What is needed is "unconditional commitment" â€" not unconditional Moreover, misbehavior is encouraged by unconditional love, accidental and unintended though it may be. When aggression or tantrums are met with sympathy and understanding, such behavior is supported, reinforced, and sure to occur again. If it happens enough, aggression can be adopted as a dominant style of getting what you want. This is why tantrums and aggression are much more common in children of "permissive" parents, where unconditional love is given. Constant expressions of tenderness and compassion will not prepare the child for the real world. Kids will be devastated when their peers, teachers, and others do not show much tenderness. The child will not know that aggression, selfishness, or lying will jeopardize a relationâ€" ship. After all, no one else in this world will give that child uncondiâ€" tional love! B# rEE! Not only is unconditional love impossible, but it is harmful. The attempt to achieve this illuâ€" sory goal results in a disguised attempt to shape a child‘s behavior through the withdrawal of love when the child disappoints the parâ€" ent. Consequently, the effects on children, of unconditional love, are that the child becomes overly dependent upon parental love and attention, and an undue concern by the child for distinguishing subtle signs of approval and disapproval. Hogwash. It‘s a disaster! The exalted place unconditional love has in our society can interfere with parents fulfilling many of their parental functions. Unconditional acceptance of a child‘s misbehavior is an impossibility, over the long haul. good parent should have unconditional love for their child, right? It sounds indisâ€" putable, warm, and fuzzy â€" motherâ€" hood and apple pie. Unconditional love harms children just west of Kerr St. beside Money Mart 198 SPEERS RD. OAKVILLE ) OAKVILLE VACUUM LTD. 9599 Hurry, Limited time offer starts Aug. 1 The second pattern is the "Authoritative" parent, who has family rules and exercises authority, but all rules are explained and reaâ€" sons are given for decisions. The child is encouraged to be indepenâ€" dent and to express his opinions. Baumrind has conducted a series of studies on parenting style, and she distinguishes three major patâ€" terns.â€"~The ~ . if â€" Ithe "Authoritarian" parent â€" the "old fashioned" strict parent who thinks obedience (without argument) is a virtue. Conflicts are dealt with by force or punishment. These children tend not to have much freedom or independence. Unconditional commitment means that we care and we‘ll always be there. It means that the child‘s welfare is our greatest conâ€" cern. It means that no matter what the child does, we will not desert him...physically or emotionally. It does not, however, mean that we gratify the child‘s every whim; we‘re gentle and kind when the child is obnoxious, or give the child few demands such as chores and responsibilities. love, according to psychologist Diana Baumrind, at the University of Colorado. She has been studying the effects of various methods of discipline on preschool children for over 30 years, and comes down strongly on the side of firm, but reaâ€" sonable, parental control, enforced by punishment when necessary. We should listen to our children, give reasons for our rules, but exercise our judgment and authority even when it causes tension, tears, or other upsets for the child. For the entire heavy duty package, 4 with unique pistol grip handles! fastest, most convenient way to clean carpets floors â€" cordless â€" makes a great accompaniment to your central. Comes with 4â€"inlet system *While Quantities Last *See dealer for details Offer expires September 15, 1994 Baumrind found few differences between children of Authoritarian and Permissive parents â€" they were The third type is the "Permissive" parent, who behaves in a kind, gentle way with children and demands very little. They are given as much freedom as possible (without endangering their safety). Role Models Can Come In All Ages . V.L,.M.A. IS... THE COMPETITIVE EDGE FOR LIFE THE TRADITION OF MARTIAL ARTS + LOGICAL AND CREATIVE THINKING SKILL: + SELF DISCIPLINE + EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS + INCREASED FOCUS +INDEPENDENT AND COOPERATIVE LEARNI + IMPROVED CARDIOVASCULAR CAPACITY PROBLEM SOLVING + INCREASED FLEXIBILITY AND ENERGY + GOAL SETTING + A PROVEN SYSTEM OF SELF DEFEHCE + SELF CONFIDENCE Give your child.. 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