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*v FT?.' V/TV"! -f • , < M r * * - > v ' - McHenby, trx TTTE fpITKTSfKT T*TiAflTDlEAxt5R, . - ̂ r3', . >j % HQ the Jilting of Mr. Driscoll By HERBERT QUICK >«. Amtkor of **Alladia A Ce." *Vtr«iaia of the Air I.anaa," Etc. Copyright by Uw Bobba-Merrlil Company RINCIPLES has their lo- cal habitats the same as live things; an' nothln* ij^worae' t't 'em than to twn' '6m~~ loose where they don't, know the wa­ ter-holes an' wind-breaks. • Principles that'll lay on fat an' top the market In Boston, '11 queer the hull game in a country where pjayin' it is tangled "tip with In­ juns, grcfl& mines, *r range-stuff. In the •hort-grass country, dogy principles . are sure a source oMoss, un^ll they get hardened up so's to git out and rustle %rith the pu6h. Now, this Humane-So- jCiety-Injun-Relief-Corps form of doin' good--harmless, you'd say, as we set here by the grub-wagon; but I swear to Godfrey's Qulch, the worst throw- down I ever got in a social way grow­ led out of a combination^ them two Jdghly proper ldees with a Oberlih Oollege gal I met up JoXhamberlain. This1 was the fray of*Jt: The *0. M." ;»wn Ranch, ijas called to Sioux Falls « M a witness ihn a case of selling con- srsatfon-wnt^r to the Injuns, an* eas­ ily landed a Juicy contract with Uncle Sam f r euppjjiit' beef-issue cat- tie over $n the Rosebud. The Pierre firm of politicians he.Outbid, bavin' things framed- up p^ettf good, as they thought, on the delivery, at once hops to him with proposition to pay him I d'know how much money an' take it Off his hands. Havjn' a pongshong f'r doin' business on • velvet, the O. M. •naps 'em up instantaneous, an' comes |kome to Wolf Nose Criekemllln' like ..&e'd swallered the ca&ary, an' sends slfe to Chamberlain' to < see that the eontract is carried dut as fer as prop- »«r. • "Go up. Aconite," he says, "an* re- Member that while the J-TJp-An'-Down outfit don't feel hound to demand any ieforms, its interests must be protect­ ed. Any aort of. cattle the Pierre crowd «an make look like prime steers to the inspector, goes with-us. But," he goes on, "our names an<$ not theirs axe on «the contract. These inspectors,'^says he, "beln' picked out on their merits at Washington, to look after the in­ terests of the gtfver'ment an' the noble red, It would be unpatriotic if not Lee's Majesty to cavil at their judg­ ment on steers, especially if it coin­ cides with tha| of Senator Whaley's men at Pierre. Therefore, far be it 'from us to knock. But be leery that ire don't get stuck for non-pe]rform- face: which we can't afford. See?" It tfas purty plain to a man who'd Jtoatrickelated as night-wrangler, an' graduated at it on the J-Up-An'-Down. >•I werjt heart-free an' conscience Clear, seein' my duty perfectly plain. t Now at Chamberlain was this Ober- College lady, who had some kind of %n inflamed conscience on the Injuh Question, an* was dead stuck on dumb • Animals an* their rights. She was one J of the kind you don't see out here-- •* Ifrue eyes, you know, yellow hair, the - kind of complexion t£at don't outlive Inany hot winds; an' she had lots of ' , ( pitchers around her, of young folks in \h \ fcer classes, an' people with mortar- 4 ' board hats an' black nighties, 'r strip- J ^ "Od sweaters. She was irrupting into ;r . the Injun question via Chamberlain. Her thought was thjat the Injuns was Really l^vin' correct's fur ap they had |i chance, an' that we orto copy their |f", ' ways, ifcstid of makin' them tag along . ; After our'n. "Maybe, thai's so," says I, "but I've I^J^ook the Keeley cure twioe now, an' please excuse me!n •If She looked kinder daxed f'r a min- •Ute, an' then lafted, an* said somethln' About the sardonic humor of the fron- j;~7"Her. {' ,t ^ I had been asked to give a exhibl- j * fion of broncho bustin' at the ranch Where she was stayln' an' she was Agitatin' herself about the bronkg' (eelin's. I told her that It was just Jtriendly rivalry between the puncher *n' the bronk, an' how," out on the ranch, the gentle critters 'd come up 4m' hang around by the hour, a-nlcker- I*' ***• a' fto gaag to go cat aa' i "It remind# me," she says, "of my brother's pointers begging to go hunt­ ing." ,, r ^ "8ame principle," says I. f . It seemed to ease her mind, an' feel- 'r** ~ v In* as I did toward her, I wouldn't have " f»er worry f'r anything. Then she found out thfcfcj was a graduate of the ff | v-||iigh school of Higgsville, Kansas, an* >«' itu Used to know what quadratics was, an* 3tf' '• " ' - t that my way of emitting the English i ." language was Just an acquired man- ' '- toerism, l^jce the hock-action of a string-halted hoss, an' she warmed up to me right smart, both then an' after, |V . inever askin' to 4ee my diploma, an' ft/, /Ibegun interrogatln* me about the beef- jissue; an' disciiegln' t^e Injun question I'f' ' a lifelong friend. Wherat, I jump- th« gaiue. ^ » But. for all that, about this time I b«come subject to attacks of blue eyes an' yellow hair, accompanied by ver­ tigo, blind-staggers, bots, rlngin' in the ears--like lo^ confabulatln' talk, kinder Interspersed with little bubbles of laftnre--an' a sense o' guilt when­ ever I done anything under the canopy of heaven that I %as used to doin' Can yeh explain that, now? Why this Oberlln proposition should make me feel like a criminal jest because the | pony grunted at the cinchin' o' the •j?.TY- saddle, *T because I lammed him Tm - bitln' a piece out o' my thigh at the same time* goes too deep Into mind science fr Aconite Driscoll. O' course, SlTy," a map under them succumstances is ( supposed to lei up on cussin' an' not ^ *• to listen to all kinds o' stories; but you understand, here It was, con- l"- • science-struck in a general an' hazy ' * sort of way, mournln' over a dark an' bloody past, an' thin kin' joyfully of t! death. It was the cpndemnedest case I ever oontracted. an' nothin^aved me tea ownftMK t» mr frlenda but the v- „ _ y : • * ^? t i * .? i ' distraction of the queer actions of that inspector. . I never had given him a thought. Senator Whaley an' his grafters was supposed to arrange matters with him --an' I'm no corruptionist, anyway. Of course, the cattle wasnt quite up to export shippin' quality. The senator's gang had got together a collection of skips an' culls an' oanners that was sure a fraud on the Injuns, who most­ ly use the cattle issued to 'em the way some high-up civilized folks does hand-raised, foxes--as a means of re- vortin' to predatory savagery, as Miss Ainsley says. Ainsley was her name --Gladys Ainsley--an' she lived som- 'eres around Toledo. The p'int is, that they chase 'em, with wild whoops an' yips over the undulatin' reservation until they can shoot em, an' I s'pose, sort of imagine, if Injuns have imagln- ations, ffeat time has turned back'ard In'her flight, an' the buffalo season is on ag*ln. Whereas, these scandalous runts of steers an' old cow stuff was mostly too weak or too old to put up any sort of a bluff at speed. But, under my instructions, if they looked good to the inspector, they looked good to me; an' bein' sort of ab­ sent-minded with gal-stroke. I rested easy, as the feller said when the cyclone left him on top o' the church tower. t The Inspector was a new man. an' his queer actions consisted mostly of his ^owin' up ten days too soon, an' then drlvin' 'r rid in' around the country lookin' at the stock before delivery. This looked suspicious; fer we s'posed it was all off but runnln' 'em through the gap onee, twice 'r three times to be count­ ed. Whaley's man comes to me'one day, an' ast me what I thought of it. "I'm paid a princely salary," says I. "fer keepin' my thoughts to myself. This here's no case," I continued, "cal- in' fr cerebration on my part. If think- iu'a the f*m?, it's your move. What's Senator Whaley in politics fer," says I, "if a obscure forty-a-month-an'-found pugcher is to be called on to think on the doin's of a U. S. inspector? What's he in this fer at all, if we've got to think at this end of the lariat?" "He was talkin' about caws," said the feller, whose name was Reddy--a most ungrammatical cuss. "He was a- pokin' round with the contrack, a- speaklh' about caws. Wun't you go an' talk to him?" "Not me!" says I, fr the hull busi­ ness disgusted me, an' my guilt come back over.me shameful, with the eyes an' hair an' things plenteous. Whaley's man rode off, shakln' his head. Next day the inspector hunted me up. - "Mr. Drjscoll?" says he, f*t I'd been keepin' out of his way,. , t "Correct," says I. ' "You represent the Elkins' Interests in the matter of supplying for the is­ sue, do you not?" says he. •In a kind of a sort of a way," says I, fr I didn't care to admit too much till I see what he wa* up to. "In a kind of a sort of a way, mebbe I do. Why?'^ "Did you have anything to do," says he, unfoldln' a stiff piece of paper, "with procuring the cattle now in readiness for delivery?" ~ ' "Hell, no!" I yells, an' then seein' my mistake. I jumped an' added: "You see, the top istuff f'r the Injun market is perduced up around Pierre. So we s&b-contracted with this Pierre outfit to Bupply it. It's their funeral, not ours. It's good stock, ain't it?"* "I am assured by Senator Whaley's private secretary," says he, "who is a classmate of mine, that there would be great dissatisfaction among the Indians, owing to certain tribal tradi­ tions and racial peculiarities--" "You bet!" says I, f'r he seemed to be gettin' wound up an' cast in It, "that's the exact situation!" "Would be dissatisfaction," he went on, "if cattle of the type which in the great markets is considered best, were' furnished here. And I have great con­ fidence in his judgment." "So've I," I says. "He's one of the judgmentiousest fellers yon ever see." "So let that phase of the question pass," says he, "for the present. But there's a clause In this contract--" "'Don't let that worry you," says I. "There's claws in all of 'em if you look close." He never cracked a smile, but un­ folded it, and went on. "Here's a clause," says he, "calling for a hundred and fifty cows with calves at foot, for the dairy herd, I presume." ""Caws at what?" says I. "At foot." says he, p'intin' at a spot along toward the bottom. "Right there!" "It's impossible!" says I. "They don't wear 'em that way." V He studied over It quite a while, at that, an' I begun to think I'd won out, but at last he says: "That's the way it reads, an' while I shall not Insist upon any particular relation of juxta­ position in offspring and dam--" "Whope!" says I, "back up an' come ag'ln pardner." "It seems to be my duty to insist upon the one hundred and fifty cows and calves. Now the point is, 1 don't find any such descriptiou of creatures among the--the bunches in seeming readiness for delivery." "Oh!" says l, "that's what's eatln' yeh, is it? W'l don't worry any more. The cow kindergarten's furder up ths river. We didn't want to put the tender little devils where they'd be tramped on by them monstrous big oxen you noticed around the corrals. The caff business is all right, trust us!" Whaley's man was waltin' fer me down at the saloon, an' when I told him about the caws, he shrunk'tnto himself like a collapsed football, an' wilted. "Hain't yeh got 'em?? says J. "Huh!" says he, odmin' out of it "Don't be a dum fool, Aconite. This Is the first I understood of It, an' whoever heared of an inspector read- in' a contrack? And there ain't them many caws to be got by that time in all Dakoty. Le's hit the wires f'r in­ structions!" ' " The telegrams nun something like this: To Senator Patrick Whaley, Washington, D. C.: * Contract calls tor a hundred and fifty cows with calves fU foot. What shall 1 do? Reddy. To Reddy Withers, Chamberlain, 8. D.: Wire received. Calves at what? Bat- plain, colject. Whaley. Hundred and fifty oows What do you advise? and calve*. Reddy. See inspector. Whaley. Won't do. Inspector wrong. Reddy. Fl* Inspector or get calves. Whaley. I'd got about the same kind of a telegram to Mr. Elkips, addin' that the Whaley crowd was up in the air. I sent It by Western Union to Sturgis, and then up Wolf Nose Crick by the Belle Fourche and Elsewhere Tele­ phone Line. The O. M., as usual, cuts the melon with a word. His wire was as follows. Take first train Chicago, pall for let­ ter Smith A Jones, Commission mer­ chants, Union 8tock Tarda. EUklns. This was sure an affliction on me, fr I had fixed up a deal to go with Miss Ainsley an' her friends on a campin' trip, Iastin' up to the klay of the issue. She'd been readin'4one of Hamlin Garland's books about a pun­ cher who'd scooted through the Brit­ ish aristocracy, hittin' only the high places in a social way, on the strength of a gold prospect an' the diamond hitch to a mule-pack. She wanted to see the diamond hitch of all things. There orto be a law ag'inst novel- writin'. I got Reddy to learn me the diamond hitch so I could make good with Gladys, an' here was this mys­ terious caff expedition to the last place in the world. Chicago, a-yankin' me off by the night train. I went over to tell her about it. frirst, I thought I'd put on the clo'es I expected to wear to Chicago, a dandy fifteen dollar suit I got in town. An' then I saw how foolish this would be, an' brushed up my range clo'es, tied a new silk scarf In my soft roll' collar, an' went. Here's my diagram of the ho6k-dp: - Any o' them mortar-board- curl nj? >m. What Is done with '%m t» a mystery which may be solved some "day L but that they perish In some miser­ able way is certain. „ Two carleads of them must perish on die Rottebud instead of In Peckingrtown--In the Sioux soup kettles, instead of the rendering tanks, if you can keep them alive to reach Chaftiberlaln--and I have great confidence in your ability to perform this task im­ posed upon you by the carelessness of Senator Whaley's men either at Wash­ ington or at the range. I have heard that one or two raw eggs per day per calf will preserve them, and it looks reasonable. Smith and Jones will have them ready loaded for you for the next fast freight west. I hope you'll enjoy your trip!" Well, you may have listened to the plaintive beller of a single caff at weanin' time, 'r perhaps to the sym- ferny that emanates from the pen of three 'r four. Furder'n this the expe<- rience of most don't go. Hence, I don't hope to give yeh any idee of the sound that eckered over northern Illi­ nois from them two cars o' motherless waifs. The cry of the orphan smote the air in a kind of endless chain o' noise that at two blocks off sounded like a chorus of steam calliopes prac- tlsin' holts at about middle C. Nothln' like it had ever been heared of or done in Chicago' an' stockmen an' .re­ porters, an' sight-seerB swarmed around wantin* to know what I was a- goin' to do with the foundlin's--an' 1 wa'nt in any position to be interview­ ed, with the Chicago papers due in Chamberlain before I was. I'd 'ave had a dozen scraps if It hadn't been f'r the fear of bein' arrested. But With the beef issue comln' on a-pacin', I had to pass up luxuries involvin' de­ lay. I sot in the caboose, an object of the prurient curiosity of the train- crew ontil we got to Elgin 'r some'eres out there, where I contracted eight cases of eggs an' one of nervous prostration. Here it was I begun ministering t& the wants of my travelln' orphan asy­ lum. They was from four hours to as many days old^hen the accident of birth put 'em under my fosterin' care. I knowed It was all poppy-cock giv- in' dairy 'r breedin' herds to them In­ juns, an', that these would do as well f'r their uses, 'sif they had real moth­ ers instid o' one as false as I felt. But to look upon 'em as thejt appeared in the cars, would 'ave gfve that con- sciencious but otisophisticated inspec­ tor the Jimjams. Part of 'em was lay- in' down, an' the rest trampin' over 'em, an' every one swellin' the chorus jo' blats that told o' hunger an'»un- happiness. I took a basket of eggs an' f-ll m THEN SHt READ ANOTHER PIECE^THAT WOUND UP WITHIJOVE 15 BEST! FROM THE SAME BOOK, Art' FORGOT TO TAKE HER HAflD AWAY WHEI1 ISflENt ED UP Oft Jt CKCAMK* hat, black-nlghtie fellers she had pitchers of, could probably afford fif­ teen dollar clay-worsteds; but it was a good gamblin' proposition that none of 'em could come in at the gate like a personally-conducted cyclone, bring up a-stannln' from a dead run to a dead stop 's if they'd struck a stone wall, go clear from the bronk as he fetched up an' light like a centaur be­ fore her. with their sombrero In their hand. Don't light, you say? Wal, I mean as a centaur would light if he took a notion. You'd better take a hike down to see how the steed1® get­ tin' along, Bill, 'r else subside about .this Greek myth bli. It helps on with this story--not! The p'int is, that gals and fellers both iiae variety, iu ui«, iue y In her name, the fioss in her. hair, the kind of qulvery lowness in her voice, the rustle of her dresses as she walk­ ed, the way she looked like the pitch­ ers In the magazines an' talked like the stories in 'em, all corroborated to throw the hooks into me. An' I s'pose the nater's-nobleman gag went like­ wise with her. Subsekent happenin's --but I must hold that back. We sot in the hammock that night-- the only time Aconite Driscoll ever was right up against the real thing in ladies' goods--an' she read me a piece about a Count Oibson a-shooting his lady-lo?e's slanderers so full o' holes at a turnament that they wouldn't hold hazel-brush. They was one verse she hesitated over, an' skipped. I ast her if she thought she--as a supposed case--could live out In this drled-up-an'-blowed-away country; an' she said the matter had really never been placed before her in any such a way as to call for a decision on her part. Purty smooth, that. Then she read another piece that wound up with "Love Is best!** from the same book, an' forgot to take her hand away when I sneaked up on It, an'--Gosh! talk about happiness: we never git any­ thing o' quite that kind out here! I never knowed how I got to the train, 'r anything else ontll we was a-crossln' the Mississippi at North McGregor. Here the caff question ag'ln unveiled Its heejus front, to be mulled over till 1 reached the cowman's harbor in Chi­ cago, the Exchange Building at the Yards, an' found Jim Elkins1 instruc­ tions awaltln' me. They read: "Dear Aconite: " "The Chicago stockyards are the Mo­ tion's doorstep for bovine foundlings. New-born calves are a drug on the mar­ ket there, owing to abuses in the shipping business which we won't Just now take to disouss, to sajr nothing went in among 'em, feelln' like a ani­ mal trainer in a circus parade as the Reubens - gethered around the train, an' business houses closed f'r the show. I waited till the train pulled out. an' begun my career .as nurse- maid-ln-ginerai. Ever try to feed a young calf? Ever notice how they faint with hunger be­ fore you begi,n, an' all at once devel­ op the strength of a hoss when you stand over 'em an' try to hold their fool noses in the pall? Ever see a caff that couldn't stand alone, run gaily off with a two-hundred-an'-flfty-pound far­ mer, polsin' a drlppin' pail on his nose, an' his countenance a geyser of milk? Well, then you can form some faint idee of the practical difficulty of in- ducin' a caff, all innercent o' the world an' its way o' takin' sustenance, to suck a raw egg. But nothln' but actual experience can impart any remote ap­ proach to a notion o' what it means to Incorporate the fruit o' the nest with the bossy while bumpin' over the track of a northern Iowa railroad in a freight oar, movin' at twenty-five miles an hoar. I used up two cases of eggs before I was sure of havin' alleviated one pang of hunger, such was the scorn my kindly offera was rejected with. The result was astonndin'. Them cars swept through the country, their decks Blippery with yaller gore, an' their lee scuppers running' bank- full, as the sailors say, with Tom-an'- Jerry an' egg shampoo. An' all the time went on that symferny of blats, rlsln' an' fallin' on the prairie breeze as we rolled from town to town, a thing to be gazed at an' listened to an' never forgot; to be side-tracked out­ side city limits fr tear of the board of health and the 8. P. C. A., an' me ostrichlzed by the very brakey In the caboose as beln' unfit f'r publication, an' forced to buy a mackintosh to wrap myself in before they'd let me lay down on their old seats to sleep. An' when my visions reverted back to the Oberlln people, I couldn't dream o' that yaller hair even, without Its seemln' to float out. an' out, an' out into a sea of soft-boiled. In which her an' me was strufglin', to the howlln' of a tearln' tempest of blats. At last we arrived at Chamberlain. An' here's where the head-end collis­ ion of principles comes In, that t men­ tioned a while ago. Here's where Aconite Driscoll, who for days had been givin' a mother's care to two hun­ dred caws, was condemned f'r cruel­ ty; an' when he'd been strainin' every nerve an' dlsturbln' the egg market to keep from bustl*' » aet of concealed claws In a gover'ment contract, he was banished as an eggcessory to the crime of bilkln' poor Lo. This tradegy happens out #est o' the rivet* at the Isaue House. Reddy had a string of wagons with hog-racks onto 'em waitln' In the switch-yards when we whistled in, an' the way we yanked them infants off the cars and trundled 'em over the pontoon bridge, an' hit the trail f'r the Issue House, was a liiSh-class piece o' teamin'. We powdered across the country like the first batch of sooners at a reservation openin'. Out on the prairie was Reddy an' his pun­ chers, slowly drlbblin' the last of his steers Into the delivery, too anxious f'r me an' the caws to be ashamed of their emaciation. Out behind a butte, he had concealed a bunch of cow-stuff he'd deppytlzed as mothers pro tem to my waifs. The right way t've done, o' course, would've been to incorporated the two bunches in a unassumin' way at a remoter place, an' drove 'em gent­ ly in as much like cattle 'o the same family circles as yeh could make 'em look. Eut they wan't time. The end- gates was jerked out, an' the wagons ongently emptied like upsettin' a sleigh comin' home from spellln' school. Most all the orphans could an' did walk, an' I was so tickled at this testimonial to the egg-cure f'r youthful weakness, that We had 'em half-way to the place where the knives o' their owners-elect was a waitln' 'em when I looked around an' seen Miss Ainsley, an' the Chamberlain lady she was a* stayin' with/fetandln' where they must 'a' seen the way we mussed the caws hair up in gettin' of 'em on the ground. Gladys' eyes was a-blazln', an' they was a red spot in each cheek. She seemed sort o' pressin' forwards, like she wanted to mix it up, an' her lady friend was tryin' to head her off. I saw she didn't recognize me, an' I didn't thirst f'r recognition. I knew that love ain't so blind as she's been ad­ vertised, an' that I wouldn't never, no, never, be a nater's nobleman no more if she ever tumbled to the fact that the human omelette runnln' this caff business was A. Driscoll. It was only a case of sweet-gal-graduate palpita­ tion o' the heart anyhow, an' needed the bronzed cheek, the droopin' mus­ tache, the range pWes, the deadly gun, the diamond hitqh, and the centaur biz to keep It up to Its wonted palp. An' what was It that was offered to the gaze o' this romantic piece o' callc-, ker? Try to realize the truth in all its heejusness. Here was the afore­ mentioned Driscoll arrayed in what was once an A-l fifteen-dollar suit of clay-worsteds, a good biled shirt, an' a new celluloid collar. But how changed from what had been but three short days ago the cinnersure of the eye of every sure-thing or conman on South Ilalsted Street? Seventy-five per cent, of eight cases of eggs had went biller- in' over him. The shells of the same clung like barnacles to his apparel. His curlln' locks was matted an' mucl- laged like he'd made a premature get­ away from some liberal-minded sham- pooer; an' from under his beetlin' brows that looked like birds' nests from which broods had just hatched, glared eyes with vl'lence an' crime in every glance. Verily, Aconite was a beaut! An' here' a-comin' down upon him like the angel o' the Lord on the Assyrian host, come a starchy, lacey, filmy, ribbiny gal, that had onst let him hold her hand, by gum! her eyes burnin' with vengeance, an' that kin­ der corn-Bhucky rustlin' that ema­ nated mysterious from her dress as she walked, a drawin' nearder an' nearder every breath. "Gladys! Gladys!" says her lady friend. An' as Gladys slowed up, she says, lower: "I wouldn't interfere in this if I were you, dear!" "I must!" says Gladys. "It's my duty! I can't permit dumb animals to be treated so without a protest. It is civic cowardice not to do disagreeable things for principle. I wish to speak to the man in charge, please!" . I kep' minglin' with the herd, not carin' to have disagreeable things done to me for principle, but she cuts me out, an' says, says she, "Do you know that there's a law against cruelty to dumb animals?" "They ain't dumb," says I, trying to change my voice, an' offlcin' up to Reddy to shove 'em along to their fate while I held the foe in play. "When you've associated with these cute little cusses as long ata' Intermately as' I have, ma'am, you'll know that they have a language an' an ellerquence all their own, that takes 'em out of the pervlslons o' that law you speak of, an'--" Here's where I overplays my hand, an' lets her get onto the genuyne tones of my voice. I ortn't to done this, fr she'd heard it at close range. An' to make a dead cinch out of a good gamb­ lin' proposition, I looked her in the eyes. It was all off In a breath. She give a sort of gasp as If somethln' cold had hit her, an' went petrified, sort o' slow like. ' "Oh!" says she, turnin' her head to her friend. "I understand now what It was your husband was laughing about, and his odious jokes about fool­ ing the inspector; and the bearing of the article he showed us in the Chi­ cago paper! Oh, Mr. Driscoll. you to be so cruel; and to Impose these poor motherless creatures upon those Ig­ norant Indians, who are depending upon their living and becoming the nu­ cleus of their pastoral industry; and the first step to a higher civilization! I don't wonder that you look guilty, or try--" "I don't!" says I, f'r I didn't, as fer as the stock was concerned. "It's these here eight cases of eggs that make me look so. It's a matter o' clo's. An' the reds'll never raise cat­ tle." says I. "or anything but trouble in God's world. An' If these caws had as many mothers as a Mormon kid." I went on, "they'd be no better fr stew!" "Mr. Driscoll," says she. "don't ever speak to me again. I shall expose this matter to the Inspector!" I tried to lift my hat, hut It stuck to my hair; an' the sight of me pullin' desperately at my own head had some effect on her, fr she flees to her friend, actin' queer, but whuther laffln' 'r crjf- In' I couldn't say, an' I don't •'pose, she could. It's immaterial anyway, the main p'int bein' that her friend's hue* band, a friend of the senator's, per­ suaded her from havin' us all pinched, when she found that Reddy'd beat her to It with the cavva, the but we tit whicn vras expirin' under the squaws' hatchets as she hove In sight of the Is­ sue. at»\ the soup-kittlei? yaa all a^ , steamimY It reely was too iata to do anything, I guess. That night I alep" la Oacoma Jail. You naturally gravitate that way when fate has ground you about so fine, an' you begin to drift with the blizzard. I could 'a' stood the throw-down, but to be throwed down in a heap with eggs an' dirty clo'es, was too much. I took that suit an' made a bundle of It, an' out on the pontoon bridge I poked it into the Missouri with a pole. They're usln' the water to settle coffee with, I'm told, as fur down aa Saint Joe, to this day--'s good as the whites of egg*, the cooks say. Then, havin' wired my resignation to Elkins, feelln' that the world held no vocation f'r me but the whoop-er-up business, I re­ turned to the west side of the river as the only place suited to my talons, an' went forth to expel the eggs an' tender memories from my system with wet­ ness. I broke Jail in the mornin' but in a week I come to myself ag'ln on the same ol' cot in the same prehis­ toric calaboose, an' Mr. Elkins was keepin' the files off me with one o' them brushes made of a fringed news­ paper tacked to a stick. "I'v«s come," says he, "tq take yoo home, Aconite." "All right," says I, "but can yoa fix it up with the authorities?" "I'm Just going over to get youtr discharge," replies he. "They seem quite willing to part with you, now that they discover that none of your victims have anything deeper than flesh wounds. I've given bonds not to let you have your guns this side of the Stanley county line. I'll be back in half an hour with the horses." An' here's where I had a narrow es­ cape. I wouldn't have faced her, the girl, you know, f'r no money; but as Jim went away, right at the door I seen through a little winder a shim- merin' of white and blue. It was her, herself! She must have met Jim before, f'r I heard her speak his name an' mine. He seemed to be perlitely argu- ln' with her; an' then she went away with* him. I breathed easier to see her go, an' then set down an' cried like a baby. , A feller'll do that easy, when he's been on a tear, you know. Jim an' I rode all that day sayln' never a word. But when we'd turned in that night I mentioned the .matter. 'Mr. Elkins," says I, "she sure has got It in f'r me pretty strong, to foller me to jail to jump on me!" 'Aconite," says he, "I'll not deceive you. She has. Forget it!" NEEDS GUIDANCE BY BRAIN ll^ost Facile Pen of Little Avail if the Great Driving Force la Not Behind Ifc It is recorded of Daniel Webster that a friend presented him with a steel pen--an article not generally known in the active days of our great oratorical -genius. Webster found it practical ancT efficient. "But though it writes beautifully anil without scratching," he commented, "I could never learn to compose with it. Its fluency districts my mind from the matter in hand. I must compose with a quill, and make a fair copy, if need be, with the steel point." Mark Twain was one of the first literary men to experiment with a typewriter. He was enthusiastic about its possibili­ ties, but he admitted his style suffered from Its use. Ho needed a fountain pen to compose with. And yet, a few years before he had said the same thing about the fountain pen. Its nov­ elty, its tricks, Its very independence of the ink well, took his attention from his story: He could compose better with a steel pen or the stub of a lead pencil. It is probable that when the In­ ventor of the art of writing with a stylus upon waxen tablets introduced his Innovation the poet who had previously composed his deathless lyrics with a mall and chisel acknowl­ edged the ease of the new method, but complained that no good poetry could ever be composed by Its aid. One needs the fall of the hammer to emphasize the Ictus, he would Bay, and the ̂ heaving of it, up again to in­ dicate the arsiB. The caesura came when he paused to moisten his hands. All this leads to the statement of a modern American versifier to the ef­ fect that he cannot write poetry when he ia deprived of his typewriter. This poet was recently left without a ma­ chine, ju8t at the time when he was obliged to prepare some copy for the press. * He made shift with a pencil, but the result was trifling. "I cannot write poetry with a pencil," he apolo­ gized to his publisher. "I have lost the kn^ck of it." One can easily understand this. An Inspiration flashed across him--the laborious scrawling of it by slow and unaccustomed means deadened it and dulled It. With a typewriter he might have caught it on the wing and fixed it e'er it fled. Training an Oriental. A Canadian woman wanted to show her Chinese servant the correct way to announce visitors, and one after­ noon went outside her front door, rang the bell, and made the man usher her into the drawing room. The following afternoon the bell rang, and not hearing him answer it. she went to the door herself. To her surprise, he was standing waiting out­ side. "Why, Sing," she aaked, "what are you doing here?" "You foolee me yesterday, I fooiee yon today," was his reply.---Judge. "Canna Ye Boo, Ye Brute?" Rev. Maxwell Nicholson, when min­ ister of an Edinburgh parish, was called upon to marry a couple In hum­ ble lite*, and in the course of the cere­ mony he thrice asked the bridegroom whether he took "this woman" as his wedded wife without eliciting a reply. At last the patience of the bride was fairly overtaxed and she thus politely addressed her lord and master, in the hearing of the assembled friends, "Canna ye boo, ye brute?" SWAMP-ROOT rOR" ^ ̂ - KIDNEY AIMENT&t Do you ddtlre not tg be vulgar, then cease to be affected^ for we never knew an affected person who was not vulgar, nor one of natural Banners to whom the phraa* aculd b« applied --Hytct»& ^ j 0 There is only one medicine that really stands out pre-eminent as a medicine for curable ailments of the kidneys, liver and bladder. Dr. Kilmer's Swamp-Root stands the highest for the reason that it has proven to be just the remedy needed in thou­ sands upon thousands of distressing cases. Swamp-Root, a physician's prescription for special disease^ makes friends quickly be­ cause its mild and immediate effect ia a gen-soon realized in most cases. It is tie, healing vegetable compound. Start treatment at once. Sold at all drug stores in bottles of two sizes, medi­ um and large. However, if yon wish first to test this feat preparation send ten cents to Dr. ilmer 4 Co., Binghamton, N. Y., for a iample bottle. When writing be sure and mention this paper--Adv. At a Pink Tea, Maybe. It happened on a crowded street ear. Feminine knitters were on every hand, working on sweaters and socks in vari­ ous stages of completion. One wom­ an, however, was engaged with a piece of dainty white embroidery. After the conductor punched her ticket, he stood watching the jprogress of the work. Finally curiosity got the better of him, and he queried, inno­ cently. "Madam, where does a soldier wear that?" for a disordered 11 vet, take Garfield Tea, the Herb laxative. All druggists. Adv. the Who Would Not? Bacon--Which do you enjoy most, the day or the night time? Egbert--Well, you see, on (jpe side of my house is a shop where the test boilers all day, .and on the other side lives a man who Is testing his violin nearly all night. Come to think of it I think I enjoy the day time more. RECIPE FOR GRAY HAIR. To half pint of water add 1 oz. Bay Rum, a small box oi Barbo Compound, and % oz. of glycerine. Any druggist can put this up or you can mix it at home at very little cost. 'Full directions for mik­ ing and use come in each box of Barbo Compound. It will gradually darken streaked, f^ded gray hair, and make it soft and glossy. It will not color the scalp, is not •ticky or greasy, and does not rub on. Adv. But She Knew. Irate Father--"Jack is a close young man, Isn't he?" Sweet Thing--"Why father, how do you know?" Contentment may be measured by the things you are willing to do with­ out. Btrength. iuu Don*t accept CtearToaf Slrfn Siw Your H«h With Cittern So* 25c Ototm«rt29aMl90c STOP YOUR COUGHING Me ne«d t* let that coach persist. Stop tbs IrrltJitiou, and remove tlckliiut and tioaiw- M«s, by relieving the Inflamed throat with PISO'S v,ml Little Circulated His Way. Bacon--This report tells us that the total circulation of money in the Unit­ ed States last year was $3,419,168,368. Egbert--Well, now I understand what my doctor meant when he told me my troubles camo from, poor cir­ culation. A WOMAN'S WAR­ TIME DUTY Every woman should help with bandages, socks or "kits" for the soldiers who are our defense on the firing line. But many women are not strong enough to carry on their ordin­ ary household duties. You get strong, if you're a tired-out or "run-down" woman, with Dr. Pierce's Favorite Pre­ scription. And, if you suffer from any * womanly complaint" or disorder, you Eet well. For these two things -- to uild up women's strength, and to cure women's ailments -- this is the best medicine to benefit or cure. Send Dr. V. M. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Yn 10 cents for trial package of tablets. COUNCIL BI.UFFS, IOWA.--" Through over-work I developed woman's weak­ ness. I became all run - down, weak, nervous, could not eat nor sleep, suf­ fered with severe pains In my back and side and bear­ ing-down pains. For my ailment I took Dr. Pierce's Favori te Prescri p- iion and it was the means of restoring me to health ana fine medicine."--MBS. MART YUN, 3619 Avenue A. OTTTTMWA, IOWA.--"I had a bad case of nervous prostration. 1 was that way about four or five years. I took Doctor Pierce's Golden Med­ ical Discovery for about one ana one- half years when I stopped taking It be­ cause I was about w e l l . I t o o k n o other medicine so it must have cured me. I h a v e t a k e n i t several times since for other ailments, a n d h a v e a l w a v s been benefited by It. _ _ I think it saved my life."--MM. & ft OWKMS, 410 E. Fourth Street. CHILDREN WHO ARE SICKLY Mothers who value the health of their chil­ dren should never be Without MTin GRAY'S SWEET POWDERS f@M CHILDREN, for use w hen needed. They tend to Break up Colds, Relieve Feverishness, Worms, Constipation, Head­ ache, Teething disorders and Stomach Troubles. •ny Substitute. Used by Mothers for « years. Sold by Druggists everywhere M efj Trial narlrj)i>( FREE. AddfeCS A.S. OLMSTED," LE ROY, N. Y. F I S H E R M E N I r o ' E V r i E ? aoqnainted with the only mtwiiaiiic. ID the world devoted enUiwlv u> ttsU ing (official onaaol the National As- •oelktlon of Scientific Angling Clobsi published monthly. Will ma.ll yoq next three Bombers for OS# (•uunp* or currency) Reg. ula* subacrtpttoa V year. HE AMERICAN ANGLER 1400 Broadway, N. Y. City. •(if