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mm STtHJtKHu*. itomMtbwilkr; M Chit cost* no pataf toe lig'.n,-pressed brojrf --I «f CtUMifmvu";; • girt with the li-Hi-Ruards, yuiii th« stormy IM ; i way tcnoni tha toil retards j ife and the hett and the dual for t Alexander weaving the bitter tear of wartdi foJ1 the victor's quest; A wall laid on his gorgeous bier, i Ar«t and hi* oniy rest; a blind to the sons of time, i jasper-courts at last-- that steera through the imf tte tSaayrle for hia high repast. j "• r'i. ; ' "I najlt I tin fi nil of tbe topmost boagh; LitUai who trembles desert the fray; . i ;l :8rtUl of the crown ou the victor 's brow, the lions that guard the way, 1 <> fWHl |ime is short and the arm is frail, Jksi the bark mnv weather no other gale. And the dews of death may be gathering now; tot fixed is my gaze on tin topmost bough. •I want the fruit of the topmost bough; Tlaedluy height and 'tis lonely there; . ftotthe breezes play o'er the fevered brow, Aadthe Droit of that bough is very fair. ' Vbalfl feat and draam while a shred of life,' , While a spark of hope is left in mqf la this the way to the meed of strif '̂-j;,. Ia this the Eden beyond the sea? i . J ""In the marble offigy and bust I read bat a dream of the prize I seek; . For grifte of it all it is dust to dust, A willing mind, but a flesh that is weak. Do I call memorials like these A fitting prize for the deathless soql? I* this the fruit that 1 longed to seiM? Ia this my star--my crown--my goal?" ^ ^ •O weary heart of the toiler, turn , , * lYom the maze of doubt and duat of strife. And look for once on the empty urn A®d the wide-strewn ashos of vanished UJft; AMthen, beholding thy hotter hope, Ik atarward gaze and with steadfast brow, the wicket -gate that the angels ope; Ibis la the fruit of the tosmost bonsai AIBMIIIT. Mr. ME WITH LOVE 4K IT. BT GRACK WIJiTKBOP. A spring rain was falling gently, con­ tinuously on Mrs. True's garden. The lately transplanted geraniums and pe­ tunias lifted their heads gratefully to the warm shower, and the fuchsias and sweet alyssum brightened tinder its in­ fluence. If their mistress could have seen them, she, too, would have rejoiced, for the flowers were her children, petted dar­ lings, for whom no care could be too great, no attention too painstaking. She Bad housed them in winter, set them out in summer, trimmed, guarded, hung over them year after year. Involuntarily one looked for her mild face at the window, smiling out upon ' them, but she was not to be seen. For the second time only in her life Mrs. True lay in her chamber, too ill to heed the pattering rain, or to think of the plants growing 90 fast in the sweet, moist air, even though, through the open window of her room, both sounds and scents entered freely, the peaceful sounds and healthful scents of the country. It was very still in the room where «he lay; very still and orderly. The old furniture was polished and speck- less: the linen was white as snow; -against the pillows, which had been a part of her bridal outfit, rested the gray bead, still neatly eared for, and the face, with its pallor, still wore a look of kindly patience. At her side sat her husband, good Deacon True, with bowed head and sad «yes; and in his work-hardened hand he iield her feeble one. * Presently a footstep sounded on the muddy sidewalk outside. Then the gate latch clicked. Borne one walked tip the path and tapped softly on the house door, and was as softly admitted. But the two, with their faces turned toward each other, took no notice. "How is she?" said the neighbor <1OWB stairs who had "dropped in." "Failin'," answered Fidelia Perkins, the maid of all work, temporarily en­ gaged for the emergency. "How's he?" "Fairly beat out with griavin'. Seems if he hadn't no heart for eatin' or dnnkm' or nothin'. Just settin' up there along o' her, andholdin' her hand. . -I never did see folks set sech store bv <eaeh other as they do." "Well, they haven't nobody else to *et store by, you see," said the visitor, wtabliwhing herself by the fire, and balding out two substantial feet to the ̂ "No, that's so," assented Fidelia, tak- WgOUt her knitting. '"Now you just *a*ke yourself comfortable, Mis' Clapp. real glad to see somebody. It's •dreadful lonesome Jjeie. Jest those ad me and 1' on earth much as a Sup nowhenj . . _. Ji see sucn bouaekeepin'." "Shewas a master hand for cleanin'," •aid Mrs. Clapp, shaking her head thoughtfully, "and as I say, there warn't no children to make dirt." "No, there warn't, but them plants is about as bad, to my thinkin', cluttering up the place half the year, and havin' to trail around with a waterin' pot, and weedin' and stewin' over 'em the rest of the time. She took a sight of comfort in'em, though." "She.was a real good woman, Mis' True was," sighed Mrs. Clapp, speaking -already in the past tense. "And he's a powerful good man." "There ain't no better." "Queer such good folks hadn't a family."' "Well, they did have otte child." "Do tell ? I never heard of it before. JBoy or girl?" "Boy, I believe; law, Mis' True was -most tickled to death about it. She was as proud as an old hen with one -cluck, but it didn't last long. I was sent for to nurse her, and she was a •dreadful sick 'woman, out of her head, just raving about that baby; goin' on •about what slie was meaning to do for -it Slie had it all planned out for a lifetime how she was a-goin' to rock him • to sleep nights, and how, by and bv, he • was agoin' to set to the table in a "high -«bair alongside of her, and, finally, how 1M was to take the farm and live with ~tbem always. My! she was ramblin' •°q y fast and a smiling away to herself, TWule the rest of us--me and the doctor the deacon--was jest a-fighting for that baby's life. And, at last, when she come to herself, there warn't xiothin' but a dead baby to show her." "Dear, dear f did she take on much ?" «aid Fidelia, dropping her knitting in -her lap. .. •She didn't screech nor' cry; but she jest turned awful white, and her 'eyes got 'trig and bad lookin'; it,was r enough to ba nt you to see 'em, and she never said nothin' to me; jest moaned, and caught I a hold of the deacon's coat sleeve as if I : -she needed somethin' to comfort her. t ^It did seam's if her heart. was broke * •mare. She never, had no more chil- , <b-en." ' • ' i *X guess that's why they've been so ; "jnt Mffeach other," mused Pidelia. 1 as to that, there ain't no tellm'J ^8otjp,.|ew folks are so,--considerate and -but mighty few. Most married deaoon and Mis' True they'll bn«Kki they wa« a-courtan' all these years. He's done all the chores for her that a mortal man could do, and she's been as sweet to him--well, as sweet as one of them doves a-oooin' away out there on the barn." "Hark.- What's that?" said Fidelia, holding up one hand, warningly. It was only the sound of a weak voice, above, and a deeper voice trying to an­ swer soothingly. While the two women had talked the afternoon had waned. The rain seemed like fast-falling tears. The flowers, Home of them, were closing drowsily. The shadows were deepening. The light green foliage of a birch tree near the house looked gray in the twilight. Through the open chamber window above sounded the sleepy trill of a bird, safely snuggled in his nest under the young leaves. Curiously enough this tender note alone had the power to rouse the dying Ionian. She had always been in close sympathy with all fair, helpless things, flowers, young birds, and infants, Now, in her extremity, this weak cry pieroed to her heart and woke her. "Where's the baby?" she whispered. "Why don't they bring the baby to me ?" She was living over again her only Sickness. She fancied herself young Once more, voting and filled with a strange, great happiness. The years between had vanished. They were happy years, too, happier' than most people enjoy, for her desire^ had been easily gratified, her ambitions were of the simplest kind. To live within their small means; to lay aside a little each year; to keep the house im­ maculate and the flowers thriving; to know peaceful nights and quiet, un­ eventful days; to help a neighbor in trouble; to sit in the village church regularly on Sundays, and to be sure that the grass grew green and the white violets flourished over a certain small mound in the graveyard; these were the utmost limits of her hopes. Her one great grief had grown to be a tender memory, and all the days since had been prosperous and serene, un­ clouded by one harsh look or word. Now, suddenly, she was young again, a young wife in her new home, with all her humble household treasures new about her, and this thrill of expectation in her breast. "Where's the baby? Why don't they bring the baby to me?" she repeated, eagerly. Her husband leaned forward, pressing her hand in both of his. • "The baby?" he said, "what baby?" For him the sad present had swallowed up the past. '"Our baby,"„ she whispered, with a look of rapture in her faded eyes. "Oh, Lois!" He bent his head still lower. That shadowy child of theirs seemed hardly more than a dream to him. He had never held it, or played with it, or talked to it in imagination, as she had. "His name* is Josiah, for you," contin­ ued the dying woman, trying to tighten her clasp of the hand holding hers, and looking earnestly up at him. "He will be little Jo. Perhaps his eyes are like yours; and he will be a good man like you, I hope. We will teach him to be good, won't we?" "Yes, yes, Lois." "But why don't they bring him to me? I want so much to hold him, only once, for a little while. I won't keep him long. I want to feel his little hand on my face and kiss his little cheek. Please tell them to bring him." "Hush, hush, Lois, dear." "Perhaps they don't know where his clothes are. I laid them all ready in the top drawer of the bureau in the spare room, his little blue socks, and Ins shirt, and the white slip--they said he must wear slips at first, not dresses. Everything's ready. A boy, you said. Oh. do let me hold him now." The old man groaned aloud and tried to quiet her, but without success. Out doors a wind was rising, a soft wind, fragrant with the bitter-sweet breath of blossoming peach trees. If sighed at the open window, and swept a branch of the birch tree against the upper panes. The deacon tried to rise to close the glass, but she moved uneasily as if to sit up in bed. He put his arms out to support her. She hardly seemed to sea or feel them. Slowly her face grew radiant with surprise and delight. "Ah, you have brought him to me s>t last," she cried, with hands outstretched. "Quick, give him to me here, close to my heart. Oh, how dear, how beauti­ ful he is. I had not thought he would be half so beautiful." She held her arms as if they en­ circled a little form, and bent her face over them in tenderest mother fashion. "My baby! my baby!" she whispered. Then with a sigh of utter content, «wlt back upon her pillows. The women down-stairs listened for the sound of voices to begin again, ex­ pecting to be summoned, but no such summons came. Night and darkness fell in the garden and closed about the house. Fidelia put a lamp outside the chamber door and shut the door quietly. She glanced to­ ward the bed where Mrs. True seemed to be asleep, her husband, with his face buried in the pillow, near her. She left all the necessary articles for the niglit and moved away with a noiseless step. The hours went on slowly and silently. The stars shone out in the sky at last, while the flowers slept down in the shadows, and the little "bird was gently rocked in his soft cradle. All was still in the house where children's •feet had never pattered up and down, ,nor children's voices echoed. "Take on ? Well, not like some folks. f When morning, calm and sunny, brightened the _ quiet room it showed the woman's face glorified with a smile >of absolute peace. Who knows? Per- thaps, indeed, her baby had been brought tto her. " DOT*lopa iMrvM»l IdMM. ' [Detroit Free Praaa.] "Maybe you like to go into some •peculations mit me," said Carl Dunder, as he went down to see Sergt. Bendall yesterday. "What'have you got on hand?" was the cautious inquiry. "Vhell, my wife vhas took seek, nnd I call a doctor. He says it vhas a bad ease und I shall gif her medicine ten times a day for four days." Beside her, white and wan in the Sunshine, lay her faithful companion. ^Whether hearts do break or not, I can­ not tell. Heaven,* at least, had merci­ fully leathern die together, quietly, as They lived. • Guzzleby Safe. Charlie, I am afraid that if Guzzleby stop drinking soon he'll jiave I-Vlon' anakes in his booti|, • "I'm not." \ '•{ "Why not?" "Why, there isn't a snake in the world that hasn't more self-respect tlmn to be seen in hipi company. • "Ah, but you know that delirium (tremens is only an affection of the mind." "Then I'm sure Guzzleby won't have them.--Siftings. •. - * < •* . * -:..i •U OHOULD earthquakes be referred to as . real estate movements" or "matters id folks get tired of livin' fogetlier, or, at connection with ground rents ?"--Bo&Um iiyrate, tliey appear W to borne. Well?" "Dot makes forty doses, eh?" j.:* "Yes." i:• "Und she vhas four days in bed?" "Yes." "Vhell, I gif her dot forty doses in one dav und she vhas cured. Dot safes three days, doan' it? Maype I vhas an old greenhorn und doan' know some cabbages* und maype I vhasn't. Eh, Sergeant?" "What else?" "Vhell, two days ago a stranger comes in my place. Vhas I Carl Dunder?, I •has. All right. Mr. Dunder, I like you to make some monev mit me. You vhas a good feller, und 1 like to see you a rich man. In Southf America vild horses vhas only $5 apiece. Dose same horses vhas worth $75 in Detroit. Dot vhas a brofit of $70 on each horse. We go in und buy 1,000 wild horses. Dot vhas $70,000 for us." "And you bit, of course?" "I doan' bite nobody. I doan' know dot man. He may be [all right, und he may be a rascal. So I doan' put in but two hooneerd dollars until I find oudt." The Sergeant groaned. "But I doan' depend on dot so werry much," continued Mr. Dunder in a re­ flective way. "Sergeant, vhas you my friendt?" "I've tried to be." "Vhell, I belief dot, und I like to see you some nabobs. I guess I let you gpto some leetle secret dot makes us pcli in two months. Dot vhas petter as being a poHcemans, eh?" "What is it?" "You'll keep quiet?" "Yes."^ "Und not say one word?*' "Not a word." "Vhell, she vhas some natural gas?" whispered Mr. Dunder as he bent over the desk. "A natural-gas well?" *Ypr " "Where?" "In my back yard! She was dis­ covered last eafnings." / "Mr. Dunder, I'm afraid not." "Hey! Doan' I know nothings! Vfcas I always in der wrong?" "Tell me about it. V / " Vhell, yesterday afternoon a ftflb looking man comes softly in my place und takes a seat und doan' shpeak to nopody. Pooty soon he pegin to shmell mit his nose, und I belief he vhas mad aboudt dot Limburger sheese in der ice box. But no, in a leedle time he calls me oafer to sit down und says he doan' know for certain, but maybe he like to buy my place for $5,000. He like to look m der yard first." "Humph!" "Oh, you keep shtill a leedle. I took him oudt, und he shmell all aroundt, Imd pooty soon he shtop at one place und shmell mit all his might. Vhen he gets oop he takes me in one corner und says he can make us both rich in a month. I haf some natural-gas well in dot back yard." "And you gave him some money?" "Vhell, we put in $100 apiece to de­ velop dot well. If you come up to­ morrow you can see him boring. I! guess I let you into der speculation.' You vhas alvays my friendt, und--" The Sergeant arose, took Mr. Dun­ der by the arm, and, leading him to the corner, pointed down to the river. "Do you mean I shall go oafer to Canada?" "No. Stop when you get half-way!" "Und sink to der bottom ?" •Yes." "Because I vhas a greenhorn?" "Yes." ; , ,1 "Sergeant, you go by Halifax! 1 doan' come down no more. Vhen you see me go by in my carriage mit a drifer doan' you look at me, for I shan't shpeak mit you! I offer you some shances to be a nabob und you insult me. Dot eands me oop. Good-by." Canine Perseverance. An English clergyman relates this amusing anecdote: "I was conducting a week-evening service in a large aud ugly town church. It was summer time, and the church doors were open, I was standing at the lectern reading the lessons, when my eye caught, through the doorway, the figure of Carlo, a large black spaniel, with which I was on friendly terms. The recogni­ tion was mutual. My acquaintance trotted up the aisle and brought him­ self to anchor a few feet in front of where I was standing. He watched me with close attention, evidently wonder­ ing at my unfamiliar garb and estranged manner, but in doubt whether to mani­ fest recognition bv jumping up along­ side of me, or by indulging in friendly barks at a distance. However, he com­ promised matters by thumping audibly with his tail on the church floor, to the amusement of some of the younger memberst>f the congregation, who eyed him with infinite glee over the ends of their pews. ^ "The sexton all this time was se­ renely watching some children playing in the churchyard--watching, with the instinct of his tribe, for the youngsters to commit some offence for which he might exact vengeance. He was aroused to the awakwardness of mv position by a special messenger, and thereupon en­ sued dignified but ridiculous efforts to eject the intruder. The dog dodged the sexton up and down the aisles, rejected his allurements and decently subdued chirrupings, now and again 'rolling an appealing eye upon me to stop this ri­ diculous trifling and come down and pat him. Finally, when the "ssistant beadle' had joined in the chase, the creature made a bolt up the gallery stairs and was lost to view amid the ; lonely waste of benches. "But the incident was not at an end. I had dismissed from my mind the im- ; prudence of my canine friend, and the i service had proceeded peacefully as far as sermon time. Scarcely had I begun my discourse when it became evident that some stronger attraction wasen- faging the attention of my audience, iifting my eye from my manuscript, I beheld the head of the dreadful dog looking wistfully over the gallery, within a few yards, and, from the ex­ pression of his countenance, it was but too evident that he was calculating the nearest point from which he could reach the pulpit. No sooner did he perceive my recognition i>f him than lie leaped up on the seat and planted his fore-legs on the front edge of the gallery. Hi? was triumphantly waving his tail, ap- A1~ " " the > ̂ Jl-'ilfeads cf flfc sexton and mmI ' bfflj&'tip beyond the gal- ^ m e i p t o i n g n , g u b - beailiiHl, tumedf Ids hî L^o]! in the situation, and fti£L Finally, to my in- tedate relief, but apparently to the great regret of the juvenile element in the congregation, tba "ssistant beadle,' effecting a flank movement, seized Carlo by the tail and dragged him down the gallery stairs, to be^ndminiously driven forth among the dogs of the street." ' * ' *'External Use Only." Among the twelve thousand English* men engaged in deep-sea fishing there are many cases of fracture and contusion. Formerly nothlhg could be done for a poor fellow but to take him to London in the steamer whi6h carried the fish from the smacks to the market. For two days or more he had to be tossed about in agony before he could receive medical aid, and many a life might have been saved could the injured man liave been treated at once. An amusing "story, told in an English book, illustrates the rough-and-ready doctoring practiced by the fishermen. One rough morning Bill Jinks was passing up a box of fish from the yawl boat to the steam carrier. The box slipped, fell, struck Bill on the thigh and disabled him. Bill was put on board the steamer, and in two days was under the care of a London doctor, who gave him a large bottle, with a red label on which was printed, "For external use only." As Bill didn't know the meaning of external, the doctor explained that he must rub the contents of the bottle on the outside of his injured thigh. Bill rubbed forcibly and frequently, and in a few days was ready to return to the fleet on tjje Dogger Bank. Before returning he called on the doc­ tor, and asked for two more bottles of "that 'ere physio." "You see, sir," said he, "I thought it might be useful among our men. We're all of us a-gettin' a bit of a rap now and ag'in in our rough life, and whether the hurt kills us outright or only lames us like is all acccordm' as 'ow it 'appens." The doctor gave Bill two large bottles of liniment, red label and all, thinking that if a mistake should be made tur­ pentine wouldn't kill a hardy fisher­ man. On the'day Bill joined his smack, a poor fellow was lying ill in another ves­ sel with "brownchitis." The skipper hearing that Bill Jenks had returned with two bottles of physic, sent a crew to borrow one. "What cheer, old Bill!" shouted the crew, as they came along side of Bill's ^mack. "Ull yer let's have the loan o' a bottle o' your physic ? Ned Price is tuk awful bad of the brownchitis!" Bill passed over a bottle of liniment, and in a quarter of an hour the one large iron gravy spoon possessed by the smack was filled with the "physic, and, in spite of the red label, poured down Ned's throat. He liked it; the dose was repeated and repeated until the big bpfc- tle was empty. "He's finished that lot, skipper," said one of the crew. "Hadn't we better go and borrow that 'ere other bottle ?" "Well, no," answered the skipper. Let's see how this un works first." It worked a wonder, for before the 4ay was over the sick man was sitting Up, and the next day he was on deck. "That 'ere physic" was afterwards a part of the vessel's storage and was used for everything, external and internal.-- Exchange. parently Balancing himself for the ̂The Ugly Straw Hal. ! "When will a handsome straw^ hat" ever ber made? was the question put to a Fulton street hatter yesterday. "What shape would smt you?" said the hatter. "That i^ not the question," said the reporter. "I'm not expected to furnish designs, but to criticise them in my----" "Excuse me," said the hatter. "Straw hats are made, or have been, in almost every conceivable style and shape. If any of these shapes had suited the public they would continue in favor, but what suits one person doesn't suit another. New York is rather peculiar in respect to straw hats. In other cities there will generally be prevailing styles every season, but in New York every­ body seems to want a different kind, and it is purely a matter of luck with the hatter Whether he can strike the public fancy." • * What will be the style this sum­ mer?" "It is impossible to say, as I just ex­ plained, but a sort of derby-shaped hat with a half flat top and a nearly fiat brim will be introduced. I think it will have a go, but that is a mere guess. The trouble is that the season is so short there is no time to wfcit and see what is going to be liked, for it takes some four weeks after you give your order to get your stock in." What kind of summer hats are liked best?" "The Mackinaw straw is by all odds the best. Nobody wears a Panama hat now. They are the hottest hats you can put on. They will hold water. What made them favorites at one time was that they were expensive and durable. The Manilla hat is a favorite with some. It is light and cool and is made in any shape. There was a Manilla hat with a very broad brim worn a few years ago that was very pretty, but New Yorkers will not wear broad brims now. Then the lawn tennis hat of white felt is a favorite for traveling and for seaside hotel wear. It is better and prettier than a cap for traveling and goes just as well into the pocket. The helmet hat, which was copied from the cork helmet of India, never had much of a go here. It was too clumsy and big." "What other kinds of straw are there besides the Mackinaw?" "Oh, several. There are the English splits and the English Dunstables. Some of these are so fine that it takes as much as sixty yards of braid to make a hat. Then there are the Milan braid from Italy and the Canton braid from China, but the Mackinaw is the best."-- New jfefk Mail and Express. • , f The Smallest People. Skeletons of two Akkas, the pigmy people discovered by Schweinfurth in 1870, have been acquired by the British Museum, ahd show that this race is un­ doubtedly the most diminutive known. The stature of the male skeleton is about an inch below four feet, and that of the female about as much above. The few previous measurements re­ corded indicate that their heights are rather below the average, though a living adult female of three teet ten inches is known. Prof. Flower finds that the Akkas belong to the black or Negroid branch of the human species, and that they are not allied to the Bush- nien' or Ahdjman Isl4nd(?rs, which tribes they most resemble in aiae.--Ark&nttaw Traveler, * - ^ * 7 Gr.es la Hew Taxk. Hot corn, here's your nice hot corn I* will never be forgotten. It was carried in the cans bidding hot water ai^ «g| veiy palatable. Any citizen would testify to its being mi The sweetest corn yon ever eat ' - . h Or ever sold on Fulton street, The night watchman in old times formed a conspicuous figure in the com­ munity. According to Bowring's hymn they were supposed to possess a knowl­ edge of things transpiring at a time when all other people were asleep. Dressed in ordinary attire and wearing a broad-brimmed hat, the sound of the club on the pavement indicated nightly round. , - ; From noise of aean Area, reat vefne. From murder, / ^ From all mischances that ma/fright Thy pleasant slumbers in the night i Mercy secure ye all, and keep The goblin from ye while ye sleep. The old watch house stood at the Catharine Ferry; its bell in the cupola rang the fire alarms. The frequent breakage of articles of constant household use afforded a living to the man who carried a bundle of rat­ tans under his arm, whose voice was heard crying, "old chairs to mend." These criers, when they obtained a job, would often ask for food, thus gaining a scanty subsistence. Sometimes they raised the cry: • Old choirs to mend--old chairs to me«4, - If I had the money that I could spend, I never would cry "Old chairs to meno." The cane-bottom chair, which often (became worn through, was then in gen­ eral use. One of the pleasant sights in summer was the flower man, who, with a board of flower pots of various sizes on his head, would sing: "All in full bloom," while roses, japonicas, pinks, tulips, morning glories, etc., wafted a perfume on the air. Some of the flowers would hold birds made of wax of different colors perched upon the branches. The china man, with a loose bag con­ taining the pieces in most common use, often passed the houses, reminding those within of "chinaware to mend." The annual breakage in every house amounted to a considerable sum. The china man would replace broken covers, handles, etc., and, knowing that bright colors always pleased the eye, he would carry a kind of clay not used in ordinary manufacture. The blacking man who stood in front of the City Hall Park, was a familiar character, attracting the attention of the passing throng by some verses be­ ginning: Now, gentlemen, walk right up. this wary And hear what the Blacking Man has to say. He would relate several anecdotes in verse, one of the "jilted lover" who "wore a dirty boot," but who was finally accepted, and of the pig that, swallow­ ing a box, was "absorbed to his hide." Perhaps his most amusing anecdote, which he related in prose, was of the man who, "bidding him good-by on that spot," started for New Orleans, but, ap­ pearing again in a few days, was told it was thought he had gone to New Or­ leans, when he replied that he started, but, when just outside of Sandy Hook, the vessel was wrecked and the crew were all lost, but as lie had blacked his boots with waterproof blacking, the in­ coming tide had floated him back to the city. "And now, then, gentlemen," he would add, "who takes another box of my blacking?"--Brooklyn Eagle. - Educational Failure. Farmer Homespun, living in the western part of New York, sent his son Bill to Yale College. He hadn't heard from Bill in some time, but one day a dandified fellow called at the farm house, and said he was from Yale Col­ lege, and knew Bill. "You be one of them students at Yale College, be you?" asked the farmer. "Yaas. I claim old Yale as my alma mater. Kill told me to call in and see you while I was in your neighborhood fishing. Bill has gone to New York for a little relaxation. "Soyon know my Bill; Bill Home­ spun?" "Why certainly I know him. We are in the same boat." "How 13 Bill coming on? He hasn't writ to me in a good while, but he draws drafts pretty regular." "Bill is improving." "Is he industrious?" "He practices every day four or five hours. He pulls a pretty fair oar for a freshman. He is learning to feather his oar pretty well." "How does he get along with his pro­ fessor? Is he learning?" "He is learning fast. He was a little awkward at first, but the professor pol­ ished him every day, and Bill will be able to hold up his hands to almost any­ body. He is getting to box like a pro­ fessional." The old farmer was somewhat mysti­ fied. When he sent his son to Yale his idea was to have the young man learn to paddle his own canoe, and feather his own nest, but he had no idea that feath­ ering an oar and rowing a boat were the best means of acquiring that knowl­ edge. "How is Bill coming on with his books ?" asked the old man. "My dear sir, it is all nonsense trying to learn how to row a boat or box by studying books. There are lots of books a feller can study if he wants to, but the only way is to discard books and put on the gloves, or pick up the oars, and go at it practically." "How about his other studies? Does he pitch in and work ?" "No. It's not every feller who can play base-ball who knows how to pitch. I think Bill will be a better catcher than pitcher. He is pretty good at shortstop." The old man shook his head and murmured: "So he is good as a short stop. Well, I guess if that's all he's learnin', hell stop short sure enough." Bill's next draft went to protest, and now Bill is sitting around in the village store, and tells yarns about college life to the open-mouthed rustics.--Texan Siftings. A Plea for the Dolls. The good women who are so busy re­ forming the world have taken up the doll enormity now, and are to make public sentiment too- warm for it. Hamlet" with the prince left out would be spirited and entertaining compared with a little girl's universe that was doll-less. There is a queer little element of sacredness in the relation between the inanimate pet and the live one. that we saw amusingly and touchingly illustrated the other day. A small girl was holding her largest and most beloved doll well outside the window, and her mother protested, say­ ing, "You will drop your big dollie; why do you hold it out there so long ?" "I was showing it to God," said the baby, and the mother did not find, for the time, anything more to say. It might be as well to do away with a few other abuses, good women, before doom­ ing the doll.--Commonwmlth. in my poefcet, I made a aetour and reachiujrSTSi-heap in ««ety, lay down. For a moment tbe wind bad dropped, but presently a gentle puff of air passed over me and blew on toward the rhinoceros. By-the way, I wonder what it is that go strong about a man? Is it his body or his breath ? I have never been able to make out, but I saw somewhere the other day that in the duck deooys the man who is working the ducks holds a little piece of burning turf before his mouth, and that if he does this they cannot smell him, which looks as though it were the "breath. Well, whatever it was about me that attracted his atten­ tion, the rhinoceros soon smelt me, and within half a minute after the puff of wind had passed he was up and turning round to get his head up-wind. There he stood for a few seconds and sniffed, and then he began to move, first of all at a trot; then, as the scent grew stronger, at a furious gallop. On he came, snorting like a runaway engine, with his tail stuck straight us in the air; if he had seen me lie down there he could not have made a better line. It was rather nervous work, I can tell you, lying there waiting for his onslought, foi he looked like a mountain of flesh. I de­ termined, however, not to fire till I could plainly see his eye, for I think that rule always gives one the right distance for big game. So I rested my rifle on the ant-heap and waited for him, kneel­ ing. At last, when he was about forty yards away, I saw that the time had come, and aiming straight for the chest, I pulled. Thud went the heavy bullet, and with a tremendous snort, over rolled the rhinocerous beneath its shock, just like a shot rabbit. But if I had thought that he was done for I was mistaken^ for in another second he was up and coming at me as hard as ever, only with his head held low. I waited till he was within ten yards, in the hope that he would expose his chest, but he would do nothing of the sort. So I just had to fire at his head with the left barrel and take my chance. Well, as luck would have it, of course the animal put his horn in the way of the bullet, which cut clean through it about three inches above the root and then glanced off into space. After that things got rathei serious. My gun was empty and the rhinoceros was rapidly arriving--sc rapidly, indeed, that I came to the con­ clusion that I had better make way foi him. Accordingly I jumped to my" feet and ran to the right as hard as I could go. As I did so he arrived full tilt, knocked my friendly ant-heap flat, and for the second time that day went a most magnificent cropper. This gave me a few seconds' start and I ran down Wind--my word, I did run! Unfortun­ ately, however, my modest retreal was observed and the rhinoceros, as soon as he got his legs agaiti, set to work to run after me. Now no man on earth can run as fast as an irritated rhinoceros can gallop, and I knew that he must soon catch me up. But having -some slight experience of this sort oi thing, I luckily for myself, kept my head, and as I fled I managed to opes my rifle, get the old cartridges out and put two fresh ones in. To do this I had to steady my pace a little, and by the time that I had snapped the rifle to I heard him snorting and thundering away within a few paces of my back. J stopped, and as I did so rapidly cocked the rifle, and slewed round upon my heel. By this time the brute was within six or seven yards of me, but luckily liif head w&s up. I lifted the rifle and fired at him. It was a snap shot, but the bullet struck him in Che chest within three inches of the first and found its way into his lungs. It did not stop him, however; so all I could do was to bound to one side, which I did with surprising activity and as he brushed past me fire the other barrel into his side. That did for him. The ball passed in behind the shoulder and right through his heart. He fell ovei onto his side, gave one most awful squeal--a dozen pigs could not hav« made such a noise--and promptly died, keeping his wicked eyes wide open all the time. As for me, I blew my nose, and going up to the rhinoceros, sat on his head, and reflected that I had had a capital morning's shooting.--if. Rider Hag' gard's new story. j Trying on Ladies' Shoes. talking of trying on ladies' shoes," said a clerk in a prominent shoe stone in this city, "it is one of the most deli­ cate and arduous duties that falls to the lot of a salesman. Why, the most in­ nocent relnark may be construed into an affront and the clerk find himself called to account. Have you ever noticed that a boot and shoe man does very little talking?" "Do you mean in selling goods?" "Yes. Some years ago a clerk in a New Orleans shoe store lost his life by paying a lady a compliment about the size of her foot." "Are Detroit ladies as sensitive on the subject ?" "It requires very nice discrimination to know when to pay a lady a compli­ ment on the size of her foot. We hava some ladies come in here who possess remarkably beautiful feet, and it would be worth my place if I made any re­ mark about them. Then others--just as fastidious in all respects--will expect a little well-directed flattery, in fact, will challenge it By depreciating their feet. Then some ladies will not allow us to put their «boots on, while others will treat us exactly as if we w@i« foot­ stools or button-hooks." "Are ladies hard to please?? : "Well, I should just say 86. Their feet are so tender they want to wear a loose shoe and they always buy a tight one. Then they always try them sitting down and it is the hardest work to get them to stand up and step around. Sometimes I am nearly distracted try­ ing to get a good fit and one that will not have to be returned. But ladies are more sensible now about their shoes than they used to be. They wear the common sense and low heels, and have more comfort."--Detroit Free Press. A, Matter of Policy. Mr. Cross, the famous animal painter, says that when he was a boy he once witnessed a fight between two dogs, one of which belonged to an Irishman who was ti retired prize-fighter. The Irish­ man's dog was badly whipped and the fact was a source of deep chagrin to the owner. He was very jealous of his dog's record, but as only he and Cross had seen the tight, he asked Cross, in a decidedly significant way, which of the dogs whipped. "Why," said Cross, "your dog whipped, of course. He was underneath the other dog, but he was chewing the life out of the cur all the time." "That's roight," returned the Irish­ man, "you have saved your hfe."-- Arkqnsaw Traveler. < > r.;-: THE time a man mqpt needs a WI* tion is Just alter he returns from one.-- ^ Hotel Matt. A RAT of light travel* lj,100,0p0 miles in a minute, and is Bft ifla^on to tbe messenger boy,--Yontcers States­ man. A KANSAS court convicted a man «i peeking into the chamber window at a newly married couple. In China they might convict a whole city of Pekin.--• Texas Siftings. MANKIND, says an observing philoajr pher, ia divided into two great classed: those who want to get into the papers and those who are only anxious to be kept out.--Texas Siftings. THE Bishop of London has risen to be a wit. ^ As he was taking leave of a parishioner with a large family the lady said: "But you haven't seen my last baby." "No," he quickly replied, "and I never expect tor "SAY, mister, your dog bit me." "The deuce he did?" "Yes, and I want to know what you are going to da about ° about it? Oh, never mind. I" PTe the dog an emetic and he'll get over it ."--Areola Record. A COMBINATION hard to beat is the colored brother, watermelon, MMI Fourth of July. They blend in beauti­ ful harmony, with the brother on the outside at the close of the day.--Xa Grange {Ga.) Reporter. K "ABE you engaged," inquired a pert young lady, stepping briskly up to a Bar Harbor buckboard driver, who was lounging indolently across the front seat. "Lord, no! Are you?" was the prompt reply.--Lewiston Journal. OUR friends have departed to spend the summer by the seaside. We hare gone as far as our means would allow, and rented a cabin in front of Billy Wells' millpond. Cheapness with cheerfulness is great gain.--Smithville (Ga.) News. . • BASTUS (a late acquisition from the cornfield, on presenting a visiting-card to his mistress)--Mum, there's two of 'em waiting at the door. Mistress-- Why on earth don't you invite them in ? Bastus --• Sartinly, mum, you didn't want two to come in on one ticket, did you? MISTBESS (to oook) -- Your name, Mary, and my daughter's being the same makes matters somewhat confus­ ing. Now how do you like, say, the name of Bridget ? Cook--Shure, mum, an' it's not mesilf that's particular. Oim willun to call the young leddy ony thin' yez loike. A cow in Texas has eighteen horns. Strange as it may seem, this is consid­ ered more singular in a cow ol that re­ gion than of several eitizens. Lots of Texas men have been known to have as many as twenty-five or thirty horns and go right along in search of more.--Ar- * kansaw Traveler. "IT is a curious thing in public life," said Wiggins, as he laid his newspaper on the table, "that a windy, loud­ mouthed impostor often succeeds, while f;, men of great merit are passed over." > "Not at all," replied Bobley, "it's tbe most natural thing in the world to put the blower before the grate." THE mistress was reproving the serv­ ant for "nicking" the dishes. "There's a nick out of that blue preserve dish," she said. "It was there wvhin I come," apologized the girl. "No, this is a new nick," said the mistress. "'Deed thin, ma'am, if you'll look ye'll see that it'a the same ould Nick that's in it." HUSBAND (out of humor)--Well} I never saw a tooth-brush wear out like this one--only had it a week, and here the bristles are all gone, and it tastes like the dickens; I wish you'd take bet­ ter care of my things. Young and in­ experienced wife (pouting)--I do, and I'm sure I cleaned it thoroughly after polishing the silver with it. I dicT my best, and you shouldn't complaiu.. Breakers of Sad News. It is said that some of the chief rail­ roads in the country employ special ^ persons to inform the bereaved family when an employe has been killed. Con­ sidering that every year a small army of men meet their death on the track the statement is not incredible. An old railroad man at Beading who has discharged this painful office gives the following among other experience: "It was only a few days ago that I went to a home and found the wife chat­ ting and laughing with a neighbor's wife while she was at work among her rose bushes and flowers. She hadn't been married long. I first asked whether her husband was at home. She stared at me, became white ap a piece of chalk, then shrieked and fell among the plants. 1 helped to carry her in the house. ' " 'He's dead; my husband is dead. £ < know he has been killed.' " 'Who told you?' I asked, wl^en s|$* revived. " 'No one. I only thought so. Is it true?' "It was easy then to finish my errand* "I once called on a woman to tell her her husband had been killed by strik­ ing against an over-head bridge. Thia was three years ago, near Philadelphia.- The wife curled up her lip and replied: " 'If he's been killed, Heaven has re­ venged me. He abused me long enough. Hell abuse no more women now.' "That was the easiest job in my line I ever had. Five minutes later the wo­ man was in hysterics and tears. ', Jo* - ton Post.. i ; t7i^ , K ^ + *4 A Convenient Bretben ' '• &" It is a serious offense for a German to appear in public except in uniform, even when he is on a furlough. He must always wear his uniform. A cer­ tain Lieut. Schmidt, who was en­ gaged in some adventure or other, dressed up as a civilian, was having a fine time of it, when on turning a corner he unexpectedly met his Colonel. Lieut. Schmidt, however, did not lose his presence of mind. He pre­ tended that he had never seen his Colonel before, and in a changed voice asked: "Can you tell, me, sir, where Lieut. Schmidt lives? I am his brother from' the country, and am paying him a little visit." . The Colonel gave the desired inform'* ation and Lieut. Schmidt hurried home, and got into his uniform as soon as pos­ sible. He thought he had deceived his> superior officer, but next day when he s ^ met his Colonel the latter said: "Lieut. Schmidt, if your brother from ^ « the coxmtry pays you another visit, lib have him placed in close confinement' for thirty days."--Siftings. A FOOLISH philosopher inquires, "Will the coming man use both hands*?* ' He will, dear brother, he will, but not to drive with. He will drive with one; as usual, unless he is - TJUNFT b* I may have to use both. r i' " i-i-j ' [ i im , < '&rh*<v fa' X'tvot-J. 't fF ' i ff » **4^1! •' %: j, » j, - * " J! / fi »