McHenry Public Library District Digital Archives

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 3 Apr 1889, p. 6

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"4M»i AAD I • w ' o r " w a a a j ^ , jnr».^i* wto^oiw'-fttjar.',^ *"f fit evening o*«f in album all the faces of friends that h^liaa Ss&ves of fiiucj" tltj la shadowy &ft» feattiras of an oM swaatheart &A-. *a£i»a%o glknaier with a flicker p0 [flow to teat aw «& tlfcs 4azxle is my in ailenoa, MW * algb that 'It*fat* with my tobacco aud to vanish la the 5W. ' amoko. " "f?1Eh * fragrant ntmpMtlWK^fot'.Mii^ tovfog though t,a that «tart Mnto being are like perfumes from the btoaaoma U of the heart; ' •And to dream the old dream over la a luxury divine, « When my truant fanov mate* with that old sweetheart of mine. "ffeongh I hear, beneath my study, like a flutte*- ;, lng ot wings, K: **tlM voices of my children and the mother aa ane •tegs. , *5 feel »o twinge of conaefonoa to deny me any theme t*m*mcaro haa oaat fear aaohor la the harbor of a dream. a/3* fact, to speak. in earnest, I believe it adds a '0 oh arm *Wi» aplee the good a trifle with a little dust of harm-- SFor I Ami an extra flavor in memory'* mellow, •- vine 'That makes me drink the deeper to that Old sweetheart of mine. • A face of lily beanty and a form of airy graco . ! JFloat out from my tobacco as the garni from the vase; -And I thrill beneath the glances of a pail: of azure eves As glowing as the aummer and as tender as the akiee. % can Bse the pink enabonnet aad the little > i checkered drees 3UM wore when firat j kissed her aad she «a- revered the careen "With the written declaration that, "as surely as the vine ••Grew round the stump, abe loved me"--that old sweet heart of mine. MMtad again I feel the -pwuii M te abate l 4 . little hand 'A« we used to talk together at Um futara we *' . a had planned-- Lf 3f "When I should be a poet and with nothing else to do A l®«t to write the tender verse* that she aet tho a music to.~ < ^When we should live together in a cosy little * i-. COt, ttBKd in a nest of roses, with a tiny garden spot, 'Where the vines were ever fruitful and the weather ever fine Ami the birds were ever singing for that old sweetheart of mine. f|! "When I should be her lover forever aad a day, [} '• -And she my faithful sweetheart till the golden fr-r\ hair was gray ; iV.y/ . • tAnd we should be so happy that when either'* lips were dumb, V'i j 135jqy should not smile in Heaven till the other's ..I.- ' kiss had coma. pi,i &,'• TBut, ah! my dream is broken by a step span the |V stair. >Av , And the door is softly opened, aad--my wtta la it standing there, $i'/ • iSTefc with eagemess^nd rapture all my visions I f./ ' resign 'iVx w meet the living presence ot that oU tnraet- : • heart of mine. lit*. UNION SPIES Thrilling Storjr of Adventnie During the Late War. jSftC,: 3§» f* . • ^ -i "Ten days before Rosecrans moved "t- . J&QB Nashville to attack Bragg at Mur- II *; freesboro he knew the Confederate , a 'Strength to a maa uim a gun. That Kj "was, perhaps, the best piece of scout Tg -maAapy work on a large scale performed ^ . -during the war. There were twenty- 3L1- *wo of us, male aad female, engaged in the enterprise for three weeks, and , * "four of us remained with Bragg's line i si? ap to within twelve hours of the march ip"*". -out of Nashville. • ^ r" 4 On tha other hand, Bragg was rfeceiv- •- "ing hourly information from a hundred : ̂ * iifferent soarces, and his estimate of ^tho Federal strength was found to be <>nly 152 out df the way. To get these ^figazw*on either side required much - personal sacrifice at great peril, and ^4 nluring the three weeks mentioned three Wh iff y J. ' 111 *of our spies were captured and we got two "Confederates. Two of ours were shot while making a break for liberty, •and the third died in prison. The two •Confederates were killed within our lines and a guard of four men with them, 'by the explosion of an ammunition wagon. It was required of me to enter 3furfreesboro and remain for a couple of weeks to get the headquarters gossip. Such pointers as I picked up were to be forwarded to a certain spot on the Nash- *ille pike by a young man who accora- p*nied me to act as messenger. His mme was Charles Jackson and he was a private in an Ohio regiment. It was srcanged that I should hail from Louis­ ville and he from Lexington, and for two days before leaving Nashville we •were busy posting up on the streets, prominent people, public buildings, etc., of the cities named. It was an easy matter to get into the town, but it cost Uncle Sam considerable cash in advance. i was furnished with twenty-five revol­ vers as proof that I was the agent of a ^firearms house in Louisville, and Jack- •aon got in with three fine horses to sell •for a Lexington speculator. So far so good. When one has act­ ually entered upon the dangers of an "expedition the perils seem to lessen. I "took up my quarters at a hotel, and made no attempt to avoid any one. Jackson put his horses into the hotel k stables, but took up his own quarters at private boarding-house. There was inuch confusion and excitement, and no one seemed to give us any attention. On the first day of my arrival I sold a revolver to an infantry captain named Williams, and he informed me that he "would return next day with a couple of -* friends. I was in no hurry to sell out ?<my stock, as I calculated on a stay of ••"ten days at the least, and I made no ad- ' vance to the many officers coming and •going. I kept my eyes and ears open for pointers, and something worth say­ ing was picked up every hour. Jack­ son put such a high price on his horses that he found no takers on the first day, '*out on the second sold one. On the second day about mid after- 'noon, a singular adventure occurred. '^ talking with a lieutenant * of cavalry, who was anxious for *»» to get him a sabre of particular style, when X saw a civilian -enter the barroom and look furitively around. Intuition told me that his business was with me and his presence was a manage. Bragg knew that his ^camp was overrun with spies, and he liad appointed a number of picked men to move about and spot every suspicious -character. They had written authority -to interrogate and make arrests, and their hunt was so vigorous that several of our men were speedily driven out There were other civilians about the hotel, but I divined this man had come «to interview me, aud he had no sooner ^located me in the corner where I sat ^than Irose and went over to him and said: "I was expecting you, and am willing v to give you all possible information. Have a cigar and sit down. Here is my card, and in my room up stairs I have a • oonsigiiment of revolvers. Please ex- me Lieutenant, and if yon will call I will give a decided answer.* : i' ....... .... .. « 1 I, -v#\r & d\W'-i / If I had had aa ordinary man to deal .with that speech would have knocked him out at once, but the chap before me,as I afterward learned, had been a detect­ ive in New Orleans for several years, and was as cunning as a fox. He had a stern, unreadable face, and as I glanced at his compressed lips and set jaw I felt that he would show me no mercy. "Why were you expecting mo?" he presently asked, not lighting the cigar I had handed him. "Because I was told by army officers yesterday that all civilians had to be identified, and that'any remaining after to-day must have a permit from head­ quarters." "And how did you know I had come for the purpose? "Why didn't you signal thftt you desired to speak to me ?" "No, sir." "You didn't! Then IjrMtt par­ don, sir. You are probably it contractor or agent, like myself, and I am sorry for the mistake. Please accept my apologies." "So you are from Louisville?" he queried, lighting the cigar and Beeming somewhat mollified. "Yes, sir." "How long have you lived there?" "Over five years.' "Then you must know many of the business men?" "All of them, sir." ~ ; * He smoked away tor a couple of min­ utes and I knew he was setting a trap for me. While he kept silence I rattled away about the growth of the city, and the improvements made and contem­ plated, but he was not to be turned from his purpose. "Is Col. ---- able to be out yet ?" he finally asked, in a very careless way. "I saw him on the street a week ago." "Sure of that?" "Of course I am."s ~ "Col. R. G. , I mean." "Certainly, the steamboat man." , "And you saw him on the streei ft week ago?" "I did, air; and, more than that, I in­ troduced him to a Cincinnati gentle­ man." "Look here, friend," he said, as he tapped me on the arm, "Col. was killed by a locomotive at the depot in Louisville six months ago." Had he trapped me? At that mo­ ment the cavalry Captain to whom I had sold the revolver, on the previous day entered with his friend. Luckily for ihe the Captain was very mellow and good-natured. He came diretetly up to me, gave me both his hands, and ex­ claimed : "My dear, dear old fellah, but how do you do?" ' 0 "Do you know this gentleman?" asked my interrogator. "Know him! Bless your soul, but I've known him for twenty years, and he's the best fellow in the world! Why, I've shared his bed in Louisville fifty times. "Say, Captain, is Col. , of Louis­ ville, dead?" I asked. "Dead! Never! I saw him two weeks ago!" The detective looked puzzled and an­ noyed. I could see that he was not sat­ isfied, and yet I had beaten him at his own game. He soon took his departure; telling me that I was right, in believing him to be a contractor, and I saw no more of hin^. I hung on to my stock of revolvers as long as possible, but at the end of the seventh day the last one was gone. Then I had to be looking for a second consignment and furnishing ex­ cuses why it did not arrive. Jackson could have sold thirty horses while sell­ ing the three, and in order to hang on he had to buy in two or three mules and re-sell them. My meeting with him had been surrounded with every safe­ guard, and no one could say that we had evQr met or known each other. The detective left me to make in­ quiries about Jackson. In the course of a conversation he asked him some ques­ tions about Lexington which the young man did not answer correctly. We both knew this two hours later, and then I urged him to get info the Union lines as speedily as possible. It seemed to me that he was suspected and in danger, but he felt confident that such was not the case, and declared his intention to remain as long as I did. The very next morning he was put under arrest as a suspect, and the detective then set an­ other trap for me. He dropped into the hotel for a chat, now being in seeming good humor, and, after half an hour's general conversation, he observed. "I must go up to the jail. The Pro­ vost Marshal has arrested a citizen who claims to be a resident , of Franklin, my old home, and he wants nie to come up and see if I can identify him. Would you like to go along?" "Certainly." I suspected a trap, and on the way tip street it came to me that Jackson had been arrested. He would have claimed Lexington as his home, while the detec­ tive would say Franklin to put me off my guard. He believed that we were in collusion. He further believed that by bringing us together without warning we would betray ourselves. I might be wrong in my deductions, but I was nerved up when we entered the jail to see Jackson. He could have no warn­ ing that he was to meet me, and it was an anxious question as to how 'he would act. It was my fellow spy, sure enough, who was brought out, but he had the nerve of a hero. Not by so much as a wink did he betray the fact that we had ever met. When called upon to iden­ tify him I failed to remember that I had ever noticed him. Had he been right in liis answers about Lexington he would have been set at liberty, but he was wrong in several instances. He had somehow got the names of the streets mixed up with those of Cincin­ nati, and he could not give the correct naines of the leading business men. When asked about the lay of the ground hetwas way off in his Answers. No one could say that he was a Federal spy, as he had been very prudent in his movements, and if he could have held up his nerve he would have, been turned loose in a couple of days. He did not suspect that he was being watched, but such was the fact. When allowed to walk in the corridor for exercise he showed by his gait that he had been drilled as a soldier. In his cell, secure from observation as he supposed, he took from his bootleg a paper on which he had written down the names of sev­ eral Lexington business men. I had cautioned him about having the slight­ est scrap of writing about him, but he probably feared to trust to his memory entirely. Indeed, it had failed him,and. he now thought to refresh it. An excuse was soon made to search him, the paper removed, and then they be­ gan to look upon him with suspicion. For three days I heard of'him every tew hours through a colored man employed in the hotel, who had* a friend in the jail. At the end ot that time young Jackson lost his courage. He admitted made a clean breast of it. erates were dressed in blue and brought into jail and played off on the bojrs1 as Federals who had just deserted. An older head would have suspected the trick, but he believed that all <#as lost and admitted his identity. It was singular that, while Jackson sdnt, himself to death, he was so nervy in his refusal to betray me. When he confessed I was still in town. One word from him would have caused my arrest. He was told that I had been arrested, and had made a confession, admitting that we were both Federal spies and acting in concert. While he doubtless believed the statement so far as an arrest was ooncerned, he steadily replied: "How could he have confessed to an untruth? Bring him near and let me hear him say so." That baffled them. I had made several friends among the officers, and without appearing to interest myself too much, I interested them ill Jackson's case. Had he not oonfessed we could have saved him. Had he not confessed that he had passed out of the lines with information, we could have probably had him sent off as a prisoner of war. As a last effort to secure a hold on me the detective promised young Jackson life and liberty if he would furnish evi­ dence to convict me. "How can I?" he replied. "What can I say against him that he ootild not prove false ?" They were going to arrest me and confront me with the statement that Jackson had confessed all, but they were too late. I was beyond their reach. It was a year before I ascertained the poor boy's fate. After hearing that I had left, and being told that a court martial would order him to l^e hanged, he hung himself in his oeU the morn­ ing that tho battle began. Pnblic Lighting. The growth of the business of light­ ing public streets and Bquares may properly be classed as one of the won­ ders of modern times. The first feeble attempts to light the highways were made at Eddessa and Antioch in the fifth century, laws being passed to oblige persons to place lights in their windows. Similar laws were not passed in Eng­ land until the sixteenth century. In 1662 a body of torch boys was organized in London, who for a small fee accom­ panied pedestrians. Five years later, at Paris, chains were hung across the streets and lanterns suspended from them. Early in the present century the streets of London were lighted by in­ significant oil lamps, but they were still so dark that thieves flourished and rob­ beries were common at night. - The great advance in the matter of lighting public Btreets have been made within the last half century. Of the three substances almost exclusively used at present, viz: petroleum, gas, and electricity, in point of absolute econo­ my, the first named outranks the other two. Refined petroleum, at present low prices, and burned in vastly im­ proved lamps, has added much to the social and intellectual enjoyment of mankind. It has found its way around the world, so that in the solitudes of eastern deserts or among the jungles of Africa the travele* discovers its use for light. There were a few years after the v&ales became scarce in the Arctic Ocean, and oil from that source high in consequence, and prior to the advent of refined kerosene, that the gas com­ panies had the lighting field largely to themselves. Content with '• the large profits from the business that was forced to rely on them, very little progress was made either in improving the manufac­ ture or cheapening the price to con­ sumers. . * Chinese Business Methods. The Chinese merchants keep as full a set of books as our merchants do, and they do business on a smaller margin. They keep account of stock and daily sales, and I have seen some of their tedgers. The Peking banks have a clearing-house system. Each depositor has from hia banker a book with two columns, in one of which are entered his deposits, aud the other his drafts, he pays his creditors by checks on the bank and in the evening sends his book to be balanced. The next morning the clerks of the various banks get together, checks are interchanged, and the ac­ counts of fte various depositors are squared. These banks • are also ex­ pected to loan money to their depositers, and a man is supposed to have the right to draw on his bank for loans equal to double the amount of his average de­ posit. The disgrace of dishonored debt is such that a business man failing will hardly attempt to regain his standing in his own province, and dutiful sons often pay their father's debts. This is not so in Korea, and while I was visiting in Chemulpo, Mr. Townsend, the American merchant there, was ap­ proached by the profligate son of a Korean nobleman. The son wanted Mr. Townsend to acoept papers from him stating that Mr. Townsend had sold him goods to the amount of $3,000., "Then," said he, "you can take these papsrs to the old man and tell him you cannot collect the money and are going to have me whipped. He is fond of me' and will pay rather than the disgrace, rnd we will divide the proceeds." , Mr. Mr. Townsend, of course, refused, and sent the young man about his business. --Frank <?. Carpenter. «St!ck to llim, Jimmy!" Two brothers from the Emerald Isle purchased a piece of wooded land, and set to work to clear it up. After cutting down the large growths, and burning the underbrush, they proceeded to de­ vise a plan to get the fallen trunks to­ gether in a pile for the purpose of burn­ ing also. The land lay upon the side of a hill, and, if they could roll a large log which lay near the summit to a spot about halfway down, they thought they might pile the rest against it, and so effect their object. But how were they to prevent it, when lonce started, from rolling to the bottom, and so defeating their plan? To accomplish this they obtained a rope, and making one end fast to the log, one of them was to hold on the other end and so check the de­ scent of the log. Fearing that he might not be able to prevent the rope from slipping through his fingers, jimmy, who was to be the steersman, tied it to his body. "Start him aisy, Phelim," said he, when all was ready. Phelim did start him, and as the log commenced its progress the rope caught in a project­ ing knot, and began rapidly to wind up. It soon drew poor Jimmy close up. Birst he went over the log, and then the log went over him,^.aad so they continued their circumgyrations and somersaults. Phelim wrftched their progress for a moment, and then sung out--" Stick to him, Jimmy--faith you're a match for him, any way; you're atop half the when told that two Federal deserters I THE railroad man, like the pugilist, identified him ae a.. Union .aoldier, he ] does not like to get out of training. MEDICAL SUPERSTITIONS. Some Remarkably (Jnccr Fronch Vagaries i < of the Olden Times. A French writer named Challatnel has recently issued a book entitled "A i Bird's Eye View of France in the Middle ; Ages," in which he relates a number of medical superstitions current in France in the middle ages,most of ^rhich are said to prevail at the. present time also. In those days the French seem to have had unlimited faith in preservatives against diseases and infallible means of cure, and it may be added that they were not alone in their truthfulness. The follow­ ing are some of the superstitious prac- tioes mentioned; To cure fever they abstained from both flesh and oggs on Easter and on other high festivals; they caused a cab­ bage stolen for the purpose from a neighboring garden to be dried on a pot-hook; they wore one of a dead man's bones as an amulet; thoy inclosed a green frog in a bag and hung it to the siek person's neck; they ate the first Easter daisy that they found, and they received the benediction in three differ-* ent parishes on the same Sunday. While telling their beads they searched for a mullein-stalk and threw it to the wind; they passed through the cleft of a tree; they caused a horse to drink a bucketful of water, and then drank after him; they crossed a procession between the cross and the banner; they drank holy water on Easter eve or on the eve of Pentecost; they twined the hems of a shroud about their necks, and they drank three times of a mixture of water from three wells in a new pot. The peo­ ple of Proyenoe had their fisheries blessed on a certain saint's day. On Assumption day the people of Perigord went before sunrise, walking backward, to gather nine sprigs of centaury, which they fastened to a feverish person's neck, after which they gave him an in­ fusion of the herb to drink. A toad choked to death on the eve of St. John's day had the same virtue. It was com­ mon for a feverish patient to rise early in the morning and walk backward in a meadow, plucking a handful of herbs without turning or looking at them, then throw them behind him and keep on in his course without turning back; the result of this was that the fever at­ tacked the devil. Another practice was for the fevered person to drop a piece of money in a public place, with some mummery; whoever picked up the coin took the fever. The waters of several fountains cured fevers, and in particular the fountains De Krignac triumphed over tertians. To overcome fear one had only to stick pins in a dead man's shoe, carrying a wolfs tooth or5 eye about, or ride a boar. To banish rheumatism the sick person caused a miller or his wife to strike three blows with the /hammer, saying: "In nomine Patris," etc. Bathing the painful parts with the wa­ ter of the fountain of Montes caused the pain to cease. In Landes rheumat­ ics and paralytics were cured of ills by getting into certain openings, called etrines, in the pillars of a church. In Britany a child was protected against all diseases by having its shirt put on damp. The people of Perigord carefully preserved the ashes and embers of the yule log, which cures the maladies of both man and beast. In some districts, the butter made in May was kept as a vulnerary. Among the peasants of the Montagne-Noire a white-handled knife was an infallible remedy for cholic. Ep­ ilepsy was cured by attaching a crucifix nail to the patient's arm, or by causing him to wear a silver ring or a medal bearing the name Gaspar, Melchoir,and Balthasar. For warts there was a very simple specific--rubbing them with a wad of hair or of broom, and wrapping chick-peas or pebbles in a rag, which the person was to throw behind him on a road. Whoever had toothache touched the aching tooth with a dead person's tooth. ..o ... • The Irish Widow. "Ora my, but id's me that's toired out,1 this blesaid day, Mm. McGlag- gerty." "Faix'n ye luk toired, Mrs. Magoogin. Fwhat toired ye ?"_ v "Oi was out shoppin' wud Mrs. Van- derbilt," said the widow Magoogin, tossing her Titianesque head nonchal­ antly. "An' bad sesht to me but we wint iv'ryfwhere an' saw iv'rthin' au' bawt nothin' atif had the divil's own toime av id intoirly. D'ye moind, Mrs. McGlaggerty, id's not the dishtance we walked or the guff we gev the dhry goods clerks that gev iz the dose av lat- itood, as my Toozy sez, fwhin she wants to nxpress wariness be usin' a big noo wurrud that nobody knoos the mainin' av, but id's th' shtoylish shtoyle av walkin' that the ladles do be afther havin', that pit'me roight hip out av j'int an' wrinch'd the muscles av me boick, an til O'im achin' all over loike a purson that's bin, thrun down tin floights av shtairs an' nuver missed a wan av thim in comin' down. Be the tail av Paddy Hara's goat, but Oi'mi thinkin' that that noo walk '11 be the death av me av id lashts mooch longer. Did ye uver see id, Mrs. MoGlaggerty? Well, this is id: Ye shwing ver roight leg around as aff ye war goin' 'to turn sud- dintly into one av thim coffee shanties they have in Paris fur a shmall mug av beer fwhin nobody's lukin at ye, an' thin ye shrug up yer roight showldher an' shtick up yer shnout, an' poke out yer roight elbow, an' jis]it fwhin uv'ry- body thinks ye're goin' to fwhishk yer shkurts around an give thim a gintail razzle-dazzle ye kum up short-legged- loike wut th' other fut an' go roight shtraight along. Id's the foinest walk ye uver saw, Mrs. McGlaggerty, an' only/Oi shprained th® mubcles at me •boick' Di d show id to ye an' let ye'have a laugh at id. Oi calls it the hoigli- chuned wiggle-waggle, but my Tammy sez id's th' chippy fits and that tliegerls down in the Bow'ry belyow have had the same soort av shpasm^ fur the lasht six moonths.. Id's all the shtoyle , now an Fifth av'noo an' Broadway; but, be- gorra l'ds too much shtoyle fur Berdie Magoogin, fur O'm afeert Id'll bring an the sunburnt shpoiril magiimitios. Mrs. Yanderbilt wanted me to go callin' wud her to-moriy, but me legs that lame Oi had to siud her a silver-plate card, as they calls it in Frihch, aixing her to gichuse me an' Oid be uver so much obleged to her; an' she did so, tooty-frooty, which is also Fjinch, me friend, an' mains immejitly if not suner. Oh, yes, Oi'm flyin' very hoigh at pris- int, So Oi'm, Mrs. Magoogin, a&' Oi shuppbse O'll soon be havin* me name in the noospapers wudout gettin' ar- rhestid to have it done. Don t ye think Brought Thorn Out 1»" Section*. ^ One of our County physicians, who- lives at Tazewell, was called to tee a very tall gentleman who lives in the neighborhood of Brantly, and who was sick with the measles. On account of tho exceeding height of the man the dootor advised him to paint a ring around his body with iodyne and he would pro­ ceed to bring th© measles out -on one end at a time, a$ it would be im­ possible to accomplish the whole job at once. Our informant states that the ring was drawn and the measles brought out in sections.--Buena Vista (Ga.) Patriot. • The Court Ceremony of Loots XIY. When the King went to bed it was of the very highest importance that the first valet de chamber should unfasten his left garter, though we are not told whose duty it was to perform that office for the right one. The Qaeen in this respect, was more fortunate than her consort, as we are distinctly assured she was allowed to unfasten her own gar­ ters. To enchance'the effect of her reg­ ulations, it will be seen the King ar­ ranged that those officers who "came nearest his person should have the high­ est position and precedence. In prac­ tice these rules of etiquette had re­ sults contrary to all natural feeling as well as sentiment. For instance, the daughter of the King's brother, the Duke of Orleans, who married the Duke of Lorraine, «when she came to Versailles was never allowed to sit on anything higher than a footstool in the presence of her father and mother, though her mother was greatly attached to her. The sole object of all these rules was to augment the majesty of the King at the oost of the pride and standing of the no­ bility. The nobility had n6 option but to adopt them, and outwardly they adopted them cheerfully, for in some ways tbev pandered to their vanity, but behind the soenes they revenged them­ selves by publishing satires at the ex­ pense of the dispenser of all these favors. It is not surprising that in the days pre­ ceding the Revolution the liberal- minded members of the aristocracy threw themselves heart and soul into the new movement, which promised them enfranchisement from this loathsome weight of subjection. Nor can it be wondered at that Marie Antoinette, fresh from the rural simplicity of Schoenbrunn, should try to escape from her gilded prison at Versailles to the se­ clusion of Petit Trianon, where she could indulge in unconventional inter­ course with her friends. So lotig as this pompous and puerile folly was over­ shadowed by the military and personal' grandeur of Louis XIV., it was toler­ ated by public opinion; but under the levity of Louis XV., and the effeteness of his successor, it became unbearable and inexcusable. Yet again, the entire fabric of the French monarchy had be­ came so obsolete toward the end of the last century that its prestige rested only upon these trivial observances, and it sustained irreparable damage even from these acts of Marie Antoinette, which tended toward bringing royalty down to the level of ordinary mortality. The wastefulness of the court and the multiplicity of useless offices maintained down to the tinJe of Louis XVL, were another prime source of public discon­ tent and dissaffection. Among the mi­ nor offices established during the reign of Louis XIV., in the household of-the younger princes of the blood were, for instance, "four overseers for the roast meat," "one chafewax," "four barbers," "one doctor and two valets to the pages," "a captain of the greyhounds," and many others equally absurd, to which high salaries were attached, of course, at the cost of the country.--The Nine­ teenth Century. ' The Virtual Ruler of Canada. For many years Sir John A. Macdon- ald has been virtually the ruler of Can­ ada. He has had the ability and skill to keep his party in power, while all the provinces have remained or become liberal, pi believe his continuence is due to liis devotion to the national idea, to the development of the country,, to bold measures--like the urgency of the Canadian Pacific Railway construction-- for binding the provinces together and. promoting commercial activity. Canada is proud cf this, even while it counts its debt. Sit John is worshipped by his party, especially by the younger men, to whom hfa furnishes an ideal, as a statesman' of bold conceptions and cour­ age. He is disliked as a politician as cordially by the opposition, who attrib­ ute to him the same policy Of adven­ ture as was attributed to Beaconsfield. Personally he resombles that remarka­ ble man. Undoubtedly Sir John adds prudence to his knowledge of man, and his habit of never crossing a stream till he gets to it has gained him the sobri­ quet of "Old To-morrow." He is a man of the world as well as a man of affairs, with a wide and liberal literary taste.-- Charles Dudley Warner, in Harper's Magazine. Knew Their Really Sensitive Point. "They talk a great deal about the beautiful women of Baltimore," said the stranger in the Monumental City .is he leaned up against a lamp-post to rest himself. "This must be one of their days for staying in the house. I've walked all over this town to-day and I haven't seen half a dozen women that would be called good looking, even in Boston." The mob that quickly collected had fastened one end of a rope to the top of a lamp-post and was about to tie the other end around his neck when the stranger, with wonderful presence of -mind, remarked emphatically: "But there is one thing that I will say about Baltimore. It's the only place in the country where they know how to cook terrapin and canvas-back duck." In less than five minutes his arm had nearly been shaken off him by the wildly enthusiastic crowd, and -he had accepted a hundred invitations to din­ ner.--Chicago Tribune. . • New illustration. "Well, my little fellow," said a learned professor to a sucking philoso­ pher, whose mamma had been extolling his scientific knowledge, "what are the properties of heat?" "The chief property of heat is that it expands bodies, while cold contracts them." 1 • ' ' ^" • "Very good, indeed. Can yoil give me an example?" . . "Yes, sir. In summer, when it is hot, the day is long; while in winter, when the day is cold, it becomes very short." "Dear me!" said the professor, "I have been lecturing on this very sub­ ject for some years, but that is an jui- stance which, I confess, had never oc­ curred to me."--London Pick Me Up. MAGGIE--An' ye say I have stole the heart of yez, do ye? It's myself would liker to know whin it happened. Pat-- I'm thinkin' it was whin ye gev me the first kiss, Maggie darlin'. I do well re­ member that me heart was in me mouth at the time. _ MINISTER (dining with the family)^-- Bobby, I suppose when you grow UJD to be a man you will want to be an ear­ nest Christian, won't you? "Yes," if it doesnt interfere with being a, drum- majer." A. Dancing with tie United Kingdom* Dr. Shark is a gentleman who bo* Ueves in the rational treatment of pa­ tients in his private lubatia asylum. He gives them picnics in aummer and balls in winter aud plenty of amusement all the year round. Taking one consid­ eration with another I should imagine that lunacy, under these conditions, is rather a pleasantrthing. I always look forward to the dances he gives; for af­ ter considerable experience I have come to the conclusion that idiotic partners are rather less idiotic than the common­ place misses one meets with at ordinary balls. She was sitting in the corner of the ball-room toying with a fan--a largo and massive woman whom one would no more hav°i suspected of being insane than of being consumptive. I asked the doctor to introduce me, for I admire fine women. He did so, and I sat down beside her. We spoke of the weather, as new acquaintances will. She was perfectly rational on that point, at any rate. She thought it was appalling. I mentioned casually that I had been to Torquay for a brief holiday. "Do you know it?" I asked. "Oh, yes--th^re it is,she replied. I looked in the direction in which she pointed and saw a rather extensive foot incased in an irreproachable .dancing shoe. "That is the Land's End," she said, reflectively, indicating the place when the little toe of her right foot might be supposed to lie, "and that is the Lizard over there. I am the United Kingdom, you know," she added, with dignity. I bowed in silence. It was a colossal idea, and not to be comprehended all at once. , "That is the North Foreland dver there," she went on, tapping her lefts foot. "I have had some trouble with it lately; and oh," and her voice became quite plaintive, "I was so .afraid that they were going to take Ireland away from me," and she glanced affection­ ately at her left arm. I thought it better that we should join in the dance, for these geographical confidences threatened to become em­ barrassing. So I put my arm around the top of Lincolnshire and the base of Yorkshire, and as far into Lancashire as I could get (for her waist was more than eighteen inches), and we danced. "My ear is burning so; .1 am afraid there must be a storm on the coast of Aberdeenf were the last words I heard her say as I led her to a seat.--London Figaro. The Elevator Boy. In sufficiently sharp contrast to Peter was Dicky, who took his place, writes Arlo Bates in the Providence Journal. He came in time to be familiarly and appropriately known in the building as "The Imp," a sobriquet which ex­ pressed perfectly the variety of elevator boy he was. Dicky took a violent dis­ like to an Englishman who roomed at the top of the building because that in­ dividual persisted in speaking of "the lift." "This ain't no lift," Dicky would pro­ test with the greatest scorn. "This is a first-class elevator." "We call them lifts in England," the Englishman would reply with the air of one who feels that he has settled every­ thing. ' "Oh, they don't know any better there," Dicky would reply with bound­ less contempt; "but can't you learn nothing, now you're in a country whero you have a chance ?" This dialogue was gone through with pretty nearly literally, and then the En­ glishman reported to the authorities that Dicky was impudent. The story was too hopelessly probable on the face of it to be doubted, and the imp was given his dismissal. On the last day of his service the Englishman came into the hall just as the elevator door closed. He sprang forward, but Dicky twitohed at the rope, and the elevator rose to the level of the first floor. "Come back here you confounded imp/' roared the Englishman, whose temper was by no means of the best. To the surprise of those in the car Dicky obeyed and ran down until his face was on a level with that of the speaker on the other side of the wire- latticed door. "The elevator ain't allowed to come back for ncbody after its got to the first floor," he stud with 'a malicious grin, and away ho shot with his load, leaving his enemy to fame and fret as he chose. Machine and Hand-Made Watches. The two rival -methods of machine and hand work have both received great impetus in Switzerland during the past few years. Though American competi­ tion has put the Swiss on their mettle and obliged them to introduce improve­ ments in ail branches of the craft, there still remains two distinct methods of manufacture. The French speaking pop­ ulation are generally bound to the hand system, and all their progress has been along the line of perfecting the watch­ maker, while, to a great extent, the American machine system has been adopted by the German speaking can­ tons. From a general point of view, says Jewelers' Circular, it must be ad­ mitted that while machinery has vastly cheapened the cost of production, and at the same time preserved a good de­ gree of accuracy in the essential qual­ ities of a timepiece, the part the skilled watchmaker plays in the perfecting of fine watches has not and probably can­ not be filled by any labor-saving device. Both methods have produced good re­ sults ; the one by affording a serviceable article at a low price, and the other by attaining to a grade of excellence nearly, if not quite, commensurate with the higher price a more expensive process entails. t ^ , Niagara Beaten. New Zealand, already known as the "wonder land of the world," has just revealed another great natural curiosity that will make Brother" Jonathan turn green with envy when he comes to hfear of it. An Australian mail brings news that a surviving party, employed in mapping out the wild and hitherto al­ most inaccessible regions on the mount­ ainous west coast of New Zealand, dis­ covered a waterfall nearly three thou­ sand feet in height. This knocks Niagara into a cocked hat, and, if thb news is verified, New Zealand can claim possession of the loftiest cataract on this sublunary sphere. Not Good as Collateral. Impecunious Southerner--Say, Uls­ ter, your sign says that you advance money on titles. New York Land Agent--Certainly, sir; where is your land situated? Land be blowed! My title is Gen. Buford St. Clair. How much do you loan on that sort of a title ?--Texas Siftings. j "IN the hands of men entirely great the pen Js mightier than the sword." It is the same way with a parasol in- the hands of a woiw^# stop a horsa- car. SAUCE FOB THE GLOOMY. MIGHT often makes right about faca. A PATCH on a boy's trousers is some­ thing new under the son. , Ir a detective wants to catch a cohl he can get a clew by sitting in a draft. WOMEN are not usually as strong^ minded as men, but they possess greM stay-ing qualities. !'• CATS can be classed among the con­ templative animals. At least they mew* most of the nights* TRAIN robbers seldom rob railroads of their directors and presidents. Thejjr steal valuables when they steal. "TELL me, is your Wife curious# "She? I really believe she came in# the world only out of pure curiosity." WHAT a queer thing it is that a matt can never catch so much cold that lie can't catcji some more.--Oil City zard. '• ' * i WHEN a modern youth becomes eal* seonsed in a street car the ladies dis­ cover that he doesn't belong to the ri#> ing generation. » A CHICAGO woman has married a ifotned Nail. It is easy to see who wj|$ be master in that family. No wom^fc" can drive a Nail. " > EVA--But how can I go to the baH dear? I have positively nothing to wear. Clara--Ydu might go as Evjfc dear, or Lady Godiva. MKS. WILLEB--They say an man considers his wife about an a level with his dog. Mrs. Biller--I wish % had married an Englishman. f ' IT is, alas! the life insurance agei^fc' who says most heartily and enthusia$* tically to his customer, "I am delighted to see you looking so well, sir." t v FIRST Bohemian (pensively, over hjg logwood and water)--After all, deajr boy, life is a dream. Se<pdnd Bohemia# --Yes; and the trouble"2 is, we only gift the nightmare part of it. MKS. TOPPLOFT--Do you ever hav$ any trouble in getting money from your husband? Mrs. Oleboy--None in thp least, I accuse him every once in It- while of talking in his sleep. / EASTERNER--I understand that tlio great land boom of Dugout City haa collapsed. Westerner---Yes; no use keepin' it goin' any longer. All thai land now is owned by outsiders. A WOMAN in New York State, who ink dulges in naps of twenty days' duration, is said to have once lived in the family of a New York policeman. We didx& suppose it was so oontagious.-^2Vrorrtjfr town Herald. . sU PUBLISHER--Oh, yes, indeed. Money can be made in literature. Why, sir, I never saw women live more luxuriously than Miss Braddon and Miss Mulock. Poor Author (sadly)--Y-e-s, but thajr married their publishers. t MRS. SOCIETY--Have you invited all of your and your husband's gentlemen friends? Mrs. De Fashion--All of mine, but none of my husband's. If »I should invite his he would miss them at the olub and feel -lonely, poor dear. BOSTON Dame--My dear, where ate you going? Cultured daughter--To Prof. Drybones's lecture on "Bacillus Lacterium Nonestibustibus." Miss Backbay is to be there, and I hear stya> has just got a new bonnet from Paris. FAMILY meatman--I understand, Mp, Smith, that your eldest daughter wis married yesterday. Permit me to tender my congratulations. Smiths Thanks; if you would do the some by your meat, however, it would be moil gratifying. J " "I SEE that Waters has sold out his' milk business," said Simplfins to his wife. "Is that so? When did he do that?" "Yesterday." . "Has he gone out of the business entirely?" "No; he still holds a controlling interest in the Tuckahoe Chalk Beds. BJENKINS--How are you getting with your iiew typewriter, Bjone«? Bjones--First rate, old man, thank you, first rate. Why, I've only been prac­ ticing a month now and I can write'* letter nearly half has last on the mi|^ chine as I can with a pen. "SEND me all the dresses a woman has worn in the course of her life and I will write her biography from them," says a philosopher. We don't believe it. That chap evidently intends to start a second-hand clothing shop and wants to get his stock for nothing. WIPE (to husband who has been out between the acts)--Did you see the man, John? Husband--O, yes, I (hie) saw him. Wife--Is he a nice man? Husband--Nice man! Certainly; whj do you ask that? Wife--O, nothing, it only occurred to me that you must have been talking to a hard drinker. - COAL dealer--They know how muek this bin. holds. Ill L ake nothing on this job. Pat, just put some of thoBe boxes in upside down. That'l help fill up. Assistant--But isn't that the Bame as stealing? Coal dealer--Of course not. -They'll find them again in the Spring. HE--Do yon know, Miss Lily, thg| your personality weminds me vividly of the flower you are named after ? She (who goes in tremendously for botany) --Indeed 1 And do you know, Mp. Gilly, that when you flatter one lite this you also remind me of a flower-- of the genus Leontodon Taraxacum? He (delighted)--Naw! you don't weally mean it! What flower, may I ask? She (softly)--The dandy-lyin'I He-- Gad! BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAQ^, ^ were a very pleasing pair ^ ^ J- ^ ,'j^ I met upon the street-; , Her form was good, her face And his attire was neat; j,.-; ^ - Thoy walked so t^ose no ray, I wan, *. Electrical could pass between, - r- k Sfcey slowly, ailently strolled His left arm was in sight; he a soldier true, thought I, . • And did he lose hie right ? X turned and there, by contrast t Hie right arm lay about her walat. This pair quite differently would walk I t they should ever wed; She'd go unaided and he'd stalk About three steps ahead. •• v , While rays electrical, I waen, Would find clear passageway betWiia. >--Columbus Dispa tch. 0 , The Law's Inconsistency.: , Hrr'^Toodle--Wall, it do beat ^ liot the laws work, one upsettin' another right along. 4 •' Friend--Wah's wrong now? "Wall, there ain't much that isnt wrong. Here I've been makin' a goo<| livin' as a juryman for years and yeata all because I don't read the papers an* ain't got no 'pinions, ye know." \ "You can't read." "No; never learned. Wall, now I sOi great store on that there son o* mine, an' wanted to bring him up for a juryman, * too, but hang me ef they ain't talkin "bout laws ter make every boy go ter school. Where's the, jurymen goin' ter come from in the next gineratiou? That's wot beats me."--Philad^lph^ ^ Record. • •*- WHEN Neptune tires of beini rate he brings on groggy soon gets half seas over. £# . 1 •M 14* • • t.., JL.*. .. , t ,> 3 I.. ../..i. * w:.. 2..71 1 ' A.

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