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Past 65 by Carl Riblet, Jr. Q. - "A survey I read about old people says old men are more upset by the death of a wife than are old ladies upset by the death of a ^husband. Can this be true that wives don't get so upset by the death of the man they are married to?" -- Clarissa M. A. -- At first, I wanted to dodge this question, but my interest was aroused when I remembered the deaths, first of my father, and then my grandmother. I in­ terviewed a psychiatrist and two ladies who are patients in a nursing home, and I have the experience of reading several, thousand letters from both widows and .wjdowers. ; The answer to the question is based on the times. Men of my age and older lived a life as providers. The man earned the living. The woman made the home. The home was the man's harbor It is where he went for rest and comfort after a day in the business or factory worlds of disappointment irritation, and frustration Ideally, he found relief both physically and mentally with the woman who was his wife. The woman's role may have seemed to have made her a person dependent on her husband. In most cases she was. It was a part­ nership in life that is lost to a great extent in today's world of so-called "singles living" and working couples. Women were generally satisfied with their lot. So were men. By the time the couple were well into their sixties, they had in most cases achieved some kind of financial stability. When the man retired he came home to live with the woman and he suffered, in many cases, if not most, the problems of doing nothing productive with his days. If he didn't have the money to play golf and travel, he sat at home and read, fussed around the yard, or twiddled his thumbs. The wife con­ tinued her role as the back­ bone of the house. When the wife dies first, the old man often feels lost. Most of the comfortable big and little things of life are either gone or changed. He is : alone with nothing much to do. When the husband dies first, the surviving woman continues to live, in most cases, on the means left at her disposal -- whether Social Security benefits, pension, or annuities and interest payments. Her life changed in the emotional sense, but she continues, by and large, to live the same way she did before, often in the same house; especially if her children are an in­ teresting part of her life. Many readers will object to interpretation of the problem in such broad terms. However, as most of us do, I look into my own past. When my father died at 82, my mother was prepared. She "knew" for some years that he would "go" before she did. She knew where she would live and how, when the time came. She knew how much income she would have to live on. She had her children and grandchildren -- and wonderful memories. She loved my father after 55 years of marriage, but she could cope. I remember her as the funeral car left the burial plot at the cemetery. As she rode by my father's open grave, she raised her hand and waved ,a little flutter of a wave, a motion so restrained and slight that only someone looking directly at her from a rear seat could see it. She lived for 12 more years and was never sad or lonely. When my paternal grandmother died, I remember the helplessness of my tough old grandfather; a man who had fought life and won andwho had always prided himself on not being awash in sentiment. He couldn't stop the tears that flooded his gray old eyes while the next breath he would make conversation about anything but grand­ ma's death. He lived for 10 more years, lonely, sad, and not so good at taking care of himself. He was killed in an accident. In my own case, I tend to agree with the survey. Men grieve more deeply for a loved wife. Women grieve deeply, too, but they cope. Q. -- "I have an insurance policy and on one statement from them they wrote, 'Charges for services that were not allowed are not eligible under this contract.' I thought that was why I had _th3 policy - to pay . what Medicare did not pay." -- E.K. A. -- That's the trouble with most of us, we don't read the contracts to get full information. Instead, we hope. In this day and age one cannot "hope" about in­ surance policies. We have to read them and KNOW. Q. -- "The letter from Theresa McC. was in­ teresting. I have been long involved in getting people interested in theirneritage. There are various ways to trace ancestry. Many communities have search programs. One can take a course in genealogical search at some city colleges. The Mormon church at Salt Lake City has the largest collection of genealogical records in the world. The Seventh Day Adventist church also helps. And then there is the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C. The best bet in sear­ ching is to write down every family name one can remember, with dates. It helps make a search easier." -- Mrs. E.N.R. Q. -- "In 1978 I became eligible for Social Security. I had open heart surgery that year and applied for disability. I received my first S.S. check and it was $220 a month. Being sur­ prised at such a small amount I applied for a search of my records. I could not work and I cound not support myself on $220 a month. In the records S.S, found an error had been made in the 1960's and told me if I would bring my tax records to them, the error would be corrected. They said I was eligible for disability. A year has passed and S.S. is silent and doesn't answer my letters. What can I do?" -- John K. A. -- John can send a registered letter to the local director of Social Security. He can obtain the director's name by telephoning the S.S. office. If no action results, he can ask for help by telephoning free to the National Organization of Social Security Represen I tatives at 1-800-431-2804. Write to Carl Riblet Jr. w i t h s e l f - a d d r e s s e d , stamped envelope at Box 40757, Tucson, Ariz., 85717 if you are seeking the answer to a specific question on the problems of aging. All let­ ters will be answered, if possible. No identities are revealed. \ • • * • The educated individ­ ual who ceases to study soon becomes unedu­ cated. MBERU. 1981 PAGE 15PLALND t Coupons Use "cents-off" coupons on­ ly on products you would buy anyway. Even at a discount, an unneeded purchase is wasteful. JOHN L FREUND FREUND FUNERAL HOMES •WONDER LAKE 7611 HANCOCK DR. 815-728 0233 COOPER-FREUND •MARENGO 205 N. STATE 815-568-7345 JOIN US SUNDAY MORNING AS WE MEET TO STUDY THE BIBLE. S«o/tc& Ske &OUptwi4A RaysMMi T. Exm, Minister Services: 10 ul Ssafey Bible Study for ail afe imps 11 aji. Shday Worship 6 pjL Snfey Eviiiag Worship 7:30 pj. 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Beverly Martin Betty Helliolay 344-5332 728-0638 Take us back to college wi th you th is fa l l . . . The McHenry Plaindealer Any student away at college wants to know the news from home. And there's no better way to get it than with a regular subscrip­ tion to the paper. That's why we offer special rates to students during the school year (9 months subscription ->Sept. thru May). F Special Student Subscription Rate. 13 50 REG. $24 I The McHenry Plaindealer J 3812 W. Elm Street I McHenry, IL 60050 S Student Name { Starting Date rv * m m V ! F Y I t l T H F R * # i ' c i »* Nativity Lutheran Church 3506 E. Wonder Lake Rd. Wonder Lake, Illinois Sunday Worship 8 & 10:30 A.M. - Sunday School - 9 A.M. The Cluirch of St Mary of the Assumption Rev. James G. Goynor Pastor Rev James Novak, Asst. Priest Father John Swckley Rev Walter Johnson, M.M. Sat. Eve. Mass 5 p.m. Fulfills Sunday Obligation Sunday Masses 6:30. 8:00. 9:30 9:45 10:45. 11:00 12 noon McHenry Evangelical Free Church 3031 Lincoln Rood 344-1111 Church Pastor Roy Wisner 1-653-9675 Sunday Service .10:30 Sunday Eve Service 6:00 pm Sunday School 9:15-10:15 St Francis Polish National Catholic Church Flonders Rd. Eost of Ringwood Rood Sunday Masses -11 am Father Joseph Brzek. Pastor Wonder Lake Sjblt (torch PHONE: 728-0422 750 I Howe Drive _ Wonder Loiie Illinois Rov Richard N. Wright Pastor Sunday Sunday School 9:30 am Morning Worship Service 10:50AM Proyer Hour-Wed. 7:30PM First United Methodist Church 3717 W. Main Street Church phone 315-0931 Thomas Lowery, Pastor Parsonage phone: 365-1352 Schedule of Worship Services Sunday Worship Service Worship: 8:15 & 10:45 Sunday School: 9:30 Faith Presbyterian Church 2107 West Lincoln Rood (Across from outdoor theater) Worship: 8:30 & 10:45 Children & Adult Sunday School 9:30am Bible Study- Thurs. 9:30am Pastor: Dr. Eric J. Snyder Phono: 385-5388 or 385-8460 Nursery Services Available Home of The Joyful Noise Christian Preschool Maranattia Assembly of God Pastor Lawrence Thompson 1304 Park Street Sunday School 9s30 Worship 10:45AM • 6PM St John the Baptist Catholic Church Johnsburg Rev. Leo Bortel, Pastor Rectory Phone 385-1477 Sat. Eve. Moss 5:30 81:00 pm . Fulfills Sun. obligation Sun. Masses 7. 9 10:30 8 12:00 Week doys 7:30 8 9 Sat. • am Mount Hope United Methodist 1015 W. Broadway Pistakee Highlands Summer Hours May 21 thru Labor Day Worship Service 9:00 Ringwood Methodist Church Ringwood. Illinois Pastor Gordon Smith Res 648 2841 First Baptist Church 7611 Hancock Drive, Wonder Lake, II. Phone: 728-1091 Pastor-Dennis Shaw Sunday Worship 10 am Sermon Discussion 11 cm Wednesday Prayer and Bible Study 7 pm The Evangelical Lutheran Church of All Saints 312-587 7727 (office) 312-497-4527 (pastor's office) Rev J. W.Hughes. Ill Sunday Schedule: Worship Services - 8:15 AM ond 10:30 AM Sunday School - 9:15 AM . St Paul s Episcopal Church 385-0390 3706 W. St Paul's 8 Green Rev. Wm. H. Morley vicar Sunday Services 8:00 am Holy Eucharist 10:00 am Church School Holy Eucharist and Sermon Nursery provided Wed 9:30 om Holy Eucharist Holy Doys as announced Alliance Bible Church 3815 W. Bull Valley Rd. Rev. Gerald Robertson Sunday School 9:45AM AM Service 11:00 AM PM Service 7:00PM Wednesday Bible Study And Prayer 7:30PM George R. Justen Funeral Home 3519W ElMSTREET McHENRV 1 385 2400 Glaviano's Interiors 414 S ROUTE 31 ; . 385 3764 McHENRY Brake Parts. Co. P.O. BOX 11 McHENRY It ' 385 7000 Ace Hardware 3729 W ELM StRfET ^cHENRV II • i 385-0722 McHenry Truck line, Inc.. P.O. BC <*76 McHENRV. 11. i 355-Ori2 Ctarcb Of Sad Wonder Lake, Illinois 4010 Westwood Drive Wonder Lake 815-653-9980 JANIE A. LONG, Pastor Morning Worship Service 11:00 a.m. Evening Prayer Service 5:90 p.m. Sunday School 10:00 a.ip. Chain O'takes Evangelical Covenant Unrtb 4815 N. Wilmot Rood Rev. Mitchell Considine Sunday School 9:45 a.m. Worship Service 11 00 a.m. Church Phone 497-3000 Parsonage 497-3050 Zion Evangelical Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod) 4206 W Waukegan Rd (W. Rt. 120) Rev Hemann f Grael 385 0859 385-1616 Sunday Worship 7:45 8 10:30 Nursery Services provided at 10:30 Education for Eternity Sunday School-Children and Youth 9 om Nativity Lutheran Church 3506 E. Wonder Lake Rood Box 157 Phone 653-3832 Wondet Lake, Illinois Sunday Worship 8:00AM & 10:30 AM Sunday School 9:00 AM (Nursery Facilities Available) United Pentecostal Church 258 Sunnyslde Lakemoor Rev. Nolan Hilderbrand 312-279-6289 Sunday9:45AM 8 6:30PM Wednesday 7:30PM Bible Study Friday 7:30PM Youth Service Freund Funeral Home Tft'l HANCOCK DR WONDER lAKE 1728 0233 McHenry Savings & loan I209 N GREEN STREET McHfNRY II 385 3000 First National Bank of McHenry 3814 W. RTE 120 VtHENRY IL 385 5400 McHenry Plaindealer 3812 ELM STREET McHENRY IL 385-0170 McHenry State Bank 3510 VV. El M ST'Ef McHENRY.IL 365 1040 Sunday 9:15 am Church Service Church School at 9:45 am McHenry County Friends Meeting (Quaker) - 1st 8 3rd Sunday. 1 I am For information coll: 385-8512 or 312-683 3840 Christ the King Catholic Church 5006 E. Wonder Lake Rood Wonder Lake. Illinois Sun. Mosses: 8.10 om ond noon Sat. Evening Mass 5:00 pm Fulfills Sunday Obligation First Baptist Church 509 Front St 385-0083 Rev. Morsholl E. Werry Bible Study-Sundoy School 9:30 om Worship Service 10:45 om and 7:00 pm Wednesday Prayei Service 7:00 pm SI Patrick's Catholic Church Rev. Edmund Petit. Paitoi Sat. Eve. {Sun. obligation fulfilled) 5 pm Sunday 7:15. 8:30 9:45. 11 6 12:15 Christian Science Society Lincoln Rd and Eastwood Lone Sunday Service 8 Sunday School 10:30 Wed. 8 pm Reading Room Tues 8 Thurs. 2-4 Saturday 11-12 Noon Church of Cod of McHenry (Pentecostal) 3813 John St. McHenry II. Wed. Bible Study 7 30 Sunday School - 10:00 Morning Worship - 11 00 Sunday Evening 6 00 John East - Pastor Phone 385-1304 344-3950 Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran Church 404 N. Green St. Rev. Roger W. Schneider Phon* 385 7786 or 385 4030 Sunday Church 8:30 8 10:30 School 9:15 Nursery Services Available Peter M. Justen Funeral Home 3807 W ELM STREET McHENRY II 385-0063 Guettler's Service, Inc. 818 N FRONT STREET McHENRV II 386 9831 Mitchell Sales, Inc. 6UICK OLOS 903 N FRONT ST MCHENRY IL 385 7200 McHenry Paint, Glass ft Wallpaper 3411 w. ELM McHENRY IL 385 7353 Coast to Coast Hardware 4400 w RTE 120 McHENRY MARKET PLACE 385 6655