The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

| worse sora o- ' tf SHONDECTI RUMORS ARE ALL WET Some misguided tongue-wagging has it that there won't be any Shondecti this summer. "Unh-uh"' (which, loosely translated, means "wrong"), says organizer Bob Kennedy of Ste. Marie. The third annual edition of the portage-and-paddle splash will go right on schedule, Saturday, July 10, and is expected to be the biggest run yet. Shondecti (which, in Huron, means something like "They return to such a place"), is designed to commemmorate the annual arrival at Ste. Marie Among the Hurons of the supply-laden flotilla from Quebec. Last year, more than 110 paddlers set out from the Midland Arena parking lot (which doesn't look anything like old Quebec City), portaged down King Street and launched off the town dock in a wet dash toward St. Marie (which still looks 7 Garry Parice Ontario extravaganza. The Rat Race, which has for years drawn paddlers and gluggers in homemade and bizarre craft to the annual ritual on the Beaver River (west of Collingwood) will be scrapped this year in favour of a "chariot race" (in which charioteers and gluggers will race in homemade bizarre craft which "must have two wheels and one human rider and be pulled by humans"). That one goes April 25 at Seeley's and Arnill's Pit near Clarksburg, which means you'll have a full three months to recover before July's slippery Shondecti. For the whole lowdown on the alive-and- well Shondecti, contact Bob Kennedy at Ste. Marie. For details on next month's first annual Beaver Valley Chariot Races, call (519) 599-2622 or (519) 599-2120. This may well be a crazy (which means "Troquois'"' in Huron) summer for those who thrive on things completely different. like Ste. Marie). The confusion that spurred rumors that the race might not be on this year may have evolved from chatter concerning two JUST PRETENDING DEPARTMENT The true-blue, diehard, dyed-in-the-wool sports fanatic has to rank as the most eccentric animal in the human zoo. © other events, says Kennedy. First, there's the fact that this year's Shondecti will be held on the same day as the scheduled arrival of the Destination: Ste. Marie expedition -- an actual re- creation of the old Quebec-to-Midland tour (which includes a bunch of guys who really look like 17th-Century adventurers). The arrival of the Destination gang is "one of the major aspects" of this year's Shondecti, says Kennedy, but certainly won't be bumping the local good-timing event. Another possible source of confusion is the cancellation of the Beaver River Rat s races, another popular wet 'n wild mid- And truly rank they often are. The latest major status symbols in the fiefdom of fandom are actual pieces of "game-worn" attire fresh from the foul chambers of professional, semi- professional and college locker rooms. These items, sold for wildly varying prices by private distributors throughout North America, often come complete with small rips, stretches and bite marks. No sweat, though -- they are washed. According to the Rookie, who deals in such tailor-made matters out of his ever- imposing Wayne Gretzky Incessant Publicity Headquarters in Barrie, says the attraction to these jerseys, warmup attire, jackets, caps, T-shirts and the like is because these things have lived right on the dusty mounds and muddy goal-lines and spit-covered ice that most flippy fans have always longed to roll on themselves. Somehow, though, the whole idea brings to mind the Saturday Night Live parody of the Mean Joe Greene Coke commercial where the Steeler swigs on a pop and throws a waiting kid his fuming jersey. In the SNL skit, the late John Belushi is a Samurai wrestler, and after tugging on the Coke looks down with a friendly smile and tosses the eager kid his groin-wrap. Yuck. I did, however, once have my eye on a nifty charcoal-grey Midland (Texas) minor league baseball jersey (fully fumigated, no rips, no bloodstains, but guaranteed game-worn) for 15 bucks. Unfortunately, the sweater was snagged before I could get my order in. . . then again, maybe it was for the best. Anyway, if you're interested in this bizarre trade, if you'd like to be the first kid on the block to own a game-worn California Sun or Mosquitoe Falls Muskrats momento, call the Rook at 737- 5624. Maybe you could even treat your gal toa set of Joe Namath panty hose... . MY HERNIA LIES OVER THE OCEAN Such wild summer goings-on may well attract the interest of the local curling crowd, that most loyal collection of en- thusiasts whose season will skid to a halt around mid-April. Curlers "wild"? You got it, Pontiac (which in Huron means "a chief from Michigan is having a car named after him"). According to the Encyclopedia of Sports, "More than 400 songs have been written and dedicated to curling." never have reached the ears of religious leaders, because the game "has been praised in pulpits as a splendid sport for many to indulge in." "Canadians substituted iron for stone years ago, when there was no limit to weight. The irons then ranged from 45 to 115 pounds." warbled when one of those tanks dropped on a toe. SPORTSQUESTION last week's puzzler (the width of a bowling lane from one inside gutter edge to the other), well, you're wrong. For obvious reasons, most of those songs And indulge many do. Moreover, says the good _ book, I imagine there were a few sweet tunes If you guessed 40 inches as the answer to It's 42 inches. And nobody cares what it is in metric. This week's question: Many former boxers have credited the mild-looking but fearsome furry former flyweight Peter Cottontail with the invention of the "rabbit punch."' talk the way they do. imaginary. The rabbit punch, however, is, as any boxer will mumble, very real in- deed. So what is it? SPORTSQUOTE over John Henry. He is not a gelding -- only his vision is impaired."' of keeping pony's mind on running." Now you know why many former boxers Peter Cottontail is, of course, "Cassaleria has one great advantage --CBS sportstalker discussing Horse of the Year nominees. Gelding is a Huron word meaning, "Way 4 One hot ticket The Midland Figure * and Thursday (4 to 8 Skating Club will ice the hottest show in town April 3-4 at Midland Arena, and tickets are up for grabs now. The Club's "Babes in Toyland" and "Academy Perform- ance'"' shows -- featuring Brian Orser and Tracey Wainman -- will be performed twice each day (at 1:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.). Advance tickets, at $3.50 for adults and $1.50 for children, will be available at the Midland Arena box office Monday (4 to 6 p.m.), Orser Tuesday (4 to 8 p.m.), Wednesday (4 to 6 p.m.) p-m.) of next week. Tickets may also be obtained by calling either Judy Dion at 526- 6179 or Diane Edwards al 526-7585. Penetanguishene native Orser, the reigning Canadian senior men's champion and fourth-place finisher at this year's World Championships, and the 15-year-old Wainman, last year's Canadian senior ladies' champion and bronze medalist this year, will be featured in both shows on both days. 359 First St. poooeeeeeeg PORT McNICOLL Q HOTEL | YeogeogogqQoNEs 534-7301 BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND ADAYSONLY == 'The Newcomers' Wed. till Sat. only RESERVE EARLY ~* 2K 2K 2K 2K OK 2K OK OK 2K OK 2K OK OK OK 2K 2K OK OK 2K >K 2K ok OK ok Wed., March 37 till Sunday, April 4 @ JESICA-BURNED ALIVE ¥ ee \Vatinee Sat. @ JEANIE-SAWED IN THREE WITH A CHAIN SAW. @ TAMARA-VANISH IN THE MYSTERY CABINET. Fernandez and his magic revue has appeared on many top TV shows such as Merv Griffin, John Davidson and Allan Thick. (Caution:some nudity) Y MOORINGS: ee Sun. Matinee Even. shows