The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

Page 2 NORTHWEST HERALD Section B Saturday, August31,1985 Advice DEARABBY Group builds super-noodle By Abigail Van Buren Political glossary serves up lesson in bull DEAR READERS: the following: It all began when I ran DEAR ABBY: A friend gave me these defini­ tions of the various forms of government, and I thought you might want to share them with your readers: COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk. SOCIALISM: You have two cows.. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. FASCISM: You have two cows. The govern­ ment takes both cows and sells you the milk, NAZISM: You have two cows. The govern­ ment takes both of them and shoots you. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both of them, shoots one, milks the other, then pours the milk down the drain. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one of them and buy a bull. Abby, what happens in a democracy? MRS. J. McC. DEAR MRS. McC.: In a democracy, everyone has two cows, then a vote is taken and whatever the majority decides to do, you do, and that's no bull! Did I get letters! Read on: DEAR ABBY: Our founding fathers did not establish a democracy; they established a republic. Let's use the two cows to illustrate the difference: In a democracy, you have two cows. A vote is taken among all the people, 99 percent of whom never saw a cow; they think milk comes from the supermarket. Whatever the majority decides you should do with your cows, you do--unless the government pays you not to raise cows, shoots one, milks the other one, and pours the milk down the drain. In a republic, you have two cows. You can sell one and buy a bull, have one or both cut up into steaks, or sell both and move into a con­ dominium because under a republic each per­ son has the inalienable right to do whatever he darn well pleases to do with his property. And that's no bull either. Around here, we call it liberty. JON A. HOLIDAY, HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. DEAR ABBY: I hate to contradict your definition of democracy, but everyone in America does not have two cows. A more ac­ curate description of how the system works would be: You have two cows, one neighbor has 10 cows and another neighbor doesn't have any. The government takes one of your cows and uses it as collateral to get a loan. It uses one- third of the money for "defense"--to protect your remaining cow--gives one-third to a foreign government to keep it from going com­ munist, and spends the other third on research to find out why your neighbor's lO.cows aren't worth as much as your two were. Then the government milks the cows, makes cheese and gives it to the poor people, who would rather have a cow. * BARELY MAKING IT DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a reader compared communism, socialism, Nazism, fascism and capitalism. Abby, comparing such terms is like trying to compare pizzas to piccolos. "Capitalism," "socialism" and "communism" are economic systems; they are not forms of government. The terms "democracy" "monarchy," "dic­ tatorship" and "anarchy" refer to forms of government--they have nothing to do with the economic system. England, for example, has a limited monar­ chy as a form of government, and socialism as an economic system. I hope this clears up the confusion. C.R.M. IN MISSOURI DEAR C.R.M.: It does. Thanks for the political science lesson. Let's not pursue this 'til the cows come home. I think we've milked them dry. LOUISVILLE, Colo. (UPI) - A group of neighbors is getting ready for an attempt at making what they say will be the world's longest noo­ dle, which they promise will be 600 feet long and weigh more than SO pounds. "It has to be the longest continu­ ous, cooked, edible noodle," partici­ pant Lowell Simson, who is storing the noodle cooker in his two-car garage, said Wednesday. "This noo­ dle will weigh in excess of 50 pounds." Simson said he and his friends mad$ a 334-foot noodle last year for t|>e Longest Noodle Contest at the Fall Festival Days Fair in Louis­ ville on Labor Day. This year's La­ bor Day noodle will be cooked in a specially constructed 20-foot-long, 5- foot-wide cooker. Simson said he talked to Guinness Book of World Records officials and was told there was no record of the world's longest noodle. Simson said his wife and three friends will make the dough. He and two other men constructed the cook­ er out of wood and steel. "It holds 300 pounds of charcoal. On top is a water tray holding 80 gallons of water. We'll exude the noodle (from a noodle machine) and lay it on the tray and lower the tray into the water," Simson said. , Hie cost of the noodle operation will be about $500, he said. "Some people have asked us what we're going to do with it, and we've suggested that someone bring 50 pounds of spaghetti sauce and we'll eat it," Simson said. FREE SPINAL EXAMINATON Danger Signals of Pinched Nerves: 1. Headaches, Dizziness, Blurred Vision 2. Neck Pain, Tight Muscles. Spasms 3. Shoulder Pain, Pain Down Arms, Numbness in Hands J BAIH Paliinaw CliAiililara run DilWMII WKHIKIWvf Difficult Breathing, Abdominal Pains S. Lower Back Palil, Hip Pain, Pain Down Legs rnui inowwrnn ei mwm VUHMVIIB nivi ipinv IVWIVU pi uwviw which iiMMly FMpond to Uilfopnctk cava* TMt la wr way of encouraging you la flad out H you hava a PNMM tint could be helped by cWnpractk carta R la also our way of ac* quahitkv you wtthaur staff and fadMtoa. Inmhutton Includes a mMmuoi of 10 standard toots for ovahiaMag the opbio and a contour analysis photo as shown abovo. More part-time jobs needed for teenagers By Cat Deakins, 9; Shorty Hamil­ ton, 13; Adam Horowite, 13; David Katz, 13; Sarah Young, 12. Assistant Editor: Julie Horowitz, 14. NEW YORK (UPI) - There are 14.5 million teenagers in America between the ages of 16 and 19. Eight million are in the labor force and 6.5 million are not. A person is in the labor force if they have a job or if they are unem­ ployed but have been looking for a job in the last two weeks. And of the teenagers who are in the workforce, 22 out of 100 black teenagers work compared to 48 out of 100 white people, and a little over 30 out of 100 hispanics. It,^ terrible that there are so many.' teenagers unemployed and that the majority of the minorities are unemployed. We think, and Frank Slobig also thinks, that the more employed teenagers there are, the better things are going to be for the country. Slobig is the Project Director for the Roosevelt Centennial Youth Project in Washington, D.C. RCYP is trying to help youths get jobs and get them trained for jobs. RCYP is also trying to inform people about youth unemployment inAmerica. Slobig used the words "doom and gloom" about the youth employ­ ment situation because of how bad it is. "The overall pattern is one of under-service and questionable ser­ vice," he said. He also told us how there are no other projects like the RCYP. This is one-of-a-kind like a Cabbage f atch doll. "Kids across the country are far worse off now than they were ten years ago," Slobig stated. "And when we look at what has happened .in. the last 28 months we see that young people really haven't benefit' ed from the overall economic recovery." "The teenagers who are officially classified as unemployed right now represent about 18 percent of the total number of unemployed people. Yet they have gotten less than 2 percent of all the jobs created in the last two-and-a-half years." The impression we got is that Slobig is not too happy with Presi­ dent Reagan. He also told us the minimum wage right now is $3.35 but that "the Reagan Administra­ tion proposes & separate teenage minimum wage which they call their 'Youth Opportunity Wage."' The reason the Administration might cut 50 cents from the mini­ mum wage is so that more youths can be employed. But if it got low- '>-ered to $2.85 for youths, then some rrof the adults might be laid off. Peo- nple will fire the adults and take on the kids. This is not so good. As Slobig explained, "about 13 million people in this country work at the mini­ mum wage. Most of them are adults and a good many of them are trying to raise a family on $3.35 an hour, which already is a virtual impossibility." MOST INSURANCES ACCEPTED McHENRY CHIROPRACTIC CENTER DR. KENNETH T. REISER, CHIROPRACTOR 4901W. ELM ST. (RTE..120) McHENRY, ILLINOIS PLEASE CALL (815)344-1025 FOR APPOINTMENT * Stiffness • Shoulder Pain • Headaches • Children's Express is here! Children's Express, a new feature especially for young readers, will appear on this page in each Saturday edition. Stories, prepared by the Children's Express reporting staff, will cover topics of special interest to young people. Upcoming features include an intense discussion about respecting others' privacy and property, and an intriguing story about high school students who hold court in class -- complete with jurists, lawyers and criminals! The features are done by talented students who tape-record discus­ sions with eachother, and interviews with intesting people. The young reporters frequently add their own thoughts to their stories. The stories are then edited by teenagers and adults; the Northwest Herald recieves the features each week from the United Press International wire service -- just for you! Qardinal 'iqiiorSi CARDINAL COUPON CIGARETTES CRYSTAL LAKE k 305 Virginia Street (Rl(. 14) OPEN LABOR DAY! BAILEYS IRISH CREAM --MJ:i»il?MM»HI -J LIMITED TIME ONLY! Encore by Stratford ALL PIECES AS SHOWN $1399 Also Save 30% to 50% on every Stratolounger Recliner in Stock or Special Order. 99 175 mp i LIMIT 1 j 750 ML CARLO ROSSI 088 GIANT 4 LITER INGLEN00K NAVALLE PLUSTAX LIMIT 3 CARTON I OO'sS. SELECTED | CARTONS S8.19 \ . PLUSTAX I | COUPON EXPIRES9/3/85 WITHOUT COUPON 6 49 COUPON EXPIRES 9/3/85 BACARDI RUM or •GORDON'S GIN! WM-1.50 MAIL-IN-REBATE EARLY TIMES orl •USHERS! |9 HI.75 LITER 39 3/10.00 1.5 LITER • RHINE •CHABLIS BURGUNDY • ROSE a X LANCERS FI 288 1 75 LITER AFTER REBATE 750 ML OLD STYLE 24 12 0Z. NR BOTTLES $6 88 $1 00 MAIL-IN REBATE 1.75 LITER AFTER REBATE 1.75 LITER CHRISTIAN BROS. •BRANDY! AFTER REBATE 1.75 LITER 1 LITER. PEPSI-DIET PEPSI b9 TECATE 6 PK. CANS 39 BUSCH g4CANS •99 BUSCH 816 0Z. BTLS PLUS DEP. 24 CANS CASE SALE AUG. 28-SEPT. 3 (815)459-4050 ALLSALF ITEMS CASHICARRY SALE BEER NOT ICED nuanquMmDat Featuring the MartHmallow Recliner NOWOMLY: •399 And Presenting LeSac NOWOMLY *399 The New Euros!)It look. Sty* and detail you expect to find it much higher prices Rocker recliner or dost to the mil mechanism - * In Selected Fabrics* ALL DESKS REDUCED STUDENT DESKS Starting at $0099 Choose Use our convenient credit plan, your MasterCard or Visa] Showroom Hours Daily: 9a.m. to (p.m. led. A Sat.: It a.m. lot p.m. QoecdSandayi 90 DAYS SAME «S'>SH -.SPECIAL lAVAWAt PUN OEUVHY AYMUBlf - 10* COST FINANCING A«e'e Aiwayi £<i«eos P'c* (815) 459-3363 Showroom 4612 W. Route 176 Crystal Lake, Illinois LOCWM O" ftOut* 17$ HSHL Mr ot (towi* H Aetata trow T*vmm