Stratford Times duly 12, 2024 _ a STUART LENDER Times Contributor It is a complete privilege to serve the community in which I live through the often-alien ter- titory of funeral service. And in that unfamiliar terrain, the main task for me is to walk alongside — not to be followed. | am very clear, after decades serving as a funeral director and years of be- ing manager at Rutherford Cre- mation & Funeral Services that everyone’s terrain is different, the shoes they walk in —more, or less, comfortable — and the “valley of the shadow of death” ea in completely dispa- rate wi Stine fos ss ore ee al Until Soon. Live Well: Honouring a land teeming with decisions that should be personal. A single soul, unique and one-of-a-kind has died. Your experience of that death can only be personal! Just as last wishes are. I mention this to bring atten- tion to a notion that reveals itself most often when someone actu- ally has died. To all who would hear — to honour someone has infinitely more meanings and manners in which to carry it out than what is “expected” of you. Often expectations stem from a misguided sense of obligation, and while I have always, and still do, advocate that the wish- es of the one who dies are para- mount over all others, it does not mean that a funeral in the guise of “tradition” or from a feeling of obligation is the proper road to walk down. Nor does it mean “T don’t want anything” equates to “I don’t want to be honoured.” Honouring someone, including yourself, is a quintessential de- sire by all who live and breathe and all who die — to recognize their worth, to feel they have left something of themselves. There is no one on this earth who doesn’t want to feel as though they mattered, but how that ma‘ look may be markedly different. I will give options when op- tions are required, but the actual honouring of a life may range from a public or private funeral service, celebration, casual gath- ering, to the raising of a glass at the family dinner table — which might lead to reminiscence and conversation or tears and laugh- ter. It might include the formal burning of a candle. It might be remembrances late at night, when grieving becomes a blanket you share together. It may involve the funeral home or it may not. The most important thing to re- member is that honouring some- one should fit the personality of the one being honoured and not some notion of what should be because of a misguided view of what people might expect. And certainly, never should it equate to how much money is spent! And who cares what people expect? The piece of the puzzle that is most often forgotten is that others have their own memories, their own grief, their own option of honouring the dead in the way they see fit. People tend to forget that: that honouring someone is as personal as it indeed, actually is! Some may need community at a funeral and some may not, just as some would like to see the loved one in a casket and soi may not. You will never satisfy. @ everyone nor is it your respon- sibility to do so. Your responsi- bility is to stand true and try to accommodate the wishes of the one you have loved and are re- sponsible for. To carry them out. There is never a last goodbye for you as long as you are living, but there is for them and their time is now. Your goodbyes for them will still stretch out into the fu- ture, believe me. I hear it said that funerals are for the living — and so that may very well be. If your wish and the deceased’s wish differ in some way, nothing is stopping you from carrying out what it is you want after what they want is satisfied. And if there’s a hurdle to overcome, well, this is perhaps where the funeral di- rector can guide you in the way around it. There always is one. If those wishes are the same there is no issue. A dying wish is often highly specific and I, for one, would feel disrespected (if I were alive) if my specific wishes were not carried out as I wanted them to be. There’s no illusion here, there are no rules, and there may not be a funeral service either — at least not in the way it was imag- ined by yourself or another. Do your own thing then. If possible, do what it is you need afterward. Think upon them. Be with them in your mind and heart for a while. Speak with them, out loud or in your head. Light a candle. Make a dinner for your family and dedicate it to them. Make their favourite meal if you know it. Honour them in any manner you see fit. Hold a “funeral gath- ering” at a later date if necessary. Part of the healing is that we know this can be done whenever and wherever we want. As often as we want. As large or as small as we want. And as specific as = o Honouring someone is import- ant. It releases us and lets us nav- igate our grieving. It frees us to recognize ourselves in the pro- cess. It creates gratefulness even in our sadness. And most impor- tantly, what it might look like is ours and ours alone — despite the hundred others who may or may not be sitting at some kind of fu- neral tribute that may or may not be happening the way they want Stuart is a celebrant and the manager of Rutherford Crema- tion & Funeral Services. It is his privilege to serve, dispel myths, and give information concerning his field of compassionate ser- vice. BRUCE WHITAKER Times Freelance Columnist Stratford needs an outdoor gym. Here’s why our communi- ty will benefit. City parks played an essential role in alleviating skyrocketing stress levels experienced during the pandemic. Nationwide, Ca- nadians flocked to green spaces, providing us the perfect venues for social distancing. In fact, a survey by the national organi- zation, Park People, found that 85 per cent of Canadians found parks to have had a profound Investing in our parks impact on their mental health during the pandemic. Since the pandemic, usage of parks has in- creased by a further 15 per cent across Canada. Could parks be an antidote to many of our societal pains? Loneliness has become a very concerning health issue of late. According to scientists, loneli- ness can raise a person’s risk of death by 45per cent — more than air pollution, obesity or alcohol abuse. The World Health Orga- nization suggests loneliness is on a trajectory to becoming a global epidemic. A recent Harvard Uni- versity study found that 43 per cent of young adults reported in- creases in loneliness. About half reported that no one in the prior four weeks had “taken more than just a few minutes” to ask how they were doing in a way that made them feel like the person “genuinely cared.” Being immersed in nature, whether a forest or a city park, has many benefits including ad- dressing loneliness. CARP, a na- tional organization that advocates for the health and vibrancy of people as He age, found living near a park had a huge effect on reducing feelings of loneliness. According to CARP, even when controlled for socioeconomic sta- tus, green space mattered a lot. In statistical terms, the relationship between avoiding loneliness and living near a park was four times greater than the relationship be- tween availing loneliness and having childre: Stratford activist R. Thomas Orr knew well the positive im- pact of parks. He led the fight to save the riverfront and millpond from railway development and oversaw the transformation of the former industrial area into park- land. He then worked to create the City of Stratford parks board. Today, residents along with vis- itors come together in our park system to enjoy a multitude of ac- tivities — picnics, playing cricket, strolling hand in hand, dreaming and much more — because of R. Thomas Orr’s astute vision. Why not further Orr’s vision of our parks as community spaces for residents to come to- gether in nature for better men- tal and physical health? While many Canadian cities set quantity based targets for parks such as the number of water fountains and soccer fields, few collect data on park quality. It’s natural for cities to build parks and then feel the task is done, however parks should be built as a breathing, living thing that con- tinues to evolve. As the needs of users change, we must do better to meet such needs. For example, when the skateboard park and pump track were introduced at the All-Wheels Park, the users found both venues very chal- lenging. Both sections were well used, but now users are craving lore. To respond to such needs, an accessible and inclusive outdoor calisthenics gym will become the sixth stage of the All-Wheels Park. Calisthenics racks were WWW.STRATFORDTIMES.COM introduced by the U.S. Arm during the late 1930s to develop unity and camaraderie among soldiers. It expanded to general fitness in the 1940s and now has a status as a sport and urban street movement. Calisthenics encour- age users to work out as a group on the same apparatus bringing users together. The outdoor gym will also ex- pand the breadth of park users — appealing not only to youth, but adults and seniors as well. Fam- ilies will be able to work out to- gether on warm summer nights, hockey teams will train under a tree canopy for the upcoming season and groups of seniors will wake up to a healthy workout. The advantage of calisthenics is everyone can do it as the activi- ty uses a person’s own frame and body weight to produce the resis- tance and challenge within all ex- ercises, meaning people with dif- ferent levels of fitness can jointly start a program. Please support the All-Wheels Park at stratfordgym.com