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* . 'M ;*:r : All ORTHODOX MAS. Wo*»Wn't Glv«s th« L%h!nittff A»y »* J • *„ Chance lo Co Bimiq«ss. A man wearing the evidences of a tire- jpvrney dismounted from a jaded , l»Oif#.at the dflor of a cabin near the Ar- ijWlflw line of the Indian Territory, and, tfpealdng to an old fellow who advanced to meet him, said: ' 1 "My friend, I am worn out and am Si: Irangiy. Can you give me shelter and something to eat?" The old fellow picked np a wood tick ^ «ut of his w hiskera, and looking at it, . V answered: •• o "I dnnno 'zaeklv, bat we mout, as u- tleli thinga have been di<L Whut's yo' {• same?" t . * "Marens White." > "Ali, hah! Tlxey call yon Mark, I Beckon f* . "Yes." h7l "Wall, ipyname, is Matthew, an' I've §*ot a son named Luke and one named Jobs, All 57 ns tprirflih?r wnnM make / , a* sort of gospel team, wt/ulda't we?" ' "Yes," said Mr. White, mniling, "but jt • the question now is, can I find aecom- ttodation here?" f. "Hitch yo' horse an' come in, an' we'll ,aee about it." " When White went into the house a : lfliranken woman, mumbling over her "" knitting, made room for him by shoving """ ^ack her ohnir -without getting up, and ; .a. jute-haired chid, with a hunk of corn mead in it« hand, scrambled under the •bed. "Set down, Mr. Mark," 'said old Matthew. "Tildy, (addressing his wife) ou mont hussle around now an1 git this here hongry man suthin' ter eat, You mout go out thar an' kill that old lien that's been a-settin' fur two weeks oil them pieces uv brickbats. Bile her long enough an' I reckon we ken chaw Jier." ' The woman wiped her nose on her Spitting and went out, and pretty soon I.^fjpiere arose the distressing cry of an old "Mr. Mark," said old Matthew, "you | ; • i^re religion* I hope."* P "Yes, I try to be." i/>' 4 ter hear it, for nobody but re­ ligious folks can claim anything offen me. You believe that Aaron made a steei* ohten gold, don't you ?" v , ^Yes, a calf." ' ; ' £.• "Air you shore it was a oaf?" % <\ 5 ? " I a m q u i t e s u r e . " . . v * ; * "Wall, then, we won't argy. All I „ *ant is ter settle the fack uv yo' belief, far, ez I tell you, I am a religious man, dyed in the wool an' baptized in the leathers. You believe- that old 'Lisha mm: the he-bears eat up forty "They were she bears." ft,i "Air you certain about that JStnt'?" sV J "Yes, I am positive." 14V 1 "Wall, it don't make no diffunce so long as you believe it. Now, lemme , sfee. It's mfr habit, you understand, to Investigate these things. I wouldn't ( let a inferdel stay in my house five minutes, if I knowed it, fur nothin' in the world. You believe that Moses sjilit the sea, don't you?" - ^• K - "Yes." - rlf "Glad--glad to know th**? yon a Christian gentleman. But l" hear my boys Luke and John a-con^in.' They've j . been over inter Bueksnort County ter **•... settle a little diffikelty." ~ When the boys, two gaunt fellows, • came into the room the old man said: "Boys, this is Mr. Mark. Set down thar, an' tell me how the thing come out. Did you find old man Bender?" •;;; "Yas suh," said one of the boys. . "Whut did you do with him?" "Tied him ter a tree." "Good! .Then what did you do?" "We cut some hiokories an' whipped v " Good!" the old man exclaimed. "Did lie howl?" ^ "Bawled like er cow," * •! "Good!'How many did you Hit him?" "Fifty." "Fustrate. Then what; J ; "We left him tied thar. iV. >, "Fustrate, Mr. Mark," lis Speaking to the guest, "that oughter teach him a lesson." "What had he done to deserve such banishment?" ; "Oh, he sued me for a saddle I borrid irom him. Left him tied, eh? Fus- fwte!" : They continued to talk, and the odor of the boiling hen floated into the room. A gathering cloud which all day had been making threats burst into a down- v." pour of rain. ^ "Mr. Mark,* said the host, "I winter sot you another question. We must have a little liberality, yoo know, ez well ez beliet Do you bl'eve that Adam was made out^r dust?" *• - "Well, strictly speaking I do not." "What! don't believe that Adam was % " Made outer dust ?" "» V ' "To tell you the truth, I do not." "Well, then, git outer this house right -smart; get right out." ^ - "My dear sir, this rainstorm " ? "Git out (springing to his feet) or HI lurt you. I don't want the lightnin' ter strike my house jest because F inferdel here. Git out" r; "Won't you give me a piece of that » <olricken, please?" •~<r "Not a speck. I ain't gwine to give tiie lightnin' the slighest excuse for business. No inferdel harbored here. • .Git!" . Mr. Marcus White rode iuto the •torm.--Arkanxaic Traveler. An Unpopular King. ' The subjects of the King of the Hetherlandis are justly indignant at the sonduct of their royal master. He was in a dying condition. The undertaker called at the palace and took the meas­ ure of the august personage. The doctors were unanimous that his Royal Highness was as good as dead. When a king dies in Europe it is a Wrious matter to all his subjects. In this case more than half of the well-to- do families invested largely in the heavy bereavement and mitigated affliction de­ partments of the dry-goods stores. Im­ mense quantities of black cloth were rchased in which to swaddle the pub-buildings. Just at this crisis the King got well mentally and physically. His faithfed subjects had to stop working the pump- handle of their emotions, and go down into their garments for money to buy fireworks to celebrate the recovery of their lord and master. The conse­ quence is they are much more de- Sessed, financially and otherwise, than ey would have been if the worst had b&ppened. What that King needs is a couple of Sew York doctors like those who at­ tended Bishop, the mind reader. They would have seen to it that the King did not come to again.--Te.ran Riflings. 've got a Frank and Manly Apology. v '• We apologize for mistakes made in all former issues and sav that they were in­ excusable, as all an editor has to do is to hunt news, and clean the rollers, and 1st type, and sweep the floor, and pen s|wrVit«D^, and fold papers, sad write wrappers, and make the paste, and maM the papers, and talk to visitors, and distribute type, carry water, and saw wood, and read the proofs, and correct the mistakes, and hunt the shears to write editorials, and dodge the bills, and dun delinquents, and take cursings from the whole force, and tell sub­ scribers that we need monev. We say that we've no business to make mis- tekes while attending to these little matters, and getting our living on gopher-tail soup flavored with imagina­ tion, and wearing old shoes and no col­ lar, and a patch on our pants, obliged to turn a smiling countenance to the man who tells us our paper isn't worth $1 anyhow, and that he could make a better one with his eyes Rapids (Minn.) Sentinel. An En^lishmau. v " A gentleman to whom the editor was recently introduced, Mr. X. by name, riade himself entertaining lw tswatintr the story of an adventure he had had on the New York traiu. He is a member of a prominent steel firm here, and one of the salesmen being ill at a time when the house was anxious to secure a par* ticular order, Mr. X. started out him­ self with a case of samples, in true com- Mf rcial traveler style. As he got into the train the brakeman informed him there was an cscur sion thai day, and it was doubtful if he could get a seat. Mr. X. went on, and found the cars literally packed, so that even the aisles wore full. He noticed, however, that in one seat sat an En- gli hraaU, who had piitjd up his luggage to cccapy the vacant place. "Is this seat taken?" asked Mr. X. when with some difficulty he had madq his way to the man. . The Englishman looked up with true British insolence. , • "Cawn't ye see that it is?" he re­ sponded. Mr. X. replied by ooolly sweeping all the foreigner's belongings to the floor, and possessing himself of the place thus m%de vacant. He took a book from his pocket and began to read, while his seat mate stared out of. the window, ap­ parently not in the best humor. The volume chanced to be "Pickwick Pa­ pers," and as he read, Mr. X. from time to time chadded appreciately at what he read. "Well, now, what are ye laughing at?" the Englishman suddenly de­ manded, turning to the other, "What are you reading ?" " 'Pickwick Papers'" replied his com­ panion, regarding the question as an overture of peace. "Humph!", responded the English­ man. "Dickens. He was a fool,, ye know." "He had the misfortune to be an En­ glishman," was Mr. X,'s conciliatory re­ ply- "Now what is that?" asked the for­ eigner, .catching sight of the chestnut ease in the other's lap. , . " That is my case of samples." "Of samples?" repeated his com­ panion, with the utmost contempt. Then you are nothing but a bagman?" "What is a bagman ?" "Why, ye are, ye know, if ye sells things by samples." "I'd have you understand," replied Mr. X., affecting a good deal of the, spreadeagle air for the occasion, "that I am a commercial traveler, and more than that that I am an American, and that makes it a good deal of condescen­ sion on my part to sit in the same car with the slave of an English aristo­ cracy." He flourished a bit in this style, and wound up by saying: "The meanest citizen of this free country is above an Englishman, be­ cause we are free and equal here." At this moment the train drew into a station, and among those who entered the car was an enormous colored wo­ man with a bundle in her arms which corresponded in dimensions to her own portliness. Mr. X. recognized his op­ portunity. He rose in his place aud beckoned to the old woman, who swept her way through tne crowd with pon­ derous swayings and lurchings. "Here, aunty," he said, "here is a seat land pleasant company." "Bless yer, honey," chuckled the gigantic old woman, "Fee a good deal sot on company any time. Set over dar, honey," she* continued, addressing the Englishman. "Dar ain't no 'casion to look at me dat yer way. Set along." And she sat down with a pervading- ness which nearly annihilated the un­ fortunate Britisher, who gasped, strug­ gled, and in the end was forced to aban­ don his position altogether.--Boston Courier. A Famous Minstrel Manager. CoL Jack Haverly, formerly of the universe, but lata of the richest mines of Colorado and Mexico, still liners in .Kansas City, because he says that there couldn't be a better place to live and because he Juts business interests here. He said last night: "I am not sorry just now that I am not managing a minstrel aggregation, or for that matter that I am not in the show business. I am happier as I stand. As Haverly, the greatest .minstrel manager on earth, as the show bills have had it, I made and lost seven fortunes--just seven. I am now working at mining interests to make the eighth, and I am going to win. The reason I am not sorry I am not conducting a minstrel company is that minstrelsy is just about played out. I sell my name to Harry Cleveland for his minstrel party, and he is making money, but he is an exception. The cause of the decline of the minstrel business is easily explained. There was a time when the negro dialect and the old plantation songs were interest­ ing to the world because they were comparatively • new. That was in the days when the negro had not come among us from his hut in the South into daily contact with us. Now he is here and we see and hear him as he is. We hear his dialect and we hear his melodies, and there is no minstrel on earth who can interest us in mimicking or burlesquing his talks and songs. This explains why the minstrel com­ panies of to-day are compelled to resort to all sorts of specialties to attract at­ tention. The minstrel show is fast passing from the earth."--Kansas City Times. • / ••; Her Only Hope. , ? ^ The proprietor of a "matr$&6nfi3 Es­ tablishment" in Europe was one day Visited by a lady of such extreme plain­ ness that he was at first aghast. He managed, however, to collect himself and assume his usually courteous man­ ner. The lady proceeded to state that she had a considerable fortune, but that, from some unaccountable reason, she had been unable to find a husband to her liking. She ended by asking: "Now, don't you think you could find me a good party, sir?" "Ah, yes, madam!" said the sgent, very politely. "There's no telling. There may be a blind maa jaatany moment." GARFIELD DgRD ALOftE. Sii>ii;?y- • The Story of Dan Sprig, Who IVa* the Pmtd«nl'« Body Srmat Daniel Sprig is a middle-aged colored man who used to be Gen. Garfield's body servant when he was in congress and went to Mentor with the president­ elect,' and returned with him to the White House in 1881 to be his body-ser- vant there. He likes to sit on the bench on the south side of the White House these sunny Sundays, says a Washington let­ ter to the New York Press, and tell about the death of his old master. He likes to tell about it because he has never seen it in print. One fact in con­ nection with the death of Garfield, in­ deed, has never been printed. When it was decided to move the victim of Gui- teau to the sea-shore Dan went to El- bernon with the party. He was a very useful member of the family and had to be taken along. It was not expected by the physicians that the death of the President would come so suddenly. For an hour or two during his last day they sat on the piazza of the cottage looking out over the Atlantic and talking about the news of the day. Daniel Sprig had been left alone at the bedside of the sick man. Mrs. Garfield was up stairs. Dfinio! grew tired of his lonely vigil and stepped out upon the piazza him­ self to take an airing for a few minutes and relieve himself of the monotony of the bed-clif,ruber. It seemed to him, as it did to the physicians, that' the Presi­ dent was in no immediate danger. Dan­ iel staid out of the room probably half an hour, but near enough so that he could be called upon in case of the slightest disturbance inside. When he went back to the rooigt he did not at first notice that the face of the sick man was changed In any way; then he thought it looked white. Upon a closer examination he was sure of it. He put his hand over the heart of his master. It had stopped beating. In the wildest alarm he rushed not out upon the piazza to the physicians, but up-stairs to Mrs. Garfield. She dis­ patched Dan at once to the veranda to bring the doctors in. They had been sitting there thoughtlessly and were the more frightened on that account. They rushed in. -The President was indeed dead. Not only had his heart stopped beating, but his face was that of a corpse in a coffin. What added to their terror was the fact that the Presi­ dent had died while they were absent and without their knowledge. They had no means by which they could be sure of determining how long he had been dead when thev discovered him. The matter was huslied up. Nothing was ever permitted to escape that im­ mediate circle about it and the world never knew that the death of the mar­ tyred President was ever marred by any such accident. Daniel Sprig tells this story now and then with every circumstance put in. He is still a useful employe at the Wlute House. He blacks boots and, un­ til Gen. Harrison brought on a colored servant with him from Indianapolis, at­ tended to the personal wants of the President Everybody who knows him says he is veracious and believes his story about the death of Garfield. * Queer Questions.* Centuries ago Samson proposed a riddle--the earliest of which history treats--to the Philistines, allowing them a week in which to answer it, a length of time that would have been in­ sufficient but tor the assistance of Sam- sonV wife. • - Hiram, King of Tyre, had a mania for constructing riddles, as also had Solo­ mon, and the wager of an immense sum of money between the two as to which could construct the most perplexing one was won by the latter. Archimedes, the famous mathemati­ cian of Syracuse,'passed most of ^his leisure--to the surprise of many ofiliis friends-- in the production or solving of puzzles, and his discovery of how much alloy its maker had mixed with the gold in King Hero's crown was nothing but the solution of a puzzle. iPhe Greeks had a curious puzzle. "If Achilles, racing with a turtle, gives the reptile 100 yards' start and runs ten yards while the turtle runs one, when will he overtake it?" Theoretically, never; as a matter of fact, he must in the course of time. A very perplexing question, one well calculated to cateh the wise as well as the un wary, was that proposed to the Boman Senate: "Why does a pail of water, with a fish swimming in it, weigh no more than the same pail of water without the fish?" It called forth much discussion from the members of that august body; who explained the singular circumstance in different ways to their entire satisfao-. tion, but found, by experiment, that the pail of water did weigh more when there was a live fish in it. A precisely similar story is related in connection with the Royal Society of London. In this case one of the Georges, when Prince of Wales, pro­ posed the puzzliug question: An excellent, if an old, puzzle is: How can a window, having s height equal to its width, be made twice as large without increasing its height or width? Impossible? Oh, no! In the first instance it is shaped like a dia­ mond, then it is changed to a square. " Bachet, a French writer, furnishes the following: Half of a ship's crew, consisting of thirty persons--Christians and Turks in equal numbers--were to be thrown overboard during a gale. They con­ sented to being placed in a row and every ninth person should be -sacrificed, counting from the first in the row, round and round again. It was desired to so place them that no Christian should be a victim, and the result was obtained by arranging them thus: 4 C.,5 T.,2 C.,1 T.,3 C.,1 T.,1 C.,2 T., 2 C., 3 T., 1 C., 2 T., 2 C., 1 T.--Xetv York World. .. 7 - .bilplmg in his own sra Hwua wisu to go to the theW&>r will be bright gnettt be opens its door: chamber. During the the gas is Bhut off, and enee results. A pretty alarm this is, too, for nothing a sleeper sooner than gas electrician who does work for me is ex perimenting with an arrangemen pneumatic or electrical, whereby t, mail-carrier can shoot mail from t front hall to the various private halj How's that?"--Boston Globe. A Hale That Objected to Being rowed. "Speaking of hoss thieves," sail old farmer as h$ leaned back \i chuckle, "but I've had two or 1 funny experiences with them. five years ago I had a valuabl< and I had to work all kinds of tri prevent liia beiug stolen. One . feller came along in a buggy, pretend ing he wanted to buy a farm, and h». made two or three moves around tjlit, stable which satisfied me that he wa< spotting the hass. I wasn't feeling well and couldn't stay up all night to act as guard, and so 1 put my hoss in a neigh bor's barn and brought his mule ov©i to my st able. That mule was the worst kicker on top of the earth, and I knew there'd be fun if a visitor appeared. On the fourth morning I went out to find the would-be purchaser of my farm ly­ ing under a alied in the barn yard i with a broken leg and a scalp wound. ] "'Hello?'says I; 'what's happened?' 1 "'Robbers,' says be. 'They attacked me just at your gate, and I think I'm badly hurt.' "'But you didn't holler.' "'Oh, no. I didn't want to disturb your rest.' "'Did thgy hit you?' "'Yes. They strttdk me with s sand club.' "'Was that club stuffed with hair?' says I, as I plucked a tuft of mule's hair off his shirt front. "'I think not,' says be, oool as a cow- cumber. 'I think 1 got that off the beast in there.' "'But what were you doing in my stable?' " 'I thought Td borrow your horse and try to get to a surgeon's without dis­ turbing you, but as he objected to being borrowed I gave up the idea. Now, my friend, here's $40 for the trouble I'm going to be to you. Please hitch up and drive me to" t»tift, where I <jKn be taken care of.' "And you did it?" / . "Sartinly. I alius like to oblige, and them $40 jist paid my taxes." "What became of the man?" - "Lay on his back in town for couple of months, and was then shipped off East. I saw him the day before he went, and asked him if he calkerlated on hunting down the highwaymen who had attacked him that night in front of my house. " 'I'm afeared I couldn't indentify 'em even we if Ave get the guilty parties,' he answered, as he handed over another ten, aud sort o' dodged as if expectin' that ole mule to let fly agair.," - • Artemus Ward's Humor* I have met and heard many profes­ sional humorists, but none, off or on the stage, could equal Artemus Ward says a writer of the Musical Journal. His appearance was<4uaink He looked like a smaller Hartley Campbell. His manner was supernaturally grave and earnest. His fun was not in his mis­ spelling, it was in the apparently un­ conscious association Oi the most incon­ gruous ideas. The humor was not spontaneous. He labored over every word until he had it just right, and then committed it to papef or memory, and never varied it. One of his rules was always to make his joke plain and clear to his audience. An­ other was to wait for the laugh. Some­ times the audience would not see the fun. He told me that the greatest compliment he had ever received was from a stranger stopping at the Bame hotel, who asked him ^whether he had been to hear that bellow, Artemus Ward, lecture*. "No," said Artemus, "halve you? What do you think of him?" "Why, he is the blamedest fo61 I ever saw. I just sat there and roared to hear him make such a show of him­ self. I wouldn't h ave missed it for $10. '* At his first lecture in New York the audience did not know what to make of him. He seemed so nervous; fidgeted about so; lost his place, never s aid a word about the advertised subject of his lecture, "Call me pet names, love, call me a bird," he murmered, "and I called her a boiled owL" Than he waited for the laugh. It came very slowly; first a solitary snicker; then a solitary chuckle. "When I said that in Chicago," continued Artemus gravely, "I had to go before a justice of the peace and take my solemn affidavit that a boiled owl was a bird before one of them oould catch the point." Then everybody roared. New Yorkere were not going to be duller Chioago- CiOOi Did you ever stop to think of the vast amount of good literature (riven away in this country? This inquiry is suggested by a tow fnots relative to til's books, e!< eulars, •Sc., Issued by the proprietor?- of the well- known medicine, HooasSarsapartila. Over 12,000,000 copies of cook books have beau circulated within a few years by this con­ cern. Hood's book of parlor games has also contributed to the enjoyment of per­ haps millions of people, as four or five lions of the boojes have been published, w book of home-made candies, also by the famous Loweti medicine , has been in great demand the past ?. Thousands of Hood's plaeqnes decorateQ as many homes, and the aritr of Hood's Calendar is !-ometliing srfuL In all, the annual output by ®ood & Co. reaches the enormous itlty of 65.000.00J pieces, or one for ~ man, woman, and child in the united may be said that they wouldn't do this didn't pay. That !s just tho point. The prletors of this medicine cannot afford be purely philanthropic, and they eer- Snly cannot afford to advertise a poor ar- tsSe. There must be merit in the medicine „ • eware the continued increasing sale Which it has, and also to warrant expend­ ing such a vast «mount of money for the purpose of spreading its fame in territory where Hood's Sarsapariila is unknown. No amount, of advertising can long sustain an article devoid of merit. The numerous tes­ timonials show conclusively that thousands of people have been benefited by Hood's Sarsaparilla, and no one can deny that a great deal of good has also been done bv this high class ot advertising.--HtUfalfe tJE Y.) Express. Latest Wrinkles in Softer. "I don't believe that the public know the latest wrinkles that are being intro­ duced into apartment houses," said a builder to a Globe man recently. "Electricity is back of most of these wrinkles. I have recently completed an apartment hotel in which the elec­ trical apparatus is so complete that when, at night, presuming it is after 10 and the lights are out, yon open the front door of the main hall, every jet in the main hall blazes up, and the gayest old reveller that ever lived can make his way up stairs and find the keyhole to his suite. You may say that a revel­ ler's greatest difficulty would be in find­ ing the keyhole to the door of the main hall. Well, in the house I have just finished the gas in the outer hall burns all night, so that objection is overcome. Now the reveller is suppose to be at his own suite door. Opening it he touches a button outside and the hall gas goes out, and the movement whereby he opens his own suite door sets the gas Queer Find of Heaej. A remarkable discovery has been made at tbe Cathays Yard of the Taff- vale Railway Company, says the Glas­ gow Herald. A large elm tree grown in Gloucestershire was being cut up into timber, wheu right in the very heart a cavity measuring eight feet seven and one-half inches in diamater was discovered almost completely filled with the comb of the honey bee to­ gether with a squirrel's skull. No means of access to the hollow was dis­ coverable, neither was decay anywhere apparent, and around the cavity itself no less than fifty "rings," each ring denoting a year's growth, were counted, the outer bark being too without a flaw. The hollow was of uniform size through­ out and presented the appearance of having been bored with an auger, and, great though its dimensions were, it was practically filled with the comb, proving that the bees must have been in possesion for several years. Empty combs of the queen bee also showed that they had swarmed. E(ow the bees got there can only be guessed, but is surmised that a squirrel once occupied a decayad hole in the tree, cleared away the decay occupied the cavity as its home, and there died. Then the bees entered into possession and filled the hole with comb, when by some means the entrance, which must have been small, became stopped, the large quantity of grub and fly being taken as demonstrative that the nest was not voluntarily deserted. Then for fifty years the growth of the timber went on. The entrance being absolutely obliterated and the hole being hermeti­ cally sealed, the comb was preserved from decay for half a century, to be found at last in the way described. The find is of. great interest to naturalists. ana yet true thai sickness'often lurks in well water. ' "Winchester Nellie's" Exploits. Santa Clara camp almunds in Strongly marked individualities and notable life histories. -One of the most striking figures here is that of a tall, graceful girl, known as ^Win Chester Nellie," from the remarkable ability with which she handles a Winchester rifle, being by all odds the best shot With that weapon in camp. There is a mystery about Nell that nobody has yet been able to fathom. She is, ap­ parently, about twenty-three years of Me, and she gives her name as Nellie Smith; but when questioned as to her former home, her antecedents, and the whereabouts of her parents she reso­ lutely declines to answer. She has staked off a claim, and is working it with excellent results. She has the respect of _ ever j man in camp, and is made a friend and companion by all the best women. There is not a miner here who would dare to offer the slightest familiarity to Nell, for there is an indescribable something in her manner which tells one instinctively that it would be dangerous to presume upon its frank cordiality. OrwtHt Pathlm Omm, Athwwt VMt continent* travwiil by Iron thoroughfares, many-armed like the fabled Briar*ub, myriads set forth daily to encounter the vicissitudes of travel, change of climate, un­ accustomed food, and an atmosphere possibly miaamatio, yet with a calm confidence that their health *111 be preserved. When this con­ fidence is based upon the possession of tin su­ preme medicinal defense, Hostetter'a Stomach Bitters, It Is Indeed well founded, otherwise not. Brackish water, bad food, the wearying Mid oth­ er bad effects of railroad jolting, sea sickness and nervousness, aggravated by a journey and its attendant discomforts, are shorn of their pernicious influence by this sterling alterative, pacifier and compensating medicine, invaluable for dyspepsia, feebleness, nervousness, consti­ pation, malarial disorders, rheumatism and kid­ ney complaints. Burmese Marriage* > The Burmese marriage is a very simple affair. It consists ordinarily o| the eating of rice together in the pres­ ence of friends <tnd of .saying that the two propose to live together as man and wife. The matches are eometimes made by tho parents and sometimes by professional match-makers. The most common method, however, is by the young people fixing the arrangement for themselves and carrying on their billing and cooing the same as we do at home. The .Burmese groom fur­ nishes the wedding breakfast, htid he carries it to the house of the bride. After the marriage rice is thrown after the couple as they go to the bridal chamber and they are expected to pass seven days in seclusion, though this is not common. The newly married pair live with the bride's parents for several years at least, and in case lhat one of these parents dies the other be­ comes an inmate of the family for life­ time. It is presumptuous for a yourg man to set up housekeeping immedi­ ately «after marriage, and he is sup­ posed to work for a certain time for his wife. IT will be said of Sitting Bull after his departure that, outside of his fire­ water. ho was never made to pull in his horns.--Judge. ; \ ip.Arith b«od, etc.. tborooffhl* t by rntill free. BRTA.XT'H SIKNTIOfl THIS PArCK'WM.. tamw' MENTION Tim FA OS THIS r«ru 5-jacobs Qll Cbjrojti io NeturaJgia* JPttnmanent Ca: et: . J*»- 11. JUST. . Ik&m4 » Uai with ••uml#* !a tte miMTirnm, miw.i--H)M*st»8nH8„M». Cure*. • OotoW IT. 1(M. _ w« p*r*lrmi trea amzalft*; oaaM W* waft a nn; X keaght St. Jambs Oil; sAtr «m "5 walks* atat: iwti--4 ass • trsj-toWyeawiSw. • JA*. T. IClttnT, jbrtBffeU, tmm. VtorntMientCaroa. Jn« IT, lltf. __T«*rs at a acvalgla: as* saMsct to attaskB a»w; ear* by ais sf St. JaesbsOU was •••! •wit; th«» has bsaa as hobisms ef *Im atliM •Utettoa. B. W. arAMUft, Y«k. Fm|L » BSVMUTI AUD beuim. 1M1 CHARLES A. V0GELER CO.. BsttkMr*, M4 98 m daj> Samples worth C2.15, FREE; M not under the horse's feet. Write Brews- Safety Rein-Holder Co., Holly." Mteliu THiaFAMUt nn ,imN n im $5& •KM TION Orators and that jMso't cm for Consumption not only PREVENTS, bat k!.HO CUBES Boars** MM. We manufacture to aaU direct t« private par> ilea, and dellvar of Baby Carriages ehanra within W miles ot Chicago. Send for Catalogue, CHitl. KAISER, HIV., U-M CljbMm i», tblut*. mk.nTIQN THIS PAPER waa* wsiriffa to ABTUHHIU. DETECTIVES Wftntr<31n eouBtr. Shrewd men td !n«tr*etk*. In pur Service. SxperlancenottnTeKsarf.SfnflSp. atarap* GraimanD*t6ctl¥«BurMuCo.44Arca4t,CincKnnatiA CHEAP BOIES IJ THAU Erfaye and small farms and pastures Y«w ifafc. l»nJ. Delightfni climate. Send for pamaMst. ' TEXAS INVESTMENT OO., foaj< ivi. ealal m ST. AN» a*a«ou. aye.' •» «i 1 all NORTHERN PACIFIC il LOW NICE RJULMMD LMM» FREE Government of *""h 1" Mlaafota. KartSa SSSij! . Wanhinifton awtr CCiR BAB Publications With Haps Mam-It cms. uiso&I,lVT. k'srittsK'* FREE TRADE PRICES? «• IWmiMS! WmMMDtH .Msjan ia iK at'achments «df» ranted for 5 rears tor only SIS. fend tor cfrctilarand MfollSh scripUon of this and " to *. A. 8C •63 West Lake MENTION THIS FAPIK {this ndolbtf itfl^ scuixKwacot ik« st, Chicago, niT ^|^H«Bi€rs«A6NrrK:lNHul3HHk n, imi^H MMgaeusm ana mentnoi fltsfe Kom time to tlBM «nsw»? %nvsatfoaa aat IhMs bav« been placed opon the market claimlM to mm catarrh, neiiralelaTbtouckitig, eto„ many of wSS are said to contain •lartrio or ntaKnattc 1 mMw powers. Dr. Palmer Is a reotlemaa who baa devoted a Mia of study to the subject ofcatarrh and disease* of Ova bead, throat, and longs, and soma time a»~--• commenced a series ot experiments with a determining whether any combination formed which would kill th I the parasite PRJ.QJP, and prepare for Oiling one of the thousands of posi-_ _ tions always open for good _ jrrespondents. Clerks, Shorthand Writers, etc.. Both sexes attend, and admitted at any time, shorthand taught by mail. Send for circular. BuaiNEtm AND PHONOORArin<• <\«j.t.F«e,Sterling,111. MENTION THIS PAPCR wmk «ttrriK« *• aiaiawa, , •'•fx ARFNTS : paid any aetfn awn or worn* a to sail Mrmxli WANTEDaarapl* aad H*« at bona. Salary paid praantly aad aapaaaM la adraaea. Fall DH linlvi aid aaanpto aaaa FBR8. W« * One on Kb Sister. A Stevens avenue voung lady vu mnch pained and shocked as she walked down the street yesterday, to see her yonng brother sitting astride the prostrate body of another boy and raining down blows upon his strag­ gling victim. "John oknny," she almost screamed, "what are yon doing ? Come here this minute. Afen't you ashamed of your­ self, fighting this way in the street?" The boy reluctantly arose from his vanquished antagonist and faced his indignant sister. Then he explained. "Well, I don't care. He said you wasn't good-looking. I don't think you are, either, but it ain't none of his funeral. So I licked him."--Minne­ apolis Journal. HS** ;i Why They Lea*. ^ Br. BWrce's medicines outsen aft others, beoausb of their possessing such superior coi'iitive properties as to warrant their apnuh)."turers in supplying them to the people (HS they are doing through all drug- tints) on such conditions as no other medl- eines are sold under, viz.: that they shall either benefit or cure the patient, or all money paid for them will be refunded. The "Golden Medical Discovery" is a specific for entarrfa in the head and all broachiai, throat, and lung diseases, if taken la time and given a fair trial. Money will be re­ funded if it does not benefit or cure. Dr. PIKBCE'S PEXXITS--gently laxative or actively eathartlo according to dose. V oents. Served Him Right. "!• it true, Angelina," said a young* lady, addressing an sdquaintanoe, "that there has been a rupture between you and Clarence de Johnes?" "It is quite true." "Gracious! What was the cause ?w "He was addicted to the use of slang." "Oh!" "Yes, I bogged him to disoontinue tbe habit, but he persisted in it." "And the result ?" "The result is, he is in the soup."-- Boston Courier. • • *8ncs to yoar business," is very good advice, but still there are agreat many peo­ ple in the worll who have 110 regular and profitable business to stick to; and there are others who are following a liue of buai- aess which is manifestly unsuited to them. Now, when such is the case, you had better write to B. F. Johnson & Co., Richmond, Va.. aad sea if they cannot give you a pointer. They have helped • a great many men and women alonz the way to fortune, and now stand ready to assist you, too. Two Strings to His Bow. "No, William," she said, coldly, writh A sidelong glance to note the effect of her words, "I cannot be your wife.; You smoke and you sometimes drink. I-' have registered a vow not to marry a pian who has either of these vices." "All right, Maria," was the humble reply. "And now will you please ask your younger sister Lulu to come down­ stairs a moment ? She said, when she kissed me good-by last night, that sbe would gladly have me if you refused." --Philadelphia Inquirer. • • :---- X. L. CRAOIK ft Co.. of Phila.. the mfrs. of Dobbins' Electric Soap, say they would rather close up their immense works than to put one grain of adulteration in their Dobbins' Electric Soap. Would that all were as honest. "ABE you going to the game to-day, Browner" asked a traveling man of a friend. "No; there's no reason why I should." "Why not?" "I've got a bawl match at home. Twins 5 months old and an even score up to the pres­ ent time."--Meri hant Traveler. Oregon, tha Paradjs* of Fsrtnsn. Mild, equable climate, certain and abundant crops. Best fruit, grain, graes, and stock coun­ try in the world. Full information froe. Address tbe Oregon Immigration Bowd.Portlaod.OnKoa. SELF-GOVERNMENT in a republic which opens its gates to all the world is not self-government but aelf-sacri- --Fuck. UCMTION TH!S FAL'KK mi warn** n> APT The meat cer­ tain and. aafa pain REMEDY in the world that Inetantly stopsthemoat EXCRUTIAT- ING palna.lt is truly the great CONQUEROR OF PAIN, and haadonemore good than any k n o w n r e m ­ edy. For 8PRAIN8, BRUISES, BACH- ACHE, PAIN tn theCHESTor SICES, HEADACHE. TOOTHACHE, or any other EXTERNAL PAIN, a few ao- ^ liGatlona act like magic, oaualng te PAIN to INSTANTLY STOP. . For CONGESTIONS, INFLAMMA­ TIONS, SORE THROAT, BRONCHI­ TIS, COLD In the CHEST. RHEU- MAVISM, NEURALGIA, LUMBA­ GO, SCIATICA, PAINS in the Small of the Back, etc., more extended applications are necessary to effect a cure lieal 1 of power st the same time, and at - ceedea in d«terminins tb at menthol, when with magnetism, woald do so. but bow to anraw* these seemingly opposite n«uto so as to rnnBnr Uteir us* convenient and effectual vaa a qne«tioa<« difficulty. AtlAnffthhe succeeded In container , within a vulcanite tube three ipefaea long aad abcnit three-Qusrten of an inch in diameter a perfect laaff-Mtic battery in the form ot a coil of stS ^. In the interior of this battery is stored a Una siais ag imported menthol. The ends of tbe tube are aloft** menthol acta as a Itermadder while --:--' electric force stlmulaU* thi weatei uie disease] parte into healthy action : dertul healing power, thereby SIUII I iWulli i any farther depredations. Hie fumes when inhaled are refKshinc and eaafr--inc. and for the Immediate relief and speedy costtf catarrh, cold in the head, hay fow. lmSacfce. Im» rajKia, catarrhal deafness, etc. itUnuuiad. . It core* headache in Ave roinnte*. e<«» tnroel te one of the diseases immedli haler. Commencing colds hours by a few inspirations fross Notliicf like it has erer been placed < l efore. It* price la moderate. It* wo__ yelous. and no family can afford to be WN these inventions. Beware of imitation, aa there are uindlll pernors encased in the manufactmfe aTamS$w iunaier»a»strougly MaemUes thefeawJaeT Full directions, testimonials, ale, lent with «aal». lURtraraoDt. If you are aflllcted with Catarrh, set a Mscnetic Inhaler, which is Instant relief and a permanent cur A.OAVI8K, WMmuAiwt, *71 ft ADWAY'S READY RELIEF. ES all INTERNAL PAINS, CRAMPS. SPASMS, SOUR STOM- ACH. NAUSEA, VOMITING.HEART- BURN, DIARRHOEA, COLIC, FLAT- CMlCHESTEIfS CNGUSIfel PENNYROYAL MB "fftf nrinmra StAXS. iSSSpluftriSi!^! DM. At I>IM|I||| Aesapt M etfcerw JIT pith tap3s> bcrt tan, pUk »iar>»«a.«saa< * V SSu t mwalalartan Cftichsater Cfceaileal OftwHadlsaaSv.JNUIaiJta# ' sSMSSsS G. H51NQRAH A*, 1 flUsrf •, w@ bote MM BtcONr . ii.SS. Sold by 1 ' _ ; i.'r C. N. O. Na.lMI WHEN WKililiii TO AD1 lathlsSwer*" *oa the aj JOSEPH H. HUNTER, fSSKSOSk - LVVf yt t 11 SAVAGE TO CIVILIZATION SWIFT'S SPECIFIC is a simple 'vegetable compound prepared from loots freshly gathered from the forests. The formula was obtained from .the Creek Indians by the whites who had witnessed the wonderfnl cures of blood diseases made by that tribe. It has been used sinoe 1829, aftd has been the greatest blessing to mankind in curing diseases of the blood, in many instances after all other remedies had failed. Swift's Specific cured tne of terrible Tetter, frofll' which I bad suffered for twenty long year*. I hats now been entirely well for live years, and no siss at any return ol the dlsassa . : - - Bocsrs, Arr» May l, .. ;• V. / nf -mm f 'i*f* One bottle of 8.8.B. cured my son of boils aoft risinss. which resulted from malarial poiaoa. aaA affected him all the summer. He had traffteaaS from five doctors, who failed %• baaeM him. " Cavanal. Indian Tfer. J.B. KIm. .. I have takes Swift's Specific for aecondary btoe# poison, and derived great beneftt. It acts much tMn ter than potash, or any other remedy that I have e«ait aP.WUI«raa»,l(.I>,Blehmoad.Va. yf- & A* < « " t - r . . s > . " -v; Treatiae oa Blood and fiiin Diseases mailed tree. Tm Swrrr 8**errir Co.. Drawers, Atlanta, da. * • V*?' rdh&i •323S8t s t . * \ *. r* V** * "i1? ' - < 'V, , 3rLuJaH 3 » • iu * % » ' 1 VI '