The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

|gr|irmn glaiutlcaie* J. VAN SLYKE, Editor ami Publisher. UcHENRY, w*m ILLINOIS. *liR WIFK'8 COM n.\i(t)MERY8. BY JOHN S. GaKT, At the early mora thou sbnlt asfcir* *flft>®et«p first and light the fir®. Wot any morning shall thou •esfcowing (.11 tuy viifeu kiss. tf in tho ulght thp baby cries. 8 *' • \%faon shalt tto* iufaat tranquilise. %lx>u shalt tako care thy wife (nn Rod . Bernjjocketbook with bills well lined. ' Thou shalt not criticize ber cakes, • ®fer cooking, nor the bread she makes. miou shalt not rail at Easterti . . w keep her with new hats sup] A sacred dntv thou'shalt deem Ho treat her daily to ice cream. Wx>n slialt not speak in temper rash U slie desires sciue eitru cash. J9wu shalt not come home ' fair at night., with lame excuses for thy plight. •Ifcig is the tenth--thou shalt not chide, Hut shall by all her law s atu'de. t -tf to these ten she adds ten thousand more be- slde-*~^alu»sfy\ Wee};!]/. &* fe i DETECTIVE'S STORY. w BV A. II. MODRH'KKii. 5*. • y- . **•£1" 7 b v, On© evening as I was -walking down liroadway, and just as I liad turned into Courtland street., some one slapped me on tlio shoulder and called out : . * Hello, Herron, my old fellow! how . 'fUByou?" " Turning my head I saw my genial friend, Vance Tremaine. generally •kaown as "Old Cap. Vance." I shook hands warmly, and, as we had some leisure time on our hands, we entered Emerson's Hotel and sat down at the front, Vance locating himself in an advertising chair, while I sat near him. There it was we enjoyed one of the many pleasant conversations I've had with him, and in response to my request that he should tell me another ptory of his adventures, he told me sub­ stantially the following interesting nar­ rative: "About four years ago," he began, "I -was sent from Washington to a certain tectum of a Western State, where it •Was suspected the headquarters of a ping of counterfeiters were situated. The bills, which were mostly of large denominations, were so cleverly exe­ cuted as to deceive even an expert. "As I have said, it was suspected that the headquarters of the gang were situ­ ated in this part of the country, but it was only a suspicion, r'estiug only on the fact that the bogus bills were more •numerous in that locality than else­ where. ""The first thing to do was to dis­ guise myself so completely as to utterly «ank my identity, and, on this occasion I cho«e to represent the character of an > Englishmen, traveling for pleasure, and secured from the department several letters of introduction, stating that I was such. ""•But after weeks of investigation I i J0®®--you see ?' fieeined no nearer the fonntain-head of the mischief than ever, although I informed the chief of my mission, and also visited the banks and other prin­ cipal places of business, showing them 'an infallible test by which to discover 'the counterfeits, and requesting them *46 have any person tendering them at • once arrested. "Finally I spotted a sliover and fol- ' lowed him for three or four hours. He " was evidently ont of the 'queer' and 'Wanted to be supplied again, and yet exceedingly cautious. I followed tiiiai to the outskirts of the city, when lie suddenly disappeared as if by magic, and t quietly walked along to 'pipe off;' but I finally got my eye upon him again, and I caught him just in the act of passing a counterfeit ten dollar bill on one of the city banks, and at -once arrested him. « ^'JJut do what I might, I could not "tnake the fellow squeal in any respect. and it was evident that he had a good hacking somewhere, and did not fear the result of an arrest. ""The next day after the arrest of the ""shover' I struck for the mountains "where I bad followed the fellow, but this time, however, I directed my steps *away from the beaten course, and after following a winding road for a couple •of miles, turned aside and pushed di­ rectly into the wilder solitudes that I knew lay undisturbed beyonJT "The cool, crisp air and sunshine in­ vigorated me, and the joy of being alone with nature filled my heart. ""For several hours I walked steadily on until, as the sun crept toward the meridian, I found myself in a pdrtion of the mountains entirely new to me and seldom visited by the foot of man. "Great rifts tore the ragged peaks about me, forming chasms ot'£n half filled with mighty boulders, while the growth of timber \Vas stunted, gnarled and often matted into dense thickets, as though nature heri-elf were in u fierce and angry mood in this strange •solitude. "Suddenly a flow of chilling wind swept about me, bringing with it a dash of rain, and looking Upward, I saw that •a heavy storm was about to break. Hastily I looked about me for some shelter, when my eye caught an appar­ ent recess a few rods higher, within "which I might hide myself, and rapidly I sought to avail myself of it. "Nor was I too soon, for just as I reached the little cave--for such it proved to be-- the storm broke with al I " the fury of a mountain tempest, rain SUHI wind mingling with a wi'.d fury. '*1 found a convenient stone and of the mountain's summit, and at this especial point the acoustic properties were 8U°h as to bring to my eaf all sounds the other opening. "I listened intently. For a while the words that I caught had in them no especial interest; but suddenly a near voice floated out of the darkness, new ideas were expressed, and I became master of the situation. "I found myself the unseen spy upon the councils of the counterfeiters. "I listened long and intently. So long, that the shadows cf the oave crept thicker and thicker about me, and .the chill of the coming night touched me with its frosty finger. " "Forbes is right,' one of them was saying. 'We've got the plates and the 'queer' all stowed away, but if they once begin to search they would soon find them.' " 'ies,' another said* 'but suppose they come down on usf* * 'Theu we've got to fight, that's all. Suppose we move right up to the mouth of the cave and wait there till morning. We'd have a dead advantage then, while if they once got inside the chances would be about even.' "This proposal met with universal approval, "Night had no\^ fallen, but I could plainly see them coming towards me where I was concealed --in a small niche in the wall of the cavern. "Presently they moved a little dis­ tance beyond me aud now my position wan far irom a pleasant one--toirpisiuo I had found the counterfeiters, but my retreat was cut off' and I was a pris oner." ' "To make a dash and attempt to fight my way through them, was out of the question. My only plan was to wait as pati^ptly as might be until morning "It seemed to me that the night would never pass, nevertheless it did at last, and the men set to work to prepare ! bj*R*kfast J " 'What is the use of any of us staying I here ?' one of them asked after break J fast. 'Let us all go or stay-. If that I cursed detective who "pinched" Jerry should come here and find the cave empty, he would go away agaiu; but if he found two or three he'd be dead sure to think he'd struck the right spot. "The force of this reasoning seemed to strike his companions forcibly, and at last it was agreed that they should leave the cave, and that no more coun­ terfeits shduld be passed until they were absolutely certain that the coast was clear. "Fpr an hour or two they continued to talk and smoke, and then by twos and threes they began to leave the cave. "After they had departed I emerged and proceeded to the office of the chief cf police. "It is needless to say that the plates as well as an immense amount of bogus money was found secreted in the cavern and all the counterfeiters cap­ tured and sentenced to various terms in the penitentiary. "As the leader was arrested he called me to one side, and asked : COOD YIMES PASSED AWAY. 'Who gave us fellows away?' 'No one gave you away,' I replied. 'You told your secrets to a whispering cave, and the cave gave me the tip, old , At the Savings-Bank. In the long procession that passes be­ fore the cashier of a savings-bank are many odd characters. The man behind the counter does not receive the de­ posits, little and great, without retain­ ing also a good many amusing recollec­ tions. The other day a pleasant faced woman handed her book to the cashier in a Boston savings-bank, and said, with a good deal of what the French call empretisement: "Next week I wish to draw the full amount of my de­ posit. " "^ery well, madam," answered the cashier, looking at the book. "I thought I would mention it tb-day, and then it would not cause any incon­ venience," she continued with a bright smile. "Thank you very, much," replied the cashier. "Come in any time next week and you shall have it. Or you can draw it to-day if you like. We have the amount on hand," and he smiled upon his customer as if he took a per­ sonal interest in her plans. "No, 1 will come in next Wednesday, thank you," and she tripped happily away with her precious book. Not long ago an Irishman explained to the cashier that he wished to draw a certain amount from the deposit of a friend, whose book he presented. "Very well,"' said the cashier, hand­ ing him a printed blank. "You must have vonr friend si^n this order. Let him put his name here, and write, 'Pay to bearer' here, and we will give you the money." Not many hours later Mr. Riley ap­ peared again. He poiuted to his friend's nanie properly signed to the order, and also to an inscription after the printed words, "Pay to ----." "I don't know what ye wanted that name there for," he said, "but I wrote it in as ye told me." "The "name" he had written in was "Pater Barrer." There l>eing no rule of the bank against phonetic spelling, Mr. Riley re­ ceived his money forthwith.--Ex- vknige. When Lincoln Cried. "Uncle Billy" Green of Tallula, 111., met Abraham Lincoln soon a ter that awkward young man landed from the tlatboat which floated down the Sanga­ mon to Salem on the high water follow- [ ing the "deep snow" of 1821, eays the New York Journal. He was intimately , associated with Lincoln ever afterward. He was Lincoln's partner in the gro- CSMIty Editor's GrcTtsMs Agslait the Dsliy Paprn. "There was a time," said the editor, publisher, and proprietor of the Union- town Banner and American Watch Towtr, "when my country subscribers brought in apples, potatoes, turnips, carrots, squashes, eggs, and lots of other stuff as free gifts to the editor, and when I set aside the second column of the third page for notices that Farmer Smith and so forth had laid on our table so and so, for which he would please accept our thanks. It has been three years since even a tomato was brought into the office." "What has brought about this change ?" _ " The daily papers. They hare heaped ridicule on the good old custom until they have given it its death blow. And there's another thing. Up to four or five years ago some of my subscribers Wore certain to put from $200 to $500 in the ragbag for safe keeping, and theu sell the bag to the peddler without re­ membering the money. I could always count on at least two items of this sort every year, but they are gone forever now." "And do you blame the diulies for this also ?» "I do. They poked fun at and heaped ridicule on the farmer until he felt obliged to deposit his money in the bauk. Don't you remember those good old days when the wife tised to put $100 in the parlor stove for .-.afe keeping,and her husband used to build a fire with­ out her knowledge?" 1 "Yes." "Well, it's fully four years since I hav© had such a case. The daily pa­ pers are to blame for it. There was a time when I could count on a straight column a week under the head of 'Ter­ rible Accident--Another Farmer Drag­ ged to Death.' The faimer had a way, you know% of hitching the lines around his body when he was breaking a colt, or tying a rope to his arm when leading a fractious horse to water. He doesn't do it any more. The daily papers have liaa so many items headed 'Another Idiot Gone to His Reward,' or 'Another Fool Farmer Heard From,' that the practice is dead." "Yes, I know." "And I could,in those good old times, regularly count on what was known as the pitchfork accident. Why, I used to keep the item in type on the stand­ ing galley and simply change names and dates.. You remember how it used to run? Farmer, or his son, or hired man stacking hp.y or straw and then sliding down on the fork. It was sometimes a haystack arid sometime-) a haymow, but thev always managed to hit the fork when they slid down. That fat take has gone with the others, and the dailies are to blame." "It seems sad." "It is sad. You know how we U9ed to make up the editorial page? We'd cut a leader from The Sun, Chicago Times, Cincinnati Enquirtr,or Buffalo Courier, and lead her right eut, sim­ ply saying, as a preface: 'That able aud well conducted journal, ,,the , says:' I had to drop that style three years ago. The dailies began to kick, and my subscribers to find fault. Many a time I have sheared out four columns of editorial in less than ten minutes, and it makes my heart ache to realize that | can never, no never, do sd any more. One of the saddest changes, how­ ever, is the last." " What is that ?" "Forcing us to drop the 'We,' which was so long the power behind t£e throne. You can look back to when 'We' called into Brown's grocery; when 'We' took a run into the country the other day; when 4WTe' did thus and so and the othej thing, and were the big­ gest man in town. All gone now--gone with the other perquisites and priv­ ileges. Why, only last week, when I chucked in three columns of dead ads to fill up on the fourth page, half a doz­ en subscribers came in and complained of a lack of reading matter! It's a change--a great change, and I am afraid some of us will die trying to get used to it"--N. I". S^ul. hAVftefihatunlly checked emigration in that direction, and those who have gone there have begun to move on and take up residences elsewhere. Wherever they are, however, and with all their religious fervency, they make good, in­ dustrious and honest citizens."--New York Star. A Philanthropist's Efforts and How They Were Repulsed. *1 will detain you only a moment, ma'am," Baid a greasy-looking tramp to a lady who came to the door of a house in the suburbs the other day in answer to his ring. "I am the inventor of a process lor the deodorization of boiled cabbage." "A process for what?" she inquired. . "For deodorizing the nutritious but not ambrosial cabbage. The invention, madam, has cost me much mental labor, and I have expended hundreds of dol­ lars in perfecting it. I am not mistaken, I think," he continued, sniffing the air in a dispassionate and judicial kind of way, "in surmising that you are cooking cabbage in your kitcken this moment?" "You are not." "I am seldom mistaken in the odor of cabbage. Now, as I was about to say, although this process of mine for the removal or rather the prevention of the peculiar fragrance given' forth by the cabbage in the process of cooking has cost me heavily, yet I am not a monop­ olist. I have no wish to deprive man­ kind of the benefit of the discovery. For a mere plateful of that cabbage, ma'am," wiping his mouth softly with the back of his hand, "I will impart to you the secret whereby you can boil this justly celebrated vegetable all day without filling your hiuse with the odo." "I think not. I don't want your se­ cret." "Possibly, ma'am," he said suggest ively, "you enjoy the fragrance." "I do," "Ah--urn!" he mused, "some persons do. It will surprise you, doubtless, tc learn that I am passionately fond of it myself. My experiments on deodoriza­ tion have not been pursued from a self­ ish motive," he added with dignity, but with the idea of benefitting others. Perhaps, madam, as it seems impossible to put this matter cn the basis of a bus iness transaction, you may see your way clear to permitting me to test that cabbage to the extent of half a plate­ ful, anyhow?" "I do not." "Then have you any objections to my remaining here a few moments and enjoying the smell of the cabbage?" "I have. If you don't go away I'll set the dog on you." The tough-looking caller put his greasy hat on one side of his head and strode down the steps with an air of in­ sulted majesty. "When you see me again, madam," he said, "in all probability I shall be at the head of a gigantic cabbage trust." THE SUIGIOE'S ROPE. > Aa Unlucky Man's Attempt to Obtain a Most 1'otent Talisman. A very unlucky little man was M. Durand. Worstoi all, he was super­ stitious and firmly believed that he was pursued by evil spirits, who must be defeated by some charm before thej would leave him in peace. Now it is well known that the rope with which a suicide has hanged himself is a most potent tailsman lor good. M. Durand had therefore made many efforts to ob­ tain such a rope, but without success. He had no difficulty in getting ropes of vtry plausible appearauce, but as his luck did not turn hie eagerly concluded that they were not genuine aud resolved ,„„o , . , . to put no faith in any cord whatsoever j ' . .8° ^ ^ 19 /ema'e do unless he had actually taken it from the ,m.estlc? ;vere compelled to keep out of taught ever sells whisky. * • ] , • • . . _ lllft K1 (VI I f A _ _l 1 T rr» AT 1 i j suicide a person with his own hands. W ith this end in view he used to walk students. Russia has 8 universities, j 582 professors and 6 900 students. ,1 Denmark has 1 university, 40 profes-1 HOrs and 1,400 students. Austria has 10 universities, 1,810 professors and 18,600 students. Spain has 10 univer­ sities, 380 professors, 16,200 students. Germany has 21 universities, 1,020 pro­ fessors, and 25,084 students. The United States bf America has 360 uni­ versities, 4,240 professors and 69,400 students. Great Britain has 11 uni­ versities, 834 professors and 18,400 stu­ dents.--New York Iribune. Too Shy. Henry Cavendish, a distinguished'! philosopher of the eighteenth century, was so shy that even his QGMS OF THOUGHT, , [From the Barn's Horn.f You will never be happy unless vou try to be. * NEVER look back and you won't want to go back. SIN is not only God's enen,v. Mt every soul's enemy. THE first step toward beins saved is to become willing to be. WHO knows but what it was worry that killed Methuselah? A BAD woman is always the devil's first choice for a mother. PUT a sinner where he can't hide, and that's where hell begins. No MAX who really believes as Ohritt in the Bois de Boulogne with his young and beautiful wife, not "making love," like the other couples around them, but looking fo» suicides. But he was as unsuccessful in this as in all his other undertakings. Imagine his joyful sur­ prise, then, on seeing dangling. before his own bed-room window at dawn a pair of human legs 1 He looked no | farther, but at once closed the window and awakened his wife. "Victorie!" lie cried. "A man has hung himself from the window above!" "Hung himself !* said Victorie, start- ing up and rubbing her eyes. "Why don't you cut him down?" r "No, no!" cried Durand, hastily dress­ ing himself; "I am going for the police. his sight, and the housekeeper received I IT is not the gift, but the" amount of her orders by notes placed on the hall- love in it that gives it value above. polling was his consti- THE hypocrite is only on his good be- 1 "I1.V the only of havior while he thinks he is watched, c o m e r s m g w i t h h i m w a s n o t t o l o o k a t I - m v , „ ; » i . n „ 4 him, but to talk, as it were in vacancv ?. * walk with God without Only thus could he be dr^n into S I reichin« out a hand t0 heiP somebody. PREPARE for little trials, and you won't liavo much trouble with the big ones. "I GIVE as much as anybody else," means that "I know I do not give half enough." . "You will never get to heaven unlew Cavendish stood with eyes cast I ?ou keep looking that way, and travel- and uttered not a word. At ***& that way. versation Once at a company of men of science, aDj^Us*r'au savant complimented Cav> ehdish by declaring that his chief mo j tive in visiting London had been to couVerse with the illustrious philoso­ pher to whom he had just been intro­ duced. down, cer7 at Salem, and at night, when the ^seated myself to await the passage ot! CUston"ers were few, he held the trram- the storm. This occupied perhaps half ^,mr, W e Lincoln recited his lessons. hour, and I had arisen, when through , sympathetic ear Lincoln told the the silence aud blackness behiud and I l°ve for sweet Ann Rut- beyond me, came blirill and clear to my 1%?' *«ar the sudden stamp of a horse s hoofs, abd the ricg of a horse's neigh. Motion- ie>s, I bent my head aud listened. The Bounds were fine as fairy echoes, yet dear as the tone of a far away bell. Again Ihe blow of horse's feet, and then the voice of a n»anf "For a moment my brain could not iidge. He saw the happy pair strolling through tlie woods about old Salem, or boating on the river, or lingering long over the bucket of water which Lincoln drew from the well for Ann. He ot­ tered what comfort he could to his friend when poor Ann died and Lin­ coln's gieat heart nearly broke. After Ann died," says Uncle Billv, m runnin through his fingeas. see him "feel so bad, an* 'Unravel this mystify of the mountain; j ti°n ^oimy nights, when the wind blew then a solution of tlie puzzle came to i j, ram aKa!11Mt the roof, Abe would set Ttne and careiuily I pt etrated a little I'lar 1U tbe grocery, his elbows on his, further into the obscurity beyond. As | Aa , ,in ,\lis hantfs an' tears I did so all the sounds ceased. "This certainly was Grange. For fully five minutes I waited in absolute -rilence, so complete that the beating of Bay own heart was like the dull tones •of a trip-liammer. "Then 1 turned ^toward the entrance, wnen at tlie very .apot where. I. had been first standing, I Vas a second time halted by yie echo of voices -larp and clear but far away. How 1 comprehended all. This was a "whispering cavo, connecting by some JjNywge passage either large or small, I hated to 3 sav, 'Abe, don t cry, an' he'd look up an' say, 'I ®an t ijie^P it, Bifl; the rain's a-falli^' on At Lincoln's first inaugural banquet to retrace mv steps at t!'ft t^e on the President's ;e, when at the very ^ ̂^.the digmhed Secretary Sew- ura on Ins right. Lincoln presented the two men to each othei, saving: Secretary Seward, this is Mr; (ireen of Illinois." Ax egg on your own platels hotter Somebody else's than T%ifch a greater cave <ro the opposite side > table- New York's Armenians. That New York is a great cosmopoli­ tan city, with nearly every nation on the globe represented in its population, is a fact well known. That we have 1,000 Armenians among that number is not so well known. It is a fact though. I met an intelligent young man, R. Arm- inski, a few nights "ago, and he told me a number of interesting facts about his people. "My people," he said, "have been long under the subjection of the Turk, and, though we are a fighting race, there are so many internal dissensions among iny people tnat we have never been able to throw off the yoke of the Sublime Porte. We are one of the few Eastern races which do not hold our women practically as slaves; but in Armenia a woman has her accredited rights of property holding and property earning. Although under Turkish rule, Armenia makes good wine and spirits, this she does under a special charter secured from the Turkish gov­ ernment through the Armenian Patri­ arch in Constantinople. He is at the head of the Armenian Church, as the Pope is of the Roman Catholics or the Russian Archimantrite is of the Church of Russia. The Armenians are a thrifty people, and her workmen are skilled in many lines of labor. Espe­ cially are her artisans skilled in the fol­ lowing fields: In weaving shawls, rugs, altar cloths and cloaks; in embroidery, when the real Turkish and Arabic styles are followed, rather than the European; in " woodworking and carv­ ing. as metal smiths and jewelers, where they excel in the manufacture of cheap but exceedingly ornamental jewelry. In religion the Armenian is, possibly, more bigoted--if I may use the term with respect--than the follow­ ers of the Greek Church, and between them and the Moslem there is always the broad chasm of religious intoler­ ance, even if they could ever be united with their conqnerors on other questions. How could it be otherwise under the oppression under which the Armenians groan. Wrhen you pav about three cents on a dollar tax here, your Armenian brother pays seveuteen cents, and the taxgatherer imposes special taxes and fines to suit himself. Yet the religious feeling is so strong among the Armenians, that upon sev­ eral occasions when they could have combined with the GreeKs, Russians or Roman Catholics, and succeeded in throwing off the Turkish yoke, they have rehxsed to join forces' with what they called the heretics. "The Armenians are emigrating in large numbers. There are about 4,000 in this couutry, of which fully 1,000 are in this cfty. There are colonies in every European country, the greatest of which is that in Russia. But Arm­ enians go there no more. The military adamimsiSMmi IT is the old man who has shunned work all his life who is continually say- . , . , - ing, "That boy ought to be set to work . of them, and t^||^^}.»Qd kept at it." Ages of Man and Wife. It is always better for a man to be several years the senior of Lis wife. And I'll tell you why. Tlie average girl who marries--God bless her--stays at home, and makes a home a blissful abiding-place for her husband and her children. The man goes out into tho world, and has the responsibility of caring for those who are at home; and yet, time does not seem to set its seal on him as it does on a woman. The little cares of life ruffle her, and too often make her look, as we say. ."old before her time." Now, even when this does not happen, she does propor­ tionately grow old sooner than a man, and for that reason she Wants to take the benefit of the doubt and let him have the added years to start with. Then, too, you should desire to keep your heart and mind young; to be his intellectual companion, and this is much easier when your husband is old enough to be "the guide, philosopher and friend." The l«ve of a woman to her husband always has a little of the maternal in it--that is right and tender --but she does jot wish to be mistaken for his mother. Be wise, and marry a man older than yourself; one who has seen life in its many phases and who can guide you over the rocky place; one who has learned that it is not always wise to obey impulse, but that any important duty should be well thought over.-- liui/t Ashmore, in Ladies' Home Journal. ' Mo Heaven for Bandmasters. Gilmore", he whose name is Patrick Sarsfield, said to a New York Journal man the other day: "Many people have the idea that a bandmaster has a mighty easy time of it. They think that the heaviest re­ sponsibilities of his position rest in his looking pretty and waving the baton with graceful gesture, "Those people don't know that no bandmaster will ever go to Heaven. I'll never go to Heaven. Why? Because the trials and perplexities of the mas­ ter are so many and constant that he has to curse aim swear most of the day and a greatewpart of the night. "Let me-advise those people that the position of the baudmaster is no sine­ cure." "You have been a leader of bands a great many years, Mr. Gilmore?" "For forty years, sir. I began when I was 21, and am now 61. And I am as voung to-day as I was thirty years ago." "How do I do it?" "As you can't photograph the pun I will tell you. Every one knows that time beats all men, but very few know that I beat time." "Ah!" continued the genial leader, as he assumed a tearful and dejected atti­ tude, "while music is heaven to many, there are phases of its creation that smack strongly of the opposite abode.' A Skull lor a Flower-Pot. W. G. Van Buskirk, the Master Me­ chanic1 of the Terre Haute aud Peoria Railroad shops in Paris, Ind., has a pe­ culiar flower-pot hanging in his door- yard. This gruesome relic is made out of a human skull and is suspended wi»h slender chains. The brain cavity is filled with earth, and a beautiful growth of vines creeps from the empty sockets and grinning jaws. Across the fore­ head is printed the inscription: "To what base uses may we come at last;" and the beholder, as he gazes upon this ghastly burlesque on human greatness, cannot refrain from involuntarily echo­ ing the sentiment. The skull has something of a history, being that of a theological student who committed sui­ cide. He was interred in a small grave­ yard, which afterwards fell into disuse and decay and was finally sold for building purposes. In making an ex­ cavation the skeleton was exhumed, and the skull came into Mr. Van Buskirk's possession.--Indianapolis Journal. length, seeing an opening in the circle. I ADAM and Eve made God's blessings he darted through it, ran down-stairs to a means of cursing themselves. Men his carriage, and drove home. are still doing that. "*E J. AM FJUTUJJ XOR PUIICO. shelter hinisaifused to I THE woman who don't care much It is none of my business. Besides, it j w .i - „ . from observation, while what she says is apt to be overlv par- is contrary to law to touch a suicide un- j, ^brelll^ThJ Wk'of hi°s Lo^ ' tiCUlar ab°Ut what she wears- " til the police arrive. I charge you not to do anything or call anybody. They might rob us of him!" And M. Du­ rand seized his hat and went off, locking the door on the outside. No sooner had he gone than Victorie opened the window. * ' "Madam," cried a piteous voice, "let me in!" She looked up and saw a well-dressed young man clingingly desperately to the balcony of the window above. Victorie, who was a kind-hearted creature, brought a chair, by the aid of which and of her beautiful bare shoul­ ders, which she had not had time to cover, the young man was able to make his way into the room. . "You have saved me, madam, and I shall be eternally grateful," he ex­ claimed. Then he made a low but hurried obeisance and rushed for the door. But the door was locked and the key in M. Durand's pocket! "I am ruined, monsieur!" cried Vic­ torie in despair. "My husband will soon return. He thinks you a suicide and lias gone to warn the police." "In that case," replied the gentleman, who was Vicomte de Saint Avoli, "my* presence need cause you no embarrass­ ment. Permit me, ' and he coolly lay down on the bed and began to dis­ robe, "Monsieur!" cried Victoire in con­ sternation,-"what do you mean?" "When your husband returns,",, con­ tinued the Vicomte witTl the utmost coolness, "he will find you vigorously rubbing my chest and breathiug into my mouth." "Horrible!" "It caunot be helped, madam. How can you explain my presence better than by saying that you have cut down the Buicide and endeavored to resuscitate him ?" * But that is just what my husband forbade me doing! And I have some-- some natural scruples." But the Vicomte made short work of her scruples, and only had time to ex­ plain how he had been driven from the room above by a husband's sudden re­ turn when he was again inteirupted by a similar event. Miserable woman!" cried M. Durand, as he burst into the room and saw his wife slapping and rubbing the half naked Vicomte and applying her lips to his mouth. "Saved! saved!" exclaimed Victorie, apparently unconscious of her husband's wrath. Then she tujrned to the com­ missary of police, who had entered with M. Durand, and told the , story agreed on. Your wife has more sense than you have, my * good fellow," said the com­ missary. "I will mention you in my re­ port, madam, and I shall not be sur­ prised if you receive a silver medal one of these fine days." Durand was too angry to speak. The Vicomte "came to" in a gradual and n*v- tuial manner and thanked Mme. Du­ rand for her good offices. "Monsieur," said Durand, suddenly. "Would there be any impropriety in asking you for the rope used." Victorie turned pale. But the Vi­ comte was a man of resource*. He handed to Durand a leather strap which, in fact, ordinarily served him as a girdle. The little man received it thankfully. Perhaps it if n't necessary that the man should be dead," he thought, "if he has only really hanged himself." However this may be, it is certain that M. Durand was appointed chief of one of the municipal bureaus a few days later and 1ms been very fortunate since.--Adapted.from the French of Armand Silvessire. don residence was guarded by a wall so high that the neighbors could not see the Duke's house, much less its in­ mate when he was walking in the yard. Both of these gentlemen were vic­ tims or an excessive self-consciousness. They thought too much about them­ selves, and were deluded by the notion that every one was looking at thom. TREASURES IN heaven are treasures forever, but treasures on this earth are only treasures for a little while. TKE man who commits sin is simply putting a halter around his neck that will some day bring him face to face with God. IT is in resurrection alone that life can be eternal, because the power that Sydney Smith, in his youth, was very caused the death has been overcome by shy. He cured himselt of the disease • stronger. by making two discoveries : first, that MILLIONS of children have no doubt people were not employed in observing lived who did more real good in a few him; and next, that the world esti- | years on earth than Methuselah did in mated a man at his true value. Abernethv, an eminent London sur geon of the last century, was noted for his independence, and for his indiffer ence to people of rank and wealth. A certain nobleman once presented him­ self at the surgeon's office and without waiting for his turn demanded to see Abernethv. it came his turn he entered the con­ sulting room in great anger. "Do you know who I am?" he asked. "No, sir," was the cool reply, "but I am John Abernetliy, surgeon, and if you wish to consult me, I am now ready to hear what you have to say in your turn." Y'et this man, so indifferent to lords and ladies, when he had to lecture be­ fore several hundred medical students all his life, WE need more faithful witnesses like the blind man in the ninth of John, ten thousand times more than we need heavier bell clappers in our church steeples. A GOOD man out of the good treasures He was refused, and when I |ie"',l,ri°8etli forth th»l »M?h is good, and an evil man out of the evil treasures of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil; for of the abundance of his heart his mouth speaketh. AN old colored man said he could talk more religion in five minutes than he could live in two weeks, no matter how hard he tried. The old man has lots of company. AWAY down deep in every human was often painfully embarrassed. As I heart is something that makes one long he was about to begin he would be times to trample the cares of earth obliged to retire in order to collect his under foot and pillow the head on the clouds, but au opportunity to make a dollar with apparent ease will bring the average man back to earth with a suddenness that nothing else in life can eclipse. The Indian Scout. The Indian scout is henceforth to have a uniform of his own befitting bis usefulness and importance in the army. His fatigue hat will be of black felt, with white worsted cords and tassels, having one strand of scarlet, and with an ornament in front formed of two arrows crossed, with the letters "tf. S. _ _ S." in the upper intersection. For dress of tightness in the head, deafness more I occasions he will have the cavalry helmet, or less complete, muscular weakness, | except that the cords are of white mo­ hair, with a strand of scarlet, while the plume, which fails six or eight inches below the rear visor, is to be of white horse hair with four strands of scarlet. He will wear a dark blue shirt, like other enlisted men, but with a deeper collar, so as to hold a neckerchief. His blouse and trousers are those of the cavalry, as is also his dress coat, except that it has white facings piped with scarlet, and the chevrons of the non-commissioned Indian officer are also white piped with scarlet. The overcoat is to be made of dark Irilbh frieze, or some imitation of that ma­ terial, .cut ulster shape, reaching to within ten inches of the ground, and with two rows of brass buttons. This useful body of auxiliaries is also to have its own guidon, bearing the two crossed arrows and the words "U. S. Scouts," while in the lower intersec­ tion of the arrows ara to be the letter of the troop and the name of the de­ partment. The guidon, of ceremony will be of scarlet silk with white fringe, and the service guidon of bunting. The tendency just now is to make increased use of Indians both as trailers and as organized and drilled troops, and one project has even been to organize a full regiment of them; but the need of a regimental organization in tjhe sort of service required of them is not very apparent. . thoughts. The consciousness of his great reputation, and the anxiety to stand well with the students, made him shy. Ihe Efleet* of Quinine. There is no drug in such general use as quinine. The daring druggists, from the proprietor down to the bottle- washer, shove it into Guffering human ity. in and out of season and for all manner of diseases. As a tonic it is of the greatest value, but it is not suited to all cases requiring a tonic. Doses of from six to ten grains frequently cause ringing or buzzing in the ears, a feeling and a staggering gait. But all people are not alike susceptible to the drug. Men bear it better than women, and the robust better than the nervous and weakly. Under certain unhealthy con­ ditions, large doses are capable of caus­ ing blindness, which is likely to last for weeks and even months. As a rem­ edy for chills and fever it is the remedy above all others, not only as a means of preventive, but as a cure, i In some kinds of fever its effect is verv striking, and most so in sudden attacks. There are a number of other afflictions in which quinine is very effective, but it must be carefully administered, or very serious results may be the outcome. If one thinks he needs it for its tonic ef­ fect he should not take more than one grain three times a day on his own re­ sponsibility. If a cold is coming on let him take ten grains on going to bed either in one dose, or in two doses about two hours apart. These are about the which youl|ponly conditions on which he is justified in using the drug on his own responsi­ bility, and if lie uses it as advised it is not at all likely to do him anv harm. ,s if! ' A Great Marino Jiifturer. "Lloyd's" is the great marine insurer of the world. And yet it is not a joint- stock company, nor a "lirrited" associa­ tion, nor are its members bound to- gether by any mutual interest. It is a perfectly anomalous institution, and yet the greatest of the kind the world ever saw. The rooms of Lloyd's are the rendezvous of, the most eminent merchants, shipowners, underwriters, insurance brokers, and bankers. The Merchants' room is superintended by a shipmaster, who speaks a dozen lan­ guages or more, and welcomes business men from every nation. The Captains' room is a coffee-room where ship-owners and sea-captains meet together, transact business and discuss the news. But it is the Subscribers' room that makes Lloyd's the attraction it is. The 2,100 underwriters and subscribers who pay their annual fees represent nearly the whole commercial wealth of England. Lloyd's itself does not insure; it is only the mem bers of Lloyd's. Business done in this way is perfectly safe, since to fail to meet a loss forfeits forever all right to do business at Lloyd's. We l.caii the World. According to the latest statistics, Norway has 1 university, 46 professors and 880 students. France has 1 uni­ versity, 180 professors and 9,300 stu­ dents. Belgium has 4 universities, 88 professors and 2,400 students. Hol­ land has 4 universities, 80 professors and 1,600 students. Portugal has 1 university, 40 professors and 1,300 students. Italv lias 17 universities, 600 professors and 11,140 students. Swe­ den has 2 universities, 173 professors and 1,016 students. Switzerland has ,rV k •«,' Kven in Our Talk*. "You Americans are the greatest peo­ ple under the sun for hustling," re­ marked a clever foreigner. "This feature of your character crops out in every turn of life. Evfi in your speech there is a strange hurrv, half inarticulate, half indistinct through sheer haste. Fur illustration, to-day I heard n man say: 'Oh look't -there's the fire engine,' which being inter­ preted, means 'Oh, look at it,' etc. Strange! £hen I spoke to the hotel clerk, asking :him what time the train left for the East. He turned around aud glated at me, saying fiercely 'Wlial- say ?' It was some minutes before I understood what on earth he meant; but at last I reasoned it all out. That man's expression 'whatsay ?' was from the exceedingly hasty workshop of American speech, aud was intended to do duty for 'I beg your pardon, but 1 did not understand you. What did you say, sir ?' A few hours later I called on a friend. As I rapped on the door I heard a shrill voice inside cryii 'come!' I did not know what it all meant. Then it dawned ou me that 'come!' was one of those odious words from this hasty American workshop again, meaning 'come in!' " He Ought to Die. The prevalent mania for performing in;*ane feats of endurance appears to have "caught on" in India, with results that might have been anticipated. With an ardent desire for fame, aud with stupid originality, a Mohammedan made a wager with a co-religionist that he would stand gazing at the Indian sun for ten hours on end. On the ap­ pointed day, at 8 o'clock in the morn­ ing, the aspirant to immortality took up his position face to face with the sun- god. As the hours went by a vast crowd of excited sportsmen surrounded the man and eagerly looked on while he was suffering visible defeat. At 3 o'clock he fell in a -fit, beaten by three hours, and very shortly afterward he died. ONK day of sickness will do more to convince a young man that his mother is his best friend than seventeen vol- ntnaa nf nfftPorKa ff/fflfr/Ti ftflffttt? i i I & * The Jlalky Horse. Says a horse trainer: Nature never intended that a horse should belaalky. The driver i$ always to blame when a horse becomes unmanageable while in harness. If an investigation follows, this will, in nine cases out of ten, be found correct. Most horse3 are very, obedient. They will be so anxious to go that when the word of command is given they will make a leap forward, which, it the wagon contains a very heavy load will never start it. The ani­ mal will, however, get a very severe jerk which will throw him back, probably against the other horse. Both will be­ come excited, and will not know what is meant when word to attempt another start is given. The whole object in preventing balkiness then is to prevent the horse from leaping forward. A. tight hold of the reins is all that is necessary to remedy that evil. Vindicating Himself. Let go of my hand, Harry," pouted the maiden. "I'll button this one my­ self. You would never make a prize­ fighter. " Why not?" asked Harry. Because you are so awkward with the gloves." Wouldn't make a prize fighter, wouldn't I?" he retorted hotly. "See how skillfully I can get one in on your mouth!" And he did, and followed it up with several others. But she was a young woman who could stand a great deal of punishment An Easily Remedied Hatter. "Look here, Davis," exclaimed the manager of the dime museum, aghast, "you made a mistake. It wasn't an Es­ kimo girl I wanted for this department. It was a Circassian girl. "That's all right, Colonel," replied the traveling agent. "Ulga." he said* turning to the dusky beauty, "go was|k < • - ~ , « ! » » ' » i M ^ *