: wet} ites THE -- ¥; 8 Stratford | Musical Festival May 6th to 15th | The Event You Have Been Looking Forward to With Pleasure Your attendance will not only give you per- " Marlus Russo and Tom Byrne are the only southpaws on the ~ mound staff of the Yanks this spring. PASSENGERS on Trans-Can- ~ paper and the passengers would ada Air Lines planes drink be more comfortable." their coffee out of light-weight Jack Reid, Supervisory of a worthy educational project. paper cups and in a year the Commissary for T. C. A., found ' T. C. A. uses 600,000 of them. the answer. He devised a gad- With wartime restrictions on get of the plastic called lucite. paper, this is quite an item, and_ It started out as a rod such as executives of the air line de- dentists and doctors use and was cided they would have to do_ twisted to encircle the cup and something about it. So that the make a handle. cup of coffee wouldn't be too When they are used, the cups hot to hold, the practice has are thrown away, but the han- been to give each passenger two dles are kept for the next time. cups, one inside the other, pro- Mr. MacLaren estimates that at sonal enjoyment but help to sustain - THE STRATFORD MIR By Max Eastman The boys say Victory Bends "wiil Author of "Enjoyment of Laughter" | be so nice to come home to.;" . --From Reader's Digest THEATRE A joke is not a thing but a process, VI | R = O ia? mind. You start him off toward a BRILLIANTLY TEAMED FOR THE FIRST plausible goal, and then by.a sudden S PO RTS TIME IN A STRANGE AND BEAUTIFUL twist you land him nowwhere at all--- TALE, ABLY PRODUCED BY M-G-M! or just where he didn't expect to go. I didn't have a nickel in my pocket-- | daytime. He figures that because he now I have a nickel in my pocket." | fights at night he should train at ((Groucho Marx). night. That is one of the briefest jokes I Greer 'parts of which all jokes are compos-|age the Newark club, has been a G ARSON ed; the dispatch and wreckage of a| Yankee chain manager a dozen years. Bag' train of thought. io James Hilton's Joe Penner is wandering around} Oscar Melillo, former Cleveland he is. He meets a pretty girl who| plane plant. Nn OM says: ~ "I don't know who I am either--I ANNE ig was left on a doorstep." oinecreo sy with Then there is the story about the ' ERS professor who dreamed he was lectur- The four men who made up the PHILIP DORN SUSAN PET ing to his class, and woke up to find|prake university's famous two-mile HENRY TRAVERS - REGINALD OWEN ly O that it was true. relay team of 1941 have gone to war. BRAMWELL FLETCHER days 'absence was met by his little} The Jockey Club is celebrating its - A Mervyn LeRoy "Papa, there's been a bogeyman in| men are its members. Mamma's bedroom." "Oh, Johnnie, don't talk nonsense Racing at Hamilton, O, this year You know there's n o such thing as a | will cover 19 days, from July 3 to 24. WHAT WE LAUGH AT and WHY! , a trick you play on the listener's "When I first came to this country Jake La Motta doesn't train in the wv Ronald can think of, yet it shows the two Bill Meyer, who again will man- with amnesia, trying to find:out who | coach, is a riveter in a Chicago air- "Maybe you're a bottle of milk." meRvYN LEROY --'ONFY FRANKLIN A man returning home after a few boy: 50th year. Fifty prominent sports- Production _ bogeyman." Season Ticket $2.50 Covers All Sessions Admission: Daytime--25c and 10c Evening --45c and 20c viding a double thickness of least 200,000 cups a year will be "Yes, there is too," Johnnie says. Both St. Louis managers, Billy i : saved. : "And what's more, he's up there hid-| Southworth of the Cards and Luke oe is ie anges hand oe re Could only have _In the photograph, he is seen ing in the closet right now!" Sewell of the Browns, started in i a "Dear, oh, dear," said the henpeck-| "Were you with her at the time?" andles on our cups," said D. R. showing the device to Miss So the man goes upstairs, a little | Cleveland. ed man: "My poor wife had a terrible experience last night. A man came up in the street and started hitting her and pushing her all over the place till she was black and blue." asked a friend. "Oh, yes," he said, "I was there." "And you didn't interfere?" I couldn't." "Why not?" "Well, I was filling my pipe!" Stratford Lions 1° Club JAMBOREE FRIDAY, MAY 14th. TICKETS ON THE 6 GRAND PRIZES are now on sale. $1,000.00 canava' WarBond Tickets, 5Q¢ Each or 3 for $1.00 | FIVE on ONE TICKET 25c¢ Each or 5 for $1.00 for these prizes: General Electric Refrigerator (Val. $239) , (Co-operation Avon Electric Co.) Bedroom Suite (Val. $125) (Co-operation Stratford Chair Co.) Vacation Trip (Val. $75) C.C.M. Man's Bicycle (Val. $42.50) Livingroom Chair (Val. $35) (Co-operation Kroehler Mtg. Co., Ltd.) 4 HELP THE LIONS CLUB HELP THE CHILDREN Proceeds to Lions Swimming Pool and Swimming Instruction @ for Children--Eyeglasses for needy children. MacLaren, Supervisor of Pas- senger Service, "one cup would be enough at a time. We'd save Margaret Dickson, Chief Super- visory Stewardess for Trans- Canada. Shop Browsing Not Patriotic Effort Browsing around the shops as in days of old is just not done this year. During wartime there is not time to do this. The person who is not en- gaged in war work must do her shop- ping quickly and efficiently so that those whose time is at a premium can make their purchases. Nowadays the idea is to save time, save money, and lastly save disappointment. Before going shopping it is the wise woman who knows exactly what she wants. She buys with care, avoids panic buying, and never purchases an article because it is a "bargain" no matter how much it tempts her. She usuaily knows the sales people in the different stores and goes back to them each time. Often through them money may be saved, because they take more interest in an "old customer." Some stores offer special sales at the beginning of the month. When taking advantage of these sales, Mrs. Wise Shopper shops early She gets a better selection and what is more, the clerks are likely to give better sery- ice in the earlier hours of the day. It's better to break one's heart than to do nothing with it--Mr. Kennedy in Random House. Those Old Shoes May last a long time after we have repaired them. We repair Rubbers and put on good Rubber Heels. GEO. WELCH SHOE REPAIR 146 St. Patrick Tel. 1998w ee --2 12 Miles of "Pigtails" Make Rail Carload EDMONTON, Alta., May 7--An un- usual shipment of edibles recently left over the Canadian National Railways for Mobile, Alabama, a refrigerator car being loaded with pickled pork tails. The consignment weighed 74,- 570 pounds and was packed in one of the newest types of Canadian Nation- al "reefers," guaranteeing the arrival of the meat at destination in prime condition. Prepared pork tails aver- age five inches in length and approxi- mately half a pound in weight, accord- ing to packing house experts. On this basis, the carload of "pigtails" would extend twelve miles if placed curl to curl. J. L. Townshend, general super- visor of perishable traffic for the Na- tional Railways, said that in his twen- ty-five years of service the occasion was the first in which he had ever seen pickled pork tails travelling in a carload lot. Canadian National Railways loco- motives travelled 90 million miles last year, almost the distance from the earth to the sun. Six Years Pass; They Meet Again Here's one for those who like to fig- ure out the law of probabiliites. In 1937, the Canadian National Railways received from a shop in Hastern Ca- nada a series of new box cars. Two of them were recently spotted at a war industry plant near Winnipeg. One was No. 471901, the other was No. 471902. One came from Welland, Ont, loaded with pierite; the other from Vancouver with pulp. It will require some nice figuring to calculate when the twain will meet again, or, indeed, to figure the possibiliites of consecu- tive numbers arriving at any one sid- ing in Canada. Fifty-five cents a day pays for a $100 Victory Bond in six months. _ ¥ anxiously, and opens the closet door. Sure enough, there is his good friend Sam from Czecho-Slovakia. "Why, Sam," he cries, almost burst- ing into tears. "How could you do this to me? Didn't I furnish your passage from Europe? Didn't I rescue. you from the clutches of Adolf Hitler? And now you repay me by hiding in 'the closet and scaring my little boy!" You laugh at this because your ex- 'pectations were tense and dramatic, and their collapse is complete. The joke is on you. All jokes--no matter ~whom else they are on--are on the person who laughs, A schoolboy was told to define a marsupial. "A marsupial," he wrote "is an animal with a pouch in the middle of his stomach into which he can retire when he is hard pressed." Here again--with all due respect-- the joke is on you. A series of words . 'which you think are going to get somewhere pile up in a wreckage of nonsense. The sense of humor is also a kind of playtime shock absorber--and in- stinctive tendency to laugh at experi- ences which would be painful if you didn't laugh. In the ninth grade English class the teacher was discussing etiquette. When she finished, she asked Bobby how he would ask a girl to dance. Bobby replied -- "Come on, worm, let's wiggle!" PAIN Relieved by Telephone Many persons can vouch that their pains left them instantly when treated over the tele- Phone by Hollefreund, the Psychic Healer. This extra service is given to all patients who are taking contact treat- ments. Try it yourself and be convinced. Phone 374M, Holle- freund the Healer. in the office of the Maitland Photo Studio, 31 Waterloo St. famous miler, has fourteen seas- Gene Venzke, quit the track after ons in the headlines. Mildred Burke is generally accept- ed as the world's champion woman wrestler. Red' Ruffirg, Yankee pitching star is a physical instructor of a Ferry Command at Long Beach, Cal. When Al Nettlow met Sugar Rob- inson he was on the short end of 10-1 odds. Great Lakes. basketball earned $15,000 for the welfare fund the past season. G. & E. A Little Friendship Gift of jewelery is always appreciated by your friend, but whether it be that or a wedding gift this store's stock is always attractive. GILLIES & Diamonds Watches EMM Jewelery are 23 DOWNIE ST. SATURDAY--10 a.m. For school children who brought 2 Ibs, of fat renderings to their school Friday--To children who didn't bring fat to school--bring to either AVON or CLASSIC THEATRES SATURDAY MORNING SPECIAL SHOW AT EACH THEATRE SAVE FAT AND 'BACK THE ATTACK' MAY 8 An Irish soldier on duty in Egypt received a letter from his wife saying that because of the war yshe would have to dig the garden herself. "Brid- get, please don't dig the garden," wrote Pat, "That's where the guns " The letter was duly censored, and in a short time soldiers came and dug the garden from end to end. Bridget, worried over the incident, wrote to Pat asking what she should do. Pat's reply was short and to the point: "Put in the spuds" For Corns and Callouses SOLD AT ALL JOHNSTON'S G DOES THE TRICK AND DOES IT QUICK! DRUG STORES Get a box today at the low price of 25 cents