A Hardships and human cruelty incurred at the paws of pooch often with a toy she wants me to play nexed the whole house, it should with. Phoebe loves her playthings, to come as no surprise that this pampered the point where we secured a second princess has also taken over my bed. mortgage to nance her toy habit. When allowed up, she gets beTrouble is, while she loves to get the tween me and my wife and then batoys out, she has no interest in putting sically pushes and punches me right them away, preferring to leave them off the bed. When not allowed up, she strewn about the house, a veritable sits beside the bed puf ng her lips, mine eld over which I've painfully stomping her paws, and making unGuest Contributor turned many an ankle on unlit lateearthly noises until she gets her way. night bathroom excursions. If there existed any doubt this dog nations in methane production and, Did I mention she licks herself? alone, could be the cause of global is trying to do me in, it was erased Poor pooch has skin problems, to warming. If anyone lights a match in today on our morning walk down a the point where we secured a third our house, we'll be forever known as busy country road. With cars speedmortgage to nance the drugs she `the family that went kaboom.' ing past, she decided to abruptly stop needs to keep her from gnawing herConsidering she's pretty much an- all forward progress. For no apparent self to death. Between toys and pills, she seems intent on bankrupting me. And how does she repay me? By driving me out of every room I enter. Phoebe, you see, has what our vet eupheSame Reliable Owners Clean Every Visit mistically calls Eco-Friendly Cleaning Products `digestive issues'. Color-Coded Cloths Reduce Cross Contamination Put it this way: EnviroShield® Whole Home Disinfecting this gal's got gas. Strongest Guarantee In the Industry 289.809.9823 (XXX) XXX-XXXX She tops entire localurladdressgoeshere.com 13 | Thursday, November 12, 2015 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com lthough I'm not typically a litigious type, I have been poked and punched, tricked and tripped, hassled and harassed, embarrassed and, well, further embarrassed to the point where I feel I have no choice but to take legal action. Suf ce to say, I'm suing one of our dogs. Taking her to court where I plan to publicly humble this hound, litigate her within an inch of her lazy life, and take her for all she's worth. OK, she's probably not worth much -- I don't think she's amassed any great fortune while spending her days licking herself and begging for biscuits -- but I think it's the noble cause (not the cold cash) that must be championed. I'm talking about human cruelty here, incurred at the hands, er, paws of a pooch: pain, suffering and untold emotional duress over two years of being this needy, dominating dame's alleged `master'. She's a two-year-old Boxer. Her name is Phoebe. And she's the bane of my well-being. Put it this way: this forever-drooling, jowly, howl-y hound spends her days insidiously plotting ways to get me. She begins by never leaving me alone. She's always all up in my grill, That's Life Andy Juniper reason. It was as I was falling over her, tumbling down into the ditch, that it came to me: I must sue this dog for pain and suffering and untold emotional duress. I believe it's an airtight case. Unless, of course, the judge asks why Phoebe is allowed to rule the roost. In which case, I'll be forced to answer: "Because I'm a dog guy and she's a dog. Oh, and because -- as my daughter likes to say a dozen times a day -- she may well be a menace, but she's still the sweetest of all the peas. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted by email at ajjuniper@gmail.com. As a Maid Right owner you have my quality guarantee with every clean. FREE Schedule3 3cleans, cleans, Schedule get the 4th free* get the 4th free* *Receive the 4th of four cleans at no charge *Receive the 4th of four cleans at no charge up to $150 value. Not valid on prior services. up to $125 value. Not valid on prior services. Not redeemable for cash. Applies to new Not redeemable for cash. Applies to new customers only. customers only. SM SPECIAL OFFER: OFFER: SPECIAL CLEAN CLEAN Oakville.MaidRight.com ©2015 Maid Right Franchising LLC. Maid Right and JAN-PRO International are subsidiaries of Premium Franchise Brands LLC. Soar. Hillfield Strathallan College celebrates student excellence through its annual scholarship program. Awards, of up to $10,000, recognize talent and dedication in academics, arts, athletics and leadership. Visit hsc.on.ca/scholarships to learn more about HSC's opportunities. Scholarship applications are due November 20, 2015. " Hillfield Strathallan College's impact on me was life-changing. I hope future scholarship recipients will contribute to a diverse student population and be inspired to live lives dedicated to excellence and service to community. - Alex Winch '81 "