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• X : " : " v JAMES INCH'S DOWNFALL. - r R. JAMES INCH is one of the most staid and dignified citi­ zens of Pai lor City. He never drinks, lie nevteV smokes, and it is his fflnn conviction that Hades is yawning ifor every man. woman, and child that 'plays cauls. He is a pillar of the local Methodist Church, lias publicly de- nounced dancing as an invention of the devil, progressive^euchre aud pedro c iparties as greased poles to the realm of I8atan, and trolley parties as an even isqore ^ihful dhln-sion than any of the . other forms of amusement to which lie is opposed. One might imagine fi-oni jthla that Mr. James Inch was an un: popular man in .Parlor City., Such, •hovfixer, is not the case. The inliab- v /' iftantti point him out to strangers as tieir model citizen, and can't say enough In praise'of him. That is be­ cause Mi*. Inch is a sterling business man, and so generous and charitable that his fellow townsmen are willing to overlook his radical views on things In the amusement line, Mr, Incli had an experience some weeks ago that came pretty near knocking down with one blow the splendid reputation he has built up for himself in Parlor City. It was a most unfortunate experience for Mr. Inch, but it provided amusement for his fel­ low citizens for days afterwards, and some of them are not through laughing •yet- 'v>- • ' ~ Tl One bright sufiiiy morning early in August Mr. Inch boarded a train bound for Parlor City at a small way station so|iie twenty miles from his home. had gone ont there the night before ^oo- busi­ ness, had missed the last train baek. and a night on a corn husk mattress in the local tavern had ruffled him about as much as he had ever been ruffled In his life. Mr. Inch had not been in the train five minutes when he heard a frightful racket in the car behind him, nnd on inquiring of the conductor what it meant was told that both of the rear cans were full of lunatics who were be­ ing transferred from New York to the State asylum on the hill back of Par­ lor City. \ •* "They're in charge of keepers, all right," said the conductor, "but they get excited every UOAV and then, and I tell you the keepers have their hands full. Lor! but they do chrse!" "Do you suppose I could go look at ibem?" asked Mr. .Inch, who immedi­ ately made up his mind that it was his duty as a Christian-man to go and speak a few words of admonition to these men. "Dunno," was the conductor's laconic response. "You'll have to ask the keepers." Mr. Inch rose from his scat and start­ ed back. He decided that he would not ask permission to do what was his plain duty. He felt that the keepers would refuse him admission to the car, so he made up his mind to slide in un­ observed, take a seat, and watch his chance to distribute advice to the un­ fortunate. It was not a difficult piece of work, as the keepers were pretty busy when Mr. Inch opened the -door and walked in, and they didn't notice him at all. He gradually worked his way to the middle of the car unnoticed £a the howling crowd of wild-eyed men, and ensconced himself in a seat beside a red-headed individual who was swinging his arms round in most reck­ less fashion and singing in a shrill vbice: : "This is my story, this is my song. Praising the Savior all the day long." lOver and over again the man sdng the cojuplet, sandwiehing,-it with strings of oaths, which sent chills chasing each ether up and down Mr. Inches spinal column. He attempted to talk with the man, but he might as well have tried to converse with a log of wood Others with whom he started conversa tions looked at him so blankly that he soon realized it was a hopeless task, and settling down in his seat, he re­ solved to say no more. "When we get to Parlor City,'-' he figured to himself, "I'll just wait until they get this crew out of the car, and then I'll go out myself and go home." Mr. Inch's resolution was the result of a Little speculation as to what would happen to him if the keepers discov­ ered that lie had entered the car and mingled with this crew of vidlent and Irresponsible men. At the station in Parlor City on the same morning that Mr. Inch boarded the train twenty miles away stood fif­ teen keepers from the State asylum waiting for the consignment of luna- tfca from Sew York. With them was young Dr. Blank, on whose shoulders zested the responsibility for the safe •transportation of the lunatics from the station to the asylum. Dr. Blank was worried. It was the first expedi­ tion of this kind lie had commanded, and he was mightily afraid that some­ thing would go wrong. Only a month before he had received his appointment to the asylum, and escape or revolt due to lack of proper precautions would, he knew, mean the loss of his place. He was relieved when the train rolled In sad a keeper jumped from the steps oi; a car, touched his hat, and announced all was well. "A hundred altogether, I believe, te doctor remarked. sir; fifty in each car." said the "There must be another," said the doctor, nervously. "You counted wrong," said the keep­ er. i "No, I'm sure I'm right, but I'll count them again," said Dr. Blank, and he did so, with the result that his first fig­ uring was correct. One man was missing. There could be no doubt about that. The car had only yielded forty-nine men. "Search the car," called out the doc­ tor, and the keeper proceeded, to do so., The first man he encountered was >4r. Inch, who, having made tip his mind that sufficient time.had elapsed to ren­ der it safe for him to leave the can had- risen and was making for the door. "Hello," exclaimed the keeper, "how did you get here?" , "I just walked in from the other ' car." replied Mr. Inch, with dignity. "Didn't see a man hide X~hTmself around this car anywhere, did,you?" Now it happened that some minutes before the train reached Parlor City the retPbeaded man who sat next .to Mr. Inch,had slid to the floor, and Cud­ dled himself up under the seat.;/ Mr. Inch had seen him do it, and had mar­ veled at the man's ability to stay in one position so long. To tell of this inci­ dent, however, was to admit that he had been in the car for some time, which-, would scarcely do. so he simply said inV a tone of mild astonsihment: "See a man hide himself? How.ridic-v ulous," and the keeper, impressed by, his tone, passed by and started search^ ing at the upper end of the car. Mr. Inch continued toward t lio-door, reached the platform, and. stepped. slowly down, Mr. Inch's personal ap­ pearance was not what it usuallyXwas. A night in a country hotel, with neither hair brush nor comb in the morning, showed on him. Contact- wittf the elbow of a lunatic behind him had put a most disreputable looking dent in his derby. His appearance was altogether bad enough to justify Dr. Blank's ex­ clamation of: "Ah, here he is. This way, my friend," which he made when he saw Mr. Inch descending to the platform. Mr. Inch heard the remark, but paid no attention to it. Instead of obeying, he quickened his pace toward the other end of the platform, but before he had gone a dozen yards Dr. Blank was alongside. "This way, my friend," said Dr. Blank, swinging Mr. Inch around by the arm. 'said Mr. their heads at the sight of Jannta Inch, Parlor City's respectable citizen, in so deplorable a condition. They were a heartless crowd, those station men, for they called a policeman, and the police­ man hauled Mr. Inch out of the freight and started dragging him toward the station, Mr. Inch the meanwhile sleep­ ing innocently on. Half way to the sta tion the policeman gave out and Mr. Inch was allowed to take a short doze on the sidewalk pending the arrival of help. It happened to be on the main street of Parlor City that the policeman left his prisoner, and as the afternoon was as bright and sunny as the morning had been, the inhabitants were out in great numbers. Any attempt to record here the comments of the people on Mr. Inch and his condition would be futile. Suffice it to say that the downfall of James Inch, the model citizen of Par­ lor City, the pillar of the church, and the greatest philanthropist in the coun­ try^ was known for miles that night. And the liext day there was more to talk about. Mr. Inch slept for five hours at the station house, and then went home, and, refusing to recognize his wife, proceeded to destroy the fam­ ily china, He hurled plates around un­ til lie was tired, then smashed win­ dows and mirrors with a poker for a time. He went to bed after hacking at some furniture with a caj-ving knife, and the next morning woke up with­ out; the sliglrt^^ recollection of what had happened. He recalled the strug­ gle at the statlon.butthat was all. His wife pretended to believe the .story of having been stabbed in the neck, slie didn't at all. X_ v^For several days the cold glances of former friends and acquaintances an­ noyed -him. ' They all said, "Yes, yes," when he told of his remarkable tem­ porary aberration, but he could see that they did not believe him. Nevertheless the- truth came out m time and Mr. Inch of Parlor City is as respected and honored as he ever was. Dr. Blank •4nade. a statement in the local paper of ilie matter over his signature, and that more than anything else exonerated Mr.. Inch. As for the doctor, he was "Suspended, but at Mr. Inch's earnest solicitation the, superintendent restored liim to duty, and he and his victim are Sow the best of friends. The doetor doesn't carry his hypodermic syringe except in the asylum wards now, and he lias declared that he'll never take it' out of the building again.--New 'York Snn. w "Well, march them out as soon as on can," said Dr. Blank, and he out a notebook and prepared to off the men as they were hand *§pver to his keepers. They took the last car first, and Dr. drew a deep breath of relief the fiftieth man stepped to the "What do you mean, sir?' Inch. 1 Keep quiet, now, keep very quiet," said the doctor, soothingly. "It'll be all right if you keep quiet." Why should I keep quiet when a loafer grabs me by the arm and swings me around as though I were a log of wood?" cried Mr. Inch, indignantly. "Get back into line," said Dr. Blank. "Get back into line, and let's end this nonsense," and he grabbed Mr. Inch by the collar and proceeded to drag him down the. platform. » Mr. Inch lost his temper then, and swung his right around toward his captor's jaw with vicious violence./ The blow landed, and so did a second and third, sent in with equal precision. Dr. Blank hung on, though slightly dazed. He couldn't hit the man back. There is a State rule forbidding keep-; ers or doctors to strike an insane per­ son, no matter what the provocation. The doctors have but one mode of de­ fense. It is the hypodermic injection, and each doctor carries a syringe load­ ed with a special preparation which will take, all the life out of a man in five minutes, cause him to sleep for several hours, and bring him around after his slumber in a decidedly weak mental condition. . While Dr. Inch was banging Dr. Blank on the nose and jaw, the doc­ tor was maneuvering with liis free band for his syringe. While the strug gle went on the keepers kept their eyes on the other insane men. They couldn't leave them to go to the doctor's assist­ ance. The struggle was apt to excite them, and a general outbreak was to be prevented above all things. Dr. Blank was was getting played out when he managed to reach his syringe, haul it out, and jab it into .Mr. Inch's neck. The effect of the injection was instantaneous. ,} I'm stabbed!" yelled Mr, Inch, slap- pjng both hands to his neck and drop­ ping. X V\ I'm d--n glad of it," remarked Dr. Blank. "You're the toughest one I ever tackled," and he motioned to a keeper who was coming toward him on a run to come faster. We've found the other man/' said the keeper, when he came up. Of course we have," said the doc tor, with sarcasticemphasis on the we" "He was under a 5seat in the car, went on the keeper. ;\"You've made a bad break here," he went on in a lov tone. "Come up here, and let's ge away." "Great Scott!" roared the doctor, isn't this one of our men?" "No," said the keeper. '~"He's\a citi­ zen who wandered into the car."\V Let's cut this quick," said theuloc- tor.' "Tell the boys to march around to the north of the depot and I'll Join you there," and away , went the doctor in one direction, while the keeper went rirtwn' thp nlntfnrm THE LITTLE FRENCH GIRL. She Is a Miniature Woman and la Taught All Feminine Arte. However innocent she may be, a lit­ tle French girl is much more of a little woman than a child of any other na­ tionality. She does not romp; she is demure and quiet in her games, which are often imitations of a grown person's life. She is trying to learn how to be the mistress of her house by means of her dolls, furniture, kitchen and dishes., Feminine arts are still a part of every well-arranged French education. Men eally care more for these accomplish­ ments than for others, as they make stay-at-home wives who look after their households; and as a Frenchwom­ an's principal aim is to please her fu­ ture husband, every mother prepares her daughter for this end. This is why she does not permit too close an inti­ macy with little boy cousins, because ten years later a jealous husband would take a dislike to these friendly cousins; nor would he like hjis wife's bosom friends, in whom she c&pfides, and who never leave her any better. Mothers, therefore, permit few if any intimacies, and these are all winnowed and selected with the greatest care. One advantage of this system is that the name of friend is not carelessly be­ stowed right and left; it takes time and good reasons for simple acquaintance to rise to that rank. The mother not only wards off little boy cousins and in­ timate girl friends, but she discourages the little girl in showing off her knowl­ edge out of the class room, for she is fully aware that nothing could be less attractive,Jn the eyes of the expected, lprd aftd .master than a blue stocking. A bright little girl I could name had. by chance, picked up some astronomical scraps,r together with other scientific facte, wtt&h allowed her to shine now 'fihd them?* One evening, while playing in the garden, she heard a friend of Iter father's exclaim: "What a dazzling star!" "That,, is not a star, sir," she eaid;,"it,is a planet." Her mother was in despair,.forslie would rather a hun­ dred times have found lier ignorant than have s^e^h,her "show off," or capa­ ble of committiug-the enormity of cOn- tradicting^gg!blde'iT person. "I hope," slie saidTe.Sffhgly, as a sort of excuse, "that Wli^Pshe eighteen the poor lit- tleXt.hin^v^ftl liaye forgotten a great partpf^hat she knows to-day!"--Cen­ tury. XX!*- v , -tr --• RAILWAY TRAVEL. Accident* Are Pew Compared with the Number of Passengers, About three years ago the govern­ ment at Washington, through the weather bureau, published a table of the number of persons in the United States, killed by lightning in the previ­ ous twelvemonth. Writing |from mem­ ory, I think it was 251. Now, there are very few persons who give them­ selves much concern over the possibil­ ity that they may become the victims of an electrical storm, but there are many who do not set out on'a railway' journey without the, fear before their eyes that "something may happen*" It may be reasstifring to such persons, as well as to many who are in temporary alarm just now hereabouts, to bear in mind that they are almost as likely to he struck by lightning--although the chances that they will be aire only one in about 30,000--as that they will lose their lives in a railway accident. Dr. Lardner some time ago, when .the safety of passengers on railroads was not as well provided for as it is to-day, estimated that the chance that he might be killed was one, to 05,000,000 for every one mile trayeied. The sec- pnd Charles Francis Adams, when he first began to study railroad problems, gave conclusive proof that arnan who would stay the year round in a first- class passenger car on an express train had less prospect of meeting a violent death than if he were to remain for the same time in his own house. Colonel Thomas A. Scott once remarked that a railroad car was a safer place than a hotel. Franklin B. Gowen, when taking a special flyer on one of the mornings when he was whirled up to Pottsville to prosecute Jack Kehoe and other Molly Maguires, observed that he could trust his safety on a train at fifty miles an hour a good deal more than his father could have done fifty years before in n stage coach at ten miles an hour. Chauncey M. Depew has pointed out how the Empire State express made its great runs daily to Chicago without the loss of a life, and the Chicago "Limited" of the Pennsyl­ vania, with its tremendous rate of speed, has been running for years with its record umnarred by more than two or three serious accidents and none of them a wholesale wreck. The inter­ state commerce commission's report, issued last year, shows that the entire number of passengers carried on the railroads of the United States was up­ ward of 540,000,000, and yet only 325 lost their liv&s in accidents. Mow, the real havoc of modern rail­ roading is not among passengers, but among the employes of railroads and among trespassers and pedestrians and nontravelers. How \to diminish this destruction of human life is one of the chief problems which thoughful rail- road men are considering to-day^ The Introduction of the automatic car coupler is certain to lessen it among the brakemen, and the abolition of grade crossings has done something to reduce the slaughter in large cities and their suburbs. From the day when George Stephenson's Rocket, at the very beginning of railroading, struck down and killed, in the presence of the duke of Wellington, the famous Hus- kisson, who had been a member of his cabinet, the death roll on the rail has been numbered by the tens of thou­ sands. I fancy that few of us pause to think that in a single twelvemonth the number of lives destroyed on the rail­ roads of this country alone is greater than the entire loss of Meade's army at the battle of Gettysburg. The whole war of the rebellion, indeed, hardly presents a more ghastly record than the list of dead and wounded on the railroads of the United States in the period following the war. For exam­ ple, in 1894 there were 0,447 persons who lost their lives and upward of 32,- 000 who were wounded, and within the last eight years the death roll aggre^ gated fully 50,000 persons who were not passengers, as well as more than 250,000 who were classified among the wounded."--Philadelphia Bulletin. night's rest. But n«, sooner was the light extinguished than there came a hurry-scurry of little feet, and bright eyes shone all around us, much to our alarm; but they all vanished as soon as the candle was lighted, some taking flight up the wide, open ^chimney, others up some stall's into a loft. The man who came with us said: "Oh, those are wood rats. They will carry to their nests any little articles you may leave about." The next day we obtained traps, and tried to catch thein in the same manner as English rats with toasted cheese or a piece of bacon; but they took no no­ tice of these delicacies. We noticed that several times, when I left a bright red crochet shawl I had lying on a chair at night, pieces were torn off it, and once it was dragged up the steps to the loft; so we threw it over a trap, and the next morning a large wood rat, measuring sixteen Inches from head to tip of tail was caught; and that was the first of ten that were attracted by the same shawl, which never failed to catch one whenever the trap was "Covered with it. We very rarely, see one now. I sup­ pose they have retired farther back in­ to the forest, away from civilization. In one of their nests here I saw a pocket knife, a steel fork, a collar stud, and pieces of a red flannel shirt. They live upon berries, nuts and various roots, and seeds of the fir cones, but do not care for maize, oats, wheat or po­ tatoes, and so forth, like squirrels and chipmunks. Thieves in Africa. The gold and diamonds of South Af­ rica have already attracted a very fair proportion of the thieves of the world to that favored region. Some very fine hauls have been made and others all but made. Decidedly the most sen­ sational attempt was one a few years ago on the diamond train. To reach Gape Town from ..Kimberley used to take three days, or at least, two days and three nights. The diamonds were carried in a safe in the postoffice sort­ ing "car. Some expert thieves found out _ where the safe always stood in the car, and under that spot, beneath the bottom of the car, rigged up a plat­ form of rope and plank whereon a man could lie and work with a drill as the train- sped on its way. It Is a lonely journey, with hours and hours between stations. The thief endured his uncomfortable position be­ neath the moving train long enough to bore a circlet of holes in the bottom of the iron safe, having first cut a piece, out of the bottom of the car. His plan was to complete the circle in this tedious way so as to remove a piece of the safe-bottom, and leave ar- hole large enough for the insertion of an arm, the removal of a bag and the capture of a fortune in diamonds. Unfortunately for him, he was either disturbed, or he got tired, or he dropped off his planks. At any rate, he did not cut out the piece of metal, conse­ quently did not reap his glittering re­ ward. He escaped. , The postoffice people in the car heard nothing of the drill--which probably was silent save when there was the clatter-racket of the wheels to drown its noise: When the platform and the pierced safe were discovered, the thief had gone, and left no clew be- »yond his handiwork, which never prov­ ed sufficient for tracing his where­ abouts. "Now for the other car," he said, cheerily, and -the keepers commenced to hustle the unfortunates out. Inch crouched, low in his seat and ed by. Mr. Blank, notebook in sang out,'"Forty-nine," just as keeper escorted a man to the plat- and called: "That's all." down the platform. So much interest had been manifest­ ed in the crowd of insane men that few people on the platform had noticed the struggle between Dr. Blank and Mr. Inch. The few who had seen it went away when the insane men were marched off, and so a little later, when a station hand came" across the re­ spectable Mr. Inch asleep- in a pile of freight, his clothes torn and dirty, his hat ripped through the middle, .and minus his collar and necktie, lie threw up his hands in astonishment. He called other station hands, and the men in the baggage room came, too, and their eyes nearly popped out of , m t X Obstinate- Royal Patient. "Asking-liasright to die, but not the right, to be^Hl," said Louis XVIII. to his docf<j$kr forbidding them at the same time tV'pu^liah the truth about his condition.' Alexander I.. perhaps in imitation of the. Bourbon he!had helped to his throne,, acted upon the saine principle, though he did not embody it in a para­ doxical epigram. For more than forty- eight hbnrs lie refused to be bled, not­ withstanding the urgent persuasion of his physicians and the Empress. Find­ ing all persuasion useless, Dr. Wellye plainly told .the Czar that, having re fused the.aid of science till It was too late, lie had no resource left but the aid of religion. "But I have an Idea that that will prove a broken reed to you," said the blunt physician, a worthy predecessor of Zacharlu. "I am tifraid that religion will be of little, tise, to the man whose obstinacy in refusing all medical aid Is tantamount to suicide." Thirty hours later the eldest son of •Paul I. liad breathed his last. Then and Now. The Countess of Ancaster deplores the bad manners of the dancing people of to-day. The gentleman of the old style politely asks: "May I have the exquisite delight of being your ladyship's humble cavalier in the corning country dance?" - Oh, sir, you are vastly polite, and I am overwhelmed by your request," says the lady. "Then I do not make too bold?" "Oh, sir, I would not have you mis­ construe my words!" "May I then reckon upon your tread­ ing the measure with your devoted ser­ vant?" "I may not say you nay, sir," curtsey­ ing- , "Madam, you are too condescending, I will not fail to claim your hand," re­ tiring with courteous humility. The gentleman of the new style says: "Ah, Lady Florence, got an entry left, or is your book full?" "Well, here's a -quadj^llc running loose," says the lady, looking at her card. "Oh, hang quadrilles! I'm not out for walking exercise. Nqt on the square, t'wiggey vous?" says the gentleman. "You funny old cripple! Here's a polka I'm not sure about." "A polka! That's my form! We'll fire right into the brown of 'em, and have a glass of the boy afterward, eh?" "It's a bet," says the lady. "Done. So long," says the gentleman . , Th« Benefit. Algernon--Fo^ a long time I was in doubt whether to kiss Miss Maude or not. Alfred--Well, what, did you do? Algernon--Gave her the benefit of the doubt.--Washington Times. A Lightninir Change. Talk about lightning changes! Did you ever wajtcli a business man greet a visitor \£ho < he thought was a custo­ med, but who turned out to be a book agent?-^Somcrville Jouruai. ' Oregon Wood Rats. The Oregon wood rat has a curious fondness for bright colors. It Is larger than the common rat, with a long bushy tail; and It makes Its nest at the top of fir trees--a mass of sticks and moss. But as soon as any one builds a hut In the forest, the wood rat comes to inspect it, as they are very curlousl and also very fond of appropriating any bright objects, and will carry away forks, spoons, and so forth. They often desert the trees and begin to build a nest under the roof of the hut, or in any undisturbed place. I once found nest half made In an old wash tub, and lined with red flannel. When we ar rived here thirteen years ago frqm England, says the writer, it was near­ ly evening; the roads had been very rough from Corvallis, and we were quite tired out, and very glad to see the old hut on the claim we had bought No one felt inclined to do much that night, so we spread mattresses on the floor and prepared to have a good Where Men Fail as Lovers, It Is a question with me," writes Lilian Bell, In Ladies' Home Journal, whether a woman ever knows all the joys of love-making who has one of those dumb, silent husbands .who doubtless adores her, but Is able to ex­ press it only In deeds. It requires an act of the will to remember that his ettlng down town at 7 o'clock every morning is all done for yeu, when be hasn't been able to tell you in words that he loves you. It is hard to get Jl letter telling about the weather and how busy he is, when the sauie amount of space saying that he got to think­ ing about you yesterday, when lie saw girl on the street who looked like ou, only she didn't carry herself so well asJyou do, and that he loves you, goocT-by--would have fairly made your heart turn over with joy, and made you kiss the hurried lines and thrust the letter in your belt, where you could crackle it now and then just to make sure it was there. Nearly all nice men make good lovers in deeds. A reat many fail at some important crisis In the handling of words. But the last test of all, and, to my mind, the greatest, is in the use olj. .words as a balm.' Few people, be they men or women, be they only friends, lovers or married, can help occasionally hurting each other's feel­ ings. Accidents are continually hap­ pening even when peopio are good- tempered. And for quick or evil tem­ pered ones there ig but one remedy-- the handsome, lionest apology. The most, perfect lover is the one who best understands how and when to apob ogize." Italian's Lamp Invention. A new lamp which lias just been in­ vented by an Italian will, if all that is said of it be true, bring joy to the heart of the housewife. The lamp, which is declared to be no heavier than one of the ordinary kind, generates its own gas. The cost,, however, is only one- fifth that of the ordinary gas, while the Illumination Is as bright as that of an electric lamp and much whiter. A sin­ gle lamp floods a large room with light, and as, in addition, it is clean and odorless, one cannot wonder that both the electric light and the - gas com­ panies dread its rivalry." But unfor­ tunately the promises of inventors aro not always carried out to the letter. LAUGHTER A GREAT TONIC. Keeps the Fpirita Buoyant, the Heart and Face Young. "I presume if we laughed more we should all be happier and healthier," writes Edward W. Bok in the Ladles' Home Jdurnal. "True, we are a busy and a very practical people. And most of us probably find more in this life to bring the frown than the smile. But, nevertheless, it is a pity that we do not laugh more; that we do not bring ourselves to the laugh, if heed be. For , we all agree that a good laugh Is the best medicine in the world. Physicians have said that no other feeling works so much good to the entire human body as that of mer­ riment. As a digestive, it is unex­ celled; as a means of expanding the lungs, there is nothing better. It keeps the heart and face young. It is the best of all tonics to the spirits. It Is, too, the most enjoyable of all sensa­ tions. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us, and puts us into closer touch with what is best and brightest in our lot in life. It is, to be regretted, then, that such a potent agency for our personal good is not more often used. It costs nothing. All other med­ icines are more or lesfe expensive. 'Why,' said an old doctor not long ago, 'if people fully, realized what it meant to themselves to laugh, and laughed as they should, ninety per cent. Of the doctors Woutd have to go out of busi­ ness.' Probably when we get a little less busy, we shall laugh - more. For, after all, the difference between gloom and laughter is but a step. And if more of us simply took a step aside oftener than We do, and rested more, We would laugh more. By laughing I do not mean the silly giggle indulged in by some women and so many girls. There is no outward mark which dem­ onstrates the woman of shallow mind so unmistakably as that of giggling. There is no sense in the giggle; no ben­ efit to be derived from it. It makes a fool of the person herself, and ren­ ders every one about her uncomfort­ able. But just as tb-* giggle is the outcome of : a small mind, the hearty laugh Is the reflection of a healthful nature. What we want is more good laughers in the world--not more gig glers." Story cfa Dog. In the flush days of steam-boating, before the war, the captain of a Mis­ sissippi river boat had a dog that could distinguish between the passen­ gers if once he had heard their names. The matter was mentioned one night in the saloon, and a passenger sneer­ ed at the idea. "Bet you five hundred dollars the dog can't do it once in thre6 times," he said. "Done," rejoined the captain. "Write note to your wife and I will* write one to mine. Both ai-e in the ladies' cabin. We will give the notes to Snip at the same time, and if he fails to deliver them properly the nioney is yours." The passenger wrote merely his wife's petname inside a slip of paper, which lie folded and addressed. The captain's missive ran: "Dear Wife--Send me word at once what Snip does when he comes into the cabin." He delivered both slips to the dog, saying as he handed over the passen­ ger's note: Snip, this is for Mrs; M----, who sat beside me at supper. Give it to her, then take this other note to your Miss Catherine." Snip ran away. The men sat smok­ ing and chatting. Very soon a waiter brought a scrap of paper to the pas­ senger. His wife had written: What does it mean, your sending me a note by this little dog?" Shortly after came this note from the captain's wife: Snip came In and ran about sniffing at all of us, .then jumped in Mrs. M 's lap, dropped a bit of paper there, and came to me with the other one." The passenger offered one thousand dollars for Snip, saying luck would ot gfejigainst him if he-ewaed-so- wise bemst. But the captain would not part with Snip, who lived and died a river dog. A Remarkable Echo. One of the most remarkable echoes In the world Is that produced by the suspension bridge across the Meiiai straits in Wales. The sound of a blow with a hammer on one of the main piers is returned In succession from each of the cross, beams which sup­ port the roadway, in addition to which the sound Is many times repeated be­ tween the water and the roadway, at the rate of twenty-eight times in five seconds. x 8he Knew. \ "Do you know," said the Sundiry-N school visitor to the little children, "what hell-Is like?" \: "Papa says," replied little Susie BroWnbread, "mamma's bill for new tires is something like It."--Buffalo Ex presi ; r John P. Hale's Pleasantries. In speaking of the Mexican war, Hale referred to the Western man who said lie "got caught by opposing the last war, and he didn't mean to et caught again; he intended now to go for war, pestilence, and famine." Not less amusing was his reference to President Polk's backdown on the Oregon treaty, in which lie said: "The President exhibited a Christian meek­ ness in the full scriptural degree; but he didn't inherit the blessing, of the meek--he didn't get the laud. Hie Congressional records abound in such examples of Mr. Hale's pleasantries. They always embodied some truth which could thus be more imperssive- ly told than in the form of a serious argument.--Century. Kneipp Cure i'or Horses The Kneipp cure, or that part of it which consist in walking through the dewy grass in the early morning, has long been known to horsemen. A horse trainer and tamer commends the treatment for horses, to keep tue hoofs in good condition. "I do not believe in packing and soaking horses' feet, as many horse-owners do," lie says. "In the summer time I would have the horse to be treated led early in the morning through the dew. Think of It yourself. If you are out walking in the early morning, even wearing thick boots, you will remember that in a few moments the dew penetrated through to your feet Dew passes through the boot when ordinary water would not. This works the same with horses, nature having provided this simple preventive and cure for dis­ eases of the hoof."--New York Times Hendricks--Say, If we can't get this crowd in front of us out of the way, we are going to miss our train. What shall we do? ' Carr--I have it. Let's start a discussion on the coinage ques­ tion.--Cincinnati Enquirer. He (playfully)--How old are you, Miss Browne? She--I cannot tell a lie. I- . "Oh, if that Is the case, I will not take flkmean advantage'of you. I withdraw tlm question."--Cincinnati Enquirer. The trouble with making a coi^ldante of a friend is that you do not,dare to be anything else but a friend afterward. The newest novel by Rita bears the euphonious name of "Kitty the Rag."1 Miss Braddon's latest novel has just appeared in London. It is called "Lon­ don Pride." John Gordon has written a life of Christ for the young, entitled "The Children of Galilee." Andrew Lang's "Myths, Creeds and Religion" is the latest work to be placed on the "Index" by the Pope. A new edition of the press works of Swift is shortly to appear, with a bio­ graphical and critical introduction by Mr. Lecky. The edition will probably extend to eight volumes. A special winter number of the Lon­ don Studio is to contain $n article of Stevenson's never before published. It is an account of the novelist's stay at Monhstier in the autumn of 18®, and was originally intended to serye as the opening chapter of "Travels with a Donkey in the Ceyennes." Marie Corelli continues to rage in England unabated.. To one. who ha# read her ranting and inartistic "Mighty Atom," it seems incredible that her London publishers have just'Completed an eleventh edition, making an aggre­ gate of 78,000 volumes Of this book alone. At the Nottingham Public. Li­ brary note was recently taken of the first hundred books issued after the annual stock taking. Eleven of the number were Marie Corelli's; Crockett followed with six, Edna LyaU with five, and Hall Caine with four. The unique fine art work called "The Book of Beauty," containing fifty large portraits of titled ladles of the later Victorian era, is to be handled on this side of the Atlantic by Geo. D. Sproul, of New York. The list of portraits com­ prises most of the great English ladies, from the Princess of Wales down, and naturally includes a number of trans­ planted American heiresses. The ar­ tists who did the work include Lord Leigliton, Prof. Herkomer, Sargent, Constant, Duran, Millais and Cabanel. The American edition is limited to 300 copies. The work is issued in two im­ perial quarto Volumes for $100. They-Come Back. 0 Advertising solicitors are often met with the argument that the individual or firm name he solicits is so well known that advertising is useless. We have known a number of implement and vehicle manufacturers who argue this. way. It is true that probably ev­ ery dealer of any importance in the United States had heard of their house. We have seen younger competitors, by judicious advertising and hustling, pass them in the race for business. Then these concerns that were too well known to advertise would awaken to the situation and their advertisements would again appear; but while they were sleeping their wide-awake com­ petitors must necessarily have -made inroads into their business, which, with fair treatment and business-like meth­ ods, they will hold. The Hilton, Hughes & Co.'s failure Is a striking example of an immense house, probably known all over „ the country, but presuming on their name they reduced their advertising and paid little attention to it: Their competitors kept their names prominently before the masses, and told what they had to offer, and gradually trade began to drift from the larger house to those enter­ prising firms who let the people know that they, were after their trade. Let the largest house in any line stop advertising and note in what incredibly short space of time a larger business will be built up by somebody who works while they sleep.--Farm Machin­ ery. Hardships for an African Explorer. I have always something the matter with me which interferes with my •efficiency: Now"i1/ vviil be n: wretched ulcer near my kne&-joint to hinder my walking; at another time one near my right elbow to weaken my arm and give file unsteady aim in shooting. Then I am cured of these, and feel miserable and feverish; but snap shots of deafen­ ing quinine make me strong and cheer­ ful, and fit to bear the strain of a few days' visit from malarial neuralgia, which seizes my head, makes tender every tooth, and stabs me unmercifully with.aqutest pain, till my head is ach­ ing with hammering throbs, and the eyes, through pain, are curtained by a mist. In due time I recover from this, and become dyspeptic, or cannot wear my largest shirt because of a swollen spleen. I gradually reduce this, and then blisters on the feet, and erysipelas in the ankles, make walking the worst kind of agony. Illness to me in Africa is as the bubble in a spirit-level: it moves and changes its position, but never ceases.--Century. Bear Heavy Pressure. Piscatorial authorities of highest re­ pute say that fishes and mollusks living at a depth of more than three miles un­ der water have to bear a pressure of several tons, the weight being that of the superincumbent brine, which ex­ erts its power from all sides alike. The reason that they are able to bear this tremendous weight Is because v they have exceedingly loose tissues, which allow water to flow through every in­ terstice, thus equalizing the weight. When the pressure is removed they die almost instantly. Sleeping Apartments. The amount of effete matter given off by the skin and lungs during sleep makes it Imperative that care should be bestowed on sleeping apartments in keeping the air sweet and clean. The body odors, which are so perceptible in a close room as one rises from nthe bed, cannot but prove injurious If prop­ er attention is not given to ventilation of the room and clothing. Every ar­ ticle of bedding In use should, receive its daily airing in the sunshine and wind. Unsolicited Testimonial. Next Door Neighbor--I heard your daughter practicing her scales on the piano at a very late hour last night She has a remarkable touch. * Mr. Kajones--My daughter? Thun­ der! That was the cat running up and down j&e keyboard! mr . s • •X>;.!