The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

A GEORGIA DINNER. Th&nksgivin' comes but once a year, (Carve that,'possum. Sue!) ?; j? •:- Ton can bet f'll get1 my share,; v (Carve that 'possum. Sue!) Turkeys'--they is nice to eat, Browh an' basted, fat an',sweet; But they can't beat 'possum meat-- (Carve that 'posstun. Sue!) Thankful as I'm goin' to be, (Carve that 'possum, Sue!) t jCyg yoy and you love me, (Carve that 'possum. Sue!) Carve him straight and carve him true, While the gravy dips like dew, Sweater than the lips o' you, (Carve that 'possum, Sue!) Cotton--hit's gone out o' sight, • (Carve: that 'possuiij. Sue!) JBut hit's left my appetite, (Carve that 'possum, Sue!) Don't care what's the country's fat--« 'Possum bound to save the state; Uncle Billy, pass yer plate; (Carve that 'possum, Sue!) --AtlantaoConstitution. THE THANKS-> GIVING TUKKEY. J OXIN GRIFFIN was a •yonR.f me­chanic in a thriving manufacturing town in the interior of an Eastern Stateyand when he had befell promoted to the superintendence of the/shops where he had begun his apprenticeship. It was. a proud day for him, and. a a -well for Martha Mercer, who thought John was -the brightest young fellow the town had ever produced. And perhaps he was, for he .bid under way inventions, which., when completed, would revolutionize the work of the shops in which he was en­ gaged and would also revolutionize John's financial situation and make him equal to the owners of the shops. He was but' 25, and for two years he had been shap­ ing all his fortunes by the wishes of Martha Mercer. And now he was promoted, he would go and claim the girl, and let her share before all the world his honors and his future. So i t was. and the sun never shone on a fairer dav than Was their wedding day. PLANNING NIGHT ACK. k if ONE NIGHT HE CAME -HOME Dltt 'XK. And there were no clouds for a year. Then they came thick and fast, for John was disappointed in one of his inven­ tions and. like many bright minds, his could not stand the shock of defeat, though it might only be temporary. He was morose and ugly, and though he still superintended the shops, there was no longer spirit "in bis work and there seemed to him to be no longer charm in his home. A baby had come, and there was sun­ shine in its smile to all except the father. He seemed to think that it was..ojily an addition to his burdens, and he almost re­ fused to touch the little one when he came home after the work of the- day. Martha was suffering all this in. silence and she dared not offer consolation, for he grew angry if she talked to him, and for a time he never spoke at his own table. At last the strain was too great for him and one night he came home drunk, not bleared and red, as the vet­ eran drunkard comes, but white and stupid, as if he had been under the in­ fluence of some deadly drug. From this time his downfall was rapid, and within a jrear he had lost his place, and had driven tis wife and child into the street. Then he disappeared and Martha, heartbroken, went with her child to her father's place in the country. She heard no word from John and daily she worked about the farmhouse, for in that there was relief from thought. Her father gave her an interest in the small products and she devoted herself to the raising of poultry. The child grew, too, bright and strong and beautiful, and al­ ways reminding her of his father, whose image he bore. When the frosts of the second year since John had gone came, Martha had a fine lot of Thanksgiving turkeys for the city mrrket and she sent them away with a hope that somewhere in the world one might come to the table where John sat, and to that extent, at least, she could contribute to his comfort. It was a small hope, though, . for she knew that the John she saw last would not be able to eat turkey at Thanksgiv­ ing, unless it was in a prison whose au­ thorities were kind. It was the day before Thanksgiving ir< the city and John Griffin walked slo%vly along the street toward the boarding house which he claimed as home. It was not the same John Griffin of the other' days, but a new one. He had gone down and down until at last in a drunken row in a dive he had received a blow in the head which had almost killed him. For" weeks he had lain unknown in the hos­ pital of the city and then strength had come again, and he had gone forth to make a new name for himself. He had had time to think, and he had availed him­ self of it. In a year's time he had come to the front again in the same line of work, and the old inventions were now restored and what had proved a disap- He was,thinking over his situation and wondering what they were doing then in the old place, and, what they would have for Thansgiving, when a child ran out and called "Papa." At first, he almost staggered, then he stopped and stood still. The child came nearer, and, notic­ ing that it h^d made a mistake, it turned away with a half-frightened cry and ran to its nurse. John went on to his home, nervous, and more than usually depressed, but he re­ sisted the feeling with all his power, and when he went in to his dinner he was himself™again.;wauiet, self-possessed, and the friend of all. When he entered the dining-room everybody appeared to be tilking at once, and he laughingly asked what had happened. "Pass the cause of the disturbance to Mr. Griffin," said one of the boarders to another, who was studying what seemed to be a very much worn and crumpled note. "I got that to-day out of the dressed turkey we are to have to-morrow," said the landlady, as he took the paper. "What is it" he asked. "A bill for the turkey?" Mr. Griffin was not given to jokes, and this was received with applause. It was still^oing on when he looked at the paper. It had evidently been a small handbill, printed on one side, and he looked at the printed side. Only a portion of it re­ mained, and on that what other words might have been he did not see. All he saw was "Brinton," and Brinton was the town where Martha lived. He turned pale, but it passed on the instant, and he turned the sheet over. There written in pencil were the words' "May the wife who gets this be as hap­ py as 1 once was; and may she never be as unhappy as I am now." There was. no name; no indication whence it came, and if it had not been for the tell-tale word on the other side, the wonder might have never been solved. As John read the words, those near him saw a great change come into his face. At first, it paled and there was a look of agony, then he smiled and as he smiled, he turned to the landlady. "Will you dine at 6 on Thanksgiving?" he said, briefly. She was so upset by the sudden change in the state of affairs that she could scarcely speak, but she managed soine- you, who have been the bearer of so many heavy loads; and if yon will kindly step into 1.ho kitchen, my wife has ah excel­ lent raince-pie which she has especially prepaid for you, and which I trust you will #wjoy." The doctor stared at his impersonator for a moment and then burst into a hearty laugh, The mince-pie was speedily pro­ duced--the doctor's wife being famed for her skill in the manufacture of that tooth­ some aJtide-^-and the boy never again had occasion to complain of the way in which his father's gifts were received and acknowledged. A Thanksgiving Dreain. : _Y she said, ; • . . . ; . • "Lest you lose, 'twas surer this way-- For me to wish, too, that your w}sh come true, Your wish for next Thanksgiving day." --Harper's Bazar. The Children's Thanksgiving. The children should be encouraged to belp in the preparations for the great oc­ casion, writes Elizabeth Robinson Scovil, in the Ladies' Home Journal. They dear­ ly love to be busy, and if work can bo made interesting to them they will do it cheerfully. If the idea is suggested to them they will feel a, proud satisfaction in the knowledge that they pared the ap­ ples for the pies, or stoned the raisins for the cake'. It gives them a sense of pro­ prietorship in the result, which is whole­ some for 'them, if rather comical to the elders. An old-fashioned Thanksgiving de­ mands a midday dinner. Whatever fash­ ion may dictate on other days she should not be listened to on this one, particularly when there are children to be cousidered. After dinner there should be time lor games and the "recreations" which the Pilgrim fathers themselves did not dis­ dain. Foot-ball is the time-honored game that has delighted many generations^ of boys. Before it attained to its present height of scientific generalship, when Jiv­ ing wedges were unknown, it was as fiercely contested as on the modern battle­ field, and perhaps even more fun was ex­ tracted from it. Jons READS THE STRANGE MESSAGE. how to tell him that was the hour. "Save three places for me," he said, rising, "I have just time to catch a train noW7 and I can not explain until to-mor­ row at dinner." That was all the boarders had to talk about then for a whole day, but it was enough,- and when 6 o'clock came on Thanksgiving "day everybody was at the table promptly, some of' them in theif curiosity having cancelled engagements to dine with friends. The three places were vacant for aft hour, it seemed to the boarders, but ill reality it was only a quarter after 6 whefi Mr. Griffin came in with his wife and thi» boy, and John told the story to thost about him, and if there were tears as he went over it all, and how at last he had found Martha waiting and hoping alwayf for him, they were tears of thanksgiving. Mrs. Dorothy's Thanksgiving.- Squir» Ephraim Drew and his good wife Prue They invited some guests to dine, And drink to the health of the common­ wealth In a glass of Thanksgiving wine. Said Ephraim Drew to his good wife Prue, "When asking Judge Jonathan Drake We'll ask the young man, his son Jona­ than, For my daughter Dorothy's sake." The gnests came at last to the squire's repast,. Receiving a welcome bland, And Dorothy blushed as Jonathan brushed Wrth his lips her lilly-white hand. With wondering eyes at the t^key's size The guests did exclaim and adiMre; There were dainties beside, boiled, baked, stewed and fried, And a big plum pudding on fire. To Jonathan's plate, by a lucky fate, It chanced that the wishbone fell; Then softly said he to fair Dorothy, "My lot shall this wishbone tell. "I'll wish you and I, when a year slips by, May dine on Thanksgiving day, With none to o'erhear, or to interfere, And with all but ourselves away." Then they broke the bone; with a stifled groan He lost; and sighed heavily To note the glad smile that she wore the while, So he asked what her wish might be. She blushed rosy red. "Well, I thought," All Depends on the Turkey. "How are you going to spend Thanks- givi n g,- Unele Jake ?" . ... - "Well, sub, hit's des 'cordin' ter de turkey. Ef he's quiet, en doan roos' too high, I'll spen' de day at home; but ef he's noisy, en I mek' any mistakes, dey's no tellin' whar I'll fotch up!"--Detroit Free Press. • The Wiggle's Device. Said the Wiggle: "I'm an artist and of course I can't afford A lot of pie and turkey for my Thanks­ giving board; (DISTURB THE COURT'S GRAVITY mmm K;! lillif iw But I took my points and went to work, and now, as you may see, I've got a splendid turkey, as fine as fine can be." ' Where Does He What's that you've got there, Jones?" "Thanksgivin' turkey! Just won her at a raffle--an' only had fifteen chances at a dollar a chance!"--Yonkers Gazette. Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself. =5 RETURN OF THE HUNTERS--THE FIRST THANKSGIVING. AX. FIRST HE ALMOST STAGGERED. pointment before, was the success he had hoped it would be. He was on the sure road to fortune, and in the house where he lived Mr. Griffin was considered the first man of the place. He was sad al­ ways and his associates knew he must have a history, but no one ever spoke of it, and he surely did not. He was ashamed of his past, ashamed to let Martha know Where he was. The old love had come again and he would have given all he possessed to have had Martha as his again, but he dared not ask for that which he had so ruthlessly cast aside! He thought of the child and hoped that some, time he might meet the little fellow, and through him come again to the mother, but there was small chance of such a meeting, for he knew that Martha's people:cam« to the city only at long intervals. Besides, that was too much like, the way tiSoss things come to pass «n the stage, and John did not be­ lieve they erer happened »o in real life. His Lesson. In a New England town, some yearS ago, there was a doctor who was much adnyii'ed and respected, both for his skill and his excellent character, but who was a man of few words and abrupt manners. A prosperous farmer who lived in the suburbs of the town was in the habit of sending a fine turkey to the worthy doctor at Thanksgiving and Christmas. The bearer of the fowls was usually his son, a bright, wide-awake boy. This messenger did not especially relisn his trips to the doctor's house, complain­ ing to his father that he hardly received a "thank you" for the turkeys when he presented them. His father invariably re­ plied, however, that the doctor was un­ doubtedly pleased and grateful, "only it wasn't his way to say much." One cold, stormy forenoon in November the boy, bearing the usual Thanksgiving offering, was ushered into the doctor's sit­ ting-room, where that worthy was talking to a friend. " "Here's a turkey father sent you," said the boy, sturdily, in response to the doc­ tor's gruff "good morning," "and you can take it, or I'll lug it home again if you don't care for it." "Why, my boy," ejaculated the doctor in amazement, "that's hardly a gracious way to offer a present." "What should I do?" inquired the boy. "Sit down here in my chair, and I'll show you," responded tber "doctor; and taking the fat turkey from the boy's hands, he marched out into the hall, and then reentered the room; with a beaming smile on his initially grave face. "Here is a turkey which my father sends you," he said, advancing to the oc­ cupant of the chair; "he begs you will accept it with his best wishes and the hope that it may add to the pleasure of your Thanksgiving feast." "I thank you," said the boy, rising from, the chair with a genial-smile; "your fath­ er's kindness, not only on this occasion, but on many previous-ones, is greatly ap­ preciated by me. And I must also thank 4, m r-y When Governor Bradford issued -his first proclamation of thanksgiving men were sent into the forests for game and they returned Jvaded with turkeys. Incidents that Enlivened Dry Legal proceedings. One would scarcely look for Jny ex­ tensive fund of humor in a science usu­ ally accredited both by professionals and laymen, to be a mass of hard, dry facts and abstrusp learning of the most unattractive character except when connected with a particular master of Inquiry. •• .' •' - ^ • oBiit to him who searches for amusing scenes, either in the bepowdered and bewigged courts of not long agOj where the very solemnity of dress and routine enhanced the mirth-provoking quali­ ties bf any departure therefrom, or in the more modern but not less dignified court of to-day, there is opened an In­ exhaustible mine of humor, and that of such an oi'der and with, such con­ stant change of details that he never tires with the round of incidents thus introduced to him. A stupid or uneducated witness is one, of the most common mints for coining this phase of aniusement. An instance is noted where in a trial in which Lord Cockburn (then a barris­ ter) assisted the counsel the witness, a stolid Scotchman, was placed on the stand to prove the inefficiency of a per- «son, one of the parties in the suit The counsel proceeded; "Do you consider Mr. Sampson of ordinary intellectual capacity?" No answer.' Again the Inquiry-was made and with the same result. The witness all this while maintained a dogged si­ lence. Once more as a last resort the counsel put the question, this tinie alter-1 ing it to:" "Do you think he Is possessed of the average amount of mental power?" Still no answer. The counsel, disliking to appeal to the court, sat down in despair, when Cockburn, rising, said: "Let me tackle him." Then assuming his broadest Scotch tone and extending his hand familiarly toward the witness, he com­ menced: "Hae ye your mull wl you?" "Oo aye," answered the countryman, his face brightening as he reached the snuff-box toward the questioner. "Noo," taking a pinch of the snuff and keeping his frienHly attitude, "IIoo lang hae ye kenned John Sampson?" "Ever sen he was so high" (indicating with his hand), was the immediate re­ ply. "Noo, do ye think atween you and me that there's onything intil the mo'n?" "Toot, mon," came the ready re­ sponse, "I wudna gie him the lippen o' a bull calf." (I would not trust him with the keeping of a bull calf.) Cock­ burn had attained his end and the man stepped down amid the laughter of the court A similar incident took place in Canada. "Did you hear Mr. X. predict any­ thing?" "No, sir, I did not." "Do you know what a prediction is?" __ "Oh, yes, of course," , • "Well, then, once more, did you ever know X. to make a prediction?" "No, sir; I think he was prosecuting a man once, but the man was not pre­ dicted." The witness evidently . mistook pre­ diction for conviction, but on second in­ quiry as to his knowledge of the word he ended by saying: "No, sir; I have been at work ever since I was 7"years old." During the rebellion a negro servant was objected to as being of weak mind. "Stand up; Lije," said the court. "Do you understand the nature of an oat!#?" Lije scratched his wool for an in­ stant and then, rolling up the whites of his eyes, exclaimed: "Look a-yere, mas- sa, dis nigger done waited on 'bout half de ossifers since dey cum to dis place, and if he don't know de nature ob *un oaf by dis time, den date's no virtue in cussin'." He was considered com­ petent. Another negro, being asked the same question, startled the judge by an­ swering: "Yes, sah; when a man swears to a lie he's got to stick to it." In attempting to show the lighthead­ edness of a rather silly-looking boy, Curran once Interrupted: "Who made you?" "Moses," was the unexpected but to Curran highly satisfactory reply, for he at once moved that the witness be declared incompetent. The boy turned to the judge and meekly asked if he might question the gentleman. "Certainly," returned the judge, with a smile. ."Well, who made you?" propounded the lad. "Aaron," said Curran, amused. "Yes," added toe boy, "Aaron once made a calf, but I didn't suppose the critter had got in here." One of Lord Brougham's favorite rec­ ollections Is as follows: "Did you see the defendant throw the stone?" "I saw a stone, and I'se pretty sure he throwed It," "Was It a large stone?" "I should say so." "What was it's size?" "I should say it was a sizable stone." "Can't you answer definitely how large It was?" '"Well, I should say It was a stone of some bigness," Can't you compare it with some ob­ ject?" Why, If I was to compare It, zur, so as to give some notion of the stone, I should say it was as large as a lump o' chalk!" And these evasive answers, whether prompted by cunning or the result of ignorance, seldom fall to afford amuse­ ment. Here are one oif .two Instances, in the first of which the judge is said to have become 11? from excessive laughing. "You ^ay that Smith worked for you all day on the 29th of November?" "Yes, sir." "What did he do on the 30th?" "He chopped wood." "What did he do on the 31st?" "Oh, that was Sunday, and he went fishing." "W611, what on the 32d?" "Thrashed wheat that day." "On the 33d?" "He was digging some " What he was digging was never told, for the wife of this model witness dragged him out of his chair with the remark: • "You old fool, don't you know there are only .thirty-one days in November?" Another that occurred in Boston late­ ly : i "Now, Mr- Jones, will -you describe his appearance as you saw him to 1877?" "Why, he was sitting' in of the most curious and valuable of all an­ tique chairs, that was carved as by a Gibbons, and the very dust of the mold­ ings of the legs was " "Never mind about the chair, tell us about him." "Well, he was rather tall, but so well did the dark, high, rich back set off the more solid grandeur of the legs and arms that I, never saw a more complete model. Why " The witness was again interrupted by the questioner^b 111 it was obly after repeated admoniiWiis" to restrict himself to tie questions and an admirable display of patience on tlie part of .the advocate that the informa­ tion sought was elicited. . \ Just the reverse was a witness in a Western case, who lflxd been warned to answer only the interrogatory, and par­ ticularly not to discus&'.the meaning of .the question with the lawyers. „ "You drive a wagon, do you not?" "No, sir." ... • V. ;'v ' • •, •;[ -. "Why, did you not tell my learned friend just now that you did?" "No, sir." "Now, .then, I put you on your oath. FOLEY SWALLOWS A LIVE FROG. And Now the Animal, Disturbs the Service in Charctt. Some time ago James Foley, of Wheatland, near Rochester,. purchased his drinking water supply from Philip Dickinson. Shortly afterward, while playing dominoes with his family one evening, a grunting sound was heard, causiiig -the children to exclaim: "What's that?" Suddenly it dawned •upon Foley that he had swallowed some live thing while drinking toe water. He at once sought legal ad­ vice, btit no lawyer has yet been found who will take th'^ase. He claims that the animal inside him is a frog. He says recently in church the frog kicked up such a fuss in his stomach, singing and roaring and disturbing the meet­ ing, that he walked out of church.--• New York Tribune. '• do you, drive a wagon?1' »• ° "I do not." - "Then what is your occupation?" "I drive a horse." , ~ The lawyer was satisfied. ' , When a witness is overzealous it gen­ erally occurs toa;t he says too much, in more senses than one. ""Witness, do you pretend to say that you have no interest in the event of this suit?" "Not toe first red," came promptly. "Do you mean to say that you would as soon see one party beat as the other?" "Yes, your honor," was the answer, "and if anything a little rather." , In cross-examination the testimony is not. infrequently greatly at variance with that givenon the first recital, and while it weakens its credit it singularly enough puts .toe jury in a good-natured frame of mind that seldom works seri­ ous injury to the side for which the wit­ ness is called. A few weeks ago, in ono of the Eastern States, a witness swore to having seen a certain man ?it a cer­ tain place, and among other things that this man had on a pair of high boots into which his pants were tucked. The truth and simplicity of this statement were somewhat shaken when, on cross- examination, he admTtted that the per­ son in question wore over the pants a pair of thick blue overalls which came over the boots and nearly touched the ground. How the witness could know that the pantaloons were inside toe boots, or, indeed, that toe man wore any, does not seem clear. And sometimes tlieHwulgering or bul­ lying resorted to by many attorneys so works upon an excitable person that the effect is ludicrous in the extreme. The following is from the description of an Irish trial: After the witness had detailed how he himself had twice attempted to be the murderer and had twice stolen up behind Mr. Hall for the purpose of shooting him in the back, and had only given up his design be­ cause he considered it unlucky, the pris­ oner's counsel said: , "Then it was not your conscience wliich smote you?" "Not a bit" replied toe man. "And you stole up behind the poor old gentleman to shoot him for money?" "I did." "I suppose you would do anything for money?" "I would," replied the man, growing desperate and nervous. The lawyer still continued to excite him. "You would shoot your father fo: money, I suppose?" "I would," shouted toe man. "Or your mother?" "I would." "Or your sister?" "I would." "Or your brother?" "Ay, or yourself, either," cried the in­ furiated ruffian, almost leaping from his chair. Not always, however, Is the laugh against toe giver of the testimony. In Chicago lately toe prosecuting attor­ ney, after severely cross-examining a very truthful witness, suddenly iucreas- edihis look of severity and exclaimed: "Now, sir, was not an effort made to induce you to tell a different story? "A different story from what I told you, do you mean?" "That's what I mean." "Yes, sir," was toe response, "several persons have tried to get me to tell a different story, but they couldn't." "Now, sir," triumphantly, "upon your oath, who are those persons?" "Well, you have tried about as hard as any of them." The unconscious display of humor is illustrated In an anecdote related o£ two eminent Irish barristers, Doyle and Yelverton. They had quarreled violent­ ly on different occasions, and on one of these Doyle shouted: "I'll make you be have like a gentleman!" "You can't do it," retorted Yelverton. angrily. "You can't do iL I defy you." Another Irish lawyer who had a point In his argument ruled out by toe judges exclaimed: "If i^plaze the coort, if I am Wrong in this wan, I have another point which is aqually concloosive." Thattoe judges have their little jokes is proverbial, although It is to be re­ gretted that more of the sayings of those gentlemen have not been -put on record. Judge Hoar was once trying a case In New Bedford where the witnesses all rejoiced in toe name of "Cash," every one of whom appeared badly on the witness stand. As toe district at­ torney was bringing on his fifth wit­ ness, John Cash, toe judge leaned over and whispered: "I suppose you call them Cash because they are no credit to anybody." In a Scotch court Lord Justice Gierke, inquiring the cause of a juror's absence, said: "What excuse can a braw fellow like'; him hae?" • „ "My lord," answered the sheriff, "he has lost his wife." "Has he, indeed?" said the justice, who was not blessed with toe most pen feet of wives. "Has he? That's a gude excuse. 1 wish we a' had the same." With the jury, both collectively. and as individuals, there is often much fun. One under examination was asked: "Do you know what a verdict is?" "No, sir; I never went to a menag­ erie."--New York Mercury- Dimly Suggesting a W ay Out. "What is the present condition of the city's finances, Mr. Mayor?" inquired toe alderman from the Umpty-second Ward. "The city is heavily in debt," replied toe Mayoi1, "and at toe present rate of expenditure it is running behind sev­ eral hundred thousand dollars a year." In the midst of a dense silence the- alderman from toe 'Steenth ward rose up. •,,, - • • -.. . . . • "Mr. Mayor," he said, "and fellow- aldermen, there is only one thing for us to do. As members of the City Coun­ cil, charged, with the duty of looking after, the interests of this great city,\ a solemn responsibility rests upon us. Ws cannot evade it. We should be less than men If^ we sought now to shirk the issue forced upon us in this crisis of the city's fortunes. I propose, fellow-members of toe council," he con­ tinued, in a voice that trembled with excess of earnestness, "that we come as individuals to the relief of the cityl suggest that we contribute from our private purses 10 per cent, of the profits of the aldermanic business this year The Council rose as one man. Deaf­ ening cheers drowned the speaker's voice, and the entire body of sixty- eight aldermen came forward to the City Clerk's desk, each man opening his purse as he came-- 'At this point," explains the narra­ tor, "I awoke. It was only a dream." Chicago Tribune. She AVas a Pelican. Out in the Twenty-third Ward there was an old woman who deserves to have lived in the days when the duck­ ing stool was the portion of common scolds. She is a terror to the neigh­ borhood, and occasionally drops over into the city at large, bringing her grievances to the newspapers and the police court The other night a couple who had just moved on the' street, and, therefore, had not yet incurred the old woman's enmity, passed the harridan's house. She was sitting on the front steps in the moonlight, examining what looked like a stuffed bird. "Say!" she shouted. "Come here and look at toe fine present my neighbors have given me." The couple drew near." It was a stuffed bird, frayed and moth-eaten, and It bore about its neck a placard saying: "Y'ou're another." '"Now, what kind of a bird would you call that?" asked the woman. "Is it a goose?" "No," replied the man. "I should say it was a pelican." t\ - "A pelican, is it!" screairied the hag. "'So that's what the neighbors think of me? I'm an old pelican, am I? I'll have the law on them in the morning!"--Buf­ falo Express. Cruel Madajjascans. More interesting than the actual pro­ gress of the French war of conquest are the savage characteristics of the native Madagascans. In April a Sa- kalave merchant, M. Pbillippe, who had his residence at the town of Mahebo, was set upon by the Hovas and made prisoner. He was brought before the queen and accused of having insulted her and was condemned to death, though plainly not guilty of even a word outspoken against her majesty. The exulting savages took him to toe place of punishment, which was a wkle clearing in the forest, and there fast­ ened a cord about his neck, holding him tightly, strong men grasping his arms and legs meanwhile. At a given signal five men seized each end of the rope and hauled on it, slowly strangling the unfortunate man. While he was still in his first agony hoarse barks and deep bayings came from a pack of ferocious dogs who were held In leash near by, and were anxiously straining for freedom. That came an instant later. Simultaneously, then, they were on the body of the dying man, tearing off his flesh in huge pieces, tor­ turing him as not even the ancient In­ quisition would have dared. Even be­ fore death came to him the dogs were fighting among themselves for the pieces of meat that strewed the ground. --Paris letter in New York World. JEvarts Couldn't Resist. . An amusing instance of an orator un­ able to resist making a neat paradox was presented in a speech made at a banquet given when President Hayes and his Cabinet were in Omaha. Evarts was making a most eloquent eulogy of the West, and concluded one of his fa­ mous Interminable sentences in toese words: "I like toe West--I like her self- made men--and^he more I travel West --the more I meet with her public men, the mQre I am satisfied of the. truthful­ ness ofef the Bible statement thai the-- wise -- men -- came--from--the--East!" Nervous Headache. A vibrating helmet, for the cure of nervous headaches, has been devised by a French physician. It is construct­ ed of slips of steel, put in vibration by a small electro-motor, which makes 600 turns a minute. The sensation, which is described as not unpleasant, pro­ duces drowsiness; toe patient falls asleep under its influence, and awakes to find that toe pain has ceased. The Nephew of His Uncle. "Why does Luckpenny carry his coat on his arm so ostentatiously instead of wearing it these cool days?" "He wants to inspire his friends with confidence in his financial condition." When a man despairs of success toe devii will be on hand with words of en­ couragement.