I `Tis the season for Scrooge to get crotchety That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor 27 | Thursday, November 27, 2014 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com t's of cial. The countdown is now on. Exactly four more weeks, or 28 days, until Christmas. Now, I'm not about to go all bah-humbug on the season and spoil everyone's fun. But I do feel obligated to inject a little reality into all the festive frivolity. I do this in part as a public service and in part because, as my kids often remind me, I'm the most crotchety (and least Cratchit-y) guy this side of Scrooge. Did I mention there are only 28 days until Christmas? Well, dear readers, here are but a few things you have to look forward to.... Outdoor Illumination Last year, I spent the better part of a snowy, blowy, bittercold day up a wobbly ladder, risking life and limb and coping with acrophobia -- that is, my dizzying fear of heights. But I conquered the elements and my fears and furnished the family with a Griswold-ian display of outdoor illumination. Toward which they were, well, mildly enthused; if not altogether underwhelmed. Two days later, for reasons I can't explain, despite my advanced degrees in electronics and engineering, the lights ceased working. So, on the most blustery day of the season, I went out and to hang this year's illumination off unimaginably tall trees. I told them the job was already done. Then chastised them for not having noticed. Decorating the house Well, my friends, in all sincerity, this will be great fun. Yuletide spirits will soar, collaborators will come out of the woodwork, Christmas carols will blast from the iDock, eggnog will ow like a raging (rum- lled) river and, in the end, stockings will be hung by the chimney with great care. And then, around Jan. 15, 2015 -- with spirits sunk, collaborators having crawled back into the woodwork, carols quieted, eggnog cartons emptied, the rum-river dried up like an August creek-bed, and stockings ung in some dusty corner of the oor without great care -- one of your kids will inevitably look at you disparagingly and ask: "Geez, pops, any chance these Christmas decorations will make it back into their boxes before... next Christmas?" "Yes, young one. I'll get right on it. You just relax...." Ah, `Tis the season. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail. com, found on Facebook www. facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www.twitter .com/ thesportjesters. DOWNTOWN OAKVILLE tinkered for two hours, which mostly consisted of me shaking the light strings with frostbitten ngers and swearing. Eventually, to my absolute surprise, the lights sprang back to life. Wow, a Christmas miracle. Well, two days later they died again. This time, when I went out to investigate, I discovered the two long extension cords I'd used to bring this festival of lights to life had been shredded by local wildlife. Subsequently, I did what any real man, any determined guy, would do -- I cried. And then I gave up. That's right, I admitted defeat, packed up the lights and put `em away for another year. And, do you want to know the kicker? No one noticed. Nope, not one of the oblivious residents living under our roof ever discerned or detected that we no longer possessed outdoor illumination. Just the other day, my wife and daughter inquired as to when I might be considering sashaying out into the elements FRIDAY IN DOWNTOWN OAKVILLE BLACK Kick off your Christmas shopping with amazing sales & promotions! Many sales will be carried over to Saturday in support of Yellow Pages `Shop the Neighbourhood`. Sexual aSSault & Violence interVention SerViceS (SaViS) of Halton · free anti-violence presentations to businesses/associations/schools · free confidential counselling · free 24-hour support line - anyone may call: 905.875.1555 905.825.3622 · Toll free: 877.268.8416 · www.savisofhalton.org PEGGY'S distinctive ladies fashions CUSTOMER APPRECIATION COUPON $$ 25.00 $$ Off any Regular Priced Purchase over $50.00 Hopedale Mall, Oakville 905-465-3499 1 coupon per person Wed. NOV. 26th - Sun. Dec. 7th, ONLY FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT OAKVILLEDOWNTOWN.COM OR DOWNLOAD OUR APP! *ANDROID VERSION COMING SOON CLIP and SAVE