6 Oakville Beaver Weekend Sunday April 11,1999 E d ito n a ls Th e Oakville Beaver Ian Oliver Publisher Martin Doherty Circulation Director Neil O W ner Associate Publisher Teri Casas Office Manager Norman Alexander Editor Mark Dills Production Manager Kelly Montague, Advertising Director Riziero Vertolli Director of Photography 467 Speers Fid., Oakville O nt L6K 3S4 (905) 845-3824 Fax; 337-5567 Metroiand F a tin g . Publishing & Distributing Lid .. indudes: Ajax/Pickemg New s Advertiser. Aliston HerakVCourier. Barrie Advance. Barry's Bay This Week. Bolton Enterprise. Brampton Guandan, Bufington Post. Burlington Shopping News. City Parent. CoUmgwood/Wasaga Connection. East York Mirror, Erin Advocate'Country Routes, Etobicoke Guardian. Flamborough Post. G e orge tow n Independent/Acton Free Press. Huronia Business Tim es. Kingston Th is W eek, Lindsay This Week. M arkham Ecnomist & Sun. MkJand/Penetanguishine Mirror. Milton CanacSan Cham pion. Milton S h o p p in g N e w s , M ississauga B u sin e ss T im e s . M ississa u ga N e w s , Napanee Guide, Newmarket/Aurora Era-Banner, Northumberland News. North York Minor, Oakville Beaver, Oakville Shopping News, O ldtm ers Hockey News. Orilia Today, Oshawa/Whitby/Clarington Port Perry This W eek. O w e n S o u n d Tribune, Peterborough This W eek. Piet on County G u id e , R ichm on d HiH/Thornhill/Vaughan Liberal. S ca rb orou g h Mirror. S touffvieUxbridge Tribune. Forever Young. City o f York GuartJan Through the cracks At the same time that Premier Mike Harris has been touting the good life Ontarians enjoy, thanks to his government's policies, there is increasing evidence that all is not well in the land of the trillium. Forget about the hyperbole and costly televi sion ad campaigns. Instead, think about the results of a recent Halton Social Planning Council study on foodbanks and possible alternatives. The study rightly observes that foodbanks were never intended to be a continuing source of food for people but rather a bridge to help people when emergency needs arose. It's now a reality, however, that these emer gency periods are expanding and becoming a con tinuing source of food for more Halton residents. Lynne Russell is the author of the report and what she has to say should send off alarm bells at Queen's Park. Russell says unless the province changes its position on a number of social issues, foodbanks will not only continue to exist but have to be expanded to meet the demand. Contrary to the 'feel-good' message coming from the province, the fact is there are 11 foodbanks in Halton alone and most of the users are living in poverty with dependent children. And while most people would view Halton as a 'have' region, Russell points out thgt there was a 52% rise in the number of people living in poverty here in 1996 compared to 1991 statistics. That's a damning indictment of a system in need of repairs. Even more significant and alarming is the trend to more working poor using foodbanks. These families may be able to cope with living costs but paying for food is pushing them beyond their fiscal resources. Our foodbanks also show more disabled and unemployed between 45-65 years-of-age are using the centres...that finding speaks for itself. Foodbank use is a social problem that requires govemment-led solutions. I t 's n o w a rea lity , how ever, th a t th ese em erg en cy p erio d s are exp a n d in g a n d b eco m in g a co n tin u in g so u rce o f fo o d fo r m o re H a tto n residen ts. A TRUE Q u e b e c d i v a ^ H e lp o n t h e w a y fo r n e w - lo o k R e f o r m e r s I read in my morning newspa per, the other day, that Reform Party MPs are engaging in four- hour sessions with an "image and protocol" consultant to learn cer tain social graces in anticipation of the eventuality of governing. And who says newspapers have lost the ability to amuse and entertain? Not surprisingly, I was never able to determine which part of the story was the funniest that the rough-and-nimble Reformers are taking etiquette lessons, that they think four hours will be enough, that there exists on this Earth such a creature as an "image and proto co l" consultant, that Preston M anning's mighty minions are getting ready to govern. Right. And I'm practicing my reverse slam-dunk (off a small step lad der) in case the playoff-bound Toronto Raptors come calling. All cynicism aside, six years after arriving in Ottawa from the wild west, in a scene reminiscent of the backwater Clampetts arriv ing in Beverly Hills - Stetsons atop their conservative heads, down-to-earth Ross Perot-speak on their lips -- R eform ers are learning manners they may well need to rule out mannerly land. Oh, to be a fly on that wall. While I naturally can't afford the $175 per person fee that accompanies such a seminar, if I guzzle about six beers really fast, turn a couple of quick circles and then close my eyes, I can imagine the advice that's being dispensed on the various topics on the agen da. How to dine in diplomatic com pany. Don't offer up any popular version of grace that ends with the line, "good grub, let's eat!" Don't whine about "puny portions." Don't gargle with the wine, or com plain that it "a in 't got no kick." Don't pick your teeth with your fork. Don't carve your ini tials in the table with your knife. Don't howl like a wolf when you see dessert coming. Don't belch. And when you're done dining, refrain from telling everyone you're "stuffed," and asking if it would be okay for you to unbutton your pants. How to address foreign politi cians. "Hey, you, big tall stick of a royal guy, where the hell's that mistress of yours?" apparently doesn't cut the protocol mustard. Nor does "You're the freakin' ambassador to what?" What to wear to form al occa sions. Lose the Stetson, dude! And, no, chaps aren't appropriate. How to com port oneself in a receiving line. Don't talk about how godlessly long the line is and about how your "dogs are bark ing." Don't talk about things like saddle sores, bunions, hemorrhoid surgery or any recent problepis you've encountered passing wind. Don't comment on a guest's attire. "Hey, you're a busty little filly now, aren't you?" And, no matter how great the urge, refrain from ordering drinks while in the line: "Lordy, what in Sam Hill's a guy gotta do to get a brewski around this palace?" How to avoid social mishaps. Don't speak. Don't move. Don't speak. Don't even breathe. Don't speak. S ty les o f d ining, N orth A m erican, Japanese and European continental. Refrain from rem ark's as innocent ^s: "And you guys call this food?" Or, "C an't w ait to get home, this food's bunging me up, bad..." All jokes aside, at the conclu sion of the four-hour sessions, we'll have Reformers who are ready and ra r in ' to rule. Nevertheless, as Peter Donolo, a spokesman for Prime M inister Jean C hretien, noted when he heard about the civility sessions: "The problem is that they're going to find themselves all dressed up with no place to go." Well, at least, they'll have lost the Stetsons. Pud Pud's APflYiMGFo r \ | A SUMMER OOB , I J AT TH E <SARPBNItj6/ ^ CENTRE L BUTHEWAlfTS -£> FAD H IS RESUMl FIRST... B y S te ve N ease H o Y t e T H l S ! R E S I D E M U E A F - B A G S E R -1995 T O P R E S E N T - A S S IS T A N T - M A N 6E R G R A S S C U T T E R / * / A P P R E N T IC E 4l F E R T I L I Z E R S P R E A D E R -O F F IC IA L , W E E D E R - W D R L D - S H 0V 6L L E R / . . u r R E C O G N I Z E D F O R E X C E L L E N C E B Y . . . 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