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i RS nd ee a |hope!lcanstayassaltyas you _ I WAS going to say, '"'There's nothing more boring-than old people talking about the 'good old days' when they were young." Then I realized that I was out in left field, with nobody at bat, the pitcher chewing tobacco and spitting juice, the catcher fumbling around trying to adjust his athletic protector, as they now call a metal jockstrap. There are many things more boring. Little children who want one more horsey ride when your spine feels fractured in eight places from the 10 previous jaunts. Teenagers babbling endlessly about rock stars, boyfriends, girlfriends, and the money they need to keep up with their friends. "How come we only havea 21 inch TV? I'm 16; why can't Istay out till3. a.m. if I want to? I'm the only girl in the class who doesn't have con- struction workers boots!" University students, perhaps the most boring creatures in our society. After the initial chirps of recognition: "Oh, Mr. Smiley, how are you? How's it going?' And then 40 minutes of straight, self-centred description of their university courses or their jobs, their professors, their disenchantment with their courses, their unspoken admission that they can't hack it, as you knew they couldn't in the first place. -I manage to brush them off after about eight minutes with a cheery, "So long, Sam, great to hear you're doing so well, and best of Bil Smiley luck. I have to go to an orgy for senior citizens that starts in four minutes, with the pornographic movie." It's great to leave them there with their mouths hanging open. Next worse, in the boring department, are young couples who have produced one or two infants, and talk as though they'd swum the Atlantic, or climbed Mount Everest. "Let me tell you what Timmy (or Kimmy) said the other day. He was sawing wood in the nur- sery school, and his saw slipped, and he pointed at his saw, and he said, 'Don't you dare do that', and the teacher told me, and she said it was the most hilarious thing she'd ever seen, and blah blah blah, and..." Boring. B-o-r-i-n-g. We can all top that type of story. My daughter, age 7, Grade 2, just getting over the Santa Claus bit, came home one day and told my wife she knew what a certain familiar four-letter word that she'd seen scrawled on the sidewalk meant. At the time, rather absentmindedly, with Dr. Spock lurking in the background, she enquired, "And what does it mean, dear?" The response was, "When men and ladies lie down on top of each other and go to the bathroom.'"' That was the end of any birds and bees instruction. Next in a descending line of boring con- versationalists are middle-aged grand- parents. The women, young enough to still elicit a whistle on a dark night, the men old enough to suck in their paunches when a bikini walks by, they act as though they had invented grandchildren. They whine ex- changed whimpers about the baby-sitting they have to do. They brag that their grand- children are the worst little devils in the world. Boring. And finally, we get to the elderly. Certainly some of them are boring, but they are the ones who have been bores all their lives. But the others, the salty ones, even though slowed by the body's increasing frailty, retain their saltiness, and even improve on it, because they don't givea damn anymore. They can say what they like and do what they like. And they do. I've met or talked to three men in their late 80s recently. My father-in-law, 89, seemed rather frail when we arrived for a visit, at 3 p.m. At 11 that night we were still arguing religion and politics, at top form. I've told you about old Campbell, the 85-er who dowses wells and is set to go to Paraguay. Talked to my great-uncle, riddled ey URS aor TS with arthritis, and his voice and welcome were as warm and crackling as a fireplace freshly lit. This whole column was inspired by a clipping my sister sent me about 88 year old Lawrence Consitt of Perth, Ontario. Lawrence was present when the last man was hanged in Perth. His comment: "It was strange."' The man had turned to the crowd and smiled just before his death. -He had murdered his wife. Today he'd be given a man-slaughter and six years. Lawrence started playing piano 79 years ago, at dances, at the silent pictures theatre. He got five dollars a night for a dance. The talkies knocked him out of a job in 1930. But he kept on playing ragtime and jazz wherever there was an opening. I listened to him improvise for the silent movies. I danced to his piano at country dances, with his nieces and great-nieces. He always had a crock. Took the pledge in 1925. It lasted 13 months. Got sick on a ship to France in 1918, and was too late to be killed. He never married; "But I drank a lot of whiskey." He's in one of those Sunset Havens now, but when they ask him' when he'll be back from a day in Perth, he says, "'It depends on who I meet." That's boring? Hang on, Lawrence. You gave great pleasure to many people. I hope I can stay as salty as you. The burden of those who wave and stay behind You've all seen the two masks, haven't you? No eyes, just holes. One mask has a grin all over its face (I mean mask) and the other one is identical except its mouth turns down in- stead of up. Humour and tragedy usually hanging side by side, going back to the pre-tv days when every town had a live theatre and local talent and travelling troupes of players. They could do a Midsummer Night's Dream or Pirates of Penzance under one, and King Lear or Hamlet under the other, at the drop of a hat, or when you dropped something in the hat that was invariably passed for "ex- penses."" Anyway, I'm sure you've all seen the masks. What I'm proposing is a collection to buy two masks, present them to Transport Canada and have them hanging prominently in Pearson International Airport in Toronto so people don't have to pretend any more. Any donations gratefully accepted by the managing editor, Doug Reed. Having spent some time recently in both the arrival and departure lounges at PIA, I can vouch that they are overdue. It's a crash course in human nature going there, but I ------_ Kay Baker. shouldn't use the word crash. Bad con- notations there. The happy face would go in arrival. This is for the poor weary traveller, who, having travelled thousands of miles over a six to 10 hour period, suffering from time change, jet lag, airline food and long (necessary) delays going through customs and immigration, is finally released. Now he staggers under unaccustomed loads, running the gauntlet. The gauntlet consists of hundreds of wellwishers pressed together like a sardine-packers convention. They have made a human funnel, through which our lucky traveller has to force his or her way. Placards on sticks are waved up and down in their faces, reminiscent of a political convention, bearing legends like Christina Zykorski here or Presbyterian Church of Mississauga. The crowd sweats, heaves and jostles for position. Kids are in the bottom row, medium adults next, with people on carts forming the top layer. A sea of faces. At the very back are RCMP, male and female, looking serious, armed. The whole scene is awash with sound in at least six languages, with announcements overriding these. We need a happy face for our visitors. Now for the good news. We need the sad face for the departure lounge. This time it's for the hosts, the relatives and friends who are seeing their guests off. The ones who stay behind, who pay the outrageous parking charges in the multi-storey car park. Now we find the reverse situation to arrival. The traveller is not weary, but fit, sun tanned, rested and packed. This time the crowd which stays behind is hiding its grief behind forced smiles. An over hearty hand shake, a few old jokes, a clasp, a hug, an out- and-out embrace with laughter all round, with remarks like, See you soon HAHA, and, Don't do anything I wouldn't do, and so on. They don't fool anyone. As they turn away at the barrier proclaiming Passengers Only Beyond This Sign, their self-reserve breaks down. Noses are blown violently, eyes are brushed quietly, as they plod with heavy feet toward the elevator and the heart sinks lower as they pay the parking tab. Their places are taken by another throng, all laughing and pretending. Hey! It's OK to be sad, it's OK tocry. That's what family is all about. So for incoming travellers, a boost, laugh it up. For departing travellers, be sad, enjoy your misery while you can, let it all hang out. You'll feel better, sooner. Ray Baker is a free lance writer about anything. He and his family live in Penetanguishene. They all laugh and cry at airports. It's hereditary. Further details required Renovating or expanding Regent Public School's general purpose room in Midland has been high on the agenda of a group of concerned parents whose young people attend the school. At its most recent meeting in Barrie, Simcoe County Board of Education received a report from its North Regional Committee on the matter and agreed to seek further details concerning at least two proposals regarding the room in question. It pays to be accident-free Current holder of Simcoe County Board of Education's Lost Time Accident Free Trophy is the board's North Region. The trophy is awarded to the board's maintenance department or custodial group with the greatest number of man hours since the last lost-time accident. New $773,000 pool to open this Sat. The Mark Johnston Memorial Pool is to be formally opened at the Huronia Regional Centre, Orillia, on Saturday, Oct. 5, at 11 a.m. Provincial dignitaries and local officials will take part in the public ribbon-cutting ceremony. Until his death in a car accident 12 months ago, Mark Johnston was recreational supervisor at the Huronia Regional Centre. " The new therapeutic pool building named in his honour, which cost approximately $773,000, will be bagi by developmentally handicapped people of e area. Two key meets this month for school board trustees There are two Simcoe County Board of Education meetings planned for trustees this month. One will be held at the Education Centre in Barrie on Wednesday, Oct. 9 while the other will be staged at the Centre on Oct. 23. 200 bikers take part in annual Toy Ride An estimated 200 motorcycles took part in last Saturday afternoon's annual Toy Ride from Zellers parking lot. The toys are to be turned over to the Midland Salvation Army for Christmas cheer packages this December. You can help your neighbour, during CNIB campaign month This year's local fundraising goal, during October's annual CNIB campaign, is intended to match the funds spent each year in Huronia region by the Canadian National Institute for the Blind. As much as $11,000 has been raised, through the efforts of Huronia Association for the Simcoe County Division of the CNIB volunteers, during previous October campaigns. : Early this month, almost every residence between Coldwater and Penetanguishene will receive special preaddressed CNIB envelopes. Campaign organizers stress that every donation (usually $2-$20), returned by mail, or dropped off at a local Toronto Dominion bank, will go to fur- ther the independence of visually impaired people in this area. Snow out west, near record highs in Ont. While one or two northwestern States found themselves buried in more than a foot of snow over the weekend, temperatures in and around North Simcoe reached near record highs for this time of the year. North-Simcoe ------_ news briefs ------ - Harvest moon makes its presence felt A harvest moon, rising from the east shortly after 7:30 p.m., has made its presence felt in the night skies for the past few evenings. Top brass at HDH met last night in session Board of Huronia District Hospital met last night for a regular monthly meeting. Highlights from last night's session will appear in Friday's papers. Camera Club year starts on Oct. 7 The Midland and District Camera Club begins its 1985-86 year on Oct. 7. The club year will end with a big event. The club will be the host for the annual Georgian Bay Association of Camera Clubs Regional Competition next April. Again this year the Midland and District Camera Club is meeting in the Wye Marsh Wildlite Centre. Since the Wye Marsh Centre is now in need of income to stay open, the club is con- sidering money making projects. Accordingly George Garraway is donating a print of his award winning photograph of blue jays for a raffle. The Midland and District Camera Club meets on the first Monday and third Wednesday of each month, except December. Meetings begin at 7:30 p.m. An exception is the first meeting, Oct. 7: a wine and cheese party will precede a presentation by Bob Murray of Scotland, Around the West Coast of Scotland. Nov. 12 is election day right across Ontario Voters will be going to the polls on Tuesday, Nov. 12, to elect new municipal councils, water and light commissioners and school board trustees. SCBE okays buying propane powered vans Four propane powered vans are to be purchased by Simcoe County Board of Eduction in the amount of $52,417. 60 from Blue Mountain Chrysler of Collingwood. Meanwhile, board members have approved the complete removal and replacement of the brickwork at Barrie Eastview Secondary School. Full semestering for ESPSS receives SCBE green light Simcoe County Board of Education trustees have given approval to the administration of ESPSS to proceed in planning the introduction of full semestering at the Penetanguishene high school for September of '86. Operating expenditures As of the end of August, Simcoe County Board of Education had spent $87,450,763 of its $146,481,800 budget. Tuesday, October 1, 1985, Page 7