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RIVING a horse is one of those | simple processes, like sailing: a * boat, which anyone can master without previous experience Every-.- feody knows that there is nothing diffi­ cult about it, and those that have never done it are perfectly aware of their ability to do it, if they choose. But "driving from the back seat" is QBite a different thing: that is a grave •nd serious affair, an undertaking of tragic intensity. There is not one mo­ ment of calm, peaceful enjoyment for those so employed. Every circumstance and incident to them is vital and mo­ mentous; each turn in the road bids fair to be a certain pathway to destruction; •very signboard is a false, deceitful snare set to mislead them, while each movement of the horse is but an index of vicious propensities about to be re­ vealed. In fact, this method of driv­ ing is not only physically exhausting, but mentally depressing and spiritu­ ally demoralizing, and not alone does the driver suffer, but also all who are unfortunate enough to find themselves 4n the same vehicle with such a one. Perhaps a brief description of my own will best serve to illustrate my theme. "she added plaintively, "yon really want him to run away arid smash us up." "That's my, idea, precisely," he an­ swered pleasantly, as we left the lake drive and began to climb a neighboring hill. -During, bur ascent Mrs. Grazier fixed her attention upon the check reins. s'It seems to me. Willard, that these horses are checked up unnecessarily tight; it is nothing but that, I am sure, that makes them act so."" "But they haven't acted so," her hus­ band remonstrated. "Well, they will--I'm perfectly posi­ tive t' ey will--when they come to go down this steep hill; 1 can tell by the way that they prick up their ears." " At'the summit we drew rein. "Not a bad view here," my host announced, pointing with his whip to the glorious picture spread out beneath us. "Now, Willard, you watch the horses, and let us admire, the view." Mrs. Grazier earnestly Admonished, without eliciting any response from the occu­ pant of the front seat, who continued to point out to me special features in the surrounding landscape, despite her protest -- We shortly began to descend the hill, which process I foresaw would permit 1 had run down to spend a couple ot j hostess ample opportunity to lend Jays with my friends the Graziers, who j ^er ever ready assistance from the back Were occupying a charming country i seat> an(^ * nas right in my sur- place for the summer. On the after­ noon of my arrival my hostess sug­ gested that possibly I might enjoy a drive over to Pine Knoll, which they deemed a most desirable point from which to view the country round about. I, of course, expressed myself delighted pith the idea of a quiet country drive er the rush and turmoil of the city, ft;om which I had just, escaped. Immediately after luncheon a light twef-seated wagon drawn by a pair of spirited bays appeared at the door. Mrs. Grazier and I took our seats be­ hind and Mr. Grazier, springing into the seat in front, took the reins and we were whirled away down the long.' | Smooth driveway, beneath rows of fine i old elms. I glanced admiringly at tliem j as we passed along, and turned to my i hostess enthusiastically, "What magni- j ficent trees these are," I ejaculated. She, however, failed to respond, and I I noticed that her lips were tightly J compressed. "Be careful, Willard, when you turn into the road," she said warningly, and I perceived that we were approaching the picturesque stone gateway, over which much su­ perb English ivy was gracefully twin­ ing- "We're very proud of that ivy," Mr. Grazier remarked, eyeing it with satis­ faction, as the bays turned smoothly out into the road. "It is beautiful," I murmured, trans­ ferring my attention to his wife, who was holding her breath and firmly grasping her side of the wagon. "Are you timid about driving?" I ask­ ed, sympathetically. • "Oh, no,".she returned, "only my hus­ band absolutely disregards every sug­ gestion of mine," and she sighed deep- *7 "Indeed," I "said, lowering my tone, BO that it might reach her ears alone, while I eyed the bays uneasily, "and ten't Mr. Grazier used to driving?" "He ought to be," she responded, "for he has driven since he was a boy." I felt relieved, though still puzzled. "But you are a great horsewoman your­ self, then," I persisted. She shrugged her shoulders. "Not to the least. I never touch the reins if I can help it," she concluded. At this point I became convinced that Mr. Grazier had very sharp ears, for, as I Continued to regard her question- Ingly, he remarked lightly, "Mrs. Gra­ zier drives from the back seat" I laughed with all the fervor of one ^ho does not see the joke, wondering meanwhile what he could mean. Be­ fore the afternoon was over, however, I understood his meaning perfectly. "Willard, here comes one of those <freadful coaches," his mentor began almost immediately. "Be sure that you turn out more than you did the other afternoon. I never saw a man take such risks." In a few minutes one of the horses whisked his tail over one of the reins, which was promptly freed by Mr. Gra- aier; this gave his better half a chance to suggest that a tighter rein would have prevented the catastrophe. "Some one was telling me the other day, Wil- tard," she went on, "that when a horse !y ; spot, but my memory of th£ way thither and back is clouded by my too vivid recollection of my hostess'•par­ ticipation In the management of the bays. 1 6 _ - *. If we crossed a bridge Villard was reminded of the sign which directed tils to "walk the horses;" If we passed a wagoner in a narrow part of the road he was conjured not to tip up down the steep' embankment. Ift.tlie horses quickened their pace, it Vas cruel to drive so fast, and if they slowed up they were overheated, or had, doubt­ less, stones in their feet. At every water-trough Mrs. Grazier felt sure that they were dying, of thirst, until at last we stopped, and after much delay and a struggle to unhitch their checkreins we ascertained that neither of them could be induced to touch a -drop. v. The most trying time of all was prob­ ably when we turned around in a very limited space on top of Pine Knoll, but upon that I will not enlarge. When we reached home I felt tired and exhausted, well nigh sick, while my hostess sighed deeply as she alight­ ed. declaring that she couldn't under­ stand why driving fatigued her so. Even Mr. Grazier, despite his ada­ mantine nerves, appeared somewhat weary, as lie replied: "It's not; driving that tires you, but driving from the back seat Mrs, Grazier." , Since my country drive-I have often observed people .endowed with those characteristics so prominent in Mrs. Grazier. In every club, society Or so­ cial gathering I have found them pres­ ent; iu fact wherever human beings1 strive or struggle, wherever they con­ gregate for work or for amusetnefit, soine are present who ever 'Stand one side, their mission being to advise, di­ rect and criticise. They make them­ selves generally useful by telling others what they ought to do and how to do it. And as often as it is my misfortune to run across them, and their name is legion. I regret to say, my painful coun­ try drive rises before me, and I mur­ mur: "I know you well, my friends: therefore I shun you, as I do all of your kind, who, like you, are driving from the back seat."--Boston Transcript DINED WITH THE GOVERNOR. mises. j It was "Willard, what a loose rein you ! have! Can't 'you realize that they're • likely to stumble at any moment?" Or, | "Willard* we're coming to one of those | dangerous 4thank-you-ma'ams,' do be careful." * I sat by wondering at Mr. Grazier's Unruffled composure under the contin­ ual fire, but reflected that doubtless he was used to it Next, we reached the crossroads, and Mr. Grazier turned the horses to the right, remarking: "Here we leave the main road for a drive through the woods" "Oh, no, Willard, I'm sure you're mis­ taken." his wife declared, "we ought to keep to the main road for at least a mile more. I remember perfectly just how every inch of the road looked the last time I drove over it." "My dear, I am absolutely sure that this Is the road," he replied, whipping up the horses. Mrs. Grazier leaned back in her seat with an expression of Intense resigna­ tion depicted upon her face. "Very well; take us anywhere you please, pro­ vided that you get us home finally. I shall not say another word; I have of­ fered all the advice that I intend to this afternoon." I heard this statement with much sat­ isfaction, feeling That advice was not, after all the necessary accompaniment of a thoroughly charming country drive. "This woody road is lovely, at all events, and so shady and cool," I put in timidly. "Yes, i tis very pretty here," Mrs. Grazier assented; then she added: "Wil­ lard, I see a farmer coming and I want you just to ask him. if this is the right road." "But I know it is the road." "No matter, I should think you might ask him, if only to set my mind at rest." "I suppose it would rest it very much if he had said it was the wrong road." "There, that's why you won't inquire: you know beTl say it's the .wrong road." Just then the farmer came alongside, and Mr. Grazier, who was apparently determined not to stop, suddenly drew rein, more abruptly, I fancied, thaii was wholly necessary, and my com­ panion on the back seat, after exclaim­ ing, 'How could you, Willard?' eagerly addressed the fanner: "Is this the road to Pine Knoll?" "To Pine what?" he questioned, blankly. "Pine Knoll, a hill with trees on it?" she explained. "Wall, I can't say," he responded. "I ain't much acquainted up this way, but I reckon you'll find pines all about here." "Thank you," his interlocutor said briefly, and we drove on. "Now, we must stop and ask at the next farmhouse, Willard," my hostess announced; "they certainly are ac­ quainted with the neighborhood." "But how absurd, when I know that the knoll Is not half a mile from this very farmhouse." "So you imagine, Willard, but I think Will Make Governors' Shoes. The Governors of the different States of the Union have a very important personage looking after their interests just now. in the person of Harry J. Mooney, the "Brocton' Shoemaker." ~ It is probably the first time in the history of the United States that there exists a genuine "Bootmaker to his excellency;" but Mr. Mooney is filling that position very acceptably. In his occupation the Massachusetts cobbler much resembles the famous bootmaker of Versailles, who followed his majes­ ty. the Emperor Napoleon, everywhere and looked after the sovereign's foot­ wear. but iu appearance Mr. Mooney is the ideal type of the hardy New Eng­ land mechanic. Mooney's idea is original, ft is his intention to visit the capital of every State in the Union and make a pair of tine hand-sewed shoes for the State's chief executive, "free, gratis, for notli- He started out from his native town July 30 last, without any money in his pocket, and vowed that he would live for twelve months on honest labor, well performed, and make boots for all the Governors besides. Armed with a recommendation from Mayor Whiffle, of Brocton, he first call­ ed on Gov. Cleaves, of Maine, and made that gentleman a pair of shoes. In return he received a letter of intro­ duction to the Governor of Massachu­ setts. from whom, in turn, he got a let­ ter for Gov. Bissell, of New Hamp­ shire. Mooney expects to have a letter from every Governor to bring back with him, and possibly one from the President, if he is allowed an audience. He expects to reach the Pacific coast in about three months, and will return home by way of the Southern States.--New York Mercury. Mark Twain's Story of the ^*1". Salt1 Who Knew Governor Russell. ; Mark Twain told a capital story capitally the other day,' which he said had nev^r been in print, but Which de­ serves to be if for no other reason than to allow it to fall Into the hands of the self-appointed managers of the embryo presidential bpom of its hero. Itfwas on the ship coming home from Europe at the entertainment given in aid of poor sailors that Mr. Clemens recalled the tale In response to the encore de­ manded after he read a selection from his own.writings. Naturally he turned to the sea aud seafolk for inspiration. This was the story, robbed "Jjerforce of. all the inimitable features of the telling peculiar to Mark Twain in his happiest mood, when the words drawl their slow length along, fairly floating in their humor, which is frequently far more in the style of utterance than in the mat­ ter itself. He had the tale from an old salt he met once en route to Havana. The old salt, who was a Nantucket fisherman and for many years master of a craft of his, own, was reminiscing about the queer characters and odd ex­ periences he had encountered first and last in his day. Shortly before, the Nantucketer and Mark Twain came across each other the old captain, just home from a long voyage, together with the mate of his vessel, had gone up to Boston to see the sights. Among them they concluded to take' a luiicheon at a swell hotel just to see what a swell hotel was like. After many mean- derings they fetched up at the Tre- mont house, uow soon to be no more, and got fairly seated at one of the tables in "the main dining-room., While they were waiting for their best substitute for plum duff they noticed that a great deal of attention was being paid fo a gentleman who had just come In ac­ companied by two ladies. They were impressed by this that the captain asked the waiter who the important personage was, and he learned that he was the Governor of Massachusetts. When he named the Governor the cap­ tain's memory was stirred, and, with his seaman's love of dramatic effects, he turned to his mate and "bet a fiver" that he'd go-over and shake hands with the Governor. The mate bet a fiver he "dassent." But the captain wasn't daunted; he added that he was ready to bet another fiver that the Governor would not only shake hands with him but would ask him to dinner; The mate accepted this wager, too, and the cap­ tain "gave a hitch to his trousers," which is a trick all seamen "larn," and got up. In telliug the story lie said he almost felt ready to lose his wager aftef he started, but lie didn't want to 4*lake a fool of himself, so he went over to the Governor's table and made his best bow and said, "How do y'ou do?" The Gov­ ernor said, "How do you do?" too, but went on to say that he wasn't able to place the face, and so on. The captain had his pedigree all ready; it consisted of lvis own name and the name of his vessel. The mate, who was looking on, saw a change come over the face of the Governor, and waiters and all were much surprised to see the stately digni­ tary leave his chair at a step, grasp the hand of the queer-looking old vpodger and shake it vigorously. The captain was asked at once to sit down and have some luncheon, but he said he couldn't as he'd left his mate over aft there. "Well, go get your mate," said his excel­ lency; "there's room for all of us; if there isn't we'll have room made; here, waiter " The upshot of it was that the first lady in the Bay State and her sister and his excellency the Governor and the captain and his mate ate together in peace and harmony and a flood of old- time memories, and the mate lost his two fivers. The Governor was William E. Russell. Massachusetts' "boy" Gov­ ernor, who filled the executive chair with his democratic presence so well that he filled it for three years in that proverbially Republican State. -New York Commercial Advertiser. metal, possibly silver, an5 Is somewhat larger than an English half cro\vn. The Tageblatt doubts whether the despon­ dent Napoleon himself gave the order for such a medal to be coined, and Is rather inclined to think that It is only the speculation of a certain business firm which reckoned confidently upon French conquest of Germany, and re­ solved to get an early profit out of it- Westminster Gazette. How He Got the Hotel. A well-dressed, middle-.aged man sat at a table' in aGfant avenue restaurant industriously picking the bones of a small bird. He held a leg in his fingers, and after he had stripped the bone care­ lessly tossed it off the table on the floor. The other diners sitting near were prop­ erly shocked, and a surprised waiter picked up the bone and carried it out The man seemed abstracted, and did not observe that he had created a sen­ sation as he picked tip the other leg. Hie nibbled at it, surveyed it critical­ ly, and nibbled again till it was bare and then tossed it over his shoulder. It landed on the plate of an elderly gentleman who was dining at the next table. •> V "What in thunder!" he roared, and two waiters hurried to'remove the of­ fending bone. "Who did that?" he demanded, indig­ nantly. : ' "This gentleman here, sir," whisper­ ed the waiter, shaking his napkin to­ ward the man, who was calmly picking another bone, / v \ "Look here, sir. Bo----" The elderly gentleman dodged the breastbone as it came flying over the other man's shoulder. /'Here! Confound you!" shouted the old man as he grabbed the other by the shoulder. "Do you think I'm a dog! What do you mean, sir?" "Wha-wha-what is the matter?" he stammered. "Matter? What do you mean by throwing your old bones over here on my table, sir?"' "Did I do that?" "Yes, you did. What do you mean by such conduct?" "I beg a thousand pardons, sir. I've just returned from a month's camping trip, and I've been throwing bones over my shoulder ever since I started."--San -Francisco- Post One for the Dentists. A physical phenomenon was reported -$y telephone to the Press an < 1 Mail this morning, but inasmuch as the story sounds very much like a fake its accu­ racy will not be vouched for. It is or­ iginal, even if it is untrue, and there­ fore may prove interesting as a bit of romance. It was stated thait Henry Westfall, the 2-year-old son of Otto Westfall, residing at Railroad street and Asbury avenue (this thoroughfare does not cross according to the direc­ tory) died this morning at & o'clock. Ten days ago the iufarnt suddenly be­ came unconscious; Previously It did not have a tooth in its head. Three hours before it expired it opened its mouth, which had been continuously closed, and much to the surprise of Dr. E. P. Clapp, the attending physician, its upper and lower jaws were decked with a full set of front aud back teethe not the ordinary molusks that favor infancy, but teeth that any adult might be proud of. According to the telephon­ ic correspondent the doctor was startled and could offer no explanation. He said he would at once call the atten­ tion of the medical fraternity to- the extraordinary occurrence and see if there had ever been a similar case. Dr. Clapp's name is not in the directory or telephone, and Westfall's address is absent from the former volume.--Chi­ cago Press and Mail. tt" A PHANTOM ENGINE. The Weird Experience of a. Railroad ' " _ Knsineer. ;--i "Did „you ever hear , of a phantom locomotive?" inquired one of the old time Union Pacific engineers of a num­ ber of his associates who .were relating their experience and hairbreadth es­ capes. All the men, who have grown gray at the throttle, admitted this was a new one on them, and the old timer proceeded: "Back in the 70s the Union Pacific ran an engine called the 'pusher' on the west side of Sherman hill, to assist the trains up between Laramie and the summit- After helping a train up the hill the engine would be tun back to Laramie. "I was in change of an engine pulling the regular passenger up the hill one gray morning. Just as we neared the snow shed .that used to stand at Har­ ney siding an engine suddenly popped out in front of us. Before I had time to even get a square look at her she disappeared in the shed "and was lost to view. The whole thing happened so suddenly that I was d urn founded, but I was positive I had seen an engine, and so was my fireman. I at once shut off, and the train came to a standstill. The conductor came over and asked what was the matter. 'Bill,' said 1,. 'I just saw an engine pop out of that suowslied and just as suddenly disap­ pear again.' . ., "• " 'Are you positive?' said the knight of the punch, and he peered up the track, and I asserted I was. 'We had better move on anyhow, and if you see one it will probably keep out of our way.' v ' "So tve proceeded up the hill; keep­ ing careful watch for the mysterious eugine which made my heart jump in­ to my throat as she merged from the snowshed. The siding was reached, but there was no sign of an engine threating us with a head-end collision. The train men laughed at me, and said I must have seen a spirit. Had it not been for thefifct that my fireman sided with me, I don't know but that I should have given up and admitted I was mistaken. "A careful watch failed to reveal any sign of the stray engine, and when we stopped at Sherman aH the train men had a hearty laugh at my expense. But I was still positive and insisted on mak­ ing a hunt, and Ave found an engine hid away in the little roundhouse lo­ cated at that point. "The engineer was a man named Jor­ dan. He had overlooked a new time card and had started to take his engine back to Laramie after helping a freight up to the summ't. He could see the headlight of our enigne before he emerged from the suows-hed. This ac­ counted for his sudden disappearance. Ilis engine was almost stopped when he came out, and it did\iK>t take him long to get to going back\ip the hill again at a lively rate. Tht? engineer thought we did not see^Jiiin, and ho would j:usf hide in the roundhouse at Sherman, and no one would be the wiser for his little es-apido. "We did not report h;m. but the olfi- cials learned of the incident in rome manner, and his head went into the basket"--San Francisc J Call. Emlle Ollivler Is writing a love story called "Marie Madeleine," which he be­ gan twenty years ago. A good, deal of interest has been aroused in London by the result of the $2,000 prize competition originated by the Bacheler Syndicate of New York, there having been a vast number of English competitors;- ™ ~ . . •• •." Andrew Lang brags that he has nev­ er rea>»'The Heavenly Twins," and that only one man of his acquaintance has read it He asserts that he has never been able to leam what it was all about. The man thit he knew could not tell him, and the ladies would not. H, S. Somerset, the Englishman who. was one of Richard H. Davis' compan­ ions in Central America, has written a book of travel dealing with the Hudson Bay Company's territory. It will be called "The Land of the Muskeg." The author, who is a clever and adventur­ ous youth, i» the son of Lord Henry Somerset ̂ •>' *• .= The Pall Mali' Gazette says that the conflicting: genders of Mr. le Galllenitfe's name do not throw much light upon his nationality. From his stylie- we should imagine Mm to be an Irishman. Thus, discussing Mrs. Tlirelfall's poe». try in last •week's* Realm, he remarks' that; "like her master, she threatens to- go on forever--and not unfrequently keeps- her threat" , George' Moore is oheof the most mod1- est of contemporary writers. He does; not think that everything' he has writ­ ten is great. After finishing "Mike- Fletcher," however, he wrote: "At last Ii have written a really great book,!' a> view which illustrates the eccentricity of his critical opinions. Mr. Moore's- spelling; by the way, is said to belong: to the impressionist school, and he ool- lirborates a great, deal with-the proof­ reader. The silly quarrel between the two poets, A. C. Swinburne and Eric Mac- kay, has reached the point of absurd­ ity. The latter wrote an energetic let­ ter in reply to Mr. Swinburne's crush­ ing acknowledgment of a recent ode. This has now brought a letter from Mr. Swinburne's lawyer to Mr. Mackay, warning him that if he dares to address any further epistle to that irate- bard, the latter will apply to the police for protection. The police in Richmond, Ind., are suppressing the sale of the Indianapo­ lis People, Police News, Police Gazette, the Illustrated Record, and other sen­ sational papers, classed by a new law as pernicious literature. This law was passed by the last General Assembly, and provides a penalty of from $10 to $200 for printing, selling, or publish­ ing books, papers, or periodicals, the chief feature or characteristic of which is the record of crime or the pictures of crime committed, criminals, desper­ adoes, or men and women "in unbe­ coming costumes." Such a law would seriously interfere with the San Fran­ cisco dailies. Physical Evolution of a Race. There are indications that the Ameri­ can woman is gradually growing taller and larger. A few years ago the aver­ age skirt length taken in the fashiona­ ble dressmaking establishments was 42 inches, and 42 inches was the length used for all the model gowns sent over here from Paris. The model length has now increased to 45 inches and the in­ crease in other measurements is in pro­ portion. The middle-aged American woman shows an inclination to grow broader across the hips and shoulders and stouter through the arms; but the college graduate, the university woman and the debutante grow more graceful­ ly vigorous every year. The typical college graduate is from two to four inches longer lrom the waist down than formerly. Her waist is getting longer, her chest fuller and her limbs narrow­ er. The middle-aged woman grow corpulent and clumsy through indolence and indulgent habits of life, while the ever-increasing tendency toward ath­ letic sports and outdoor exercises is im­ proving the younger of-the sex. The statuesque .luuo type may yet express the American woman.--Chicago News. gets his tail over the reins no one knows differently. Here comes another man, what he may do; in fact, he is just as and I am going to speak to him." likely to run away as not" A little later we reached the shore of a beautiful lake aud I exclaimed with rapture over the glimpse of the verdant hills rising majestically upon the other side. "This is indeed an ideal spot," 1 burst forth, but Mrs. Grazier had no eyes for the beauties of the.landscape , just then. „ , ', . "Willard, what is the matter with the» fb0rse on this side? He looks very strange." .... .A. "He's all right, my dearj-ouly the flies bother him a little," and Mr. Grazier waved his whip lightly over the offend­ ing animal's head. "Willard, how can you do that, when you know lie is so nervous, unless," Man number two, however, did not wait to be spoken to, but accosted us brssd srsilc. "Good day, Mr. Grazier, goin' up to the Knoll again?" Mr. Grazier nodded. "Is this the Shortest road?" Mrs. Grazier inquired promptly. "I reckon it's about the only one," he rejoined, grinning,-as if he found the idea of a possible second road hugely amusing. - , We drove on in silence for some few minutes before Mrs. Grazier spoke again; then She said, "Anyway, it's a relief to know that this is the road." I answered fervently, but Mr. Gra­ zier vouchsafed no reply. ' Pine Knoll proved to be a truly love- Bands in the British Army. The Britlsh,army bands use the high pitch, the Queen's regulation running as follows: "In order to insure uni­ formity throughout the regimental bands of the service the instruments are to be of the same pitch as that adopted by the Philharmonic Society." The Phil­ harmonic Society has recently decided to adopt the lower pitch, and, according­ ly, the Queen's regulations will doubt­ less have to be amended. It is estimat­ ed by competent authority that the cost of altering the Instruments of the army bands to the lower pitch would amount to between $1,000,000 and $1,500,000, but It Is more than doubtful If any chan­ cellor of the exchequer would spend so large a sum for such a purpose. This Jonah Ate the W1 n-. There was a bad case of ci uty at our house recently," said the n; mager of one of the largest apartment houses of the city, the other day. The manager has a fad for pets from the sea. He keeps his pets in a small fish pond in the court of the house. He came across some large bullfrogs in the market one day and took them to the fish pond. One old fellow thrived there. He got so that he would sit on the edge and catch in his great mouth pieces of beef tossed to him. This old frog was big and fat and comfortable when a few young craw­ fish made their advent in the pond. The fat frog picked out the one he thought juciest, dived after him, swallowed him at a gulp and took his accustomed place at a sunny spot on the edge of the pond. "He looked very comfortable at first, said the manager, "but soon I noticed the old fellow was getting nervous. He shifted about on his seat, blinked his eyes very hard, scratched his head with his toe and looked surprised. Then he opened his big mouth and retched and retched, but with no results. I left him making a heroic effort to look pleasant. "Next day the big frog was still more restless. He kept growing worse and worse, got morose, took to bellowing until people in the house would run to the windows in the court to see what the trouble was. I saw the old fellow was going to die, so I killed him. I ripped him open and out wriggled the crawfish, chipper as you pleasei The frog's carcass was hollow. All his works were Inside the crawfish."--New York World. Sounds Rather Foreign. There was a most disgraceful scene in the pavilion of Ljon Park recently, when several British flags were torn from the walls by a crowd of , men, trampled under foot and. finally toi'ii to tatters. The park was the scene of the La­ fayette Guard picnic. After the Irish flag had been presented to Command­ ant Gross, it was placed in a corner of the hall directly under a large Union Jack- Throughout the evening many persons in the- crowd remarked that the- Irish flag should not have been placed there, but should have been placed side by side with the Stars and Stripes. Suddenly there was a great cry of "Down with the British flag; to h--1 with the English!" Then before the dancers knew what had happened the large Union Jack was dragged from the wall, and in another instant three oth­ ers in various parts of the hall were torn down. Once the flags were dragged from the walls a number of other men had rush­ ed forward and trampled the flags as they lay on the floor.--New York Press. Thoir.as Cat Shows Cunning. A Cincinnati torn cat has won fame by its habit of spreading bread crumbs for sparrows and then gobbling the birds. ' lie--"I don't think there is anything much liner than to have a beautiful yacht." She--"I'm surprised at yoti Haven't you considered a beautiful wife?" He--"Oh, yes; but I mean on the ground ofi economy."--Harper's Ba zar. ' AS soon as a woman makes a new lunch cloth she gives a reception. "The End of Germany." Napoleon the Great was a sedulous coiner of medals of victory, as all nu mismatic collectors are aware. His nephew imitated him in this practice although his opportunities for this kind of ^elf-glorifieation were, of course, not so numerous as those of his uncle, collector of Rappolsweiler informs the Tageblatt that he is the possessor of a very rare medal, for which Napoleon III. ordered a die to be made, and of which the specimens would now be ex tremeiy. plentiful but for the battle of Sedan. On one side of the medal is the prqfile of Louis Napoleon, whose head is crowned with the laurel of victory and the inscription, "Nalpojepn III Imperator." On the other stand the sanguine"* 'words, "Finis Germaniae 1870." The medal is of some white Ethel's Idea of Thunder. Little four-year-old Ethel recently ac­ companied her, mother oh a visit to friends, and for.the first time in her life heard heavy blasting in the mines. Curiosity soon took the pla^e of fear, and her mother was compelled to ex­ plain the process iu every detail. She told the little girl how the miners drilled holes in the hard rock, filled them with powder, put in a fuse and, after touching a match to it, ran to a place of safety to await the explosion that would break up the rock into bits. Ethel was greatly interested in it all, and her mother took her to see the whole pro­ cess. A few days afterwards a thunder storm came up. At the first roll of thunder Ethel Inquired: "Is that a blast, mamma?" "No, Ethel, that is thunder." "Do the men make-it with powder?" "No, my child, God makes It." "How does He do, mamma? Does He touch it off and run?" Railways on French Farms. Light, single railroads on which large wheelbarrows run are beginning to be used on French farms. The rails are. fastened to small iron crosspieces, the ends joined by fish plates, and can easily • be put in place aud removed. The trucks, can be drawn by horses or men, and are balanced by a heavy crow­ bar held by the man who pushes them. He "Will you be my wife?" She-- "Oh, this is such a surprioe!" He--"I can't help that. It isn't my fault that you've never heard anything like it before."--Life. Driftwood Jones of Astoria. "Driftwood .Tones, Astoria," a chub­ by, bald-headed little man wrote on the register of a down town hotel yester­ day." " "Never heard of me, I reckon?" he asked, as the clerk filled in the num­ ber of his room. "Oh, yes; often, sir," declared the ex­ perienced liar behind the desk. "You are as well known by reputation, sir, as Flotsom Brown of Eureka." "Is that so? Well, may be you've heard how I got.the name Driftwood?" "No, can't say that I ever did. Been floating around a good deal, I sup­ pose." "No, I'm not much of a floater. This is the first time I've been outside of Astoria in twenty-eight years. Well, sir, I picked up that sobriket by acci­ dent. I was running a barber shop in Astoria and some smart fellows thought they would play a practical joke on me, so they advertised in the paper that I wanted 400 men with boats. Well, it was just before the fishing season, when boats and men are plentiful and the river is running" 'bout full with melted snow. About a thousand Finns, Danes, Swedes, Greeks, Italians aud Norwegians--all fishermen--fought to get into my shop. I knew it wouldn't do any good to tell them it was a joke, for they wouldn't see the point and mob me, so I got all down on the wharf back of my shop, climbed up a pile of lumber and addressed them. I re­ minded them of the fact they were lying idle' and wanted work, and told them I would provide them with em­ ployment that would be mutually prof­ itable. " 'Now, gentlemen,' said I, 'I want you to pick up driftwood on the river. You take your boats, catch all the wood you can tow up to the beach. There you can cut it up and I'll sell it to the steamers and divide the profits even up with you.' "I toid them to consider it, and blame me if about 300 of them didn't go to- work catching driftwood and giving me half. I made $500 out of it and ever since they have called me Drift­ wood Jones up there."--San Francisco Post. • - At Sea. A new invention has been designed to prevent collisions at sea. At a recent test the force from electro-magnetic coils stationed on board a vessel suc­ cessfully influenced a chemically pre­ pared compass stationed some six miles away, causing it to set up an instanta­ neous peal of bells. Stout man (whose appetite has Deen the envy of his fellow-boarders)--"I declare, I have three buttons off my vest" Mistress of the house (who has been aching to give him a hint)--"You will probably find them in the dining- room, sir."--'Town and Country Jour­ nal- Plumbing in Rome. The recent discoveries of silverware near Pompeii, the many objects found aud on exhibition in the Naples mu­ seum, are convincing how far advanced the Romans were in the working of the metals. We are positive that the Ro­ man plumber was a clever workmau, for the cocks, faucets and joints ho made of bronze, and his lead pipe were excellent. In some cases plumbers signed their work, and the name of a woman is recorded who. if not a plumb­ er herself, at least must have had the superintendency of a shop. If baths using hot water were common to the Romans, the question arises, Did they use artificial heat in the culture of flow­ ers? A writer in the Quarterly says: "Warming houses and heating baths were among the universal luxuries of the Roman empire, and were far better managed by the Roman plumber of the first century thanJby his English suc­ cessor to-day." In the construction of greenhouses was glass used? Panes of glass have been found at Pompeii. Mar­ tial mentions what could have been nothing else than a greenhouse as be­ ing in vogue iu the first century, A. D. Seneca, who was cynical, inveighed against what he thought was a perver­ sion of floral nature, and found fault, with "hot water," which converted "a sparing flower into a winter one."--New. York Tmes. On May 15 a pure white crow was picked up near Sherburn Colliery Sta­ tion. England. The bird, which is a young one. has the bill, feet and legs white. A London restaurant is said to use an electrically-heated plate to keep one's food warm. There is no danger of receiving a shock from touching the plate. His Patronage Unnecessary. Prince Maximilian of Bavaria, tile- father of the Empress of Austria, was once traveling in, the same carriage with a company promoter, who told him that his daughter was a leader of society in Vienna. "If you like," he said, condescendingly, "I will give yon a line to her, and you will meet all the best people in \ienna at her house:" "Thank you," the prince replied, mod­ estly, "but I am. going to stay with a married daughter, aud am- not likely to see many people beyond jiust her in­ timate- friends.'" "-Perhaps I know your daughter?" said the man, interroga­ tively. "Perhaps," replied the prince. "WelL what Is the name of her hus­ band?" pursued the other, unabashed; "I suppose he has a name?" "Yes; his name is the Emperor Francis Joseph." The financial gentleman had no mora to say. Connecticut's Wild Man. Cor^g^ticut's wild man may turn out to be a gorilla, as passengers on a stage near Winsted the other day saw an an­ imal cross the highway, leap a fence and then stand on its hind legs. As the stage drew near the animal ran into the woods. The passengers say It was a large gorilla, and it was sup­ posed to be the animal that was here­ tofore reported as a "wild man," as it was seen in the locality which the "wild man" was said to frequent. The gorilla probably escaped from some circus years ago. During the last win­ ter a gorilla inhabited the woods in South Norfolk. Angry pedestrian (picking himself up)--"The next infernal scoundrel--O, I see! It was a man on horseback. Never mind, sir. It didn't hurt me. I thought it was one of those darned bi­ cyclers."---Chicago Tribune. A worthless mam nearly always has one comfort: his wife is fond of him. j 0 i.4 \ -