The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Vv: *' -r-V' ' > >; ' < •»" . •«- •£•- •<" »• v^-i * 'J * » - ' • » •V; %- Vf r k; • •' - •>* *tr$ w. -. y^-yy-v • t u * t , n-"••?.¥ 'f =>•; •? >: »••;.• ' J " V--' iini . ii, L* " Pledged butto Truth, to Lib# d Law; No Favors Win us and no Pear Shall Awe." VOL. 11. M'HENRY, ILLINOI DNESDAY, JANUARY 27, 1886. NO. 28. BUSINESS CARDS. E. B. BEKNETT, M. »., $Jrte House Surgeon Cook County Hospital RICHMOND, ILLINOIS, Special attention given to difficult Surgical EUW. DEUNCH GEBPKOCHJ&N. Office at Residence of Dr. 8. I". Bennett. soldiers' Department. A&A W. SMITH, ATTORN KT AT LAW and Solicitor In Chancery.--Woodstock, I1L County O. A- R. Directory. RICHMOND POST W)2S&. Meets the first and third Frid%) evenings of each month. D&iS. F.BEKHBTT, Com WOODSTOCK POST, NO 106. Published ST«'T Wednesday 1"T VA> SJLiYECiB^ fDITO « AND PUBLISHER. in Bishop's Bloclt» ' 3PB*RT A OWB|T,S.-S F. BENNETT, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SUl'tiEON. AlsoUnlUw' States Examining Surgeon. Richmond Illinois. CHILD*, M. HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN AND SUR OEON, West McHenry, IU. Calls promptly attended to, day or night. TERMS Of SUBSCRIPTION. 2m fear (In Advance) .1 SLS8 IfNot Paid within Three Months ,. 100 Subscriptions received tor tthree or six nonths in the stve proportion. DR. O. R. WELLS. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, Waneonda I Lake Co., Ill, All calls promptly attend ed, day or night. Ofllce on Main St., east of Barker'u harness chop. ^ '* Kates of Advertising. Wo announce liberal rates for advertising k cs the PuiKbiAiKR, and endeavor to state ihs»-eon lately that they will be readily an. % Itfi&Mf They are as fol lows: 1 Inchone year * IoefSs one year 1p. I«*h«*ene year -J „ IpQoltamn one year V Oslttmn one year/*94 Column one year . "I:*' w One ]||k mean# the mealurement<®f peh dpi the column, single column wld 900 io m 15 00 80 00 60 00 loo oe one th. advertisers, at the above rates, have lege of changing as often as they Without extra charge. affcr advertisers (meaning those having [•( cattls) will be entitled to Insertion " aettoes at the rate of ft cents per line eek. All others will be charged 10 irtine ttie first week, and 0 cents per liife foraaeb subsequent week. transient advertisements will be charged at theMrate of 10 cents *"» «•- i, tame as tuts is set I . •a per line Ibr syDseqt h advertisenunt 'will cost SIM for.one fL50 for two waists, tlOO for three i,1uwlaoon. nSJ* e P&AtwDKAtjre will b* liberal in giving neticap,'but, as a ottMaess rule, it will roqnlre aHnj|»ble fee from eterybody seeking the use a#Its columns nr pecuniary I-:; ^ *3' lents win oe onargeu i pe line, (nonpareil ; In) the first Issue, and leqaent issnes. This, OiftlDS. a.t.>B<fW».M.D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Residence, McHenry, III. t)HYSlClAN I Ilia. Ofllce 0. H. FKOERS, M, D- AND SURGEON. McHeary, at Re»Mence. * » O. J. HOWAB. |>HYSIOIAN AN-D 1 111. Ofllce one d< i Branson's store, up D. IN, McHenry, Flttsimmons BARB CIGAR Manufactu » ders solicited. lstKelter Block, thlM House. nry, III. Or- "Id McHenry, of Riverside the pld stand If- IV!",; ir. • V- m NEAR THE DEPOT, MoHENBY, ILLINOIS, Keen* epen for the accommodation ;of the Public a First-plass 'Saloon and Restaurant, Where he will at all times keep the best llrands of Wines, l.iquors and Cigar# to be found in the market. Also Agent For FRANZ FALK'S miAUKEE LAGER BEER. Beer in Large or Small Kegs ways on hand, cheaper than any other, quali­ ty considered. Orders by mall promptly attended to. GOOD BTABL1NU FOB HORSES. 4B r*(3all and see us. Robert Sohlessle. •M r y , 111., May 15th, 18». SALOON and RE8JTATJBAJIT Buck's OW Stand, MoHBNRV, ILLINOIS. Fine Kentucky Liquors, French Bitters, McHenry Lager Beer, Talks' Ifilw&okH Bm, "I By the Bottle or Case. " C? I We buy none but the beat and Bell at Reasonable Prices. Call and see me and I will use yoji well. v ANTONY ENGELN. McHenry, 111., 1884. KUgPAfER jflgmmiNe Itoontains lists of uews] A book of lOO pagea. The best book for an advertiser to con­ sult, be he experi­ enced or otherwise. wants to Ipebu uue uuuwc, UUU. .H formation he requires while forhlm who will iiivcet one hundred thousand dollars In aa- vertlsing. a scheme la Indicated which wUl meet his every reqnlrenaent. or can be made to dotobp MffhickangettatOf arriv«dat 6|row> retXHmdmc*. 149 editions have been Issued. Bent, post-paid, to any address for 10 cent*. Write to GEO. P. ROW ELL. A CO., NEWSPAPER ADVERTISING BUBKATJ. (lospnioc St. PrluUug House Sq.), New York. f Patent Self- PflDOVfll Adjusting bUKObl [IMPROVED.] Xa the only perfect fitting, truly comfortable and healtn.preserviug Corset made. Has an Elastic Section above and below a Corded Centerpiece, Entirely different from any otber. Every Corset is stamped and absolute. lv Guaranteed In every particular. Be sure to get the Dovnu Paunt. Manufactured only fry tine eagt-Oowns Coraet Co.. ChiMae* and for sale by flrst-elass dry .goods storesetery MART G. BARB IAN. HAIR WORKER. All kinds of Hair Work done in first class style and at reasonable prices. Rooms s t residence, north­ east corner of Public Square, McHenry, I1L DR. a E. WILLIAMS. DENTIST. Residence Dundee. Will be at McHenry, at Parker House, the 10th 11th 45th and 26th of each month. When dates occur Saturday or Sunday I make my visits on the following Monday, and the first day of such visit occurs on Friday, I will stay but one day. A. M. CHURCH, Watchmaker and Jeweler NO. 56 FIFTH AVE., (Brlggs House), Chi­cago, III. Special attention given to re­ pairing Fine watches and Chronometers. 4^A Full Assortment of Goods In his line AT THE OLD STAND, JACOB BONSLETT, SALOON AND RESTAURANT, at the Old j stand, opposite Bishop's mill, McHenry, III. The choicest Wines, Liquors and Cigars to be found in the county. Warm or cold meals en short notice on application. PHIL BEST'S MILWAUKEE BEER by the Bottle or Case, always on hand, GOOD STABLING FOR HORSES. J. PEKOV8KY, CIGAR MANUFACTURER, Wholesale ana Retail Dealer. HANDLES nore but his own make,and wlU compare his Brands with the best made in the State. Store and Msanf*otory next door to 'he Post Office, McHenry, III. J. C. KARGES, onse, Sign and Carriage PAINTER, Shop at McHenry House, Near the Iron Bridge. I AM prepared to do all kinds of Painting on chert notice, and guarantee satisfaction. Sign Painting a Specially. Oall and see me if in want of Milking in the Palnttar liae,«a*fsaP»iki<i%iBPl can please yon, ooth in workmanship and price. J. C. Karges. McHenry .June 15,1888. Attention Horsemen! I would call the attentflon of the public to my Stable ot Stock Horses, four in number: two Morgans, one 3-4Percherou, and one Imported Horse. They are all good representatives of their breed. Also a few Merino Sheep r sale. The public are cordially invited to call and examine stock, get prices, etc. No business done on Sunday. , N. S. COLBY. 10-7-tf . MCHENRY, ILL S! for 13 Weeks. The POLICE GAZETTE will be mailed, ecu rely wrapped, to any address In the Jilted Sta es for three months on receipt of ONE DOLLAR Liberal discount allowed to postmastera, **ents and clubs. Sample copies mailed free Address all orders to BICKABB x. rax, > "" FAUMI* SG CASK, New York. BtiagI doing 11 BomIII "AD INTERIM.* IW. F. ELLSWORTH Tenders hit services to the seliwfc public and guarantees good work or no my. Terms reasonable, made known en application. Ad dress, NUNDA, ILL- MONEY LOANED On McHenry County Farms, on time, terms, and in amounts to suit borrowers, by • ; J. W.RAN8TEAD. n-i7-6m Elgin, Illinois. ATTENTION LADIIS. , - MRS. J. N, SEXTON, * VM%- ?or the past ten years one of the leading Dressmakers in Elgin, las moved to McHenry where she is ready to do Dressmaking in all the latest stjles. Satisfac­ tion guaranteed. Cutting and Fitling a specialty. Also agent for the I. X L., Tailor tystpnoi of Cutting and Fitting. Full instructions given* Rooms two doors West of the Jfctiverside House. L O W » S "tiaqranT Rslsr Skalss. ILL EG PUMP REPAIRING, CEMENTING, ETC. The undersigned is prepared to do all lobs (n the line of Digging Wells, Repairing Pumps, Cementing Wells, or will put in New Pumps On short notice and warrant satisfaction. In short will do all work in this line. Can furnish you a new Pump, either wood or Iron, warranted, as cheap as any other man. Good references furnished if desired. If you want a Well Dug, a Pump Repaired or a new Pump, give me a call. 49"Orders by mail promptly attended to. Poet Office, Jonnsburgn, 111. L. BANTES. Johnsourgh, III., May 25th, 18*. fOB BABQAIHS 01 For Coal and Wood CALL ON E M. HOWE Opposite Bishop^ Mill, •Vho has a complete line of the best stoves,in the market, as welt as a large stock of Mare, Mechanic's Tools, flH, COPPER & SHEET IRON WARE, And, Mnlftict. everything In the hardware <tove and tin line. 9 ME WILL NOT BE UNDERSOLD.' Oall at his store before buying elsewhere lobbing and repairing promptly attended to WBamember, extra good oargains can al­ ways be obtained at Howe's. BBmtarr, Die. V-- ' For the best, moet durable and easiest run­ ning Roller skates gel the ••VINEYARD." \M the principal Rinks are using the ViNEVAKD" Roller. Put up in all Clamp, Half Olamp and Strapped Complete. The demand for these skates is so great that they are kept in stock by all principal har I- ware dealers throughout the country. Manuf'icturcd by the Inventor and Patentee SAMUEL WlU8LOW, WORCESTER, MASS. J. P. SMITH, WATCHMAKER 5 JIWELIB, UcHenry, - Tllinoin. Aa Pine ft Sleek of Watches, Clocks and Jewelry A' aa be found in the county, which Iofw it prices that cannot he beak A Fine Stock^f CHOICE 0IGABS. Oall and examine goods and learn prices, . J. P. SMITH; McHenry. 111., July 16th. 1885. John Helm, Algonquin, III., DEALER IK Baidwut, Stow, Tbnran, In short, we keep everything in the above mentioned linee, which we are offe* ing to the buy­ ing public as cheap as any oth4r house in this section. * Call and See Uflk JOBBNO & REPAIRING, PROMPTLY ATTENDED TO. JOHN HELHi Algonquin. Feb. 18.1885. The with 1 tMrth yoar Tfc#«ap«rJ in popular 1 atitaeacy ot ... " ! The » cloeed Its first vear It cloaea it four- •,ooo. The The Bi The Bes|1 InthwUalMi steadily amid rapidly |*H It haa a reading eon- »,ooo In for fourteen yeara gaper, Iblican ly Paper JK8 P?per, ir's Paper, Ipnd haa been growing fery year. oiA trim* AM Meets the third Monday evenings 6i each month. B. K.'SHITH, Coin. K0MOA POST, WO--. M®*'8 the llrat and third Wednesday even lags of etch month. . WH. B0TLKB, Oom. . HARVARD POIT, KO 255. S Meets the second andfourth Monday eve a* gs of oaoh month. DR. II. T. WOODBOFP, Oom. • MASKNOO POST, NO. 169, Meets eve*y Second and Fourth Friday evenings of each month. . J. B. BABCOCK, CLOMS*" AUT1 Elisabeth stwrt i lllnrtratl Lett to A Mafwomp^ Lette ra /Tett«a( The ll la theMII . , that aim to o»««r of Foreign «wllj week the etory oi .;,r WLU Dim Bk. srne, rbrldge. ; R. Stockton. "i Orne Jewett, O. P. lAthrop, H. H. Boyesen, khers. ' J.nnv June; Letters |e author of the Siva kbroad, by Theodore Land other's; Woman's fy 8hop; Curb-stone Br anecdotes); Illus- land Home; General Ocean Bd Literary Weekly reek the w'hole Held lews, it tells every week, clearly and The pnoe of 1 TlO flVNI* I. _ everrMondayj the Caatni every Mo» _ Swing *nd o£ of the Sbmf Inter Ocecut ia only )tid. Ocean is published day. In addition to |Above, this edition B sermons of Prof, liviues. The price »n Is $2.50 per yoar lumber of premium klleve to be the best Below we give Book A NO Law and Lawyers ..$1.80 Needle Work, by Jenny June. ... 1.35 Knittingand Crotchet, Jenny Jane 186 Boys' Useful Pastimes 1.85 Famous People of All Ages L85 Talks with Homely <jirls 1,86 Burt's .Selected Gems of Song 1.36 Ropps Calculator & Account Baiok ISA National Standard Encyclopedia.. 1.60 ^Nation*! Standard Dectlonary.... L60 Lives of Our Presidents 1.75 Popular History of Civil War L76 Ladles'Manual .... 1.S9 Mythological Dictionsry... 1.86 Dictionary of Synonyms 186 Usagea of Best Society. 1.86 What Everyone Should Know.L6fl Dr. Danelson Medical Adviser.... 1.8U Inter Ocean Watch SUM) Little Detective Scale 8 no Family, or Union Scale 4.36 Our Curiosity Shop 1,85 To find the price of the ^emi-Weekly with any of ihe combinations, add §1.60 to the com­ bination price for the Weekly. The Inter Ocean has subscribers in every State ami Territory in the Union, It paid postage on circulation in 1884 to the amonnt of |86,ttl 02, There la a continuous issne of the Daily and 8unday editions of the inter Ocean Every Day of the Year. The price of the Daily Itiltr Ocean, exclusive of the Sunday edition, is 910 per year, postage prepaid. Inclusive ot the iunday edition it is #12. The Sunday Inter Ocean alone is 12. Sample copies of any edition sent on appli­ cation. Remittances may be made at our risk either by draft, express, puetofflce order, or regie- teied letter. Money eent in any other way is at the risk of the person sending it. Addrese THE I KIT Kit OCEAN. 86 Madison -St., Chicag alone. fl.20 .50 .50 1.00 .SO .50 .50 .75 1 00 .90 100 1.00 .50 .60 .60 .50 .S5 1.10 8.50 J. 80 4.00 80 A bill hits recently been introduced In Congress to Incense the pension of soldiers' widows from $8 to 912 per month. We believe that is a humane. ja»t and right measure, and should be come a law at once. We are glad that Congress gave Mrs. Grant a yearly annuity of 95000; but there are thous­ ands of worthy women In the land whose husbands gave their lives to save our Nation, to whom an increase of 960 to their annuities wouM be a great boon and relieve much suffering. •Let It be given them.--Ex • Lanoes in the Rebel Army TO THK EDITOR: In regard to lances or spears being used In the rebel army I will just say that a few days after the surrender of Mo ille, Ala., Comrade DeMoite and myself were looking through tire depot and saw a long box marked *C. 8. Q. M. D.M I told him we would burst her and see if they were shipping dead Tanks from Anderson- ville to the front. This was no sooner said than done. We found inside lon^ sticks like rake handles with spikes or spears on tlft end of them. I don't think they had ever been used.--H. H. MARTIN. CO. B, 30th I a,. Center Point, Iowa.--National Tribune. HE. WIOHTMAN, Proprietor. First elaas rigs, with or without drivers furnished at reasonable rates. Teaming ot all kinds done on short notice. Railroad Ticket |j For l,CpQMiles 1 TO St. AoJrei's Bay, FiorWa. This beautiful Bay and surroundings are acknowledged by all who have visited there to be the loveliest combination of fertile soil, beautiful foliage, fragrant erchsids, blue water, growing city, and absolutely perfect climate In Summer as well as lu winter, to be found in America. There is but one Florida and St Andrew's Bay is its brightest jewel. Prices for Business or Home Lots and Or­ chard Tracts range from S5, •», 817, S90, to #150, and sales were made t> more thin 8 OOOdiflerent purchasers within the first sixty days. St. Andrews will certainly become the second largest city in Florida within the next two years. PropirluU doubling in value every thirty day*. Free TransDprtitlon for l.OOO Miles to .Tract Purchasers- Send 2c stamp lor Illustrated pamphlet con­ taining full details. Address principal bust neas office as follows: 8! B.^R- k LANS CO. i 397 Btiaavu pauipiaiv* wa* Address principal bual SODA Best in the Wo rid. GREAT GRANT BOOK! Life and Personal Memories of Gen. Grant in one volume only 8L7& One agent sold 48 first day; 10,000 sold first week. A tt engrav­ ing 22x28 inches of all "Our Presidents" FKBB to each subscriber. Think of thisl Some per­ son should send 60 els. for outfit and engrav­ ing and secure thi* territory. Book now out --io waiting for commissions. Address Ku>H PVBUtHns Oo., 861 Wabash ate., Chicago, XU^gJa, . ••v'v • • • Southern War Humor, U was commonly remarked at the north during the war tiiat more good things were quoted from the Confed­ erates than were credited to Yankee soldiers, wlUi ail their boasted shrewd­ ness. What Yankee soldier, for instauce would have thought of the droli repiv who was caught in a simmons tree by Gen. Longstreet? When sternly asked by his commander what he was doing there the veteran at diice dis­ armed wrath by saying: "I'm eatin' some green persimmons to draw my stomach up so it'll fit its rations." Still there was something ghastly about such humor. When starving men indulged in such jokes there was not much room for laughter.-- Atlanta Con- stHutioti. His need of money has not lessened, but become more urgent. He did his duty splendidly then, at the time the country needed It, an] without quib blitig or shuffling. The country should do its duty by him now, when he needs ,it, without evasion or pettifogging, and the limitation to the Arrears of Pension Law is pettifogging of the worst kind.--National Tribwus. Written for the Plaindeaier. DRESSER'S DROLLERIES NO. 86. BY L. IM D„ ST. LODIS,JPB. To . \f The rarest gems would worthless be Were they as plenty as the stones That sleep bv many a sounding ssa,- In all the distant measured cones. ^^Thus, fair coquette, your lips are red As rubies from the mystic East,-- Yet they are worthless, for 'tis said That many fools upon them foast- MY IRTKRVIKW WITH THI FBKSIbRWT. As I sat at the window musing upon the fact that Joy is only transient, while sorrow is lasting, who should walk Into my room but Grover Cleve­ land. AhP exclaimed I, "yonr majesty does me a great honor! I like to see a real growirup ruler once in " awhile. Now, there was Princess Isabella, of Spain, who, when her old dad, Ferdi­ nand VII, kicked the bucket, was pro­ claimed queen at the age of but three years!. Now, of course, your Royal Muchness ." But he Interrupted me, saying testi­ ly: "Call me Grove, will you? You make me tired!" After apologizing in a humble manner. I asked him if he did not find office-seekers troublesome, to a certain degree. "Well, yes," he answered, 4,I do. I have discovered, among other things, that unpracticed ability stands no show against drilled stupidity, and I make my selections accordingly. Sometimes I have to be as calm as the center of a hurricane, surrounded by raging ele­ ments. But to change the subject, let me tell you what Senator CtiaQee said to me-to^day: ̂ *rove,' said lie, 'when a book ageutls hammered by some irate party Jie may be termed artistic, in that he Is" hammered brass.' Then Chtfiee smiled a smile as bright as a night iu Jupiter, where there are seven moons, and seemed to think himself immensely funqy. His joke caused me to reflect thaft Imagination is the OUB WASHINGTON LBTTBK Special Correspondent to the Plaindeaier. - WASHING Tow, D. C., Jan. IB, ISBFLL The uppermost topic of discussion la Washington society circles just now is the sad a^d untimely death of Miis Katie Bayard, eldest daughter of the Secretary of State, the full particulars of which have reached your readers ere this. The gloom which the sad event has cast over society can only bo appre­ ciated by those fortunate to have known her. - It is safe to say tbst no, woman in society was better loved or more admired and respected than Hiss Bayard. She enjoyed the advantages of the rarest culture, was thoroughly acquainted with the best modern and classical English, French, German and Italiau literature, and spoke and wrote each of those languages with equal ease and fluency. She was very fond of the gayeties of social life,was agree able and cordial in manner, and had the happy faculty of making the bomb* lest of her^^toother's visltois feel ss welcome and as aoch st ease as tits most exalted. « « | But it was her ardent afewHon (q out-door sports that caused her to be best known and most admired by the multitude. She was passionately fond of horseback riding, and her elegant form, mounted on a spirited hone of tlnest blood was s familiar sight la Washington. Her equestrian feats were at once the terror of her friends and ttie admiration of all, and many are the stories curreut of her daring per­ formances in the saddle. Her feat «»f jumping all the hurdles at the Ivy City course last fall, while there with a party of friends, was witnessed by thousands; but it was in cross-country riding, over fences, ditches and hedges that her wonderful nerve and daring was most manifest. No one of her friends in Wa6hington, male or female, dared follow her whew the freak seized her to take a dash across the fields. And such freaks were of frequent occur­ rence, It wa* her favorite sport, when attended by a gentleman, especially it he made any pretensions to horseman­ ship, to make a sudden dash over the nearest fence aud invite him to follow. She would generally start in athere the fence was low and thus encourage the gentlecnait at the start; but she was well acquainted •miltftfrtoe toppgrs Beglraenu Which Lost Moet Men. To THE EDITOR: Should you co nply with the request of Comrade Gold thorp In the National Tribune of Nov. 26, please take into account this statement In regard to the 8th Ohio: "It fought in the battles of South Mountain, Antletam, Chancelloraviile, Gettys­ burg, Culpepper, Wilderness, Cold Har­ bor and at Petersburg. It was engaged In 67 battles aud skirmishes, marched '2,360 milts and was transported 2,380 miles. It lost more men killed and wounded than any regiment that went into service In the Union, having lost 198 men in battle and 340 from wounds out of 993 original members. MDurlng Its most illustrious career only five men were taken prisoners, and they were so badly wounded that they could not be taken from the field. Gov. Broughsaid of this regiment that Mis record was among the most brilliant made in the war. Upon - every field they have fought, and in every contest in Which they engaged the 8th showed remarkable br.tvery." The 8th was brigaded with the 14th Ind , 4th Ohio and 7th Va., and in any claim for "gore" the brigade can well come In for a share.--C. H. MERRICK, Seattle, Wash. Ter.--National Tribune• Repeal The Arrears Limitation. It Is impossible to make any good defense of the continuance of the limitation to the Arrears of Pension Law. If ever a pension was due a maa for his services and Injuries It Is still due him for his legal representatives. Such a debt cannot be outlawed with­ out dishonor. The man who was struck down by a shell while confronting Pickett's charge of Cemetery Ridge imposed an obligation on the Govern­ ment which he helped to save which it cannot decently repudiate by any statute of limitation shuffling. The strongest considerations of decency and^justice are on his side. The Gov­ ernment definitely contracted with him to pension him in case h« was injured while doing duty for it. 'and the incurrence or that injury is all that is required of him--the Government must then do the rest, and any attempt to slip out of doing its part is disgr ice- ful. What possible excuse can there be for denying now tight* that were acquired then? The man's disability baa not become soy less by lapse of years, but has In all probability In­ creased. His sufferings have not di­ minished, but have become more acute* nleo Said to me: 'Talk about emetics-- why. I knew of a man who threw up his position in a banking house.' I have considerable trouble with other jokers around the departments. Whitney re re narked that his hired girl was afraid to stay oat in the kitchen dur ing the evening to wash dishes, giving as an excuse that she was born with a fright. He says he intends to allay hei fears by procuring her a gantling gun. The Secretary of State remarked that it was Impossible to boycott a girl, even in Ireland. If I. am elected to a second term will get a new Secretary to fill his place. But, to drop such de­ testable subjects let me tell you I have been glanciug over a few books'in the «public library, and find that historians compute that Adam was born 4004 jears before Christ. Now, I am willing to wager a greenback that the correct time was only 4003 years,eight months anJ nine days. Want to take me?" I respectfully declined hia kindly oiler on the plea that it was against ny principles to bet on religious sub­ jects. Feeling confident that he was passably well versed in foreign affairs, I said: "Grove, is it not your candid opinion that dudes are responsible for the collar-ah now prevailing ID Spain?" He moved uueasily In his chair and said rather ruefully: ."So you have got to joke me to death too, have you ? I wish you would hush up!" I begged his pardon, and, hoping to make him forget the joke I had uttered I said: "Your Royal Wood--Grove, I mean, you may not be aware of it, but It Is a singular fact that fatigue, or mental depression in a person suffering with catarrah sometimes brings on an attack of pneumonia." "P'shaw!" rejoined Grove, "what's that to me ? You are*uot well to night are you? Mind a little confused', eh?" "Oh, no," 1 answered, "I ara wonder­ fully intellectual. Your speaking of confusion reminds me that the con­ fusion of language occurred 1921 years B. C., and it is believed that Andrew Jackson was the main cause of It." A boot-jack knocked me senseless into the clothes-basket, and when I re­ gained consciousness Grover Cleveland was gone. LOVELL. No Wonder th.e Widows are Alarmed. Bill Drawbar is the kindest-hearted man that ever twisted a brake. He wouldn't hurt a kitten. Nevertheless he scared old Mrs. Lone, the widow, so bad that she had nervous hysteria ror two weeks, and then married Deacon Fourscore because she was afraid to sleep alone. You see, Bill wa3 making up second just as Mrs. Lone had started to ^ross the track at the upper end ot the yard, Bill yelled to the otber brakeman; "Jump on her, Ben! Jump on her as she comes down; cut her in two and r>m her down the siding be­ hind the elevator! Now, then, catch her!" And theu the poor old woman gave one feeble little screech for mercy and fainted dead away; and poor Bill can't imagine what "scart her,1 iiu - culties until he woufcT yield In utter despair. Her favorite horse was per­ haps the best trained horse in Wash­ ington. He seemed to possess the most absolute confidence in his mistress, and never reiused to take a fence, climb a liiil, or dash dowu a declivity when ordered to do so, and tie seemed to snare the enjoyment equally with his mistress. Only one accident was ever known to happen to her when on horse­ back. Last fall she was with a party who rode out to Cabin John's Bridge, looming to a steep declivity she sud­ denly turned her horse's head and urged him down. Her companions w^re frightened when they divined her pur­ pose, and were horror stricken a moment later when they saw her plunge over her horse's head. But be~ fore one of them could reach her side she was again in the'saddle, and a mo­ ment later safely reached the boitooi of the declivity. To this day there IS doubt in the minds of her companions whether she did not purposely throw herself over her horse's head for the purpose of adding to their fright sad consternation. As predicted some months ago, a :jill has been introduced into the House to repeal the Civil Service law, aud vigor* ous effort will be made to pass it. Of course it will be resisted by the Re­ publicans, and defeated In the Senate even If It should pass the House, which Is not probable. But some modification of the law will probably result from Belmont's bill providing for an exam* Inatlou into its workings. The proof is ample and easily obtainable showiog that the law is a dismal failure, ooa* celved in hypocrisy, brought forth la ignorance and administered with a stupidity that passeth all understand­ ing. One single change would do away with the worst evil of the law. The whole list of those who pass should be certified up by the Commissioners, to the end that the appointing power may exercise some discretion, and he able to set aside callow youths without character or experience, and fill re­ sponsible positions with men of knowa ability end integrity, even if tbeir recollection of the contents of the text books should happen to be a little Ies4 fresh and accurate than that of the. boys just of school. A change in the character of the examination paper* could not fail to be for the better, es­ pecially if by some accident a few practical questiou pertaining to tba duties of the office to be filled should, happen to be injected into theoi. A Boon© to Humanity. • \ ST. ALBAKS, VT„ May,31, WSIk' ;^ii^ Sun. Barritutton. IU.: • ^ :1 C. Dlckituon tfc Sun, Barrinyton, IU.: 1 have u$ed your Russian Linlmeat in my family over two years, and Ila4 It the best Liniment I ever used. It will relieve pain almost instantly. Far Rheumatism, Lame Back, Headache, Sore Throat, Burna and Chiiblaias It has no equal. 1 should not feel without it in my family. Mas. j<""* For ale by all Druggists. <h "