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Dick Peterson A brief encounter with phone pitchman (I was in the third panel of Kudzu and I was trying to figure out where the cartoonist was going with his Doonesbury spoof when the telephone rang. I answered it. I didn't get to the fourth panel.) "Hello, Mr. Peterson. Isn't it a wonderful day?" "Pardon me? What's it to you?" The voice sounded familiar. Too familiar. "Heh*heh. Yes siree, Mr. Peterson. I agree with you one million percent. Dick, may I call you Dick? This is George Gottaminute. Dick, do you have a minute?" "Gottaminute? Gottaminute?" The name sounded familiar. Too familiar. "Yes, Dick, I do have a minute. And I'm glad you do, too." "Mr. Gottaminute, I'm not interested in anything you may have. I'm busy." Then I remembered. It was George Gottaminute, super telephone pitchman. "Dick, call me George, please. I know what you're thinking. Let me tell you/You're thinking this man is trying to interest me in nuclear insurance. Let me be frank, Dick. I no longer represent Strategic Nuclear Arms For You. There just wasn't a market for nuclear bullets and home-based MX systems. SNAFU just wasn't meant to mushroom. And, I will admit, there were too many skeptics at the Federal Trade Commission." "Oh?" I didn't want to encourage this man. But I didn't want to hang up, either. You never know when George Gottaminute will top the Nuket, a personal warhead. "Have you thought about immortality? Have you thought about having your name in the lights? Right up there with Twinkies, Snickers, Canon, Budget Rent-A-Car, feminine napkins and defibrillators? Are you upset the Olympics accepted only corporate sponsorships? And that official sponsorships for the Democratic and Republican national conventions were available only to corporations?" "No." "Please, Dick, don't be ashamed to admit it. We were all a little put out. Just because you don't have a snack food that can be called the official snack food of the Olympics doesn't mean you don't have anything to offer. The very fabric of this great nation is weaved by people like you and me. Let's turn the tables a little. Yes, Dick, you can become an Official Person of just about any business on the face of this sweet earth-from mom's and pop's to the most gigantic, multi-national conglomerate." "Just like that?" "Yes, Dick, just like that. I truly believe man is greater than any fruit pie or Big Mac or tongue; depressor. I truly believe you should have the opportunity to become an Of­ ficial Person of, say, Hostess Cakes. Rather, I should say, Hostess Cakes should have the opportunity to be as an example only. You can be an OP of AT&T, your favorite baseball team, Michael Jackson, Mobile Oil." "You've got to be kidding. I can't believe this." "Dick, many people have said exactly what you are saying. They can't believe they too can be Official. That they can say with pride, 'Ah yes, AT&T. That's my com­ pany. I'm an Official Person of AT&T, you know. How about you?' And, Dick, it looks great on a resume. But that's not the only benefit. You'll be able to find out what OP's are doing throughout the country with the official newsletter of OP's, We're Official. You also receive an embossed par­ chment-quality certificate with the name of the business you are official with, an OP coffee mug, an imitation gold plaque suitable for hanging, and the OP bumper sticker, 'I'm Official And Proud Of It.' And that's not all. For a limited time and as an added bfonus, new OP's will receive a complementary Cap Snaffler." "George, I..." "Say no more, Dick, In a few days you'll be receiving an Official Person application blank along with a list of businesses, including those that are soically responsible, that you can represent as an OP. It sounds too good to be true, Dick. And you get this all for only $29.95 plus handling and shipping. Dick, you can make this a proud day for youself. Dick? Dick?" (I'll never understand Kudzu. I'll stick with Blondie.) 1111 9 HOLES- Storytellers to tell tales at Spring Grove PAGE3-PLAINDEALER-FRIDAY, JULY 27, INf '1 Several of the best storytellers in America will spin their magical tales this Sunday, July 29 at the first animal TlHnni» Storytelling Festival, hosted by the Richmond-Spring Grove Chamber of Commerce and Industry. The festival will be held from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. in Spring Grove. To arrive at the location take Route 12 to Spring Grove and, at Blivin Street, turn east and follow the signs. The festival will be held rain or shine, under a big-top tent. Food, refreshments^, and restroom facilities will be available. Featured will be Michael Parent of Virginia, and the Folktellers, Connie Regan and Barbara Freeman, of Asheville, North Carolina, who rank among the most popular storytellers in the nation. Also, reknown throughout the mid­ west, Andrew Leslie of Chicago, and Beth Horner of Wilmette, and James May, an up-and- coming storyteller and the in­ spiration to the chamber for the festival. Also performing will be the Strong Family String Band, a bluegrass group from Crystal Lake. Admission will be free to children under 16 who are ac­ companied by at least one of their parents, and senior citizens aged 70 or older. Tickets for adults are $5. For further information and reservations call the chamber at (815) 678-4575. free. Parking will be The festival, which is designed ' to entertain the entire family, is being funded by the Richmond- / Spring Grove Chamber of. Commerce and Industry. Partial assistance is provided' through grants from the Illinois' Arts Council, which is a state agency, and also the Barrington Area Arts Council-Arts Boost. T -- | OgSffSSoWNJ •SERVING & •Friday Fl̂ pVe?ct. S^elt or Scrod. Soup & Featuring Lo£* P®ou CAN EAT! Salad Bar ...AIL YOU •Sunday ®rVfnC*L Wa«»es. Crepes, Omelets & Featuring Be»Q»u r --CAT< -• F YOU PLAN .tUUIl | CHAPEL HILL » COUNTRY CLUE *»«-S8SFaRD' 815-385-0333 BUDGET LOOKS from page 1 . | Pllf: p||| I-" MSS- mowing. The board expects to save $21,000 in road ex­ penditures, which McLaughlin credited to the purchase of a snowplow, sander and truck. After some haggling, the board unanimously agreed to pay Waste Management Inc. $485 for sweeping village roads. Trustee Richard Matthei argued that the job was not done properly, citing large ac­ cumulations of gravel in front of his property on Woodstock Street. VOLUNTEERS SOUGHT The Shedd Aquarium, Chicago, is looking for volun­ teers to manae touch stations and serve as docents conducting informational tours of galleries. Applicants must be at least 18 years old and able to give one day perweek upon completion of an eight-week training period. To learn more about the program, call the Aquarium Volunteer Office at (312) 939- 2426. Allan Zeman, superintendent of public works, disagreed. He called the price a "bargain" for 20 hours of work. At the normal hourly rate, the village could have been charged about $1,300, he said. Zeman pointed out that gravel and sand and salt have ac­ cumulated over the past eight years. He pointed out that the roads will be power-swept again prior to sealcoating next month. Loose gravel actually will protect roads not being paved, he added. The village must continue to pay off its loans on its new truck and the road work done by Geske & Sons Asphalt Paving and Excavating Inc. of Crystal Lake. The $35,195 owed for the paving is spread over 52 months, at $844 per month, including interest. The $4,861 due on the truck will be paid in 35 monthly installments of $159, Glanz said. Arts and crafts fair, sale scheduled in Crystal Lake > ; An Arts and Crafts Fair will be held Saturday and Sunday, July 28 and 29, at Flowerwood, Routes 14 and 176 in Crystal Lake. Between 40 and 50 exhibitors will be on hand with such items as macrame, wall hangings, stuffed animals and toys, jewelry, pottery and ceramics, Christmas ornaments, wood toys and paintings. Appletree Pottery of Palatine will be giving four demonstrations each day on the art of "throwing" a, pot. The Crystal Lake Jaycees will be sponsoring a beer garden. The Crystal Lake Jaycee Auxiliary will be selling refresh-, ments. Flowerwood will have a sidewalk sale. As a special treat for the children, there will be balloons1 and a clown. An extra added attraction on Sunday will be pony rides fro all the youngsters from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Alexander Lumber is burglarized Plaindealer News Service McHenry Police arrested a Woodstock man in connection with a burglary at Alexander Lumber Company, 909 N. Front St., McHenry. Police said a call was received at about 1 a.m. July 22 saying there was a vehicle at the' *• business. • *• Investigating officers found * the vehicle and about $290 in » material. C * Michael E. Messina, 4912 Willow Lane, McHenry, was . charged with theft under $300. ' ; m HEY. CHECK OUT PRICES! • CHtCK •nsr lOOK HO fURlM**1 BRAND NEW jjjl984| ) FLEETSIDI Hover 3o| ItrucksI Tin stock STANDARD FACTORY EQUIPMENT PLUSTAXES LICENSE & FREIGHT 1979 CMEVETTE 1984 CAVALIER •4 DR. SEDAN! 25 IN STOCK FULL FACTORY EQUIP- PLUS TAXES. LICENSE AND FREIGHT M84 CELEBRITY Fully equipped with air Defogger, Auto., P.S.. P.B., Tinted Glass and More PLUS TAXES LICENSE AND FREIGHT FIND TNI "HARD-to-FIND" MODELS! • MONTE CARLO SS • K-BLAZERS • S-10 BLAZERS •CONV. VANS • CAPRICE WAGONS 1984 CHEVV |CREW CAB| BIG DOOLEY 454 Silverado with Power Windows and Locks, Cruise, Tilt Wheel, Tu-Tone Paint, Set Up with Fifth Wheel and Box Liner ORIG. OVER $18,000 PLUS TAXES LICENSE AND FREIGHT Loaded with Tu-Tone Paint, Silverado, Power Windows. Locks, Air Cond. & Much More ORIGINAL LIST PRICE OVER115.000 PLUS TAXES LICENSE AND FREIGHT 111 0«# .'jiii i I ilW/ •' V» CTf FOR I ONLY PER MONTH FULLY EQUIPPED WITH FUEL- INJECTED 4 CYLINDER, AUTO.. P.S.. DEFOGGER t & MORE 48 Mo. Closed-End Lease with approved credit! WHY NOT LEASE? BRAND NEW 1984 CITATION 2 DR. HATCHBACK WE'RE OVERSTOCKED WITH QUALITY USED CARS A TRUCKS 1W* PMIIAC PHOENIX AUTO.. P.S., P.B.. AIR. DEFOGGER 'l»t1 FORD FAIRMONT AUTOMATIC POWER STEERING 19tl OLDS CHTLASS AUTO.. P.S.. P.B. TILT WHEEL. A/C AND LOTS MORE 19tO MONZA ECON.4CYI... P.S..P.B. 1970 AftAURU CLASSIC 4 OR. SMALL V-8. AUTO.. P.S.. P.B . AIR. LOW MILES 1970 LINCOLN CONT. MARK V LOADED. BLACK LEATHER. SHARP 1912 PLYMOUTH HORIZON ICS ECONOMICAL 4 CYL.. AUTO . AIR CONDITIONING 1979 MAURO 2 DOOR V-8. AUTO.. P.S.. P.B. A/C. AM/FM 1979 MALIRO CLASSIC SfATION WAGON 1975 ROKK REOAL AUTO . 2 DR.. AIR. P.S.. P.B. 1975 YEOA 2 DR. AUTO.. AIR 19R1 OLDS OMEOA AUTO.. P.S.. P B. RADIO 1974 FORD LTD WAOON SMALL V-8, AUTO.. P.S.. P.B.. A/C 19S0 FORD FAIRMONT AUTO.. P S . P B.. A/C. AM RADIO. DEFOGGER 197R CAPRICE 2 DR. LANDAU LOADED, EVERY OPTION. SUNROOF 1974 CHRYSLER COR DORA AUTO.. P.S.. P.B., AIR 197R CHRYSLER LERARON 197RMALIRU CLASSIC 4 DR. SEDAN SMALL V-8. AUTO.. P S.. P.B.. A/C 19S0 MERCDRY COOOAR 2 DOOR COOPE AUTO.. P.S.. A/C 1979 FORD FAIRMONT V4, AUTO . P S . P.B. A/C 1979 CHEVETTE 2 DR. HATCHRACK 197R LINCOLN CONT. MARK Y LOADED W/EVERY AVAILABLE OPTION INCLUDING SUNROOF •1995 •1995 •2495 •7495 •2995 •1995 •5995 •J995 •1995 •2195 •1995 •1295 •1495 •1S50 •2995 •4488 •IMS •1495 •3488 •1888 •2495 •1995 •6488 SPECIAL the WEEK 1994 OLDS DELTA St ROY ALE Loaded with 50/50 seats, window locks, cruise, tilt and lots more. Royal blue with blue interior. Only 6,400 miles. Original list over M 5.000. •H,99S H 1979 ROKK RIVIERA LOADED WITH FVF.R> AVAIL ABLE OPT ION. SUNROOF A LOW MILES 19S0 PMEONIX ECON., 4CYLINDER. ALIO P S P B . AIR & DEFOGGER 1974 AMC OREMLIH AUTOMATIC. AM RADIO 1974 DODOE DART AUTO . P.S., SUN ROOF 1974 ROKK CENTHRY SMALL V-8, AUTO.. P S.. P.B , A/C •6991 'StU •119$ •IMS •tut 1 TRUCKS! 1975 FORD '/i TON PICKOP *fOOC V-8. PS.. P.B AM RADIO 1979 CHEVY LOV 4x4 *1411 4 SPEED. SUNROOF & MORE 1978 CHEVY 1-TON FLATRED 1900 JEEP CJ5 4CYL..4SPD. 1904 CHEVY K-10 FLEET SIDE 4x4 LOADED SILVERADO WITH AIR. POWER WINDOWS. LOCKS AND LOTS MORE SAVE THOOSANDS FROM LIST 1970 V.W. ROS 1970 CHEVY FLEETSIDI 1 TON 1974 CHEVY 1-TON FLATRED TRUCK •2995 •2995 •1488 •1995 •2888 Ggfigng 90S N. FRONT ST. (S. RT. 31) McNENRY (tis)385-2100 MCHENRY HOURS: I M.-Th. 9-9 Fri.9-0 Sat. 9-5 CLOSED SONDAY i