a ie 4 a RED TAPE EXPERT An East Indian Clerk Who Stumped an English Official. BEAT HIM AT HIS OWN GAME. 3 tn the Fine Art of Circumlocution Babu Tara Chand Made His. Pretentious _ Auditor General Appear Like a Rank Amateur--A True Story. _ Dbe government offices in Whitehall mre supposed to use "red tape' pretty - 'freely, but the supply in London is mothing to what it isin India, Let ms outline briefly the true history of 'Babu Tara Chand, late of the subordi- mate branch of the Indian civil serv- 'fice. The story is true. Babu Tara Chand was a deputy sub- assistant clerk in the cutcherry of a deputy collector in the Swankibagh district of southern Bengal. The in- Jand postage rate in India at that period was three. pies, or about 1 farthing, for letters weighing one tola. One fine day when the officials had concluded the annual or biennial over- haul of the books of the cutcherry it was discovered that by some un- heard of turpitude one stamp of the - value of three pies (1 farthing) had been unaccounted for. The stamp could be clearly traced to the desk und control of Babu Tara Chand. 'Thence it had disappeared. Babu Tara Chand was not summa- rily dismissed; neither was he made the target of a criminal prosecution. In- stead he received a lengthy letter on blue foolscap paper, pointing out in detail how certain property of her most gracious majesty the queen em- press--to wit, one Indian postage stamp of the value of three ples~had been 'committed to his care on a certain date and that up to the date of writ- ing no adequate explanation had been forthcoming of said postage stamp. The communication fell upon the luckless Tara Chand like a bolt from jthe blue. It left but three courses 'open to bim--viz: (a) Resign from the service. (b) Explain the disappearance of the 'farthing postage stamp in a manner \deemed satisfactory by the auditor. (c) Recoup the farthing. Of these three courses it will be 'obvious to any person with the shal- 'lowest knowledge of the Bengali char- iacter that the third one (c) was from 'the outset beyond the pale of con- sideration. The first (a) was also too terrible to contemplate. Therefore 'Babu Tara Chand sat down and com- posed a letter which was a masterpiece in its way and in which he requested ito be relieved from routine service for a period of four weeks to enable him 'to make such a search among the rec- ords of the department, etc., as might enable him to trace the missing stamp. This reasonable request was readily granted. Four weeks later Babn Tara Chand applied for a further term of two weeks wherein to draw up a report upon the results of his investigations in pursuit of the errant postage stamp. This, having passed through the eight- een or nineteen different hands neces- sary for such an application, was in turn duly granted, and at the end of the fortnight Tara Chand submitted a report of 216 foolscap pages, explain- ing that, despite the most diligent ef- forts and inquiries on his part, he bad been unable to secure the slightest clew to the cause of the deficiency. When the department of audits and accounts had fully digested this docu- ment and presented a report of the same in official precis to the auditor general the auditor general. through the secretary of the assistant auditor 'general of the presidency of Bengal notified Babu Tara Chand that it was not wholly satisfactory and that the circumstances bearing upou the loss of the stamp would have to be definitely explained and proved or the deficit of three pies would have to be made good. Babu Tara Chand stuck to his guns 'and wrote again. He wrote many times. As often as he wrote his ex- planations the auditor general wrote signifying his official dissatisfaction "with the same. Eventually, one fine day about nine lmontbs subsequent to the discovery of. ithe loss and some two years subse- 'quent to its alleged perpetration, the 'auditor geveral~his interest in the 'matter of a farthing postage stamp be- 'ing overwhelmed in a frontier war \budget--sent an ultimatum to Tara 'Chand. The loss of the postage stamp 'would have to be definitely explained 'or its value, the sum of three pies, be 'duly refunded to the' treasurer of the 'Swankigabb district. Then bu Tara Chand became pos- sessed of an inspiration which even 'to this day 1s pointed to with pride 'and complacency by even the most cir- 'cumlocutory of the red taupe depart- 'ments within the purview of the gov- 'ernment of India, | Babu Tara Chand wrote to the audi- 'tor general as follows: Sir--ln reply to your memo. of 7th inst. 'I have the honor to state terrible confla- abe of my cook house on 5th ipst., pélessly annihilating all documents in the case of lost postage stamp of three pies, property of her most gracious maj- esty the queen empress. Therefore by grace of God and under regulation para. 18,49, section cxxxi, of departmental reg- ulations, volume 87 (Hengal), | request you forward for my information complete copies of entire file of correspondence in this case, so that 1 can report again upon fame to your satisfaction. | have the ones to be, sir, your most obedient, num- © servant, - TARA CHAND, Deputy Subassistant Clerk to the Deputy _ Collector, Swankibagn. | The pees general never replied. Tara Chand had won his ease.--Lon- don Tit-Hits. s The Test of Greatness. When Elliston went from London to" his own theater at Birmingham he was known to searcely a member of his own company, On reprimanding one of them sharply the irate actor threatened to kick him off the stage. He rushed to the stage manager and asked who that man was. "Mr, A.," sald the manager. " "A Great man, a very great man," said Elliston. - "He threatened to kick me, the lessee of Drury Lane. Such a man as that must go to London. He mustn't waste bis energies here." And he engaged the actor on the spot for Drury Lane. A PUZZLING PINE. Peculiar Tree 'That ls Something of a . Mystery.to Botanists. -- Upper California is the home of a tree that: has puzzled botanists. It is a pine which will grow only near the seacoast. Its growth is slow, and it does not attain to great size. The strange thing about it is that there are, to all appearances, insur- | mountable difficulties in the way of | the perpetuation of the species. Some specimens of it exist in Kew gardens, in London. They have been carefully examined by competent authorities, and all admit that the tree presents a problem .unlike anything elsewhere met with. This pine produces at regular inter- vals the usual cones containing seeds; but, strange to say, the cones are sd thoroughly protected that the seeds cannot be released. The cones are hard and tightly closed and have strong overlapping scales. More extraordinary still is the fact that the pine, after producing fts al- most invulnerable cones, keeps them hanging on its branches year after year. Unless through some pecultar accident the seeds would apparently remain attached to the parent tree for- ever. Many of the cones on the trees in Kew gardens have been there for years, as is shown by the size of the branches and the formation of the bark. It has been found that the seed ves- sels which this tree so powerfully re- tain are so well protected that it re quires a strong knife with the assist- ance of a heavy hammer to cut the cone into sections. No ordinary con- ditions of temperature can make a cone open. The following is the only explana- tion yet offered that seems to have any degree of plausibility: The species may be perpetuated by fire, One who has studied the tree asserts that noth- ing but the intense heat of a forest fire could compel the cones to release their seeds. It has been found that under the influence of intense heat they crack open and the seeds fali out uninjured. TURKISH RED TAPE. Getting the Kinks Out of a Custom House Tangle. In the far east ruies and restrictions may be made to yield to influence with a latent force behind it, as instanced by this serio-comic incident found in Captain A. B. Townshend's book, Military Consul! In Turkey." A certain highly influential foreigner at Adrian- ople wanted a Christmas tree and or- dered one from Sofia to come by train, but when the tree, an unpretentious little fir about ten feet high, arrived at Adrianople station some one discov: ered that it was illegal to receive "plants" from abroad. "Yasak" (it is forbidden), said the custom house. "Yasak,"' echoed the sentry on duty. The foreigner said whatever was the equivalent to "rubbish" and de- manded the tree. Here was a nice quandary for the authorities. Evidently it was a most fearful thing to receive a tree from abroad, and yet the consignee: was capable of getting some one into very serious trouble if be did not get his tree, and he said he must have it with- in forty-eight bours. Some one at the custom house soared above the difficulty. The tree was sent on to Stamboul on the Orient express an eight hours' journey. It came back to Adrianople by the next train, and the person for whom it was intended received a notice that "a tree from Constantinople" had arrived for him and would at once be handed over to his messenger. So the wretched little Bulgarian tree had become a Turkish one, brought from Constantinople, and by~ that means it satisfied officiaidom and sery- ed its purpose in the end. Gladiators. The gladiators were originally male. factors who fought for their lives or captives who fought for freedom. They were first exhibited at the funeral cere- monies of the Romans, 263 B. C., and afterward at festivals about 215 B. C. When Dacia was reduced by Trojan 1,000 gladiators fought at Rome for 123 days in celebration of his triumph. It is said that in the triumphs of Pompey the Great 10,000 fought through a series of many days.. These combats were suppressed in the east by the Emperor Constantine about A. D, 325 and in the west by Theodoric in A, D, 500. Her Protection, "Why don't you marry, too?" he asked her, apropos of the marrlage of her friend, "I can't," she answered, cOmmitting bigamy. vorce yet, you know. It's probably a good thing, a great protection. I might have married some good for nothing again if 1 bad had it. | am so unfor- tunate in my selections." "True," he said. "You might have married me." "without I haven't my di- Works Like a Charm. flanson--Wonder how it is that the Jugginsons get along so harmoniously. They never bave any quarrels, appar ently. Burt-The reason is simple enough. Jugginson always lets Mrs J. have the last word, and sbe neve: tries to prevent him from having his own way.--Boston Transeript. Chance For Heroism. Adorer (anxiouslyy--What did your father say? Sweet Girl--Ob, he got so angry I was afraid to stay and lis: ten. He's in a perfectly terrible rage eo in and appease him. ee eee = eam Disappointing. Bill--Did you say bis tirst song was Gisappointing? Jilli--Yes, Be sang "I Am Going Far Away, Far Away to Leave You ReeGd and he didn't go, ee Genius. Gevins ts in advance. Tt addresses posterity. Is it to be wondered at, then, that it is mostly intelligible to posterity only ?~London Truth, - LLL Cte, > t Among Men some have virtues con- cealed by wealth and some tet Vices by_poverty,--Theganis, , eee AFRAID OF MOONLIGHT. The Reason Porte Ricans Carry Um- brellas at Night. "The majority of Porto Ricans wee instilled in them from earliest infancy - a superstitious dread of the full moon's rays," said a business man who has just returned from that country. : "It is a curious sight to the American visitor to note men and women going 'along the streets and highways of the island with umbrellas raised over their heads in the lone watches of the night, and the more brilliantly the moon is shining the greater will be the number of people who are thus protecting themselves from her beams. Out in the sequestered rural districts a gay mounted cavalier will be met at mid- night, his bridle rein in one hand' and an upraised umbrella in the other. It looks weird and also ridiculous, but the natives do it for a peculiar reason. They are possessed of the conviction that Luna's full light striking upon mortals is almost sure to make them mentally unsound--that is to say, lu- natics--and that is why they interpose a shield between them and her dazzling brightness. "To sleep where the moon could shine full upon one is, in the view of a Porto Rican, to tempt fate, and it would be a daring one who could be hired to do it for any consideration." STRENUOUS LIVING. A Long Day In the Life of an English Lady tn 1791, As for industrious idleness, which is held to blame for the wrecking of our hervous systems, it was not unknown to an earlier generation. Mme. le Brun assures us that in her youth pleasure loving people would leave Brussels early in the morning, travel all day to Paris to hear the opera and travel ali night home. "That," she observes--as well she may--"was con- sidered being fond of the opera." A paragraph in one of Horace Wal- pole's letters gives us the record of a day and a night in the life of an English lady--sixteen bours of "strain" which would put New York to the blush. "IL heard the Duehess of Gor- don's journal of last Monday." he writes to Miss Berry in the spring of 1791. "She first went to hear Handel's music in the abbey; she then ¢lamber- ed over the benches and went to Hast- "A bly, after that to Ranelagh and return- ing's trial in the hall, after dinner to ; the play, then to Lady Lucan's assem- | ball ed to Mrs. Hobert's faro table; gave a herself in the evening of that morning, into which she must have got | a good way, and set out for Scotland the next day. Hercules could not have accomplished a quarter of her labors in the same space of time." A Pretty Poor Portrait. A Chinaman of very high rank had his portrait painted, and when it was finished the painter requested him to loquire of the passersby what they thonght of it. The other agreed and asked the first comer: "Do you think this portrait like?' "The hat is extremely like," replied the critic. The subject of the portrait asked a similar question of a second stranger, who answered that the clothes seemed to be exactly reproduced. about to interrogate a third when the painter stopped him and said impa- tiently: "Fhe resemblance of the clothes is of no importance. gentleman what he thinks of the face." On being asked this question the stranger hesitated a very long time, but at last he replied: "The beard and. bair are first rate." bat London as It Was. Haydn's "Dictionary of Dates" of the city of Londov Lynden. or Liyndin, on the lake." An old tradition gives us to understand that London was founded by Brute, a descendant of Aeness, and called New Troy or Troy- novant until the time of Lud, who sur- rounded the town with walls and named it Caer-Lud, or Lud's Town. This latter is probably the correct ver- sion of the story, if for no other rea- aon because it is an easy matter to de- sect a similarity between. the expres sion Lud's Town and London. It is claimed by some writers that there was a citiy op the same spot 1,107 years B. C., and it is known that the Romans founded a city there called Londinium A. D, 61, was Real Modesty. "An actor should be modest,. and most actors are," said a prominent one at a luncheon in Pittsburg. "But I know a young actor who at the be ginning of his career carried modesty almost too far, "This young man inserted tp all the dramatic papers a want advertisement that said: ""Engagement wanted--small part, wuch as dead body or outside shouts preferred.' "' Preferences. "IT think I'll spend my vacation on the lynx," said the first fea. "I'm fond of goit." "Fhe giraffe for mine," declared the second flea, "lk need the highest alti- tude 1 can find." Sensible. Mrs. X.--The flat above us is unoccu- pied right pow. Why don't you come aud live there?) Mrs. Y.-Ob, my dear, we've been sueb good friends, and I bate to start quarreling with you!-- Rxchauge, A Rod In Pickle. Mrs. Goodsole-Wby, Jobnny, are you just going home now? Your moth- er's been looking for you all afternoon. Johnny--Yes'm, I know. Mrs. Good- sole--Just think how worried she must be! Johnny--Oh, she's near the end @ ber WORST HUH. I'm jest beginning -- Proof "How a6 you know she's ofder than you are?" "Why, sbe admitted it herself. she said 'You and I are just the*same age, He was} and | Ask this | | you owe makes the statement that the old name | a O98: SUE: The hapen 5. | admitted-into thes written | meaning "the city | deurie.'". Pf) FIRES THAT ARE ASLEEP. A Great Range of Volcanoes In the Heart of Africa. It is not very generally known that right in the heart of Africa at the southern end of Lake Albert Edward is a great range of volcanoes. They are eight in number, and, though it is true that, unlike Rukenzor, they carry no permanent snow, the highest peak is over 14,000 feet in height. These volcanoes are particularly interesting on account of their comparative new- hess. Running through the middle of Africa there is a trench many hundred miles long, in which lie the great lakes Albert, Albert Edward, Kivu and Tan- ganyika. . Not very many thousands of years ago the volcanoes, generally called Mfumbiro, burst up through the mid- die of this trench and made a dam across it, with the result that some of the water which formerly flowed into Lake Albert Edward and so into the Nile was cut off and a lake was form- ed behind the dam. As times went on the waters in the lake which is now called Kiyu rose higher and higher until, not being able to flow over the barrier of the volcanoes, they formed the Rusisi river, which runs the other way into Tanganyika, about a hundred miles distant. Of the eight volcanoes only two show signs of activity at the present time in the form of thin wisps of steam which may occasionally be Seen, but a vasi plain of lava. with a wide black stream curling through tis midst, showed Where a formidable eruption had taken place only two or three years before our visit. . There are hot springs scattered here and there, and we felt slight shocks of earthquakes once or twice, so it is not safe to say that the Mfumbiro volca- noes are extinct.--Wide World Maga- zine. A RUNAWAY HORSE. Impossible For Him to Take the Bit Between His Teeth. The runaway horse in story books, as in most of the veracious and detail- ed accounts given in the daily press, invariably "takes the bit between his teeth" as a preliminary measure. It would be interesting to know bow he does this. He obviously cannot get it between his molar teeth igrinders) un- less both bis cheeks are slit up from the corners of his mouth, and if the cheek straps be the right length it is equally impossible for him to get it down to the level of bis incisors (nip- pers), and there are no teeth in be- tween! Thus perishes another hoary headed superstition! What does happen is that through steady, unremitting tension on the reins the bars of his mouth become numbed and impervious to pain. This enables him to set his jaw firmly, put the whole weight of his bead on the bit and successfully resist anything short of one horsepower at the other end of the reins. This is the reason why when run away with one should | hever try to recover control by steady | pulling, sharp pulls with intervals of complete | but should always use short, relaxation between them. Although it is always advisable to drive a new horse, temporarily at least, factorily in it, it is never safe to as- Sume that it is the best possible one | him. .This assumption, which is | for general, is responsible for much tron- ble that might be obviated. prising ical a change of bit may- be made, only with impunity, but with advan- tage, if only the change be in the right direction:--Outing Magazine. How to Enter the Office. Advance to the inner door and give three raps. The devil will attend to the alaym.* You will give your name, postoffice address and number of years . You will. be Sanctum and will ad- vance to the center of the room, where you will address tbe editor with the following counteryign: Hold the right hand about two feet from the body, with the thumb and fingers clasping a ten dollar bill, which 'you will drop into the editor's band, saying, "Were you waiting for me?' The editor will grasp your hand and the bill, pressing it, and will say, "You bet!'"--Tbayer (Mo.) District. An- Invitation. A good story is told of an elder in an English church who on one occasion had to take the pulpit in the absence of the minister at the last moment. He got through the first part of tbe serv- ice all right. but on getting up to give the sermon be found his difficulty then. He started with, "Brethren (pause) b-b-brethren 4pause)--b-b-b- brethren, if any of you wants the conceit taken out of you come up here." A Change. "We must eocuessine™ he sald 'pet- emptorily. "lm so glad!" his wife exclaimed. "You take the announcement more good paturedly than usual." ' "Yes; It's pleasant to bear you use the plural pronoun. Ordinarily when there js any economizing needed you expect me to ds it all." His Method. The little girl who was visiting at a neighbor's house had gone out to look at the horses. "BHere's one of them," she said, "that has watery eyes and coughs and hangs his bead just the way papa's horse did last summer," P "What did your papa do for his horse?" asked the owner of the ant: mals. "He sold him," was the innocent an- swer. Rules For Dress. Dress yourself fine where others are fine and plain where otbers are plain, but take care tbat your clothes are well made and fit you, for otherwise they will give you a very uwkward air.--Lord Chesterfield. The Object of Dispute. "Were you a bull or a bear when you went into Wali street?" "Neither. 1 was ove of the fellows they were both after."--Exchange. Our generosity should never exeeed our abilities.--Cicerg, F "LAWYERS IN GERMANY. They Cannot Advertise, and Their Fees 3 Are Fixed by Law. The German law fixes the exgct fees which a German attorney has to claim for all kinds of professional work, and the rechtsanwalt can charge neither 'More nor less. These fees apply to all matters of the civil code and of criminal cases. The amount, according to the Green Bag, depends exclusively on the value of the object of contention. It is an old though still unfulfilled wish of German lawyers to have a new fixed list of fees, not made after the old and low standard of the year 1879, but made with consideration to the changes--the numerous decided changes--ywhich have taken place since that year. The rechtsanwalt is attorney and counselor at law all in one (in England solicitor and barrister). The rechtsan- walt can never be a business man, as is the case in the United States. The exercise of the law is not to be considered a calling of profession, but is to be looked on more as a public office. According to the lawyers' code of the Ist of July, 1878, a lawyer is charged publicly with certain duties. He is obliged to have his residence in the town or district where he is ap- pointed (so called residence duty). Further, be must conduct himself in and out of office in a way hefitting his professional and social standing--i. e., duty due to bis rank. Thus a lawyer is forbidden to advertise in newspa- pers, by canvassing, etc., or to buy or take over a practice already made as being unworthy of his calling. His position in society is between officials and scholars, and through cus- tom and law he is compelled to keep the position to the last degree. This compulsion to keep one's rank bas given rise to the existence of com- mittees called anwaltskammern, whose duty it is to keep a strict watch that no lawyer dishonors his calling. These committees have a strict code of pun- ishment, ranging to complete expul- sion from office. In this way the law- ored position. In fact, there is scarcely a country in which the lawyer enjoys more respect and confidence, TASMANIA. Nicknames Applied to the One Time Convict Settlement. "Tasmania is, perhaps the most inter- esting of the states of our common- wealth," remarked the Australian. "It is a large triangular island lying to the south of. Melbourne and was once a convict settlement. "The climate is delightful and the soil remarkably fertile. practically one large orchard, where | peaches, apples, cherries, etc., the adjoining continent supplied, with some left over for export to England. sleep a fot.' | country' It is sur- | to note how complete and rad- | not | | } in Corinth. As fruit trees do not require tending, leisure is a notable ¢haracter- | istic of the inhabitants, ; is known throughout the antipodes as 'the land of lots of time' or 'the land of and of the presence of an enormous efin- nery in the island, where some of the | orchard products are converted into jams, jellies aud preserved fruits. "But this by no means ends the list | Two Dutch | of Tasmanian nicknames. expiorers--Tasman and Van Dieman-- had to do with the discovery of the island, and, although the name of Tas- mun is now used, it is often referred to in old schoo! books as Van Dieman's Land. We fiud Manians 'demons,' as they-are the mildest and best fel- lows in the world: They speak of themseives as "Tasies,' be aecepted as their unofficial designa- ' tion." | ROMANCE OF ARCHITECTURE. | Origin of the Graceful Corinthian Style of Capital. In the winter a young giri bad died Some time afterward ber maid gathered together various trin- kets and playthings whicb the girl bad loved and brought them to the girl's graye. There she placed them in a basket near the monument and put a large square tile upon the basket to prevent the wind from overturning it. It happened that under the basket was a root of an acanthus plant. When spring came the acanthus sprouted, but its shoots were not able to pierce the basket, and accordingly they grew around it, having the basket in their midst. Such of the long leaves as grew up against the four protruding corners of the tile on the top of the: basket curled round under these cor- ners and formed pretty volutes. Kallimachos, tbe sculptor, walking that way one day, saw this and im- mediately conceived the notion that the form of the basket with the plaque on top of it and surrounded by the leaves and stalks of acanthus would be a comely beading for columns in architecture. He from this idea formed the beautiful Corinthian style of capi tat. Such, at least, is the story as the architect Vitruvius told it 1,900 years ago. Stringent French Customs. Tourists must not fail to note the stringency of the French customs as to the smoking materials they may in- nocently bring with them. A corre. spondent is reminded of a signifiernt little seene on the Dieppe landing stage. An English holiday maker who had come down to meet a friend arriv- ing by the boat found himself without a light for his pipe and sang out to a friend on board, "Got a match?" The latter was just about to throw' his matchbox across the intervening yard or two of water when the man on the stage suddenly remembered and added with hasty pantomime, "No; wait till presently!" And bystanding passen- gers had to explain to the astonished neweomer that if the box had been thrown under the eyes of the customs officers every mateh in { ht have had to pay a pagan Chresere He that riseth late must trot all day and shall scarce overtake bis huginess at night.--Wrapklin, | ee oe yers in Germany have a good and hon-. The island is | are | grown in sdafficient quantities to keep | much. and Tasmania {| It is also called 'the jam | its natives familiarly | | termed 'jam eaters.' This is on account | with the bit to which be has been ac: | customed, provided that he goes satis- | it amusing to twist} the latter name a bit and call the Tas- | which is a shame, } and that may |} THE CAMERA c OBSCURA. Frem it Was Evolved Ov Our Modern Pho- tographic Apparatus. The camera was invented by an Ital- jan named Baptista Porta, though it was not at first used for photograph- ing. It was in reality merely a dark room, into which the light was admit- ted through a little round hole in one side. The rays of light coming from objects outside of this room entered ft through this aperture and made a pic- ture on the other side of the room glowing in all the beauty and color of nature itself, but rather indistinct and upside down. "This dark room was contrived by Porta about the middle of the sixteenth century. He improved it later by placing a glass lens in the aperture and outside a mirror which received the rays of light and reflected them through the lens so that the image upon the opposite wall within was made much. brighter, more distinct and in a natural or erect position. This was really the first camera obscura, ap invention which is enjoyed to the pres- ent day. Now our modern photographie cam- era is merely a small camera obseura in its simplest form, carrying a lens at one end and a ground glass screen at the other. It is, however, often much more complicated in its construction. _A WOMAN'S HAT. There's a Large Pot of Trouble Brew- ing For One Milliner. Mr. Standish was mad when he went into the millinery establishment, and | the longer he stayed the madder he got. Presently be walked over to @& stunning black creation' that hung on a peg near the window and said: "This is the hat I want to see you about." The proprietor came forward. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "You can fix this hat over the way my wife asked you to," said Standish | explesively. 'She wants the feather put on the other side, that bow moved to the front, and she wants the rim to bulge a little more over the tem , ples." Seeing a guilty tlush creep over tho proprietor's face, Standish went on with increased heat: "She says you have refused to make any alterations on the ground: that a | Stitch added to or subtracted from the hat is bound to ruin it, but I tell you: that's all nonsense. My wife knows how she wants her hat to look, and if she can't stand up for her rights I'll do it for her. She is coming around this afternoon to try the bat on again. If it isn't ready by that time there will be no end of a row." j The proprietor twirled the black hat_ | on his forefinger and looked from it to the head saleswoman lugubriously, "T remember," he said, 'that the lady | | who ordered that hat did bring it back | | yesterday to be remodeled. Perhaps it | will be possible to make the altera- | tions suggested after all." The manager's humility made Stand- ish feel very proud of himself, | "That's the only way to deal with those fellows," he said when he left | the shop. "You've got to meet them on their own level. It takes a man to do | | that. No wonder women get cheated | out of their very eyeteeth. They ; baven't got sand enough to say tha | things that have to be said to secure | | their rights." Throughout the day Standish con- | tinued to revel in seif congratulations, | and he actually went home half an hour ahead of time-to see if his wife's hat had. been metamorphosed into: the thing of beauty he had suggested. "Well," said he jubilantly, "was the hat all right?' "All right?' said Mrs. Standish, | "They hadn't even touched ftt.. How) ; Could you expect it to be all right when you didn't stop in to see about it?' "But I did-stop," protested Standish. "I saw everybody about the place and | laid the whole establishment' out in | great shape. Here's their card to prove I was there. I picked it up as I was | passing out." Mrs, Standish took up the card and | read the name aloud. "Q-o-o-h!" she cried. "Is that where | you. went? Why, you got into the wrong place, What on earth will that manager, think? He must think you are crazy." "I dou't care if he does," said Stand- | ish limply, "but | would like to know | what the owner of that black hat will | Say when she sees it made over ac-- cording to my directions." . _--_ Economical. \ A good story is related of an ng- lish theatrical manager who by thrift and bard work had amassed a fortune, Previous to the production of one play the stage carpenters had to repair a (rap, and the head carpenter went to the manager and informed him that ig | could not be done in the dark. "Well, lad, thee won't bave t' gas," answered the manager. "Here, tak' this and buy a candle." And he banded tim a halfpenny. 'he' carpenter pleaded that. they wanted two in order to get sutlicient light. "How long will usked the manager. "About ten minutes." was the reply, "Then eut t' candle in two," was the answer, "Thee won't have any more money," t. job tak' thee? enact Physiognomy. It is impossible to say. just when physiognomy began to be a "selence.'"? It is said that the celebrated Pythug- oras founded the science about B. G. 540. It is spoken o£ by. Hippocrates about B. C..450. but he dues not at- tempt to go into the discussion of its origin. The first systematic treatise on the subject that has come down te us is that attributed to Aristetle, Throughout the sixteenth and seven- teenth centuries there were many pub- lications on physiognomy.--Exchange. The Nautical In "Glimpses of Dthel Younghu: story of a yen on board Y wee Some o Toe went WR te aot ae ES Idiem, Bast Afriea" oe eae | Dutch | day, | world to marbles as toys, | With us and always will be. Some of pot so often, it very rarely : the winter to the freezing point. & is rare, even op the us, and farmers are prac' safe from. | damage hy frest over nearly the extent of the country.--From Aagronsobn's "Agricultural and Bo cal Exploratiess In Patestine." "] don't believe that the public schools teech thelr graduates to Ugg their minds," remarked a well cage | citizen of Philadelphia the other. day. | "Eere's a story just to ihhustrate what T mean: "I got a seeretary last summer, whe had just been graduated with, high honors from the Commercial school. She had beea pl me as the best girt in ker ¢i ' found ber excettens in ql that methodical, parret-ilike work. "One day I jotted dewa some. phone numbers that I wanted to member and, having a poor nD forget in the course ef the m whose the numbers were or what ¢ business was upep which I wanted phove. "So I called Miss Blank just as I was going out and seid, 'Before you get your lumcheon I wish you'd find | out for me whose those telephone numi- bers are.' "Two hours later I came back, and Miss Blank was sitting at her desk, weary and perseveringly studying the | telephone book. "I asked ber if she had got some let- | ters written that ¥ had left, if she had lunched, if she bad dene several little things. She said ne and then ex- plained: : "*You see, it takes me a long thme to read through the book ti I come to the numbers you wasnt,' she said. 1 haven't had time to do anything else!" - Marbles, Marbles got their name from the fact that originally little bits of mar- ble were rolled down the hills and rounded and pounded by other stones | Until they beeame tays fer the chil- dren to play with. It is said that the exported them to Hugiaud. Whether they did or not makes little difference to the beys and girls of to- No matter who introduced the they are you get them frem ether children, seme of you trade pestage stamps fer therh, but some persens originally bought them from the little stere around the corner, whose owner got them from the greatest toyshap in the woerld--~ Germany. In the beginning marbles were called "bowls," and mep and wo- men played with them as well as chil- dren.--Dundee Advertiser, A Tree Cut Down by Rifle Bullets. In the sanguinary annals of the American war there was no more |; Stinguinary episode than the fight in 1864 of "the Bloody Angle at Spottsyl- Vania." "Every bush and every sap- ling that constituted the thicket there," Says Mr. G, C, Eggleston iv bis "Bis- tory of the Confederate War," "was" eul away by a stream of bullets as Grass Is before a mower's seythe. Even an oak tree nearly two feet thick was worn-in two near its base by the con- tinual and incessant streke of leaden balls until ft fll, crushing some of the © Confederates who were fighting be- , neath its branches.' Z A Nest Compal 4 That was a 'neat compliment paid by a French ambassador in Londen to a : peeress who had been talking to him fur an hour, The lady sald, "You must think } am very fond of the sound of my own | > YOice." The Frenchman replied, "y knew you iked musie." * vente aptinaacifanl SL us laa Precisely Stated. : Teacher--Pommy, What is >the fem: Intne of the mnse ulfne "stag? 'Pom. My (whose mother te a soe fety lender). --Afteruood tea, tiaam, Seemann Ne eh ee By the fatthtnut plying of the shut: the ef Gatly duty we were WOlte vad Ulent fer the soul. --Btatlord. SS SepsiRingn gething, : Mildred -- Binep our engagement George bas heen perfectly devoted te ~ De yon thiuk he will continue te ove Me when | am old? Clarice--Real: » deat, t can't say, but you'll soug When Crnverenion Lega The nome people don't tall Qo ta