The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

* ? C *. Mr- Fable of Leroy*| JKIty Exhibit - *• 8S . : By GEORGE ADE -j. <*«" V.--P • $ : ^ Si ' » |®, Bell Syndicate.)--WNU Service, ,NCE there was a jovi&l Wight named Leroy Gadsbie and when he left I'aluka to seek % Laurel Wreath and a Wheelbarrow full of Jack in the seething Metropolis, the Weekly Efflatus spoke truly when it said that the Best Wishes of the community went with the respected young Townsman. He was to the half*portion City known as Paluka what the pale-faced Prince y ; Is to the British Isles, vis., the Double - Carnation of the Botanical Section. y He was the blue-eyed Son of Destiny, ' the chief Iiing-Tailer and Loud Noise. ^ Some Bucko! ^3/j: *n addition to having a Social Status Ojtso elevated that he was Miles and ;V> Miles above the common or sport-shirt " \ * variety of Slicker who clogged up the '-Pool Rooms, he had earned the out- JV'-V* spoken Regard of the Hard Element -\1 because he was * Demon on Second ^ if/jA * '/ Base and had hung up a bloody liec- ; /»• «"• ord as Half Back. ' c ' Sometimes you find a Lad who has jt. Money, Looks, Horse-Power, Polite f; i y:' Manners, Sand, Gumption, and openfaced Democracy, all mixed together to make him King of the Works. LefSJfsC; roy was husky, amiable, accommodate J?'. • ing and suavely masterful. No one in " v Paulka felt like kidding him about the Spats and the Walking Stick. The ^ r Boy who can knock off Blocks has a ¥ Right to wear,Anything that suits hisv c' V jdle Fancy, One who is curly-headed and has the Biceps with which to overturn an Ox can do no Wrong. or, ifbe does, he can get away with it Long before he escaped to the larger Opportunities of the Big Burg, every "Tessie around the Place was ..ready to be overpowered by his Brute Strength, but he played no Favorites. The Latest Model. Word came that he was thriving • In his new Environment and finally arrived the Cards telling that Beatrice, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Ferdinand V'i e Wetherby was the Lucky Girl, with ; the Ceremony at the Church. and a \ ; Reception at the Home of the Bride's < . Parents. v , There was Crape hanging from many a Chandelier after the sad Tid- K'. • \ ings had been circulated. Everyone "V *„ hoped for the Best but just knew - that she wasn't good enough for Le- < & roy. He had the Makings of a swell Ifjf t Husband and it would be Tough Luck if he drew a Blank. Some of those that had been grown in Paluka certainly seemed good enough, even for a Gadsbie, and so there was a general, TrntH.o say aching. Curiosity to get a Peck at the Goddess who was so much superior to the home-grown Article. When Leroy brought his 1932 Model Bride out to Paluka so as to get her used to his Relatives, it was not known to Beatrice that she was about to be put under the Microscope and given the Acid Test. If she had been wise to the Situation, she would have known that in order to make good she would have to be a peerless Combination of Cleopatra, the Venus de Milo, Queen Marie of Rumania, Elsie Janis and Mary Roberts Rinehart. She had to have Everything and, even then, maybe she couldn't put it over and mftke the Grade. They saw her first at a Reception given by Pa and Ma Gadsbie in the Ancestral Palace with the Cupola on top of it. She was sparebuilt, with the general Lines of a Racer. She seemed laid out for Speed rather than Eudurance. She had the usual number of Eyes and her Bobbing undoubtedly had been done in a Beauty Shop instead of the Gem Tonsorial Parlors and her up-and-down Frock was figfired with Gold, so5 that even the most hard-boiled Critics would not discover many flaws in the Tout Ensemble, In the Old Days. Nevertheless, practically every Fe: male Member of the Smart Set of Paluka said, after getting a Flash at Beatrice, "Well, I'll declare!" It is almost impossible to indicate in cold Type just how they said it. There was more or less Emphasis on "declare" but the second Word was not neglected and there was, also, quite a bit of Stress on the "Well." The manner in which they ejaculated "Well, I'll declare!" seemed to indicate that they were surprised to discover that Leroy had married a fairsized Mortal of the Genus Flapper instead of an Ang'el with a Halo encircling her Head and two fully de-. veloped Wings sticking out behind. What helped to complicate and embarrass the Situation from the very Start 'was the Fact that nearly all of the Men seemed to cotton to her and gave her the rolling Eye and the prolohged Hand Clasp. They seemed to think that she was fully up to Plans and Specifications, whereas the Women Folks all began to Yes-But. They said her Clothes had been picked out by an Expert but they didn't think that She, Herself, was anything to rave about. When they all said the same Thing they figured that they must be right Mrs. Pilkins seemed to voice the Consensus when she said that Mrg. Gadsbie had a certain doll-like Beauty and a kind of Self-Assurance which gave the Impression of Poise but her Face somehow seemed lacking in) Character, possibly because she had a Weak Mouth. Undoubtedly Cain's Wife told o«in that she would try to get along with Abel's Wife and would even return Calls and exchange Dress Patterns, tat she never could trust to the «t- •oit a Woman who had sucli« W«k GUBERNATORIAL VOTE--GENESMonth. | aL ELECTION All Old Stuff. 1 November 8th, 1982 When Elisabeth was told that Wary f^oontf . Bond Boone .... Brown ... Bureau .. | Calhoun Carroll Clinton ...... Coles Cook Crawford Cumberland DeKalb ...... DeWitt Douglas Edgar ; Edwards Effingham Queen of Scots had been duly-executed » at the Tower, she said: "It is too bad Alexandar ...«*•** that I had to have her Head cut off but I knew she would start something, sooner or later. She was a Woman who could not be depended upon. She had a Weak Mouth." It may be explained that a Weak Mouth is the kind possessed by any Cass Person who is shy on Popularity with .Champaign ....^ the Party of the Second Part ] Christian Beatrice might have overcome the Clark awful Handicap if she had known Clay that she was in Dutch find that the Cards had been stacked^ against her. She thought she would be the ^real Wow in the Home Town Just because Leroy was Ace High, She seemed to think it was her Cue to gush over the simple Villagers and let them understand that fche didn't think she was any classier than they were, even if j Dupage was a high-class Pippin from the Avenue while they were a lot of webfooted Hicks. v The "more she gurgled, the more she gummed up the Program. She said she loved Paluka because it was such a quaint old Place with such a simple Background and so many droll Characters. This, to the Residents of a Municipality which was black in the Face from trying to be busy and hustling arid modern and up-to-date. Nothing that Beatrice said about Paluka could have been used in a Folder issued by the Chamber of Commerce. She seemed to regard Paluka as a Page out of "The Old Homestead" or "Way Down East," while the Residents flattered themselves that London, Paris and New York City didn't have .much of an Edge on them, coming Vight down to it. It wasn't because she smoked Cork Tips or was willing to fly at Anything which came out of a Shaker. All of the local Janies under the age of 60 were trying to be True Sports of the Country Club Variety. Where she crabbed Herself was in being surprised to learn that the untutored Yokels already knew about the Devices of Satan and didn't have to take lessons. She took particular Pains to show the Country Yaps an improper Dance Step which they had completely worn out about Two Months previously. She was a Nice Girl and her Heart was in the Right Place but after she had patronized the Small Towners for Three Days, registering Surprise whenever it became evident that they knew something besides Hay-Stacks and Pumpkins, one of the Men who had liked her at first stepped out in front and said he would be One of the Five fo act as a Committee on Tar and Feathers. There was no less than 18 Volunteers. MORAL: Never marry anyone who came from Somewhere Else. • 'Adams ' 18,916" 11,866 5^26 e i;f; 4,679 •*' * 3,382 , 3,842 2,268 ," 4,895 2 , 7 2 5 . - 1 , 1 7 5 8,614 :^10,414 1,954 V; 2,935A i 5,265. 15,346 : 9,847 . ' 5,209'y: 4,196 5 7,047 10,057' ^1,063,789 ;t 5,717 , 2,837 7,170 4,957 : 4,353 25,841 £ 7,173 ^ % 1,621 *• 5,843 • 1,435 •*., 5,360 ; i 3,061 14,373 ;vi 7,728 i 4,262 3,711 3,194 : 7,816 i83,460 4,924 2,427 8,850 V 4,437 % 3,852 27,625 v-'-:;. 6,338 f 2,573 ;fv: 3,308 Our Wasfungtoty - •-V.: Letter - --Br-- ' National Editorial Aaoodattaa Payette i 6,430 ft** 5,535 Ford • } 3,730 / 3,334 ! Franklin ...V..44 i .^12,541 10,018 ,Fulton v-ljl0,123 K> 9,601 Ga ' -- .Greene m- •M, I r. •f: Individual Sole Master of Hia Worldly Fate It ii a strange philosophy which seeks its course and fate in the portents of the stars, or in the lines upon the hand. No trait ef human life shows as clearly how tardy and tedious our progress from the superstitions and omens of the barbarians. The ancient Greeks and Romans, and their Phoenician predecessors, always consulted the oracles before a battle or other epochal event, and fatuously believed that the outcome was previsaged in the fight of a bird, or the color of a cloud. We, in these days, could far better mold our destiny and achieve our ends were we to employ the time and money spent in the cell of some astrologer, phrenologist or palmist in constructive, earnest effort for the task or duty of life immediately before us. The greatest of English poets has most wisely said that our fate lies not in our stars but in ourselves. What a world of truth there is in that brief epigram!--Exchange. •>v. ^ Razor Hu ILiitad Loag When razors were weapons and not hoes, an ancestor of Oliver Bollard, age seventy-two, Berlin (Mich.) farmer, bought one made of Damascus steel with a bone handle. That was 200 years ago. Since then the razor has been in daily use in the Bollard family, being handed down from father to son, the present owner having obtained it when he was nineteen years old. Constant honing hasvworn off the maker's name and the handle is no thicker than a piece of cardboard, but Bollard asserts the razor has etui another century of aervice left . 1 Grundy • ^.3,990 S' 5,152 Hamilton 3,844 •&% ^ 2,701 vHancock».rt*..^.;i;' 8,031 i- 5,268 Hardin .....i.....~>.. ^: 1,611 "it-1,624 Henderson : 1,846 : 2,286 Henry 9,181 11,429 Iroquois. 7,422 8,019 Jackson .8,950 8,127 Jefferson .......... . 8,948 5,656 Jasper 4,104 2,590 Jersey ............... 3,433 2,378 Jo Daviesa ........ •5,078 - 4,561 Johnson 2,224 * 2,607 Kane U!7,502 28,928 Kankakee 9,389 ' 14,844 Kendall . 2,202 2,847 Knox .12,927 11,021 Lake .................. 86,667 17,990 La Salle 24,298 - 21,716 Lawrence .......... 5,626 4,657 Lee 6,693 7,963 Livingston 9,063 \ 8,963 Logan ...HMMMHH., 7,289 6,478 Macon 20,549 17,408 Macoupin 13,041 8,739 Madison 82,996 21,256 Marion ...» 9,943 6,751 Marshall 3,774 3,447 Mason «... 5,181 2,941 • Massac 2,244 3,131 McDonough 6,881 - 6,716 McHenry 8,767 9,169 Mclean 17,853 17,043 Menard 3,277 2,413 Mercer 3,625 4,836 Monroe 3,440 2,551 Montgomery ...... 9,566 6,738 Morgan 9,759 7,535 Moultrie ' 3,793 2,554 Ogle 5,189 8,099 Peoria 81,702 -J 29,271 Iferry ................ > 6,699 4,394 Piatt 3,813 3^389 Pike 7,258 4,617 Pope ................ 1,560 2,206 Pulaski .............. 3,157 . 3,332 Putnam 1,084 1,486 Randolph 7,722 5,358 Richland 3,905 3,120 Rock Island 24,149 21,123 Saline 8,885 7,327 Sangamen ........ 27,454 80,830 Schuyleif ............ 3,499 2,241 Scott 2,691 . 2,036 Shelby 7,496 5,107 Stark • 2,077 ' 2,310 St. Clair 43,867 24,072 Stephenson ........ ' 10,427 8,867 Tazewell 10,946 9,430 Union 6,183 2,798 Vermilion 20,402 18,430 Wabash .............. 3,803 2,604 Warren 5,252 5,581 Washington 4,138 3,586 Wayne 5,040 4,364 White 5,626 3,631 Whiteside •.......... 7,231 - 10,837 Will .24,310 26,239 Williamson ........ 11,186 10,413 Winnebago ........ 19,693 • 23,575 Woodford .......... 4,648 4,230 Grand Total 1,930,330 1,804,043 Total vote receive# by other candidates for Governor. Roy E. Burt 89,380 J. E- Procum 2,896 Lecndies McDonald 12,4Gf> W. W. O'Brien 1,182 Scattering 14 Historic Trees The trees on the front terrace of Oarvel hall at Annapolis, Md., are between 250 and 300 years old. They are Ailanthus trees, the Chinese tree of heaven. No one seems to know how they happened to be planted on the front terrace of Carvel hall. They were brought from China in a sailing ship considerably over 200 years ago. The house in front of which they stand is the Prince George street entrance of Carvel hall hotel. It was built in 1764 by William Paca, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence and the third governor of Maryland.-- Exchange. Our Atmosphere * I tmow of no more encouragtep fact (iian the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It Is something to be able to paint a particular picture or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful ; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do.--Thoreau. Washington, January 4--Fresh from a short holiday the President and Congress are buckling down to face the heavy problems of the next two months. Desks are piled with important papers but it is safe to predict the business will be juggled over to the incoming Administration and the new session. It is unfortunate )or the public that office-holders have assumed an indifferent policy simply because they realize their official duties will end March 4. Unless the public demands action the next sixty days will be devoted largely to shadow-boxing. Perhaps this attitude is responsible for the enactment of the Norris amendment which, when ratified by the states, will shorten the careers of "lame-ducks" to January first and save the country valuable time. ' / " ' Current proposals for a general sales tax as a means of raising Federal revenues has been received with alarm in business quarters. Business men are frankly worried by the agitation because it vitally affects their production schedules and price lists. The uncertainty is bound to stall off an upward trend in employment and curtail buying power. It is .generally agreed that eleven million are unemployed. Advocates of sales taxes are just as far apart at this session as they were when Congress debated the original plan. Unless there is a sudden turn for harmony a sales tax bill will not be approved before March 4. Non-partisan observers are watching the by-play between the Democratic chieftains and the Progressives in the Senate. The support given Mr. Roosevelt by this clique in the campaign brings a puzzle to the Democratic legislative bosses. They would like to know what bargains were struck and if the deal might not prove a boomerang. The Progressives are notoriously individualistic and must be handled with a gloved hand. Some Republican leaders confidentially expect their Progressive brethcrn to return to the fold when they tire of cooperation with the new majority. The so-called "radicals" of the Republican party are at their best as gadflys. Few expect them to play peacefully with the herd no matter what plums are allotted. Roosevelt's pre-election policies were in accord with the Progressives in the main but the translation of the principles into laws may not set well with the tempermental Senators of the "radical wing." The beer bill is ^jue for examination by the Senate this week. An effort to Jmb it through wtthont proloaffed debate appears unlikely to succeed. The suggestions of allied farm organisations for relief do not appear to have a chance. The farm groups want a six months' moratorium on mortgages as an interval for adjustment; local debt arbitration committees to help debtors and creditors jnake voluntary adjustments; funds from the R.F.C. of Federal Land banks to aid refinancing. In adidition the farmers want the domestic allotment plan giving a bonus for crops sold in this country. The reorganization of government departments as an economy move >"«« struck a snag in the House. The Democrats are determined to balance the budget--a tremendous task. It is generally recognized that the prestige enjoyed by the banking fraternity has*lost much of its effectiveness during the last three years. A beautiful and impressive myth, which set the bankers above their fellowB fop their astuteness, has been dissipated by the turn of the economic wheel. Bankers are now on the defensive arid find! themselves where they must sell their services to the doubting public. Through tht> operation of Federal • agencies bjink operating arts* • With reorganisations creased efficiency the future banks are expected to improve. Sectionalism and patronage, maidens of politics, pop up in nection with the numerous gov ment buildings now under construc or projected in Washington and favored localities. The j»n<*'ent between the suppliers of limest and granite is kept raging with tions to Congress. It Is one of the troubles which the new Assistant Secretary of the Treasury in charge of public works will inherit. Indiana and New England and occasionally a few Southern states have much to (KKf about building materials. National Preserve ' We Gtoad Peak Prlmlttve area an expanse of 04,000 acres on the high core of the Bighorn mountains; In Wyoming. This area lies In the Bigborn National forest, midway between the Continental divide and the Biack hills, at 9.500 to 13,165 feet elevation. There are about 200 attractive lakes, many of glacial origin. There are no automobile roads. Wild life is ^bun.4. aut, and : suspensions have greatly diminished ual' °' WdS °f hoarding 01 currency has decreas^ed coalitions of^/^£KkSm#f The Comptroller of the Currency, who has supervision over banks, recently informed Congress that the country banker is so situated that his field for loans has narrowed ' until many are the j Forest service. • Sincerity. . ncerity and pure truth is shall pass current, ' ' ' YHOCk HIGH TEST The Real Tragedy A young man just out of college Uacle Efcem "Dar's a new kind o' hypocrite Id Uncle Eben. " 'Stld 0' pertendln' iceful an' pious, he lets on gunman."--W ashington No Other Gasoline is HIGH TEST (\\ for Quick Starting^ ami HIGH ANTI-KNOCK for Smoother Power on it ill8 and TAILOR-MADE for ILLINOIS Russian Workers to Be Put Back in Uniforms Moscow.--Local authorities have decided to put postmen, telegraph delivery people, and ^tfoncierges into uniforms again. It is believed to be a first step towards uniforming other types of employees. Uniforms, except for policemen qnd firemen, were abolished soon after the revolution, as a measure for avoiding the class distinctions of employment. Their gradual revival thua has a certain social interest. In the pre-revolutionary times Russia was perhaps the world's most uniformed country. Practically every profession, even clerks in government offices, had their prescribed apparel. In the reaction against this system the bolshevik regime abolished uniforms wherever possible. The special types of hats and insignia distinguishing engineers survived for many years, but finally also were abandoned. Today railway employees, street car conductors, and motormen and other workers usually uniformed in other countries have no distinctive clothes. The decision to put uniforms on letter carriers, telegram carriers, and janitors therefore marks the beginning of what may be a new policy in this connection. In justification it Is pointed out that the absence of uniforms gives thieves and other criminal elements a chance to enter strange houses under the pretense of deliverbig letters. Going Forward Be always displeased with what art, if thou desirest to attat u art not; for where thoti ^thyself, there thou abidestv yest I have enough, thoii ys add, always walk, Neither stand still, latfl^-fR. AOgtis* A few gasolines'are high test. A few others are high anti-knock. Most gasolines are neither. No gasolines have been exactly tailormade for each state and each cofl* ynunity. Until Skelly made and nounced New Skelly Aromax, no one thought a refiner could afford to offer high test, high anti-knock and tailor-made, ALL in one gale* line, at no extra cost* Skelly Oil Company has broken •H precedents because it wanted :;|i give you the most, for yoar money. Skelly wanted to give yd# - so much, in fact, that you would want to change to Skelly Aromax* Extra sales must pay Skelly for the extra refining cost--and extffe. sales are doing that. Hunk of the advantages yam have in this one gasoline. It It high test (gravity as high as 72 degrees) for instant starting. Such a volatile gasoline sprays into your cold motor in a fine mist which your spark easily "catchea" instantly. Skelly Aromax is high ant£* k n o c k . I t i » n o t c line which propels you with shot* gun-like "kicks." This gasoline exerts a strong, smooth,silent push on the piston at every explosions,; Just try its smoother power on it^ hill and compare it with other gasolines. 0nly Skettff Tailor* . . iQ Makes Gasoline Skelly Aromax is exactly tailor* made for each state and each confer munity. Skelly test car engineers made thousands of observation)! and recorded them each day. The facts they gathered and the Skelly plant equipment, enable Skelly Ife tailor-make every tankcar so It exactly fits the driving conditions at its destination. No other oil company has such facts and the, , plants to tailor-make its gasoline* Winter Gravity as high as 72 degrees--Tailor-made for local condition!. GASOLINES ARE NEltHLtt HIGH TEST NOR HIGH ANTI-KNOCK A. FEW GASOLINES ARE EITHER HIGH TEST OR H|GH ANTI-KNOCK --TW SKELLY GASOLINE IS BOTH HIGH TEST AND HIGH ANTI-KNOCK r uulIAIMW-MAPIfOB YOip STATE -a»». fcnock and TAILOR-MADE for ILLINOIS McHenry, Illinois i..., j '(?