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I mkerina VVhe WLKOIFBI D^UHY mil.* *»> !ft. W Sii ••' "V lt\ JOM I'll < HOI.> staff psychologist _nn« Irorn the family Semite *nd Mental Health Clime ol McHenry County. This picture of earlier days takes old timers back down memory lane. The late A. P. Freund operated the Milk depot on Elm street and delivered milk from house to house with a specially designed, horse-drawn wagon. Those were the days before motor vehicles came into general use. It was also before milk was purchased in the grocery stores. Many local residents will remember when the Fred Ferwerda family owned and operated the Riverside Dairy. The remodelled building shown is now occupied, in part, by Dr. John Goetschel and hair stylers. (Editor's note: This is another in a series of especially written articles for McHenry County readers. Joseph Cools is a psychologist on the Family Service and Community Mental Health Center staff. This article is "Coping- Disciplining a Child".) - Most parents would say that they discipline their children in order to correct behavior problems. However, many of these same parents also admit that the discipline measures are largely ineffective. One of the most important reasons that discipline is ineffective is that it is not really used as a means of solving a behavior problem, but is simply a way of releasing anger at a child. Inconsistency in discipline occurs not because we as parents choose to be in­ consistent, but because we tend to use discipline only when we are angry. If we are in a good mood when our children misbehave, the child is likely to get off completely. If we are in a bad mood, we tend to discipline more harshly. If the goal is truly to be corrective, discipline must be well thought out. suitable to the particular child, ab­ solutely consistent, and carried out without aggressive angry feelings. Disciplining with anger tends to set up a power struggle between parents and child, and may actually lead to an increase in the very behavior the parents are attempting to eradicate. Consistency in discipline is extremely important. The discipline must be clear to the child, appropriate to behavior, and administered without anger. To expect a child to be responsible is reasonable only if we behave as responsible adults. Help For Bereaved Parents Counfy Homemakers A son on the brink of manhood killed in a motorcycle accident - a six- year old full of joy and life struck and killed by a car - a beautiful daughter dead of the insidious disease, leukemia. The children range in age from infancy to adulthood but their parents all share in common the knowledge of the agony that comes with the death of a child. All are finding a measure of help and support through the sympathy and understanding found at meetings of the Com­ passionate Friends, a self- help group for bereaved parents, which will hold its meetings on the first Mon­ day of each month at 7 p.m., in the conference room at The Family Service and Community Mental Health Center for McHenry County, McHenry. The next meeting is April 5 in the conference room, 4302 - G, lower level, W. Crystal Lake road. The Compassionate Friends was founded in ^ England in 1969 to offer * friendship and un­ derstanding to grieving parents. The purpose of the group is not to dwell on the grief shared in common, but *to help one another work through their grief and readjust to life. Members recognize that talking is an important part of the grieving process; parents who attend a meeting find other parents who have gone through many of the same ex­ periences and can therefore listen and understand in a special way. As one parent said, "When one of your children dies, no one can really understand except another parent who has experienced the same kind of loss." Bereaved parents learn from one another and share things they would not feel comfortable sharing with someone who had not had this experience. Said one mother, "I think in a group meeting like the Com­ passionate Friends you may get hints on how others are coping and going about surviving. It helps you just to see a survival model and to know that when the hurt is this bad, you do indeed survive." The group offers the op­ portunity to speak freely and openly about all parts of the grief experience. Par­ ticipants are asked only that whatever is shared within the group remains con­ fidential. Everyone is on the honor system. When a child dies, parents face reactions of shock and numbness, disbelief, feelings of unreality, sleeplessness, loss of ap­ petite, general apathy, guilt, hostility, and idealization of the dead child. All these are normal. Commented one parent, "Often there is a certain amount of guilt involved, whether real or imagined. People need to realize that other people have these feelings and they are not alone with them. There is something comforting about knowing that someone else has had those feelings and fears. If you are alone in things like that, you begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you." While mothers are often the first to contact the Compassionate Friends, the group emphasizes that they offer help to both parents. The Compassionate Friends is a non- denominational group and no dues are required since they are supported entirely by voluntary contributions. It is open to all bereaved parents regardless of creed, color, social status, age, language, or financial condition. Grief and sorrow know no barriers. Associated memberships are open to people in the helping professions. Speaking of Com­ passionate Friends, one parent summed it up this way, "I think that no matter how many friends you have, what your religious beliefs are^ or anything else, there are times when whatever it is you're managing to get along on is not all there. I think at itmes like that, it's very beneficial to talk to someone who is available and who has been through the experience of losing a child. In this world there is plenty of room for loving and sharing and it can happen in this kind of group." Questions about the group will gladly be answered by John and Kay Biggerstaff, 385-5732, evenings or may write to them, 2411 Fairview Lane, McHenry. At State Conference Mi lk Day Judg ing To Kick-Off Annual Event Preparations for the forty- first annual Milk Day are under way and the kickoff event is the preliminary Milk Day queen judging. Nine of the surrounding high schools have submitted candidates who will vie for the title of Harvard Milk Day queen. On April 19 at 8 p.m. at the Harvard Moose lodge, Rt. 173, Harvard, one girl from each high school will be chosen as a finalist. The nine finalists will make personal appearances in behalf of Milk Day '82 at all news media. At the preliminary judging, the 27 lovely young ladies will be greeted by master of ceremonies, Warren Anderson of WREX- TV. Anderson will interview each candidate, giving the audience a chance to be "sideline" judges. The public is invited to attend the judging April 19. AEROBIC DANCING LITE . . . a n alternative for brlak walkers Aerobic Dancing LITE is a lively exercise program that is choreog­ raphed to be danced at a walking level. Classes are taught by Instructors certified by Jacki Sorensen, originator of Aerobic Dancing. A 25% discount will be given to those studonto 65 year* or LOSE INCHES AND GET FIT! CLASSES STARTING NEAR YOU. Closses Beginning April 5 At: CHANCE TO DANCE PLACE MILL STREET. McHENRY (1 Block So. Of Main St. Off Crystal Loke Rd.) 344-5250 * Aerobic Dancing r 8Y JACKI SORENSEN s p u r g e o n s We feature the LARGEST Selection of MATERNITY WEAR in McHeary County •Tops*Slacks. eJt2RS*DrtSS6S •Putsaits •Nursing Gowns •Maternity Panties •Nnrsing Bras •Matenity Panty Hose Unifnrns M5-4100 Family Halrstyling Cantor 385-4520 Seven McHenry county HE.A. members were among the 800 who attended the Illinois Homemakers Extension federation annual conference at the University of Illinois in Urbana in March. The theme for this year's conference was "Shaping the Future." Following the business meeting were various tours of the campus. An evening program was held at Kranert Center for the Performing Arts. At this time, McHenry county was presented the president's special award for Disabled Persons program. Guest speaker for the evening was Shirley Lueth, Aurora, Neb., who gave a comical sketch on Marriage and family life entitled "Watch Out! I Am Peeking In Your Window". A variety of classes, presented by various Cooperative Extension AT PHOTO FORUM WE OFFER FOR FREE A SECOND SET OF PRINTS WITH EACH ROLL OF FILM WE DEVELOP & PRINT n PHOTO FOROHL INC 810 N FRONT ST. (S. RT. 31)IN Mc HENRY NATURALIZER Springtime is shimmer-time Luxury looks are fashion's favorite this season, showing plenty of shimmer and shine. And Naturalizer gets the glow on, with a smashing side-step sling in pearlized imitation cobra. Sexy, sultry... pure fashion magic with Spring's most glamorous looks. Capri in White or Bone...*3695 Free Tote Bag with Every Naturalizer Purchase! PAGE 19 - PLAINDEALER - FRIDAY. APRIL 2.1962 Food Classes To Hear McHenry Professionals YES, IT Does A BIT WIPER THIS YEAR personnel from the university were offered. Included among them were: "Understanding Energy Efficient House Design," "Gardening for Food and Fun", Maintenance and Repair of Appliances", "Diabetic Diets", "Com­ municating with Children," "Growing Older in Rural America: A Pre-Retirement Planning Workshop", and "Medicinal Drugs and the Consumer". People were free to choose the classes they wished to attend. Dr. Richard Flint, president of Potential NOW, gave a special program in the afternoon on "Family Pressures in the 80 s". Following the bafnquet on Wednesday night at the Illini Union building, the New Hutchinson Family Singers presented a program in song entitled, "The Abraham Lincoln Songbook". JrKShoe Shop The Commercial Foods^ classes at McHenry East and West campuses, under the supervision of Mrs. Louette Ames and Mrs. Caludia Dalton, are joining together to hear the top McHenry professionals in the food area. These food demonstrations are scheduled through the week of April 5. Linda Wolter will be speaking on natural foods and how to make the public more aware of the foods eaten. Kris Kysiek will be demonstrating how to make Easter chocolate candies and favorite bonbons. Hugo Quan will be demonstrating Wok and stir- fry cooking and will talk ab­ out oriental cookery. Mr. Fritz will be demonstrating chicken cacciatore and the special techniques that caterers use. Gail Anderson will show how to decorate cakes for Easter, and chefs Mike Sawin and Curt Fleisch- fresser will be demon­ strating some techniques of French cooking and French pastries. • • * * The true end in living is in the development of human happiness. OCEAN CHANGES The floor of the Atlantic Ocean gets about 1 Vi inches wider a year, according to the National Geographic Society. The Pacific Ocean floor, however, is shrinking. INCOWEkT/M CALL YEGG! 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