B4 - The Oakville Beaver, Wednesday September 29, 2004 Author speaks about experiences with bullying By Jason Misner SPECIAL TO THE BEAVER As a child, Raymond Chodzinski was bullied. It caused turmoil and upheaval in his life. He realized the consequences bully ing has on a person and has never for gotten the dangerous ripple effects it can cause. A recently-retired 22-year professor from Brock University, Chodzinski, a long-time Burlington resident, is hitting the bookstore circuit to promote a book that has some of him in it -- a book about bullying and what people can do about it. "It has become more of an interest to society in general as certain events, par ticularly 9/11 for instance, the death of Matthew Daly, Reena Virk and some of the others, that have highlighted the importance of knowing what to look for in bullying behaviour, who are the bul lies, who are the victims." Called, Bullying: A Crisis in Our Schools and Our com m unities, England-born Chodzinski uses story telling as a main form of communica tion. He talks about his experience being bullied, what he has learned through research from experts in the field and provides avenues for readers to take to get help to stop the potential tidal wave o f effects that can stem from bul lying. `I've put it together in a way that if they want more information. I've shown them where they can get it." He says he wrote in an easy-to-read fashion so his 128-page book wouldn't come across so academic and that it would be soft enough for parents and educators alike to pick up, read and understand. He will be having a book signing at Chapters at Oakville Town Centre on Saturday Oct. 2 from 2-4 p.m., and will be making a brief presentation from 2:15-2:30 p.m. Chodzinski said the impetus to pen ning the book came from a conference he attended three years ago in Calgary. A mother was speaking about her son U n it e d W a y o f O a k v iC C e The Sjprott Leadership M atching ChaCCenge M ake a new or increased Leadership do natio n ($ 1 ,0 0 0 + ) to United W ay o f Oakville, and the Sprott C hallenge will match the a m o unt o f y o u r donation, up to $1 50,000. TO DATE: We've raised 28% of our $150,000 goal! who had been bullied and committed suicide as result of the torment. "It was at that point that things changed for me in respect to doing a book because she was giving a talk about her (14-year-old) son," Chodzinski explained. "He was a young man who had been severely bullied in school and what happened was he even tually committed suicide. The tragedy for me was this was a family who came from Afghanistan to escape violence and here is a mother talking to kids about losing her son. "She talked about how her son felt, and how she felt as a mother. I was very moved by that." Combining the wom an's heartwrenching words and the fact Chodzinski's brother was bullied and took his life as a result, it was "at that point I decided to write the book. I felt it was important to put this together in a coherent collection." Bullying, Chodzinski said, is a prob lem everyone needs to be wary of, from parents to teachers to school administra tors. In fact, he said likely almost every one has a story about being bullied at some point in their lives. "The catastrophic situation is kids begin contemplating taking their own life. I cite at least 14 cases in this book; there are far more kids who don't want to go to school anymore, are afraid of walking down the street." He said kids can feel "terrorized" by bullies. "They become targets by not only single persons, but by a group often referred to as 'bystanders' who collec tively validate that bully in perpetrating that crime on that individual, and it can be very, very severe. (And) a new form Ron Kuzyk · Oakville Beaver R aym ond C hodzinski of bullying a lot people aren't aware of now is called cyber-bullying. W hat's happened now is a group o f kids will use the Internet or e-mail or text mes sages to create rumours, make inflam matory statements." Ultimately, what happens in bullying is it escalates. Chodzinski said it starts with name-calling and can progress to being ostracized to physical violence. "You know the saying sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me -- they do, they all hurt." While coming up with a solution to elim inating bullying is difficult. Chodzinski said a key element in addressing bullies starts in school. Most of bullying cases start in the school set ting, he said. "There are ways in which to help protect your child. More adult supervi sion inhibits the ability for a bully to act nine times out of ten. It's always done away from an adult, it's done in the hall ways, it's done in washrooms, it's done on buses. "As a parent you must observe your child and when you suspect something is occurring, you talk, you teach and you work with other adults who are given responsibility to care for your child when you're not there. "1 think strong parent councils are so important in schools, they're a great liaison (between schools and parents)." As for helping "defuse the energy" from the bully,' Chodzinski said parents can teach things like tolerance, under standing, compassion and caring. "All of those things -- good charac ter building -- we need to teach, and I think that is really important." Chodzinski still thinks back to a con versation he had with one of his sons about bullying, and how it underscores the difficulty in eradicating it. He points to the last paragraph in his book. "I am also reminded of a question posed to me by my son, Douglas, many years ago after he experienced a severe bullying incident at school. His question was seemingly a simple one. `Dad. why do bigger kids want to hurt smaller kids or those who are younger or different?' "I have yet to come up with an acceptable response." To order a copy of the book, visit www.soleilpublishing.com, or visit Chapters and Indigo. CASUAL TO BUSINESS WEAR Call (905) 845-5571 to take the challenge! Help us reach our 2004 Campaign goal o f SB.642 million! e x p e rt A N Jro n i fo J CHARLES AUSTIN ·SHOES* 232 Lakeshore Road East, Oakville 905-845-5582 4 th G e n e r a t i o n in th<> S h o o B u s in e s s MULTICULTURAL FESTIVAL ALL DAY ON SATURDAY OCTOBER 2, 2004 A MULTI-CULTURAL SHOWCASE FEATURING: DANCES, MUSIC, NATIVE FOODS AND DRINKS FROM 12:00 P.M. TILL 1:00 A.M. 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