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- u . y „ .... • "» ,VN 1 W\ ' £ \ / v . ? . . «fS^#5§"S r-tr ': w; No Favors Win us and no Pear Shall Awe." * M Pledged but to Truttiv to Liberty DNESDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 1888. M'HENRY, ILLINOIS, NO. 17 SQLSQBS' OIFABTUSHT. THE CHWIGOa»® NOR BUSINESS CARDS. Han. T, D. Murphy, V, 8. Lumley MURPHY * LUMLEV. ATTORNEYS AT LAW, and Solicitors to Ghueerf, WOODSTOCK, II.L. Office in the rear of Park ilonse. lint floor. A Bad Oow at * FneraL Edited by WM. H, COWLIN, WOODSTOCK. ITL. WW. OSBORVE, M. I>. PHYinivV VVi> U KJKOJf. Office at tlie Parker House. West McHenry. Calls promp.ly attendee! to day and night* -.•S; "7b care for htm who ha* borne the battle, and for his wit&nv and orphans."-- LINCOLN, Friendship, Charily. Loyalty-- Worthy tons of Patriot MUhert. P*BLI«H«D KrilT WSDKBSDJLT ST . V AN m U Y K *£»- ^ ̂ POITOB ASO PROPRIETOR. Office in Bishop's Block,! 5 •"•fcjWOMTS PSSSY ft TERM4 OF 8UBJORIPTIOH. One Year (In Anvanoe) .Sl.W If Not Paid within Three Months. 100 Suuacriptiono received for three or tlx ttfntha in the same proportion. Kates of Advertising. "We annennce liberal rates for advertising M the PCAIWDBALKK, and enleayor to state them so plainly that they will be readily an- iorstood. They are aa follows: 1 Inch one year - • » *• 5 0® 8 Inches ene year • • • • 10 00 t Inches one year «. * •- 15 00 i Oolnmn one ye|^ ^ » ' «,.: - SO no 4 O o l n m n e n e y e a r * . . . . 6 0 0 0 Column one year - - - - 100 00 •ne Inch menns the meainreraent of one . noh d»wa the colnmn, single column width, x Yearly advertisers, at the above rates, have the privilege of changing as often as they Ihoese, without extra charge. Regnlar advertisers (meaning those having itanalng cards) will be entitled to insertion •f local notices at the rate of ft cents per line •ach week. All others will be charged 10 eents per Mne the flrst week, and 5 cents per line for each subsequent week. Transient advertisements will be charged at the rate ef 10 cents pe line, (nonpareil typo, same as this is set in) the first issue, and • oenta per line for subsequent issues. Tins, fcn Inch advertisement will cost fUOOforone week, $i.B0 for two weeks, 92.00 for three weeks, and so on. * The PiAiKDKAbBB will be liberal in giving •dltorial notices, but, as a business rulo, it will require a suitable fee from everybody Seeking the use of its columns for pecuniary gain. BUSINESS CARDS. B. T. BROWN. M.D. IJBY310IAX AN1> SURGEON. OFFIM St V Residence, McHenry, 111. O. H. FEGER9, M, D-„ >HYSI01AK AND SURdEON, McHenry, Ills. Office at Residence. O. J. HOWARD, M. D. PHYMOIAN AND SURGEON, McHenry. 111. Office at Residence, one door West KM. E. Church. BARBIAN BROS. CIGAR Manufacturers, McHenry.,111. Or-dtr solicited. Shop, la Old McHenry, in Setter Block, third door west of Riverside House. Livery Stable. HE. WIGHTMAN, Proprietor. Trwtt . class rigs, with or without drivers furnished at reasonable rates. Teaming of all kinds done on short notice. M r V V U I U V W ^ l l l ; NEAR THE DEPOT, WEST MoHENRY, ILL Keeps open for the accommodation of the' jhttoUosrimfc-Olaeo Saloon and Restaurant, Stare he will at all times keep the beat brands of Wines, Liquors and Cigars , to be found in the market. Also Agent For VBANZ FALK' IILWADKEE LAGER BEER. Boer in Large or Small Kegs or Bottles al­ ways en hand, cheaper than any other, quali­ ty considered. Orders by mail promptly attended y GOOD STABLING FOR HOR8$fc fprQall and see us. Robert •chlessle. Wert McHenry, IlL ;jji'.lj ' III. II 'III ni l t il ill I'll I 'ill I'HHJHI' " SiLOON AND RESTAURANT. MsHENRY, ILUNOI*. Fins Kentucky Liquors, - French Bitters, HcHenrjr Lager Beer, -AND-- ^ H ScUitz Hilfaskee Bottle Beer. I* any quantity from a Suit* Glass to 500 barrels. ' At VV-aOELSALEoft ttrAIL P 'Beer in bettles, kegs or case as ^ cheap as the cheapest. «r« bay none bat the best and : tell at Reasonable Prices. Call and see me and I will use r feu well. ANTONY ENGEI^N HSftear^tU., 1W«4 PAUL BROWN, ATTORNEY AT L AW. U. S. Rxpreut co.'s Building, 87 and 83 Washington St. v CHICAGO, ILL. M. t. ELLSWORTH, ATTORNEY at Law, and Bolleltor IB Chang eery, Nunda, III. A3 A W. SMITH,. ATTORNEY AT LAW and solicitor] pa Chancery.--Woodstock, I1L JOSLYN ft CASEY. ATTORNEYS AT LAW, WOODSTOCK HI. All business will receive prompt atten. tion. V MARY G. B'ARBIAN. HAIR WORKER. AH kiucfe of Hair Work done in flrst class style and at reasonable prices. Rooms st residence, north- oast corner of Public Square, McHenry, 111. DRS. a K. WILLIAMS ft D AH LIN. DENTIST* Residence Dundee. Will be at McHenry. at Parker House, the 10th 11th 25th and 96th of each month. When dates occur Saturday or Sunday I make my visits on the following Monday,and the first day of such visit occurs on Friday, I will stay but one day. UnM States ffar Claii pej OF WM- H. COWLIN, Woodstock, - - Illinois. Prosecutes all classss and kinds of claims against the United States for ex-Soldiers, their Widows, Dependent Relatives or Heirs. A specialty is made in prosecuting old and rejected claims All communications promptly answered if Postage Stamps are enclosed for reply. WM, H. COW US Office at Residence, Madison St., Woods toe a, Illinois. Attention Horsemen! MCHENRY, III., April 1st, 1888, I would resDectfully invite the Public to call and examine m j stock of Horses before making arrangements elsewhere. No busi. ne«s d«ne ou^unriay. N. S. COLBY M'HBNKY 1U. E. R- AUSTIN^ At Parker House Barn* FIRST CLASS RTGS, with or without Drivers, Furnished at lteasonable Rates. But and Hacks run tu and fr >m all Trains.-- Orders for I'. i^gase Promptly Attended to. West >Lclleiu°>', 111. c. G. ANDREWS. GENERAL I ' SPE1NO GROVE ILL. Sales ot Stock, Farming Tools and Goods of all kinds attended to on the most BIASOSABLI TIBXS. . G. Andrews, Spring Grve, 111 spring 3rove, Sept 8th, 1885, 11-11-Sm SMITH & ROGERS' Quintette Orchestra* Mc HENRY, ILL. Are prepared to furnish First Class MnMe to the Dancing Public at Reasonable Rates. J, Smith, 1st Violin. Robt. Madden. Clarionet, C. Curtis, Cornet. L, Owen, Trombone, E. Ingalls, Basso and Prompter, Address all communications to Jerry Smith, McHenry. SI for 13 Weeks. The POtilCE GAZETTE will be mailed, securely wrapped, to any address in the United Stales for three months on receipt of ONE DOLLAR. Liberal discount allowed to postmasters agents and clubs, sample copies mailed free Address all orders to &ICHAKD X. VOX, FBAHKLtir SQUABE, New York ATTENTION 1 Farmers and Dairymen. It|«rlll pay those looking for CHOICE COWS Fresh milkers or springers, to call M* premises before purchasing. I can furnish such by the car load or Bingte cow. PORTER H. WOLFRUM, CHBMUKG. Farm about.four miles northwest of Harvard, Illinois. JOHN P. SMITH, ^Tatohmalcei* ^ic Jeweler, McHENRY. ILLINOIS. A FINE stock of Clocks, Watches and Jew­elry alwarson hand. Special attention given to repairing fine watches. Give me a call. * . k , JOHN P. SMITH. S f o T V ; J:-' j >g-,; v -rV ,* . . It . m* fisu^ P,' i ter .r£&D DECOBAipi. HEBRO V ILL Decerating, Paper-Hanging, CALCIMINW0, GRAINING. 4c Done on abort notice and satisfhetion gnaraa- taod. Oall on or address^ H. FISH. X; A. M. CHURCH, Watchmaker and Jewelw NO. 112 SOUTH CLARK STREET, Chi­cago, 111. Special attention given to re­ pairing Fine watches and Ohron&neters. 4V*A Full Assortment of Goods in his Una WESTERN LANDS. J. G. McGregor ft Co., >f Elgin, Illinois, have tor sale in the Great PipsstOiie Co , Minn. (0.000 Aersa ef Land. Which they offer at Low Prices and Easy Terms. See bills giving date of our next Excursion, and for full particulars apply to J. VAN SLYKK. MsHenry, III. D. NHDHAMt SONS 110-11* DNrtomttmlt Mwfffff Frag* FOR SALE at H. V. SHIPABD*8 Hardware Store, McHenry. nunc, Pomp Repaiiiag, CEMENTINC, ETC. The undersigned is prepared to do all jobs in this line of Digging Wells, Repairing Pumps. Cementing Wells, or •*111 put in STew Pumpa On short notice and warrant satisfaction. ' In short will do all work in this line. Can furnish you a new Pump, either wood or iron, warranted, as cheap a* any other man. Good references furnished if desired. If you want a Well Dug, a Pump Repaired or a new Pump, give me a call. aa^Orders by mail promptly attended to. Post Office, Johnsburgh, 111. L. BANTES. Johnsburgh, 111., May 25th, Ifr'S. -BREEDERS OF- MORGAN HORSES, Skort Bid Polled And Jersey Cattle. West MoHenry, III. Our Morgan 8tock is 'all pure bred, and originated from the beat Morgan stojk in the United States. Old Giffnrd Morgan, who stands at the head >f our Stock, is one ot the best bred Morgan torses in the country, and can show more and tetter all purpo<e colts than any other horse in the West. We Invite the Inspection of our stock by h >rsemen and all lovers of fine animals. A few full blood Morgan Celts and youna torses for sale. Also one matched team, full iloods. In battle we have the full blood Short Horn jvluchweare crossing with the Red Polled \ngusand therefore instead of sawing off (the torns *e are breeding them off and with lood euceess, A few Heifers and Bulla, both pure bred 3hort Horns and the cross above mentioned 6>r sale. . J. ft. Saylor A Sons. WAHt McH«nrv. 111.. Feb. 27th. 1888. SIBLEY:S A*TESTED*{1 OEEDS SEND' for our new Vegetable, Flower, Field Plants, B'llbs Impletn'ls. IliBstrated Catalope SEEDS pplication. Don't neglect writing for it. HIBAM SIBLSY & CO. Rochester, N. Y. Chicago, III FRTEE by mail on application.^ S22-S26 £. Main St. 12-14 N. Clark 8t s W4I>TJED 1 »To canvass for the sale of Nursery Stock. Steady employment guaranteed. Salary and expenses paid. Apply at once stating age. Reter to this paper. SNELL ft HOWL AND, . • - Roohester. N. T. ^ Parker's \ SPAVIN CURE IS mVEQCALED as an application to hones foe the euro of Spetvta, Ekes- aiatlsas, Hpllat, Rsflnlsi Joints, and all severs Um» ness, also for traok ass whsa ndaoed. «• Price I1JC isr ksttlfc> •oldbydrnaMs. WwH«| S. w. BAXnr^ loll praprlstar, imt S. K IMtamiiMIVMUMl •ahssnk ft aoas, OUem OLl iumaM',a*oo»M.fcMi*M* JtsA. Kerosene, the tatt qaalily, mi Sloiy^i r*L 2-,&*•&•« RAILWAY. |>enetr«t«l Centers ofl ' :Po#al«t<olltln nois, lota, Its train service la meet requirements of to furnish the most through travel between Trad* fully arranged to iltravel, as well tractive routes tor portant aires. parlor cars, din. is without rival, of stone ballast- favorite route for te tourist and the »s in the golden Its equipment of da£ ing and place sleeplnf ~ Us road-bed is per" ed steel. The Northwestern la­ the commercial tiavele seekers after new k Northwest. 4 Detailed information ofceerfully furnished bT BERKARD KISS. Agent, 1 McHenry, lit. X, M. WHITMAN, ] Gen. Manager. : H. a WICK R, , Traffic Manager. , ft l4 WILCOX Omtral Pnawmacr Aaeal. \\ T n A \TC madko® FARM LAND AND .s^siiitliorrowers. f. W. BAN8TEAD, Boiden Blk, Elgin, 1U. IH m A fell fine at Cloths, of the latest scales and patterns always on hand. GrA RM K NTS, |lH FULL SUITS, Made on short notice and a At gimfanteed. From our experience and practical knowl­ edge of 'he business we are confident we can please the most taeUdious, and respectfully invite all In want of Clothing of any kind to givemeacalL Prices as low as the same qaality ef soods can be purchased any where. C.Jei BRILL, Richmond, October 15th, 1888, L. W. NICHOLS, JR., Elgin VH9V7«|GS. JEWELER AND EHGHAYfiR, RICHMOND ILLINOIS. A4 work in my line neally and promptly doner "'i ine watch rejiaaiug a apjclaltj. Caveats, and Trade-Markg obtained, and all Patent business conducted for Moderate Fees. Our Office is Opposite U. S. Patent Of­ fice. We have no sub agencies, all business direct, hence can transact patent business in leea tim. ma at less cost than those remote from Washington. Send model, drawing, or pnoto., with descrip­ tion. We advise if patentable or not, frw ot Charge. Our fee not one till patent is secured. A oook, " How to Obtain Patents,'* with refefr «nces to actual clients in your Stats, county, <M sent free. Address, C. A. SNOW & CO. ^ OwitlH falwl OSes, WaAlagtea, P. C. ̂ Q. A. Rs Direotory* ^ P O S T N O . 6 4 3 . Sveets the Flrstand Third Saturday evenings of each month. * L. E. BRMNBTT, Com. Meets Siaoh month. itioimom> rosT no a the second Fridaj evening of W14. PBA.COCK, Com. WOODSTOCK POST, HO 106. Meets first and third Monday evenings of each month. WM. AVBBT. Com. KUMOA POST, MO 396, Meets the second and fourth iTuesday eveninssof eaoh month. WX. BUTLIS, Ooa. SABTABD VOBT, SO 8S5. Meets the second ana tourtn Monday-even lngs of each month. R. J. WHITTLBTOX, Com. MABBNOO POST, NO. LOE. Meets every Second sad Fourth Friday evenings of each month. JOHN W.^g RISEN, Oom. WAUOOMDA POST, NO. 36S. Post meets every second and fourth Satur­ day evening in G. A. R. Hall, Main St. WABASV K. POWEKS, Oom, double their menej selling our BBA»s finished corrugated A8ENTS KEFbECTOiC SiFETT LAMP. Can be sold in every familj. Gives morelisfat than threeordinary lamps 5. Urj. I'M oi Jto for tree ~K . . 7 „v, u&w»"5E.i Along the Skirmish Use. New York City is reported aa baring 52 Grand Army Posts, Tbe posts la Wisconsin are lucres*- their membership very rapidly. Lander Post, No. 5, Lynn, Mass^ has a war library of 1,000 volumes. The Post at Antlge, Wis, recently lost its ball, bookt and reosrds by Are. Post No. 35, Chester, Pa., proposes to expend one thousand dollars lt> re­ pairing their hall. There are 15,060 soldiers buried In tbe National Cemetery at Fredericks* >urg, Va. An eSort is being made to secure tbe old fort at Dodge City, Kansas, for a soldiers' home. John Scott Peit, Oahkosh, Wis., is preparing for a royal time on Thanks­ giving night, U, S. Grant Post, No. 5, Philadel- pht, Pa., will hold a fair at their bead- quarters In December. There is a Grand city of Fredericksburg. Va., where au,000 Uoipn soldiers lost tbelr lives. A meeting of the association of ex- priBouers of War. ia Central New York, was held at UtiCa, The Soldiers1 Home at Waupaca Wis., has seventy lumates aud has a great many applications on tile. 0The Woman's Relief Corps of. Fon du Lac,.Wis., has arranged for a course of lectures during the Winter. The seventh re-union and convention of the Union Veteran Army was held at Ellsworth. Kansas, October 19 and 20. Lucy Wood, Barre, Vt., 102 years ot age, desires a pension on account of tbe services of her husband in tbe war of 1812, General Jobs C. Fremont Camp of Sons ot Veterans, at St. Louis Mo., will bold a reception Wednesday eve­ ning Oct. 31. Fifty thousand sailers aud marines attended the National Encampment at Columbus In September. John L. Porter, who designed snd constructed the Merrimac, Is now welldtng a bread axe In the Norfolk Navy Yard, He Is almost eighty. John Erlcson. who constructed the Monitor, Is also well along In years, but bis old age is free from want or care. Ed Saxe W. R, C.. Ne. 22. Wautoma, Wis, has a membership of fifty-two. At the recent dedication of the Sol­ dier's Borne at Waupaca, thirty of the members attended tho ceremonies, riding In their own conveyances, they living distant from any railroad. This corps has made and sent to tbe home •65 worth of bedding. Since 1861 and previous to June 30 1887, 628,272 applications have been* made for pensions, This includes 367. 000 Revolutionary pensioners and their descendants, pensions to the veterans of the war of 1812. Indian wars and the Mexican war. The pension rolls are so kept that it is Impossible to tell how many veterans of made aplicatloni. •'Little Phil." General Phillip Henry Sheridan graduated at tbe Military Acadcmy at West Point in 1S53, and served on fron­ tier duty In Texas for nearly two yean>, and in Oregon for five years. At the commencement of the civil war he was appointed Quartermaster of the army of Southwestern Missouri, aud in April, 1862, Chief Quartermaster of the Western department. In May, 1862, he was appointed Colonel of the Second Michigan Volunteer Cavalry; was commissioned Brigadier General of VolllnteerB. July 1, 1862 and after a brief period, «ras put in command of the 11th division of the Army of the Ohio. Ho commanded a division ot the Army of the Cumberland, and at the battle of Stone River, saved the array from rout by his stubborn re­ sistance. For his gsllsafc oosdoot be was pro- meted to be Major-General of Yolun- toeiH UAyrinftt, he WM the Army of the Potomac by General Grant, put In command of the cavalry corps, and in the months of May, June and July, besides protecting the flank of the army and reconnoitering the enemy's position, was successfully en­ gaged ia eighteen distinct actions. On the 4th of August, 1S64, he was put In command of the army of the Shen­ andoah and soon after of the Middle Military division where he gained sev« eral successes over General Early, for which he was made a Brigadier-Gen­ eral In tbe United States army and in November following was made Major General. He joined Grants army at City Point from whence he started March 25th, 1865, to strike the final blow for the overthrow of General Lee's army of Northern Virginia. He fought the battle of Dinwiddle Court House, March 31, and that of Five Forks which necessitated Lee's evacu­ ation of Richmond and Petersburg, April 1, and as the army of Northern Virginia fled, he constantly attacked and harassed them, and compelled their surrender st Appomattox Court House April 9, 1865, He was assigned to the military di­ vision of the Soutb-West, June 3, and that of the Gulf June 17, 3865. Under a new reorganization of the military distrlots and departments, he wss ss- signed to the department of the Gulf, In 1866 and in March 67, to the depart* ment of the Missouri, where he con­ tinued until 1869, when by the promo­ tion of Sherman, he became Lieuten­ ant General and assumed command of the Western and south- Western mili­ tary divisions, with his headquarters it Chicago. Helping a Rebel Private, Said Congressman Cummlngs, of New York, at a recent Washington dinner : 'It was tbe Monday night after Chan- oellorvllle and they were trying to force us bsck Into the Rappahannock at Bank's Ford. It was s nasty night and very dark, and the bullets were dropping around with rather too much persistency for comfort. As I stooped down to bring the heads of any rebs who might be in view against the hor* Izon. 1 saw a ragged cap outlined against the sky. The silhoutte was strong enough for me to see that both cap and wearer were rebs, aud that •they were imrtdfc enr lines, Calling a comrade, 1 watted until Johnny Reb was close, snd one on each side, we made him a prisoner. He was a queer specimen. On his back was s knap­ sack of untanned hide and boots of the same material bung from his belt. We took him Into csmp and all sat around awhile, L'he reb was moody and melancholly. Finally I said te him: "Look here; don't feel so badly. Yon will be traded in a day or two, so it will be all right." The words only served to Increase his grief, aud bursting Into tears he blubbered: "Wouldn't er cared so blams much, if this hadn't er tuk place so blame sud­ den. Yer see, Yank, I've been lighten near two years for promotion, an' to- morrer I wuz ter been made corporal. It's too dog gone bad to be tuck like this jess before i wuz promoted." Here he cried like s baby. Well we didn't think the fellow any coward. Ha had just set bis heart on promotion and It WHS nearly broken by his cap­ ture. We talked tbe matter over snd it ended In hslf burying the reb in tbe leaves and leaving him there to get back to his promotion as best he couli. We nsd determined be should have that oorporslsbip If we oould help him to it. Oeneral Sheridan's Horse. General Sheridan's horse. Rlensaor Winchester, as he was oalled by the General after the battle at that place, died at Chicago, 111* In October, 1878, at the age of 21. His remains were sent to a taxidermist st Rochester, New York., and after being skilfully mounted were sect by the General to the Military Institute at Governor's Island, New York., Here the steed ot that memorable ride to Winchester can still be seen, looking as natural as lite, and i«ythe object of the greatest eurlosity to the dally visiter st the island. Rienza was presented to General Sheridan at Rienza. Mississippi, on the occasion of his promotion to the oolo- nelcy of the Second Michigan Cavalry by the officers of that regiment In tbe Autumn flf 1861. He continued to serve his master faithfully and well, taking part in all tbe famous battles until a few years before his death, when, out of consideration for his past services, he was put on the pen­ sion rolls, tbe General declining to permit him to be used for any pur­ pose. Rienza was raided In Michigan, and was ef Black Hawk Stock, as his dark, shiny coat, white feet en J large flow­ ing mane and tail indicated. He was about 16& hands bitch. Bucklen's Arnica Selves The best Salve In tbe world for cuta. orulses, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fevei sores, tetter, chapped bands, chilblains, oorns. and all skin eruptians, snd pos- tively cures piles, or no pay required it is guaranteed to give perfect satis­ faction, or money refunded. Price 25 eerts per box. Iter Mis bi®.W, A thrilling incident funeral in Bungree, Victoria,* day, says the Bulletin. The ers and other officials were la tfce set'"' of bearing the remains of the Isle la­ mented from the cemetery sate to the grave and the friends and relatives fol­ low ed sadly in the wake, allowing their bitter tears to filter through large handkerchiefs, when a one-horned, bony cow, with a fiery eye and an ele­ vated tail, bore down on the cortege and butted the gentlemen who bore the coffin into & condition of rags and incapacity; then she skipped about, frolicked along sideways, trod upon the procession, and* wore holes in it with her solitary horn, after which the remainder of the mourners sought com­ parative security on top of tombstones and in other elevated positions, leav­ ing the dead and wounded on the field of action. The grave-digger subse­ quently diverted the cowfs attention with a spade, and the funeral termin­ ated with a prayer. "Well, young man," said s sporting- goods dealer, "what can we do ftltjfS you?" "Have you any books on base­ ball?" "Yes." "Gi' me 'The Rise an1 Fall of the Roman Umpire."--New York Sun. "Mr. Hushlv, you're about?" asked "Mrs. H., do you know what stopped at the head of the stairs with the lamp. "'Course I do. Tm 'bout er drunkest man I ever saw inr my Hfo, Hurrah!"--Merchant Traveler. "Does your son get on fast in his studies, Mrs. Brown?" asked the minis­ ter at dinner. "Guess he does," put in Bobby; "I heard Jim Williams say that George was the fastest m*n in Yale College."--iHarper's Bazar. "Do as you would be done by," said the deacon, earnestly. "Can't," replied the chorister; "I've just been done by a snide horseman from Beverly and I can't do a blind man with the 12-year- old colt he's shoved onto me."--Bur- dctle. "Death is a sad thing," he said to s man who stood weeping at a grave. "Ah, yes," was the broken reply. "Ate you sorrowing over the death of a dear friendP" "I am sorrowing sir, over the death of my wife's first husband." Epoch. f Deacon (to country minister)--I s'pose, parson, that the advance ia your salary from $500 to $600 will be a big help to you." Minister--"Yes, in­ deed; the additional $100 will enable me to hire a man to collect the$500."-- Harper's Bazar. Father (looking over his son's w. ©oun.te->~-And what doe» this ltaiRKd9ff 'incidental expenses, $150,' cover? A member of Yale '91--That? o.ltaow now. It went for replacing some teeth I had knocked out in football gameK--- New Haven News. Lawyer (drawing will of sick client)' --"Your estate is much smaller, sir, than has generally been supposed." Sick client--"Yes; but that fact n»)£t be kept quiet until after the funeral. I want a good showing of grief-stricken mourners.^"--Epoch. "You must lead quite a pastoral life," said the woman to the tram'^, "roaming over the country this beauti­ ful weather." "Rather more of a past- ure-al life, madam," replied the tramp, sadly; "I slept in the open air with eight cows last night."--Epoch. Young doctor (to patient)--That prescription,,I left last ni^ht, sir, was s mistake. It was intended for another patient. Did you have it tilled? Pat­ ient--Yes, doctor. Doctor--Well, how are you feeling this morning? Patient --Much better.--New York bun. Tragedian--I was great as Hamlet last night, Witticus. You should have seen me. The audience was fairly car­ ried awav. Witticus--O, I was there, Ranter; I was there. I was carried away myself at the end of the first sot --in an ambulance.--Harper's Baxar. She--"How can you sit there smok­ ing, Henry, when the garden is in snch a wretched condition?" He--"My dear, that is the silliest question you have asked me this summer. Mv intense . devotion to the weed should explain the matter to you."--New Haven News. Brown--Is it true, Dumley, that yon dislike me bitterly, that you feel for me nothing but vfndictiveness and ma­ lignant hatred? Dumley--Great heav­ ens, old man, what put that monstrous notion into your head? Brown-- (puff) cigar you have just given me.-- New York Sun. Angry customer (to Mr. Isaacstein)~ Dutchy, when I bought this suit two months ago you said it wouldn't fade. Look at the color now! Mr. Isaacstein --My frent, dat vas changed peautiful­ ly. I iron you dot suit out for $8, und beebles will dink you choost boughd'a new von.--New lork Sun* ? The manner in which a human being1 J progresses in intelligence is simply ana clearly illustrated. Take a child and give it a quarter. He immediately tries to swallow it just as it is. Give s man a quarter aud he prudently con­ verts it into a liquid before attempting; to 8wallow it.--Alerchant Traveler. "Vat," said the collector for a little German band to a citizen who sat in his front window,"you no gif noddings for dot moosic?" "Not a cent!" re­ plied the citizen, with hopeless empha­ sis. "Den-ve blay some more, aat's all!" threatened the collector, so the citizen hastily gave up a quarter-- Epoch. First Chicago Anarchist--Py Gumr You hear dot? More inquisitions. More tyrannies. Ve must revolt. Second Anarchist--Vot happen no#? You hear abound dose Waifs' Mission cruelties?" "Nein." "Id's awful. Last veek dose beoples caught 500 newspoys und vashea 'em."-- World. "I see," said the dude to the banker, "that you advertise for a young man of unquestioned integrity and good ad­ dress to become your private messen­ ger. Now my integrity is Al. and as ifor my address, it is No. 67 Murray Hill. There's no better in town." But the banker was too busy to talk fast then, aud the engagement did MA tnk® ^lsucii.--Harpet'»Bwsttr.