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^ y\-3 ,,P,k 3;^?YF; *•>:<':" -? W*^y •&. ^**W ^.<?/A\; " Page Two / THE McHENEY PLAINDEALEB :-. m•4,.- 'r^. t^' i«?; e*<•r **.. ', WXt<Sef r<f» it-TWO? J„A 1 •"* " "?#': f , t ,* ' ! * JOHNSBURG te r £fe i'V" *V' **k •/ - • Mr. and Mrs. B. H. Stilling spent ^"Wednesday with their daughter", . Violet, at Hartland hospital. Mr. and Mrs. Wm. Adams wero Woodstock callers Saturday. 5 Math. J. Scfimitt of Greenwood was . a caller here Saturday. •»••• Wm. J. Meyers and son, Buddy, and Edward Schmitt were Woodstock callers Saturday evening. Due to the snow storm <3ame Ward- : en John M. Pitzen was unable to ' come home last week and; had to remain at Woodstock. Mrs. Anna Lunkenheimer is sick at this writing. ^ ^ : Mrs. John 'Schmitt &nA io Chicago callers Tuesday. - v Mrs. Bob Wilkie is spending thia - week at tho home of Mr. and Mrsi, . I'eter F. Freund. \ _ v_ ,M?ALL PAPER--A full stock of wait Jiaper, 48 patterns, just arrived/ at; prices you cannot duplicate' anywhere. -• '$rimmed free._. "Wm.H, Althoff Hdwe." . :Mc*Iem*y* 3? ,"f Mfs. Martha Freund * visited with $$»er .daughter, Gladys, at Hartland ^.Jiospital' one day last week. ; < Miss Ahnabelle Meyefs-of Wooidi fstock spent Sunday at the home l^er parents. - v vV Mr. and Mrs. Michael Obenaufi ands ;Mr. and Mi's. Peter M, Wagner of .Volo . were Sunday visitors in the home ofj Mr. and Mrs. Wm. AJthoff. Leo Smith was a Woodstock caller. Wednesday evening. Dr. Leo Gerlach spent last week in Chicago on account of the snowstorm. Mr. and Mrs. Joe King and Mr. and! Mrs. Wm. J. Meyers spent Sunday afternoon with, Mr. and Mrs. Johnj -King. . A sleigh ride party wad1 enjoyed by the five hundred club Wednesday afternoon to the home of Mrs. Steve May, prizes being awarded to Mrs. t)has. Michels, .Mrs." Steve May and Mrs. Bob Wilkie. The Rogues' Gallery McSorley Hit th« Table and Got Quite Angry'About II B*Y ®C® FROM THE PAPERS OF THE< IGNORAMUS CLUB Y: , Hello, folkies. That man's back again after a few weeks absence. •_This is Harold (Winchell) Taxman $ack on the job. Has this cold wea'bh- <fir got you ? "Well, as far as"tje Scouts are concerned it's got us, too. : Put it hasn't got the Scout Spirit, however. Instead, each Patrol must |fot a hike in before February 29. That, you see, is how the weather . affects us. To the Patrol Leaders I By STEPHEN LEACOCK OU remember I told you, a little while back, about the Ignoramus club of which I the secretary and how the Idea of the club is to get away from all the fuss and worry of the world, afid not to know anything and not to care anything about It. You remember that I said we don't know where Czeckoslovakla is and we don't care. If I have spelt it right, I apologize. I didn't mean to. We like t f-t away from all that and play golf, and go trout fishing and talk about hack-lot gardening and whether to tie tomatoes up on a stick or let them run on the ground. These are the real things in life; You get a few members of our club Into a keen talk on tomatoes and you're hearing something. Rilt. of course, we like in a-way Soriey h So Dean Elderberry Foible, who is Always very polite and old-fashioned, said that perhaps It would be better If he were to drop right Into the modera world: and there was a murmur of pleasure and applause all around the room. The members all sat up again and felt that they were going to get something. So the Dean began reading again. "The modern world begins with the Black Death, the expulsion of the Moors and. the disruption of Feudalism." There was a ripple of excitement at this because they all thought he meant the Black Death was coming, was going to happen now, and they thought that the expulsion of the Moors was a good-natured hit at the Sydney Moores being put out of the Arcadia apartments after the last kid was born. But when they gradually caught on that all these things happened, hundreds of years ago the- members just died on It again. So, of course, Mc- ~WOuT<T advise that you take a shortj {Q keep posted and we like to do good hike, preferably on skiis, so you can | And when the Idea came up that if we have a lot of fun and not get too held a lunch It might help to disarm cold. Here's something ior you to ~ think about. No cne has ever mads a pie on a hike in our Scout Troop. Let's see who is going to be the first Europe, the members were all for it. The proposal was that Dean Elderberry Foible, one of our senior members and a Dean of the college here (palmone to attempt this little, shall I say,; istry, I think), should read a paper trick. Bread has been made, and so on disarmament and that would- draw have biscuits, but pie is in the class j a good attendance especially if we had <>f the none-baked. Who'll be the; first to turn the tables? Because of the. inclement weather Ta "few of the Scouts were^missing but those that turned up had a^^ell tune Ringing' "Afou&tte" and '/John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt." An able subfresh asparagus and lots of It. Our members will go further for fresh asparagus than anything else; asparagus and cold salmon with a mayonnals salad and with a clear soup In front of It, and after it one of those things--whp.t d(> ynl-o-vent fetitute for Jack Hess as the leader, --anyway a GerniSS name. Some of the pamely, Scoutmaster Schoenholtz, did l committee thought It too light, that the •£>arkering,,>' if you know what I, the members would be too restless aftmean. A little under-cover news.j er It and wouldn't listen; a steak and Bruce Granger vo. •G., "a Scouts) j kidney pie or cold lobster holds an :.has a hew aong. It has something to jdo with "Plums." That's all I could get out of him. Sincu .swii.c of the gang Was not in the "old hall," Monday, I feel I can do a little preaching to them and all the rest of the Scouts, too, through the paper. The poor weather {vrwV& back to that again, if you don't mind) is a chance for you Scouts to prove yourselves "Prepared." What would you do ii you luuna a person frozen ? Of couse all of you that have passed _first aid would bring back the circulation of blood by the gradual warming of the body and the part frozen.* Also ice accidents are now a common everyday happening. Do your duty as a Scout to help other people at all times in case of such misfortunes. Also don't forget the /rest of the Scout training especially that which may turn up in the Scout 'Oath or ~ Law. Remember that you as. Scouts are better qualified in many Ways than the ordinary boy. Mr. Schoenhoiu remarked to me that he had a brain teaser for next week mat was plenty tough! iSCOUT HAROLD TAXMAN. audience down far better. They don't wake up much till the end. So the upshot was that McSorley, the president, decided that we'd hare the salmon and asparagus, with the steak and kidney pie on the side: It would |>oost the cost a little but he said be could make It up by using some of the money that the club has raised for the children's seaside fund. It hadn't gone as yet, and we could make it up to the little tots, McSorley said, later on and in other ways, perhaps at Xmas. McSorley's crazy over chlldren. ~ So we certainly had a fine turnout. McSorley had to hit the bell three or four tiines before they would stop eating. Even while the Dean was talking some of them were still reaching out for olives and things. Foible--makes the Dean to come right down to the world of today. So Doctor Foible gave a sigh and he turned over pages and pages of his manuscript and he began aga^n. "The world of today." "That's the stuff," said McSorley.. "The world of today begins with Queen Anne". ... McSorley. apologised and said that he was" afraid he must ask the Dean to come right down to the present. He said that It was such a glorious afternoon that lie wan sure the members would want to get on to the links or Into their back-lot gardens and so be would ask the Deafi to talk about things of right noW. , Well, with that, late In the day as usual with professors, Dean Foible got well started, And It certainly was Interesting! Did you. know that right after the great war all the European countries were Joined In a League of Nations, so that there can't be any war anyway? Hence why disarm? The Dean made It ad clear as anything, and the Ignoramus club Just ate It up. It seems that whenever any trouble starts the league holds a meeting at Lucarno, or at Stresa or at places like that, and that stops It. Some of the members had a little trouble with the names because they didn't know, or didn't remember, that Lucarno Is a hlg glimmer resort up on the Ca- On the Funny Side MitM Thursday, February, 20,193® SPRING GROVE REAL GENEROSITY A- group of men, of which . ® celebrated comedian was the center, were discussing actors, their qualities, and what some conceived to be their weaknesses. "Nb matter what Is said." remarked a nop-professional; "n0 matter what foibles they may have, aetors are always charitable." : "Charitable." exclaimed the comedU an. "You are right I never saw one yet who wouldn't take the other's part M He got a chance." / . *>. '/•: ;y; ' Open and .Shift-" " It was In anatomy class. The Junior Who hated girls was reciting, pointing Out the main characteristics of a skull. ' "It Is a well-shaped skull," he said. "This woman--" ' "Woman I" said the Instructor. "Just how do you know that this Is a woman's skull?" "The mouth Is open," said the junior who hated girls. • i Minute Calculation* *7" "How's your boy Josh doing In College?" "Fine," said Farmer Corntossel. "He has figured out a scale of prices that will let us know Just where we stand when they begin to sell potatoes by troy weight." ^ Not So Crazy One of the inmates of the asylum to the Janitor--Say, janitor,.la that clock right? - . Janitor--Yes. '• ' Inmate--Then what Is It doing here7 ANOTHER DETOUR WALL PAPER--A full stock of wall paper, 48 patterns, just arrived, at prices \,ou cannot duplicate anywhere. Trimmed free. Wm/H. Althoff Hdwe. McHenry. 39 King Cole Did Exist There was a King Cole, who was more than a legend and a character out of a jingle, according to the old chronicles. He is supposed to have reigned In Rrltnin during the Third century A. D. One version of his Btory asserts that he was the father of St Helena., who d,ied about 328. and who was fhe mother of Constantlne the Great. Roman emperor who made Byzantium his capital and for whom " tt was theren fter called^opfttapljliojlie^ The «ting» of Saturn The rings of Saturn spin around the planet rapidly. It is believed that they, consist of a'swarm of separate particles, each following Its owt» independent orbit. By means of a spectroscope the velocity of any point of the ring has been determined and it has been found that particles ^>n the Inner edge of the rlng^revolve about the planet in approximately five hours, while thpse on the outer edge require about 14 hours for one revolution. ?an hlderM'rry a fine appearance. He has frosty white hair and a face as red and pink as an apple and a healthy look, not like a professor at all. The boys all say he looks distinguished. So he is. IJe. writes letters to people like Mussolini and the Queen of Moravians and Winslow Churchill. Mussolini answered one: I think it was Mussolini. Anyway some one did: it dosen't matter. McSorley, when he announced that Doctor Foible would talk on disarmament, said lie looked upon him as the finest classical scholar in America. But the Dean very modestly said on rising that he must take exception' to that; he .was sure there must be at least 50 classical scholars in America as good as himself, or If 50 was an exaggeration; at any rate a dozen, or say six, or If not six at least two or three. Doctor Foible began by reading that the problem of disarmament went batk' to the Greeks and Romans and was one of the chief causes of the I'hll- Iponesian war. and that even, before the Creeks some of the greatest Wars of the old Babylonians were due to disarmament. ; At that point McSorley rose vand said he was sorry Jo Interrupt the dean but he didn't think that the club wanted to go backwards: he doubted whether any of the members knew wliere Babylon was, apart from those who had traveled In Central America^ and he said that the Greeks and Romans seemed pretty far away too. tlneau In Quebec. Stresa was worse. Well, we gathered froth the Dean's talk that Europe is In a pretty ticklish condition, just the same. It seems to come and go. Last Tuesday things looked -pretty good, and then on Wednesday, It appears, England held a "cohvermtUon" with Ilitlcr .or with "My New Year resolutions "have all gone to seed." "Cheer up, old chap; they will sprout again next New Year's." "Stuck to Him Howell--Much depends on the formation of early habits. Powell--1 know It. When I was a baby my mother hired a woman to •wheel me about, and I have been pushed for money ever sloe*. Good Boy YsXhvt (to son at end of school term)--Well, my boy, what results have we this term? Son--Not so bad, dad, I am next to the top boy when we stand round in a Coupons •"* Suzanne--Still at It? And I heard you say you were going to cut out smoking on your birthday. Robert--I was, but I found I had just enough coupons to get this per* fectly grand cigarette case. Mr. and Mrs. A1 Schmeltzer motor ed to Chicago on Thursday. « BJlss Evelyn Sanders entertained a girl friend from McHenry over the weekend. Stephen Justen, McHenry, spent several days last week with his sister, Mrs. .Margaret Bower. \ Mrs. Nick Nett, Mrs. Frank Sanders and Mrs. Arthur Kattner enjoyed an. afternoon at cards in the home of Mrs. Math Nimsgern on Friday. The Anton Meyers family, Charles May family and Martin May of Highland Park visited with their parents, Mr. and Mrs. Anton May on Sunday. Roselle Lay came home from Chicago to attend her grandfather's funeral. ° WALL PAPER--A full1 stock eff wall paper, 48 patterns, just arrived, at prices j^ou cannot duplicate anywhere. Trimmed free. Wm.H. Althoff; Hdwe'. McHenry. . 39 G. H. Jone^v Chicago, spent Saturday in his home here. - Mrs. Ina Gracey and two children and Mr. and Mrs. Reed Carr motored to Woodstock and. Crystal Lake on Sunday. . . Misses Berniece and. Lucille Nimsgern, Chicago, visited their parents, Mr. and Mrs. Math Nimsgern on (Sunday. . \ v The pot-IUck"dinner, which Vas' to be held in the Reed Carr home, is postponed until further notice. The Pleasure Seekers postoned their jegular monthly meeting the first of the month. It will be held on Sunday, Feb. 23, at Mrs. Arthur Klein's home in Johnsburg. Martin Lay Martin Lay, 80 years old, long time resident of this vicinity, died at the home of his son, Joseph Lay, at 12 o'clofck Thursday night. He was born on a farm near Johnsburg to Mathias and Helena Lay on March 15, 185G. He was united in marriage to Anna Weber in 1881, the ceremony being solemnized by Father Fegers of St. John's church, Johnsburg. To this union seven children were born. Hi3 wife and two daughters, Mrs. Anthony Schmitt and Mrs. Stephen Justen; have preceded him in death. His wife passed away in March. 1928. He is survived by four sons, Math, John, Joseph and Peter Lay, one daughter, Mrs. William KJapperich of McHenry and twenty-three grandchildren. Funeral services were held at 10 o'clock Monday morning at St. Peter's church with Rev. J. L. Daleiden officiating. Pallbearers were Leo Lay, Leander Lay,--Edward Klapperich, Lavronce Klapperich, Clarence Justen and Ralph Justen, grandchildren of the deceased. Burial at St. John's cemetery in Johnsburg. Among those from out of town who attended the funeral w°re: St«nhen Justen, daughter, Ruth. Mrs. William Klapperich and sons, McHenry; Martin Freund, Mr. and Mrs. Peter Freund. Volo; Mrs. Pe'er Weber. Miss Amelia Weber. Fenry Weber. Mr. and Mrs. Martin Weber, ,ToV.nsb"rfr: Mr. and Mrs. William Britz, daughter, Shirley, Fox Lake. . v . . . . Card of Thanks We wish to exnr°ss our sincere thanks to our friends and neighbors for their sympathy and ^kindliness. Also to the donors of cars and driv- ' " MARTIN LAY FAMILY. MAIL CARRIER'S CAR DAMAGED IN CRASH .'.'TO# *rural mail" carriers are in for more than their share of hard luck these days, and Ray Page, carrier from the McHenry office, is meeting with varied experiences. In addition to moving jfrom his farm home to his home on Elgin road by the slow process of transporting a few goods oh bobsleds apd having to walk to and from his home in the country since the roads have been impassable for automobiles, he has also had two accidents in which his car has been damaged. While driving through a narrow tunnel of snow; near Volo, wljile delivering mail one day last week, he met a bread truck in a head-on collision, vision being poor because of drifting snow. The radiator and front end of his car Was badly, damaged. WINTER IS EFFECTIVE AS CRIME DETERRENT Need rubber stamps ? Qrder at the Plaindealer. Winter's bitter three weeks seige zero weather brought one boon tb Chicago, says the Chicago Tribune.- Fearful of,getting their ears frozen or being unable to escape on slippery streets, robbers, burglars, purse snatchers, and other hoodlums have remained at home by the fire. "The year around average for 'stick-ups' is about thirty a day with fifty on a Saturday night," explained Deputy Chief of Detectives Walter StOrfa, "But since Jan. 22, when the zero1 weather started, ' such crimes have ranged only from six to twenty-eight a; day," BOOKS WANTED The committee working at the public library, will be glad to receive all books to be donated to the library as soon as possible so" that they mayt h® on. the shelves when the library tig; opened. . ; - WALL PAPER---A full stock of Will \ paper, 48 patterns, just arrived,' at prices you cannot duplicate anywhere. Trimmed free. Wm.H. Althoff Hdw<?. McHenry. * Dr. C. Keller OPTOMETRIST Sundays and Mondays at ny Summer Home, Riverside Drire, McHenry, I1L All Kindfl of Repairs* M Jll-R SPECIAL THIS WEEK BRIDGE LAMP SHADE WHILE THEY LAST) 2 TO A CUSTOMER t Beautifully Soft Colors with High Glott Crystaline Finish, in Delicate Designs Not a Cheap Printed Shade Size 12" AH with Bridge Holders, r Regular Value 39c Wm. H. Althoff Hardware Corner Main St. and U. S. 12 West McHenry, 113. Mother Know* Best Daughter--Marry that old rich fool? Why, I'd die first. - Modern Mother--Nonsense, my dear; he's not as strong as be looks.--Pearson's Weekly. S"me one and put things to the bad. However. It blew over till Friday and then some one "asked a question" In the French chamber--the word means "room apartment, or bedroom." and things started again. : Tlie Dean had just got to there when there was a big noise outside in the street and* the fire engines went past. The°°au(lience could hardly sit. And then some one put his head In at the door and called out: "Roys, It's Nlacplier$on's Flour'and Feed and the.v say one of the stenographers Is caught In the upper office ind she may get burnt up!" So of course the meeting broke np and they all ruslied for the street. To rescue the stenographer? Yes. of course, to rescue her IT tliey could, and If not. well, they didn't want her to he burnt up, but If she was going to be burnt up anyway, you know what 1 mean, we're not Europeans, but If she had to be burnt up, well, you see It.. However, they got her out all except that her hair was pretty muc'a scorched. Too bad, wasn't it. Even so, J think the meeting left a\ sort of painful impression, all that talk of wars and quarrels. Most of tlie members. I think, were glad to get into their back garden lots and help the girls water the grass path. 01 ad we don't live in Europe, eh, what? G 8t*ph«n M«cock.--WNU Service ' " ' Our Rate* Are $3 - "No. SH), yon have been granted a re: mission of your three years' sentence."! No. 9J>--Well, that's awkward, sir. When I came in here 1 let my house, for three; years. Much at Stake Fleet--It's tough when you have to pay 40 cents a pound for meat. Butcher--Yes, but it'd be a Sight tougher if you only paid^10.--Pathfinder Magazine,. ANOTHER PUZZLE School Withip English Church The Latitudlnarlans was a school Within the English church tn the latter half of the Seventeenth century. The school was represented by Cambridge 1 university divines, of whom the chief were Wlcheote, Smith, Cudworth and More.^ These divines sought to wed philosophy to religion on a basis of Conrult ***•% River Jordan Muddy me River Jordan In Palestine, Chrta* tlanlty's most sacred, stream since the day when the first Christian baptism took place in It, Is a muddy, narrow and nnnavlgahle little river, running through a wilderness that, as far as Is known., has never nurtured one Important town.--Collier's Weekly. Ghick--It's funny, Turtle--What 1st Chick7T-You say you^rt ^jrt# old, and yon're not out of your shell yet. : Plenty / • "Did you ever meet * man Whose touch seemed to thrill every fiber your being?" ' , • . : "Yes, the dentist!" '» Yellowstone, U. S. Reservation Yellowstone National park Is e United States government reservation. Independent of county organizations In all the three states Jn which )t Met. Pergamene Marbles ^fehe Pergamene marbles are a collet tlon of Greek sculptures consisting chiefly of frler.es from the altar of Zeus at Pergamos, dating from the first half of the Second century B. C. They were excavated Ijy the Germans between 1S78 and 1886 and are now In Berlin. USE IT FREEl 3 •fritsi-sa if. The new Thor "gentle hand" is imliike anything you have ever seen. Developed and perfected after years of effort, it combines the best features of all previous washing methods to give you faster, cleaner, safer; and more thorough washings. Before you buy, try it at our expense. Special introductory Offer... model illustrated only $59-50, terms as low as $2 down, 77c a week. {Small carrying charge for dtferred payments) Special LAUNDRY VALUES While they last, late model Thor and Conlon floor sample washers at big reductions. Act quickly. * 1936 Thor and Conlon ironers, 12 down, balance as low as 10 cents a day. FREE HOME TRIAL Special low terms when any combination of washer, ironer, or - water heater is purchased at one time. For a limited time only. WALL PAPER--A full stock of -Wall pager, • 48 patterns, just arrived, at prices you cannot duplicate anywhere. Trimmed free. Wmi. Althoff H4we. McHenry. W. The new Thor "geiide hand" washing device thoroughly washes all your laundry as gently as you would wash it by hand. See it io ectioa at your Public Sendee Scon. PUBLIC SERVICE COMPANY OF NORTHERN ILLINOIS Near Dudley Crafts Wrtmi At- CMS* topics ctese te the heart of every home lover, and Harold Stokes* Orchestra In a delightful musical profrMa. TUNE m WGN •wmr WMhiwtfwfrNlae it Mt • • t V "J Telephone: OtftUX Lake 280