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wCOXflDKXC IK1KNIIS ? , r w < : v v sips'fpp . »T XjUStY CURE RUNTINOTOW.' MM NSSB MW-iina Trotter to lusr neighbor lira. P«tt*r, Eg,.".' Toother si it ing ou the porch one pleasant p x mimmpr (lay, 1 - *lrbere's q u i t e a startling story about young fc. Mrs. Corey-- «•.. • Don't tell that I repeated it--of that'* what vl people say.' t & , * O T i e j r q u a r r e l e d w i t h e a c h o t h e r o v e r o n e t h i n g !*•' •. m><1 unot.lier , • ^ J ; Till her huslmud threw a oup of tea full in P ' ' her face on* day; And vowing »be -would grieve him she now de- re T ;• dares she'll leave him, i$s < Intends to sue for a dlvotot^w m^i imat p e o p l e s a y . " £ , , ( , . a; *Do tell!" crl.Ml Mrs. 1'otter. *j}ut I am not J; - surprised, Miss Trotter. pi*. I've thought they weren't quite happy. Now j&"* i-' don't yon l>r«Rth a word . Stxmi me; but Deacon Draskitt stole aneigh- |g, bor'g bushel basket. p,*> And sold It lor a quarter--or that is what I've |t ' heard. P1 "And his wife she is so cruel to that poor Pepita fc : Buei, - - if- Whom she took from out t hep orphans' home I j ran-away friend, she could not repress n» , It actually occurred am:i„ Ifv A *hat she CHIIIMI h«r 'lazy sinner,' made her go • oiuue. fc." without her dinner, And shipped her, whij>ped dreadfully--or that's what 1 have heard." , The two girta laughed merrily ana then Nettie oried: "Oh, there is Frank." The toboggan slide was visited by the merry trio, which became a quartette by the addition of Ned Myers, and then they all went down to the river and joined the mass of skaters that were gliding over the smooth surface, and viewing the ico-yacht, which was being exhibited by a middle-aged gentleman from a neighboring city. Our little party had got him all to themselves for a moment, and Frank Hersey and Ned Myers were seated in the yacht, whose novel shape and bright colors quite took their fancy, and were thinking of taking a trial trip over the slippery pathway before inviting the two girls to join them, when Luira nndged Nettie and said in a frightened whisper: "Look! look over there!" Nettie glanced up quickly, and, al­ though her sympathies were with her i 'lfauBMiss Molvina Trotter and her neighbor "{S Mrs. Potter M. That livelong summer afternoon with con- it";. verse sweet beguiled, "py Till no ma it or what their station not a shred Of 5 deputation - Was left in all that goodly town- to woman, man, or child. *l>ear me,' mused Mrs. Potter when Miss Mal- vlna Trotter With juiaijy a lingering last "good night" had , homeward turned her way, nt'e positively inhuumu for aiiy decent woman To be forever talking about 'what, people i&.-' -ii- • soy.'* • •t thought Mies Malvlna Trotter as she left the js>' house of Potter. • i*v' ""It's sad how many dreadful things hare in t h i s t o w n o c c u r r e d ; . . " > • / •" Jfcttt worse than, all together it puts in stich high 4 feather ' • • %y .J.That gossip, Mrs. Potter, to tell 'what alphas * M > • f u n ON THE ICE. BY SARA R. BOSK. *No, you cannot go out on the iee this atternoon," said Miss Nina Gordon with a»n acerbity of manner which ill became such a handsome, stately Jbdy. * I will not consent to sach car- lying on any ionger." "Why, Auntie, what have I done?" " " "Ton came honie from the Academy twice this very week in Frid Trip's cut- fmr, I am ashamed and mortified to ;;.V,**y." "What of that, Aunt Nina? He is ^ Wfily a boy, and my school mate.'" "Only a boy, but yon are a girl, and iiy neice, and you must mind me. You J Inust turn over a new leaf, Luira." "But, Auntie, you know I have turned * Wer new leaves lots of times; but the / Wv leaves always read just like the old ones." "There, there!? cried Miss Gordon puckering up her iips with extra sever­ ity ; "Don't attempt any of your frivolity 'With me. There, now, Luira, you have loosened another fly from off that paper. How many times have I told you to let . that fly paper alone?" f j "Twenty times, I dare say, Auntie, Itat I forget every time." / *" "Forget? I wish it were forgetting. ;_ Xuira. i lear that you have no desire for r' , aleatness or propriety--would like, in '-"fact, to Fee my house swarming with flies, and then invite your wild set of schoolmates hereto view the disgraceful «cene." "Auntie, I have no desire to invite Wmj one here; and as for the flies, they . •don't swarm much with the thermome- g^- tor at zero." "Cease your impertinence this mo- ^;./*fent." The angry lights were dancing in Miss Gordon was approaching and that she was somewhat wrought up was plain to be inferred from the fact that she wore the same old flapping sun- bonnet that protected her head when she "was engaged in bringing doVn un­ wary flies, a thin silk morning dress, no wrap, and was balancing along on the tiny heels of her No. 2 shoes. Nina Gordon was not thinking of style just then. She was after Luira. "Oh. what will she do to me?" qua­ vered the culprit "I see you! I pee you!" cried Miss Gordon. . just then the ice-yacht started off with the two young men, and the tall form of the exhibitor sprang for­ ward and grasped the hands of the ap­ proaching lady. "Nina, I am" glad to know that you wish to i>e reconciled once more. If I may again strive to please you, I promise you that I will never, place my arm in such a reprehensible position again." "Idon'twant you to promise any such thing," she cried, and then her pride gave way. "Oh, George." And right there Miss Gordon parted with her air of lofty independence and many of her peculiarities forever. There was a sound like the breaking of icicles in the recesses of that flapping sunbonnet iu which two heads were hid­ den. Lnria and Nettie glided decorously away, and, although their lips were wreathed in smiles, "their hearts were rejoiced at Miss Gordon's newly recov­ ered happiness, and Luria whispered in Nettie's ear as Miss Gfordon and Mr. Hill disappeared in direction of Miss Gordon's cottage. "Aunt Nina's old lover." Never was an afternoon more thoroughly enjoyed than that one by these four young people with that masterless ice yacht and when Luira re­ turned home she did not receive the ex­ pected scolding, for as she afterwards confided to Nettie-- "Aunt Nina is a changed woman, and the flies and 1 have it all our own way now-a-days; and since she was married we have all the new magazines and pa­ pers, for Uncle George is literary, and he has made a real friend of Frank, and Aunt Nina likes him too." "BEG0R1U, I SATED THE STABS." | same occurred with hvdrated alumina • - army officer of English antecedents was ; sufficient to scratch rock crystal and . * P»r»lytle Corwl fcjr FMth. in lime or magnesia, the rod being I The remarkable recovery of Frank rapidly destroyed with evolution of gas. Paris from a stroke of paralysis during With layers of coke, lime andsillica the the services in St. Joseph's Church, at rod was rapidly corroded, and was Lowell, Mass., recently in honor of the found after tlie experiment to be coated feast of St. Anne, continues to be talk of The most skeptical of Mr. Pat McBrldn 6w» HI* Ltj* to ttm HI* Captain--The Noble H«r«:snk of as Irish PrtvalA. "I was present not long ago," said the Colonel, "at a _ banquet where an Old j with a coke-like layer of great hardness, the city. on the program to speak to the senti­ ment, 'The Irish in the Union Army-- courageous and loyal Americans, they were as true ;fs the truest, as brave as the bravest.' This puzzled me greatly. Why should an American of English descent be called U)>on to compliment the Irish-Americans? I did not under­ stand the situation until my friend, one of the hard lighters of the war, arose to speak. ruby and to wear down the cut facetsol a diamond. It resists the action of a mixture of hydrofluoric aod jiitrio acids.--Scientific American,"• 11"? Lawyer Erwiu's Dream. Do dreams come true? There is one ! illness, man in St. Paul who believes they do, sometimes. He had one, one night in n• _ i j 1870, which came true to a dot. His His speech was simply a l^le brother waaaQ intimate friend of «Yel- Paris' many fmnds, says the Boston Globe, are convinced that a wonderful improvement in his general health has occurred within a few days, even if they are inclined to doubt the efficacy of fer­ vent prayer and perfect faith as exhibi­ ted by this patient sufferer during his A Good Dinner. 5 ̂ ̂ Everybody who has good teeth and f good digestion enjoys a good dinner. Breakfast and supper are secondary considerations. i It may be a melancholy fact to con- j template, but it is a fact, nevertheless, that half the satisfaction of this life J0M.T AS IT FLIES. t Make Your Own Candy. Now is the joyous season of the year when, if you are only acquainted with the precious secret of their preparation, -ypu can make for yourself, with ten minutes' work, candies more delicious than were purchased at the most expen­ sive confectioners'. The latter U " ] OI»O UUUIEUNUUEIS. J. NE LATTER never "! T' tW» particular sort ol candies for ^ jnto Lrnra'a j ?ale bec«aM they will not keep. But, Luira's iP "On, Aunt Nina, I have no desire to s l>e* impertinent. I am so sorrv that I" **Pa ever chose you to be my guardian "* "when my every action is so at variance with your ideas of right. Why not take } «ome of the money and get me boarded Hearer the Academy, and then I would ' not wish to ride, and could not meddle with the flies." -K "Ah! And so you wish to get away rr- from my protecting care, so that you ? '• Ifeay be free to flirt with every young ^ aman you meet? I will not* forget the auggestion, and now I will retire to the oolitude of my room, and meditate over >v ' the Proper course to pursue in regard to yourself--and, while I am gone, I want I' yon to let those flies alone." Luira's keen sense of the ludicrous %' , triumphed for a moment, and she laughed, even as the tears rose in her fj|»rown eyes. gi , "Poor Aunt Nina; If it were not for .v mamma's " caution, and the sad story ^hich she told me on her dying bed, I should be tempted to run away from fcere this very day. Flirt with Freddie Trip--that fourteen-year-old boy! Why, the poor child only brought me home S . -because he was coming this way. What Would she do if she knew about Frank ? Dear old Frank, who dares not come I, near the house for fear of her. Well, I 0 , «aunot give up my life's happiness to * *mt her, and I do believe I will go out > on the ioe this afternoon, in spite of • flier." * And it is true that the villagers agreed L- "With the Academy girls when they | , Summed up the matter in their (in this .case) not entirely exaggerated style. hi "I do pity Luira Gordon. Miss Gor- --4on is beautiful and stylish, but she car- i; - . lies her head so high that it dizzies one % l°°k tip at her. And her house--its ' ••fer£ectly dreadful there. There isn't a vook, there isn't a newspaper, there ',•% isn't a picture. It's so neat one dares ®ot stir. And then those ridiculous fly |;' - f>&pers; Why, in mid-winter the cen- 'v - ter-pieoe of the dining-room table is a ^uKe snnare of sticky fly paper, and J?' * A^nira tells me that she sometimes real- "K, ly has to let some of the poor captives tree to create a sensation, for then, O a • (Bay, how Miss Gordon does scold." lbs And is it to be wondered at that Luira 'iV ^as som©times a little wavward, and < f ttat within five minutes after Miss Gor- 4on had left her she was out on the street with her fluffy Tam-o'-shanter S t>ulled close down over her curly locks, jf'; * on her way to the river, where all the j&v: >oung people were to gather that after- 1 *moon for a skate ?. p • ; / Around the first corner she met Net- . «fci® Mosier. "Ah Luira, you are the very person I ps,; , 'wished to see! Frank sent me to coax f ,s Miss Gordon to let you go with us this #. f "time. There's an ice yacht on the river gktgs. 'this afternoon, and everybody .is out to ip, >see it. How did you get away?" "I ran away, Nettie." ' V "Ran awayl Why, Luira Gordon, * ' what an awful time you will have when ||; t you go back." ' "I dread it myself, but I just could <£.%% vOtetand it any longer." f '"And yet Miss Gordon is kind-hearted, If • and mother says that she really did once liave a beau." ^4% "Yes, but he put his arm along the ' / » 'back of the seat behind her in church, I sho promptly dismissed him.", I |/ 'w ' ' fresh cooked, tliey are morsels for the gods, and this is the way to make them: Take some big strawberries, ripe but firm, and hull them. Then mix two cupfuls of granulated sugar with a little less than one enpful of cold water. Put the mixture on a hot fire and let it boil hard, without stirring, until a ' spoonful dropped into cold water crystallizes to the brittle point immediately. Now take it off the fire and pour it into cups, previously warmed in the oven. Dip the strawberries one by one into this hot solution as quickly as possible, fishing them out with forks and laying them on greased tin pans. * The briefest sort of immersion will be sufficient to give each berry the desired coating of sugar candy. Finally, set the pans on the ice in the refrigerator, tod as soon as the fruit is cold it will be ready to eat. Perhaps "gobble" would be a more appropriate word, consider­ ing the eagerness with which such strawberries are usually consumed. In very truth, they are not rivalled by any other kind of sugar plums, as you will yourself confess if you try them. Mal­ aga grapes and nuts as well may be treated in the same way.--Philadelphia Record. • Escaped His Tliank*. The "Listener" in the Boston Tran­ script reminds us again that there is no misfortune without its compensations, j He tells of a venerable and distin­ guished old gentleman who, being very hard of hearing, enjoys the deaf man's immunity, and always carries , his "silence-compelling veto" with him. Not long ago he did a young man a favor, which was of immense value. The youth, overwhelmed with grati­ tude, visited his benefactor, and seized the ear trumpet with emotion. "O Mr. he exclaimed, I ian never--" The old man reiAoved the other end of the tube from his ear. The vouth found himself talking to thin air. He went off into a ridiculous pantomime of entreaty, all the while brandishing the unconnected ear-trumpet. The old man smiled. "There are times," he said, "when it is very convenient to be deaf." The young man was obliged to go away without having communicated to his benefactor a single word of thanks. "Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard Are sweeter." says Keats. The smiling "veto" of the uao clullcu ttl, euurwi, deaf old gentleman in this instance put CrimentTrs? "though carbon a certain humor into the lines which Keats never meant. story, and yet it stirred me as few speeches ever did." "My friend of English antecedents sat near the center of a long table. Almost opposite him sat a stoutly-built man who would have been handsome but for the fact that his eyes were sightless. Thiff blind man received little attention ex­ cept from the men who sat on either side of him, both of whom were Irish­ men aud strangers to the majority of the guests. When the toast was read, speaking in such enthusiastic terms of tho Irish soldiers of the war, their faces flushed and they sat erect, looking straight across at the man who was to respond "My first surprise was in the manner of the speaker. I knew him to be one of the coclest and most unexcitable of men, but as he rose to his feet I saw that he was controlled by strong emotion. He stood for a minute looking dowu the line at the table, as if studying the thoughts of every man present. Then he began in a quiet tone, saying that When this toast was assigned to him he was puzzled to know why he should be selected above all others to speak of Irish courage in the Union Army. "He had said as much to his wife, btit as he said it there came to his mind an incident of his army life that made the whole matter clear to him. Then he proceeded to relate the story of his ex­ perience at the turning point of one of tBe fiercest battles of the war. In the midst of a hand-to-hand contest, when everything depended on every man doing his best, he received a blow that sent him headlong to the ground. When he regained consciousness he re­ alized that a terrific struggle was being fought to the death above him. "The first objects to catch his eye were two sturdy legs in blue--the legs of some one standing astride of him. The owner of the legs seemed to be bending this way aud that to shield the prostrate officer from blows that were falling on his own devoted head. The fight was over the flag, which was torn in frag­ ments as the men struck and cut at each other in the fury of their excite­ ment, but, happen what might, the one man standing astride the Captain never moved his feet. The Captain did not know who this stout defender was until in answer to a demand to surrender there came in Irish brogue, 'To hill wid you]' "He realized then that Pat McBride was fighting against odds for the flag and liis Captain. He realized, too, as blood came dropping down in his face, that Pat was sorely wounded. He knew this when in a few minutes he was dragged out from the heap of Mounded and saw Pat fall down from loss of blood. They found wadded into Pat's blouse that part of the flag con­ taining the stars, and Pat's only renjark as they strove to revive him was, 'Be* gorra, I saved the stars'--stars, alas! that he could never see again. "This was in brief the story, but it was told by a man who felt every word, and was told so dramatically that at its close nearly every man at the table was standing on his feet. As the speaker went on to pay his tribute to the man who had saved his life, and pictured him as the ideal of . soldierly courage and loyalty, the blind man opposite stood like one entranced, and as the speaker closed he plunged across the table, reckless of glass aud china, and with a howl of exultation threw his arms about his old Captain. "The scene that followed was simply indescribable. The story called out all the demonstrativeness of the Irish na­ ture. The speaker was overwhelmed with congratulations and thanks. List­ ening to what was said, to other stories that this one story called out, I under­ stood why the officer of English ante­ cedents had been selected to speak of the courage and spirit of the men of Irish descent in the Union Army.--- Chicago Inter-Ocean. Hadn't Discovered Their Forte. I met one of the Jesuits who labor in the Chippewa vineyard, I said inquir­ ingly: "Father, are the Indians truth­ ful?" "That is not their forte," he replied, accompanying the words with a sad smile. "Are the women virtuous?" I asked. He mused a moment, then looked at me earnestly, then dropping his voice to a confidential Whisper, he said sadly: "That's not their forte, not exactly their forte, you know," implying that they had a forte, but that I had not struck it. I was somewhat daunted, but recovered sufficiently to try again. "Well, father, are they industrious?" Again he looked earnestly at me through the dark, sorrow laden eyes. Again he hesitated to reply. Then he took the lapel of my coat between his index finger and thumb and drew me close to him* and he said lowly, as one who tells secrets: "Industry is not their forte," and he nodded his head to emphasize his words. I cpuld not see that the teachings of the Jesuits had greatly improved the moral nature of the Chippewas, and so I abandoned the conversation as unprofitable.--Port Arthur letter Mr. Paris is a native of Canada, and has been with the exception of brief so­ journs at his old home in Canada, a resi­ dent of Lowell for twenty-two years. lowstone" Kelly, the noted Indian scout yft8> until ill-health compelled him who was with Gen. Miles in his Indian to 8ive UP work about five years ago, fighting in the far West. The St. Paul fimployed as a "stocking boarder" in the man was in Bismarck for a time that Lawrence company's hosiery, and men vear. and there his brother, introduced w^° w°rked with him said he was an him to Ivelly, and the two beoame the unusually skillful workman. warmest of friends, for there was some- ®ne Sunday, about two yearn ago, ihing in the make-up of each that at- Paris went out with some friends for a walk, and was compelled to go to his room on returning. The next morn' ing he got up early to light the fite, and was soon after found upon the floor un­ able to move his left leg and arm. Sev- eral doctors attended him, but were un- and threw himself on the floor, excit^ al>le to cure tlie paralysis which was the tracted the other. 'The St. Paul man came home after a few weeks, and Kelly went West on another Indian expedi­ tion. On the night of September 9 the St, Paul man had a dream of Kelly. He arose from bed while still edly crying out: "Kelly is in danger. The Indians are in ambush for him in the canon. There is but one way of escape. He must ride straightforward, then turn to the right and put spurs to his horse for dear life. If he does that he wUl escape." ' A gentleman who occupied the same room--it was in a building on Jackson street--was awakened. He got out of bed and rushed to where his chum lay on the floor talking in his sleep, and he awakened him. I "What is the matter?" he asked, j "I have had a dream," was the reply. "Yellowstone Kelly has been in danger from the Indians. They laid in ambush for him. I can draw a map showing the only way of escape," and he took a piece of paper and drew a diagram showing where the Indians were and the only path by which escape could be mad$, as it had appeared in his dream. It made so vivid an impression that he was anxious for days for the fate of his friend the scout. A few weeks later Kelly came to ' St. Paul, aud the two friends met. " Where were yoti on the night of Sep­ tember 7 ?" asked the St. Paul man. "I had a close call on that night," was the reply, "and the saddle. I sat in has a bullet in it from a redskin's gun. I was caught iu a canon and almost sur­ rounded," and then he described the lay of the land and how <he had escaped by riding straight toward the Indians un­ til hi* found a passage to the right, through which he had ridden and es­ caped. The situation was exactly as the St. :?aul man had dreamed it was. The Si. Paul man who had the dream and who brieves that dreams sometimes comes t^ue, was W. W. Erwin, the criminal lawyer--"The Tall Pine Tree of the North."- -St. Paul Pioneer Press. A Welcome Change. Caller--Mr. President, I have long hold the opinion that the office shruld seek the man, and not the man tue of­ fice, and I cannot adequately express 5ny detestation of the hungry horde who are worrying you night and day. I simply called to pay my respects. The President--My! my! Come in, sir; sit down. Won't you stay to din­ ner? « Caller--Thank you, but time is very pressing. As I said before, I simply called to pay my respects; but while here X might as well leave these recom- mendations and my address, so in case any office starts on a still hunt it will know where to find vae.--New York Weekly. The Making of Diamonds* The practical production of the dia­ mond by artificial means ha? been the theme of a great deal of thought and a good many experiments, but up to this time it has eluded all efforts of the ex- crystals closejy approaching the gem have more than'once been secured, while many persons still think it is merely a matter of time, and not a long one at that,when this secret will have been wrenched from nature. In some recent experi ments on the effect of high temperature and pressure on carbon, by C. A. Par­ son's Journal of Chemical Society), carbon rods were surrounded by ben­ zine, paraffin, treacle, chloride or bi­ sulphide of carbon, and submitted to great pressure in a hydraulic press, the rods being meantime heated by passing an electric current through them. In some cases a considerable amount of gas was evolved, and a soft, friable de­ posit of fcarbon produced. In no case was the density of the carbon increased. When the rod was surrounded with silica the latter fused, and the rod was largely converted into graphite; the cause. After a while Mr. Paris was able to slowly crawl about by aid of a cane. He had no pqwer whatever over his left side. Going to and from St. Joseph's Church he was obliged to crawl along sidewavs, and crossing Merrimac Streot it would take him ten minutes. He was an attendent at the services in honor of the feast of St. Anne a year ago, and the remarkable cure of Mrs. Charles Hamel at that time* gave him hope that some day his prayer would be answered, and he could again be of use to his wife and his three children. Mr. Paris has been a regular attendant at the services this week, and during his short journey from his home continually prayed to St. Anne for intercession. Wednesday morning he felt a change, and this gave him encouragement more fervently to pray to the saint. During the solemn high mass, cele­ brated by the pastor, Kov. Andrew Garin, O. M. J., Friday morning, Mr, Paris reached the altar rail and received communion. He says he felt a decided change in his condition, and, assured that his reques t had been granted, he placed his cane within the rail and arose to walk out of the church. He found that he was able to use the limbs and walked on; followed by many friends. Ii Mr. Paris' friends in the church were surprised and delighted to see him again restored to good health and strength, the business men on Merrimac street and others who noticed him frequently on his way to the church were equally pleased to see him walking slowly but without aid to his home in Race street. Advantages of "Forty Winks." Sleep is closely connected with the question of diet; "good sleeping" was a noticeable feature in the large majority of Dr. Humphrey's caves. Sound, re­ freshing sleep is of the utmost conse­ quence to the health of the body, and no substitute can be found for it as a restorer of vital energy* Sleeplessness is, however, often a Source of great trouble to elderly people, and one which is not easily relieved. Narcotic reme­ dies are generally mischievious; their first effects may be pleasant, but the habit of depending upon them rapidly grows until they become indispensible. When this stage has been reached, the sufferer is in a far worse plight than be­ fore. In all cases the endeavor should be made to discover whether the sleep­ lessness be due to any removable cause, such as indigestion, cold, want of exer­ cise, and the like. In regard to sleep­ ing in the daytime, there is something to be said both for and against the prac­ tice. A nap of "forty winks" ill the afternoon enables many aged people to get through the rest of the day in com­ fort, whereas they feel tired and weak when deprived of this refreshment. Ii they rest well at night there can be no objection to the afternoon nap, but if sleeplessness be complained of, the lat­ ter should be disfcontinued for a time. Most of old people find that a reclining posture, with the feet and legs raised, is better than the horizontal position for the afternoon nap. Digestion proceeds with more ease than when the body is recumbent.--Fortnightly Review. Mr. Jester Gets Badly Frightened. When Mr. Jester, of Athens, was a young man, in the community in "which lie lived was a woman who drauk very freely, and when filled up with liquor she always went to the grave­ yard, and, getting inside of one of the little pailing inclosures, made her bed for the night, says the Atlanta Journal. On the night of the story we leave her there for the present. The young men of the community had planned | for a fox hunt. And a young man of the party had planned to give his companions a first-class scare. So, instead of joining the party as they struck out from the gathering place, he went ahead, and covering himself with a sheet mounted the fence which enclosed the old wo­ man mentioned in the first part of the article. As he sat there in the quiet of the night, he chuckled to himself and could hardly retrain from a hearty laugh at the fright he would give the fox hunters. Soon the clatter of the horses was heard and the sheet was carefully wound around him. As the party rode in front of him he threw out hia long white arms and in a graveyard voice said: "I will rise and go to Jesus." Hftvdly had he said the words when a voice from the grave answered "Yes, Lord, I am coming." Of course the whole crowd were frightened, but their scare was nothing compared to that of the ghost. He never visits a graveyard at night, and he will never play ghost again. Sot Square. ' The Teuton is often a long time in learning American idioms. One who had been here for a year or more, and who could speak some English before his arrival, a very short and corpulent -- r , 4 man, by the way, went to his groe«r's ' men, and seemed gladdened at anj pajdr a bill which had been standing wrosnect of hemcr lilwratpH from his jQr BeVera| -weeks. The Young Doctor's Female Aeeoui> pike. A certain mav\, who was lately wed, dwelt in the country, far from the noise of any town. It Ahanced one night that his wife fell sick, aad, being ignorant of the ways of women folk, he mounted his cart-horse and galloped exceedingly fast toward the town in search of a skillful leech. On the road he met a gaunt and withered hag, who asked him: " Whither so fast, good man ?" "To get a leech for my wife, who is sick unto death." "Know ye how to tell a good doctor?" "Nay, mother. I take the first Which God leadeth me to." Whereupon the ancient dame gave him a sprig of Euphrasy, and said: "Hold this to thy (Byes when thou look- est at a doctor's house, and thou wilt straightway see the ghosts of those who have died from his bungling. Take thou the doctor with the fewest ghosts." Thereafter whenever that man came to a doctor's house he held the mystic herb to his eyes, and Oddzooks! a "fear­ ful sight met his clairvoyant gaze. Around every, doctor's door shivered a ghastly crowd of uneasy ghosts, and what seemed strange to that man, the larger and more comfortable the house, the greater was the awesome troop at the door. Through the deserted streets he gal­ loped from doctor's house to doctor's house, seeking in vain for one whose gates were not besieged by uneasy spirits. At length, up a quiet lane, he espied a modest house bearing a doc­ tor's shingle, and lo! but a solitary gnost sat upon the doorship. "Here, by God's grace," quoth the man, "is the doctor for me." But little time had passed, I ween, before that stout horse was bearing the man and his physician along the road "to the sick man. When they were well on toward the end of their journey the doctor smiled a pleasant smile to see, and said: "I wonder right well by what good chance you called on me, for know I have only been practicing medicine two days, and your good wife will be the second patient I have treated." [The profane ejaculation that followed is1 perhaps better omitted.]--Medical Visitor. A Pennsylvania Lumberman's Story. A wonderful story of the recent flood is related by a lumberman. The other day a gang of men were at Avork on Burrows Island removing the logs and boards. As they cleared away the de­ bris they came upon a pile of logs in the shape of a cone at least a dozen feet high. The logs were in such a sym­ metrical shape that it looked aa ^though they were put together by hu­ man hands. The cone was hollow, and as the men proceeded with their work of demolition they detected a smell which suggested that there was a dead animal close at hand. Log after log was removed, when to their amazement they beheld a mastiff dog. The animal wagged his tail and whined when he saw the prospect of being liberated from his prison. In another portion of the cone- shaped cell was the carcass of a cow. By some freak of the rushing waters the dog and cow were caught in this pen on June 2, the cow being crushed in the jam of logs. The canine was sleek and fat when liberated, and looked none th$ worse for his two months' imprisonment. He has become greatly attached to the men on the island, and occasionally takes a meal on the dead cow. Where the animal came from is not known, and there will be no special effort made to ascertain its former owner.--Wil- liamsport Cor. New York Sun. IT is a sign that a woman is getting old when she stops crying over trouble and begin" to think. "Now you are all square, Hans." "Ivasvat?" "You are square, I said." "I vas .square?" "Yes--you are all square now." Hans was silent for a moment, then with reddening lace aud flashing eyes he brought his plump fist down upon the counter and said: " See here, mine frent, I vil liaf net more peeztiess mit you. I treat you like a shentleman, I pay my pill, iind you make a shoke of me--you sav 1 vas 3quare veil I know 1 vas round as a par­ rel. I dond like such shokes. My peez- oess mit you vas done!" As CERTAINLY an your Master's love is in fori. His work will be upon you. YES, Julius, the health lift Is a good thing, but don't look lot it in the vicin* ity of a mule's heels. THERE is a good deal of differenc# between the scum and the upper crust| -- __ ^^ though both are at the top, ; , comes from eating, drinking, and slee|T HE--I wash my hands of you forever?® ing. • , - - In order to have a good dinner, you need, in the first place, the best of ma­ terial to work with. Then there should be goo i cooking, good serving, a good appetite, and good temper all the way through. ' The stomach is a small organ, and a very small matter, viewed in the ab­ stract, but it is capable of kicking nc more trouble than all the hurricanes that ever a Wept the ocean. So muoh of the happiness of the world depends upon what goes into it. A wealthy man once remarked that it seemed such a pity that a man could not hold any more, and yet, no mattei how much money he has got, be cannot eat and enjoy two dinners at once any more than the beggar who tramps the streets. A good dinner is supposed to be con­ ducive to good nature; and it is popu­ larly believed that good livers are bet­ ter tempered than people who diet and fast for convenience, or for indigestion's sake. And if there are any facte to warrant this belief, what a pity it is that some means could not bie found for fattening lots of people one knows, and for filling them every day of their lives with dinners so good that they would smile to eat them, smile to digest them, and smile at the memory of them. Do you want to gain friends? Give them good dinners. , Do you want to keep the friends you have? Give them good dinners. "Where the carcass is, there will the eagles be gathered together." Who is the hotel keeper whose rooms are always full? He who gives good dinners to his guests. Where is the res­ taurant where you have to wait for 8 seat ? The one where they give good dinners. Where the man who can always get employment, and at his own price ? The good cook. And right here is the place to say that the market for good cooks is not overstocked, and it never has been; and if some of the half- starved, half-fledged, half-clothed army of ministers, lawyers, and doctors, for whom there is no place in the world, would only turn their attention to cooking, they might make a living, and be of some benefit to the world instead of a burden. We all must eat to live--and there are unquestionably those who live to eat; and for both good cooking is nec­ essary. When one comes to think it over, how few really good cooks there are! And there are ptill fewer cooks who know how to make the most, and the best, of everything. We most devoutly wish that every young woman could early be taught .the way to prepare a good dinner. Cooking and eating, of course, should not be the end and aim of existence,but a well-nourished body is necessary to a well-nourished brain; and if William Shakespeare had lived on bad bread, and burnt mutton, and strong tea, and his liver had been out of tune, and the demon of indigestion had set up his workshop in his stomach, Bacon, or some other man, would have written his plays, and received the honor for it. A good dinner has cheered many a lonely heart, and made many a hard lot endurable. The lack of it has caused discontent, and unhappiness, aud mel­ ancholy, and suicide. So let us have good dinners. Let us have a school to educate cooks. Let us cherish Miss Parker, and her confed­ erates. Let us offer prizes for bread instead of Greek essays. Let us foster the knowledge of how much a joint of beef should be roasted, instead of reach­ ing out after Latin and French transla­ tions. So we shall rear up a nation with good stomachs, good teeth, good tempers, and they will be eminently capable of appreciating a good dinner-- if they can get it.- Kate Thorn, in New York Weekly. She Was Scared. When Senator Zeb Vance, of liorth Carolina, was younger than he is now, he used to travel extensively over th6 State, cn an easy-going pacer, making stump speeches and keeping in touch with bj.< constituents. His kinsman, Bobert K Vance, followed a similar course, but made a specialty of playing the camp-meeting and chuioh people, while Zeb was looked upon as lost sheep and a dangerous person generally. One day Zeb was riding up a mountain path, when he met a country woman riding down. " Howdy/)Grineral Vance," said she.s The gaHant Zeb responded in his, most effective style, and the dame im­ mediately launched into a long dis­ cussion of the "bushmeetin'" she had been attending, telling of the numerous brands plucked from the burning and the various trials and tribulations which are the lot of Christian souls. "My good woman," interrupted the Senator, "you evidently take me for Bob Vance." "Whysartin." "Well, I'm Zeb." "Lord goddlemity!" screamed the poor woman, as she lay down on the horse's neck and larruped him into a dead run down the mountain, scared half to death at the thought of being alone on the road with that notorious Zeb Vance.-- Washington Post. ^ A Happy Dago. There was a whole lot of joy beaming from the face of Raphael Julien last night. Raphael is the presiding genius of a fruit stand just north of the World- Aerald on Fifteenth street. "You coma yell," he called to a re­ porter with whom he had struck^. up a passing and sometimes a stopping ac­ quaintance. " You fixa tings fo' jSepab ?" he queried. Affirmatively answered, he continued: "Tek pich. Big yel' one." The peach was wonderingly taken. "Go bow down my hou'," Raphael beamingly proceeded. "Lil dago lak me." "A boy?" "Yep, tek nur pich. You guess wa we nem 'im." The Italian's eyes beamed raptuously as the various names of Giovanni, Gari­ baldi, Bennetti and Antoine were vainly proffered. "Naw," he finally said. "Nem 'in Soolv'n, Soolv'n Julien." " Solomon ? Why didn't--" _ " Naw. No Sol'm'n. Soolv'n.* Dam plenty fighter." "O, Sullivan!" "Yep, Soolv'k Nur pich fo'kick." And thus wasS Sullivan Julieu's en­ tree into the world heralded--Omaha Weekly-Herald. WE should deal with God deals with us. each other as -Mr RV.fc W, ifj< • •£ :S&tv. • i-"' \ ,, ItSiS She--And let me suggest, George, thajfi you also change your cuffs. |§|p| IT is said that every man has hit , doable. It generally occurs in yputh, during the green-apple season. " - -', DR. BROWN-SEQUABD claims to have discovered the elixir of life but his wife claims he won't two days if elixir. IT is a greats deal easier to write * vivid love-letter of sixteen pages than ifp is to hear it read two years afterward in court. . As THE butcher adds his hand to the : weight of the sfeak he piously sighs himself: "I love to eteal awhile weigh." "This is my long-wanted felt!" ex­ claimed the tramp gratefully, as th«M kind housewife presented .him with ati ; : old hat. BOSTON Suitor--And now may I your father for your hand iu marriage, ; dear? Chicago Bud--Better ask maj what she says goes.: j r BOBBY--Ma, I've pretty near out** „ grown my slippers, haven't I? Mara mi/ Yes, Bobby--And say, ma, how lonjj// will it be before I outgrow your slip*// P®rs? CASHIER--Ton if ill have to be identic 'v fied before I can cash this cheek;' ," Young Lady--I thought I would. So I just brought mv photograph along. Ain't that me? "THAT man is as brave a fellow as I ever met. Why, only last week be nu\ his tailor, to whom he owes a cool three hundred, and', by Jove, he cut him-- yes, sir--cut him dead. IN all countries scales are the emblem of equal and impartial justice. It is evident that the fellows whose business it is to get up emblems never trade much at certain meat and provision stores. , Mn. WICKWIRE--Well, my dear, how is the new girl getting along? Does she seem to be any more economical than the other one ? Mrs. Wickwire-- Just about the same. She doesn't seem to economize on anything except the broom. IN testing the knowledge of her pu­ pils concerning wisdom teeth, a teacher recently asked the question--What are the last teeth called that people get? One little scholar was equal to the oc­ casion and promptly replied, "Why, their false teeth." MISTRESS--(to butler)--Well, John, I hear you have come into a little legacy. I suppose you will be thinking of get­ ting a wife now. John--Lor' blessyer, mui^ not if I knows it! I've seen too much of married life with missuses,- beggin' yer pardin, mum. • CATERER'S Foreman--Mr. Ruche,I don t know what we are going to do with that Roman punch. Dobbs has put so much new rum in it that there is no sale for it. Caterer^--Send it to that temperance society's dinner-to-night and have it marked 'sherbet' on the menu. It will be a great card for us. We'll get all their trade in the future. IT Was a Clear Case--First El Ver- ano Citizen--What was the verdict " of the coroner's jury? Second Citizen --That the man came to his death from sunstroke, superinduced by over-in- dulgence in alcoholic stimulants. "Were there any signs of excessive use of liquor about his person?" "Nothing but a business card that gave his ad­ dress as Lexington, Ky." STRANGER--I'd like to see Mr Squib, tlie society editor of this paper. Man­ aging Editor--Well, he's busy j\ist now. Stranger--I thought he was m>t oc­ cupied about this hour of the day? Managing Editor--Well, he isn't usu­ ally ; but we had to detail him to-day to report the divorce proceedings between his father and mother. He understands the case better thau an outsider wouli. THE following touching lines are cr jdited to a paper in New York's rural districts: "It is with deep regret tha* we chronicle the death of G H. M . M--, New York. He passed away on Monday morning, March 25, after an illness of a little more thau three days. * * * We had been ac­ quainted for five years. We begun in the poultry business at the same time, both buying Wyandotte eggs of the same man. The writer soon gave up the breed and kept only Langshans. But George kept his Wyandottes, bought only the best, bred carefully, and though we have seen many fine birds we know of few which lay more and larger eggs orjbeed finer chicks than his do. We have had many fowls and eggs of him and would as quicks trust him as ourself to ship eggs on to select stook. . Mild Flattery. A New England woman, whose tradi­ tions makes her feel that "praise to the face is open disgrace," reproved a young friend for the habit of excessive admira­ tion. " You ought not to tell people that they look charming or handsome," ob­ jected the mentor. "It is flattery, and you don't wish to be called a flatterer.** "But when my friends do look per­ fectly lovely," persisted the enthusiast, "what shall I say? I must say some­ thing. Now you look a dozen years younger than yourself in that becoming little black lace bonnet, and tho.se strings are dears. WThat can I say, under such circumstances, if my honest opinion is to be called flattery?" "Well," said the elder woman, relent- , ing before an honest opinion of this sort, expressed about herself, "if you feel as though you must say something, why not say it as if you were speaking to yourself, sort of thinking aloud ? That wouldn't seem as if you meant to flatter a person face to face ?" " Wbat coujd I say, for example?" "Well, you might say, 'She sometimes looks a great deal worse than she does to-day, a very great deal worse!'" Gone to Settle with Metz. A dry .individual walked into a certain beer dispensatory the other day, says the Kansas City Times, and stood ex­ pectantly at the bar. "Beer?"' laconically asked 'the bar­ keeper. A nod of the head was the reply. A "geiser" was brought forth, and the drv man asked: Whose beer is this ?" "Das ist Metz's beer," replied the barboy. The glass was promptly emptied, and the man, no longer dry, turned and walked toward the door without paying for his beer. - "Here," shouted the bartender, "vera are you going ?" "Going down to' pay Metz for his beer," softly answered the man, as he vanished through the door.