The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

* Family Heals By Sharing by Joanne Sj John and Kay Biggerstaff are people who enjoy the beauty of autumn. But the fall alio is a sad time for the couple, who lost their second child 12 years ago. "You never really accept the death of your child, but you do come to terms with it," said Kay. "We still tend to feel bad around fall time ..." . "... because it's like an am­ putation," added John. "A part of you has come off, and you know it's never coming back again." In October 1970, the couple and their first child, daughter Christine, were living in Holiday Hills but on the verge of moving to McHenry. Kay also was in the eighth month of what had been a normal pregnancy up to then. On the day before son Jason was born, the Biggerstaffs were visiting another couple who lived in Ringwood. About 10 o'clock, Kay began hemorrhaging and was rushed to McHenry Hospital. Weighing around four pounds, Jason was born about four hours later. The doctor told John that his son was a normal baby except for one thing. The infant's intestines had grown outside his body through a small hole in his , abdomen. At the University of Chicago Hospital, the rare birth defect later was identified as "gastronchisis." "The doctor told me it didn't look very good at all," John said. "I felt completely alone. I had to make a lot of important decisions, and there really was no time for thought." After the doctor talked with both John and Kay, who had been sedated, the couple agreed to send the child to the Chicago hospital. John went with his child in the ambulance. Even under sedation, Kay said she was aware of what was happening. "I just told John to remember what we had discussed," she said. In Chicago, John said, "The surgical staff met us at the door. They ran all kinds of tests, and then they took him right up to surgery. " 'Don't stick around here,' " John said one of the surgeons told him. " 'Your wife needs you more now, so you go back home. We're going to be in there for a long time.' " At McHenry hospital, John and Kay both were in a state of shock, but he sent her home with her mother, and he went back to Chicago with his parents. The physicians told John that even if his son lived, he would be hospitalized for many months for a series of operations. So as not to crowd his lungs and other internal organs and give his abdomen time to grow, only a small portion of the in­ fant's intestines could be put inside his body at one time. John saw his son in the early af­ ternoon. "And that's when I sat down and had a talk with God," John said. "I told Him I was leaving everything in His hands, and that whatever He decided, I would accept .and that was a very hard thing for me to do... " Kay was not up to traveling, but for the next few days, John returned to Chicago to see his son and to monitor the situation. Eight days after his birth, Jason died. Because his parents were in the process of moving, their telephone in Holiday Hills had been disconnected. So Kay's mother took the call from Chicago at her house before going to see her daughter and son-in-law, but John was not at home. "When I saw her at the door, I knew what happened," Kay said. "She tried to tell me, but I wouldn't let her." When John arrived, he could tell what happened. "I said to her (Kay), 'the baby died, didn't he?' But she couldn't answer me," John said. Unable to deal with their grief together while their son was still alive, John and Kay were even less capable of facing each other at his death. "I just couldn't cry in front of him," Kay said. "I couldn't let Kay see me cry, either," said John. "I jifet got in the car and drove around." When John came home, he and Kay went to hospital, where they im­ plemented a decision made long before their son was born. They told hospital officials they wanted to donate their son's body to medical science. . day in the hospital when I told John to remember what we had discussed," Kay said. "We're pretty level-headed, and even before Jason was born, we had talked about what we would do if one of us or the baby were to die." John added, "We felt that anything they could learn to save other children and other parents from going through what we went through would be im­ portant." John saw his son for the last time in the hospital morgue. So great was his grief and his need to share his burden that he finally turned to Kay, and together they worked their way through the pain, guilt, doubt and other troubled emotions which they felt before and after their son's death. , » "We really think that our ability to communicate saved our marriage, unlike so many other people Who separate or divorce after a child dies," Kay said. "It was a very traumatic experience for us, but it brought John, me and Christine closer together." < The couple said about a year passed before things finally got back to normal. About two years later, a healthy son, Jeremy, was born after Kay's normal and full-term pregnancy. Because of their experience, the couple wanted to help other parents who have lost children, and they founded the McHenry County chapter of a national group known as "The Compassionate Friends." John said the grief and guilt and other negative emotions which parents feel afterward may drive them to divorce or abuse of surviving children or even suicide. At group meetings, which are confidential and open to bereaved parents only, they share common feelings and experiences and lend mutual support. The • group also provides reference materials and aid in seeking in professional help if needed. As Kay said, "If your child dies, no one can really understand you or what you're feeling, except another parent who has experienced the same thing." The not-for-profit group is sup­ ported entirely by donations. The next meeting will be Dec. 6 at 7 p.m. in the conference room of the Family Ser­ vice and Community Mental Health Center in McHenry. For more in­ formation, call the Biggerstaffs at 385- 5732. "Everyone we've met has become just like old friends. You sit down and talk to someone, and you feel like you ve known them allyour life," Kay said. "It's sad experiences that have brought us together, but we are helping each other, and by sharing, we are healing." PAGE 9 • PLAINDEALER - FRIDAY, DECEMBER 3,1M2 Preparing For Winter j FAIRY TALE CHRISTMAS The exhibit hall at the Chicago Botanic garden is transformed into a fairyland of decorated trees during Decerpber for the annual holiday display^ entitled, A Fairy Tale Christmas. There is no charge for viewing the exhibit which is open daily from 9 to 4 beginning Saturday, Dec 4, and running through Sunday, Jan. 2. The Chicago Botanic garden is located on Lake-Cook road, just east of Edens highway in Glencoe. By request of the Public Safety committee, the McHenry County beard had proclaimed Nov. 29 through Dec. 4, as Winter Preparedness week in McHenry county. This is the first in a series of articles on Winter Preparedness. One may receive further information by contacting McHenry County ESDA, 815-338-6400 or in person at their office, 2200 N. Seminary avenue, Wood­ stock. B Winter storms can kill. Each year, thousands are killed or injured by automobile accidents, home fires, overexertion, exposure and freezing, carbon monoxide poisoning, falls, and electrocution from downed wires. Based on steadily rising statistical averages, it is estimated that more than 450 Americans may die from cold-related causes this winter. You can help your family avoid a winter tragedy by keeping in mind these simple safety tips. First, and most important, keep posted on weather conditions. Your local radio and television stations and Weather Service radio will keep you informed on area forecasts. Even a few hours' warning may enable you to better cope with severe weather. Second, understand the terms used by the Weather Service. A winter storm watch means severe weather conditions could affect your area. You should begin precautionary measures and continue listening for further advisories. A warning means severe weather is imminent. used Jn , adude^S * m of iola 1 Other terms commonly used winter weather forecasts incl Blizzard - A combination air, heavy snow, and strong winds creates the most dangerous of all winter storms. Blizzard warnings are issued when the Weather Service expects a heavy accumulation of snow, together with winds exceeding 35 miles an hour. Heavy Snow • These warnings usually mean a snowfall of 6 inches or more in a 12-hour period, or 8 indies or more in a 24-hour period. . , V ; Freezing: Rain or Drizzle - This forecast is given when expected raia, is likely to freeze as soon as it strikes the ground, putting a hazardous coating of ice on roads and sidewalks. Sleet;- Conists of frozen raindrops , (ice pellets). Winter Weather Travelers' ad­ visories are issued to indicate dangerous driving conditions due to snow, sleet, or freezing rain. Often, • specific routes and highways are named. Listen to your local forecasts for travel advisories if you are * planning a trip by car, especially during the holiday seasons wbeo many people are on the road. For additional information on Winter Preparedness you may coo- < tact the McHenry County Emergency Services & Disaster agertcy at 815-838- 6400 or visiting .them in their Ceyu"- .thouse offices. • *5 DOUBLE HOLIDAY HAPPINESS Thinking of ways to make the holiday season merrier 'or the elderly and shut-ins can be a heap of fun for the whole family. The treats we make and buy for them will help them to know they are remembered. Inviting them out for a special family get- together, a church Christmas pageant or just a drive to see the Christmas lights can be something to give them a new lease on life. But, one of the ways they will receive double hap­ piness is to get their minds off thejr loneliness and troubles by thinking of how they can bring special joy to someone else. Why not organize - a few friends from teenagers to oldsters, who can sit down with the nursing home friends, or other shut- ins, and plan with them things they would like to make for a special, loved one, a friend or perhaps a child in an orphanage to whom they would like to become a grandma or grandpa. Help them get their materials together that they need, then watch the sparkle in their eyes as they give of themselves to make someone else have a happy holiday and also feel a very useful part of this fapotily and com­ munity again. £ c^~i,<zA old/ ATI ORNEY AT LAW ABLE TO HELP YOU WITH: Wills & Estates Personal Injury Real Estate Business Zoning Worker's Comp. And Other Problems You May Have Initial ' '•> Hour Consultation S25 Suite B Whispering 4306 Crystal Lake Rd. Point Center ! M c H e n r y ( 8 1 5 ) 3 4 4 - 1 6 3 0 / CHUCK LCWANDOWSKJ 1308 N.PARK McHENRY 385-2304 YES! McHENRY STATE BANK WILL BE OFFERING FEDERALLY INSURED MONEY MARKET ACCOUNTS! EFFECTIVE DATE - \ : :-C McHENRY STATE BANK •SERVING McHENRY FOR OVER 76 YEARS." 3 convenient locations to better serve you! M,im Building Elm St. and Green St. •MEMBER FDIC Gerald J. Carey Building Richmond Rd. at Pearl St. fU ̂ It Sits of UtiW HmmM %--4 Upon Mvmkmr in Fomftyf OPEN FOR LUNCH DAILY THURSDAY SPECIAL Tanks ftosod on Amount of BAR-B-Q BABY BACK RIBS $4 FRIDAY SPECIAL $ 3 7 5 UnlimHod Dotty Potoottot Croht Copocftyf . FISH FRY FEATURING THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL B A R - B - Q B A B Y B A C K R I B S $ £ 9 5 with Chicken (Served with cole slow b french fries) «r tliiiw Itmi or n|»lw mm wMcfc IhcImUi EftBj&sgl FRIDA H FRY "ALL YOU CAN EAT" (4:30-9 30) • Icelandic Cod • French Fries •Cole Slaw ALL YOU •Other Selections CAN EAT 50* Extra All the Pototo Senior Citizens ^SUNDAY MORNING Steak !n Eggs (charbroiled Butt steak - ? 3 9 i •Corned Deef Hash •Omelettes Plus Our Reg. Oreokfost Menu 8:30 om - 1 om s 5 RESH TREES BIG TREES up to 15 fMt. W« hm personally stioctod each troo. M our trots woro harvostod in loto November to insure you the freshost cut troo possiMo ALL PRICES. Choose from: Douglas Hr. Balsam Fir, Scotch Pino, Norway Pino White Pino, Blue Spruce, Concolor Fir or Fk We nave everything to brighten your home for the holidays COUNTRYSIDE FLOWERSHOP&NURSiRYl WS15) 459-8130 Rte. 176 ('/a Mile west of Rt. 31), Crystal Lako Robert L. Weber Building CrystaL Lake Rd. at Li l l ian 385-1040 HOURS: Mon. thru Sat. 8:30-6 p.m., Sun. 9-5, Christmas Hours Starting Doc. 8th 8:30-9 p.m. Mon. thru Frt. 8