ; clumsy, of solid wooden wheels, and rudely fashioned. Threshing is per­ formed as in the time of Moses--by spreading the sheaves on an earthen threshing floor and driving unmuzzled cattle over the grain to tread it out. Winnowing is done on the same floor by pouring the grain from uplifted baskets for the wind to drive away the chaff, with sometimes a huge fan wielded by an assistant coolie. Some­ times the grain is ground between millstones --the under one stationary, and the upper turned by a bullock that travels in a circle. Sometimes two women grind at a mill, as in the time of Herod of Galilee. Nearly all bur­ dens in China are borne ou men's shoulders, and thus crops are trans­ ported. Labor is so cheap and culti­ vation so subdivided that often every plant has a special culture, and daily irrigation with liquid manure is ap­ plied, especially with all food vegeta­ bles. The African farmers are Dutchmen or descendants of Dutchmen. They are located near the Cape of Gora Hope. They are conservative in all their views, and, as a rule, are pre­ judiced against too many innovations on old-established customs, they do pot keep pace w>th the latest inven­ tions. They still adhere to the old- style farm wagon of twenty-five years ago, the motive power of which is furnished by teams of oxen or often mules. These vehicles are capable of carrying a dead weight of not less than eight tons. Efforts have been contin­ ually made for the past quarter of a century to introduce improved agricul­ tural implements and machinery, but the taste of the tribes for war is stronger than their love for bucolie pursuits. Throughout nearly all of Europe, the consuls say, modern machines are being used. "If!" "Stand back, irentlemeo 1 (Sear tho tr*pk I" shouted the police, and, as the quickly (fath­ ering crowd surged back, steamer No. 4 came up the street, the magnificent, black horses striking lire from the pavement. But hold: A wheel comes off! the steamer Is overturned, nnd the brave trernen are picked up bleeding and aensoljis?! An investigation revealed too fact that in oiling the steamer that morning the steward had neglected to put in the linch-pin. A little neglect on his part had caused a loss of a half-million dollars. The busy marts of trade are full of men' who are making the same fatal mistake. They neglect their kid­ neys, thinking they need no attention, whereas if they made occasional use or War­ ner's safe cure they would never say that they don't feel quite well; that a tlrod feel­ ing bothers them; that they are plagued with indigestion; that their brain refuses to re­ spond at call; that their nerves are all un­ strung.--Fire Journal. T- j* |' A Pretty Picture on the Plains. Once only did we ever see that def­ erence to woman which civilized man considers to be due to her. It was a pretty picture, needing no touches of art or varnish of imagination. A young buck rode up to our gate leading by the halter a pony on which was seated a daintlv attired squaw, whose tunic and leggings must have been cut by the most fashionable dress Maker of the camp to fit her exquisite form No cavalier could have dismounted her with more care and grace. Taking her hand he led her into the house, and striking the attitude of a Romeo, ex­ claimed: "See 'em! My squaw, my squaw. * Their cleanly appearance en­ titling them to unusual consideration, they were ushered into the dining room. Coffee, bread and meat having been spread upon the table, he placed a chair for her, declining one for him­ self, but settling upon his haunches on the floor, fixing his admiring gaze up­ on her while she ate her food, and re­ fusing any share until her appetite was satisfied. Afterward standing by her side, he appropriated the remnants of the meal. Then he departed with her, bestowing his blessing upon us: "Good a man, good a woman," and lifting his divinity upon her horse rode away, his last words being: "See 'em, my squaw, heap fine squaw!" They were evident- ' ly on their bridal tour.--Rose Fork Agency letter. Three Quotations. When a man is hanging, cut him down, then go through his pockets. -- Texas Pout, When a man is coughing give him Red Star Cough Cure.--Baltimore News. When you want to conquer pain, use St-_ Jacobs Oil.--Philadelphia News. "Better say, what you've done," bit­ terly replied Dal, as he wiped the blood from a cut on his nose, and spit out half a dozen teeth from his mouth. "Mr. Wrinkle! how dare you talk so? What I've done. Just as if I were to blame for your intoxicated actions." This last hit was too much for Dal. "Intoxicated, do you say, madame? Why! I never was more sober in my life, and dp you think, madam, that when I am intoxi­ cated I'm such a blamed fool as to go gal- lopping around, running my head through two inches of plate-glass, and also using it as a battering ram with which to overthrow boarding-houses? No, madam! It is one of our proudest and most distinguished boasts that a Wrinkle never yet lost his head through drink. No madame! a Wrinkle never yet tried to decapitate him­ self by plunging through a six by four mir­ ror, and"--the sudden bang of the door in­ formed him that the irate land-lady had withdrawn, so, seating himself on the bed, Dal resumed his soliloquy. "Yes, I'll rig up as a "cop;" besides, I've always noticed that the girls were rather partial to these brass-buttoned members of society, so for one night I will be a policeman bold. Hur­ rah! 'My soul's in arms and eager for the fray.' "Let her come." VOLUME SECOND The night of that great social event, Hig­ ginses' grand ball masque, at last arrived, and Mr. Dalrymple Lorenzo Wrinkle (that being the full, unabridged name of our hero), arrayed in the uniform of "one of the finest," shone forth as one of the bright and leading lights of the assemblage. Be­ sides completely capturing the heart of the captivating Nellie Brightsmile, he had nearly shattered the heaiip of a score of other attractive damsels, trad even the three Misses Squeakum, who were also damsels, but of a more remote period, had been ob­ served casting blank smiles, and shy flances at the flying coat-tails, and blazing rass buttons, as Mr. Dalrymple Lorenzo Wriukle led his happy partner through the mazy waltz. It is needless to add' that Mr. Wrinkle was happy. For who would not be happy with the angelic Nellie Brightsmile monopolizing the whole of one arm, and a good shore of the other one, with her beautiful liquid eyes gazing softly Into your own optic, while her breath, the soft perfume of a thousand flowers, gently fanned your cheek--what mortal would, not, cry out unto his soul, as did Mr. Dal­ rymple Wrinkle: "Oh joy! Oh rapture! Bliss divine, How I wish that she were mine I" But, alas! time'even will not pause one precious second, for such scenes of ex­ quisite bliss, but ruthlessly hurries on. speeding us on through both scenes of joy and sorrow. It will not prolong our joys, but does shorten our sorrows, for each fleet­ ing second brings us nearer the tomb, where all men are at last equal. For who can distinguish the dust of the beggar from that of the millionaire, or the bones of the peasant from those of the king? Truly, in­ deed, is "Death the great leyeler of all" (a la Bulwer Lytton, has nothing to do with the story). So with Dal; the evening quickly passed, and after escorting the charming Miss Brightsmile to her palatial residence, he proceeded joyfully, with a light heait, on nis way homeward, for Miss Brightsmile had, in her sweetest company voice, invited him to call on her some even­ ing. He was plodding along, deeply wrapped in his own pleasant, high-castle thoughts, when suddenly his attention was A Chinese Barber. One of the important personages in Mott Street, New York, is Lee An, the Chinese barber. Unlike hia American icolleaguee, he does the larger part of his business in the stores or residences Of his customers. A reporter of the [New York Sun found him yesterday iand was shaved. The shave was a suo- teeaa. The chair is a low, three-legged -fitool, on which the customer sits bolt upright. Coat, waistcoat, necktie, and collar are removed, and a common long cloth put around the neck. The face Thank you, sir," replied Dal, "Here is j and throat are washed with perfume $50. I will take the change out in cursing, j >water, and dried with a soft towel, and Ybu're a d--n 6coundrel (to the court), and ; remaining moisture being removed by you," turning to the policeman, "area eow- ! & vigorous fanning. The shaving that ardly rascal. and if 11 ever run across you • , u resembles our own style, ex- on the street, I will break your neck." i ^ -f ' - "Hold on, you've had your $10 worth," ^ept thn* almost no lather is used, interrupted the court. "You can go." * I After going over the face and throat, With an empty pocket-book, and a bosom swelling with righteous indignation, Mr. Dalrymple Lorenzo Wrinkle left the court­ room. Since then whenever he happens to meet a policeman on the street he clinches his hands convulsively, and mutters: •Lee shaves the back of the neck and temples, and if the eyebrows are irreg- | ular, cuts away enough hairs to pro- j duce tlie symmetry desired. The sec- , ond part of the operation is what he j prides himself upon. The razor is ,. I dried and put awav; from his kit he I'll not be responsible for my actions >' ,i „i,„ Then, with the step of when I meet him. an avenging Nemesis, producer two small ear razors, clip on ( pers, tweezers, scrapers, and sponges, Should he ever meet thJ^bjSTof his : aod with the&e proceeds to^ embellish search we will not fail to give the readers the ea I s. He first shaves off the down of the Ledger the particulars of what will |on the outside, and then, with a dex- be a bloody tragedy, the like of which will irons sweep of the wrist, the hair on make even John L. Sullivan shake in his the inside of the ear. The blade of boots.--The Chicago Ledger. The 'Possum en Judgment Day. A planter owned a slave named Mose, who was an inveterate 'possum hunter. Away back in 1833 there was a most remarkable meteoric shower, popularly known as "when the stars fell." Uncle Mose was out in a hurri­ cane track where the logs lay thick, indulging in his favorite pass-time. His boy Jeff was with him, and they had caught a 'possum and inserted his tail in a cleft sapling, in the usual fashion, and Jeff was carrying the pole on his shoulder. Suddenly the whole earth was illuminated by the shower of falling meteors. Uncle Mose gazed up in mute astonishment as the blazing stars went shooting hither and thither, stretching their flaming tails across the horizon in an awe inspiring manner. Then he stampeded. He would run a short distance, fall over a log, and then get on his knees and pray. Then he would make another dash, trip over a decaying branch, and begin praying again. Jefl scrambled after him, still holding onto his 'possum. All of a sudden Mose remembered it was Sun­ day night, and then he prayed louder than ever. Jeff called out: "Daddy, wot mus' I do wid dis 'possum V" "Great Lord o' massy! Jeff, hab you got dat 'possum yit? Turn 'im loose! let'em go, yo' fool nigger! De worl' am comin' to an eeji'. an' w'en de Load ax me wot I mean by huntin' 'possum on Sunday night, doan yo' know Idoan want dat 'possum to 'pear in judgment agin me?"--Macon (Ga.) Telegraph. A Typical Texas Landlord. On the 1st of the month Jim Murry, an Austin landlord, called on Hostet- ter McGinnis for rent. "Mr. Murry, I don't think you ought to charge me $20 a month for the rent of this room. When it rains the water runs right into the room through the roof--it leaks so." "What? There is water running on the premises? You will have to pay $5 extra for that. How long have yon been enjoying the water privilege at my expense?"--Texas Sifting*. A GOOD Moore. writer for a greedy man-- {this ear razor is about as large as a imatch, and is concaved almost into a crescent. The sensation is pleasant {rather than otherwise. With his other instruments he rubs and polishes the ear until its color is a bright pink. The third part of the job is a Sweedish- movement cure on a small scale. The muscles of the face, scalp, and throat are kneaded, pinched, and pulled, even the eyelids being exercised. Then the large muscles of the arms and trunk are alternately flexed and extended, the linger joints "cracked," and the head twisted into a dozen positions. The finishing touch consists in being patted and pounded with Lee's fist and open hand from the top of the head to the small of the neck, attd the job is complete. Time, thirty minutbs, and cost, "hap dollee." Perpetual Motion. There is a clock at Brussels whits' comes about as near being a perpetual- motion machine as can be invented, for the sun does the winding. A shaft ex­ posed to the solar rays causes an up* draught of air which sets a fan in mo­ tion. The fan actuates mechanism which raises the weight of the clock until it reaches the top, and then puts a break on the fan until the weight has gone down a little, wfiien the fan Is again liberated and proceeds to act as before. As long as the sun shines fre­ quently enough, and the machinery does not wear out, the clock is prac­ tically a perpetual-motion machine. Extruerdicary Luck. - Two men riding on a railroad train One of them buys a book and, and af­ ter reading it a while, throws it down, turns to his chance companion and says: "This is the dullest book I ever saw. It is a fraud. I'd like to maul the au­ thor. What are you taking off your coat for?" "I am the author." -- Arkanmw •Traveler. No WELL-REGULATED pinister will of­ fer a supplement to an extremely long prayer. ; A BAD owersman can never paddle his own <ane« Why Some People Fail In Business. They neglect details. They fail to push business. They talk politics too much. They imitate their neighbors. They have no eye to business. Tliev know not the power of method. They become rusty and lose am­ bition. , They let their help .wfuste and de­ stroy. They have too much outside busi­ ness. They fail to invent, or to have new ideas. - / yhey do not-advertise in attractive, mediums. -- ' They are never called upon by peo pie who "read the papers." AY OLD PREJUDICE DIlAJPRA&IirO. Women doctors are so numerous now that the prejudice against them has long sinoe died out. There are several in the United States, it is Said, who enjoy an annual income of $20,000 and over, and a practice worth $5,000 a year is common. They have reached their present honorable position by hard and conscientious work, and all they reoeive is well earned. Medi­ cal colleges for women are now established in all the large cities, and the graduates from them number several hundred every Among the women doctors of Illi­ nois is Miss Addie M. Barnes, of Danville, who recently moved to that city from La­ fayette, Ind. She has recently had herself as a patient, and how she was successful in working a cure she tells as follows: "I had a very stubborn case of sciatica and had been confined to my bed for three weeks. I had blistered the limb and used all kinds of liniments to no purpose. Rev. Dr. Buehtel told me of the wondeiful rem­ edy, Athlophoros. Our druggist sent for it and I bought two bottles of it. Before I had taken three doses I was able to get out of bed and sit up for two hours. In three days I went down the street. I be­ lieve that had I persevered with the rem­ edy the cure would have been permanent. However, I have never been such a sufferer since. I keep Athlophoros in my office and often tell patients of the great relief it gave me, and recommend it." E. K. Mercer, proprietor of the Prince­ ton (111.) Tribune, says of Athlophoros: "It is a good medicine and did me more good than did half a dozen doctors." Mr. John H. Hutsel, proprietor of the West Side Pavilion, No. (178 West Indiana street. Chicago, w&b had been a victim of rheumatism, says: "I never had a severe case of sickness be­ fore this rheumatism came on me, and I would just remark right here that I never want another such. When it first made its appearance I consulted a physician, but his medicine made me worse. I then went to St. Joseph's Hospital. After being there some time and getting no relief, I went back home. After being at home a few days, I heard about Athlophoros and decided to try it myself. I came from the hospital on the 3d of July. Two days after that I was unable to walk or sleep at night. I was in this condition when I com­ menced with the Athlophoros on the 7th inst., and by the 15th of the month I was well. You can see by my book, I have an exact record of the dates of the time I eoni-" menced using and when I was well." "How long were you sick, Mr. Hutsel?" "For five weeks I was confined to my bed, .during which time I lost twenty-three pounds of flesh." "How much did you use to effect this cure?" "Two bottles did the work, and I have not felt any pain or return of the disease since." • "Have you known of any others that have used Athlophoros?" "Yes; the lady that recommended it to me said she knew of an old chronic case of twenty years' standing that had been curt"d by the use of Athlophoros. I have had many persons that knew how I had been afflicted aud suffered inquire what cured me. I am always glad to be, able to say that Athlophoros is the sovereign reme­ dy for rheumatism." "if rou cannot pet Armopnonos of your driif- gis't, we wiU send it express paid, on receipt of regular priCi'--one dollar per l>ottie. Wc that you liity it of your druggist, but if he m ' A STRICTLY PURE. • Contain* Ho Opium te Aaj Wmm. /TMH SAFE. SURE. PROMPT* At DlVOOItTt AM» THR CUABLn A.TOQ11W CD^UttllOmi. The BEST and CHEAPEST GERMAN REMEOY •• |% a Cum RhMmatton, NamUfia, For Pa n • W1 • lam AT DRUGGISTS AMD DKALSBfl. TH OtARt.m A.VMRLEK CO.. RA LT1HORZ. IB- CRESMBALMS^^LI when applied into the coitrils, will be absorbed, effectually rleansinR the liead ot catarrhal virus, eauaintr healthy secretions. It allays inflammation, pro­ tects the membrane from fresh colils. completely liealx the sores, and it1- stores the senses of taate and smell. SOT A LIQUID OVt SNUFF. A few applications re lieve. A ihorotwh treat­ ment tcill < nre. Agreeable to use. Semi for circular. 50 cents at drugifist-i' or bv innil. KI.Ylsr HAY-FEVER liliOTHKl its. Oweiro. X Y A . fli Favorite Tracing Wheel. Will sell in every house' hold. Two dozen nruled upon receipt of $1. Sample UKNTS wanted iueverjr citv ana town for Ladies' ~ -- - -- .iiij . pt. . , 10c. Novelty Wheel Co.. 24 Congress St., Boston, Maas. •ales.big p*7,«[teady wnrk, no talk. 11 an hour tor .ith.r rax. $14J0 •ample* fre*. Band stamp and a* Cur. R pleamnt winter's businMa. li. B. Merrill A Co., Chicago, 11L QUICK! DIA ACCCD To introduce them, we will DIU urrcn. <;IVE AWAY 1,000 Selt- Operatinn Washing Machines. If yon want one Laend uayour name. P.O.. and express office at •once. Tl»«> National Co., 25 DKY ST., N. Y. PflRTAAl F <;KIN»INO MILLS, M«IM •#111 money grinding your Feed on the KAKMTNKR FORTABLE GRINDING MILLS. Over 6,500 In use. Warranted fully. CHAS. KAE8TNEK & CO.. 801-812 S.Canal St..Chicago. , Aa active Ma> or Woman in arm h^countT to Mil onr goodi. Sslar* Sic, p*r Stalk and Expense*. Expcnau la ad net. Canra»ia( outfit FRIli Particular R . R . R (MIDWAY'S READY RELIEF The Malignant Ingenuity of • Flefid Could scarcely devise tortures more excruci­ ating than those to which the victim of rheuma> tlsm, m the inflammatory etajre, is subjected. It is also dangerous on account ct its tendency toward th? heart and stomach. Among the be­ nign qualities of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, is that of expelling from the circulation those acrid fmpurities to which the disease is attribu­ table. Analysis i roves that, in cases of rheu­ matism, the kidneys fail to eliminate these im­ purities from the blood. The Bitters, by stim­ ulating these organs to activity, enables them to perform this all-important function, aud, therefore, averts the disease or remedies it at the outset. The function* of digestion, and secretion of bile by the liver, are also health­ fully stimulated by the Hitters, which conquers dyspepsia an l liver complaint, and remedies tever and ague, bilious remittent, and other ail­ ments of malarial birth. It is also the leading ton e of the ago. We prefer nasut she Pt. i <> not be' persuaded to try something else, but order at onoe from us as directed. ATBI.O- PHOKOb Co., 112 Wall street, New York. Proparliij? to Fight. An intelligent New-Yorker, drifting into conversation, said: "I am pre­ paring my boy for West Point, where he will get a military education and the nerve and courage of a soldier. He will inherit a large manufacturing property from me, which I am sure he will have to fight for. I want to teaeh him to defend what he inherits." "And who is he to fight?" " The communist. To all thoughtful men there is but one shadow really clouding the future of this republic, and that is the black shadow of com­ munism. The continued dumping on our shores of the refuse of Europe,ag- gravates local disorder , nnd spreads in this roomy and abundant land, where there is not the slightest excuse for them, the noxions doctrines that have sprung naturally from the overcrowded hives of the old world. You Southern CURKS AMI) PREVENTS Colds, Cough a, Sore Throat, In 11"imitations, JUteuitiMtlnni, »nral(fla, Headache, Toothache, Astlmiw, Difficult Bre&lliiiig. CURKS THE WORST I'A IN in ftown one to twenty minutes. Not one hour after reading this need anv one MH'Klt WITH IMIN. RAD WAY'S READY RELIEF Is H Cure for All Pains. Sprains, Bruises, Pains lu tho Hack, Chest or I.imbs. it wus the First and is the Only PAIN REMEDY That instantly otops the most exoruriatine pairiR. al lays inflammation, and cures Congestions, whether of tlie I.ting*, Stomach or ISowels. or other glands or organ*. l>y. >ne application. A half to a teaspoonful in half a tumbler ot water will in a few minutes cure Cramps. (Spasms. Sour Stomach, Heartburn. Nervous lit-Bs. Sleeplessness, Sick Headache, Diarrhea, Dysen ter.v. Colic, Flatulency, and all Internal pains. There is not a remedial appnt in the world that will cure fever aud Ague, and all other Malarious, Blliou* and other fevers (aided by KAIIWAY'S PILLS), wiiuiil as ItADWAY'S READY RELIEF, urty cents gter bottle. Sold by druggists. Dr. Railway's Sarsaparllllan Resolvent Has stood the tost of nearly half a century as a rem­ edy for Scrofulous. Mercurial and Syphilitic Com- R E M E D Y . As an Expectorant it has 10 Equal. ALLEN'S LLG BALSIM! DT THREE SIZE BOTTLES, Price, 25 cts., 50 cts. and $1 per bottte. The 25-CENT BOTTLES are put up for the aocoai- modation of all who desire simply • COUGH CT ROUP REMEDY. Those desiring a remedy ^or COSSUMTTKHl or an LUNG DISEASE should secure the laxxs (1.09 Directions accompany each bottle. . i WKOU) BT ALX MJCDICIMK DBALU»."D 1 J. N. HARRIS & CO. (LiliM), Froifri, CINCINNATI. OHIO. \ 5 • * -VI' i - W: I A tlTEn Ladi<>i> and Gentlemen in All I K W City or County to take light work at their own homes. S3 to S4 a day easily made. Work sent b>- mail. No canvass* inR. We have Rood demand for our work, and furnish steady employment. Address, with stamp. CKOWN Mru Co..2;M Vine St.. Cln'ti.O. land I !_ES Portable and Sta> „ ,--, _ _ _ tionary. IUustntt- Hundredsln use. _ ™ ed Price List Fret, liANE 6C BODJiBV CO* CINCINNATI. Ow IF RAGES CLUES Used by the best manufacturers Used by the best manufacturers and mechanics in the world. Pullman i'alaeoCarCo.,Mason A Hamlin Organ A Piano Co.. Ac., for till kindi of Jtn* vorlk. At the New Orleans Exposi­ tion, Joints mado with it en­ dured a testing strain of over ,1600 Pounds TO 1 SQUABS IHCH. fumwmwl nrtmgt*t r/lttt knoim. TWO QOLD MEDALS. X«MM. 1883. Orleaivt. 188S. If vour dealer doesnot keep it •end card and |(V. Txv*aire for sampler fin,: BU88IA CEMENT CO., GlMCMter, W. DUJM g-1 AM Wayne, D« hp Co., TlHarfi, HAS IMPORTED PROM PRAROt "a? atllMMW, wkiefc IM1«4M iltil TO PER CEIT OF ILL HORSE# purity of blood Is established by iiinllsiiiss iif' firthePenharoa Btud Book ofnuM^UM onl* >ok ever puouahed w that country, EVER IMPORTED TO AMERIOA. ^ v ^ - -- -- S T O C K O N H A N D : J k ^ 140 ... WirMBrMtltm Whose corded _ BtudBook IafwM 8Ulliwu, Old eaooffh for Berries, 126 COLT* Tw# years old and yo'ingar. Reoocilstnir the prtatt tnMU* , he may . . . . w M t o b e , i f t h e i r p e d i g r e e s a r e I recorded, they shonld be valued only as prides, j sell all Imported stock at rrade prices when I cai furnl'h with the animal i.oId, pedfcrre veitted by tk< Frenchcertincate of'IU namber and record ti hePercharon Stud Book of France. 1M MsjlTlaa n«W| IIBldir M i'tsssi'ssi 11 bred entawls: vigor. Sold by druggists: $1 a bottle. DR. HADWATS PILLS. For the cure of Dyspepsia and all Disorders of tha Stomach, Liver, Bowels, ctc. Rt' sure to iret Rsdway's. York. . I*<. KADWAY A- CO.. New ' A Strong Proof of Affection. First Dude--You think that loves you, then ?" Secoud Dude--I'm--aw--positive of j people are more or less uneasy about it, my dealt boy. | your race trouble. Let me assure you First D.--What makes you positive? ! that, in imminence aud deadliness, it Second D.--She has named her SOHMER poodle after me, my dealt boy, and-if that isn't a strong proof of a young lady's affection, then I'm noMuprge of the deah cweachahs; thatVfctK*--Bos­ ton Courier. NOTHING SO tries the religion of a new convert as to have a neighbor's oow break into his garden whil< away at church. does not approach the issue between l&bor and capital that must be settled by the people of the North."--Atlanta Constitution. " Said Aaron to Mosea, Let's cut off our noses." Aaron must have been a sufferer from ca­ tarrh. The desperation which catarrh pro­ duces is often sutticient to make people say and do many rash things, and many continue Buffering just as If no such cure as Dr. Safe's Catarrh Remedy existed. It cures every case, from the simplest to the most complicated, and all the consequences of catarrh. A person once cured by Dr. Sape's Catarrh Remedy will not be apt to take cold again, as it leaves the mucous membran9 healthy and strongr. By druggists. "I Don't Know What Ails Mo," says many 41 sufferer. "1 have the 'bhteV 1 rightfully; 1 tun troubled with headachn r t and dizziness; 1 have lost my appetite; there 1© he ia ! is a bad la8te ln m>' mouth constantly. What is the matter with me'r" We will tell you; you are "bilious." (let a bottle of Dr. Pierco's "Golden Medical Discovery," use it faithfully, and you will soon be a new man again. All druggists have It. IT ain' alius de silent man dat's de smartes'. Do aheep doan make ez much fuBS ez de dog, but he am' gut nighez much sense. --Plantation Philosophy. • i the surest remedy for catarrh--Dr. THE gathering darkness must come head at daybreak.--The Judge. to a The Burran or Vitnl Mtntlntlra makes no return of the mortality caused by overdruggiu? theuick. Hundreds of patients are killed in this way, ninety-nine per cent, of whom mitrht have been saved by the use of that Mmple vegetable antidote, Di«. WALK­ ER'S CAI.IKJRSIA V IN KG A it HITTERS, rapid ln its action, and without alcohol. * - HE--"Yon made a fool of me when I married you, ma'am." She--"Lor! You always told e you was a self-made man!"--London Punch. Ton Going to New Orleans or Florida I If so, you can go via the Moitox ROUTE, via Louisville or Cinciunati, and see the Mammoth Cave, Nashville, Blonnt Springs, Birmingham, Montgomery, Mobile, and the Gulf coast for the same money that will take you through the dreary, uninhabited Mississippi swamps. No one should think of going South with­ out visiting the Mammoth Cave,, the great natural wonder of this continent. So much has been written of this world-famous won -. der that it is impossible to 6ay anything new in regard to it--it cannot be described; its caverns must be explored, its darkness felt, its beauties seen, to be appreciated or realized. From Mobile to New Orleans (141 miles) the ride along the Gulf coast is alone worth the entire cost of the whole trip. In full sight of the Gulf all the way, past Ocean Springs. Mississippi City^Pass Christian, Ba.v St. Louis, and Beauvoi#, the home of Jeff Davis. When you decide to go South make up your mind to travel over the line that passes through the best country and gives you the best places to 6top over. This is emphatically the MONON ROUTE, in con­ nection with tho Louisville and Nashville and the Cincinnati Southern Railways. Pullman Palace Sleepers, Palace Coaches; double daily trains. The best line to Cin­ cinnati. Louisville, New Orleans, or Flor­ ida. For full information, descriptive books, pamphlets, etc., address E. O. Mo. COBMICK, General Northern Passenger Agent Monon Route, 122 East Randolph 6trect, Chicago, or W«. L*. BALDWIN, Gen­ eral Passenger Agent, 1U3 Dearborn street, Chicago. f I* 8age'i "You may step flown and out," said the hangman to tho political murderer. --Carl Pretzel's tfiel.lu. FOB DYSPEPSIA, inmrJKSTioN, depression ot spirits, and general debility in their various forms; also, as a preventive against fever and ague, and other intermittent fevers, the " Ferro-Phosphorated Elixir of Ca isaya/' made by Caswell, Hazard & Co., of New York, and sold by all druggists, is the best tonic: and for patients recovering from fever or other sickness It has no equat. rV»nr medicine curer me of rheumatism. not able to.walk when 1 bcitan taking Atbl< phoros. 1 only used two bottles when my rheumatism disappsared, and I have been well since. John H. Hutsel,' 078 West Indiana St., Chicago, ill. When you get your boots and shoes straightened use Lyon's Heel Stitfeners; they will save you money, give you comfort, and >keep them straight. TRB U. S. Government are using large numbers of The Improved Howe Scales, llordon, Setleck & Co., Agents. Chicago, 111. TH* best cough medicine is Plso's .Cure for Consumption. Sold everywhere. Uc. Nothing like It. ' So medicine has over been known so effectual in 'the cure of all those diseases arisin? from sn impure condition of the blood as SCOVILL'S HABSAPABILLA, or Blood and Liver Syrup, for the cure of Scrofula, White Swellings, RheiunatUm, Pimples, Blotrhes. Eruptions,^Venereal Sores and Diseases, Consumption, Moftr*, Boils, Cancers, and all kindred diseases. No better means of securing a beautiful complexion can t>e obtained than by using SCOVI LL'S BLOOD AND LIVER SYRUP, which cleanses t e blood ana nives beauty to theakia. K A Beautiful Satin Enameled Cards, 10 eta. Aftenta fJU also wanted. MarK, l <'•! Monroe St., B kls n. NA. i .earn here and earn good pay . Situati ns Write Valentine Bros., lanesvill".WN ID CflflTC of I'iO Lexington av„ New \ork, n rUU I bf invites letters of PnilCllltiltinn from sufferers everywhere ; and uUlloUllflllUlj iu reply wenils good advice and valuahe books. FBEFEBKCD BY LEADING ARTISTS. Highest Prise Centennial Exposition. 1076. Highest Prtae Montreal Exposition, 1881-83 SEND FOB CATALOGUE. S T E C E R A 8 A U B E R , MOP Wabash A*., - - CHICAGO, ILL, P I S O ' S C U R E F O R CMS WHIRI AII IIH rails. Best Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Use in time. Sold by These Disos represent the Opposite' sides of B. H. DOUGLASS A 80NS Capsicum Cough Drops for Coughs, Colds and Sore Throats, an Alleviator of Consumption, and of (great benefit in most casoa of Dyspepsia. (IEWARE OF IMITATION!.) Chejr are the result of over forty .years' experieaea in compounding COtTOH KSMUDIIB. Xtatall price 1» erata per quurttr poaad. rou MA!,K BY AlX IM'AI.KKS. TREATED FREE. NIL. II. II. TILTKEN AC (HONM, Speeialiiitii for Thirteen Years Past. Have treated Drop-.v and its complications with the mrst wnnderlul HUCICKK ; use vegetable remedies, entirely hami!e-n Remove all symptoms of dropsy in ei«bt to twenty days. Cure patit nts pronounced hopeless by the best of physicians. trout tli< -- .-- •ar. ai d in ten days at least two-thirds of symp- From the first dose the symptoms rapidly pear, ard in ten days at least two-thirds of all toms ure removed. Some may cry humbug without knowing anything about it. Hemembi r, it does not cost you anything to realize the merits of our treatment for yourself. In ten days tlie difficulty of breathing is relieved, tha pulse regular, the urinary organs made to diseharga their fu<l duty, sleep iR restored, the swelliug all Or nearly gone, the strength increased, and appetite made good. We are constantly curing cases of long stand­ ing--cat-en that have hem tapped a number of times, and the patient declarer! unable to live a week. Give full history of case. Name sex, how long afflicted^ how badly swollen and where, ar* bowels coetiw have legs Im rated and dripped water. Send for fraa pamphlet containing testimonials, questions, etc Ten days' treatment furnished free by mail. Epilepsy (Fits* positively cured. v If you order tria1, send 10 cents in stamps to pay postage. H. H. (IKKKX & SONS. M. I)a., 56 Jones Avenue. Atlanta, lis. Consumption Can ••^Our*d! DR. WM. HALL'S BALSAM FOR THE LUNGS. Cure* f'oOMirapllnii, Colds, Pneiimonl*. Hurn/o. Hroat'blftJ Dtltlrnllieo, ItronchHIa, lliiMi-pnei A<lhiiia. Croup. Wlionplag Cough, and nl1 iki«en»e*i ot the If rent liins Or* gnii», • I Dool'im mid Ilea's I e JlenbriiB# •( ' the l.ungs to Imiied n»d poisoned b> tlie d"~ ctandard of 1 OKI>. S, st 1 tv St it! RECEPTION AUD PARTY 1NV.T -- * ml iiu My. WEDDING CARDS, iN V . T A T I S ^ H i ^ h s t l ease, itud preve •«» Uir night a<4 ti* .tnee ai inssllie i ll st well ai rnmiiiiir it. t'» *u»M>tion not an Inriirable tnalndy. 1 W ib i^h Av., i hii'a o. •o I N V E N T O R S ! II. I5ATKS. atents Free •», Attorney, Wii-tllll)ftOII, I>. C. Jof 'serotiirai iuTand Catarrhtna, the only Abso­ lute E adieator.-i of bl o.i D.sea^e* uud Catarrh, wot marapalli five*, but entirely removing basa. Disease. K.ip rnv>full r.mphi«t gcaoruuaaiA Uo.. Mew Xoik. HAl.l.'^ RAI,HA)I will core yon, evea though |>r le aions aid fall*. - trated Catalan* sent frea. w wast oc Chicago, on tha Chicago Wayne, Ilia, i - & North-W E V K n Y C H I I i D In every land Is subject to Ctugks, Croup & Whooping Owtl. \ Malay. THEIR PARENTS TO U M P T X O I T ! -TAKK IN TIME- 003W Taylor's Cherokee Romed* of Sweat Sunt and MuHsia. Tha Sweet Gum from a tree of the same name g ow» ing In the (South, combined with a tea mads from the Mullein plant of tha old fields. For sale by alt dro^ gists at 26 cents and SI.OO per bottle. WAI.TKR A. TAYLOR. Atlanta. Ga. I fllii s~t aaMla | tlW* \rbinl MI car* i do not BMO I # -- -- s tlm* sad thea h»v* thsm r»t»rn agrt^I mwj- - •=- cal car*. I h»r» mad* the disss-- of FITS, •MLaFST er PALUNO 8ICKNISS a lirs-loag stody. / remedy to #or* ths worst esses, lecauae QtHe? ayra fSllsd Is noroaion for not now receiving am™. »«nas» one* tor a treatise and a Freo Bottle of my Infallible remedy. Olve Bxpress and Post Office. It oeeta yaa aothlnc for a trial, sad I wlUenre yo«. * Address Pr. K. O. BOOT, in fearl 8t.. K»«I«a p ; . • 'j R E r O R MRS vm MI HH vaiu. Best Ooogh Byron. Taataagood. Dsa tnttme. Mdbydroggtata. C O N S U M P T I O N * • "Piso's Core for Consumption saved my life."--L. L. WHIPLK, Druggist, Kintner, Mich. ' "Will buy no other Cough Medlciae sa loan aa wa can get Plao's Cure."--C. B. liiwu Kirkwood. DL "Piso's Coxa cored ma ot Oonsamptjon.*--Wn. & BOBEBTSOV, Braodywlne, Md. . (in MM. H 'SNCRSSIFFSASI ""FL ( ; N ' j I ) M f T l O N "Piso's Cure for Consumption ia the best medicina we ever used."--O. L. Roru, Abilene. Kans. Best Cough Syrup. Tastes good. Use to tfina. Sold by druggists. C O N S U M P T I O N *"Piso's Cim* for Oonsusnption is doiu-: wcudersfodfr we "--H. H. STANSXLL. Newark, N\ Y. CONSUMPTION I have a posttlTe remedj for the above dtaesa* ;by I onjl rTLi . -• ; by Its I long uK a positive remedy for _ran..sof eases of the worst kind lUudtnn have t'gpn cured. Indeed. KStroni in Itssfflcacy.tliat 1 wl 1 eondTtt'O BOTTLES together wi.-.hmVAI.CABI.BTRKATISB on this diaeaaa to any aua'orer. UWe expreta anil F O.addr ss. teaay ' SUNjUJt,aMrwriM>, t Ooogh Syrup. Tastee stood. Use WUKN WRITING TO ADVKRTISKR please aay yoa saw tha ««lvvrCL>cw*i V v please aa iB(kw»w«r*

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