'Short Sari es Retold, : ' ag NaeMnat FLIES. at a ate z |hotel, rang several times for attend-| ance but no one answered. He start- ed for the office in an angry mood, oe ae ise the messes _ eal ithe, ae LEY me x Of all the. whole 'blaimed ipenerels men x This is Praca ps od oS ee "ve akshilly prs grape me! Met Who awt to b e fust wept 'fit thes taik sy go cee ie e@ men to vikte » With sure "and sertin 'ire hays goin to put me in the rainks: Of korse, agenst my wil-- \ es "And 'maik 'me mareh behind a drum. Y _ And maik me learn to drill d 3 Cae "Now what mad fule has ree this trick Boe _ Geese - Onions, Large,:: Vice beaaict me Pikisceseetbase dt weacwists maid this great mistake? ar it for fun? or jellesy? --- x Don't they kno wots at staik? Pye aot sum ennemes, thet's sure; But never dremt thet wun Kud so forgit wot's due to me As maik me hold a gun | 18 Tf gess I 'kno who it was now,, I think I've traked him doun, he who wanted me to 'list High afternune in toun. oe holy: amoak't I see it hicae= Thay want to get my planns. Thay kant see enny uther way 'To tie the Kizer's hans. 'No dout thay think thayre pooty keen To ketch me in this way. _ But thay'll find out before thay're bee _ Thay cannot maik it Pay. _ Not by a jugful ! Thay kin serch My close until they bust, - But nary thing thay'ff. find, becos _- My planns, I'll swaller fust. _ 'Thay wunt find me a bit of use, Thay think thay've got me tite. TH eat as much as enny man; But durn me, I wunt fite. No siree !_ IT wunt help em "mutch-- I don't like dirty trix, It thay wunt give me proper raink Yl put em in a fix, Thay kant blaim me if thay don't win And as ['ll tell em strait; But if thay leeves me here a munth, They'll find it was to lait. [ always wos a loyal man Until thay kollered me, But now the fust chans I kin git ~ Ye jine the ennemees. Gosh . Wunt the Halies sware and raiv, Wen thay kno [ hev run, And find they've lost my planns and me, Thru givin me a gun My! Wunt' old Kizer Bill be glad To git a chap like me, My granfur, he wun Waterloo. And I kin fite like he. Talk about krisis! This in wun The Halies wunt git over. Thay'll thro the spung up all the way From Riger Kross to Dover. The only chans the Halies hey-- And thay must taik it kwick-- Is, hand the jobb and pay to me, Or else I'll maik em sick. = Hog For Service W. T. Ohalmers, Mornington, for service a young Berkshire from Thompson's strain. has hog, ---- White Rocks REM BRED TO LAY SD ET the best breed and the hest of that breed--the heavy boned kind. My strain is unexcelied for hardiness and good winter laying qualities. Birds are housed in openfront houses. Eggs from pen 1 and 2--$1.50 and $1 per 15. Now booking orders. ED. HELM, Hesson P. O. Address -- R. R. 1, BRITTON Ontario's Best Business College CENTRAL BUSINESS COLLEGE STRATF R , ONT. Students may enter our classes atany time. Commence your course now and be qualified for a p sition by Midsum- mer. During July and August of last year we received calls for over 200 off. ice assistants we could not supply. Our graduates arein demand. Write at once for our free catalogue. D. A. McLACHLAN * Principal W. D. WEIR'S LIST OF Properties For Sale ! $1100--Will buy a good frame dwel- ling, 1% storey with addition 1 storey. hard and soft water, % acre, on Maple 8t., Milverton. tye NAL buy splendid brick house _ With hard and soft water, 1-5 acre - good stabling on Temperance 8t.. Milverton.--A_ Snap, 91,600 will buy good 1% storey frame Mirfanae with 1% storey kitchen on Main St., hard and soft water, "Biving shed, stable, pig pen and at house, , plenty of small fruits 90 100-- Will buy Lot 11, Con 14, Ellice, 100 acres, frame house, flat | barn, close to railroad A chance to make $1,000 easy. - $5500-- Will buy Lot 15, Con. 7, Morn- J ington, 84 acres splendid land, close to school. station and Mill- bank, comfortable dwe lling. flat barn, good stabling, flowing spring ome and seo me if you want to wil or sell your dwelling or cree. gk It ill pay you. ----------_--_--_-- rn COMMERCIAL eh 65 $1 65 Wheat, news... ca : Barley per bushel. Oxvts Ls Peas Flour, Jewel par ewts, ** Banner perewt.. Me 5 Jewel per owe: Bran per ton.. «4. 387 00 87 00 Shorts per ton... vue 40 00 40 00 Hay POP OOD esta cee Bs cscs 00019500 Hogs liveweight... . 18 65 18 64 Butcher Cattle ...... 005. 6 00 8 00 Potatoes per hag: Mamie + tp. 21h 29 550. "25 19 18 15 rad ' rid Taiutckens Hens -- (PA epee ene Seen eh ee eee + Oren ee wee. 6 MAS ici on. 35 . Te Lydia E Pinkham' s eg |Gilbert Smith, of Plumis, Man., | Mrs, , dancing 18| 4A table Compound. -- ites 'Washington Park, 't. -- "I am the | mother of four children and have suf- | - = fered with female trouble, backache, nervous spells and the blues. My chil- dren's loud talking and romping would make me so nervous 11 could just tear i everything to pieces and I would acheall | over and feel so sick «|that I would not --| want anyone to talk to me at times. Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and Liver Pills re- stored me to health and I want to thank» you for the good they have done me. I have had quite a bit of trouble and worry but it does not affect my youth- ful looks. My friends say 'Why do you look so young and well?' I owe it all to the Lydia E. Pinkham remedies," --Mrs. Rost. SToPreEL, Moore Avenue, Washington Park, Illinois. _ We wish every woman who suffers from female troubles, nervousness, backache or the blues could see the let- ters written by women made well by Ly- | dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. If you have any symptom about which | you would like to know write to the | Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co., Lynn, | Mass., for helpful advice given free of charge. MILLBANK Mr. W. Crookshanks and Miss E. Crookshanks visited friends at Ethel this week.--Miss Sadie Pinder is vis- iting with friends at Stratford.--Mr spent a day last week with Mr, R. B. Ham- ilton.--Miss Olive Grieve has return- ed home after spending two weeks at St. Jacobs,--Miss Mary Mulcahy spent a couple of days at Stratford | last Week.--Miss Ella Coghiin has re- turned home after spending two | weeks at Winterbourne --Mrs. Wm Dunbar and daughter, Katharine, who have been visiting with Mr. Hugh Ross and other friends left for their home at Calgary this week.--Mrs. J. | Montgomery and son, of Neepawa. | Man., and Mrs. Thos. Crookshanks, | of Linwood, Spent a-couple of days! with' friends here during the past weck,--Mr. George Coghlin attended | the funeral of his nephew, Mr. John | Coghlin, near Molesworth, last week. | --A little baby girl came to the home | of Mr. Chas. Raby on Friday last.-- | Ihe Epworth League of the Methodist church met at Mr. John Fewings | last week, A very inte resting paper on medical missions was eee This week league meets at) Mr. W. 8S. Coul- | ter's.--Mrs. Rennie and daughter, of | Crosshill, spent part of this week | at Mr, John Hammond's.--Quite a num | ber are at present laid up with the} cold.--Do not forget the tea-meeting | at Knox church on Monday, Feb. 19th --A very enjoyable time was spent by all who attended the social evening given by the Women's [nstitute in Ritter's hall on Friday last. One part on the program was the sale of the autograph quilt, being purchased b} Jas. McKee for the sum of $20 Mrs. Roy Muleahy had the lueky ticket for the piece of crochet work given by Mrs Walter Tanner. After the program the remainder of the evening was spent in games and << be A TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR A compositor temporarily out of / work accepted a job as waiter. When a guest called him over and remon- strated about the undesirable pres- ence of a needle in the soup, the print er-waiter became confused and in his embarrassment said; "Beg your par- don, sir, the needle is a pp edrtsese cal error. it should have been a noodle." ---Se eee CARD OF THANKS We wish to thank the many neigh- bors for their deeds of kindness to our dear mother while here with us and their sympathy for us when she was taken away, Their kindness shal! never be forgotten,--Mr. and Mrs. James Brown, R.R. No. 1, Atwood. Kee GRAND-TRUN WINTER TOURS SPECIAL fares now in effect to resorts in Florida, Georgia, Nor th and South Carolina, Louis- iana and other Southern States and to Bermuda and the West Indies. RETURN LIMIT MAY 31, 1917 Liberal Stop-Overs Allowed For full information write to " : C. E, HORNING, D.P.A, Union Station, Toronto, Ont. H. C, BAIRD, Phone No. 1, Local Agent ae [eee matter with this dashed hotel?" _to the cellar for safety." the fifth floor and I wasn't warned." '*No, sir,' was the bland reply, which was not improved when he found that the "lift" was not running | Descending | two flights of stairs, ~he met one of th> chambermaids, "Wh: ts he growled. "No one to answer your. _call and no elevator running !" "Weli, you see, sir," said the maid, 'the Zeps were reported and we were allordered *"Dama:!" ejaculated the American. "I was on "but you see, sir, you don' t come under the employers' liability act, sir." wee hod SMOOTH DIPLOMACY In carrying on diplomatic relations with Germany President Wilson hum- ors Germany as the wife humored the husband who didn't get home from his lodge's annual banquet till four o'clock in the morning. «= The banqueter let himself in noisily | and then he began to growl and | swear at a fearful rate down in the hall, "Matter ish," the banqueter called back, 'there's two hat racks here, and I--hic--dunno which thang my haton " His wife laughed and said in sooth- ing tones; "But, dear, and come on up to bed tired.'* I know you're e-- > SOME COLLECTION BOX The latest American church device for "raising the wind' is what a reli- down | you've got two hats, ; haven't you? Hang one on eachrack ee. + gious paper describes as "some. col- lection-box." The inventor hails from | Oklahoma, If -a member of the con- gregation drops in a twenty-five cent piece or a coin of larger value, there is silence, If it is a ten-cent piece a bell rings, a five-cent piece sounds a whis- tle, and a cent fires a blank cartridge If anyone pretends to be asleep when | the box passes, it awakens him witha watchman's rattle, and a kodak takes his portrait. bah RECEIVED NO HARM A certain clergyman was much grieved to find his special services for men only were so badly attended. He expressed his regret to the verger one evening when, as usual, they were the only two at the meeting. "Tt really think they ought to come,' he said, sadly. "That's just 'over an' over again," }eonsolingly. "I sez to |me,' I sez; 'look at he. them services,' I sez, does they do me?" t+ HAD TRAVELLED A New York man tooka run not long {ago into Connecticut, to atown where what I zed to 'em said the verger, 'em, 'Look at I goes to all 'an wot 'arm 'he had lived as a boy. On his native; & heath he accosted a venerable old chap! & of some eighty years, who proved to |be the very person the Gothamite sought to answer certain inquiries concerning the place. "[ suppose you have always around here?' "No," said the man, "I. was born two good from here, miles Saat KNEW BY INTUITION ing the wind all week--its power, ef- fests, etc.,--until the subject hid been pretty well exhausted, To stimulate |most enthusiastic manner ; as I came to school to-day in the trol- ley car, (thing came softly in and kissed me on the cheek. What do you think it was ?"* And the children joyfully answered, "The conductor !" St DIDN'T DO THINGS BY HALF Aunt Mandy's husband has just died and she had purchased a very com- plete set of mourning garments, She worried her. "What foh you got all dem black undeh-clothes, Mandy '?' and determination, replied, when I mourns, I mourns," + UNHAPPILY PHRASED They were discussing at the club orce again the unhappy phrasing of recent Admiralty announcements, "They remind me," said one mem- ber, of the old nigger who 'heard of a Georgia negro who had been legally hanged instead of lynched. ank goodness,' he said, 'de black man am gittin' his just deserts 'at last,'" o--+ PIGS FIRST ~ The following brief and pointed dia- logue appeared in Punch; Visitor--'My good man, you keep your pigs much too near the house." Cottager--""That's just what the doctor said, mum, But I don't se how it's agoin' to hurt 'em." e--t ""Preservin' de trees would be easy," said Uncle Eben, "if ev'ybody had de same hesitatin' feelin' toward a wood- "Child, pile dat I always 'spericnce," _ Giant Flowering Carnation , BOOSOOVHEDY FREE! © Address a. postcard to us now and receive by return mail a copy of our néw illustrated So- page catalogue of Garden, Flower and Field Seeds, Root | Seeds, Grains, Bulbs, Small ; Fruits, Garden Tools, ete, SPECIAL.--We will also send you free a packet (value 15c) of our choice : Giant Flowering -- Carnation | This carnation is a great favor- 52 fragrant and the plants do well outdoors, carly fall they bloom profusely from October till the end of May. Extra Urtag are easily propogated from them by cuttings, "'pipitigs" or layering, Send for our catalogue and learn of our other valuable | premiums, ~-Darch & Hunter Seed Co., Limite SRE IEOS ES @ PESSLSHSHED ite; the flowers are large and Transplanted into pots in the 18 LONDON 9 CANADA As the conver- | sation proceeded the New Yorker said | lived old | ¥ The kindergarten had been study- linterest the kindergartner said, inher | "Children, | § the door opened and some-| & was showing them to Eliza, who was | expressing great admiration. One thing : 'Whereupon Aunt Mandy, with dignity ! | ef é Pb ad The avowed 'intention or the Germans to sink 'on sight. oH found within well-defined regions gives us much food for thought, -- S and the severance by Ametica of relations with the Germans a ready further et 2 matters. . | dust | | | } is | sui as New Goods in all lines will be on display. Arrived We are able to show you 100 the best value at $12.50 ever shown--equally as good Price range of suits $12.50, $15.00, $18.00, $20, $22 50, $25.00 and $30.00. Ladies' New Spring Suits-- Taken into stock already. ts and; as usu |, we have last year's $12.50 suits. . Will the Coane be able to affect | ae 'Shipments to | eo a Canada | = : <3 any vessel _ Ea If the Central Powers can fulfil their submarine promises then § sup- plies of many kinds will be affected. Soa Ages Cae This country would probably find it almost impossible to obtain > -- further supplies of woollen goods for outer clothing, | all of it comes from Great Britain, and 'with the United States. als: most certain to be embroiled, the supply which they eee divert -- to us will be needed for their own armies. as practically | The entry into the war of the United States--how it would disturb | conditions here ! Coal dearer, textiles dearer, many articles of food - almost unprocurable, and a radical revision of our present mode of © living an absolute certainty. The raising of large armies would put an peace! strain on their population and money, and the effects _ would be felt in scarcity and higher prices. ~ 3 When we said some time ago that "events in 1917 promise to be even more wildly sensational" we were indeed very close to the mark. Anticipate your wants before goods advance again. Ladies' Winter Coats at 14 Price-- Mien's and Boy's Overcoats Reduced For the balance of the season, A good investment--purchase an over eae at less than wholesale and a | great deal below next year's whole- sile price. See our assortment. Eggs 52c; Butter 35c; Lard 20c ENGELAND @ SON '"'The Store with the Stock" . MILVERTON cheat Krupa Et Tu Brute ? London Spectator Sixty-five million bushels of grain are every year being turned into beer while three hundred and sixty million pounds of sugar--enough to supply every family in the kingdom with forty-five pounds are used every year ter in another way, three million acres of arable land are devzotcd to the growth of foodstuffs to be converted into alcoholic liquor. These acres would grow enough wheat to keep the whole of London supplied all the year round," The great old conservative organ calls upon the Lloyd George Govern- ment to deal summarily with = this peril. Then somewhat strangely it goes on to say; * "We are no teetotal cranks. We do not want to interfere in normal times with people's personal habits--hygien.¢ or non-hygienic. On imatters of health let them judge for themselves. All we say is thhat when it is certainlya ques- | tion of food shortage, and may be a| question of actual starvation, it is madness, it is a crime, for the Gov- ernment to allow our daily dwindling | supplies of wheat and sugar and coal togoto the manufacture and trans- port of drink and at the same time to allow the depletion of our man- power caused by the cmployment of hundreds of thousands of men in making, selling and moving beer who might be doing war work. --_---- --- -- ™ Rit Shisae! 'that Laura' 's "engagement to| ithe young minister is off? ' "Why, yes, she told me, He was horribly jealous and so unfair." "Every time she would make an engagement to go 'motoring with some : : : ® : : 8 : 3 3 other peas id would prey for rain." by the liquor trade. To put the mat-- Grain Much Better Filled H. RICHARD, Dorehanter Ontario, says; "I used Homestead Bone Black Fertilizer on four acres of oats last Spring with very good results. The field consisted of ten acres of sod, half 'of which had been manured the previous year, while in meadow, and we applied the fertilizer 200 pounds to the acre to the balance of the field, | The growing crop showed much bet- | ter growth all through the season where the fertilizer was used than where it had been manured, and at the time of cutting the grain seemed much better filled. ag . a es : GOOD FOR 25% GAIN GEORGE W. ADDY, Ethel, Ontario, Says; "This is to certify that I purchased some Homestead Bone Black Fertili- zer las Spring from your agent, Mr. J. K. Baker, and I am well satisfied with it. I used it on our oats and I believe if I had sown it on the whole field I would have had 25% more grain." = : Sas --y 30 BUSHELS WHEAT ON POOR _ LAND ~ JOSEPH. MOLLARD, Park Hill, says: "T used Homestead Fertilizer on my wheat, about 300 pounds to the jacre, where I have not been able to grow a crop, and'wheat on that land will run thirty bushels. to the acre." Write Michigan Carbon Works, De- troit, for free book and particulars about their 'Homestead. Bone Black Fertilizer, Sold in Meitvectonn: 'ap. N. A. Zimmer- ee and George apt MAKE YOUR DOLLARS -- FIGHT AT THE FRONT. BUY DOMINION OF CANADA THREE-YEAR War Savincs CERTIFICATES || $ 26.00 For $21.50. BOO. 43.00 | 100.00 86.090 INDIVIDUAL PURCHASES LIMITED TO $1500. <#. FOR FULL PARTICULARS APPLY AT ANY BANK | «OR ANY. itacahe ge ORDER POST OFFICE etinsinkk Daranrn ENT JAN. 9, 1917 TT awe