Oakville Beaver Weekend, Sunday, July 31, 1994 â€" 16 : > o. en 0 bizarr strang Yes that 1 increa No ta a The world just keeps getting stranger ccording to the Fortean Times, a Londonâ€"based magazine dedicated to the bizarre, the world became 3.5% stranger in 1993. Yes, you‘d be right in saying that most, if not all, of that increase could be directly attributâ€" ed to the fact that 1993 was quite a year for Michael Jackson. What do buying a car and a trip home from the cottage have in comâ€" mon? Besides the driving connection, both things are familiar summer traâ€" ditions for many Oakville residents. That is why the friendly folks at Towne Chevrolet Oldsmobile Geo, 547 Trafalgar Rd., are gearing up to host the dealership‘s third annual Civic Holiday Sale, on Monday, Aug. 1st. "We‘re going to be closed Saturday to price all the cars, and then on Monday, the public will have a chance to negotiate some of the best prices for 1994 inventory," explains Mike Salvian, sales manâ€" acer at Towne Chevâ€"Olds. "Most people will be taking it easy at home on the Monday, so what better time to come out and take advantage of some great deals?" Reluctant to let the cat out of the bag completely, Salvian will only furnish a couple of hints. Towne Chevâ€"Olds Geo has Civic Holiday Sale Prospective buyers will be able to save up to $5,000 on allâ€"wheelâ€" Nonetheless, it‘s important to know just how weird, you as a person are becoming. in keeping up with this trend. For instance, on a doâ€"nothing day, do you make a list of things you‘ve already done and then check them off to make you feel like you‘ve accomplished someâ€" thing? I do that. Do you steal soap from hotel rooms and mold them together Advertisement drive Astros, for starters, to make room for the 1995 models already on their way to the upper and lower showrooms. More tidbits â€" savings of up to $3,000 on Oldsmobile 88, Oldsmobile 98 and Cutlass models, and up to $1,500 off Achievas, Cavaliers, and Berettas. Mindful of the varied preferâ€" ences of car buyers, General Motors offers several options, including Value Pricing for those who prefer a "People can stop by, have a cofâ€" fee with us and check out the savâ€" ings," suggests Salvian. "We want them to feel comfortâ€" able, and we‘re always prepared to do whatever it takes." HEVROLET OLDSMOBILE INC when you get home to make a big bar of soap out of them? I do that. great setâ€"price package to negotiatâ€" ing, and the SmartLease program, which permits owners to sell, trade in or purchase the leased vehicle. The sales staff at Towne Chevâ€"Olds are happy to explain the many advantages to this progressive new alternative to buying. Owned by the Yates family since 1971, Towne Chevâ€"Olds is well known for its communityâ€"based events, in addition to great sales, parts and repair service. For examâ€" ple, the 62,000 square foot dealerâ€" ship is the site of one of Oakville‘s most successful Red Cross Blood Donor Clinics the fourth Thursday of every month. To fuel the fun at the Civic Holiday Sale, Salvian, used vehicle sales manager Rich Hamilton, and leasing manager Garry Huntley, are planning a barbecue, balloons for the kids, and a dunk tank â€" close the deal by trying to soak the salesperâ€" son who just served you! Towne Chevâ€"Olds‘ Civic Holiday Sale starts at 8 a.m., Monday Aug. 1st. Do you believe the person who No matter where you are or how many people are watching, or even if you‘re walking across a trafficâ€"congested street â€" when you see a penny, do you instincâ€" tively bend over and pick it up. I don‘t do that. My mother does that. Do you ever leaf through the dictionary looking for backâ€"toâ€" back coincidences like "parachute" and "paramedic"? I do that a lot. invented Beano used to work in the Complaint Department of Heinz Pork Beans? I do. My mother has arthritis in her fingers and back; she‘s got a knee that buckles, as well as, a plastic hip and she can pick up a coin in the street in one fell swoop. It‘s like her waist is made of rubber and her fingernails are magneâ€" tized. She also has cataracts and giasses that are always so smudged; Windex weeps on conâ€" tact and this woman can spot a soiled and tarnished penny in the crack of a sidewalk on the other side of a busy street. I can‘t do that. When you come across a dog in a parked car, do you bark and run around the car so that the dog goes berserk and knocks over that halfâ€"filled cup of cold coffee on the dashboard? I do that. Do you feel that practicing patience, forgiving enemies, savoring special moments, countâ€" ing your blessings, seeing the best in others, and believing in miraâ€" cles is one big crock of ...? Most days I do. Do you wonder just how many donut shops the face of this planet can sustain? I do. Do you ever take a grease pen to someone else‘s National Geographic and draw underwear on all the naked natives? I‘ve done that. When you‘re in Zellers or Kâ€" Mart and you can‘t find what you want and you can‘t find anybody to help you find what you want, do you start chanting: "Walâ€"Mart is coming!" "Walâ€"Mart is comâ€" Do you reâ€"use those plastic bags the newspaper comes in to store everything from soup to nuts, and it has nothing to do with recycling? You‘d just rather eat potting soil than pay for anything you know you‘re going to throw away? I‘ m like that. ing!" I do quite often. Do you ever put clothes on Special Civic Holiday Hours:10:00 amâ€" 6:00 pm Mon. August 1 â€" Sun. August 7 Antique Showsale Are you keeping a list of all the people who don‘t return your phone calls for that day when doctorâ€"assisted suicides become legal? I have a list. When you get into a crowded elevator with a friend, do you say something like: "It doesn‘t matter who gave it to you as long as you get it treated!" I do that. Would you rather spit than use the word "schmooz". I know I would. Did you ever see a pickâ€"up truck with bumper stickers that read: "Eat Mo‘ Possum" and "Honk Twice If You‘re Horny". I saw that once. Have you ever let another drivâ€" er cut into line in front of you and when they don‘t wave a thank you, you try to remember the make, model, and license plate number, so you never let that hapâ€" pen again. Do you flash your lights on and off to warn oncoming drivers about radar, and you notice women drivers don‘t have a clue as to what you‘re doing? I‘ve noticed that. When you just cannot throw something away, do you give it to somebody else as a kind of guilt disposal? My sister Joan does that. â€" your kids backwards and send them off to school that way? I don‘t have kids. Have you ever paid a parking ticket and down at the bottom of the check identified it as "A donaâ€" tion to the Foundation For People Who Can‘t Find Real Work." I do that every time I get a ticket. Do you ever wish they‘d come up with a _ combination Raid/Windex so you could kill insects and clean your windows at the same time? That‘s never occurred to me. When you stay over at someâ€" body else‘s house, do you use their toothpaste even though you brought your own? I do that. Do you wish that drivers talkâ€" ing on car phones would get some kind of semiâ€"serious but curable disease from them? I wish that. Do you dance naked in front of your pets? I don‘t do that. But I somehow suspect you do. Have you ever ordered a Diet Coke with the fiveâ€"layered chocoâ€" late cream tort thinking the pop will course through your digestive system assassinating most, if not all, of the calories. I don‘t do that.