WIIBY î:îFFI:PRISS. Wl',)Ni-SI)A . NIARCI- 4, 198 1, PAGEL) The Church '-4 t- ~t.p uju Speaks By THE REV. TED STEVENS Rector St. Thomas' Anglican Church, Brooklin I am the father of four children of school age and am well aware of the difficulties of being "successful" in that paren- talrole. The responsibilities are awesome and cannot really be shared by anyone except my wife. The shaping of these human lives, with their almost infinite possibilities for good or evil, has been entrusted to us and to no-one else. The more I think about it, the more I am sure that if our children go wrong the fault will be largely our own. I accept the saying "there are no delinquent children, only delinquent parents" as being largely true. I am aware of my own fallibility and of the likelihood of making bad mistakes in this matter of upbringing. For these reasons parenthood could easily be very burdensome and a constant source of unpleasant anxiety. But it is not, because I also believe in the reality of a great and good God and in the proposition that if there is anything in all creation which He is especially concerned about, it is the successful raising of children. Therefore, I conclude, there is nothing in which He will more readily offer his help and guidance than in the raising of children. For this He has made known certain basic prin- ciples, or guidelines, which if followed will enable parents to fulfil their role, which is surely the most basic and important one in human society. These divine guidelines for parenting will be more readily understood if we first take a look at what happens if they are ignored. Here is a circular issued by the police department in Houston, Texas sometime ago: For Parents How to make a child into a delinquent: 12 easy rules 1. Begin at infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living. 2. When he picks up bad language, laugh at him. This will make him think he's cute. 3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him "decide for himself." 4. Avoid the use of the word 'wrong'. It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted. 5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around, books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility upon others. 6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage. 7. Quarrel frequently in front of the children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the house is broken up later. 8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them? 9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration. 10. Take his part against neighbours, teachers, policemen. They are prejudiced against your child. Tw elve rules for parents Il. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him." 12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it. This is hard-hitting, sarcastic and somewhat exaggerated but puts the finger on so many common mistakes that, I sup- pose, none of us parents who read it will feel wholly free of guilt. Turning these things into positive principles for parenthood we corne up with something like this: 1. The parent owes the child disciplines, i.e. training which will condition the child to accept moral rules of behaviour, including a number of limitations on his own life which are for his own good and for the good of others. Christians believe that the most important part of this training is that which leads the child to trust and follow Christ - a duty which cannot be fobbed off onto Sunday School teachers or clergy. 2. The parent owes the child encouragement. Some of the worst mistakes are made by over-concerned parents who have such exalted ideals for their children that, since these are never quite reached, the child is subjected to a never- ending stream of petty criticism. No life can flourish and blossom without encouragement. Martin Luther said, "Spare the rod and spoil the child - true. But beside the rod keep an apple and give it to him when he does well." 3. The parent owes the child the understanding and respect due to another person - albeit a dependent person. Many parents have such strong, pre-conceived ideas as to what they want their child to be that they cannot let the child be himself. But God made each one unique and the parent's business is to draw out the potential of a unique individual, not to try to create their notion of the ideal. 4. The parent must lead the child from the necessary depen- dence of the early years to the necessary independence of the later years, neither hurrying too much the first process nor slowing down too much the second. This gradual change- over creates many tricky and stressful situations and the 'halfway stage' of the teens is of ten the most difficult for both parents and child. There is much wisdom in the old proverb CONT'D ON PG. 19 DURHAM WEST NEEDS A STRONG VOICE UN GOVERNMENT. George Ashe understands the needs and concerns of the people of Durham West. He and his family have lived here for almost fourteen years. During that time he has served his community well as deputy reeve, mayor, county and regional councillor and now MPP. With his knowledge of the riding and as a member of the Davis team he can continue to give the people of Durham West the strong voice they need at Queen's Park. George Ashe works for all his constituents, regardless of their political affiliations. He is always available to take their problems to the appropriate body and to give the best advice his own experience and insight can provide. George Ashe cares about the quality of life in Durham West and Ontario. He supports the government's aim of energy self-sufficiency through accelerated use of nuclear-powered electrical generation. Abundant power without acid rain is a double advantage for us all. «1 George Ashe believes in the future of Ontario and of Durham West. Ontario is rich in promise. With the new thrusts of the B.I.L.D. program towards industrial and manpower development plus energy self-sufficiency, Ontario can be the envy of the entire world. George Ashe asks for your support. For 4 years he has worked hard on your behalf. As MPP and as parliamentary assistant to four different cabinet ministers, at present to the busy Energy portfolio, he has done his best to serve all the people of Durham West. Now, he asks for your ongoing support. On March 19 Vote For Strong Representation in a Strong Government. F IE-ELECT GEORGE For Advice or Assistance call these PC Committee Rooms. Ajax 686-2810 DURHAM Whitby 666-1101 Pickering 831-3355 W E S T Please Note - Voting Hours 8 a.m. - 7 p.m. -TIIM Published by the Durham West PC Association