WHITBY FREE PRESS, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 1975, PAGE 5 Today, l'm clulchinig my Christnîas issuie of Peiîthouse magazine and shedding crocodile tears Itai it cost nie $ 1.75, just 10 flind ouI why, suddeîîly, aIl tlîis fuiss abou t bbc magazine and ils îiudc contents. As 1 ruishcd hoinîy local corner drug store, 10 fctcliIthe conitroversial issuie, a sales clerk senscd nîy turgency. "Well", lie said chieerîiilly "there is only onîe Pewthouse nmagazine left in tIbis store; you beller hurry tUp anîd take il now, it won't be liere nîuehcl longer". "How come?" 1 played the dumb ignorainus. "Well, haven't you read the story? hie asked me. 1 said 1 had flot read the stoïy but 1 could guess il easly. Sure enough, my suspicions werc confirmed: moraiity police had been reading the magazine to0. In Ottawa, police have already decided 10 ban the Deccînber issue of Penthouse but in Metro (Toronto) the Moralîy Squad is stilI busy iooking at the nudie pictures, showing a photo sequence of a couple having simiulated intercourse and oral sex. Sgt. Alan Noswortliy lias a good nose for this type of niateriai and believes theie ar;ality code might have been violated. If so, flhe usuai obscenity charges will follow, Meanwhile, Penthiouse nmagazine is selling like hiotca-kes. One newstand operator in Toronto told nie he sold close ho 200 copies in a single day. Normally, lie would seI îîo nmore than 20 copies of Penthouse or Playboy, for Ilial malter. AIl distributors of Pentliousc arceîliankful to police departnments across Canada for liclping 10 increase their sai es. Wliaî bugs me is Ibis: why on earth police miust tend their "mioral" support, thus rnaking Penthouse an even richer magazine. 1 thoughl, Penthouse lias aircady enough publicity just by bcing seen aI îîewsslands and local drug stores. At any rate, we al know thal police are looking for something Iliat just isn't Ihere. Frankly, I found thie December Penthouse highly cnhertaining, thougli I seldom gel past the centrefoid.- Âs I examine-a lutIle dloser this lecherous, Immorai December Issue, 1 cannot help but rub my hands in glee, as my dirty old fingers touch the pages of sexy Susan who openly declarés: "1'm just sexy in a very nahural, normal way". The pouting babe presents herself in various(supposedly sexy) poses but the one that sure will rnake your blood pressure go up is the last pose - the centrefold, with bher sprawied across a bed, displaying her vital parts in cinemascope. But that particular pose did not slîock the moralihy officers. Ih was the essay cailed "The Duel", depîcting simulahed sex achs. The photo essay, ho my mmnd, was tashefuily do=- Nothing pornographic, jush lots of nudily. As a malter of fact, there were only a couple of piclures, slightly er<ftic. We should slarh 10 realize Ihat men and women do make love (sometimes publicly) and Ihat these species have sex organs-iike it or not. It seems that a waste of lime rying ho bring back the old purihanical era, when even a bare shoulder was considered offensive ho some self-appointed guardians of pcople's niorals. Let's face il, nîoraiily is iike bea-aty-all in îhey eye of the beholder. The police forces should know Ibis bether. And, to Penthouse magazine - M.ERRY SEXUAL CHRISTMAS! The whole thing is beginning t0 become an extended exercise in futiiity. What's even more discouraging is thiat there doesn't appear to be an end in sigh t. Every morning it's the samie thing. Hating every minute of it but forcing myseif anyway, 1 get out of bed and stagger over to the window first thing. Throughi bleary, haif open eyes 1 always see the sanie dam îthing - green grass. lî's enough 10 make me want 10 go righit back to bed and many times 1 do in disgust. They must be exploding aton bonmbs again or sornetihing. Either that or the C.I.A. is responsible. Whaleveir the reason we stili don't have any sHlow. At leasi flot ai the time i wrote this colunn and as 1 said carlier 1 don't liave any reason Io îhink the dismal situation will change shortly. Now 1 know you must be sornewhat annoycd withi me for wishing for snow but you hiave to undcrstand that it's very difficuit to ski on grass. Not only is it dilicult but it's rather discouraging as wcll. Ail the ski brochures show some lucky devil swishing through huge mounds of glorious white snow, as fleecy as clouds and of course thie back page of the brochure shows thie samne lucky dcvii lounging in an apres ski bar later with a gorgeous snow bunny pcrched on on each arm and a rum punch on the bar in front of himi. ELECT TO COUNCIL MACDONALD 'EDWARD R. NORTH WARD CAROUSEL -INN FEATURUNO A FOOT IN COLD WATER MONDAY - THURSDAY ROSE FRIDAY & SATURDAY .IN THE CONFEDERATION ROOM DIISC JOCKEY IN SOMEWHERE ELSE, Frida.y& Saturdajy Uusinessrnan's Buffet Luncheon -- $2.50 - Al you can eat. MON-FRI l2noon to 3p.m. Chrisýmas Day Dinner 4-9 Phone for Reservation SUNDAY BUFFET DINNER $5.95 ALL YOU CAN EAT SUN DAY EVENINGS 5 p.m. - 9 p.m. 4' The presenit situation with no snow makes things entircly different. 1 can assure you it's no easy task ho ski on green grass. First of ail the colour th rows you off righ t away and you can't seem to get the speed that you might on snow. Last time i tried 10 I managed 10 get a blistering speed of ten feet a minute on the grass. 1 say blistering because that's what happened ho my hands from rying ho get extra speed by poling harder to make up for the loss of snow. 1 have also experienced great difficulty in purchasing te righh wax for grass skiing. Most stores oniy carry snow wax aithough with the present trend as it is some of the stores are considering changing their stock to grass wax. My first few runs had ho be made without wax and the apres ski scene where I'm supposed t0 entertain the snow bunnies turned ouito10bc an extendcd scene in the garage where 1 spent a couple of hours diiigently scraping chunks of grass and mud off the bot tom of îny skis. Il was ah that point whcre 1I had 10 admit that for some strange reason winler had flot yet arrivcd. l'mni not sure of the mechanies of how the snow gels here but the mail stîke could have soniething t0 do wilh il. It seenis like t00 mnuch of' a coincidence that our snow is so late gctling hiere aI the sane tlimethie posties are outI on sîrike. I rn gelting so desperate tIhal l'ni thinking of asking Santa for SHOW f'or C'hristmnas. For Iliose of you whio think l'ni a sadist for wisliing for snow letI nie reinind you there are h nind reds ot snowinobile enîhusiasîs arounid lown ini t1e sanie position l'ni in. 1 h ave noîiccd îhougli1h at snowniobiles miove 1h rough the grass nmuch belter th ailI have been able le on skis. Last wcekcnd 1 was out hilling Up niy roses for the winler (an opl imist righ t tb th e end!) and whlî u over in one corner of' the garden digging ou t soine topsoil 1I giiccd up aI miy lilac bush and to imy horror discovered the poor 1h ing is Linder theie isapprehiension that il's Spring! The whole bushi is covered with ncw buds and l'ni sure it's going 10 break ouI in lcaf any day now. Now 1 ask you, low do you tel]J a lilac bushi that flot onily is spring notl here but Ihat wintcr's a mnon îh laIe and inay flot getl here aI ail. For the first liime ever I have a resident squirrel in the~ N ,WA LIYINW RIG HT\ 1- .\Z% \NC- .'*T 11- l Aý, 1-sPECIAR LST OO1)- Red Brand A-i Beef sides $1 .04 lb hinds $1,24 IL fronts $,84 lb, THIS SATURADY FREE HIND 0F BEEF Drawn Novem ber 29, 1975 Put your name & address on the backç of your sales slip, WA INWRIGHT BUTCHER LTD. L 5i Brock $1. N., Whltby 668-9111 backyard and he has been busy for- the pasl month hiding away food in every spot he can find. Each lime 1 look out the window for snow 1 see the squirrel busy digging holes or puîîing appies in bushes but of lale he seems ho have the same opinion 1 have that winîer's not coming and 1 have seen hlm eating lis, winter store of food. He probably saw the lilac bush, thoughl he slept through winîcr and figures now that spring is here he migbt as well feast on his stored winter goodies. I've even considered Ihat our bordering American TV stahions arc responsible somehow. Tbey lhreahened ho jam their TV signais in rebaliahion for our cabie TV poiicy and maybe they jammed our snow instead. Whatever is happening 1 figure i's timne to do something s0 i'm going 10 dash off a note ho Henry Kissinger. Now if i could jusI figure out how 10 mail it ho hlm .... Santa parade judges wanted TMe ladies of Whitby are inviied ho become judges for thiîs ycar's Santa Claus Parade, sponsored by the Whitby Jaycees. Any Wlitby lady inîerested in becomiig a judge is invihed 10 submit her namne. address and phione nunîber hothie Jaycees ai 723-5748 or 668-2870. Thircc of tlie sub- iîted namnes will be drawn froni a liaI for the judging, and those selected wvili be awarded special plaques for Ilîcir contributions to th e parade. Thie parade starîs ah i0a.nî. Decemnber 6 a t Denis O'Connor High Sehool and follows Dundas Street ho the Four Corners and Brock Street 10 the Dominion Store Plaza. Marshaiuing lime is 9:15 a.îîî. Trophies or cash prizes wiil be awarded to entrants of the best floats, bands and nmajorette groups. Tfli Jaycees wili also be operating. a Santa Houise ah 131 Brock Street Northi, neâr -the Brock Theatre, Dec. 6, 11, 13 and 18 10 20. Times arc ail day Saturdays and evenings on weekends. The parade will be tele- vised by te Pine Ridge Cable TV on Channel 6. ELECT TO COUNCIL MACDONALD EDWARD R. NORTH WARD BABY BARN 8' x 8' x 8' $299510 SEiNIOR BARN 10'x 10'x8'h $39950 Both with 20 year plastic f inish MITCHELL BROTHERS Building Supplies Ltd. Brookli.n. 655-4991