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PAGE 20 • PLAINDEALER - FRIDAY, MAY Past 65 Write to Carl Riblet, Jr. at Box 40757, Tucson, Ariz., 85717 for information and advice on questions you may have as an elder citizen, with self-addressed, stamped envelope. All questions will be answered, either direct or in this column. - "GYPSY BARON" SCENE--Mary Idstein, left, Wally Nowicki and Patricia Mayer are part of the small gypsy chorus to be heard in settings from Richard Strauss' "The Gypsy Baron". It is one of the sections to be featured in the McHenry Choral club's Spring program which will be presented at 8:15 p.m. in West campus auditorium Saturday and Sunday evenings, May 3-4. Other parts of the program will focus on popular music from 1890to 1980 and Friml's music from "The Vagabond King", which was twice made into a movie. STAFF PHOTO-WAYNE GAYLORD in JOSKIMI < OOI>. staff psychologist the Family Service and Mental Health Clinic ot McHenry County. (Editor's note: This is another in a series of especially written articles for McHenry County •readers. Joseph Cools is a psychologist on the Family Service and Community Mental Health Center staff. This article is "Coping - Passive Anger".) Dealing with "passive" anger is particularly dif­ ficult, because, since the anger is never expressed directly, as in an outright argument, the person on the receiving end is never quite sure that the other person is angry. When confronted directly about the behavior, the passive person will deny any feelings of anger, and at­ tempt to place a burden of "you're being silly (unreasonable, mis­ interpreting, sensitive, crazy)." If the person who displays anger in a passive manner is someone that you are in close contact with (spouse, boss), the daily experience of dealing with passive anger is particularly frustrating. The closer you are to this kind of person, the more important it is to deal effectively with the behavior. The only way to deal with someone who expresses anger in indirect ways is to confront the person with the behavior every time it happens. For instance, if the person expresses anger by consistently being late, assume that every time they are late that they are angry. Tell the person that you know they are late because they are angry, and ask why they can't talk about it. Of course, the person will deny that he-she is angry, and try to put it right back in your lap. It is important to stand your ground - not only on that occasion but every time it happens. Certainly there will be times that a person is late for legitimate reasons, but the idea is that until the person learns to express anger directly, that every behavior that is irritating will be interpreted as a hidden expression of anger. Hopefully, if this technique is used consistently enough, the passive person will learn that a direct expression of anger is less painful than the indirect way. The only /'payoff' to passive anger is that the person can get in his licks with no consequences. Once he is made responsible for his behavior the payoff is taken away. Happily They live happily in a l i t t l e a p a r t m e n t overlooking the rent. -Mainsheet, Bainbridge. They Do Modern girls adore spinning wheels. But they like four of them and a spare. -Timely Tips. by Carl Riblet Jr. Q. - I wlnt to divorce my husband. We have been married for 51 another week with him. He doesn't love me and I don't love him. I love somebody else and I want to marry" him. My neighbors and my three children who are grown up and married, all say that I'm looney to want a divorce and remarry at 71. What's age got to do with it?" - Anna Mae D. A. - Anna Mae may do best to follow her heart if her present husband is in stable health and able to take care of himself. She has the same legal and moral rights that much younger people enjoy as they pass in and out of the divorce mill. Most of us past 65 were brought up in a world where divorce was a scandalous path to hap­ piness. But times have changed. What was scan­ dalous once is now ac­ ceptable. Marriage is said to be the greatest bargain in the world. Where else can one get a partner for a half century and. more, im­ mortality through per­ petuation of the species, and financial responsibility through debt, all for a $5 fee at the marriage license window? Ahhh! The catch is that in a bargain somebody always gets the worst of it. Q. - "At 68, curiosity gets the better of me sometimes and then I speak up and ask other ladies at bingo and bridge how old they are. Most of the time they give me an answer that I know is a lie because of how they look under a fancy hair-do and makeup. How can I figure out somebody's age without asking them outright or looking at their teeth, if they still have any of their own left?" - Kate V. A. - It's easy. Kate could ask the lady who Elinor Glyn was. If she answers that Miss Glyn was the author of "Three Weeks," a naughty book of the time - arqund 1920 - the lady is no doubt past 70. Q. - "We have been told in church and otherwise that the meek shall inherit the earth. You write like you know everything, so give me the answer to this: If the meek did inherit the earth how long could they keep it?" - George McG. A. - Not very long. Q. - In view of rising health insurance rates and my possible future needs as I grow older, should I cancel Medicare now?" - W.D.W. A. -- No! No! No! Medicare is the best of that kind of insurance that anybody can buy. Do not cancel it. Q. - "Thanks for nothing! My question I sent to you about a month ago was - is a will prepared in New Jersey valid in California? Your answer advised me to consult a lawyer. I assume you really didn't know the answer, although I thought you did. I could have gone to a lawyer in the first place but I thought you could furnish the answer. Thanks again for nothing." - James L. A. -1 am not a lawyer and I cannot assume a lawyer's role. My advice to those who ask about the validity of wills is simple colmmon sense, of which there does not seem to be very much around these days. It is to suggest they check the state's provisions on wills. That is best done through an attorney-at-law. A will drawn in one state may not be valid in another state. Only a bona fide lawyer can say, after reading a will; either a lawyer for free at All investments are not good as gold! have silver linings! pretty as a picture! Our Money Market Certificates* ($10,000 or more mini­ mum deposit) offer you one thing other investments may not ... a guaranteed rate of interest for the complete term of issue (6 month maturity). It also offers you com­ plete safety, insured and fully guaranteed by an agency of the federal government. In addition, the interest earned on your Money Market Certificate may be mailed to you, by check, each month or deposited directly to a passbook account where you earn compounded daily interest. Opening a Money Market Certificate with us shows a vote of confidence in your community . . . because we in turn invest this money within the McHenry County area. This builds a healthy financial atmosphere for us all. So before you invest your hard earned money in more speculative ventures come and talk it over with us. We're McHenry County's oldest, largest and fastest grow­ ing savings institution with over 55 years of sound financial service to our credit. An investment in Marengo Federal Savings, is an investment in the future of McHenry County! 'Federal regulations prohibit compounding of Money Market Certificates and require substantial penalties for early withdrawals. Current Money Market Rate certificates issued from ^aY 1 10.79% to May 7. applies to Marengo Federal Savings and loan association MARENGO: 200 E. Grant High--y • M5/9CI-729I WOODSTOCK DRIVE-UP RnM 47 mi 4400 W.IIMU 120 *815/344-1900 • W0009T0CK: 119 CMS Script* 915/339-2900 915/330-7440 • CRYSTAL LAKE: 590 Oartey M. m Rt. # 14 • 915/455-4300 the local legal aid office, a lawyer at a low-fee legal clinic, or any other qualified lawyer, depending on the amount of cash in the bank. Q. - "If you would please forward our name and ad­ dress to Candide, the song writer in Stanford, Conn., she can make some money writing a song for our company." - Serena Sales, 8027 E. Alondra Blvd., Paramount, Calif. 90723. < A. - If Candide will con­ tact Serena Sales, she may get a song-writing assign­ ment. She will be careful. I.hope, to make a deal that will' do justice to her talent. Q. - "My husband and I had hospitalization and medical insurance with a Chicago insurance firm for more than 10 years. We paid in a total of nearly $4,000 over the years with only a few piddling claims. Then I had my toe operation. The doctor said I needn't go into a regular room at the hospital but that I could spend only about six hours in out-patient care. Thinking it was a good idea to save money, I was in out-patient before and after the operation. The company wouldn't pay the lousy $25 for out-patient care. They said the policy only covered in-patient care, which would have been about $100.1 could just as easily been an in­ patient, but I thought I was helping fight inflation. All the 10 years we had the policy we thought the company would pay hospital charges. We thought 'hospital' meant all hospital confinement, not even thinking of the out-patient or in-patient business. I am so mad at what amounts to being cheated over a word that I want to go down on the street and veil 'down with the company!' "-Maggie R. A. - Unfortunately, we tend to think that our in­ surance policies provide for all that we could wish and hope they will provide, and so we are habituated not to read all of the fine print and exclusions in a policy. Policies are written by in­ surance people and lawyers who gamble in each case that they won't have to pay, that the policy-holder won't have to make a claim on the policy. If they lose, they want to lose easy. The firm paid what it said it would pay. Maggie didn't read the fine print. A lawyer friend of mine ' who has great experience with insurance companies, says that the average casualty policy is a maze of fine-print loopholes. He gave an exaggerated and fictional example: "An 82-year-old woman with a certain kind of policy, must, to collect on it, have injuries from an ac­ cident that occurred exactly at high noon on a sunny day with no clouds while she was operating a power lawn mower on a grassy lawn that was clear of sticks and stones to jam the mower. Only in such a case can she collect, provided it was her third finger on the left hand, not any other finger, that was cut off by the mower blades." We get the idea! It is to watch out for casualty in­ surance policies, get expert local advice from respected insurance brokers and, meantime, don't indulge in wishful thinking. Be thankful for Medicare. Q. - "What can we old­ sters do to make sure our supplementary insurance is of value and will pay off what we think it should?" - Mason T. A. - Some elderly experts on insurance could tackle the problem. Why not in each community get a committee of a few elders together who are retired insurance people? They could study, as a group, the various kinds of policies issued by companies whose activities and pay­ outs have been questioned, check generally into all types of insurance for the elderly, and then make a sensible, easily understood report available ' to everybody. Such committees could get their start with encouragement from the local councils on aging, or some of the senior clubs. Perhaps this is an idea whose time has come. Let the elderly protect the elderly. Q. - "I am interested in Ida's proposal for a Widows of the World (WOW) club in every town. How do I reach Ida?" - Cecilia F. A. - We want Widows of the World to be a wow. Cecilia's letter will be sent to Ida, whose idea was to en­ courage widows into a huge self-help organization. Q. "Do you think our country should fight inflation with mandatory wage and price control? Would it help us elder*?" - Hal M. A. - It couldn't hurt us.We elders already have what amounts to wage control as the value of our pensions and savings melts down. So, why not price control? Q. "J read about Elizabeth P., the retired Army nurse and widow who. was bored with adult education, bingo and so forth. She should know that she can forget her troubles by helping others - as a volunteer in hospitals, day­ care centers and other charitable jobs. Politics, too. No need to be bored, is there?" - Joyce P. . A. - Joyce made a good suggestion, but Elizabeth in her letter of a couple of weeks ago, said she wanted to know where the men are, that she was fed up with all the usual pass-the-time activities for widows. Perhaps Joyce knows where the men are. * • • REMEMBER WAY BACK WHEN? Q. - "Whb was Chic Sales?" - Jason L. A. - Chic Sales was the name given humorously 50 years or so ago to the backyard privy, an outhouse facility without running water that pranksters sometimes pushed over on Halloween, with or without anybody inside. The name came about in the 1920s when an en­ terprising actor with a droopy mustache who called himself Chic Sales, gave lectures on the ideal backhouse; or so I remember. Anybody out there with items for "Remember Way Back When? will do us all a big favor by sending such items to me for sharing with readers. Q. - "My husband is 75 and I am 71. He is an invalid. I work at physical labor and I am proud that I am able to do so. The time is coming when I won't be able to earn the extra income we need. Is there any program that could provide extra income for us to survive?" - Mrs. Magnus C. „ A. - Yes. Supplementary Security Income. Mrs. Magnus would do best to contact Social Security in her city. The phone number there is 382-6922. Write to Carl Riblet Jr. at P.O. Box 40757, Tucson, Ariz., 85717 for information and advice on questions you may have as an elder citizen, wi th se l f -addressed , stamped envelope. All questions will be answered, 'either direct or in this column. No identities will be revealed. WHO KNOWS? 1. What was Buffalo Bill's real name? 2. What is the shortest book in the Old Testa- ment? 3. Is the orange classified as a fruit, vegetable or berry? 4. Who was granted the basic patent for the safety pin? 5. Nem the three sons of Noah. 6. What was O. Henry's real name? 7. Which of England's queens was known as "Bloody Mary"? 8. What is another name for the Big Dipper? 9. When was President George Washington inau­ gurated? 10.Where are the "Pillars of Hercules"? Aiswerj To Who Kmws 1. William F. Cody. 2. Obadiah. 3. Botanically, it is a berry. 4. Walter Hunt. 5. Shem, Ham and Japhet. 6. William Sydney Port­ er. 7. Mary, daughter of Henry VII and Katherine of Aragon. 8. The Plow. 9. April 30, 1789. 10. At the Western en­ trance to the Mediterra­ nean. WHAT'S NEW No Ladder Marks These foam padded tips slip over the ladder ends and prevent scratching, denting or otherwise mark­ ing the surface on which the ladder rests From Nev- R Mark Inc . Box 7 516. West Hartford. Conn 06107