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A NEW DIsn.-â€"-A gentleman, whose know- ledge of the French was limited to a few words, and who was ignorant of the meaning even of those, called in at one of our French restarannts a few days since for his dinner. “Vat vill you have, sare '2” said the attentive French waiter. “I’ll take some of thatâ€"â€" thatâ€"what do you call it ? same as Ihad yesterdayâ€"some French dish or other.” I do not recollect, sare, vat you did have day be- fore dis.” “Oh, some fried dishâ€"let’s see a friedfille de chambreâ€"I believe that’s what they call it.” The poor waiter shrugged his shoulders, and put on a look of perfect aston- ishment when his customer called for a fried chambermaid. “I say Bill did you ever see tables move by the aid of spirits from the spirit world ?” A line in one of Moor’s pretty, but absurd songs, reads thus:-â€"“Onr couch shall he rose: bespangled with dew.” To whicha sensible girl replies :-â€"-â€"“ ’Twonid give “me rheumatics and so it would you 2-" Grief murmurs ; anger roars; impatience fifets gbnt happiness, like a cairn river, flows on in quiet sunlight, wuhont a ripple or afall to-mark the rushing on of nme towards etern- Noam): likes to-be nobody ; but everybody is pleased to think himself somebody. And everybody is somebody but when anybody thinks himself to be somebody, be generally thinks everybody else to be nobody. (13?- “Here you little rascal, walk in and give an account of yourself. Where have you been 2” “After the girls, father.” “Did you ever know me to do so when] was a boy ?_” - -- Q A- A‘ PROPRIETOR of a cotton mill, who is some- thing of a philosopher, posted upon the factory gate the following notice :--“No cigars or good looking men admitted.” When asked for an explanation, he said, “I’ll tell youâ€"- the one will set a flame ageing among my cottons, and t’other among the gals. I won’t admit such inflamable and dangerous things into'my establishment at any risk.” - “No, Sam, but I saw a stool move and it came towards me with a rush.” “Where you not a little frightened '2” “Yes, but I dodged it.” “Who made it move, Bill ?” “Who, my own sweetheart ! She throwed it at me because I made fun of the ways she puts her hair up in paper.” Bi's master’s face, said, in a whining, hypo- critical tone: 2 “Sir, I smoke for cams I” “Now, sirrah,” bellowed the master to the last boy, “what disorder do you smoke for ’2” Alas! all tl: e excuses w ere exhausted; but the interrogated urchin. putting down his 1pe, alter a farewell \\ h1fi and looking up in iiis master’ 5 face, said, in a. whining, hv Do- . One had a “raging tooth ;” another “cho- hc ;” the third a. “cough 3” in short, they all had something. In one of our neighboring towns the lads of a school acquired the habit of smoking, and resorted to the most ingenious methods to con- ceal the vice from the master. In this they were successful until one evening, when the master caught them at it, and stood before them in awTul giignity. “Ahd you 5." {1nd yqu ?. and yéu 2’” inquired the pedagogue, questnomng every boy in his “How now ?”4 shouted the master to tPe first lad, “how dare you be smoking tobacco?” “Sir,” said the boy, “I am subject to head aches, 31nd a pipefakesAoff the pain.” . 'TBE SNAKE IN THE CLASS. A HOMILY. EXCUSES FOR USING TOBACCO. And if you are partial to snakes ,my lad; (A passion I think rath .r low) Don 1: enter to see ’em, The Devil’s Museum. '- ’Tis much better to go, [That’s so 2] And visit a regular show. ’Tis a warning to you and me, my lad; A particular caution to all -â€" Though no one can see The vipers but he, ~â€" To hear the poor lunatic bawl :--- “ How they crawl :â€" All over the floor and the wall!” 'Ilhe fellow fell into a. snooze my lad; ’Tisa horrible slumber he takes He trembles with fear, And acts so queer; My eyes! how he shivers and shakes When he wakes, And raves about horrid great snakes! You've heard of the snake in the grass my lad; 0f the viper concealed in the grass ; But now you must know . Man’s deadliest foe Is a snake of a. different class; Alas 2-â€" ’This the viper that lurks in the glass! Next morning he took to his bed, my lad; Next morning he took to his bed; And he never got up To dine or to sup, Though properiy physicked and bled; And I read, Next day the poor fellow was dead! One evening he went to the tavern, my lad ; He went to the tavern one night, And drinking too much Rum, brandy and such, The chap got exceedingly “tight ;” And was quite What your aunt would en itle a “fright.” A warning to you and me my lad; A very imperative call: â€"- Of liquor keep clear; Don’ t drink even beer, If you’d shun all occasion to fall; If at all, .‘ Pray take it uncommoniy small. A clever young man was be, my lad; And with beauty uncommonly b!est, Ere, with brandy and wine, He began to declme, And behaved like a person possessed; I protest The temperance plan is the best. Como listen awhile to me, my lad: Come listen to me for 3 Spell; Let that terrible drum For a moment be dumb, For your uncle is going to tell What befel A youth who loved liquor to well. "it and IIumour. 993323337?- BY JOHN G. SAXE. 7" v-“ Country and Americans makes in facf in ' ' . . . c , pomt of ualtlt .. ablhty and limsh, they are not to be excelled ; a stockqof botggglgs and Scales ls kept on hairdrand ifat anytime he should be out of stock of any partlcular srze, he will procure it at very short no. his? merely charging factory prices delivered at the factorv, and a mg a sum sum to cover tretht ‘i-f-delitvere at th -' the subscriber. D i it i d" e store, Of OWEN SOUND, April 23, 1861. V 1 I044, Made by Messrs. Carpenter Ware 8L (30., Hamilton; both Safes and Scales are eqpal to agy, apd Asupgrior _to mpst of the Old Coopers’ and Shoe-makers’ Tools, and a variety of other things too numerous to mention. The subscriber is also desirous toas- sist the good people of this section to encourage HOME M‘imtTFACTURESQ And has therefore obtained the agencies of the justly established prlze ’ Keeps on hand a large stock of Iron, Steel, Anvils, Vices, Nails, Chains, Bolts, Nuts, Rivets, Screws, Hinges, Window Glass, Putty, Cordage, Oaknm, Pitch, Tar, Rosin, Hames, and Japanned Saddlery Hardware. To buy from him, rather than go to Guelph or Toronto. W. KOUGH at the opening of, and during navigation, Will be receiving from vessels direct from home markets and from the manufacturing districts of the United States, large SUpplies of everything in the Hardware line, which from his practical ex- perience, both in Eu‘r0pe and America, he is enabled to offer at unusually low pl‘lCCS. A Coal Oil Lamp complete, and a quartzof the purest Coal Oil or Book Oil, all for 50 cents, at HORSMAN BROTHERS. Have removed to their PLATFORM AND OTHER SCALES Ofers IIardzcarc at the Sign Oils, Paints and Colors, GUELPH, Nov. 28th, 1861. Clear as water, and free from smell, which they are selling at At such prices as Will pay all customers in want of which they are selling at 37.5; HORSMAN BROS. Made by J. .'J. Taylor, of Toronto, and of ”the LAMPS, W, ROUGH have also a fine assortment of NEW STORE, where the'y have â€"_â€"â€"_ THE DURHAM STANDARD, DURHAM, JANUARY 10 â€"â€"â€"â€" uâ€"vâ€"vv --_â€"-.U, IRONMQNGERS, GUELPH. cents and upwards. 154-tf READER, 1f you need either or both of these most excellent Remedie=,i11quirc for them at the s;tores if you do not find them, take no other but inclose One Dollar 1:1 3. letter. and on a re- c‘eipt 0f the money, the Remedy or Remedies will he sent according to your directions, W mail or express postpa‘id. Address, ” DAN’L S. DARLIN’G, 102 22133311 St. New York. P!!t up in 50 ct. 8i $1 Bettie: each. 152-511; I When our children or out of sorts, We give them a few drops and it sets them all right I find it meets the general wants of the stomach and b - els when disordered.” 0W I did so, and found it to Operate admirably, re- moving the bile and arousing the liver to activity I have a‘so used it as a FAMIL Y MEDICINE. , D. Wesbei'velt, ‘ Esq., 'of South 51h, near 8th Street, ,Williamsburg, L. I.,W1tites:.‘?Angust 5 lBGOâ€"Ha ving been troubled with. 9; difficulty in the Liver, and subject to bilious attacks, I was advised by a friend to try Mrs. Young, of Brooklyn writes “Februar 28 mooâ€"In May last I had a’ severe’atmck of‘giles, ghlctp confined me to the house. I took one hot: 8 o and was entirely cured. I have had no attack since.” in afi'ordimg immediate relief. It i Liver and bilious remedy. ” Mrs. C. Tebow, 11 Christopher Street, N. Y., writes: "Feb. 20, 1860.--â€"I have been subject to attacks of :Asthma. the lastztwenty years. I have never found anything equal to I passed clotted blood by the uretha now entirely cured, and take pleasure in mending these remedies.” Otis Studley, Esq, 128 East 28th street, N. Y., writes: “ August 14, 1860â€"1 had a. difficulty with Kidney Complaint three years, with con- stant pain in the sum]. of my back. I had used most all of kinds of medicine, but found no per- manent relief until I used It broke up my cold and fever at once. Previous to this attack, I had been troubled with dyspepsia several months 5 I have felt nothing of it since.” DARLING’S LIVER REGULATOR Hon. John A. Cross, writes, “ Brooklyn, March 15, 1860. [a the spring of 1859 I took a severe cold, which induced a. violent fever. I tookdm'o doses of Darling’s Liver Regulator And now consider myself entirely cured.” Is a superior tonic and diuretic; excellent in cases of loss of appetite, flatulency, female weakness, i.regularities, pains in the side and bowels, blind, protruding and bleeding piles, and general debility. READ THE FOLLOWING TESTIMONY: Jas. L. Brumley, merchant, 184 Fulton street, New York, writes; August 18. 1860; “I have been afflic:ed with pxles: accompanied With bleed- ing, the last. three years; I used DARLING’S Removes the morbids and billions deposits from the stomach and bowels, regulates the liver and kidneys, removing every ibstruction, restores a natural and healthy action in the vital organs.â€" It is a superior FAMILY MEDICINE, Much betters than pills, and much easier Are pure vegetable extracts. They cure all b,l- lious disorders of the human system. They regu- late and vigorate the liver and kidneys; they give tone to the digestive organs; they regulate the secretions, excretions and exhalatio :8, equal- ize the circulation, and unify the blood. Thus, all bill-ion; complaintsâ€"some of which are Torpid Liver, Sick Headache, Dysyepsia, Piles, Chills and Fevers, Costiveness or Loosenessfiare en- tirely controled and cured by these remedies. DARLING’S {13" Wrought Iron Shares made. for any kind 0 ploughs. hi?" Mill Picks Made and Sharpened. fil- Axes Jumped and Tempered; E” Any person in need of a Farrier will find it. to their avantage to call 0:5. him. Durham, Nov. 25, 1858. l In the BEST STYLE and at Moderate _Price Blacksmith and Farrier, Saddler Street, IS PREPARED TO DO Mill \Vork, Horse Shoeing, CERES. 2%, 5MB EEC; for any quantity of WOOL delivered at his resi- dence, four miles west of Durham, on the Durham Road. ANDREW LIVINGSTON, Bentipck, 8th Feb., 1860. 62â€"1y OR WOOLEN CLOTH, THE Subscriber will pay the highast in Cash or in exchange for FLANNEL RIGGS' BLACK 01L is acknowledged by all who haw used it, to be superior to Gargling Oil, or any other edicine now before the Public, for Sprains, Bruises, Cu Guns, and all injuries to Horseflesh. Good for mu: DARLING’S LIVER REGULATOR. LIVER REGULATOR Priec, 26 cents per lotus. Sold 1) all Dealers in M- DARLING’S LIFE BITTERS, Darling’s Liver Regulator. Darling’s Life Bitters LIFE BJTTERS, GABGLING OIL SUPERSEDED. LIFE BITTERS. AND AND AND is a. thorough in recom - to take. , 1861 The undersigned, Missionary to Constantino- ple, has examined more. than twenty different kil’ds- of Sewing Machines, and after some six .Weeks’ experience with Wilcox 6: Gibbs’ Pa'tent, he has purchased one of them as the best adapt- ed to- the wants of his family, and as *he least liable to require repair. ‘ OLIVER CRANE E Send for a Circular. =52 JAMES WILCQX, Lanzug, [LIDU bUUDIUCluLlUU lll': sjm licitv,cheap netS, durabihty, and domf-t all Work, the com- 0 ‘_ a r. ,mittee were unanimous.” in favor of the Wil- cox Gibbs as a single thread machine.”â€"-Pennâ€" sylvania State Agricultural Society’s Report. “We must, in justice, cxpmss our confidence in the merits of the Wilcox Gibbs Sewing Machine. We consider that a great desxderatmn has been supplied by it, in proving, beyond doubt, that two thieads are not, as was supposed, neces- sary to a good instrument.”â€"-Christian Advocate and Journal, June,_ 21, 1860 “ Taking into consideratlon the si nets, durability, and domg all W mittee were unammously in. fat“ cox Gibbs as a Single thread ma: sylvgqia State Agricultural Societv “Has combined Wiih its own peculiar merits all the really valuable improvements of the high- er priced maailment-Pennsylvanian. “This machine, in ~the opinion of the com mittee, fills m' re nearly the requirements of a e .- fect family machine than any on exhib’ dang-1'" Franklin Institute Exhibition Report of 1353 ' " “ mn‘.:nm :m‘n nA-‘h:IJA-n L-_-_ L‘. - Two tho'usand Stitches, or two yards of can be done in one minute Without drop] stitch. Another feature which deserves particular at- tention is £13” 17w WILCOX Patent Needle cannot be set wrong. A patented device of great utility to learners, prevents the possibility of the machine being run in the wrong direction, or the balance wheel wearing a la dy’s dress. THIS MACHINE HAS POINTS OF SU- PERIORITY PFCULIARY ITS OWN. Stitching, Flemming, and Felling with a Single Thread. It forms a flat, even, and elastic seam, which is \VARRANTED not to rip in wear, even it the seam is cut at frequent intervals, and also under all circumstances, “ to survive the wash4u13y Opposite St. Nicholas Hbtel} Gobd fiefchantable wil'u‘lâ€"lber or taken as cash. HE PROPRIETOR ANNOUNCES TO THE inhabitants of Durham and surrounding: country, that he is prepared to furnish any of the abévc articles on short notice, and of superior workmanship and quality, as nothing except the best quality of timber will be uS£ d. SLEIGH, AND PLOUGH $13: Dr. L’s Ofiicé 13 still located as establish; (1 under the same of DR. LA CROIX, at No. 31 Maiden Lane, Albany, N. Y. It will be .sent by fiIail en reteipt ( f two [3] cc {Stamp:. {13" Attendance daily, from 8 in the morning 39 atuight, and on Sundays from '2 to 5, P \1. Medicines with full (1 rections sent to any [art of the United States or Canadas, by patient c0111- municating t11ei1 systems bv letter. Busines cor res;1_onde11ce strictly confidential. fl Treatise on the Cause of Premature Decayâ€"- .11 solemn warning. Just published, a. book showing the insidious progress and prevalence among schools, [both male and female,] of this fatal habit ; Iointing out the fatality that invariably attends its victims, and developing the whole progress of (Ice zwisease, from the connnenrement to the end. THE " ELECTRIC GALVAXIC PROTECTIVE.”-â€"â€"For married ladies Whose heaith will not admit, or who have no desire to increase iiieir families, may be obtained as above. It is a perfeuly safe p20- ventive to conception, and has been extensively used during the last 20 years. Price reduced to $10. The Secrets of Youth Unveiled. -. v :u ""'“" "'""J' Price $1 per box. They can be mailed to any part of the United States or Canada. TO THE LADIESâ€"Who need a confidential medical adviser with regard to any of those inter- esting complaints to which their delicate orga- nization renders them liable, are particularly inâ€" vited to consult us. ., vv av“. v. FRENCH FEMALE PILLSâ€"Ladies who wish for Medicines, the efficacy of. which has been tested in thousands of cases, and never failed to effect Speedy cures without any bad results, will use none but Dr. DL-Lancy’s Female Periodical Pills. The only precaution necessary to be observed is, ladies :should not take them if they have reason to believe they are in certain. situations (the par- ticulars of which will be found on the wrapper accompanying each box,) though always safe and healthy, so gentle. yet so active are they. n_:-h an s ’ We have recently devoted much of our time in VISITING THE EUROPEAN HOSPITALS, availing ourselves of the knowledge and research- es of the most skilled Physicians and Surgeons in Europe and the Continent. Those Who place themselves under. our care will now have the full benefit of the many NEW AND EFFICACIOUS REMEDIES Which we are enabled to introduce into our practice, and the public may rest as- sured of the same zeal, assiduity, SECREGY and attention being paid to their cases, which has so successfully distinguished heretofore, as a Physi- cian in our PE CULIAR department of profession- al Practice, forth? past twe-ntyjfi-ve years. T.‘_____ 74 1" YOUNG MEN Who are troubled with weak- ness, generally caused by a. bad habit in youth, the efl‘ects of which are dizziness, pains, forget- fulness, sometimes, a- ringing in the ears, weak eyes, loss of memory, with melancholy, may be cured by the author’s NEW PARIS AND LON~ DON TREATMENT. . 3 L3 w L LL ‘13 LL} LL b f3 L LL L P ICE with [IEMMER FELLE l 250 PAGES AND 130 ENGRAVINGS.â€" Price only TWENTY-FIVE CENTS. Sent free of postage to all parts of the Union. 011 the in- firmities of youth and maturity, disclosing the secret follies of beth sexes of all ages, causing debility, nervousness, depression of spirits, pal. pitation of . the hearts, suicidal imaginii; gs, invol- untary emissions,- blushings, defective memory, indigesdon and lassitude, with confessions of tlzriiiing interest of Boarding School Miss, a Col- lege Student, and a Young Married Lady, 6%., 6'0. It is a truthful adviser to the married and those comtemplating marriage, who entertain secret doubts of physical condition, and who are con- scious of having hazarded the health, happiness, and privileges to which every human being is en- litled. Durham, 28 June,.1860. PRIVATE MEDICAL “T'liizi'i‘nsn ON THE PHYSIOLoGICAL VIEW 0f MARRIAGE. M an 13 factory. $35 00. Manufa ctfirer No. 508 Broadwav New Yonk. :nc es, or two yards of work, minute without droppinga A. MCFARLANE. farm produce 147â€"1}? â€"- D‘VV“ “I,“ u. Apply (if by Ie'tter,” post-paid)to RICHARD H0] or to the Suzanna Office, or to Wm. . Bentinck October gent. Bentinck P 7 1861‘. "* to the proprietor RICHARD HOPKINS. ‘ NIELV J- r.- A Being lot 19, 15th concescion thiafl' .. Y choppedfind partly cleared. , Thell'ggi' Carding Mills, {and within fo w UP ' (travel timid to Guelph, The qualiglg cannot ' . A n -cu-?x.ie_e_n_ed .113 .the Provmce. v; v- “.2“. :10, uuuudfll KUAD, BEN} TINCK, adjommg the 'I'OWn-plot of Durham, containing 200 acres, 130 Of ‘Vb;Ch are clear " well fenced, and under good - ‘N is one of the best ‘ Cultxvatlon‘ 3M!» __. ........ ”A, ................ 2 each. The puolic may rely upon the good quality or the workâ€"a fact which cannot be said of the trashy importations from Toronto and elsewhere, as their cushioned Chairs and Sofas are mostly stuffed with straw. Shop, scuth end of the bridge, Garafraxa street GEORGE KRISS. Durham, 10th:,Sept. 1861. 100-11. i- â€"__.â€"â€"~ .â€".-â€"_ 4-. THE SUBSCRIBER. WISHES TO the inhabitants ofDurham and vicinh intends tn sell all sorts nf anhh‘ot u THE CHEAPEST «GQZBEZEEE ’Wéigfié'fiSE IN Is now regulmly running between Owen Sound and Collingwood, leaving Ow 11 Sound daily at ",A. XL, and Collingwaood (11:13:? P \I. W'. H. S“! TH Master. OW‘n Sound, May 9, 1861. 126-1! COLLINGWOOD The undersigned having been-appointed Agent for Durham and vicEnity, for the above Company,. is prepared to take risks on moderate terms. HERBERT ROWSWELL. 7‘ Resident brincipvals at Emmiâ€"1t: 'J. E hlyur J: W. P. SPENCER. For further informs. tiOn, pliaavse call at the Col- age Rooms. or send for Catalogue and Circular, nclosing. letter stamp. Address BRYANT, 6; STRATTON. Buffalo, N. Y. October 7, 1861.. JA’Iâ€"ly ' "'6 Funds 111 band (Deer 1860), ...... $6, 299 130.00» Invested 111 Canada .............. 2 L0,000.00< HEAD OFFICE, CANADA BRANCH. Company’s Buildings, Corner of Placejd’Ar- mes and,G-reat St. James Street, AIontreal. Scholarship, full $40 T.BANDERSON, Esq. (Presidént Bank of Man Utreal), Chairman. ALEX. SIMPSON, Esq. (President Ontario Bank)- Deputyâ€"Chairman. HENRY CHAPMAN, Esq. ; JAMES MITCHELL. Esq; EDIE-”ARD J. S. MAITLAND, qu.; HEN-w RY STA RNES, Esq. M. P. P;; J. H. MAIT- LAND, Esq, Resident Secretary, Montreal ; G. F.. 0. SMITH, Esq, Resident Assistant Secretary ;. FRED.°A. BAL- L, Inspector ofdgcnc‘cs l __ __v .. -wubv u; “VDUUHLEo Book-Keeping in all its departments, Commer- cial Lam- Commercial Arithmetic and Penman- ship, are taught in the most thorough and practi» cal manner. The S[_)encerian-Systcm of Penmanship is taught by W. P. SPENCER. A‘ Scholarship issued from the Buffalo College“. will be good in an 3' of the others, either for: completing the course, or for reviewing at; guy: time thereafter. The Designs of the Institution, is to impart to young men and ladies, a thorough, practical busi~ ness education. The Course of Instruction, is so arranged as to combine Theory and Practice, and thereby secure‘ to the student, a perfect knowledge of accounts“ ‘)Al\‘â€" YA'A-â€"'.‘ COME Néfifiv (PR NEVER! Is an important link Colleges, located in EEE EEEEEEQ MERCANTELE COLLEGE OT 57 AND 58. 0 {WEN~ S0 UNI), Durham, 8th Aug. 1861. NEW YORK, ALBANY, DETROIT, DIRECTORS : AND ST. LOUIS: ............. 2 each. ely upon the good quality or which_cannot be said of the :, DURHAM ROAD course, lpayable inadvance, mw. were is an excel‘ . of the lot, which miles of the rising village nere are rist, Saw, and :f'\:h ‘- CORNER OF AND in four miles 02‘ the The quality of the land D_,_._.-__ to the National Chain of INFORM 139-137