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% K - i'-, Si J: I 1 Bl*ti .fta JfiuBata Vfc» JKnyB* Inclined to Burrfm Tbmr CfcOMraa «Mi Awkward Mmbm. [Atlantic Monthly.] Wri*era spend nmcli time and thought in selecting a name for a play or novel, ; for they know that success is largely de­ pendent on it. = Parents, however, are strangely care- • less and unscientific in giving names to - children. In the Harvard and Yale cat- l alogues of last year I find two or three really good combinations. Usually, • when a new-comer arrives, some old family name is taken; or, if the parents exercise an original choice they are too i much excited to be guided by any sound ; euphonic principles. They forget that not only from the i social point of view it is very advan- ; tageous to have one's name remembered, but that from the business point of view ; notoriety is capital and must be ob­ tained by persistent and ingenious ad­ vertising. But if a certain amount of j notoriety could be obtained for John , Smith by an expenditure of time, money, •; and ingenuity represented by x, and spread over a period of three years, it is safe to say the same amount could be obtained for Hans Arrowsmith by x-4in 18 months. Nor is the saving of time ; and money on the part of the knocrer at the gate of notoriety the only thing to be considered, for, from the altruis­ tic point, of view, the lessening of the effort of recollection on the part of the world is far more important. The economy of the public stotilc of energy wasted in innumerable uncon­ scious efforts to remember a name with­ out any corners for the memory to grasp, but persistently thrust before it, would result in an increase of an avail­ able mental force applicable to settling the question of future probation, or to raising the ethical standard, or to re­ forming the tariff, or to disposing of the surplus. The importance of the sub­ ject leads me to suggest one or two of the chief fundamental principles of the science of naming children. The sys­ tem is simple, and any provident parent can easily master and apply it. 1. Avoid odd, or eccentric, or poetic combinations, and be guided by eupho­ nic qualify only. It is true that an odd name may be remembered, but the asso­ ciations with it will not be pleasing. • The idea of oddity or affectation may attach to the shadowy personality built ; up in the mind of the public. Under ' this rule hyphenated names, especially hyphenated Christian names, like Floyd-Jones Robinson, are to be avoided. Writing the first given name with an initial and the second in full is also evidently opposed to correct scien­ tific principles. 2. The best form of a name is a dactyl and a spondee, like fc Jeremy Tay- ; lor." Everyone lias heard of the "Shakspere of divines" and has a dim idea of an agreeable personality attached to the name. Had his name been ! Charles Taylor it is far within bounds to say that his reputation would be s about one-third of what it is now. 3. If the surname is not one that can | "be treated according to the above rule it should be fitted with a given name < such as to bring the combination as 'nearly as possible to the above length • and cadence, as Sydney Dobell, Ellery Vane, Henry Ward Beeclier, Dante Rossetti, Theodore Watts, and the like; or, otherwise, to two long syllables like Mark Twain or Brete Harte. The sub­ divisions of this branch of the subject are too numerous to be given, but all ; rest on principle No. 2. The phonic value of the surname is, under our cust- tcm, the controlling element in prac- tically applying the science of names. The great value of names beginning with Mac or O is evident, because they so readily combine w ith the ordinary ! Christian names. Any one would be favorably disposed to Arthur O'Connor, for instance. A bov pervades our quiet neighborhood simply because his name is Johnny MacWhorter. He is not in any respect a remarkable boy, but his name forces him into prominence by its phonic value. There are some ten or twelve Iwiys who are comrades, but he and another dactyl-spondee boy, Emory Watson, are the only ones ever spoken of. No doubt there are others who do as much mischief and make more noise, but these two reap all the fame. Frank R. Stockton's Account af His Dog, "Fax." "One Sunday, as with a well-dressed crowd I was going to church, I found Fax following me. Knowing that he never entered a church, I took no par­ ticular notice of him; but happening to look back a second time, I saw him at my heels with a twist-loaf in his mouth! He had been in the shop of an irre­ ligious baker in those few minutes. This was too much for my sense of pro­ priety, and as I failed utterly to drive him off, and began to attract consider­ able attention, I was obliged to go down a side-street and so home. That dog was never abashed. I hiive seen him chase chickens in the very houses of their owners, and, before their aston­ ished eyes, pin the poor fowls to the floor. Of course, at such times, I did not wi 'li any one to think that I was acquainted wifch the dog. But on be ing discovered in 'any disreputable in­ trusion into house, store, or garden, it was his habit to run to u i, and jog along demurely behind us, as much as to say, 'These are the folks I belong to; if you have anything t:> eay, say it to them.' And very often people did pay it to us."--From "Dogs of Noted Americans," b'y Gertrude Van It. Wick ham, in St. Nicholas. Think of Others. Many good people who inveigh against the world are, in an unconscious way, quite as culpable as their neighbors. The truth is that people in general are so wrapped up in themselves that they do not even think of the inconvenience or annoyance they may be causing to others by their thoughtless rudeness, The true gentlemen and ladies are those who have acquired the uncon­ scious habit of preferring, iu the thousand little things that make up social life, others to themselves. Let this principle be applied to a few com­ mon offenses against good manners. Some people habitually go to church late, or leave a concert-room before the program is completed, and while some one is actually - playing or singing. They discompose not only the minister or the artists, but every one in their im­ mediate neighborhood. Why do they do this ? It is simply an exhibition of unconscious selfishness. They do not think it worth while to hurry themselves in order to reach church a few minutes earlier, and in order to f«ve themselves a little inconvenience in leaving with the rest of the audience, they depart a few minutes sooner. This is all that enters their heads; not for one moment do they consider that the little trouble they save themselves is a hundred times counterbalanced by the annoyance wlMohart. CAuniag.•.. Xiaoy donot-j • f -- b e c a u s e they are not in the habit of thinking, except of their own interest. But the very essence of the courtesy that characterizes the true lady'or gen­ tleman is this habit of thinking. The reason why so many people slam doors, or leavq them open; why "gentlemen" fmff tobacco smoke into the faces of adies they are accompanying, or whom they may be passing; why people in church do not check the chorus of coughing that breaks out immediately the sermon commences, and a hundred other familiar instances, is precisely the same unconscious selfishness. Thought­ lessness, where the feelings of others are ooncerned, is selfishness, and self­ ishness is the congenial soil of bad man­ ners.--Farm and Fireside. Somnambulism. Somnambulism, in its simplest form, is seen when persons talk in their sleep. They are plainly asleep and dreaming; yet the connection, ordinarily broken, between the physical organs and the images passing through the mind is re­ tained or resumed, in whole or in part. It is very common for children to talk more or less in their sleep; also many .persons who do not usually do so are liable to mutter if they have over-eaten, or are feverish or otherwise ill. Slight movements are very frequent. Many who do not fancy that they have ever exhibited the germs of somnambulism groan, cry out, whisper, move the hand, or foot, or head, plainly in connection with ideas passing through the mind. From these incipient manifestations of no importance somnambulism reaches frightful intensity ahd almost incon­ ceivable complications. Somnambulists in this country have recently perpetrated murders, have even killed their own children; they have carried furniture out of houses, wound up clocks, ignited conflagrations. A carpenter not long since arose in the night, went into his shop, and began to file a saw; but the noise of the opera­ tion awoke him. The extraordinary feats of somnambulists in ascending to the roofs of houses, threading danger­ ous places, and doing many other things which they could not have done while awake have often been described, and in mauy cases made the subject of close investigation. Formerly it was believed by many that if they were not awakened they would in process of time return to their beds, and that there would not be any danger of serious accident happen­ ing to them. This has long been proved false. Many have fallen out of windows and been lulled; and though some have skirted the brink of danger safely, the number of accidents to sleeping persons is great. Essays have been written by somnam­ bulists. A young lady, troubled and anxious about a prize for which she was to compete, involving the writing of an essay, arose from her bed in sleep and wrote a paper upon a subject upon which she had not intended to write when awake; and this essay secured for her the prize. The same person, later in life, while asleep selected an obnox­ ious paper from among several docu­ ments, put it iu a cup, and set fire to it. She was entirely unaware of the trans­ action in the morning. Intellectual work has sometimes been done in ordinary dreams not attended by somnambulism. The composition of the "Kubla Khan" by Coleridge while asleep and of the "Devil's Sonata," by Tartini, are paralleled in a small way frequently. Public speakers often dream out discourses; and there is a clergyman now residing in the western part of New York State who, many years ago, dreamed that he preached a powerful sermon upon a certain topic, and delivered that identical discourse the following Sunday with great effect. But such compositions are not somnam­ bulistic unless accompanied by some outward action at the time.--The Cen­ tury. Knocked Oat by a Fly. In the course of dissertation on flies the "Topical Talker" of the Pittsburgh Dispatch says that only one romantic story, as yet has come to him in which a fly played a principal and disastrously tragic part. It was dusk. The porch was nearly dark, but a red sunset was treating the hills and the lakes to a sanguinary bath. On the whole, the atmosphere was romantic. The evening cry of a few robins was loud enough to drown the paltry parodies of the cat-bird, and thera were cushions on the porch seats. Archibald and Lucetta were alone after a long spell in the madding crowd. Three is a crowd, and an aunt with good eyes and ears is sufficiently maddening, it will be admitted. She said nothing. His remarks were to the same effect. But his arm eloquently folded around her waist. He was about to end a courtship of six weeks and a frightful bill for caramels by imprinting a kiss upon Luoetta's virgin lips, when a His aunt approached, think you? No, sir, or madam. Far worse--a fly settled on the hand which had gone on a grand mission around Lucetta's waist. That fly must have had an extra pair of legs, or was wearing new shoes, or for other reasons was unusually irritating. Archibald could not withdraw the hand; the fly would not retire, but crawled al>out dreamily. For two minutes Archibald struggled manfully against his desire to anathematize that fly. But it was no use. He merely said one word--a peace­ ful word, to be found in the dictionary and in polite prints sometimes. It rhymed with jam. But it rhymed with nothing that was sweet just then. Lucetta arose in her stately dignity and pretty white gown, which she knew was most becoming, and retired. Archibald was knocked out in one round bv a house flv. An Effective Sermon. Dr. Payson of Portland, Me., used to tell this good story: One rainy Sun­ day he went to his church as usual, but no one appeared except an old negro, who came in and asked if Dr. Payson was to preach. The Doctor said "Yes," and went into the pulpit and preached to the choir and the old negro. Some months afterward he met the negro and asked him if he enjoyed that sermon. "Enjoy dat sermon?" replied the old man. "I'clar, Doctor, I nebber heerd a better one. Yo' see I had a seat pretty well up front, an' whenebber vo'd say somethin' pretty hard like 'gin de sins ob men, I'd jess look all roun' ter see who yo's a hitting, and I wouldn't see nobody on'y jess me. An' I says to m'self, he must mean you, Pomp, you's sech a dretful sinner. Well, Doctor, dat ar sermon set me a thinkin' what a big sinner I war an' I jined de church down home. I'se a deacon now." THE chief minerals of the mica have been artificially reproduced by Dealt**. A MBwMftta l&MtiBce. It was in a West Side parlor. All Sun­ day afternoon he had remained close by her side, and as the gloaming began to gloam, and the sun sank from sight over the glue factory iu Wauwatosa, her mamma appeared .upon the scene and asked thiff he remain to tea. Did he remain? Well some! Many slices of cold tongue slid down the interior of his gracefully curved neck, and ere many minutes he was filled with a sample of everything that the table afforded, and his hunger had disappeared, while the food of which he had partaken had stimulated and given him strength to again take up his position in the parlor for an all night sitting. It waxed darker and yet darker, while the flick­ ering street lamps began to flick and ever and anon the tingle of a passing street car would make sweet music. As the evening wore on apace, the happy young things snuck by couples to the parlor, and again took up their po­ sition on the sofa, leaving the indulgent mamma to dream away her evening alone. In the far-off chnrch tower a bell slowly tolls the. hour of ten, but still they sit side by side, occasionally talking in low whispers, which sound like the sighing of an evening breeze through the closely woven branches of a hedge fence, but more often sitting in blissful silence and dreaming of the future. Little do they know, children as they ai'e, what the near future has- in store for them, and how could they ? When we are happiest and the world seems brightest, misfortune is liable to be lurking in our vicinity, and only waiting for that happiness to reach the very pinnacle, even to slopping over, before making itself known in all its hideousness. Again and again the bell slowly tolls. Hour after hour passes; yet they linger. On the street all is hushed. The good mother has long since retired to her room, done up her bang, put her false teeth to soak in a tumbler, said her prayers and gone to" sleep. In the dis­ tance the uncertain step of a belated pedestrian echoes faintly upon the night air. A cricket 'neath the parlor window chirps a. few short notes, and quiet again prevails. It is that hush that always comes just before tho birth of a new day. Still they linger. Hush! My God, what was that?--W-h-r-r, rattle bang! He starts. Strong man, and firmly sot as he is, he springs to his feet and glances about in a wild, uncer­ tain kind of way. "Wh-wh-what was that fearful racket, Gertrude?" he gasped, as he tried to find his way to the sofa in the dark, and sat down on the key-boavd of the piano, "S--h, dearest, don't be alarmed. It was only the cook's alarm clock." But here another noise smote upon their ears. A door was heard to open on the next floor, and presently a still, small voice came echoing down like the wheeze of a sick horse. It was mamma minus her false teeth: "Gertrude Bjones!" "Y-e-s, mamma, dear." ' " Well, fur Ian* sakes, karat you In bed yit?" '"Not yet, mamma.? " Well, you march! Yere it is four o'clock an' you not in bed yit. Why it's scandelous. There's the cook goin' down now to commence her Monday's washing an' them clothes thet you've got on lies got ter go inter the waf.h. You jest show that voting man politely out, and git ter bed in a hurry." A door slammed and agaia all wa% quiet. Once more they squz in a passionate embrace, their lips met like the coup­ ling of a brace of flat cars, a struggle ensued, she had one of her front teeth nearly pushed through her lip, and the next moment he was gone. Thtis they were obliged to part. Two young hearts were rent in twain and they would not meet again for hours, per­ haps for days, but such is life--on the West Side.--Peck's Sun. IN THE EDITOEIAL SANCTUft The Fourteen Mistakes of Life, Somebody has condensed the mistakes of life, and arrived at the conclusion that there are fourteen of them. Most people would say, if they told the truth, that there was no limit to the mistakes of life; that they were like the drops in the ocean or the sands on the shore in number, but it is well * to be accurate. Here, then, are fourteen great mistakes: It is a great mistake to set up our own standard of right and wrong, and judge people accordindly; to measure the en­ joyment of others by our own; to expect uniformity of opinion in this world; to look for judgement and experience iu youth; to endeavor to mold all disposi­ tions alike, not to yield to immaterial tri$es; to look for perfection in our actions; to worry ourselves and other with what cannot be remedied; not to alleviate all that needs alleviation as far as lies in our power; not to make allowances for the infirmities of others; to consider everything impossible that we cannot perform; to l»elieve only what our finite minds can grasp; to ex­ pect to be able to understand every­ thing. The greatest of mistakes is to live for time alone, which any moment may launcli us into eternity.-- Wives aiul Daughters. High Explosive Compounds. Le Genie Civil gives the following useful information as to the ingredients of high explosive compounds: Dynamite--Seventy-five per cent, ni- tro-glvcerine, 22 per cent. Ixme-dust. Dualine--Eighty per cent, nitro-gly- cerine, 20 per cent, nitro-cellulose. Rendrock -- Forty per cent, nitro­ glycerine, 40 per cent, nitrate of soda or potask, 13 per eent. cellulose, and 7 per cent, paraffine. Giant Powder--Thirty per cent, nitro­ glycerine, 48 per cent, nitrate of soda, 8 per cent, of sulphur, and 8 per cent, charcoal. Vulcan Powder--Thirty-five percent, nitroglycerine, 48 per cent, nitrate of soda, 7 per cent, sulphur, 10 per cent, charcoal. Electric Powder--Thirty-three per cent, nitro-glycerine. The balance is a secret. Rnskin to a Literary Lass. Here is a wise little letter winch was once written by Mr. Buskin to a young lady who had literary aspirations: "DEAR MISS STRONG:--YOU ma? do things out of vour head purely to amuso yourself --but always look upon them as one uf the eomplct'-st" ways of \va«tinp time. "Notions '-an Lm sturkor nuusenso than the idea of practice being: needed for inven­ tion. All practice dustrovs invention by substituting habit for it. Invention comes ot materials first and heart and intellect afterward. "Be sure you have got. or get. a head be­ fore you think 6L drawing 'out of it.' Most truly yours. . J. RUSKIN," I HAVE seldom seen much ostentation and much learning met together. The sun, rising and declining, makes long shadows; and at mid-dav, when he is highest, none at all.--Hall. BE fit for more than the thing you • -*» < *<4 ' - >l < ,• -V > PACLIYINT an AIUMMi Hnrt-Rrokw DMBNI [Chicago Tribune.! " "Are you the gentleman that answers the questions sent to this paper?" The voice was filled with music, and as the bent and gray philosopher who" officiates as encyclopedia for the institu­ tion looked up, his eyes were bliuded. A flash of golden hair I A bewildering sea of blue eyas! A passionate struggle between the red and white roses. "I am the gentleman," he said, won­ dering what such superlative loveliness could want with him. "May I--ask you--a question?" in­ quired the voice, as the beautiful head bowed and the long lashes swept the flowers on her cheek and lay as lightly as the dew across the moist lips. "Certainly--anything. Can I do any­ thing for you ?" "It is about Frank--mv Frank," she faltered. "I want to ask you about him. Oh! why does he treat me so?" and the sweet face was turned upward toward tho staggering philosopher, wet •with tears, and imploring consolation. "Is it--is it a matter of ice-cream, or oysters, or something of that sort ?" "No, no! on, no! I have plenty of those, but why does he let me pine?" "Something about theaters? Concert business? Bouquets the matter?" asked the philosopher, ending his interroga­ tions with some respectful French. 84Not' rng, nothing of that kind," mur­ mured the red, quivering lips, "Why am I so desolate ?" and the sobs racked the glorious frame. "Something about presents? Makes you walk? Won't hire a cab? Won't go to chnrch ? Another girl ? Plays pool for drinks? Something of that sort?" "How strangely you mistake him! How cruelly vou wrong him!" and the sweet eyes looked tender reproach. "You don't know Frank, or you wouldn't say so. What I want to ask is--is--oh! why am I so wretched ?" and the tears rained down her face. "Maybe he's growing a beard?" said the encyclopedia tenderly. "Perhaps he parts his hair in the middle? Possibly he belongs to a base-ball club; is that it?" "No, he don't, none of them," flashed the angel. "If he did I wouldn't care. You sha'n't abuse him. I came here to ask why--why--oh! why am I so ut­ terly hopeless?" "Possibly he gets drunk," suggested the philosopher. "Or his pants may bag at the knees. Does he brush his best hat the wrong way ? Is his mus­ tache too long on one side ?" "Oh! cruel, cruel," said the maid, sinking into a chair. "You are unjust to him. "You don't know how grand, how manly he is." "What is the matter with him then?", jerked out the philosopher. "How has he made you miserable ? What has he done? ^'hat do you want of me?" "I want to know--why--ho gets up-- after every act--and goes--out of the theater? I know--he's got--another girl--and he goes--to see--her." "My dear," said the philosopher sol­ emnly, raising her up and putting his arm around her waist* "my dear, you are mistaken. I have known Frank for years, and he has no love for any one but you. Let me tell you something: Frank is fond of fresh air, and he goes out to get a mouthful. Trust me, that is all," "If I could only believe that,* she murmured, doubtingly. "On my honor." "Then I am liappy. If that is all I am content, but I thought some designing girl had attracted him." The red roses hail •come book, and the sapphire flash to the eyes, and she went out a grand crust of lovely color, fragrance, and rare beauty. And the philosopher turned to the question, "What was Eve's maiden name?" Poor Mr. Punch. Mr. Quekett, a London clergyman who did an incalculable amount of good among the city poor, once adopted an ingenious device for the reformation of certain naughty children belonging to his school. He had found out that they were in the habit of keeping back some of the pence given them at home for their tuition, and one day when he gave them an entertainment in his gar­ den, arranged a lecture by "Punch and Judy." Taking aside the man who con­ ducted the performance, he gave him the names of the culprits, and asked him to give them a severe lesson. The per­ formance took place in the usual man­ ner, but at the close Mr. Punch said: "Now, there are a few young boys I want to speak to. I want James Brown!" "James Brown, Punch wants you!" shouted the crowd, and at last lie was brought up, and made to stand before Mr. Pinch. "Put him here," cried Punch, with a wave of his pole. "Now fetch Thomas Stringer." Thus were summoned the twelve boys who had been guilty of keeping' back school pence. Mr. Punch then made the following speech, while the poor little fellows trembled in every limb: "My dear bovs, you belong to a partv of children who keep back the pennies your mothers give you to pay for being taught at school. Now, James Brown, I know your father and mother. Sup­ pose I tell them of the serious position you are in!" So the lecture went on, and the twelve little thieves were so wrought upon, that their bad habit was cured. But Punch, the reformer, wat not so fortu­ nate. A few days afterward he chanced to meet Mr. Quekett, and said, "Ah, sir, it was a very bad day's work I did, coming into your garden. I can't get an audi­ ence to listen to me down in this part. As soon as they see me, the children cry out, 'Come away! Come away! he's got the Punch that knows all about us,' and the consequence is £ can get no custom." * So it seems that some devices are too clever to be practicable.--Exchange. A Distinction with a Difference. "Some sneaking assassin," says the editor of a Kansas weekly, "played a trick upon us Tuesday night such as could only be devised by a sneak having all the satanic qualities of Judas Lsca- riot. After we had locked up our sanctum and gone home this fiend in­ carnate emptied a wheelbarrow load ot whisky bottles before our door, trying to leave the impression €hat ye • editor had been on a round-up. The villain was foiled in this, however, for several of our best citizens are willing to affirm that we were quite sober on Tuesday night. We have not been drunk since we went to Kansas City three weeks ago, which fact we can easily prove." THERE are many more shining qual­ ities in-the mind of man, but there is i : * Wallows. B. F. Johnson, of Champaign, HI., in a ooaMnunication to the Country Gentleman, writes: It has been my experience, as it has been of hundreds of others, that frequently in a field-- usually on the margin of what was once a slough, affording water in all but very dry seasons, or on the edge of a pond common to the prairie country --we come across patches of land from three to ten rods square where the soil was quite different in color and texture from that on all sides. Though, when first broken, the prairio sod over these patches was not observed to bear a dif­ ferent kind of vegetation, still when cultivated they refused to yield a crop of either corn, small grain, or vegeta­ bles. However, when heavily manured, they have been brought up to the aver­ age fertility of the soil surrounding, I now recognize that these barren spots were originally buffalo wallows--the fact having been revealed to me within a week, after puzzling over it for a gen­ eration. Before 1806--when the phe­ nomenal snow-storm of December of that year nearly annihilated them--buf­ falo, elk, deer, and antelope fairlv swarmed in May and June over this the middle portion of the grand prairie of Hlinois. The spots chosen for wallows were no doubt origiually licks or springs, the waters of which were more or less charged with salts of soda, iron, and sulphur; In such spots the buf­ falo drank to satisfy his thirst both for water and mineral tonics; and here he rolled to cool off in the heat of sum­ mer, and at the same time to protect himself with mud enough to save his hide from the lances of the green-head flies that were as thick as bees in the tall grass. These wallows were no doubt returned to every summer, and in course of time--centuries more or less -- the repeated wallowing so changed the nature of the soil, so mixed and mingled it with blue-clay subsoil, so impregnated it with the salts of sulphur and iron, that the ele­ ments of plant food were eliminated and substances injurious to vegetation took their place. These barren spots in the prairies have been known to farmers and cultivators ever since the settlement of the country, but the se­ cret of their origin never seems to have been discovered, or, if told, never re­ peated so as to become common prop­ erty. How to Help Your Digestion. Almost every day we feel the unpleas­ ant sensations of indigestion. Try ALL- COCK'S POBOUS PLASTERS, and be relieved. J. F. Davenport, of Canarsie, New York, writes: I have been very much troubled with a violent pain below my chest bone. I was told by several physicians that it was rheumatism of the diaphragm. It resulted from cold and exposure. I had very little appetite, and digested my food with great difficulty. I placed one ALIJCOCK'S POROUS PLASTER below the breast bone and two on each side. In the course of twenty-four hours all pain ceased, and I was able to eat and digest a good square meal, something I had not done before in two weeks. I got better constantly, aiyl at the end of seven days found myself entirely well. 8ince then I have used ALLCOCK'S POROUS PLASTERS for colds, coughs, and pains in my side, and I hare always found them quick and effective. Harvard's Intellectual Life. About six million dollars of endow­ ment are now happilv invested. Sev­ eral million dollars' worth of grand buildings, with all that man could ask for in the way of libraries, apparatus, etc., are thronged with students. And there is something here a good deal better yet. It takes more than money to make a college--that is, a college of the future. Wisdom cannot be bought. Experience costs time and tears'. And the best thing about Old Harvard is that she has passed her childhood. Sectarian colleges, and probably all others, have their squabbling age, an age of hair-pulling and scratching, an age of petty jealousies, rivalries, and quarrels. If any man doubts that, let him come here and read the story of Fair Harvard's Childhood. It took two hundred years to get over it. It makes a pitiable record, this story of the jealous squabbling of these Puritan Popes who wanted to be president, or wanted a professorship for self or son; or wanted a certain policy pursued, a course of study introduced, or a certain theology banned or coddled here. The experience of two hundred and fifty years has so bettered all this that affairs here move now with an amazing absence of friction. Personal relations are charmingly free from constraint. Plans are so enlarged that we can have all courses of study that anybody de­ sires. The theologies are welcome, one and all; and no church or sex is "boss," and religion actually exists in some of them.--Henry C. Badger, in the American Magazine. The Trials of a Drummer. The country storekeeper carefully examined the samples of cloth while the drummer patientlv waited. A cus­ tomer came, the storekeeper waited on him, then went back to examine the samples, to pull out and untwist the threads. Another customer, and more examination; still another customer, and as the storekeeper began again he said: "Are these samples in style?" "They were," replied the discouraged drummer, "when you began to look at them, but that was so long ago that I can't answer for them now."--Detroit Free Press. • Moxle has created tho greatest excite­ ment as a beverage, in two rears. ever wit­ nessed. from the fact that it brings nervous, exhausted, overworked women to good pow­ ers of endurance in a few days; cures the appetite for liquors and tobacco at once, and has recovered a large number of eases of old, helpless paralysis as a food onif. How TO get even with some men--pay them what you owe them. For* Lumbago. PRESH, STRONG EVIDENCE. Vmpt hrt Bjson, 111., Kay U. WW. lut fatlM til talua wit* Iuh mk raf-am •«•«»; «x am fcy st ;wi» ou *»d tow M M Mm at ]»ia. JACK aiLLMFIB. tunr, IU.. Mar **•1,M i nftni wi«Js ?•<» la feMk >Wit 10 msmtk* M which lasted tv* I «H c&rtA by St. JftMba 011, aad than kaa feaaa a* ntara of pela. WILLIAM STEXBILTZ. F«rfnanent. r»t«u. Mieh , May II, II". Abnl tka tprla« i( »T wai ttkn with a«M I Uh sad bask; waa nnd »r *• kot" - Oil aad kM naataad wmaaaat 0. CBKU. rCMTXLL. idpaiai > at M. J OTar alaca. AT DatroaiSTS AJTD D&ALHS. INS CHARLES A. V0GELER CO.. Balthsw. Diamond Vera -Cura FOR DY8PEPSIA. ASS ALL STOMACH TBOUBLW (VCS At: tndicaatlaa, Inr lMaut. •aartbara, *»*«•», OaaatlsaUaa. Tollaaaa aflar taUac. *lala» la tfca ICaath aaA dlaAcreaabla taata aflar aM- laf. Ktrroaaaaia aa4 Law-»»lrita. At DruafitU and Dea'trt or tent by «wU on r£ cfiltt ofZict*. (5 bojtet ft .00) in tlautjf. 8atn)d* lent an receipt r/2-xtnl Stamp. THE CH/MILTL A VBCF1 Ftt ri * _ » CO- ** wtofc C»Mfci I It la by no imams anoMtata. tat, on theeao* trary, a wall iintiliill feet, that «jxm tba irtU befog a*D'i •tohaach dapMtda tfart aofl. cam of happiness which la vouch--fed to Mai la thla world. Dyspepsia, the toe of ail others t» tkm •tomaeh's tranquillity, and moat to be dreaded, ia a complaint to the preliminary xalUtf and eventual cure of which Hoatettefi Stomach Bit­ ters is especially adapted. It enables those who use it with a reasonable degree of persistence to eat with relish, because it Imparts a healthful appetite; to digest with ease, because It Strength­ ens the stomach; aud to assimilate the food which IS eaten and digested, thus benefiting health, promoting flesh and sustaining the exer­ cise ot the physical and mental faculties. It, inorever, facilitates the secretion ot healthy bile, actuates without discomfort the habit of the bodv, and tends, when taken npon retiring, to produce healthy slumber. Malaria is conquered by it. The Countryman Got There. In Providence, the other day, they were setting some tall poles for the telephone wires--seventy-footers. A countryman came along and asked the foreman what his men were doing. Now, the foreman of that particular gang is a mild-mannered citizen, and means to be patient and forbearing, but he is worried a good deal with questions, and gets tired of answering them. In this particular case he told the countryman that he was building a wire fence. "Is that so ?n said the farmer, looking aloft, and then added: "'Well, I guess you've got it bull high, but I don't be­ lieve you can make it pig tight." That foreman has been shy of Rhode Island farmers ever since.--Boston Herald. Quicker than ant Known rsanedy and is the only Pahi remedy that 1 most excrui latifMT pains, allaM ii r will Afford hMtsai Vs* 'In the Country. "I hate to make a complaint, Mr. Smith, but that lawn mower of yours is a terrible nuisance." "Lawn mover! I haven't got any lawn mower." "Haven't got any lawn mower? Well, that's good! As though I hadn't heard it night and morning ever since I moved here. There! there goes the confounded thing again." "But, mv dear sir, that isn't a lawn mower, that's my son winding up his Waterbury."--Boston Transcript. THREE MORE HARVEST EXCUR­ SIONS At Half-Van ttates to Points Wast, North­ west, and Southwest from Chicago. Only three more chances at extraordinarily low rates to see the wonderful country, and crops of the Grout West during the Harvest Season ot 1888. Improve the opportunity afforded by tho Great Rock Island Route, which offers (in addition to round-trip half- fare tickets) the inducements of a delight­ ful journey in its famous palace cars. Dates of Excursions -- Leave Chicago Tuesday, September 25, Tuesday. October 9. and Tuesday, October 28, 1888, for points in Kansas. Nebraska, Northwestern Iowa, Minnesota, and Dakota. The Rate--One Fare for the Round Trip. Tickets llrst class and good thirty days for return passage. Be sure your tickets read via tho Great Rock Island Route, which en­ joys the superior advantage of Operating Its Own Lines to principal points in the above-named States. For rates tb any special locality or addi­ tional information, address E. A. Holbrook General Tickot and Passenger Agent, Chi­ cago, 111. Cheap-Rate Excursions to "Old Vir­ ginia." Only $15. Chicago to Richmond and re­ turn. via $Ionon Route. Three Grand Ex­ cursions to the Virginia Exposition. The Virginia Agricultural. Mechunical and To­ bacco Exposition will be held at Richmond. Va., October 3 to November 1. 1888. and the Monon Route, being the direct line, will sell round-trip tickets to land-seekers and tour­ ists at tho above rate, allowing fifteen days to stop-over and return, the extreme limit of ticket being thirty days from date of sale. This is the goiden opportunity for land-seekers to witness a display of South­ ern agricultural, mineral, and other prod­ ucts in the roalm of "King Cotton" and his prime ministnr. Prince Tobacco, and will enable expectant settlers or investors to judge for themselves of tho wonderful re­ sources, of the New South before making in­ vestments. Tickets will be on sale October 2, 1). and 16. affording choice of routes from Chicago, via cither Cincinnati or Louisville, with Pullman Buffet Sleepers on night trains and Parlor Chair Cars on day trains. For full particulars address L. E. Sessions, Box 581, Mimftapolis; E. O. McCormick. General Passenger Agent Monon Route. Chicago; or call at City Ticket Office. 73 Clark street. THE habit of running over boots or shoes corrected with Lyon's Patent Heel Stiffenera. Do You Ifavo that extreme tired teelinR, languor, without appetite or strength; TmpsireS digestion, and a gen­ eral feeling of misery it is impossible to describe? Hood's SarsapariUa is a wonderful medicine for cre­ sting tin appetite, promoting d&estien, and toning up the whole Byntem, givinc Rirength and activity in place of weakness and debility. Be sure to get Uood's. 1 take Hood's SarsapariUa a Terr roar as • tonic, with moat satisfactory results. I recommend Hood's Siraaparills to all who h#re that miserable tired feeling." O. PARMELEE, S49 Bridge atreet, Brook­ l y n . H . Y . "My health waa not very good for some months. I did not have much appetite, nor sleep well. I also had frequent sick headaches, and I had no ambition (o do anything. I \v»a recommended to try Hood's Karsaparilla. And thought have not taken all of one Vittle an yet. I feel like a new parson. I highly icc-ommend it to all." Mas. W. A. TCBNEH, West Hanover, Mass. Hood's Sold by all druggists, fl; alitor (5. Prepared only by C. I. HOOD & CO., Apothecaries, Lowell. Mass. IOO Doses One Dollar R;R^VO, WILL SAVU MO.NKV, --.uiM Time, Pain, Trouble, and wilt CURB ELY'S CREAM BALM. Apply Balm intoesch nostril. FLY BROS , !M Warren 8t. N. T. SarsapariUa WARNER'S LOG CABIX REMEDIES. -- "Sarsapa­ riUa,"'-- " Congh and Consumption Remedy," --"Hops and Buclra,"-- "Extract,"--"HairTon- ttliaB ic,"--"Liver Pills," -- "Plasters," (Porous-Electrical),--"Rose Cream," for Catarrh. They are like Warner's "Tippecanoe," the simple, ef­ fective remedies of the old Log Cabin days. H OME hand, etc. thoronp keeping, Busia •Forms, man*hip.Artthmetic,Sho(fc _ taught bj free. B*YANT*S Buslines COLUIOK. Buffalo.JF.®- by motf. Circulars UPPER'S Plgnul ••••••Maitlislgi StowrllAOSk iwn<l cureaOosgestions. wfeetbwr Bowels, or other giaods or organs. No matter how violent »r " Rheumatic, Bedridden, 111 Neuralgic, or proetntod with Internally a half to a tewpoonfa! in MIT*! of water will in a ft w mimmm mnOHiil fl Sour Htomaci, Nauees, Vomiting, Hw " Ktusria in its rarlonstonas cut*a|nd There ia not a remedial stent in tbrwotia aire ferer and ague and all other fevec* i Radway's Piila) ao qnfekly aaiuflwaT'a „ t ACHK8 AN 19 PAiSlSL "or headache (wbetiier aicT-- inula. aerrou«n#sa sa& u. lainbago, pains and weekae* la spine, or kidneys, pains around the liver, swelling ot the Joint*, and pains of aOhte plication of Radway's Baa iy Belief will i mediate ease, and Its continued use tar i ifid^Sff'wnleu'fc ***.*» nem tam „ | it Myfhtaff tin It thi i>»H K#wr e*. »*K*. T»W| VK1B. AMWOW Tscufc C> , I HHI|8 P I S O S C U R E F O R C O N S o M IttSTION THIS PAPS* -- - ~ CLEKL-H harmless, poaitiv*aad iwaasat, "" g manhood from «|* or ataa*. puriOer known. K bottle; ant Dragciats keep it. Qlek Od. US S Halatod-et.. ' NORTHWESTERN WUTAITMilMMf Twenty-three miles north ot Chicago; has a talk earns of experienced instructors; fire HIIIM sg study, and unsurpassed facilities for InaiiimitaSt. health, home comforts, snd OhiMtta InlMjMk. Send tor catalogue to Highland Fvi, 111. $100 to S300 taira us. Agents preferred who can tarnish horsee snd give their whole time to " Spare moments may be profitably A few vaoanciea in towns snd cteiea. BUM * CO.. lOM Kits St, ~ The OLDEST MEPHHHE Is tha WOWjSI UarohaWj Dr. Imm ThmpwA •Itlratti Ey« Watsll This article Is a carefully prepared phnl(Mi|n. scripUpn. and has been in constant use forneat&tt centntTTand notwithstanding the many nth win ami stions that have been iatrodntad into the nunafe%» sale of this article is constantly increasing. Btha# rectiona are followed it will never fail, we pjjjaja §&?£".StSSK-aSSSK ULt USMBMM&l ' D JL JONES I .Burlington . Route HALF RATES FARMING RESINS WEST,SOUTHWEST, NORTHWEST. P.^Plfi?OTIs!aenTlft*ik $15 for 5 TMfttprai rcireiuirttliM M TO*i THE FUEL SAVED D U P L E * »V RADIATWa* FUEL SAVER MMa TO ALL STOVES, S*Us LOCAL MENTS WANTED •MET «rc.CMnmsia n>: SEND FOR CIRCULARS. FRAZER •1ST IN TMK WORLD. or Oet the Oeaulne. (oMBvwfwhM Cures Neuralgia, To Bwdache, Catarrh, Croap, Sora RHEUMATISM- na Back, Stiff Joints, Sprains, BraiM£. Burns, Wounds, 0M Soras aai " Aches and Pain*»_ r test!mi >iUals received by JMI , Tba many tostiuvmiai prove all we claim for this valual not only relterea tha most aev« . B it Cam Yffii. TbaFt lHi 1 by Drumrtst*. M eta. (oxo BOOK Ire** WIZARD OIL COMPANY I prescribe and dorse Big O na specific for the of this disease. U. H. IXURAHAJf.M. Bk* Amsterdaaa. If. T. We have sold many . , given the beat M faction. D. R. DYCHE * CO.. CMeaco. lit* •1.00. Soidbjr Dracaini^ C.N. U. Nn.30-4* YlTHiCN WRITING TO AD' V i>lea*e aay yes «w Iks atfNrtl fa this pai>tr. nrwktsjMartu. WerscsM »end Ul« collogo to anr rtnlew. MenUau thla ^Tl»e uiaii wlio lius from Hire® to five dollar* in a Itubber Coat, uid at his flnt half tour i experience in a storm finds to his sorrow that it is hardly a better protection tlian a mos­ quito nettii.#. nut onlr let Is cluigrined at being so badly taken in. but also feels if he dues not look eaactjy libs Ask forth# "KISH rtkAND" SUCKS* I not h«*e the FISH BBAXO, aendfbr " WET deacrtiitNatalaluaai. A. we offer the man who wants i ari (aot style) a garment that will kssa him dry in the hardest storm. lib called TOWfcfc'S riSH BtAVn " SLICKElt," a mTii *--"»*' ta i Cow-bi>v tail over the land. With I the oulv perfect Wind and Wa Cnat is fewer's flab Iteand a , aad tabs ao other. Ifywir aha ataaHr' A. J. T owaa. 80 iitmsmaa gt_ Bss ton. Ma T H R E E M O N T H S . THE CHICAGO Liosit, which is tte only r»tt»> ble Family Story .Paper nnhtiebed in the West, will b«>entonfUp •.••mistrial toanvad drees dorwIlEUTDth, aoatlnot October. Xo-Ilf -- • ̂ vember. an Uterw >t for tkrsameaths. hat firatoisaa vaper, IM car.not tad to ilsass yon. THE CHICAGO F5 \'.±h