R Bad science, media gullibility and its pitfalls That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor 37 | Thursday, June 11, 2015 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com DON'T JUST INVEST. esults of a recent scienti c study conducted at a random university in some city and published in the prestigious Home Journal of Idle Health Chatter, reveal that people who eat a bowl of potato chips and drink a can of soda pop late at night while watching sports highlights on TV , are 97.3 per cent more likely to die happy, and without ever experiencing any of the perils and pitfalls of old age. I celebrated this news of happy (albeit, possibly premature) death with a big bowl of the saltiest chips I could nd, then washed it down with a soda containing no less than 10 teaspoons of sugar, and some caffeine to boot, all of which would join forces to keep me wired and awake all night. My wife caught me in mid-celebration, an expression bordering on contempt crossing her face. Shockingly enough, she is not a supporter of my late-night snacking habits. Naturally , I took profound pleasure in telling her that science is on my side. She seemed skeptical, as though the science was suspect and the study bogus. Ah, my wife. She's one of those people who think you can train (or delude) yourself into believing a small handful of unsalted nuts and glass of water is a satisfying snack. She's also one of those who always have science at the ready to back her most heinous, healthy beliefs. This woman's a snacking saint. She knows what's good for her. No chips, pop, nothing at all `evil'. And she has remarkable resolve and willpower. Unless... I lead her astray with the one temptation she cannot resist: chocolate. Alas, recently, I felt so bad for having led her so awfully astray -- between us, we devoured two monster chocolate bars I brought home -- I eased her CO-INVEST. PRESENTS guilt with some science news I'd come across. According to the International Archives of Medicine, researchers at Germany's Institute of Diet and Health have determined people who eat chocolate while dieting actually lose more weight. It is the kind of story people eat up, and media everywhere took that yummy yarn and ran with it. Consequently, people on assorted continents were basically being told by screaming headlines to eat chocolate. And lose weight. Naturally , I never told my wife the story , study , or science was a fabrication, a stunt by a science journalist intent on demonstrating media gullibility , and "just how easy it is to turn bad science into big headlines behind diet fads." I did, however, begin creating my own sort-of scienti c studies that kind-of support the less-laudable, lesshealthy aspects of my existence. Did you know there's a study out there that suggests binge-watching TV series into the wee hours of the morning after drinking caffeine-laced drinks is 100 per cent more entertaining -- and therefore, better for you -- than getting a good night's sleep? Oh, and people who do such bingewatching, have a 99.2 per cent chance of having way less bad dreams than those who waste away their nights sleeping like babies. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted by email at ajjuniper@gmail.com. MANDEVILLE An intimate evening featuring one of Canada's most successful investors. THURSDAY, JUNE 18 , 2015 TH Michael Lee-Chin, Executive Chairman of Portland Holdings Inc. and Chairman of Mandeville Holdings Inc. Mr. Lee-Chin will speak on "Don't just invest. Co-invest... Enhancing the creation of wealth." Brought to you by Mandeville Holdings Inc. FOR SEATING, PLEASE RSVP WWW.POWEROFACCESS.COM 1-888-990-9155 Seating is limited. 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