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Avvrpr I'a /orgflf' f A f i big wb«>el sUH, iftttaMMt %mr& ?."• Jit's Khar? - meet the ek* ' .... •Isgo by. "V' r«t taafn upon the bridge, " I ONttk Wfood t he ridga, i's whistle, the milkmaid's Mg, r'a baying. clear ami strong, J Ot ihMp, tbe roadster's neigh, * i at twpet on its way, ' l*fUrai, tile drone of bee% pd heart with ecstasies. . ' S8*?,. ..<!,••••• and there a glimpse isc*ugl<|.V:,.,|k, I with fan or tolly franght; KQWMd from hac stupid sleep,'; ^ & •' *4# **" Eat with afrtgh%ened snortr 4 ; Y* antics finds resort, driver. with i«rk and c s the rampage wotpft &'-?.» «•* apreads his gaudy (Ail, v s tint crest grows pale, n on a farm-yard gato X fjfcti?:* at you with his mouth agape,, s ,,u tram the hedge a rustic lass ' , _ kisses at you as you jiass, j that she's forward with the meoi know* you'll never meet again. '< - dosty roads, amid green trees Oing sweet odors to the breeae, {raVines where, when 'tis late, Ip-. r anilsharshly to his mate, , - Bjr red-grown slumps Where phantoms mfti And bitterns in the dimness stalk, ' i-V,' ®y brooklets flashing in the sun, mmv wmmm mm m OF ca sim BT mammtet t. BCBDKTTK. ®y fields in russet clad, and dun--: ' Jf " 4tast ohnrches in the woodland shada^. AmigraveyardH where the deiui are laid; l>ast orchards with their fruitage ripe, And green lanes swiftly lost to sight*- ^Rins onward o'er the ground we spnr^ . ^Khltarating Kpor,t, indeed! , As to the bird with outspread wings,!™- v •It Vigor to the muscbta brings. K"=® ji GREAT FISHERMAN. •The Story of a Marvelous Trout* BY ED MUTT. ?y '1 Old Settle «t*ppedinto "the tavern he found the 'Squire and the . boys in ecstasies over a basket of trciut that one of them had just brought in, and after the savory fish, in the garnish­ ing of ferns, had been sufficiently ad- Bured and commented upon, and their jngrance somewhat modified by tile wotaa of several samples of assorted "goods," the Old Settler i sat down and. •said: ' "The best troutHsher I ever know'd "were Sink Yellrack o' Sugar Swamp. And lite bigger' ti*>u,t I ever know'd were ol' Redtail, the Bipper, of the same deestric'. An' he wa'n't "only the biggea' trout but he Yere the knowinest. He lived in McGonigle's Run, an'- even w'en the r&Kt settler in the Sugar Swamp Dees- trie', w'ich were Honey McGonigle his- tself, shucked his fust wolf on the banks o* that run, Bedtail, the Ripper, wa'n't BO yearlin', not by ez much ez thirty ez nigh ez Honey McGonigle Wold figure, an' he could figure ye up tile age of the oldest crow to within an ftonr of its hatchin', if v'd unly jis' give '3um oue of its tail feathers to get his /bearin's from; an' ye know crows is a Imdred years old 'fqre they've hardly • begun to cut their milk teeth yit. "Honey McGonigle lived in Sugar .Swamp Deestric' nine years , '£ore he 'were crowded by neighbors much, the ; ones bein' 'Riar Snortbore's as lived ten miles frum Hon- abin; an' off an' on for them nine Honey filled an' fished an' .fished IBcidtail, the Bipper, 'thout ever g$t- r ea much satiafaetiflii outen 'the slv ',#iiwback^j the lorfn" of a hook in ' jaw/ trout was rboui the koMf.'wntiili' Wjr, even in Honey "* * " * dayranUhe name of Red- to him'cause were bout the color of a robin's * 'cause he were a„ ripper an' no le. An' so Honey fished an' fished i day he were gathered to his i» an' the Ripper kep' on a-growin' an' knowiner, an' a-Waxin' fatter ,fsMe«-. Then new ginrations o' tried their han's «n him, an' _ _ _ high an' low an' deep an' shaller 'lfl»biitt, tr«ilin' flies an' sinkin' bugs, i«»r ooaxin' of him \vith all gorts o'traps ^ contrivances an' snares fer the warv «a' the onwar\-; but ol' Red tail, the Rip- per, unly laid back an' larfed in his , a ,Meere, an'showed hisself here an' thar t«, i*ow an' (hen in McOoniglels Run Jbt to keep the ball a-rollin'. ^ear arter the days a? Honey I fust see the ^Ripper, an' a-fishin' fer him fit. Gin'ra- had kim an' gin'rations had gone, %%osh, anJ -stiU ol' Redtail, the Ripper, ~ on, an' sassy, |mt a-showin' yepraa leetle. Then Hank ).'ell- Speared on the scene. Hank oould trout wuther the water, were bigh ; :$0t wuther it were low, or wuther it were ;• «Wroddier tb'n a gutter or clearer th'n a f 4«r o' striined honey. But. ol' Redtail, Bipper, larfed at Hank an' dared fo-ketch him jist the same ez he ^1*4 the heaps an' heaps o* drdmfry trout '"flshfers, w'ich had kim up like a flower *«n the mornin', so to si>eak, an', ben cut ' down in the evenin', b'gosh. like a jim- eon weed, an' had left the glidin' waters * t V McGonigle's Run fer the rollin' tides • o' Jurdan. Tfie impidence V the Rip- Mf1 the *Ey life had o' euchrein' > Hank, no matter how cute an' cunnia' lie played his hand, tore Hank all up^ 0 but he kep' a follerin* thiat trout up an' .. down the Run, year in an' year out, fer "fifteen year, 'cause he'd took a oath to *~csptur' ol' Redtail, the Ripper, or purrish*, ui* the 'tempt. At the end o' that time Baak were shrunk a'most^a shadder. ' was »ot back in liis head so's vthey looked like green marbles in boles in the ground, an' lie hadn't •no '&ore ('• appetite tli'n a dead calf. ' " 'But never mijid,' Hank usety say, Tfp jist a sgvin' o' my appetite fer the «ayth'tl yank ol' Redtail AUten his bole, so's I kin hev it all in one heap, •an jist set it to workin' on his contrairv t 'carcase, b'iled, fried, an' br'iled, i^a' fat­ ten up on him like a goose in a. cellar crammed with meal, an' come out sassy •?~~2W4#ipper ez a fightfe' cock.'- „ - "An' Hank kep' on a fishin'. ' ( , T^e mowt nat'rally s'pose th't dnrih' hundred year or so th't the Ittpper liad knocked aroupd in McGAmgle's th't he orter be a gittin' pld^j^eM, " sWe right. Time tht Harfk Xrpst begun to try an' sar ®edtail, ez I tol' ye, the to show his age consid'ablf, ie end o' Hank's fifteen year bijn he'd failed 'most ez bad ez One eye had took to lookin' lOa.ibeen chswiged for; one thfat to a 4ea<l uaedk'rels; his shoul- " begun to i ist theirselvea up' ipfrwwpt lookii.' ridges, an' tji' imple o'*bollerH behind 'em th't O^dd.ha' sot tea cups in. Ihe Bed- ItJUpper's ribs showed up tol'alile l^-too, an' liis giu'ral build o' car- '^i^'Sltfcfrrthftt it didnVhol' put *\ inducement for Hank's saved-tip rafts^T; ,made folks think Wank sbould happen to hook a M tUi?e ̂ ®r all.'e^ hfn|i starve to death, he we^e bnintin' for the Rip- ht. Gbnlkfjuor nobody else ~ ' the w>n- miriA •fi iiil tmi mm. uin' ol' fish fjdj jiwfy ŝo, so lank, till one day Hank see the Hipper trav- elin' up stream to*rds Biler% -l>am, an' Vhanged away at him with a load o' buckshot. Redtail stopped an' listened, tin' then riz hisself up to the top o' the Water, stuck his head out and kinder Rocked his eye 'round to see w'at the jlisturb'nce were. In doin' of it he throw'd his mouth open* an' Hank see th't th' wa'n't much left in his mouth but gums, an' a few ol' wuthless snags. That settles it!' says Hank. '01' Redtail Ripper can't chaw no more. I •'render fm',now on,' says Hank. 'I don't angle for no trout th't's half blinc* an' has to 'pend an spoon victuals,'. say« he. I s'pose my ol' mammy, 'Squire, were one o' the! high-steppinest women th't ever b'longed to s'ciety in Sugar Swamp. But she wer 'commodatin' an' a neigh­ bor setcli as th' wa'n't unly a few like. Our nex' door neighbors lived two milegl to' a half over to'ards Sproat's Clearin', an' their names vas Buzzer. Betsy . Buzzer were acortion for borrvin' things, lin' th' w'a'nt a day passed th't she did'At sen'down to our clearin' fer sumpin', • wuther 'twere the quiltin' frames, or a kittle o' soap, or mam's specs, or a side o' pork, or w'at it mowt be, an' she alius got it. Mam wov^d alius,, dress up in style an' look pleasin', air so one day She made up her mind that she'd git rid o' three or four rather acliey teeth she had left, an' she sent for Banty Bell, the boss doctor, an' had him twist 'em out. Nex' time dad went to the county seat mam went with him, an' sot foi- some bought teeth, an' fetched em hum with her. They was nice an' shiny, an' folks kim from all 'round tbe Swamp deestric' to see 'em, an' one or two ol women stuck up their noses, an' said th't some folks was gittfh' mighty proud with their store chompers an' sich, an' th't mebby it were all right, but b' gosh, th' wa'n't nuthin' truer th'n th't pride alluz went afore a faH. "The day mam fetched her bought teeth hum she were ca'c'latin' on kinder splurgin' roun' 'mongst the neighbors with 'em that, night. She Were washin' up the supper dishes w'en who. sh'd. come in but Betsy Buzzer's dar­ ter, Sally. Mam know'd o' course, sumpin' were to be borried, an' she says to Sally: , " 'Well, Sally, w'at does your mammy want?' * ~ " , " 'Mam's gointer go to a quiltin' to Mrs. Slupp's to-night,' says Sally, 'an' she says would ye please lend her yer bought teeth to wear, an' shell break 'em in fer ye.' Course mam were sorry, but she said she couldn't spare 'em that night, and Sally went back bum in a huff. Mam she put the teeth on an' went out to make her splurge. On the bridge 'crossing McGonigle's Run she met Dominie Skinner, an' she began to talk to him, a leetle thick an' cold-in-the- liead like, owin' to the room the new teeth took up, but the teeth showed up in the moonlight like gravestuns. Wile she was talkin', mam had to sneeze, an* she did, an' kebizz! went the bought teeth outen her mouth. They never stopped till they plunked into the creek* an' o' course was carried awav 'long the; bottom. Arter mam kim to lieraelf, all s^te said were : " 'It's jedgment 'on me fornot'eommo- ; datin' a neighbor!' "A, year arter that Hank Yellifeck were fishin' near Biler's Dam, w'en w'at does he see- but ol' Redtail, the Ripper, sailin' 'roun' in the deep hole, fat ez prize hog, an' ez lively an' frisky ez a colt. Hank were hidin' a-hind a stump,, eatiA' a hunk o' pork an' johnny cake| fer his grub, an' soon ez he got over hifij start at see in' the Ripper in'jyin' setch amazin' health, he chucked piece o' the pork in the water to see f w'at the tront'd de.-Ol' Redtail grabbed it an' downed it. Then, not speetin' the v Ripper would see the trick, he baited his hook with pork, an' w'en the fish had his back turned Hank dropped it' in. The Ripper gave one swash and; gobbled the bait! Hank gave a yank,. and had a hook in ol' Redtail at last. He hollered an* yelled; an' all the men at the s&wmill kim a runnin' out to the dam. The big fish tried to take Hank down stream, but Hank held him up an'? wouldn't let him. Bimeby ol' Redtail* turned head squar' up the stream an" rushed right to'ards Hank, He riz up, to the top till the bull o' his big head Were onkivered. Then he winked one o' his glassy, eyqg, opened his mouth wide, and the nex' minute Hank were turnin' back sommersets on the bank,. an' the Ripper dove down, held his tail; *bove the water for a minute, an' wig­ gled it at the 'stoni&bed.; sawmill men, and 'way he went. Hank picked him­ self up an' looked sbeepisii But w'en' he looked at his hook he 'most fainted. He see then how it were th't Redtail, the Ripper, had tuned up so fat. On the hook were my mammy's bought teeth? The Ripper had:found 'em in the creek, fitted 'emin bis jaw, an' went to feedin' on the fat o' the land agin. 'Course, w'en he foun' th't he were ketched by Hank, an* th't he couldn't get away, he jist give -up the teeth like a leetle man, an'.eg good ez said: * 'Goodby, yoii fellers, an' be durned toye!' "An' he wa'n't never seen in McGoni­ gle's Run agin." \ A.<• Curieni typ* Valuable £lf|f | The m^n is still livipg who, seventeen years ago, walked into the rooms of the Bible Society in Boston and electrified the persons whom he found there, first by his appearance, and secondly by the communication he had to make. Hi* appearance betokened more than pov­ erty, for his shabby clothes were tied together with strings. What in the world had brought such a man there was the question every one asked him­ self, and the wonder can be better im­ agined than described when the stranger remarked that he had property to the amount of $75,000, which he would like to turn over to the society if he could be guarranteed 10 per eent annually upon it for the remainder of his life, his age then being 79. The officers sup- i pressed their amazement as well as they could, took his name, verified his schedule of his possessions, $nd sub- 'mitted the case to the directors. They looked the matter over in the light of actuaries' tables, etc., and finally, after much deliberation, decided that the risk was too great, and so notified the would- be donor. Not long after he came back and renewed his. proposition to turn the money over to the society and said that he would be content with 7 per cent an­ nually. That proposition was accepted, and for some years he appeared regu­ larly at the expiration of the year and drew his interest, taking $200* in cask, and the company's note for tbe balance. After doing this-for seven years or so he turned those notes back to the company, saying that he had no use for ih'ern. He is now, at the age of bljnd, deaf, ajj£ crippled by a falL so that hte .ipannpt walk, and the Bible Society pays the bills for bis support. -- Springfield (Mass.) Unk»tt • -v.,:- R, aad shows, i, aad panoa, , tram shore to shorn, A»d Fhilaidalphia's Kayor said, I'llaead hfcn ajpftor twsnty days,* Than said thtluw O'Day McQuade, "ThamuaonaAfar noperade." ' And Mayor Hans Von Bchwartieninayr Proclaimed, "IH hitf xne no bonflar," Said "Mayor BaptisU Raphael, -No make-̂ -rtng-a-dat-a-bell." And Mayor Knud ChristoiTerrssonn Cried, "Dj«th to hjim who fjires a gjvdll* At last. Mid Mayor Wun Long 89%, • - , "Too nraehM hoop la bobber®!" " f • Aad so the Yankee holiday -- In 1900*pass«d away. BILL NYE ON THE FOURIB. His Btpoit affile Hickory Township Clreat Oration. ... " SELF-MADI man" f r o m 5 bug| •Hickory Town- t()at ship delivered. the following ® o r a tion. at» Store Grove on the Fourth of July, last year, ac<fornie cording to the \ veracious Bill .Nye: , " F E L L O W - CITIZENS : This is the anniver­ sary of the day when freedom oow-- Ineon e pure- IRAI}6M- Their -labor oldest. brttt hit lly that closed pill be wtmmiMfm. • There is no use of attempting to dis­ guise the fact that certain rings and fac­ tions in this gulch have for the last three months made desperate attempts to ig­ nore the existence of the Kicker. Hav­ ing failed to frighten or bribe- us, ostra­ cism was their little game. Vhey deter­ mined to freeze, us out. We first be­ came aware of this movement ..three months ago, when Mrs. Judge Gilder- sleeve gave her blow-out. At, that time we received the following card : All gentlsmsn attending tbia reception will be expected to wear a white shirt. toward all and malice toward none first got a foothold in this country. And we are now to celebrate that day. I say that on that day Tireny and usurpation got a setback that they will never re­ cover from. We then paved the way for the poor, oppressed foreigner, 90 that he would come to our shores and take liberties with our form of govern­ ment. To be a foreigner here in Ameri­ ca to-day is one of the sweetest boons. If I oould be just what I would like to be, I would be an oppressed for­ eigner landing on our shores, free from the taxation and responsibility of government, with nothing in my posses­ sion but a hearty God-speed from both political parti^, and a strong < yearning for beer and other people's money. Oh, why was I not born an alien, that both parties wouldn't dast to reproach--an alien that can come here and find a Government already established, with no flies on it---a Government of the peo­ ple, bv the people, and for the people? (FireAac kers and applause.] "The day that Button Gwinnett put his name to the statement that all men fne-fifteenth. "I know that this is regarded as a queer doctrine by what is called our more Advanced Thinkers, but I say let every man who5 hunts for fpme select his own style of want and go ahead. I bid him a most hearty godspeed and hope he will do well. \ "But what makes me mad is for a man to come to me and dictate what I shall pant for. This is called intoler­ ance by people who can afford to use words of that size. Intolerance is a thing that makes me tired. Whether it's religious, political, or social intol­ erance, I dislike it very much. > "But again, in closing, let me say that we owe it to our common country to be peaceable citizens and pay our taxes without murmuring. The time to, get in our fine work is on the valua­ tion, and 'it is too late to kick after that. Let us cultivate a spirit of lofty patriotism, but believe nothing just to oblige others.. I used to be a great be­ liever in anything that was submitted for my approval. That was what kept me back. Now, if a man like Jay Gould says he is not feeling so well as he did I make him show me his tongue. "A's boy and man I havte been a con­ stant user of- American freedom for over fifty years, add can truly say that I feel no desire to turn back; also that there will be a grand, free-for-all scuffle The Glorious Fenrth. There is no doubt about the popularity of the Fourth. To the small boy it is Christmas, New Year's, and a birthday all rolled into one, and almost every­ body knows that the Fourth of July lies over any day that any effete monarchy can produce. It is highly probable, however, that the members of manv a joy­ ous family who are looking forward with glad anticipation to the delights of the day will confess when it is all over that they wish they had stayed in the cellar all day and played tag instead of running around trying to See all that was going oii. . 4Mk was created more or less equal, the spot on whiek we now stand was a howling wilderness. Where yonder lemonade stand now stands and realizes; a clean profit of $47.35 on an investment of $6.50, the rank thistle nodded in the wind and the wild fox dug his hole unscared. If you do not believe this, I refer you to the Principal of our public school^ who is to-day assisting in the band, and who is now in the act of upending his alto horn to pour out about a teacupful of liquid melody that he had left over from the last time. "And why is this? Why are we to­ day a free people, with a surplus in the treasury^ that nobody can get at ? [Loud applause and a squeal from a grass-fed horse tied to a tree who is being kicked by a red ^ear-old owned by the path-? master of Road District No. 3.] "Why are our resources so great that they almost equal our liabilities? Wby is everything done to make it pleasant? for the rich man and every inducement held out for the poor man to accumu­ late more and more property. Why is it that so much is said about the tariff by men who do not support their fam­ ilies ? Why is it that when we vote for a President of the United States we have to take our choice between a states­ manlike candidate with great ability and proclivities for grand larceny--why is it that we are given our choice ber tween tfiis kind of a man and what Vir­ gil refers to in his 'Childe Harold' as a chump? [Cheers and cries of "That's so" from a man who is riveted to the spot by means of a new pitch-plank on which he is sitting, and which will not permit him to move out of the sun?] "I would rather have my right hand cleave to the roof of my mouth than to utter a sentiment that I would regret, but I say that as a people, as a nation, or as an inalienable right which no man can gainsay, or successfully controvert, not for political purposes, and yet I am often led to inquire whither we are drifting, not only as a people and as a nation, but as a country and as a joint School District No. 6, where we now Stand and where we are paying a school teacher this summer $22 a month to teach the children, little . prattling children, during the hot summer weather, how many feet of intestines there are in the human body and what isjbes&to dp' fwr it? Last winter we pud pet month to a matt who oftened thA school with prayer and then made a picture of the digestive organs Im'ttelM&Mtfd. Aad will we wq* r-r -v* ^ .'1 for a greased pig on the vacant lot south of the church at 7 o'clock, after which fireworks will be served to those who desire tp remain." Things a WelKBred Lady Avoids. She never laughs or talks loudly in public places. She never tujns round to look after anyone when walking on the street. She never accepts a seat from a gen-1 tleman in a street-car without thanlrinpr him. She never accepts a valuable present from a gentleman acquaintance nnlwM engaged to him. She never wears clothing so singular or striking as to attract particular at­ tention in public. She does not wear her monograms about her person, or stick it over her letters and envelopes. She never snubs other young ladies eyen if they happen to be leas popular or well favored than herself. She does not allpw gentlemen to join her on the street unless they are very intimate acquaintances. She never forgets her ballroom, en­ gagements pr refuses to dance with one gentleman and immediately dances with another. She never speaks slightingly of her mother, and says "she don't care whether her behavior meets with ma­ ternal approbation or not." She never takes supper or refresh­ ments at a restaurant with a gentleman after attending a theater unless accom­ panied by a lady much older than her­ self. < unaov§ WO PATBIOV. If you're waking, call me earlj^ '" , Call me early, mother dear, ; For to-morrow ia the happiest 4sv Of all this glad old year; t There'» Bobby Hack and Jimmy Squeetf And little Tommy Flynn ' Have promised to buy some &t*eoracker% If I put np the tin. iii/ ' You'll be sure to hear me twitfjjSi;. ' 1 At the first tap of the gong, f'-g* ' ' .. Good-night- your little Willy May not be with you long. • > Jf« Firecrackers tor George. "Mother, I'll bet George Washington shot off lots of firecrackers on the Fourth of July when he was a boy." "Yes, I reckon he did." "Well, I reckon ;he didn't, 'cause there wasn't any Fourth of July when he was a boy. Ha, ha! You're a smart woman." The inference was plain as the pim­ ples on Mrs. Judge Gildersleeve's nose. They thought we hadn't a white shirt. They thought we'd attend with an army blanket thrown carelessly over our shoulders. The object was to let us know that Mrs. Judge Gildersleeve didn't look upon us as knowing what be­ longed to manners. It was all right. We didn't go. As to whether the Gild­ ersleeve ring came out ahead opinions differ. Our account of the party, headed: "Gathering of Vultures" is still going the rounds of the press. In that article we proved Judge Gildersleeve to be an em­ bezzler and a horse-thief, and we ad­ duced positive evidence that Mrs. Judge was a broken-down and played-out for­ tune-teller who had been compelled to skip from St.stionis. The Judge called at the Kicker office next day witli a shot-gun, but when we brought out more letters--proofs that he had served time in three prisons and that Mrs. Judge still had the workhouse cut on her hair when she arrived in Arizona-- the Judge did not shoot. The Jackass Hill set next tried to make us sing small. They got mad be­ cause we weren't puffing them in every issue. Colonel Docker had two shill­ ings worth of repairs mtule to his mule harness, and the Kicker didn't notice it. Mrs. Prof. Frothingham turned an old silk dress top-to-bottom, and the- Kicker didn't come out with a notice that she had received another $500 dress from Worth. Maj. Hornblower put a porcelain door-knob on the front door of his mud house, and the Kicker didn't come out and list it as one of the enter­ prises bound to bring in new settlers and boom real estate. It was, there­ fore, determined to down us. Lily De Lisle, the red-headed daughter of the one-legged County Clerk, made her debut, and we were not invited to the blow out. In was an action intended to break our heart; and we promptly countered. It was on our tip that the Sheriff went up about 10 o'clock that evening and gathered in two bigamists from New England, an embezzler from Ohio, and a fugitive from ChicagQ, all of whom were looked upon as the cream of society, and were airing their frills and scallops at the great debut. We are here to stay. We put up our own shanty with our own hands. We board and lodge ourselves, and we have not only got the cost of living down so fine, but are getting our white paper so cheap that we can make money on a list of thirty subscribers and three pages of dead ads. We are going to run the Kicker after our own style, whether it pleases the bigbugs of Jackass Hill or the half-starved coyotes in Poverty Hol­ low. While we don't hanker after in­ vitations toeuchre parties and church socials, we don't propose to take a snub from any set. While we are willing to boom tbe town, we don't propose to. sit up nights to let the outside world know that some citizen has added a bathtub to his dug-out, or that some merchant has just received a fresh wad of bed- ticking. There has been hints thrown out by the court-house ring that we are to be starved out. Try it on, gentlemen! We are now fifteen dollars ahead of the game, have paper enough on hand for ten weeks, and our living' expenses last week footed up only 65 cents. We came to stick.--Arizona Kicker. > j 1 Two Ways for Sunday. "Do you sell hand-painted pictures here ?" asked a lank woman, ia an avenue picture gallery. "Yes; ma'am, we do," said the oblig­ ing picture dealer rolling his hands a la Lady Macbeth; "any particular 8tyle?" <9. • "You bet! Particular style is just; what I'm after. Some folks out our way bought a picture here that hung- two ways for Sunday. That's the kind I want." "Two ways for Sunday? I don't think I understand you, ma'am." "You don't look as if you did. Wall,* when they fust got it they hung it up and it was the nicest picture of all out­ doors. You ever see a real hand-painted land escape?" "Yes." "On Sunday they turned it up-side down, and it was one of them foreign Cathedral churches, with fourteen steeples, and a religious atmosphere. Now, I want one just like it, for if them stuck-up Poppers can have one, I can. Trot it out." The picture dealer struck a compro­ mise on one that represented a fire scene in winter, and an ice palace in summer, but he said it was a close call. --Detroit Free Press. A Triumphant Struggle. A child was more fond of candy than her mother thought good for her. What was thought a proper share was doled out to her one day, and the rest put away on the high shelf of a cupboard beyond the child's reach. Her mother cautioned her not to attempt reaching it and left the room. Returning after a while, she looked into the room, stand­ ing where the child could not see her, and surveyed the scene. There stood the child, her feet on the first shelf, to which she had climbed by aid of a chair, and her hand grasping the candy, which she had reached to her lips. There it paused for a moment, the little face bent in earnest thought. Suddenly the candy flew from her lips and into the bag again as the child leaped from the shelf on to the chair and thence to the floor, where she struck an attitude and shouted exultantly: "There, God! I didn't eat it after all!" Swift Birds. Thomas Alexander, in his book en­ titled "Game Birds of the United States," says that wild ducks unaided by the wind, fly from 60 to 100 miles an hour, and that' the blue-winged teal, "goingdown the wind at the top of his speed, will make fully 150 miles an hour, possibly more." The swiftest bird on the wing is the frigate bird, a sort of nautical bird of prey. Sailors believe that it can start at the peep of dawn from the coast of Africa, end fol­ lowing the trade winds, land on the American coast before sunset. It can undoubtedly fly more than 200 miles an hour, but we do not know of aay trust­ worthy speed of wlr.ch it is capable.-- GoMm Zftpt. -"Z H * , t . jf • A syndicate of pul fected arrangements practically t6 give a bushuws of reproducing hera books. The names of the members of the syndicate are kept secret al jtteeent, but it is expected that it will aoon be known by the stupendous surprises they propose to flash upon their business ri­ vals. The syndicate has made a three- years' contract with a company con­ trolling a process for reproducing books for all that they can do in that time, and the company is fitting up an expen­ sive plant for the carrying out of the work. It is asserted that fac-simile Elates ready for printing can be made y the company at a cost of three and one-quarter cents a square inch, and could be profitably furnished as low as one cent a square inch. One of the company, Mr. Penfold, says: "The amount of matter that a compositor would charge $6 for setting we can fur­ nish, blocked and ready for the press, at a profit, for 50 cents." In a general way the process is understood by many, bnt the especial features that make it valuable are secrets carefully guarded by the three gentlemen who constitute the company. As far as they are will­ ing to make it known it is as follows: _ The instant that a book for reproduc­ tion is put into their hands it is ripped apart and its pages are put into fixed places before half a dozen cameras sim­ ultaneously operated. No time is lost in focussing, and the making of nega­ tives of the pages is a matter of only a few moments. Each negative is transferred to a transparent rub­ ber film, which is stripped from the glass and used to print from, after which it is laid away, like a sheet of paper, and can be kept indefinitely. The printing is done upon heavy sheets of gelatine, from one thirty-second to one-sixteenth of an inch thick, prepared with bichromate of potash and other chemicals. Ten pages are thus repro­ duced at once upon each sheet of gela­ tine, and, as there is space on the roof for laying out at once forty of these sheets in their printing frames, one hour of sunshine will give 400 pages printed on the gelatine. The jjortions of the gelatine upon which the light has not acted are easily washed out with brushes and warm water, leaving the letters, pictures, or other photographed images, in bold relief, ane only six or eight hours are required to dry the plates perfectly. The plates thus prepared are blocked to type height, and it is affirmed that as many as 200,000 clear impressions can be made from them if they are not touched by water or subjected to excess­ ive heat. Their relief is equal to that of ordinary type at least, and the out­ lines are sharp. F .gravers are ready to carefully overlook and repair each plate should a spot appear in which the printing has been defective, but so cheap is the work of reproduction that if it is found that more than five min­ utes will be needed to make a plate per­ fect it is simply tossed aside and a new one is made in its stead. It is evident that important details are missing from this general recital of the process, but those are the secrets of the gentlemen who do the work and! their security against rivalry. Enough has l>een told to demonstrate how cheaply and rapidly the work can be done, and to show that so purely me­ chanical is the whole business that it will cost no more by it to reproduce a page of agate or of rule and figure work) than a page of two-line pica, which; would not be the same in type-setting, and that it will be just as cheap to re­ produce in this way the finest "editions de luxe" of European works as the com­ monest "penny dreadfuls." Further­ more, it is averred that any illustra­ tions printed with type in the original can be perfectly reproduced* no matter how delicate they may be, for no more cost than plain type.--New York Sun. The Newspaper Side of Literature, A long editorial on the "Newspaper 3ide of Literature," concludes as fol-! lows: "Nothwithstanding all the evil tendencies of current journalism--the ilisregard of accuracy, the irreverence, the cruel and impertinent gossip--there we indications which are highly en- souraging. "The fact must be recognized that not all the successful methods of the im­ mense dailies are bad methods. There is a certain thoroughness and enterprise about them that impresses, and which will be a feature of the management of the ideal 'newspaper of the future.' We notice, also, a tendency in some of the most sensational of these papers towards better things--towards a certain legiti­ mate 'sensationalism.' Manners and methods have been modified under an increasing sense of responsibility and in the endeavor to reach a solid as well as numerous circulation. Wo have spoken recently of the growing independence of the political press, of which independ­ ence examples accumulate. The sensa­ tional newspaper's editorial page already often shows a gravity and pith of style evidencing ability and conscience. There is a growing tendency towards the fear­ less, generous, and public-spirited dis­ cussion of living questions. Let us hope that these signs indicate a reaction against a state of tilings that is depre­ cated by the best men engaged in the profession of daily journalism. "With all its faults the newspaper of to-day is a tremendous power for good; for the perpetuation of freedom; for the criticism and reform of government; for the betterment of social conditions. The daily press has reformed many things, and ought to be, and is, fully able to re­ form itself."--The Century. Not Much of a Risk. U "I don't know about that young Wa bash, my dear," said Mr. Breezy, of Chicago, to his beautiful daughter HAre you really interested iivhim?" •' "Papah, I adore him!" "I hear that he is somewhat fast," went on the old man, dubiously, "and I am very much afraid that your married life might not be happy." "Don't be foolish, papah," said the girl, twining her arms around his neck. "George is truly noble; and, besides, if he doesn't pan out well, it will be easy enough to get a divorce."--New York fits Atm Mist. Sun. A Bat Plague. Several mail routes in Outer Mongo­ lia have had to be altered on account of the appearance of swarms of rats, whose burrows are very dangerous to the mounted couriers, and whose ravages have destroyed all forage for the horses. The pastures have suffered severely from the vermin during the past two years, and last season nearly every blade of grass was eaten up in the infested districts.--Arkansaw Traveler. A BARBER at Suez, Arizona, while shaving a man was seized with an at­ tack of homicidal, mania and out l$j» $$•<;, tomer's throat from ear to ' •: A TACBT ean sta§4 ,JPL a taok •wearing. Few A MAM maj not have a stitch to li|s back, but still have one in Ids s&di## Yonkers Statesman. K A METHOD is wanted by which Igibi-' fly skeletons can be kept ia their cloe- ets.--Boston Courier. A WELL-MEANING man--one who digs. JUST now the favorite tune with at the seaside is Peptone. TIME flies and stays for no man. Th* only fellow who can beat it is the musi­ cian.--Merchant Traveler. THE manufacture of corsets has be­ come so perfected that squeezing a girl is about as satisfactory as hugging tbe sitting-room stove.--Boston Courier. SOME men are always looking for things that are pointed in a newspaper, and yet if their names are used to sharpen the points they are too dull ft) see where the fun comes in.--Shoe and Leather Reporter. MISTRESS--Bridget, I don't think tlie flavor of this tea is as fine as the last we bad._ Bridget--Faith, mum, an' me cousins are of the self-same opinion. They said last avenin' that the aromy were Ivastely.--The Epoch. ANOTHER writer of negro dialect has been discovered in the South. We fear, if things keep on, the negro dialect wili arrive at such a state of perfection th** it will be taken for Bostonese English. --Rochester Post-Express. * FEATHERLY (making a call)--I sup­ pose you will soon be going into the country, Mrs. Hendricks? Mrs. Hen­ dricks--Yes; we leave for the Catskills next week. Mr. Hendrieks will come up once a month for a day or so. Feath­ erly--Yes ; I heard him say that he was looking forward to a pleasant summer. --New York Sun. MAGISTRATE--Thirty days, Uncle Bastus. It's disgraceful that an old man like you should get drunk! What would you think if you were to see me reeling along the streets under the in­ fluence of liquor? Uncle Bastus--I would think, yo' Honah, dat yo' was habbin' a mounty fine time, an' wifout no danger ob gettin,' sent up fer ife^- The Epoch. '• IN one of the public schools not long ago an exercise was conducted which consisted of each scholar being re­ quired to repeat a sentence containing a certain word selected by the teacher. One day the word given out was loye. After a number of children had re­ peated sentences, little Johnny Pem- blecod delivered himself of Solomon's words: "Stay me with flagons! comfort me with apples, for I am sick of love lB --Arkansaw Traveler. PETER, the Hermit, (meeting Lord Bateman)--Bate, old boy, you always look happy, and yet you're a married man. How the deuce do you do it? Lord B.--Weli, I'll tell you, old man. I've got the best wife in the world, and my mother-in-law is an angel ? Pete-- Your mother-in-law an angel! Say, where is she? I want to get a look at her? Lord B.--Can't do it now, old man. YouVe got to -wait till you gcifQgr: Heaven. She's there.--Puck. ONE TOUCH OF NATURE. U " The wind was high, his hat blew afl * • And rolled along the street. ? "Great Scott!" he cried, and after it. . s • He ran with nimble feet. It stopped--he reached it--an he atOOpedP'f - • To take it up, a guat Jf V-". Came suddenly, and off th»hat Went In a whirl of dust. . /< The sage, the fool, the grave, the (n, , J • - Young, middle-aged, and old, 1 The tall, the short, the lean, the 1st, - The timid and the bold, ^ r : # The rich, the poor, all laughed to am . The dicer whirl and spin-- This is the touch of nature, sure. , That makes the whole world kiijli --Boston Courier. The Boston Boy's Culture. The small boy is always a curiosity and not infrequently is he pretty amus­ ing. The young Boston boy is not in­ frequently a wonder as well. The fi- year-old boy of a wealthy--and self- made--dweller on Back Bay was the other noon dining with his governess, when, to her amazement, she not hav­ ing been long enough in the family to be accustomed to his manners, he said sharply to the servant who was waiting upon the table: "Take that soup off and send it down stairs. It is not properly cleared. The cook has no right to send me such soup, and I shall report her to mamma." The maid, evidently trained to obdy his behests, meekly removed the offend­ ing dish, and the meal proceeded in silence until the waiter, in an ill- judged attempt to soothe the wounded feelings of the precocious little* wretch, laid her hand gently upon his. hair. Thereupon a burst of indignant wrath warned her that the sacred person of her young master was not to be trifled with. He demanded an apology for this unwarrantable familiarity, and re­ ceived it with a cold condescension as painful to see as.it was unchildlike and unhealthy. What the future of a child of this sort is likely to be one does not like to reflect, but it can hardly be such as will make him either a helpful or an agreeable member of so­ ciety. Another Bmall boy in the same region displayed a whimsical regard for eti­ quette on a recent occasion, which he must have absorbed from the Boston air, since he had never been taught any­ thing so absurd at home. He was standing with his mother by the win­ dow one morning, when a playmate of his own age, wbo with his little sister was standing at the window on the op­ posite side of the street, nodded to him. TTom did not return the salute, but ^looked confused, and when Jack nodded iagain he began to blush. "Why, Tom," his mother said, "don't you see Jack bowing to you? Why don't you bow to him ?" "But, mamma,"'small Tom answered, looking greatly distressed, "how can-I? I dont know his sister." Which shows that, as in the days when Gen. Gage was interviewed by Boston schoolboys on the subject of the destruction of their skating ponds, and so on, by the British troops, the chil­ dren drew in "a love of liberty with the very air they breathed," now the smalt fry of the Hub imbibe a passionate .. ' votion to the sacred laws at etiquette.*-- "'providence Journal. ( ---- *. Beady with the Weeds. "Smoking," said \\a doctor "Wackeflii the lungs." ~ "I know it," said the patient, "but then there is no color more durable or moj*e generally useful than black." "But," persisted the doctor, "youH smoke yourself to death." "Oh, well, then," calmly replied the sick man, "I'll have my lungs already in mourning."--Burdette. J * IT IS not impossible to meet with * J refu New Banen : •'-ti • - i ^ iir ^ ^