www.insideHALTON.com | OAKVILLE BEAVER | Thursday, January 16, 2014 | 12 F Polar vortex, frost quakes and freezing fog, oh my Still, we are resourceful and resilient. We made resolutions for 2014, to be open to new things and embrace each day of each season. Even the long, cold, lonely days of winter. And, yes, we have indeed tried to embrace the unembraceable. And we've certainly learned all sorts of new things. Let's start with frost quakes, which, surprisingly, is not a new cereal. Personally, I think it's a term scientists coined on the spur of the moment to describe what happened one godlessly cold night as temps plummeted to uninhabitable lows. Suf ce to say, on the night in question, I went to bed, fell into a deep sleep, and was suddenly awoken by what sounded like an explosion. Investigating the `boom' Thinking our pipes had blown, or war had broken out in the basement, my wife sent me down to investigate. As she remained warm and cozy under the covers. Apparently, this exact scenario played out across the GTA, wives rousting hubbies to check out the kabooms, which were later explained by two words I'd never seen together. Frost Quakes. A seismic occurrence caused by expanding ice in the frozen tundra around the house. All I know is the next morning, my radio was reporting we were of cially in the grip of a meteorological phenomenon called a Polar Vortex -- wherein icy air from the North Pole makes it colder here than on Mars. So, naturally, our furnace picked that morning to cease functioning. Ah, no worries, it was only polar vortexing outside to the tune of -39C. I started tossing furniture in the replace as I awaited the arrival of a repairman. At the three-hour mark of his epic visit, Furnace Guy (not his actual name) emerged from the basement with a grim expression. I mentioned the obvious: that it was getting a tad cold in the house. He mentioned the notquite-as-obvious: that he was running our airconditioner, full-blast. orgive me, lovers of winter -- should such odd creatures even exist -- but I have to set you straight: the season you so adore, sucks. And it's killing me, one outburst of meteorological madness at a time. No sooner had winter of cially popped up on the calendar than the season ambushed us with an ice storm that dashed my spirit and de ated my hopes of surviving another winter intact. It didn't help the icy upheaval left us powerless for seven days and turned our holidays into hell-days. That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor Now, I'm not going to pretend to know how our geothermal heat system works, but apparently he needed to run the AC to, ah, warm the pipes, which eventually led to us getting our heat back in the house. Right. At this point my New Year's resolutions were of cially shot. I can't be open to new things when those things are frost quakes or polar vortices. And I sure can't embrace every day of every season when they include such meteorological oddities. Once again, winter had defeated me. Before mid-January. That night I had to drive into town. My wife said, be careful. Environment Canada had just issued a freezing fog warning. Seriously? Freezing fog? Yep, in the winter of my discontent, freezing fog is apparently a thing. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www. facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www. twitter.com/thesportjesters.