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McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 25 Sep 1902, p. 5

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W¥~$- Sweetheart, sleep; Night spreads her pall Over the silent town, v, ,- f And the far-off tide Is musical . ; Where the little lines of breaker* Idi And the weary sun goes down. Sleep, oh. sleep! for the world reposes; •-" Droop your head like the tired rosss; Dream till the daffodil dawn uncloses , ... Over the sleepless frea. White birds drift to their diny nest Safe on the headland steep; God's great rose is pale in the west, ,y My little rose must sink to rest And flower in the land of sleep. Sleep, for the wind of night is blowing Echoes faint of the cattle lowing. Drowsy scents of the long day's mowing, Over the hills to me. Now the moon like a silver ship Steers through the starry sky; ' And the lighthouse at the harbor's llP» Where the clammy seaweeds cling ana drip. Winks with his fierce red eye. Sleep, oh, sleep! in the magic gloaming Glide to the land where the elves are roaming; Wake when the sun flames over the foaming Splendid spray of the sea! ... --St. John Lucas In Longman s Uaga- *ine. A Han, a Girl and a Cabla. BY BISHOP HOWARD. (Copyright, 1902, by Daily Story Pub. Co.) Theodore Van Aldine was a lucky dog. At least everybody said so, and what everybody says is true, according to an old saw. But old saws some­ times miss fire in this practical work- ft-day world, with its ever-changing conditions. And, truth be told, Theo­ dore Van Aldine did not possess half so keen appreciation of his Inherent luck as the great world about him In­ sisted upon. True he was the child of wealth; true, he had never known * care; true, his pockets had always 1 ilged with money and no wish had been ungratlfled. And right there was the trouble. When one can have one's heart's desire at all timers and places, It palls on one and interest in life and affairs dies out. At least it had so proven with Van Aldine. He had al­ ways been fed on the daintiest of fare, been clothed in the finest of raiment, driven the fastest horses, led the co­ tillion at the swellest balls, been fav­ ored by the most beautiful maidens, owned the fastest yachts--in short, had had the very cream and pick ol the good things of the world. But he was not happy. In fact he was distinctly discontented and miser­ able. At 28 he has tasted all there is to life, from the standpoint of the sen­ sualist and the epicure, and had found It after all to be a bore. He was a clean-cut, well-equipped young fellow, was Van Aldine, and born to an humble estate, where he would have been compelled to work out his own salvation might have carved out a great career--or have been the founder of a great fortune-- as had been his paternal grandfather, with the Dutch blood and thrift. But the tates had willed otherwise, and he had been born to purple and line linen, with a care only to perserve the family pride and act always the gentleman. And this camo so natural that no effort was required and the consequence was that the boy had never been permitted to put forth ef­ fort enough to Interest him in exist- once. And he had tired of it all--the lux­ ury and the conventionalities, and had become moody and discontented--even to the point of seriously considering the losing of his identity and enlisting for service in the Philippines or for service with the Boers in South Af­ rica. In this frame ot mind he flung himself onto a cable car to get away from the dilettante life he so despised and get a little fresh air and motion. This was at 4:30 o'clock in the after­ noon on the fourth day of October, in the year 1893. • • • Milly Conan h«4 been born to pov­ erty and ssrvlce. There was good blood back of her--no question about It. But it was the blood of the patriot and the martyr and not that of the successful trader and money-maker. And her father, who had been always a gentleman at the expense of carry- lnc even life insurance, had died, mourned and regretted by hundreds of friends--and sincerely mourned, too, and but leaving nothing but the reputation of always having been a good fellow and a gentleman--that is, nothing excepting a select assortment of debts and a large quota of regrets. Then the mother, a trifle more practi­ cal, as mothers are--but more a lady than a manager, sincerely loving her husband, had pined and died. And the upshot of it all was that Milly had been left, as a very early age. to the tender mercies of a not overly cordial world, with no visible assets except­ ing a very sensitive nature, the inher­ ent instincts of a lady and a healthy The child of wealth. appetite--not counting a face of con­ siderable promise from the standpoint of beauty, a figure and a disposition of ran sweetness. It was fortunate*, indeed, and very charitable, oa the part of Avnt Mar­ tha that Milly's mother's sister, having gone nearly blind and being the relict of old Grigsby, who had departed this life prematurely, but not before he had whsely invested in life insurance to the amount of a few thousand dollars, felt the need and necessity of a companion to steer her about, and selected Milly for that Important post, thus combin­ ing charity with business. To be sure the post proved exceedingly trying, not only from the standpoint of physical work--as may be imagined when the querulous nature of Mrs. Grigsby is remembered, but also because of the exceeding patience and tact required of the young girl in order to get along at all with the relative who more and more as the months rolled by strength­ ened her hallucination that she was doing an act of exceeding charity in feeding and clothing her niece in pay­ ment for work which she could not 3 i\ The one girl In all the world for him. have had dene for ten times what Milly's keep cost her. Things being at this pass one day when Millr had reached the age of 18 and had stifled all the aspirations that came to her and settled down to a life­ time of benumbing service, the latter decided to go across the city to make a call and accompanied by her niece boarde&ja cabli* car. Thi^i'as at 4:30 o'clock in the after­ noon on the fourth day of October in the year 1893. e *> • Smoking his Havana somewaat sul­ kily on the rear seat of the cable car, Theodore Van Aldine's attention was attracted by an old woman, accom­ panied by a young girl, who boarded the car. The woman was querulous and complaining, the girl patient and apparently cheerfuL The woman was nearly blind, and the girl took every pains to see that she was made com­ fortable, for which she received only complaints. The girl did not show resentment, but looked out upon the sunshine and smiled at radiant nature. And such a smile as it was! It rivaled the sunshine itself. Van Aldine ob­ served her curiously. Here was a girl tied to a cross and selfish old woman and she seemed to be extract­ ing from the fresh air and the sun­ shine more enjoyment than he, Van Aldine, millionaire and son of wealth and luxury, could begin to understand. What was it she had that he had not? The question made him smile and served to keep his eyes on the girl's face. The more he looked the more she interested him. The play of color and the panorama of changing expres­ sions not only fascinated him, but gave him some suggestion of the alive intelligence behind the mobile fea­ tures. Of a sudden the thought came to him: "My God, wh^fe a&ong the daughters of wealth and fashion In our set and who are so assldously making themselves agreeable, is there one so dainty and so intelligent? And where is one who has the philosophy to carry a load such as this girl is carrying, and do it with a cheerful face?" The more he ruminated the more Interested he became. While he was gaizng at her with grave and intent eyes she turned her eyes shyly that way and their eyes met squarely. She dropped hers and a slight flush suf- fused her pale cheeks. Hardly less soon than she dropped her eyes his sought the floor of the car and a cloud of embarrassment covered him. Of course it was ridiculous, and he realized it quicker than anybody. He lit a fresh cigar and looked steadily out of the window. But he could not forget and In the space of two min­ utes he had made up his mind that the pretty little blue-eyed girl carry­ ing her load sp bravely was the one girl in all the world for him. The idea stimulated him and gave him a grip on interest in life and affairs ho had never had since ho coald remem­ ber. Wen, that's about all there Is to the Btory. He was too wise and ex­ perienced, of course, to frighten her by any bold moves. But he took very good care--and expensive--to learn her name, address and limitations. He contrived to meet her and become familiar with all the humiliations of her position. Then he became Indignant and went after the matter in hand with an the force and directness that character­ ized his paternal grandfather In the upbuilding of his fortune. The result was that within a month Van Aldine and Milly Conan were quietly married much to the disgust of twne- diafee frtoWj, hot toore Id the of old Mrs. Grigsby, who never had, contemplated the yosslblllty of losing jl her "slavey." i And the strange part of It Is that > it Is the happiest marriage on record. ? Milly not only made a good wife--a* model wife from the standpoint of do-1 mestlc economy--but she made the' kind of a wife of whom her husband' is proud nearly to the point of wor­ ship. And, strangest of all known phenomena, from the fourth day of October In the year 1893, at about 4:30 p. m., or shortly thereafter. Van Aldine acquired an interest in life of which he never had had a conception before and which he never lost there­ after--at least up to the present time, and the Van Aldines have now been married for nearly eight years. Wins Rosebery's Love Lady Naylor-Leyland Said to Have Captured Heart of English Statesman; THOUGHT MULES WERE BETTER. Stockholder Unable to 8ee Advan­ tages of Electricity. Down in Florida a few years ago at one of the famous summer resorts was a small street railroad--a little affair that did not amount to much, but was supposed by its proprietors- to be sufficient for all ordinary pur­ poses. One day In the course of a discussion the owners were accused of being old fogies and behind the times. "Why don't you get together and be up to date?" they were asked. "You really ought to have a modern equipment for a place of this char­ acter, instead of an old road of mule-drawn cars that date back to the flood." After considerable deep meditation and with many misgivings the road was ordered changed to an electric line, and an eighty-horse power equip­ ment was ordered. The outfit arrived and was installed but for some rea­ son failed to operate properly. An outside expert was then called In to examine the plant and locate the trouble. At a special directors' meet­ ing he reported that the rated efficien­ cy of the plant was eighty horse­ power, and that eighty horse-power were being used for the. actual opera­ tion of the road. At this one of the directors Jumped up and exclaimed excitedly: "Eighty horse-power for what we used to do with six mules? I guess we had better go back to the mules." 8ome Musical Monarchs. Monarchs have generally been fond of music. It has been said of James L of Scotland that he "excelled all mankind in the art both vocal and in­ strumental." He has had many com­ positions to his credit. Frederick the Great of Prussia had a double fame as a composer and performer, too. He composed 100 solos and played them skillfully on the flute and when at home gave up four hours a day to his favorite source of enjoyment. The czar is said to be one of the best liv­ ing royal vocalists and the story Is told of him that once after a song he turned round and said: "Well, my en­ emies may say many harsh things about me, but I defy them to say I can not sing as well as the best of them." King Edward, if his love for music has not come before the public, in so pronounced a manner as his father's, has a keen appreciation of what Addi­ son called "the only sensuous pleasure in which excess cannot be injurious." One of the chief works in which he Interested himself as Prince of Wales was the founding oi the Royal College of Music. Toilet of a Lady Ant. A naturalist has been making ob­ servations on the toilets of certain ants, and has discovered each Insect goes through most elaborate ablu­ tions. They are not only performed by herself, but by another, who acts for the time as lady's maid. The assistant starts by washing the face of her companion, and then goes over the whole body. The attitude of the ant that is being washed is one of intense satisfaction. She lies down with all her limbs stretched loosely out; she rolls over on her side, even her back, a perfect picture of ease. The pleasure the little insect evinces being thus combed and sponged is really enjoyable to the observer. Hunter's Humorous Story. "A friend of mine," writes an army officer, "when returning to camp after a day's shooting suddenly came In sight of a big she-bear with two cubs following in single file, proceeding along a ridge, the forms of the three being sharply silhouetted against the sky. It was a very long shot, but he determined to try it, so he drew a bead on the old bear and fired. The result was curious. The procession stopped, the she-bear scratched her­ self hastily, then turned round and, regarding the cub immediately behind with grave disapproval, boxed Its ears soundly and then went trundling on along the ridge, evidently under the impression that her frolicsome off­ spring had been up to some unusu­ ally objectionable tricks."' Heme Assimilation. "We," says the explorer, as he en­ deavors to make the cannibal chief­ tain understand why his country is to be annexed, "have no desire except to benevolently assimilate you." "Huh," replies the cannibal chief­ tain. "So far as we, personally, are concerned, our assimilating processes are in good repair. We have assimi­ lated two missionaries and four sail­ ors within the past year. I guess we will do about all the assimilating that needs to be done on this Island." And the explorer was led around the back way to the pantry.--Balti­ more American. 0 (Special Correspondence.) UMORS have reached New­ port that Lady Naylor-Ley­ land, the richest and most beautiful widow In England, probably ere long will become the wife of Lord Roslbery, and that a visit from the leader of the opposition in Parliament, and one Zola Had Little Education. Emile Zola did not learn to read till he was 8 years old and is a self-edu­ cated his mother being indiffer­ ent as to whether or not he attended schooL Millions 8peak Arabia Arable is the sacred language of 200,000,000 people, and at least 2,000,- 000 are now under the care of the United States in the Philippine is- lioet mintages would kuHomtm tfW women an nstu--I hnen hyuuChjU Lord Rosebery. of the richest of Great Britain's noble­ men, is among the possibilities of the coming season. Lord Rosebery has been here sev­ eral times, and there was no expecta­ tion that he would repeat the ex­ perience until it was known that the beautiful widow of Naylor-Leyland was to visit the country of her birth-- for the first time since she left it as Jennie Chamberlain, of Cleveland. So potent were her charms that she took London by storm. In a few months after her arrival half the court beauties of England were green with envy. King Edward, who was then the Prince of Wales, made no effort to conceal his admiration of her. It was His Royal Highness who made the match between her and Sir Hubert Naylor-Leyland, an immensely wealthy man and one of his closest friends. She who had been Jennie Chamber­ lain then found herself mistress of one of the half dozen most sumptuous residences^ in London--a veritable palace at Hyde Park Gate, with marble staircases and a gallery of priceless paintings. This happened while Consuelo Van- derbilt was yet in pinafores. The lat­ ter was before long to become the wife of a Duke, but she had millions, while Jennie Chamberlain had little besides her beauty. The Prince of Wales attended the first ball given by the new mistress of the Hyde Park Gate house, and stood sponsor for he*" flr** rrv,Q son Is never really alone. So habitu­ ated has be become in his solitary communing with books that often ue rushes from London to the country In order to be alone there; and, vice versa, very often he spends Sunday alone in London because that happens to be the day when most of his own class are out of town and when, there­ fore, he can be certain to remain un­ disturbed. There is scarcely a being more restless iiy Europe; or one who so flits about from place to place. He has a beautiful house in Naples. He is to-day at thg bath in Hastings; to­ morrow at the bull fight in Barcelona; the next day one hears of him in Vienna or in Paris. He keeps up sev­ eral palatial houses--at Dalmeny, In Scotland; at Mentmore, in Bucks; at the Durdans, on Epsom Downs, and at his bouse in Berkeley Square. And it is hard to tell when he is to be found is one or the other. The one thing cer­ tain is that he will never stop very long in any of them. Head of a popular party, he never­ theless has given up none of the man­ ners and customs of the great aris­ tocrat, if one go to any of his dwell­ ings, there are all the outward marks and tokens of the great noble; Indeed, it is aimost like a plunge into the eighteenth century to visit some of his residences--with the cornet every­ where, the retinue of retainers, the ample and varied equipages. You may see him in the Summer time trav­ eling from one great house in Buck­ inghamshire to another with postil­ lions, quite as if he lived in the days Lady Naylor-Leyland. before the railway; and, in short, he Is grand seigneur to his finger tips. Soon--if the news that Newport hears with so much interest is authentic--Lord Rosebery will have another house to flee to when his own bora or fall to inspire him--the palace THE HUMOfi OF LIFE FEW ITEMS 8HOWINQ THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS* ^ IV-' m second son had for sponsors both the Duke of Cambridge and the Duke of York. Dukes, Duchesses, Earls and Countesses were familiar figures in her drawing rooms always. Her titled husband was a tall and handsome captain in the Life Guards. In the beginning of their married life people predicted that the beautiful American would help him in his ca­ reer. When he ran for Parliament for Colchester that prediction re­ ceived its first verification. She aided him In his canvass, showing herself everywhere. Voters found it impos­ sible to resist her beauty and her most engaging personality. The prediction held good when, three years later, Naylor-Leyland re­ tired from Parliament and announced his conversion to radicalism and free trade. Soon afterward he was created a baronet The fortunate husband of this Amer­ ican girl continued to advance in a career in which she figured so po­ tently until his sudden death in Mar, 1899. He left her a fortune of several millions. The report now current that she will marry Lord Rosebery brings into at Hyde Park Gate, with its staircases of Carrara marble and its paintings by Murillo, its tapestries by Kopu, its panels of Delia Robbia faience, and its mistress, who is the subjcct of Amelia Kussner's very exquisite miniature in ivory. Instance of Animal Affection. A pathetic instance of animal affec­ tion comes from South Africa. In the ultimate stages of the war an officer in Thorneycroft's mounted infantry while on patrol duty had occasion to dismount, leaving his pony to stand unattended. Suddenly it was seen to raise its head sharply, prick its ears, sniff keenly, and then gallop away, despite every effort to coax it to re­ turn. Through his glasses the officer saw the animal stop at a knoll four or five miles 'distant. At this spot was the grave of its old master, Cap­ tain Barrett, who had been killed in a former engagement. Confusing to the Court. At a trial before an Irish justice, the plaintiff's attorney had made an eloquent and logical argument. When the counsel for the defendant took the floor a dialogue ensued which is thus recorded in "Wit and Humor of Bench and Bar:" "What are you doing?" asked the justice, as the defendant's counsel began his argument. "Going to present our side of the case." "I don't want to hear both sides," replied the justice. "It has a tindincy to coufuse the coort." Most Cosmopolitan Colony. British Guiana is the most cosmo­ politan of British colonies, the pop­ ulation consisting of an admixture of Dutch, French, British and American colonists, East Indian coolies and the aborigines of the country. Mentmore Towers. prospect the most interesting nup­ tials outside of the royal blood. Such a marriage will unite two persons who fill the world's eye In their re­ spective personal accounts, and bring together two great fortunes--for on the death of his wife, who was Miss Rothschild, Rosebery inherited sev­ eral large estates, besides a fine bank account. Lord Rosebery--with all the space he fills in the public eye--is by nature and by habit a good deal of a re­ cluse. He 1b one of the most omni­ vorous of readess, and for that re%> Death Result of Incorrect Diagnosis. Dr. Jean Jacques, a well-known spe­ cialist of diseases, attached to the Uni­ versity of Paris, diagnosed his own ail­ ment as indigestion when it should have been cancer of the stomach, and died.. Queer Wish of Condemned Murderer. A murderer in Canada, awaiting execution, insisted on a game of ping- pong just preceding death, and also for a view of the scaffold, both of which wishes were gratified. Africa's Exports and Imports. Practically all the exports of Af­ rica .are natural products, while her imports are exclusively aawftc- tured articles. His Wife's Dowry--Sammy's Re­ markable Definition of Nutritious Food--Remunerative Work Dona on an Empty Stomach. An Astonishing Gain. Hobson--"How did you enjoy summer trip, Bagley?" Bagley--"Had a delightful time. Gained one hundred and thirty pounds." Hobson--"One hundred and thirty pounds! I don't believe it." * Bagley--"Don't you? Well, here it comes down the street. Just watfifc* moment and 111 introduce you." As Applied to the Prize Ring. Instantly the referee decided the fight In favor of the pugilist with the green trunks. "How's that!" demanded the other pugilist. "He hasn't landed on me once!" "I can't help that," replied the ref­ eree. "You lowered your guard at a critical moment, and he could have caught you on the jaw. You are constructively knocked ouL" What Is Necessary. **You never can make that kind of dog fashionable," said the expert. "Why not?" asked the novice in canine affairs. "Because," replied the expert, "he isn't small enough to be useless, stu­ pid enough to be utterly worthless or ugly enough to be interesting." This man, it may be said, had made a study of the pets of fashion. Earned His Gratitude. "Ah, well," said a sour-natured spin­ ster to the wife of the only man who had ever wooed her, and whom she bad thrown over, "your husband only proposed to you out of revenge be­ cause I rejected him!" "Quite so!" the other retorted. "But he always says revenge has proved so sweet that he can never feel anything but gratitude to you!" Oh, So Simple. "It seems to me very easy," she re­ marked. "What?" he asked. "Why, every rule has Its exception, hasn't It?" "Certainly." "Well, all you have to do is to find out what the exception is in order to be right all the time." Everything on Earth. "I have lost my wife," said the sad looking man to the floorwalker of i mammoth modern department store. "Oh, I see," replied the floorwalker; "you wish to buy another; our marked down sale of second-hand wives is now going on up on the twenty-third floor--elevator to your right." I'm the tell The Time Hsd Passed. Mr. Borem--Dear me! when enjoying myself I quite forget flight of time. Don't hesitate to me when it'B time to go. Miss Tyre-Dout--tt's too late now You should have asked me to do that long ago. That Was Different. Fond Parent--Why in the name of gumption is that kid of Nexdore' yelling around our yard? Fond Parentess--Why, George? I'm surprised at you! That is our own little Gladys singing. Fond Parent--Oh! In Kentucky. Gayboy--They never cay in Ken tucky that a man takes to anything like a duck to water. They have better phrase. Rounder--What is it? Gayboy--Like a Colonel to corn Juice.--Judge. Fatal Error. "No," admitted the girl with the auburn hair; "I don't know what affs him. He hasn't called for two weeks." Were you doing that pyrographic landscape on the big piece of sheep­ skin when he called last?" asked her brother. Yes." Well, that's where you burnt your fuse." A Paradox. Driven to It. Gladys--"Maggie's neck is certain­ ly beautiful, but I don't think she ought to show so much of it, do you?" Fred (her cousin)--"Well, you see, she has neither face, figure, nor mon­ ey ; It's simply a case of neck or noth­ ing with her." THe Genuine Psnama. "Marie, where is my new Panama?" "New? Why, that yellow and bent- up hat didn't look as if it was new." "Weill, where Is it?" "Why, it looked so old I cut holes in each side and made a bonnet lor the mare." Not Necessary. "Why," exclaimed her brother scorn­ fully, "I don't believe that beau of yours could lift 150 pounds." "He doesn't have to," she answered triumphantly. "I only weigh 115." Something Worse. Roe Shelle--Why did Jenks kill his wife's parrot? Did it take to swearing? Newark Branch--Worse! It took to imitating the lawn mower. An Adequate Supply. "Henpeck has given up smoking, eh? That takes a good deal of will power." , "Yes; his wife has it." Dowry. "You are so dreadfully ugly, dear, that it must be that I love you, or I would not think you so handsosaa^* --Jugend. Not the Place She Wanted. The lady who had advertised for a nurse had twins. When the girl found it out she backed away. "But are you not an experienced nurse?" askeo the lady. "Yis, mum," answered the girl, "but I'm only a retail nurse." "What do you mean by that?" "I niver did a wholesale business and I'm not goln' to begin." As It Will Be Soon. "I think I will engage yon," the woman to the girl at the inteltt- gence office. "Well, mum," replied the girl, Tm willin' to come, but I'd better tell you now that I won't allow you more*n two afternoons out of a week. I've , got to have the rest of 'em for ma! own social engagements." Yearning for Europe. "I've got a great mind to dig 0Ot and go to Europe," said Meandering Mike. "What for?" asked Plodding Pete. "I've been told dat In Europe la­ dies very frequently smoke. It's ter­ rible annoyin' over here in America to have to finish a set-out wit'out beta* offered a cigar by ue lady of de hoqse, to go wit' de coffee." iS ; in Trouble. "Alas, alas," he cried, "if 'only my three girls had been boys." In truth, he was in sore tremble, with three young men thrumming," three banjos and singing three differ- . ent love sangs under three windows at one time. "I might as well be a victim of fa* somnia," he walled. His Business. "I hold," said the good feeder, "that no man has any business to work ear an empty stomach." i "I have to do It very frequently," said the stranger. "Then I'll bet you've fonnd l| doesn't pay." <• "Usually it pays as much as 910& I'm a surgeon." In the Same Boat. Lady (visiting asylum)--"And these ' poor creatures, how came they to be' like that?" J Doctor--"Ah, very sad, but they are' quite harmless. One was jilted by a ' lady and lost his reason aB a conse­ quence. The other lost his reason through marrying the same ladf&k ' ' '-f" \ in Eggs. just seems to pride," remarked; A Corner "That old hen be bursting with the farmer's dog. "Pride? Nothing of the sort. Iffc- eggs," replied the Leghorn roos*er. "She thinks she's a financier, and; she's trying to stop laying untO there's a rise in price." Parental Advice. Young Monkey--Dad, I'm going to be the guest of honor at a dinner given by some leaders of the "four ttundred" to-night. did Monkey--Well, for heaven's s*ke, try to control your feelings! Exm't look any more bored than ye® ctn possibly help. Getting Into Trouble. Mrs. Snape (in the midst of, hep, - r»ading)--"I see a man in Belfast has . got into trouble by marrying tbiee v omen." Mr. Snape (under his breath)--"I .' know a man a good deal nearer home . who got into trouble by marrying woman." xr "Did your wife bring anything with her when she married you?" "Yes; a mother-in-law." Not Their Fault. "Marriage is so often a failure," said Mrs. Caustique, "that I don't blame women a bit for being old maids." "Blame them?" said the crusty bachelor. "Of course not. It isn't their fault." Brotherly Love. Nance--"Jack Morton proposes In this letter. I wonder if he really loves nies he has only known me a'week." The Brother--"Oh, then, perhaps he does." The Average All Right. "Do they set a good table at y<Ngjr' boarding-house?" "Well, the average is good." "What do you mean by that?" "Why, the butter is strcng and the coffee is weak, but it you consider them both together the average is sat­ isfactory." Not Exactly Delighted "There is everything here," said the agent for suburban real estate, "that the heart can desire." "The hearts with which you have had experience," replied the prospect­ ive purchaser, "evidently do not, sire much." The Annual Deluge. Cobwigger--Do you know, my boy, why the minister's prayers for rate have not been answered? Freddy--I guess God is saving It up for the day when the SaadiuK school gives the picnic. A Good Definition. • "Sammy." said the teacher, "what is meant by nutritious food?** "Something to eat that aintgot a* taste to it." replied Sammj.

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